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Drowning In You	By : Naomi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > General Views: 449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Drowning In You
- 1
Born Again

DISCLAIMER: And if I told you
that Gundam Wing is mine, would you believe me? . . . . . I didn�t think
so. So why do you even BOTHER to ask?!?!?!

WARNING: 2x1. POV and, uh, ungraceful
Heero Yuy (you�ll see what I mean... *snickers*)

AUTHOR�S NOTE: Just a short
ficlet that popped into my head in the middle of sound class... I hate that
class. It is my LEAST favorite and all I do there is doze off while the teacher
talks on and on about microphones and XLR cables yes">   *   *

That day, the day when
realization had finally dawned on me, was a dark and cloudy day. I remember
there was a storm outside and Wufei muttered something about how the tree in
the yard could give way and fall on the roof of our small cabin. I cracked a
joke then, saying something about how that bloody storm would swipe the house
up in the air and we�ll end up in the land of OZ. Quatre found it funny and
giggled, but Wufei just glared at me for being a complete idiot.

�A bit late for that,
Maxwell, don�t you think?� He said and I hurried to look away. I ignored him
and turned to look at the window. We were sitting in the kitchen, having our
small so-called dinner. But I wasn�t eating. I couldn't bring myself to put a thing
in my mouth. My plate was full and I was watching the wind as it played a vicious game with the
defenseless trees, rocking them back and forth. The skies were dark and
ominous, thick rain clouds charged with lightning.

But yet, I remember, it was hot. It was mid-summer and the
air was thick and hazy. The summer storm that raged outside was a refreshing
break after of a hot and dry weather. The wind howled loudly as it ran past our small safe house, the window
shades creaking as they swung back and forth. I remember that my dark blue
T-shirt was soaked with sweat and my bangs clung to my forehead. It was so hot.

I remember wondering if you�re hot too. Or did the heat
never bother you? Did you even sweat like other people do? I never saw you hot
and sweaty. I never saw your body shivering with cold. I remember wondering,
right then, while watching the trees struggle again the wind, I remember
wondering if you were even human. None of us agreed on going out on that
mission that day, but you did.

I yelled at you before you went. I scolded you for being
so rash and going out there on such a stormy day. You had about thirteen miles
to cover by foot. You didn�t agree to take any sort of vehicle. I remember you
said that we were on OZ territory and it will be too risky.

�The target is not too far.� You said, stashing a
flashlight into your bag. �I will be able to reach the base by dawn.�

I begged you not to go. I told you to wait. I asked you
nicely and then threatened you. I leeched onto your foot like a deserted puppy
and then tried to punch you in the face when you still insisted on going.
Alone.

�I can handle it.� You said, and then loaded your backpack
over your shoulder. You looked me in the eyes then. Your gaze was so blue... so
intense... it rendered me speechless. I could do nothing but watch you as you
stood there, your eyes on me. Those deep blue, haunting blue eyes.

�Please don�t go.� I finally managed to say. There was
this long silence and my heart was pounding strongly against my chest. I didn�t
understand why. I didn�t know. Didn�t realize. Why was I so worried about you?
You are the Perfect Soldier. The one who never fails, never gives up, never
dies, never cries... You�re �Super Human�. That�s what you are. A simple storm
will not stop you. A thousand OZ troops cannot stop you. But yet... I was
worried. My palms were sweaty and my heart was beating so fast, I was afraid
that it would burst out of my body.

We looked at each other for an eternity. You had this look
in your eyes, I couldn�t decipher it. I didn�t understand it. I didn�t realize.
I didn�t know. I should have, but I didn�t.

You left without a word and I watched you go into that
storm. Super human, I thought to myself. Is it even possible to be like that?
Are you really human?

I didn�t know.

*
*   *

Twenty-four hours passed and no sign of you. The guys left
the small kitchen but I continued sitting there, watching the storm. I watched
as the skies darkened and lightning lashed through the pitch-black heavens. I
watched as the rain covering the windows glistered in the moonlight, but still
you didn�t come.

