rate_review Reviews

Yipeee, they finally got together!! I'm so happy for Trunks and Gohan. Lol, I think I read in your author's notes that you might write a threesome between Trunks and the brothers and that would be soo hot!! Please update more! I want to see how their relationship blossoms.

Hm, I'm tempted to agree with quatreofdoom up above me, but...no. This works. Most certainly.

Okay first, and I'm going to start with one of the less consequential things, I really liked the jumping off a building metaphor. Why, I don't know, but it was just...really good. I don't know.

With that out of the way, I have to say that Goten completely stole the show in this chapter. His scenes, and his conversation with Gohan most especially, were just utterly perfect. You really, really showcased his growing maturity here, I feel, making him more identifiable (to me, at least). I particularly liked the line about "The childhood that he selfishly clung too even now;" He's aware that he needs to start acting more like the adult that he's becoming, it seems to me. And I'm really glad that He's going to give Goku another chance, and that Goku himself has finally realized some of his own shortcomings. Because now, even though he didn't get Trunks back in the end, at least not in the romantic context (which I would have been okay with, by the way XD), you've given the impression that he's going to be alright, and I'm glad he'll still get to be happy. Well done.

Now, the date. Fabulous. You were worried about it being cheesy; it totally wasn't (I, however, spent the whole scene sighing like a fucking fourteen-year-old girl. No offence to any former fourteen-year-old girls who might be reading this). It was really quite adorable, the whole damn thing. Trunks being all shy and unsure was awesome, as well as strangely in character for him. It's always nice to see the arrogant prince get caught off-guard; and it totally makes sense (especially after you explained it, lol), because I can see him not being used to not knowing what to do.

I think someone else already mentioned it, but I'm kinda getting that 'happily ever after' vibe here. Are you getting close to a conclusion? Or is everything about to go to hell again? I certainly can't wait for the chapter, now (especially if you're going to write that sex scene instead of just fading to black and starting it the next day or something ;).

So, all in all, I decree this to be totally worth the wait. You nailed it.


Awesome Incarnate

aw yay! Gohan and Trunks finally got their acts together and made up....and made out :D
I'm soooo happy!!! haha.
I'm also glad that Goten and Goku are gonna try to repair their father and son relationship....they really do need to work on their issues.
Lmfao Trunks makes me laugh....the whole pouring the champagne on his jeans was so Trunks-like but I loved the little comment Gohan made shortly after that little moment hehe.
I enjoyed this chapter very much (:

You're right. I do want to kill you! Especially because I sense a conclusion on the horizon... I don't want it to end. D:

Grats on finally finishing and bringing me out of the deep abyss of apathy. Maybe I'll get there some day, too.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I couldn't have asked for a better chapter. Goku's alive, things are resolving. Gohan's happy. Yep. Is there more or was this the last chapter? I could be happy either way. I can still hear ocean waves and palm leaves in the background while writing this comment.

You know, I literally squeaked when I saw that this had been updated. XD (Oh, in case you didn't know--and I have a nagging suspicion that you might--I'm Rayne! Yay, pen names!) Anyway, well done! This chapter was certainly worth the wait. It just puts me at ease after all the intense drama from previous chapters. Geez, you have my heart all in this story!! But I simply loved the way you wrote Goku for this chapter. He acted here the way I imagine that he would: strong and caring but just a wee bit (or a lot bit) naive. His love for his sons, especially Goten, was wonderfully expressed here. I particularly loved the part where he told Goten that he would have his back no matter what Chichi said or did. (I'm quite interested in what she has to say, actually.)

But when Gohan jumped off the building and everybody saw them flying and whatnot! O_O I'd like to know the repercussions of that! Luckily, Gohan came to please; that kiss was probably scorching hot! HA! Gohan, you little devil, you. And then whisking the boy off to a secluded beach for a date (among other things)! Surprisingly (or not so?), Trunks' first date! Lovely stuff.

Oh, and yes, I finished my papers (they were pretty mild things, to be honest), but now I'm putting together a right spiffy poster presentation for an upcoming conference. Definitely wigging out about it. This chapter kinda kept me sane for a minute, lol. I look forward to another update! Soon would be great (ie. AWESOME), but whenever you can. :D

As their first date drew to a close, Trunks realized that Gohan was totally square and fell back into Goten's arms. And they both lived happily ever after! THE END


... no?

