schedule
February 13, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Much, much better.
It flows a lot easier; the setup makes more sense. It's altogether entirely more readable now, and the underlying talent of the writer shines through a lot better than it did.
Kudos to you.
It flows a lot easier; the setup makes more sense. It's altogether entirely more readable now, and the underlying talent of the writer shines through a lot better than it did.
Kudos to you.
schedule
February 6, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Oops, I reviewed and then removed my review. Here it is again:
Okay, there's a lot of potential here.
I see solid writing, I see a good set-up to what I can imagine will be a good story...I see good sex, XD.
I will make one tiny observation, and I hope I don't come across as being mean or anything: The abruptness of the whole thing through me a bit. It was a little too fast, a little too...all of the sudden. It does make sense in a fashion, especially at the beginning where it's stuff from the movie that there's no point in rehashing for pages, but I couldn't help but think the whole thing could have been a tad slower.
Whew, sorry, I didn't mean to focus on the negative for so long there. Like I said, overall rather good. I'd like to see where it's going XD.
Okay, there's a lot of potential here.
I see solid writing, I see a good set-up to what I can imagine will be a good story...I see good sex, XD.
I will make one tiny observation, and I hope I don't come across as being mean or anything: The abruptness of the whole thing through me a bit. It was a little too fast, a little too...all of the sudden. It does make sense in a fashion, especially at the beginning where it's stuff from the movie that there's no point in rehashing for pages, but I couldn't help but think the whole thing could have been a tad slower.
Whew, sorry, I didn't mean to focus on the negative for so long there. Like I said, overall rather good. I'd like to see where it's going XD.