rate_review Reviews

#6...

This first paragraph was incredible, particularly the first few lines. Classic, even. -smirks-
..Hn. There is a shitload of them.. well.. I hadn't anticipated that... but I will waltz right up to the obnoxiously bright fuckers, anyway.
-snickers-
You painted so well Vegeta's projected detachment.. no matter what contrasting patterns are rattling in his brain.
And he does have so much going on there.. seeing the reality of his wariors' likely defeat, making a conscious attempt not to jump that gorgeous body, mentally willing away the heartbreaking tears of his love..
though his disposition does nothing to give away any of this beneath the vigilant eye of a hopeful Kakarott.
In conjunction with the last chapter, I am utterly fascinated by the differences between the two POVs.
Vegeta thinks that his smile upon giving the death command is one of amusement; Kakarott finds it malicious.
Vegeta considers the tone in which his initial question is voiced seductive; to Kakarott, the voice is dark and foreign.
I am so fond of this.. just another way in which you depict such stark discrepancies between them.
You really caught my attention here, as I am constantly cross-referencing between the two POVs to get the entire picture.
The immediately renewed intimacy between the two is spectacular, just as it should be. It as though 7 years has not passed.. I am glad you wrote it like this. Despite both of their outright refusals to be turned, the passion does not become collateral damage. They are desperate to touch, Vegeta is not hesitant to moan, Kakarott more than willing to plead.. and from there they progress to the specifics of the problem.
I was not shocked that they both refused to go so easily, nor surprised by Kakarott's attempt at patient persuasion( Vegeta able to bear life, the kiss on the neck.. how *do* you fucking resist that? Tch. -grumbles- Necessarily stubborn.).. I adored Vegeta's proposition of a contest. Admittedly, at the end of this chapter, I did not expect one to take place. I knew that Vegeta had to do something.. anything to justify allowing the change.. even if it was only a half-hearted attempt at putting up some sort of resistance. I was certain he would give in, because that is what I, myself, would have done.. just not right then, at that moment. I am entirely pleased with his characteristic need to be proud and difficult, as well as your method of depicting it.
So romantic is the way in which Kakarott accepts.. not understanding at first, asking a simple question to comprehend better, never ceasing his amorous body language.. needing to believe that his love is not all just a game to Vegeta. Once he does grasp the concept, he is immediately determined and confident.. you never fail to make him irresistible, in my eyes.
This exchange was more than worth the wait, as you have everything here..
intimacy, pain, longing, sensuality, confrontation and hope for resolution.
The way in which they parted is so bittersweet and powerful.. Kakarott confesses to missing Vegeta already, allowing his touch to linger, while the King of Shadows stands aimlessly amidst the battle, blankly gazing and lost without his love.. who is not even that far away... yet.

*Damn there’s a lot of them. More than I’d thought there would be... I advance towards them all anyways. To show that I’m not afraid of what they are.(I couldn't resist but paraphrase this in that smartass fashion earlier.. so fucking fun.)
*So addictive. I fought the urge to jump him right this moment. I looked up and down his body…slowly. Hn.
*I managed to break my gaze away from his gorgeous body and looked back over the blinding crowd.
*“Kill them.” (Just makes me happy.)
*“Did you miss me, my love?” I asked my beloved in a seductive tone.
*He slowly came closer to me with his arm outstretched, his hand just inches from my face. I took a hesitant step back. “Don’t be afraid, love. I won’t hurt you.” I then stayed put. Trusting my beloved’s words. As that hand came closer, he dropped out of his super saiyan state. I did the same and I closed my eyes and felt that warm hand on my cold skin. I brought up my own hand to hold his on my cheek. I nuzzled into that warmness. That warmness in which I haven’t felt in so long. “Do you feel that? Do you feel the warmth of my hand?” I heard my love’s warm voice. I moaned. Everything about him is warm. I moved my hand from his and slowly moved it up his arm until I reached his shoulder, which brought me closer to that radiating heat. He flinched a little as he tried to get used to my coldness. (This first physical contact between them was perfectly illustrated.. I love watching it play in my mind, to see Vegeta's hesitation.. I do not believe for a moment he took a step back because he thought Kakarott would hurt him.. he gave in so easily to the promise otherwise. He wanted to hear it, and that was all it took for them to be in each others arms.)
*“Yes. I have always felt you.” I answered the God in front of me. (I would like to think that I am not one for sap for any sort.. but I am. You got me here.)
*He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He then bent down towards my right ear and whispered his hot breath into it, “Why not? You’ll be alive, my love. You’re heart will beat. Your body will be warm…and…and you’ll be able…to bear life.” He finished his tender persuasion by gently kissing my cold neck. (Heheh.. and *this*.. made my heart race... I fucking felt it!! Blood coursing through my veins.. -dreamy sigh- it might have been necessary to say 'no'.. but.. this was one hell of a fucking beautiful effort. Damn.)
*“Vegeta, please…I-I can’t live without you anymore! I need you! And I know you need me too! Look at yourself! Your soul is dying! I can’t see you like this! If you let me turn you…”
(I think this is an important turning point, when Kakarott informs Vegeta that his soul is dying.. he can see it, feel it.. and though Vegeta knows it to be true, he does not notice it in the way his love has. This ties in with their opposing interpretations of the same actions as mentioned earlier.. what seems relatively natural to Vegeta in his current state is unnerving to Kakarott.)
*When he told me about my soul, more traitorous tears ran down my cold face. I believed it. His words are true.
*I looked up at that beautiful face that was stained with more of those lovely tears, “can’t.” (Difficult.. even after looking at his love's tear-stained face, he still is unable to surrender so easily.)
*I’ll feel like I’ve given up. (And we can't have *that*..yet.)
*I hate myself. I hate myself for making my love cry like this...Now…looking at him…I feel I must comfort him. I feel I must apologize and accept his offer…but my pride won’t allow it, and I hate my damn pride for making my love sad.
*Please, love…I’m begging you…” his face got closer to mine. “be with me.” he kissed me.
He kissed me with so much passion, I thought he was stealing my very soul. I kissed those warm, luscious lips back. My cold hands went into his wild hair and touched his warm scalp. Kissed him harder. Soon I felt his hot, wet tongue on my cold lips and I accepted it. The scent. His scent is so wonderful. Just like I remembered it to be. His taste was just as exquisite. I was lost. I moaned into that warmness. My love already knowing that I want more of it. (Oh... this was.. lovely... just...lovely. I felt this one, too. -purrs contently-)
*“If you want me so bad…then you’re going to have to fight for me. I’m not giving up without a fight. I can’t give in so easily. It’s not in my nature to do so. So…let’s make this into a game.”
*In return, he gave me a heart-breaking look. “Is that what my love is to you? A game?” he continued to rub my cheek, sadly.
*“Well, my love…if that’s what you really want…if it pleases you…I’ll muster as much patience as I can to have you in my arms again. Alive.” ( Oh. MyFUCKINGgod. What else can I say.. but.. to die for? I know he looked breathtaking as he said this...)
*I smiled at the determination my love had in his voice, his eyes, and his expression. (Heh..)
*“I love you Kakarot.” I practically purred my affection for him. (I am glad that you had him say this, in this way.. it strikes me as.. positively enamored and submissive.)
*I don’t want this ‘good feeling’ to go. He’ll just take it with him. (This was painful.. amazing.)
*He let me go and that’s when I realized that a battle was happening around us.
*“You look lost.”
“I am.”
*“Goodbye Vegeta. I’m missing you already. I’ll see you again, my love. Real soon.”He moved forward a little to kiss my forehead and slowly pulled away. Letting his hands linger on me as he pulled away. (-shivers-)
*I looked longingly at him as he disappeared into the battle and I stayed that way until the battle was over. (What an end to this for Vegeta.. this shows how lost he truly is. Sad.)

