schedule
March 8, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Ack don't leave it there~
schedule
January 16, 2010 at 12:00 AM
OK so since it took me so long to review, I'm going to overcompensate with a super long one lol.
The first thing I liked about this story was how Trunks, knowing full well that it was wrong, was sitting outside Gohan's window berating himself loudly enough for Gohan to hear and he doesn't even bother trying to convince himself that he's not doing it on purpose. I love protagonists with real-life personality flaws. Especially Trunks ^_^
Second, the way that Gohan - who is, what, like, 8? - totally bosses Trunks around here just as Future Gohan apparently did. (Of course I mean "bosses around" in the most endearing possible teacher/student, master/pupil way). But the duality between them was great. The way Trunks was all over-analytical (I thought Mirai was very in character) and went through a whole mini-existential, after which Gohan's just like, 'are you done being dumb now?' Of course Gohan saw no problem with what was happening, having that inborn obliviousness to all things socially appropriate that seems to run in Goku's family.
But now for the serious stuff. I loved the whole premise of this story because no one could really blame Trunks for what happened (despite the fact that he referred to himself as a child molester :-P I LOLed when he took the underwear.... Anyway, he shouldn't be too hard on himself because if he's a child molester, that means Mirai Gohan was too!). Point being, the most absolutely horrible thing about death is the finality of it. The undeniable fact that you will just simply never see this person again, or hear their voice, or smell them. Ever. I mean, to get another chance against all odds...one last chance to show that person how much you love them....anyone with a beating heart would take it!
So...tear-jerking moments:
"The man from the future was perhaps the happiest he'd been in years. Gohan tasted exactly like he remembered, sweet, but not too much so; his favourite flavour. That it was smaller than he was used to was irrelevant; for the moment, Trunks could believe he was the kid again, sucking contentedly on Gohan like nothing else mattered."
"Again, not what he was used to, but the feeling of having Gohan inside of him again was just the best thing that Trunks had ever experienced. It had been such a long time, and he had been certain it would never happen again, this feeling of fullness, togetherness with the man—boy—who he loved so much. Trunks could have died happy right then."
And then when they said their I Love Yous after sex....
Speaking of the sex, I was so happy that it was Gohan/Trunks. I don't know why. Just because most of the time the older person tops but the only shota scene I've contemplated writing with these two, I thought Trunks would let Gohan... I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but I really liked it. For some reason it just...gave me the warm fuzzies...among other warm feelings lol.
Something about Gohan and Mirai Trunks is just so..."full circle"...it gets me every time. Because Trunks becomes to Gohan everything that Mirai Gohan was to Trunks: teacher, lover, savior. You very much did that cycle justice here. And I think it would help Mirai Trunks understand why his Gohan "went gentle into that good night" for him all those years ago. Because he would gladly die for this Gohan. And maybe he can take some retrospective comfort in that. It might be that my emotions are all out of whack because this has been one of the worst weeks of my life thus far, but you really had me on the verge of tears at points.
There were also the LOL bits:
"—and to not be ignored in favour of his own semen, thank you very much—" Hahahah.
"Uh." Though two seconds ago he had been wishing to be the one to impart knowledge, now that the opportunity had arisen, he was feeling rather blank. "Well, it doesn't come out just because you had sex, Gohan. It's actually because of...uh...well, I guess it's basically when you rub your co...dick, like we were, that's what makes it happen. It's called an orgasm." Hahaha, this is why Trunks is not the teacher.
And there were other parts, too. Excellent comic relief.
I thought the hottest parts were the ones where Trunks was drawing parallels between the two Gohan's in his mind:
"An evil grin formed on his face, so intently focused on him that Trunks gulped. He knew from experience that whatever the boy had come up with, he wasn't going to like it.
Or he was going to like it way too much."
"The older man lost the function to sit, falling flat on his back and allowing Gohan to lay on top of him and do whatever he wanted. Not that there was anything new about that."
And I liked it when Gohan got mad that Trunks bit his tongue :) I'm imagining his future counterpart would have had an entirely different reaction to that. Ah, the innocence of youth. Gohan was adorable throughout. I loved his reaction to the taste of semen and when he asked Trunks how long he has to "do this" for LOL.
As far as the end...what do you mean about it being weird?? I loved it. Just loved it. The whole moment with Goku. The jacket...*lip trembles*. And if you are referring the the last 3 lines or so...I think it's just Gohan growing up. Like, knowing that it does no good to be sad, it's not going to bring Trunks back, he makes a conscious decision to be happy. Don't you love when your own characters surprise you with thoughts like that? It makes me feel like Trunks in this story and I have to wonder just who the hell is in charge here! Anyway, I feel like that night with Trunks left him part boy but part man, too. I wonder how he will react in 3 years when he sees Trunks again. Or little Trunks for that matter. Ah, the joys of parallel universes!
