rate_review Reviews

I thought Trunks had some great one-liners this chapter. And I disagree with Goten. Asshole does become him! I laughed when Goten shushed Trunks b/c Mirai was approaching and how he agreed to wipe his mouth after drinking the divine essence. But other than that, Goten was annoying me this chapter. He needs to get his hormones in check! He's oblivious to Mirai's feelings for Gohan and Trunks's feelings for him. And doesn't he find it the least bit strange that he's fallen head over heels for TRUNKS when Trunks has been right in front of him his whole life? Nonetheless, I'm eagerly waiting to see where things go for these boys and looking forward to some hot "this is wrong but it feels so right" lemons.

I've mentioned, right, that I love how you portray Goten?

But the focus of this chapter: Poor Mirai! What is he to do now that he sees Gohan is married? Will he fight for him? Will he sedately give up and focus on his little brother instead? I must know the answers to these burning questions and more!

And...actually I was going to make a disparaging comment about the cliffhanger at the end (how dare you!) but then I thought of what I'm doing for my next fic and decided that preemptive turnabout is still fair play. However, I still insist upon knowing what happens!

And I went back and re-read that part in the first chapter: Much better. It's a lot less abrupt now and gives a bit more depth to the situation, especially into the possible future dynamic between Trunks and his decades-dead father. Good work.

Anyway, keep at it, and don't worry about how fast you're going. We'd all rather have it done slowly and properly than fast and flawed (well, I would, anyway. I'm just being presumptuous and speaking for everyone else as well).

Until next time, I shall wait.

YAYYYYY!!!

All my favorite demi-Saiyans in one place and *already* involved in some kind of fucked up love triangle...quandrangle? Either way, YAY :D

I love stories like this. There's no scary bad guy or looming death of one of my favorite characters. And the angst is all due to suppressed feelings and jealously and yummy, yummy unrequited manlove....oh, yes, this is good stuff. (If there does end up being a bad guy, I'll still like it, of course. I'm just saying :))

Verrry interested to see what's going to happen here. So Mirai comes back to the past, deep down hoping to start something up with Gohan, but meets Goten first and gets...shall we say...distracted. I wonder if his attraction to Goten isn't just the result of seeing Gohan in his physical features. Or even just being horny because who knows how long it's been since Mirai got some? Lol, although looking like that...couldn't be TOO long.... But I wonder what will happen when he sees Gohan. Will he immediately forget about Goten? Or are things with Goten actually going to go somewhere? I hope that Trunks will eat his pride (or whatever it is that's stopping him from admitting his feelings to Goten) and man up before that happens. Because even though I love, LOVE Trunks and Mirai clashing (because that is exactly what I think they would do if they met as adults and -- lets face it -- if there's anything better than one strong-willed Trunks, it's two!), but I don't want to see them really hate each other. And while I know you are very partial to the future wonderboy (oh yeah, I knew you were Rayne :)) I am partial to his present self and I'd hate to see him get hurt too badly. I've only ever seen one other story to pair Goten and Future Trunks, and that one...well, it didn't turn out very well for my present-timeline prince. But, there are 2 Trunkses and 2 Sons...so, I'm sure they can work something out! Worst case scenario...an orgy.... LOL. Oh, I laughed when Mirai thought 'thank god goku only had 2 sons' or whatever LOL.

All that to say, way to do a realistic job with a very rare pairing :) Also I'm glad to see Goten and Trunks have both accepted that they're gay. That way we can get right to the good stuff :D

Now...Trunks ^_^ You've done both of them so well! I like Mirai's thought processes. Esp. how he realizes when he's having inappropriate thoughts and chastises himself for them, but doesn't really bother to stop himself from indulging in them. This is very much how I imagine he would be. I still see in him the mischief and other qualities I see in Trunks only somewhat more tempered by experience. Meanwhile Trunks is such a perfect brat! Yet still likable, of course. Love how he orders Goten around and I like how you described Goten's reaction to his orders as almost instinctual, hehe. And Goten is adorable. I absolutely loved when he was sputtering with all the "and then's" when Trunks asked, "what did you just say?" I could totally hear that entire exchange in my head ^_^

Well, I really like this so far. It's fun and funny and I can't wait to see where it goes for all of them. And I'm excited to meet Gohan, since everyone else seems so well-done thus far. I wonder if Videl is in the picture? I guess we'll find out at the party Bulma's throwing....

Can't wait for the next chapter! Hope you'll post soon!

This has potential. I was a bit disappointed with the Vegeta portion in the first Chapter. That part felt to me, as AI put it, rushed. I can't wait to see how Gohan's introduced and what his and Mirai's respective reactions are, especially with the foreshadowing you've left us. Minor pet peeve that I nail *everyone* on: the possessive form of "Trunks" is "Trunks's". Where a proper noun ends in "s" you always add the apostrophe and "s", pronounced like an added "es". Some people are trying to change that BUT THEY'RE WRONG. RAWR!

Also this needs to end with Goten/Trunks and Gohan/Mirai. Just sayin'. :P

Thanks for updating, and thanx for the shout-out. Present Trunks is a jerk, lol! A great follow up chapter, I like the idea of two Trunks' sharing Goten. You set the fic up for a great scene with everyone getting together. Can't wait :)

Yes, the pacing is much, much better in this chapter. I do hope I didn't sound too critical last time, I try to avoid being mean.

Anyway, I liked this one quite a bit. I like the way Trunks and Goten's relationship apparently works here; it's not something I've come across before. I wonder: Are they hooking each other up as a way of avoiding their own feelings? Or am I just overanalyzing?

And I can tell you right now that I'm going to like the Trunks/Mirai dynamic here, with poor Goten in the middle. So much anticipation.

Also, kudos on using the word 'exigency,' which I've never seen before. It's a very short list of people who can force me to look up a word these days.

Oh, and I lol'ed at the toenail fetish. Keep it up (I mean the whole thing...not just that).

Well, you have my attention.

Firstly, I like pretty much any story that has Goten in it; he's just so much fun to read about. Plus it seems like you're planning interesting things with the old Goten/Trunks scenario, so I look forward to seeing all of the developments there. Then there's the whole Gohan angle... and the other Trunks: I'm excited already. It's gonna be a good ride.

I will, however, make one small criticism: The whole thing felt just a tiny bit rushed. The arrival of Trunks, his interaction with Vegeta, the conversation with Goten, all seemed to be happening and over before I could really get into them. Not that it's a major detriment or anything, just something I noticed. If I had to choose, I would rather that than something that was unnecessarily long.

Also, lackadaisical is one of my favourite words too. :D I'm going to find it hilarious every time I see it, now.

I shall await chapter 2 with bated breath (whatever the hell that means)!

Loving it! Can't wait to read more :)