Mnh... -shakes away sentimental haze, recovers with a weakened smirk- onto the next, shall we?

#7.

Reading Kakarott's POV always makes me happy, to be able to know what he is thinking and feeling, when I am otherwise deprived without it.
The first time I wrote my review for this chapter, my intentions were to head to bed as soon as it was finished.. yes. The site's pong interruption ate my fucking review at 0425.. that.. I was not happy about.
However, it has only put me a little more behind than I would liked to have been at this point... so here we go again.
Hn. Well.
Isn't *Bardock* being a bastard somewhat like a fucker here?
-furious armfold, deadly glare-
Don't get me wrong.. your writing of him is superb. As I have mentioned before, he faithfully goes through the motions that seem necessary for him to level with his son.. rage, outright blasphemous fucking mockery, acceptance and encouragement.
Being attached as I am to this story, I had the good sense to feel a bit guilty for Vegeta's proposition of the contest. Bardock certainly gave Kakarott a fair amount of shit for it, so that did.. have a way of making me feel like a real asshole.
-shifts wide eyes in a silent plea towards author, asking to keep Vegeta from doing anything unbearably shitty-
I do think that Bardock understands how much his son loves Vegeta, that Kakarott, simply by virtue of who he is, could not turn his love in good conscience without knowing that the other was entirely willing. I can see how the former King would be angry with his son for not ending it right there, as to Bardock, Vegeta appeared to be 'had'(..which.. I think.. he kinda...-scowls deeply- most definitely could have been.)
I was pleased by the resolution at the end of the chapter, Bardock asking what should be done and referring to them as 'we', a cohesive unit in the venture. I am positive such an attitude from his father must be reassuring to Kakarott's sensibilities, that the younger Saiyan would greatly appreciate the show of support. I was additionally struck by what Bardock said as he was leaving, that he knew Kakarott would help his love through the transformation. In that, I saw past the literal meaning, the former King obviously knowing his son will need help when the time comes. It was Bardock's vote of confidence, stating that the time would, in fact come.. he knows that his son will be victorious in turning Vegeta, one way or the other. There was some comic relief here, the common soldiers blatantly staring at Bardock as though the fool had gone mad for laughing and carrying on in such an utterly ridiculous fashion.
Hn.
Yet.. he is.. forgiven.. I guess.
You continue to portray him consistently with what seems little effort..
good job.
And Kakarott.
Kakarott, Kakarott, Kakarott...
mnh.
He is amazing here, as he has been throughout..
unwilling to tolerate too much of his father's teasing, his patronizing.. he would not breathe a word to Bardock that would, in any way, indicate dissent with Vegeta's suggestion of the contest.
He refused to apologize.
-briefly considers childishly sticking out tongue in Bardock's direction, instead smirking smugly-
And to the battle flashback..
Oh. Fuck. He *licked* his *lips*...
you do delight.. in these sadistic strains on my.. blood pressure.. hmm?
I was pleased to see Kakarott's timely decision to retreat, and the way he managed to make it appear a sound order given the circumstances of the conflict.
He was able to relieve both he and Vegeta of the difficult situation at hand, giving them both space to gather their thoughts and prepare a new strategy, as opposed to remaining to waste men and resources that would be better expended later.
In this little gem, you portrayed something about Kakarott that is often used, but rarely to my satisfaction. In my opinion(though it is never advertised and rarely admitted), he is much more intelligent than he usually lets on. In canon, he is a genius in battle.. weighing his options to the fullest, unafraid to resort to unconventional methods in an attempt to gain victory. He takes chances he knows that he should not, adopts strategies that appear to be the long way around, even outright insane.. but he knows what he is doing. May not always turn out as he hoped.. immediately.. but he can be trusted to take the win. Here, he saw circumstances as they were, and used that brilliance he hides away for when he needs it most. After seeing his love, gaining a renewed sense of their mutual feelings, he found his motivation.
Bardock might not have been happy about that.. but I was.
Did I mention..
yet..
that Bardock pissed me off?
-shifts casual glance to author, expecting to be humored with feigned surprise-
Kakarott dealt with him well, though.. leaving no doubt that he did intend to go through with exactly what Vegeta had asked of him, though not going above or beyond any necessary means to establish the fact. There was no need to diffuse any tension here, because Kakarott refused to allow the conflict any escalation, simply removing himself. Definitely something he would do.
How the HELL am I supposed to review his *thoughts* when I know that his gorgeous, naked ass is in the shower??!!
-huffs, facepalm-
...quick and painless... like a Band-Aid...
he.. is... sooooo... fucking....
OH!! -smirks-
..what do you know?
The water's cold... so next.
Perhaps the yellow and white didn't match.. but I am certain.. it looked.. very.. nice.
-struggles to regain review mindset- DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!!!
If all else fails, my thoughts will revert to cold.. hard.. strategy.
I liked Kakarott's decision to tell his men nothing as far as the nature of this little game, to leave them ignorant and let them think that it is of no more importance than the average battle. It seems.. to me, more fair this way. What I mean by that.. we can be sure that Vegeta would be telling his army no such thing. We have already seen how his censors his words, what he says indicating that he wants to take the victory in battle, what he thinks showing he is interested in winning only Kakarott, who always has his father's assistance to begin with. I was not sure if the King of Lights decision here was meant to keep the field even anywhere in his mind, or to remain consistent with his more simple rationale.. I liked it either way.
And Kakarott comes to Vegeta's defense yet again.
My, my... this *is* fascinating...
*someone* has a 'being rescued' complex...
NOT that Vegeta is, IN ANY WAY, INCAPABLE of doing it HIMSELF!!
DEATH to ANYONE who would DARE think otherwise!!
-calms-
Heh.. it's just that... -casually shrugs, averts eyes-
I mentioned before how much I like this ending.. it does appear that Kakarott is ready to take charge of the situation..
and it's fucking sexy.
-lustful purr and smirk-