As always, nice work :)
The first thing I liked about this story was how Trunks, knowing full well that it was wrong, was sitting outside Gohan's window berating himself loudly enough for Gohan to hear and he doesn't even bother trying to convince himself that he's not doing it on purpose. I love protagonists with real-life personality flaws. Especially Trunks ^_^
Second, the way that Gohan - who is, what, like, 8? - totally bosses Trunks around here just as Future Gohan apparently did. (Of course I mean "bosses around" in the most endearing possible teacher/student, master/pupil way). But the duality between them was great. The way Trunks was all over-analytical (I thought Mirai was very in character) and went through a whole mini-existential, after which Gohan's just like, 'are you done being dumb now?' Of course Gohan saw no problem with what was happening, having that inborn obliviousness to all things socially appropriate that seems to run in Goku's family.
But now for the serious stuff. I loved the whole premise of this story because no one could really blame Trunks for what happened (despite the fact that he referred to himself as a child molester :-P I LOLed when he took the underwear.... Anyway, he shouldn't be too hard on himself because if he's a child molester, that means Mirai Gohan was too!). Point being, the most absolutely horrible thing about death is the finality of it. The undeniable fact that you will just simply never see this person again, or hear their voice, or smell them. Ever. I mean, to get another chance against all odds...one last chance to show that person how much you love them....anyone with a beating heart would take it!
So...tear-jerking moments:
"The man from the future was perhaps the happiest he'd been in years. Gohan tasted exactly like he remembered, sweet, but not too much so; his favourite flavour. That it was smaller than he was used to was irrelevant; for the moment, Trunks could believe he was the kid again, sucking contentedly on Gohan like nothing else mattered."
"Again, not what he was used to, but the feeling of having Gohan inside of him again was just the best thing that Trunks had ever experienced. It had been such a long time, and he had been certain it would never happen again, this feeling of fullness, togetherness with the man—boy—who he loved so much. Trunks could have died happy right then."
And then when they said their I Love Yous after sex....
Speaking of the sex, I was so happy that it was Gohan/Trunks. I don't know why. Just because most of the time the older person tops but the only shota scene I've contemplated writing with these two, I thought Trunks would let Gohan... I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but I really liked it. For some reason it just...gave me the warm fuzzies...among other warm feelings lol.
Something about Gohan and Mirai Trunks is just so..."full circle"...it gets me every time. Because Trunks becomes to Gohan everything that Mirai Gohan was to Trunks: teacher, lover, savior. You very much did that cycle justice here. And I think it would help Mirai Trunks understand why his Gohan "went gentle into that good night" for him all those years ago. Because he would gladly die for this Gohan. And maybe he can take some retrospective comfort in that. It might be that my emotions are all out of whack because this has been one of the worst weeks of my life thus far, but you really had me on the verge of tears at points.
There were also the LOL bits:
"—and to not be ignored in favour of his own semen, thank you very much—" Hahahah.
"Uh." Though two seconds ago he had been wishing to be the one to impart knowledge, now that the opportunity had arisen, he was feeling rather blank. "Well, it doesn't come out just because you had sex, Gohan. It's actually because of...uh...well, I guess it's basically when you rub your co...dick, like we were, that's what makes it happen. It's called an orgasm." Hahaha, this is why Trunks is not the teacher.
And there were other parts, too. Excellent comic relief.
I thought the hottest parts were the ones where Trunks was drawing parallels between the two Gohan's in his mind:
"An evil grin formed on his face, so intently focused on him that Trunks gulped. He knew from experience that whatever the boy had come up with, he wasn't going to like it.
Or he was going to like it way too much."
"The older man lost the function to sit, falling flat on his back and allowing Gohan to lay on top of him and do whatever he wanted. Not that there was anything new about that."
And I liked it when Gohan got mad that Trunks bit his tongue :) I'm imagining his future counterpart would have had an entirely different reaction to that. Ah, the innocence of youth. Gohan was adorable throughout. I loved his reaction to the taste of semen and when he asked Trunks how long he has to "do this" for LOL.
As far as the end...what do you mean about it being weird?? I loved it. Just loved it. The whole moment with Goku. The jacket...*lip trembles*. And if you are referring the the last 3 lines or so...I think it's just Gohan growing up. Like, knowing that it does no good to be sad, it's not going to bring Trunks back, he makes a conscious decision to be happy. Don't you love when your own characters surprise you with thoughts like that? It makes me feel like Trunks in this story and I have to wonder just who the hell is in charge here! Anyway, I feel like that night with Trunks left him part boy but part man, too. I wonder how he will react in 3 years when he sees Trunks again. Or little Trunks for that matter. Ah, the joys of parallel universes!
As always, nice work :)