Tired and dejected, I fell asleep in my seat, head resting
on the kitchen table. That night I dreamed about impossible things that only
you could do. I dreamt about your arms bending steel and your fist punching
through walls. I dreamt of your legs, running as fast as a bullet then bouncing
so high over a tall wired fence. I dreamt of your features. Your face. Your
expression never changing as you ran, and hit, and typed and studied and killed.
I even dreamt of you laughing, but your expression still didn�t change. If it
wasn�t for my subconscious supplying me with the fact that you were laughing, I
never could have told that you were. Always a stony face. An empty expression.
Blank features that were always cold, detached and indifferent.

I remember thinking tselfself, as I slowly woke up, that
you were not human at all.

*
*   *

The next day, the rain got worse. It was no longer hot and
I had to wear a sweater. The winds grew stronger, whistling loudly in my ears.
For hours on end I sat there in the kitchen, unmoving, as I listened to the
wind howl.

We spent the day listening to radio transmissions, trying
to hack into OZ frequencies and see if they caught you. It was just not
possible that they did. No one can catch you. No one can defeat you. You�re
Super Human. The Perfect Solider. The man who will detonate his own house and
won�t even blink.

It was just not possible that you were captured. Only
humans make mistakes.

The hours went by, and I grew tired from sadness and
worry. My mind was working on high gears and gave me no rest. I never did so
much thinking like I did that day. So many questions, some philosophical and
some idiotic, ran through my head like a raging highway. My hands kept
trembling and I felt sick to my stomach. There was this forbidding feeling in
the air. Like electricity. The calm before the storm, though the storm was
already raging and I just failed to notice. There was a revelation waiting to be
found, and I was not sure if I could handle it. Something bothered me beyond
the point of restlessness. I was nervous and fearful but I could do nothing
about it.

I knew something was about to happen, and it had to do
with you. I wondered if you ever felt this nervous. Did you ever sit and
anxiously wait something you didn�t even know?

Probably not. Only humans do that.

*
*   *

In the afternoon, Quatre offered that I go to bed, if only
for a few hours.

�I�ll wake you up if we�ll find anything.� He promised
with a kind smile. I smiled tiredly and nodded my head. I dragged myself out of
the kitchen and somehow managed to climb up the stairs and to my room. I
collapsed on my bed, and dreamt.

I dreamt of you again. I dreamt of making love to you. I
dreamt of our bodies burning together as we moved against each other. I dreamt
of your hands on me, in me, all over me. I dreamt of doing the same to you. I
dreamt of the smell of our sweat filling the hot air and the sheets rustling in
the dark. I dreamt of kissing you, tasting you and holding you. I dreamt of our
bodies clashing against each other, sweaty flesh to sweaty flesh, as the storm
outside continued to rage.

I rode you like a stallion, faster and faster, thrusting
in and out of your body as you called out in both pleasure and pain. I looked
down at you through detached eyes, not a single tingle of pleasure coursing
through my body.

And I saw your face. Empty as ever. Blank and indifferent
as I thrust myself into you. You weren�t even looking at me. You were not there
with me. My soul was reaching out for yours, our bodies joined and desperate
for contact, but you weren�t there. I was making love toethiething else, not
you. It was I and the Super Human on the bed. I was fucking the Perfect
Soldier.

I woke up with a scream, my whole body trembling and
covered with sweat. My heart was pounding strongly against my chest and I was
panting like I just ran a marathon.

I never dreamt such a thing. I never thought of you in
that manner. I didn�t understand why this dream suddenly came to me. I didn�t
know. I didn�t realize. Could it be that I wanted you? Is that why I cared? Or
was it a dream with a different meaning, something beyond the sex?

I didn�t know.

I slumped back against my pillow, trying to control my
breathing. I wasn�t hard. Even though my dream held an erotic theme to it, it
was not erotic in any way. There was sex but there was no passion. There was
heat but no desire. There were no moans, no panting, just silence. An
unbelievable, all consuming silence. My heart throbbed as if bleeding, but
otherwise my body showed no response. There was no lust in my dream. There was
just a blank face.