*“Idiot!! Why did you let him go like that?!” father yells at me again for the twentieth time since we got back from the battle. “You had him! You had him and you let him go!! Didn’t I teach you anything?!” he screams while slamming his fist into his own desk. I flinch. “Damn it! The Shadows could be finished right now! But noooo! You just had to have a moral center and let him go!!” He then runs over to me and puts his arms on either side of the chair I’m sitting in and yells in my face, “Whyyyyyy?!” (This paragraph had me flinching, thinking 'blah, blah, blah.. shutthefuckup..' until the end. The visual of Bardock running up in such a fashion, positioning himself in such a way.. and screaming 'whhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy????????' into Kakarott's face nearly had me rolling in a hysterical fit. It just seemed like such an immature thing to do.. the childish, brainless apple doesn't fall too far from the tree... I was.. *too* amused. -chuckles, falls silent, feels guilty again-)
*I didn’t want to apologize. That would seem like I didn’t care about how my love felt if he were turned right where he stood. He would’ve felt weak and defeated. I don’t want that. I want a challenge. I want to prove to my love that I’ll do anything to have him. I don’t want him to feel miserable, knowing that he was turned so easily.
*But he’s still dead gorgeous (literally), and he smells and tastes delicious. I licked my lips at the thought.(-is still.. very.. silent-)
*As I searched, I saw my father glaring at my love. As if he shouldn’t even be standing there…lost. He started to advance towards him. Again I shouted, “All Lights, listen to me! Flee! More Shadows are coming! We’re outnumbered! Hurry before its too late!” Father stopped his advance towards my love and hesitated. (I liked Bardock's staring here.. what was he actually meant to be thinking? The way in which Kakarott subtly calls his father off of his love made me.. joyous. And smug again, after the fact.)
*Then three of the Shadows ran over to my love and hissed at my father. (This struck me as.. cool.. although I could not express exactly why. The King of Shadows, lost and simply standing there, perhaps unable, unwilling, or both, to defend himself against the imminent threat of the former King of Lights.. although he was just as likely disinterested. Regardless, I was unsurprised to find that one of the defending Shadows was none other than...)
*I went to follow his example, but then looked back over at the Shadows by my love. One was that guard that is always by my love’s side. Jealously suddenly coursed through me and I wanted to go over there and drink that Shadow dry. (This was...sofuckinghot.. oh.. he is... mnh. -positively radiant smirk-)
*Let’s get out of this cold death trap! (This was a bit of irony, to me..)
*I decided to take a shower and relax myself. As I stood in the hot spray of the shower, my thoughts wandered to my love.
*Oh my love. You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll be with you. Always. I’ll never leave you. Never again. More tears streamed down my face and the cold water washed them away.
*“So,” father turned to study me. “What’s the contest? What are ‘we’ suppose to do?” he shrugged when he emphasized the word ‘we.’
*his words drifted away as I suddenly gave him a death glare.
I stood up. “He is ‘not’ cold-hearted. You don’t even know him. You don’t know what he’s even capable of feeling.” I said this as calmly and cold as I could. “I’m sick of this father. I’m sick of you treating me like a child that doesn’t know how to make his own decisions!” I paused. My sentences getting louder as I said them. I paced about the room. “And…maybe I am half the time! But I’ll show you father! I’ll prove to you that I can make my own decisions! They may not be wise ones! They may not be…fully planned out! But at least they’re good ones! Like, me deciding to turn my love into one of us! And, oh…I will turn him. You’ll see. I’ll prove to you that I can be responsible for him during his transformation.” (-dreamy sigh-)
*Father looked at me with a determined expression. He seemed…almost proud. “It seems like you’re finally taking things into your hands. So…shall you come up with the battle plans from now on?”
I slowly nodded and he nodded in return. “Alright then.” he turned to leave, but then paused at the doorway and didn’t turn to face me. “Oh and son…I know you’ll be responsible for him during his transformation.” he closed my door.
*Yes. I know you know father.

I think this review is actually far better than the one I did earlier this morning..
I am glad for that.
Without further delay, onto #8.

#8

Inevitably, this began as it should, with Vegeta reflecting upon the day-old meeting with Kakarott. Shrouded by darkness, he is unhappy, but finds solace in the only thing he has ever known, wishing to remain hidden as best he can.
Yes, the game indeed..
I was waiting for this introspection. The competition is just as I said before.. a foolish front, a brainchild of the moment meant only to postpone the inevitable.. turning Kakarott was never a real option. The mental struggle and inner turmoil are wholly necessary, though I think there was never a question about what the outcome would actually be.
How beautiful that he pictures his love's luminescent face in the moon.. such a likeness of light and splendor.. it was touching to see such solitary longing, Vegeta free to smile at the though of Kakarott.. to admit to himself that he would die to be with his love.. to gradually come to terms with what must be done.
It does seem readily apparent that his mind is made up at this point, though I am uncertain of any timetable that he might have to turn himself over. In chapter 10, when the decision is agreed upon, they are still at this horrendous hideout, so easily found. I know in this chapter he confessed himself unhappy with the location, feeling vulnerable, but dismissing the thought beneath the premise they would soon be finding a suitable replacement. I think that he ends submitting quicker than expected, forced to refuse Kakarott's offer to turn and counter with his own.
He's so rich here, running a relay of emotions that only Kakarott can make him feel.. much like Bardock's outward manifestations, Vegeta has so many layers and such progressive mental processes... the wheels turn in perfect sync, he changes the subject at appropriate times even when alone in his mind.. you have his thinking down.
He comforts himself by feeling he has not given up so easily, but is just so tired of fighting for something that should be his, theirs. It is a perfect way for him to justify his difficult choice.. there is a time to be stubborn, to hold out as long as you possibly can in the name of pride.. but eventually.. eventually..
I could have mentioned this in the quotes, but I will do it here because I loved it so much. Exceptionally profound how he closed his eyes and purred his love's name, consoling himself with the sound, and most likely sensation of it leaving his lips(if he could feel it)... heart-wrenching and beautiful.
And then, Haru has to ruin *everything*.
-chuckles- I'm just fucking with you.. good time for him to show up.
Vegeta manages to muster a hint of boredom in the first words to his loyal guard, which is entirely characteristic.. only seconds earlier, he was deeply immersed in the most desperate longing of his soul..
but to the one who interrupts, he sounds bored.
-thumbs up-
This was a good way to shift the chapter, sending out the only individual who would dare impose upon the King of Shadows' alone time. Entirely appropriate, as Haru would naturally be concerned with Vegeta's lack of appetite.
The interaction between these two is lush, so much to look at and analyze. Haru nervously, and with great respect, questions Vegeta, who in turn does his best to keep the irritation from his voice despite not wanting to be bothered.
Definitely, no one else would have dared ask such a question. Does Haru already think he knows the answer? Does he need to hear it? It is established here that, even in Vegeta's eyes, he shows relatively little emotion, presumably devoid most of the time.. what is it that he is thinking?
Have you thought about doing a chapter from Haru's POV? I think that would be terribly fascinating.. as the only chance we have to see him so far is in Vegeta's presence, through the King of Shadows' eyes, I know we are missing so much.. I would love to have the gaps filled in, see any feelings he has, what he wants for the situation.. obviously, he wants Vegeta.. but how does he think exactly?
Oooooh... ki bands!! I am so fond of those, and how you devised the use of them here. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
Vegeta would not be one to play with his food. I noted how efficient he is in this task, coldly doing what needs to be done and getting it the hell over with. I think he takes no pleasure in feeding, does it because he must.. perhaps it may even bother him a bit now. Dragging his victim to the injured was a nice touch.. it was not so much a regal thing to do.. but I liked it.
Knowing he has his mind made up, but thinks there will be enough time for them to find a new hideout under his leadership.. and then only drinking the Light about half dry because he will not need that much energy only to give himself up, anyway? I am confused here.. that would indicate that he would be surrendering fairly soon.. right?
I totally enjoyed the interaction with his men.. he is everything he should be. Not so bad, considering he took the task upon himself to throw his leftovers to the injured.. but when his ire is raised, he is not above biting sarcasm and immediate, ruthless violence, openly killing one of his own warriors in a rage after being questioned, coldly resolving in retrospection that, though he may have overreacted to the starving man, he had not failed to make a point. He calmly announces his decisions, taunts his warriors, becomes truly pissed, and takes one of them right the fuck out. The survivors scramble in fear, and he leaves immediately following the effective display of leadership.
Very, very good.
Haru follows and paces.. this may be about the most we can see as evidence of his unrest. How much did he see of the lovers' exchange as the battle raged around them? I am sure his eyes could not have left Vegeta for long, his King oblivious, not only leaving himself unprotected in the midst of such turmoil, but vulnerable in the arms of his "enemy"? This may be evidence that Haru is truly resigned to Vegeta doing as he will.. knowing that, whether he likes it or not, no harm would come to Vegeta while he was so near his love. I think it's a sure bet that Haru watched every bit of this.. as I said before, what does he *really* think about it? The way this is all going, I'll assume it isn't wishful thinking to disbelieve what he says... he tells Vegeta he wants him to be happy, that is all that matters... -ponders tirelessly-
I knew something was not as it seemed when Vegeta asked Haru that..
does he really think that Haru wants Kakarott to be alive, let alone undead and one of them, to take the place next to the King of Shadows that the guard holds so dearly?
How far does Vegeta think his guard's devotion goes?
I know what *I* think.
Would Haru want to have to live every moment to see Vegeta and Kakarott carrying on right in front of him?
Or would he rather be relieved of *that* particular misery only to have Vegeta turned, unable to see him, more or less at all?
What *is* his bitch level *exactly*?
-furrows brow, ponders further-
A smirk in response to a blank expression. How better to make Haru nervous? Get close to him, absolutely. He wants the King close, but the way Vegeta took it upon himself here is deliberate, purposefully unnerving..
obviously, he does have my same tendencies as myself.. pose a question, work for a reaction, whether the answer matters or not.
I warned you that I am known to do this.
Works like a charm, especially when in search of that which one will not necessarily *say*.
Hn.
So.. how many sofas do we have? The most-likely cozy one in chapter 1 was black...
now this one is red... either way, you know it suits me just as well.. but do let me know so that I may find some way to pay the interior *re* decorator, will you?
-smirks teasingly-
I find it interesting that, for how deeply he is in love with Vegeta, he maintains more distance than is necessary. We do not know if Vegeta would allow him a seat on the same couch.. but I think he would. Instead, the other sits in a chair next to him. Vegeta has *told* him to drop the title, yet he does it once to the King's surprise here.
Fascinating, the boundaries that Haru will push(asking questions, et cetera) and the physical space he will not invade.. always close, but never too close. I could assume it is out of respect.. but when you are so enamored of someone.. so devoted.. does it not kill the guard to stay what must feel so far away, to not be as near as possible?
Especially when he could be closer under Vegeta's permission?
I like how you had Vegeta study Haru's face so intimately at the end, to take such careful note of his features.. this leading into the next chapter, it is easy to see that there could have, all my bitching aside, been something between them. No, nothing has actually happened.. but without the presence of Kakarott.. there would definitely be potential. That Vegeta allows Haru such liberties shows a certain endearment.. I could even assert there is attraction. If I recall correctly, I have my work cut out for me in #9, which will follow immediately after the quotes.