Shucks.

A lovely story but your OCs somewhat detract from an otherwise fine piece of narrative. Still better than 99 percent of everthing else on this site and in any case you do have some great talent when it comes to pacing and copy editing. As far as slash fanfiction goes I would rate your story a great success and I look foreward to reading your future stories.

Okay, I suppose that, having now read it for the third time, I could probably stop being a lazy ass and review.

First and foremost: You have a fantastic writing style. The narrative 'voice' is wonderfully done, lending that much more thrill to the reading. When you switch between character points of view, it's quite seamless, because I can tell, just from the way something worded, that now we're looking at Gohan, or Trunks, or anyone, actually.

Which brings me to point number two: Characterization. Everyone is spot on, the characters clearly recognizable from the source, and added onto in a believable way, so that it makes sense that, yes, I can see how the differences from the original DBZ are realistic in context of the fact that these people have grown up and had lives, and so on.

On to point number three, which builds off of the above: The relationships are so well crafted, every single interaction is intriguing. And I'm not just referring to the ones with the sex in them, lol. Goten's relationship with his father, for example, has got me on edge, wondering what's going to transpire, as well as Vegeta's with Trunks, and... well, actually all of them. That adds up the make the conflict all the more real, because I can understand the characters, plus you've gone and made me care about them. Damn you.

Now. I know it's Trunks and Gohan. I know that. But I must confess, I've been hoping that he'll get back together with Goten the whole time. Because, and I know I'm sort of repeating myself, but I love the way you've told their story so much that I just can't help but feel sorry for them. Basically, I love Gohan, but not as much as I love Goten and Trunks. They're both so fucked-up without each other, I just want them to work it out and put it all back together. The flashbacks in Chapter 15 did a lot to shed light on their relationship, making me even more hopelessly in love with them.

Which is why Chapter 16 made me jump (literally) for joy the first time I read it. There's hope, I told myself, allowing my desires to cloud logic for just a moment. It's possible! (Again, I know. Trunks and Gohan. I like my little world of denial, thank you. I will continue to live there as long as possible.)

And incidentally, although it has no bearing on anything, I think you should know that I burst into fucking tears when I read Chapter 13. Once near the start of the chapter, when I saw what was coming (Goten, why did you have to come THAT morning!) and then again at the end. Oh, and then again the other two times I read it. Thanks a lot.

Anyway, so. Laziness over. Keep up the good work. And I really don't want to be one of those annoying people who asks for you to write faster, that being impossible, but...you know. I really don't want to have to reread the whole thing again (in one day, no less) in order to get my fix here. Please?


Awesomeincarnate

Oh, this fic is most precious, haha. To be honest, I had been putting off this story for a while, simply because I wasn't in the mood for present Trunks and Gohan together for the moment (I've been extremely partial to the future wonderboy recently). I had read the first chapter a while ago and was thoroughly impressed with your skill. So I put it aside and said I would come back to it later...but then, you know, life and everything. Also, I forgot. ^-^ Anyway, now that I've put off a few papers and whatnot to finish this, I can say sincerely that this is possibly one of the most enjoyable fics I've read in a very, very long time. Your attention to detail is what gets me the most. You seem informed about pretty much all aspects of your story, and I'm always impressed by that. The plot flowed by nicely, and nothing ever seemed rushed, but I never really seemed to get bored either. The way you've developed each main character is great; I can see Trunks's growth clearly, and even Goten's growth, while subtle, is still well-implied. Actually, the troubled, over-worked Gohan has been my favorite character this entire time, and I'm totally a Trunks fan, haha! While reading, I was so...engrossed in the story. Their stress became my stress; I could feel what they felt. *nods* I love that in a story. Now, I can't wait for an update, because I'm pretty sure there's another one of these coming (*insert motivating Vegeta threat here*). Did Goku IT back to Earth and leave the little pumpkins to work out their problems? Because that would be just fantastic, haaa. =D I mean, really, the whole ship can't just...suck so completely, all of a sudden, without somebody having tampered with it. Bulma, I see you. ^o^

Oh, and lol @ venture capital project. I virtually high-five you on your awesomeness. Good luck on your report.