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schedule
March 1, 2013 at 12:00 AM
I definitely agree, it does suck to be him... I mean her... for now. Him later. Hopefully. Though not many can say they were gender-swapped & got a great f*** from a plant!
schedule
February 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Please accept this constuctive criticism. This story is starting out OK in terns of concept and execution, and you have presented an interesting premise, but it is extremely hard to stay engaged in the flow of the story due to the excessive use of capitalized words. In one chapter I counted at least one capitalized word in every sentence. Normally I wouldn't bother to count such things, but I was so distracted by all the ALL CAPS words that it was literally taking over the story, and I started reading just the all caps words to see if I could get an idea of the story simply by reading the capitalized words. (<-- see how much the all caps words jump out at you in this sentence!)
It is understandable if you want to emphasize a word here or there (maybe once in an entire story, or once in a chapter) but if you go back and read the story again you will see there are many instances where the extra emphasis is really unnecessary or redundant. The story will flow much better if you simply eliminate the habit of using words in all caps.
It is understandable if you want to emphasize a word here or there (maybe once in an entire story, or once in a chapter) but if you go back and read the story again you will see there are many instances where the extra emphasis is really unnecessary or redundant. The story will flow much better if you simply eliminate the habit of using words in all caps.
schedule
February 28, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Looks like only half of my review was posted and the other half was chopped off for some reason. Essentially my point is the story doesn't need all of the all caps words and in fact if you take the little bit of extra editing time to remove the all caps words, it will actually flow much more naturally. While extra emphasis may be useful on a rare occassion, maybe once per chapter at the most, for the vast majority of situations it's redundant and usually distracting to the story.
schedule
February 27, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Wow, you're matching me for nightmare-based OCs... On the link I thought 'plant' was a typo & that you meant 'planet'... it wasn't one. Though somehow, on the planet of people named after vegetables, sure, I can see it! The Icejin do have a twisted sense of humor & probably are laughing their asses off in hell. I love how you pick on the Elites & one of the last lines... 'Sucks to be you.' I like it... can't wait for the rest! XD