*I hugged my knees tighter and closed my eyes so I can be more succumbed in the darkness. I needed it more than anything right now. There was too much light back there. Too much emotion.
*The competition. Ah yes, the game. Why did I come up with something so…childish? So…impossible?
*I open my eyes to look up at the fullness of the moon; my only friend in the darkness. In the pale face of my friend, I try to picture his face. His beautiful face. The face that my frozen heart fell in love with. His innocent eyes and that heart-warming smile. If it warmed my heart at all. More like…irresistible. I can’t help but smile back. He’s something I would actually die for. Die to try to be with him. I wonder if he’s thinking any of the same thoughts as I am.
*Well, at least I’m not giving up too easily. (He does a lot of mental pep talk, psyching himself into what he wants.. needs to believe.)
*“Kakarrrrot.” I closed my eyes as I purred his name. It’s only been 24 hours and I didn’t think I’d miss my love this much already. Now I must hear his name so I won’t feel so empty. I must cling to it like it’s the only thing keeping me going.
*Despite his nervousness at this moment, he always seems to have a blank face. Never any emotion.
*No one has ever asked me that. Anyone who did would usually be punished with death.
(I think that it would never occur to anyone else amongst the Shadows to ask such a thing.. based on his actions around the general population, they would have no reason to see the question as anything but absurd.)
*He saw me and tried to attack, but I powered up into my dark state and formed a black ki band around one wrist. Moved behind his back to form another ki band on his other wrist and brought both of them together to the small of his back. Immediately, I dug into his shoulder with my razor sharp fangs as he let go of his golden state. I, for one, didn’t play with my food.
*“But aren’t those for an emergency, sire? What if there’s not enough?” The same moron asked. I looked around myself, like I was oblivious to everything around me. “Well, I guess you’re right. This doesn’t really seem like an emergency. Hell, maybe I was wrong about getting lucky at capturing more Lights tonight. Go on ahead and see if you can capture…” I turned around in a circle. “…500 Lights. Oh, and be sure to bring half that are starved and injured along with you. You just might get even more lucky.” I said all this with sarcasm and in a blink of an eye, I had the complaining moron by the neck and squeezed until his throat was crushed. I tossed him aside and blew his body to ashes. (Taking into account the relative prosperity of the period preceding the aborted battle, this seems to be a fucking emergency. Where the fuck did THAT moron come from!?)
*I turned towards everyone else. “Anyone else want to ask any more ludicrous questions about my motives?” I continued when no one answered. “Good. Now, I won’t repeat myself. Do as I say.” I said the last part with as much venom as possible. (Lovely. No real room for disagreement from the reasonable who wish to avoid becoming cinders. Couldn't have said, or done this, any better myself.)
*Maybe I over-exaggerated a bit. I didn’t really have to kill the man, but seriously, who asks questions like that? It’s infuriating. Though he was probably starving. Oh well, everyone gets the point. (Exactly. Oh well.)
*Haru followed me in and paced in front of the door. (Come to think of it, he is usually standing outside the door, correct? He is inside now, and pacing.. I do not think this is pacing in a formal, guarding sense.. is this nervous pacing, thoughtful as I had assumed before?)
*Though, him and I are…friends…aren’t we? The word itself was practically foreign to me. (Are they?)
*No matter how many times in the past I’ve told him to call me by my name, he still goes by my title. I guess he’s that faithful to me. I smirked. How cute. No matter how obligated he feels towards me, or how comfortable I am around him, he won’t always get the answers he’ll want out of me.
*My eyes traveled down his perfectly sculpted face to blood red eyes. Eyes that always studied me, almost protectively. (Protective, blood red eyes? Woah... hmmmm....)

Yes... more of these two... follow me to #9.

