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schedule
March 8, 2012 at 12:00 AM
It's an amazing concept and the story is extremely enjoyable. I do agree that you should look into a beta just to polish it up...even though I know how rare they seem to be...I would offer my services but I think it's a little presumptuous of me. Anyway, I loved this fic...and I hope you write more!
schedule
March 2, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Nice story, however, there are a lot of grammatical errors.
I noticed that your tenses are a bit off (example: "He felt excruciating pain shot everywhere at once.")
Also: ("His back slap against the trunk, gasping for a much needed air.")
It's difficult for a reader to get into a story, when they encounter such grammar.
I would suggest a beta reader, or (what I do) re-read the story 3-4 times very slowly out loud, and perhaps you'll be able to pick out a lot of the errors in the story.
Good luck :)
I noticed that your tenses are a bit off (example: "He felt excruciating pain shot everywhere at once.")
Also: ("His back slap against the trunk, gasping for a much needed air.")
It's difficult for a reader to get into a story, when they encounter such grammar.
I would suggest a beta reader, or (what I do) re-read the story 3-4 times very slowly out loud, and perhaps you'll be able to pick out a lot of the errors in the story.
Good luck :)