rate_review Reviews

The latest chapter raises more questions! Love it! And yes, Vegeta knows a lot and is only telling a little. But why would he want Goten to leave immediately? Was it to protect him? It had to be, yes? And then I like how relaxed Goten is when he fights now. He is very confident and it is nice to see.
But this war is going to bring high casualties, even if they win. I don't think the Saiyan empire will ever be the same.
Thanks for updating and good work!

I would agree with you that Trunks as a character doesn't seem real. His reappearance is abrupt and to be honest it doesn't make much sense to me.

I think back to the beginning of this story that I read over and over again because it was so beautifully written. All your characters were so three-dimensional, including Trunks. I would read and reread his interactions with Goten because I found them so fascinating. Then you would add in little extras that would add another layer to his character, such as him letting the shyuu off with stealing the cigars, his relationship with his guard and the portrait of him as an insecure child, and his frustration with his inability to comfort Goten after Toharu's death, etc. I remember these interactions because they all revealed something new. You were a master of characterization.

However, then Trunks was slowly stripped from the story. He was mentioned less and less, often in passing every five or so chapters. With this, he was stripped of his personality. His reappearance now makes no sense to me and leaves me a little unsettled as a reader. Who even is this guy? What has he been doing this whole time? From the scenes he HAS been in, it seems like he's just been sitting around obsessing about Goten. His relentless obsession seems to be his only remaining character trait, and even that doesn't even make sense to me. It further portrays Goten as a Mary Sue because WHY is Trunks still attracted to him? Just because he's Goten and everyone loves him? It's been forever since they've even interacted (years, for the readers of your story). Even now that Trunks has returned, in all of his interactions with Goten he's either annoyed or just being pervy. There doesn't seem to be a basis for his crush on Goten anymore. It's just...there because it used to be. From my view as a reader, Trunks isn't a fully fleshed out person anymore. He's just a two-dimensional plot device...and he seems to be moving the plot no where.

I do not say this to insult your work, but rather, to give my feedback as a reader. As a reader, it seems like Trunks was completely removed from the story and now he's trying to be worked back in but with no apparent growth or any changes to his character, despite the fact that we're 30-40 chapters further in the plot. He stayed stagnant while everything else developed, and now readers are supposed to believe him and Goten's little infatuation is just picking up where it left off? It just doesn't seem believable. From a reader perspective, Trunks, as a character, doesn't seem believable.

I hope the coming chapters will help shed some light on who Trunks is, what he's been doing, what his motivations are, etc., otherwise I am going to continue to have a hard time buying his relationship with Goten. It's your story and you can write it in any way you choose, but please consider some of this feedback because it may not be the same experience you have as a writer. You clearly have more insight into your characters than your readers do - so the relationships they have may make more sense to you. But I can say that as a reader, I don't buy a Trunks/Goten relationship without further development. It just seems unrealistic to me.

Whelp, it says a lot more about the author who wants reviews but can’t handle criticism without blowing a gasket.

It’s one thing to have outright, abusive flamers who hate on your homo eroticism, and completely another when someone is trying to point out continuous flaws and how to improve upon your work. Honestly, no one has to take the time out to even review or continue with 60 chapters of repetitiveness. But I suppose “This is the best fan fiction I’ve ever read!” and “Keep updating!” strokes a weak ego to begin with.

Yeah, best not to call your fans with honest-to-goodness opinions “naive assholes”. Opinions are out there, honey, and it's the spice of life to find someone who will share theirs with you, especially when it's about your own work. It's kind of what the working world is like, so if you're going to actually work in the creative field I sure hope you'll handle them better than you do online.

To be honest I kind of agree that Reyn and Goten's relationship seems to have lasted much longer than one would expect, but that only makes me want Trunks and Goten together even more, and it makes the transition more interesting and more powerful. I also think it's weird that Trunks doesn't seem to really care what happens to the Saiyan empire. He's says they'll be lucky to last another month like it's raining outside. He's seems much more interested in getting Goten than anything. What's going to happen to the Saiyans, they are in a lot of trouble. I wonder what Kakarot is doing this whole time, surely he knows more than his silence leads us to believe... Goten's impending death is a little nerve-wracking, too, but he's handling it well. I suppose the idea of seeing the future hasn't really had as much of an impact on me in this story until now. I guess I'll have to wait until the next chapters. Thanks for updating!

This is the first of your stories i am reading, i really like the alternate universe idea. I think Trunks is spot on, while i find it unlikely for Goten to have such a stable/long relationship with Rayn, it should have ended long ago, they might have stayed friends due to their connection of the experiments and reyn may have stayed a rival to trunks anyhow but it just seems unlikely that they would be still together. goten just couldn't be that egoistic, knowing that he isn't in the relationship a 100%. I really need to know how it ends though, i read everything in under a week so the humor is definitely to my liking. oh after toharus death i stopped reading for a day or two, i had to mourn him, he was a favorite of mine.

keep up the good work and good luck on untangeling the whole rayn/goten/trunks triangle. i am very curious as to what we will get to know about the gohan-imposer from gotens dream and how goten will get out of the whole thing with him seeing his own death and all, also what will happen with the war and if we will see a super sayan sooner or later.

Update update! :D

So far I must say that I share the sentiments of your other reviewers. You should put GotenXOC in your summary because at this point with 20-30 chapters of Goten x OC, you have failed to deliver any promise of Goten x trunks. At this point and build up of your story, I can no longer believe a true relationship of this pairing can occur without complete suspension of belief. The first 20 or so chapters were entertaining but after 30ish chapters of Goten x trunks interaction to build upon an already skeptical romantic relationship at best, you would need at least 10-20 more chapters to at least make a convincing tale of them simply being together. But sadly, I can't even envision trunks making an appearance and being the focus of a chapter anytime soon. So in summation, i have no hope for Goten x trunks in this story anymore and seriously wished I stopped reading after ch. 30.

I must say I am eager to find out what will happen now more than ever. So sorry for the long absence my computer broke but I am grateful and pleased at the rate and the impressive content of your updates. The chapters are still long and unpredictable. It seems to me that no matter how hard Goten tries to hide his and Prince Trunks' interests in one another there is no point in it. Perhaps that's why whoever tries to kill him wants him dead... for the same reason Gohan died. Sad really. I'm still interested in knowing what happens. I'm also proud of you for sticking up for yourself. Honestly I find it funny when people remark about the impossibility our improbability of an aspect in a fictional story your reasons for it are your own... and besides even an amateur writer could come up with some deep stirring correlation of things when the time comes and especially if questioned.... anyways it's not important. I believe you have a means to an end and I look forward to each and every chapter to come.
With all due respect
Trista

would have read the new chapters sooner, but i just got my intenet back, i love them, its good to see the little details that make up the whole story. it has been awesome seeing this story come together. it makes me wonder what that harada guy knows about goten, if he is acting weird like that. cant wait to see the next chaper, as always keep up the great work.

I cant wait to read if Goten and Trunks will end up together somehow! Please keep posting this amazing story!