#9

Oh, there is scandal *here*. I think that, so far, this chapter will be the most fun to review..
though my heart lies inescapably with Kakarott in this situation, I was utterly taken by the sensuality of.. the near overpowering, irresistible qualities of Haru..
I have reason to think a certain King of Lights would not be too terribly pleased by any of this...
-taps fingers pensively upon bicep, considers skipping the review for this chapter-
tch.
Movingthehellon.
Half-lidded eyes and a smile? 'Wow' just about sums *that* up. A bit surprised to see that, as pleasant as it was.
Good thinking to put in such a novice miscalculation on the part of Vegeta.. was it truly a dangerous mistake? Perhaps it could have been, should any of the Lights dared to destroy him without the permission of their royalty.. I see Vegeta was panicked, not thinking at all that he would have been entirely safe(albeit turned) once Kakarott came to his rescue.
Alas, it was not to be, as Haru arrived first. (I wonder how Kakarott must have reacted, to know that Vegeta was *there*, they...*he*... had him.. until he was taken away once more.)
Vegeta almost went *feral* at Haru's scent? Even Kakarott does not smell as lovely as Haru? Do I have that right? -pokes aggressively at screen- Where the motherFUCK is the goddamned scratch-and-sniff here?!!??!! Grrrrr...
It took him a moment to regain his senses.. to remember that he belonged to someone else? Is that correct?! Hmmm... no, I don't think it was like that. I can see how this *could* have presented a problem, though Vegeta is too strongly devoted to succumb.
The horrifying idea.. did he think that Haru might rape him, based on the tender touches?
Epic foreshadowing? -muses- Would Haru do such a thing were he.. say.. insane with jealousy, feeling abandoned and hopeless?
And Haru is established as stunning. Huh-huh-huh.
-nervous tail sway-
The more I think about this...forfuckssake!!
He would have to be gorgeous.. I know that. Not just okay, or handsome.. but stunning, yes. He is no Kakarott, of course, Vegeta will think that.. but he might.. come as close as anyone could.. and no less would make for genuine jealousy.
You definitely describe him in... mouth-watering detail.
hn.
Movingthefuckon.
Interesting that such a creature would want to become a Shadow.. of what sort is Haru exactly? Is he a certain type of Light, or simply fucking delicious?
I was happy with the offer to be Vegeta's 'personal servant', and the subsequent, automatic profession of loyalty to Kakarott.
Ah.. so the affair between the Kings is actively a rumor?
And Vegeta immediately, proudly confirms the fact? Perfect.
I could not reconcile him doing otherwise.. they may be separated, but I do not see him doing anything but staking his claim, confessing to his ownership, even though it may seem a small thing.
Is this *meant* to be flirtation? It has been established that nothing is possible between them already, but... 'foolish rescuer'? Haru smirks, and Vegeta is starting to like it?
Moaning and inhaling Haru's scent like he couldn't live without it, leaning his face into that tempting, exposed neck while Haru holds him closer in obvious encouragement?
Now. Seriously. I know they're thirsty.. they both smell incredible..but I see what's going on here.
I do... like it.. in.. an odd and uncomfortable sense...
And it does not let up there.
I would have to be a bit concerned about Vegeta here. What Haru is doing is certainly polite, yes.. but not *merely* polite. I would have foreseen what came next.
I was shocked at Haru's declaration of love, just like that.. how long Vegeta lingers in his corresponding touches... what should I make of this, author?
-shifts hesitant glance-
You are now causing me to wonder.. if things are as simple as I once thought...
would a...temporary..
...crush..
on Haru be possible?
NO ONE is endorsing it, the question is only for.. ugh.
Whatever. Forget it. Stupidity. -rolls eyes- WHEN DO I GET TO SEE MORE OF KAKAROTT??!!
-suddenly very impatient-
I find it interesting how open Haru is with his emotion, stating so blatantly that he hopes Vegeta will get over Kakarott. Vegeta knows he won't, but I think he is distracted, only slightly, beyond his control. He wants only Kakarott, and I don't see any real confusion there.. he *was* unprepared for this twist of events, though.. and it shows.
-head in hands, fingers ruffling thick black locks, soft noise of exasperation-
Alright, author!!
Is *this* what it looks like??!!
The King of Shadows.. giving hickeys!!.. to this Light?!?!
Haru is shivering at the sound of his name on Vegeta's lips(I don't think it was actually imagination, nothing suggests that it would be), and Vegeta is dismissing his own possessiveness as a common reaction to one's food!!??
Oh no... oh NO....
I am beginning to feel.. very.. awkward...
this...
calls for..
coffee.. and a cigarette..
whatthefuck....
-mutters irritably, stalking off to brood with the coffeepot for long moments-
...
-returns only to scroll to the feeding, ranting in fury once more at the lack of scratch-and-sniff feature.. considers licking screen... but returns to coffeepot-
...
Alright, alright. This *was*.. very sexy. There was A LOT of sensuality that did NOT need to be here for an innocent turning.. no waist straddling was necessary, no gentle caressing of each other's faces..
do I have to go into someone with his back against the wall, his neck being nuzzled and licked?
Yes.. Haru might be hungry.. but *try* to tell me that Vegeta's *blood* is all he is after, and I will scream. That does not even bother me..
I like it.
And. AND!!
Vegeta does, too.
He is *just* as responsible for this encounter oozing sex as Haru, allowing things to get so far before he feels a line is about to be crossed(what line, I couldn't tell you.. I am certain he repeatedly passed any boundaries of propriety Kakarott would have set for him) and then throwing a fit.
He does panic towards the end, and I do not think that Haru would have been kept from his King's blood by any less than the realization that any more would kill him.
But Vegeta is confusing here. He is faithful to his love.. but is definitely in an erotic situation with this other man.. falling into it, pulling away..
Is he repulsed by the thought of Haru drinking his blood again as an aphrodisiac because it would constitute they would be having sex, or only because such a use reminds him of his father?
While Vegeta would not actually have sex with Haru.. he has not exactly been acting horrified by the intimacy between them.
Not at all. He could have kept most of it from happening, but didn't.
I don't think he was so intoxicated by Haru's scent to be rendered unable to prevent all of this...
...it does look.. to me.. like.. in a way... he wanted it.
Furthermore, the attraction is.. tangible, even at the end of this chapter. It remains thick in the air. Vegeta declines Haru's offer yet again, with rolling eyes and a terse 'no thanks,' yet... he precariously walks the line in this circumstance.
His heart lies with Kakarott, I have no doubt of that, and neither does he..
it is a fact.
But this cannot be said to be innocent either..
take into account how Kakarott would feel upon seeing any of this, knowing exactly how things happened.
Something to consider.
Where does Haru stand with Vegeta? It is much closer than the King will admit to him.. and.. perhaps.. closer than the King is willing to admit to himself?
It might be the wrong idea.. Vegeta's feelings come nowhere near Haru's, without a doubt.. but something.. something.. is there.

