rate_review Reviews

Loving!

I love this pleaz next chapter I can't wait to read it

I've only read the first chapter so far. I like the story, but the writing itself can use a little help. A proofreader perhaps? Your spelling is good. I believe I only saw one mispelled word. Points up for that. Your paragraghs and punctuation need improvement though. It's not terrible, but little things like that can really distract a reader from the story. For example, you should start a new paragraph EVERY time you switch from one speaker to another.

Aside from the punctuation, the only other thing I noticed was the use of "past" where "passed" should have been used. The two are frequently mistakenly used in place of one another. Also there was the use of "dominate" when the word that should have been used was "dominant."

Your sequencing is good and is easy to follow and the story seems fun so far, so I will continue reading.

Please do understand this is in no way a flame review. All I am saying is to tweak the technical stuff a bit and you're golden, if you haven't already done so in following chapters. Thank you for writing your story and being brave enough to post it.

Wow what a great story, I really like it, Vegeta and Goku are great stories, I sure hope you continue this story. You really have my interest.