*Then his eyes became half lidded and he smiled softly. Wow. It’s been awhile since I’ve seen him smile. “Yes. Of course I do, my King.”
*Then, very gently, he laid a hot hand on my face when my head was turned from him and I stilled as a powerful scent slammed into my face and I almost went feral at the delicious smell of it.
*Then again, he didn’t smell this lovely.
*Only my Kakarot can do such a thing! Who does he think he is? (That's right. Get a hold of yourself!! Hmph.)
*His lightly silver hair shined in the light, yet I couldn’t help but notice that it was kind of black looking. His features were sharp and handsome and his eyes were a crystal green. Though all of the Lights had green eyes, but this one’s were exceptionally beautiful. He was probably a little taller than me and a bit bigger, from this point of view anyway. Definitely not Kakarot, but stunning none-the-less.
*I took another instinctive breath and immediately regretted it. The painful feeling of thirst took over my body for a moment and caused me to pounce on him, even though he didn’t move an inch.
*“Apparently the rumor was right.” (Mmhmm.)
*His scent was strong and it was getting stronger by the minute. I didn’t think such torture existed. I couldn’t hold my breath anymore. I kept inhaling his scent like I couldn’t live without it. Many times I started to incline my head towards his fully exposed neck before I realized what I was doing. Every time I started to do so, Haru would hold me closer and that wasn’t helping me at all. Idiot.
*“You…are interesting. I kept on hearing talk about you and I didn’t really see what the big deal was until I decided to see you for myself, and now I see why.” he lifted his other hand to gently trace my face again as he did before and I couldn’t help but be hypnotized by his features and his words, trying to make sense of what he’s trying to tell me.
*I should be repulsive to anyone who lay their eyes upon me. Except to Kakarot apparently.” I added the last part quietly.
*But, what else is my reason to join you, my King? (Did Haru give up his life as a Light only to be with Vegeta? Love at first.. sight? Scent?)
*He hesitated. “I’m not sure really. Maybe I was kind of hoping you were thinking the same thing. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get over Kakarot.” He ended that with a smile, which is now starting to annoy me.
I rolled my eyes, “What, you thought maybe your scent would win me over or something? Yeah right. It’ll take more than…” I decided to keep my mouth shut there. Don’t want to give him any hope. Mainly because I’ll never get over Kakarot.(I just.. liked this.)
*He continued smiling at me then held me closer to his body again as we took off. (And we can see Haru has no intention of giving up.)
*I finally just started sucking on his neck, leaving red circles in my greedy mouth’s wake. (-lazy brow raise- ..still don't know what to think of this. Definitely one of those things that could give the.. wrong.. impression.)
*It seemed to be my imagination, but it felt like he shivered when I said his name. Hm.
*Just the thought of anyone drinking this delicious morsel made me growl. Of course, it’s a normal reaction for one who claims their ‘food.’ (Is he explaining this to the reader, or trying to convince himself?)
*He smiled a little again. He smiles a lot. (He *would*.)
*“Yeah, idiot! No thanks to any of you!” I tried to say the last sentence as loud as I could so everyone could hear it. (Haha!! -shakes head- fucking fools..)
*I moaned at the taste while my prey moaned in agony. Oh! It was like honey! So very sweet, yet it smelled like cherries.
*I crawled on top of his motionless body and straddled his waist. I leaned down toward his face and started to trace his features with one of my hands, like he did with me. I watched his eyes opening and closing, trying to fight death as I felt the warmth fading from him. “Are you ready, Haru?” I thought I asked menacingly. (He *thought* he asked menacingly.. what was his tone *actually*?)
*I laid his head on my lap as he greedily drank my cold blood.
*The next moment, he was right in my face. “But I want your blood. No one else’s. Yours is delicious.” He put his hands on either side of my head and started nuzzling and licking my neck.
*I want to see my love again before I die. (I like how Kakarott never truly leaves his thoughts throughout this.. it alleviates any real confusion, the way he continues to pop up. Nicely done.)
*After that, you were unable to leave my side and still are, aren’t you?” I looked at him casually as I repeated the memory to him.
He smiled at me again and looked to the side. Aw. He’s embarrassed. I smirked at the thought. It seems like he has changed somewhat since then. Though, he’s more in control of himself now and that maybe the only change. He’s still infatuated with me and his reactions are rare. Though I admit, I miss his crystal green eyes and that scent.
He looked back up at me, “I’m sorry for the way I acted when I turned. I didn’t realize it would feel so…wild and good.” He closed his eyes at the memory.
*No! It won’t be like that! Then Kakarot’s scent will be gone and so will his warmth and the chocolate pools that are his eyes. (Mnh.. the way you describe his eyes here... just.. beautiful.)
*Though, my King.” As usual, Haru interrupted my thoughts. “I can still be yours if you like.” He said that with a sadistic smirk.
*He laughed then. I looked at him, shocked. I’ve never heard him laugh. “I wouldn’t expect you to say yes. I know you’re still in love with him.” (What type of laugh is *this*? Why would he...laugh? Is it.. awkward? No.. he knew he would be refused. Is it.. malicious? The 'I-will-have-you-whether-you-know-it-or-not-even-though-this-laugh-seems-perfectly-innocent' laugh? -ponders intently-)
*Haru looked out the window as well. “Well, we better get ready for the raid. Orders, my King?”
I pondered a bit. “Alright. Let’s not strain ourselves this time. Since we don’t have very many men this time. Don’t get very many. A hundred ought to do.”
He bowed and left the room. I looked at the sunset one last time as the last of the sun’s rays were showing, then followed my loyal servant shortly after. (And the subject was dropped so easily, just like that.. it seems completely appropriate for these two, as if there is a mutual understanding. Haru will always belong to Vegeta, who will always belong to Kakarott. Good place to stop.)

I enjoyed doing this, completely. I am still confident as to where everyone stands, but this chapter adds a bit of... -searches for word-
whatthefuck.
I loved it, amazing. Even though nothing did really happen, you set Haru's infatuation up perfectly.. and, if I do say so myself, Vegeta gave him plenty of reasons to fall more deeply in love.
All the better reason to be driven to the brink of insanity by the loss of his King?
To do something.. heatedly jealous.. and passionately violent?
Let's hope so.

#10 is next...

ahh, angst. this is only part one. I wonder how long it is going to take. Please let vegeta to be all right.

#10

Ah..
Kakarott's blessed POV.. I needed this desperately after that last.
He's so lovely.
I was glad to see he was willing to turn.. despite not being proud of the decision, feeling
scared and ashamed..
he was going to surrender to be with his love.
As he described what he thought his.. life.. might be like as a Shadow, I found myself
shaking my head in alarm. He just couldn't be that way.. never.. ever.. ever. The concept
is awful.. my reason for thinking this has been stated before, and more vehemently held
now.
It would have been unspeakably tragic to see him adopt this lifestyle to be with Vegeta,
who detests existing as a Shadow just as well.. yes, they would be together.. but
Kakarott would have sacrificed his warmth.. and..
I am so...infinitely glad that never happened. I would have still read and reviewed.. but
most certainly, I would have been heartbroken.
Of course, his thoughts on Vegeta made me smile..
and his bravery is amazing, admirable as he steels himself to enter the offensively obvious
hideout, consciously looking at the last rays of the sun for what he thought might be the
last time, before finding the strength within himself to turn back towards that door.
Hmm.
How were they both surprised upon seeing one another?
Was Kakarott suppressing his ki? Was Vegeta? I would think they should easily have felt
one another that close, separated by nothing but a door.
Heh. Powerful urge to kill Haru. -grins- He just might have to.
I adored Vegeta's sarcastic, witty response here.. will make the quotes for sure. Perfect,
perfect, perfect. Especially when ended with a smirk, his gaze never leaving his love.
He is too smart for his own good.
Oooh... and further anger from a perceptive Kakarott. Haru undoubtedly purrs the title..
Another situation where I find it so hard to believe that the guard would just walk away,
leaving his King alone with Kakarott. Take the men away, sure. Remain hidden? Most
certainly. Even if he is so accepting that he will lose Vegeta, though.. he is constantly
protective.. would he truly take Vegeta's word so easily and leave him? Apparently, he
would, but it just does not settle with me that he wouldn't be watching, from
somewhere. If he was watching here, he probably would have interrupted, as you
mentioned was a possibility in your note.
The intimacy here is spectacular, breathtaking.. it is the little details that made me
positively.. lightheaded. The stroking of Kakarott's hand on Vegeta's waist, Vegeta's hand
covering his love's while he tipped his head back and closed his eyes.. fully trusting. You
do an excellent job of portraying Vegeta as the submissive through the loving gestures
between them.
Not to mention.. the kiss that follows...mnh.
Kakarott's confusion is appropriate, since last he knows, there was still a competition to be
held, a game to be played.. yet here is a horrified Vegeta in front of him, confessing to
being afraid, yet entirely opposed to the idea of turning Kakarott into what he is.
I was glad that this did not drag on to much longer..
I was more than ready for this agreement to be made.
Vegeta's hysterics were timely and necessary, as was Kakarott's soothing..
the suspense killing!!
Fortunately, I did not expect(for long) that there would be turning here...
at first, I was on the edge of my seat, until realizing how implausible it was several lines
later.
They would have *had* to return to the Lights' primary location.
The transformation sounds.. fucking terrible. Despite the admission that he will most likely
panic, Vegeta knows already that the pain is said to be 'unbearable', as he pondered
before. Kakarott's details do give him quite a bit more horror to consider.. but this *is*
Vegeta we are talking about.
It will be awful.. no way around it. The specifics may be unpleasant, but he would rather
know exactly what will be happening to him. He will have no control over it, but it will
make him feel better prepared. Knowledge is power.. even when one feels powerless.
The debate over how they would travel was adorable. Glares that make Kakarott's heart
flutter as he crosses his arms and pouts. Vegeta is silent before stomping over. In
character.
Though I was painfully aware it wouldn't happen yet, I was squirming in anticipation as
Kakarott licked and sucked upon the spot, leaving his precious red circle before running his
thumb over the cold, abused flesh.
And then... the chapter was over.. and I *flew* to the next.
Fuck running.
*Flew.*
-smirks-

*I thought about my love, of how cold and practically emotionless he is. I wonder, will I
be like him? Will my personality be completely erased and be replace with coldness and…a
dead heart? I shook my head. Don’t think about it too much, otherwise you’ll change your
mind.
*How did I ever fall in love with someone like him? I though back to the first day I met
him. He was showing emotion when I first saw him. His red tears streaked his face and he
tried putting up a front by hiding his sadness. I’ve always admired his bravery, but it made
me proud and sad when he would try to be strong in the worst of moments, but it
caused him to push me away. I know he’s strong, but no one’s that strong. Not to
mention he’s dead gorgeous. How can anyone not fall in love with him? He’s powerful,
proud, beautiful, and his ego has no equal. (Yes.. this *is* all true, isn't it?)
*Just go inside. I can’t move. I’m freaking out so bad I’m frozen! Shit. (And he still goes
along with it.)
*This is the worst hideout yet. Maybe Vegeta is losing his touch on his survival instincts.
What a time to be losing that.
*I believe it was his loyal guard. I instantly had this powerful urge to kill him.
*Vegeta stopped, but didn’t turn toward his men. Instead, he looked at me, “You’re
right. It could be a trick. Though, don’t you all find it odd that he came alone? If he was
looking for a victory, don’t you think he should’ve brought an army with him?” He finished
his cocky suspicions with a smirk.
I smirked back. He’s too smart for his own good.
*All the men talked amongst each other until the person I recently loathed more than
anything spoke, “If you are so sure of this my King, then we shall leave you be. Come on
men! Our hunt will have to wait.” I swear he purrs his title. I clenched my fists.
*I turned to my love and stroked his hair and face, “It’s beautiful.” I said in a way to make
it seem like he is too, also beautiful.
*I smile at how he reacts to me so much. I rest my other hand on his waist and stroke
him there. He rests his hand on mine and tips his head back a little, eyes still closed. I’m a
little surprised at how much he trusts me. I step closer to him and gently kissed his neck.
He froze for a moment, then opened his eyes and leaned his head forward ‘til his cold lips
were right up to my heated ones. (-extended, blissful purr, tail swaying lazily-)
*I kissed him sensually and he moaned. I took that to my advantage and delved my
tongue into the coldness of his mouth and his icy tongue met with mine. His fingers once
again twined into my hair to keep me in place. He leaned more into me as the kiss
deepened and I held him there, not wanting to ever let him go. He tried pulling back, but
I didn’t let him and kissed him a bit longer until I had to come out for air. (If Vegeta could
ever lose the breath he lacks.. it would be here.)
*I want you warm and alive. I want to keep you the way you are.
*His steps are unsure and unsteady, his lustrous tail was showing many signs of discomfort,
but he walks up to me and kisses me deeply. I kiss him back and quickly wrap my arms
around him. I rub his back and try comforting him, when he pulled back slowly. “I’ll…I’ll j-
join you Kakarot. I’m all yours.” He closed his eyes, as if in defeat. (Beautiful.)
*He gripped my arms and answered me in a more anxious voice. “Yes! Do it before I panic
and change my mind!”
*Actually, you shouldn’t worry. Let me do the worrying, okay? I’m the one who’s looking
after you.
*Damn it! They’ll probably lock me up and tie me down! I don’t want that sort of
attention, Kakarot!”
“Hey! No one’s going to do that to you, alright? I won’t let them.” I held him close as I
said this.
*“Wait…how do you even know what hyperventilating is, if you don’t have a working
heart?”
He gave me a look that was clearly saying, ‘you’re such an idiot.’ “Because of all the Lights
that I’ve interrogated and killed, I’ve learned some of their reactions. Obviously.” He
ended sarcastically. (This was humorous, accurately in character for these two.. Kakarott
was on the right mental track after realization sunk in, just didn't quite go far enough.
Idiot. Heh.)
*He gave me one of his glares that make my heart flutter, for some reason.
*I crossed my arms and pouted while he growled in impatience.
*I pulled him close and leaned my head down for the third time towards the same spot
where I was going to bite him before, and kissed him tenderly there. Then, I gradually
started to lick and suck at the same spot. He moaned in response and tangled his fingers
in my hair again. After a couple more licks, I pulled back, leaving a red circle in place. He
moans in loss of my warm mouth on him, but he allows it. (Another place where I was
glad to be behind and would not have to await an update.. even though it was already
up. Heh... The closer I come to chapter 12, when I will have to be patient, the more
hostile and restless I become.)


All of your chapters are excellent, and I know it only will get better after this..
I do not know your taste in music, but I found my iPod shuffling to some relevant
selections as I worked tirelessly throughout the day on this.
You might like them.
"Night and Day"-Informatik
"My Savior"(L'Ame Immortelle RMX)-Fleshfield
"Before the Dawn"-Evanescence
"Beloved"-VNV Nation
"Love Never Dies, Part One"-Apoptygma Berserk

#11 and #12 will be up by the early morning hours of 10 June.

#4..

The immediate and shameless impatience is lovely.. you can nearly see how Vegeta is going mad within the first section, one moment thinking the situation nearly hopeless, though with a renewed sense of confidence at the end. This is definitely not the extremes of sanity, by any means, but he is certainly pushing it..
This entire chapter reeks of Vegeta's skill in battle, his taste for a good strategy.. and his characteristic anger when things do not go as planned. The blow of being outdone here is lessened by the fact that he will see his love regardless, his attitude towards their unlikely victory further giving away the shape of his heart- he could not really give a shit less if they win, or who dies.. as long as he is met with Kakarott, one way or another. Both his ruthless tendencies and adoring nature are exposed by his consideration of Bardock' murder... he would certainly do it, if only for the mere inconvenience the former King has caused.. but the idea is immediately and easily dismissed because it would bring sadness upon his love. I also liked very much the mention that Kakarott is not intellectually adequate to provide any such difficulties as the ones encountered in this chapter.. Vegeta is totally honest with himself about where his love's strengths and weaknesses lie.. a vital ingredient for true love.
I adore the cursing.. so fun, so appropriate.. I am forever spewing the word 'fuck', which seems to be an entirely natural thing for any good, in character Vegeta to be doing as well.. I abhor when writers water him down to something as Funimation-approved as 'great galaxies!!'
Keep the 'fuck' coming. -smirks-
Speaking of which...
things really do get all fucked up for him in this chapter. Granted, he makes a quick and impressive recovery, despite the damage that moron did by ordering most of the group to remain as they were. What a fucking ass! -grumbles- Anyhow, yes.. nicely done in the way you established an initial strategy, analyzed all angles upon the change of variables, and implemented a new plan. I.. am not one to admit this.. afuckinggain.. but.. that would have been my course of action, given the abrupt alteration of circumstances.. so...
-scowls in recovery-
you got lucky. Hn. Congratulations.
Heh...
moving the hell on.
Ah.. Haru's love makes him sick? Heheh.. I think that, despite such a sentiment, his apologetic comment is admirable. Yes.. he smirked, is sickened by the others affection for him.. yet acknowledges his loyalty and even takes pity on his guard for their unrequited love. Tch. And you know what? That bastard *is* a coward, taking into account that nonsensical and nauseating whining at the end!! I can see why Vegeta could not love him in return, Kakarott or no. Ugh.. Haru *annoyed* me there. He is going to have to be A LOT more impressive to pose any threat whatsoever to our beautiful, beloved King of the Lights.. DAMMIT!! I want to see some badass jealousy, some fucking fire from this 'loyal guard'!! It's all well and good that he might love his King enough to want his happiness, even if it lies with another.. that's fucking sweet. BUT IT IS NOT WHAT I WANT!! -nearly throttles author in fury, opting instead to casually fold arms across chest and shift a deceptively expressionless glance, lazy tone- Something must be done to rectify this. Haru must cease to be so fucking pathetic.
His bitch level.. must.. go.. down.
I have some suggestions.
-purrs while smirking teasingly, waving tail in a beckoning, flirtatious motion- do you.. want them?
(I do need you to update, so while your far more heathenish method of persuasion is delectably tempting..
I will attempt this route before gleefully severing any limbs.)

*He’s my little addiction. ('Little'.. heheh... heh.. you know there is too much I could say about this.. but I won't.)
*It’s almost getting to where we’re attacking every night. I need him. So bad. (Entirely. Sexy. Desperation.)
*I hate to say it but, Kakarot isn’t exactly that intelligent to give us this hard of a time.
*The last thing I want to see is tears in his eyes. In those precious, innocent eyes. Sorrow does not belong in them.
*I say all this with my back facing him. (Hmph. *Good*.)
*Uh. I hate waiting. I want him now. Now, now, NOW! (That annoying little twat from Willy Wonka on motherfucking SPEED. And just what is tastier than chocolate? -smirks widely- That's right.)
*I want him to want it.
*Where the fuck are they?!” Damn it!! I want him! I want him! (I love the rage, divided between what he does and does not actually say.)
*“Tell me, was that decision yours to make?” I asked him calmly. I love putting fear in them.
*Shit!! Now they have the upper hand! What plan could they have possibly thought of to mess us up this much?! Okay, think. Where could they possibly be hiding at? Damn I’m thirsty. My army is thirsty and we have no food to prey upon. Shit. They’ve really planned this. The more thirsty we get, the weaker we become. (Rapid progression of profanity and strategic musings.. yay.)
*Sunrise isn’t waiting! (Also known as 'hurry the FUCK up.' Ha.)
*What pisses me off more than anything is how they fucking found them in the first place!
*I smirked slightly. He’s so loyal, it makes me sick. It’s so obvious that he’s in love with me. I’m sorry my loyal pet. My cold, dead heart has been taken by another. Another who’s heart is warm and alive.
*Though, an untamed Kakarot does sound very erotic, but I also care about that warmness that he possesses.
*Of course, that’ll never happen. (Mmmmhmmmm. -patronizing tone, eyeroll- ..keep telling yourself that... you know you fucking want it.)
*I knew it. I fucking knew it!
*Hn. Coward. (-grunts, glares, is STILL pissed about this-)
*I’m coming for you and you can’t hide from me. (I guess we could quibble over who exactly came for who, here.. but it doesn't matter. The outcome is somewhat happily the same.)

#5

I was excited to get to this chapter...
and am positively thrilled to know that this is MPREG. I do so anxiously await that.
-stares through narrowed eyes in an attempt to discern mentioned hair color-
This is my official reminder that you should not yet take your limbs for granted, my precious.
-sadistic smirk-
But, as I so often say...
movingthehellon.

This was an impressive plan.. I was somewhat pissed about it at first, a sure sign of a *decent* tactic, at least..
not of Kakarott's mind to be certain.. -shrugs- but infuriating all the same.
So, the Shadow hideout *was* cleverly hidden, hmm? There is minimal consolation in that..
not that Kakarott would likely have *any* realistic notion of what 'cleverly hidden' would actually be..
but... hn. Whatever.
I was happy to see that he had enough sense to let that one Shadow go in order to retrieve Vegeta.. uncommonly sound rationale on his part, if I do say so myself.
Obviously, I am falling everywhere in excitement over Vegeta's appearance. I do not know that I will be able to rave about much else, being so overjoyed about it.
Fucking perfect.
I could tell you about those colors I like so much again.. you knew that was coming. His ensemble sounds entirely, totally sexy... the coat!!
I MUST possess the fucking coat!! Unbelievable..
The way you described him head-to-toe was nice, the lack of respiration and dead eyes. The soulless quality that you gave his gaze and the noted change in his voice went a long way to show that some changes had been made, and though they may not be as striking to the casual observer, they were utterly heartbreaking to the one who knows him most intimately.
Allow me to rant further.
The malicious smile, unwavering stare and simple 'kill them.'
You have to already know I would appreciate this.
So well-hidden is Vegeta's love, his longing.. though you and I are aware of just how deeply it's burning, it is concealed without flaw beneath his cold exterior.. even from Kakarott.
Violently, ruthlessly, bloodthirsty sexy.
You even managed to make him attractive to me, which is hardly typical.
The aura of his arrival is evil and powerful.. you give him such a presence here, which I was so glad to see done so effectively. This is one area that I think some authors could have totally fucked, in my not-so-humble opinion.. as I have mentioned before, I am a picky bastard when it comes to all things Vegeta. I would say without question I know how it should be done, and why.
This was seamless.
So....
gracious as I am..
you will be permitted to comfortably keep all of your appendages..
for now.

*My love will be so pissed. (The obligatory Kakarott stating the obvious. Nice.)
*That’s right. Go tell him that we are here. Tell him that I am waiting for him.
*My light brown tail sways sensuously, thinking about what my love could look like after all these years.
*He looks right at me and he slowly approaches our group and signals his men to stay where they are. No one else is moving. Me, I can’t even breathe, let alone move. He’s so lovely. He’s hardly changed in appearance since the last time I saw him. Except his attire is different. A tight, dark red tank top over that small, muscular chest. A chest that doesn’t move. No sign of inhaling or exhaling. I suddenly struggle to start breathing again and continue to study him. Loose black pants, black boots…my eyes move back up…and a sleeveless, tattered, black overcoat that reaches to his knees. I stop my wandering eyes to stare at his face. He’s still the same. That beautiful, pale face. I then made the mistake by looking into his eyes. They haven’t left me. Those cold, lifeless eyes. Those aren’t the same eyes as I remember. I remember innocence and sorrow being in those endless pools. Now I just see…nothing. No emotion whatsoever.
*He continues to stare at me a little longer, before his lifeless eyes finally let go of their hold on me and moved across the rest of our group. He smiled. Not that innocent smile that I loved so much, but a malicious one. A shiver wracked my body.
*His cold gaze came over to me again and it stayed there. Then, he said something so cold that I knew it would forever haunt my dreams. A deep, chilling voice said, “Kill them.” I don’t know that voice.
*I have to show him…no mercy.
*“Did you miss me, my love?”

As promised, 6 and 7 are forthcoming..

Oh.
And throw the Dark Vegeta plushies to the peasantry, if you must... -shudders-
but...
BUT!!
-evil, narrowed gaze-
I hereby claim EXCLUSIVE rights to the Light Kakarott plushie.
It is mine.
No one else's.
I fucking want it.
-extends gloved hand, possessive growl, tail thrashing in impatience-
Now.

Vegeta was was so much agony and Kakarot was breaking his little heart out crying. I don't know who I felt more sorry for :(

Made me laugh when Vegeta was saying to himself that he wouldn't dress like a Light. That's my Vegeta! I feel he should still be a little dark even after being turned. He is a king afterall.

Why doesn't Vegeta want Kakarot to give him energy? Doesn't he know Kakarot would give his soul for him let alone his energy. Guess it cos he's so out of it at the moment. Hope they contiue to force it into him.

So, some mpreg on the way, oh goody, but who will get preggers or will both of them, and will the result be a gray? Can't wait to find out :)

Let me know when you do your Vegeta pic, and if you do one of Kakarot or them together that would be fab too :)