I tried to remember the look in your eyes, wondering if it
was the same look you gave me then, before you left. I wondered if your eyes
were as empty as the look on your face. I didn�t get to see your eyes. You were
not looking at me, or at least, I don�t think that you were. I don�t even
remember if you had eyes. There was not a trace of cobalt in my dream.

But somewhere in my heart, I was hoping that you were
giving me that same look, even though I couldn�t see it. Maybe I was too blind
to see, or maybe I was just fooling myself into thinking that you are able to
look at someone in that way. After all, only humans do that.

*
*   *

Forty-eight hours after you left, I was still lying in my
bed. Alone and depressed, my mind kept playing different scenarios as to what
could have happened to you. At one point I remember Quatre peeking into my
room, asking if I wanted to eat. I think he mentioned making my favorite
vegetable pie, but I really didn�t care at the time. I told him I�m not hungry.
He nodded slowly, his gaze compassionate.

�All right, Duo. I�ll leave you some leftovers in the
fridge.� He whispered and then closed the door again, leaving me to my
brooding.

I fell asleep once more, and n yon you were in my dream. I
was looking into that face of yours again, that cold beauty that marked your
striking appearance. I frowned to myself, but in my dream I suddenly felt free
to admit that indeed, I found you beautiful.

I tried to look at your eyes. They were hiding behind your
wild chocolate-brown bangs. As hard as I tried to see them, they were always
hidden in the shadows.

But I wanted to see them. I wanted to see the look in your
eyes. I wanted to know. I wanted to understand. I wanted to drown in that
swirling blue pools and sink into you. I didn�t want passion. I didn�t want
lust. I wanted understanding. I wanted to know. I needed to see your eyes. I
needed to understand.

I held my breath as you slowly stepped out of the shadows.
I was frozen in my spot, unable to move or breathe or think as you slowly
raised your head up. The light reflected off your shiny brown hair and I was
mystified by the way it moved when you raised your head up to meet my gaze. My
eyes were wide and my mouth gaped in anticipation. I could almost feel the
intensity of your gaze as you slowly looked up...

And whispered my name.

�. . . Duo. . .�

I woke up.

I cursed and punched my pillow. I didn�t get to see your
eyes. They were almost ON me and I didn�t see them! I cursed my mind for waking
up. I cursed it for not giving me the chance to learn. To know. To look at you
and understand.

How could you be so Super Human?

Ironic as it may be, it was the sound of the front door
creaking open, that had woken me up from my sleep. My eyes flew wide open as I
strained my ears to listen well. It was the middle of the night and the air was
still. Everything was quiet. I held my breath and listened.

I could hear the sound of your silent footsteps, padding
softly on the ground floor.

You were back.

And all I could think of that moment was that I had to see
you. I had to see your eyes.

I wanted an answer.

I threw my covers aside and ran down the stairs.

I stopped when I saw a weak light was coming from the
kitchen. Panting quietly from my run, I took a moment to just breathe. I
watched the faint light spill out of the kitchen, illuminating the floor. I
could hear some rattling coming from inside the small kitchen.

Slowly, I walked down the rest of the stairs. I held my
breath as I approached the doorway. I suddenly had the urge to approach you
stealthily. I didn�t know why, I just did. The situation did not demand
secrecy, but still, I kept my steps light and silent, and my breath unheard as
I carefully peeked into the kitchen.

Again there was some rattling and I turned my gaze towards
the sound.

I saw you standing by the open refrigerator. The only
light in the kitchen was the dim light of the refrigerator, washing over your
thin form. You were clad in your usual tank top and spandex, the green shirt a
bit torn and the shorts dirty with mud. You had only one shoe on your feet, a
slim white leg wearing nothing but a muddy white sock. Your other sneaker was in
no better shape. When I looked carefully, narrowing my eyes, I could see a long
gash on your left knee and another one on your right shoulder. Dry blood was
staining your arm. Other small cuts covered your skin, all over. My guess was
that you ran through the woods during the storm, attacked by dozens of sharp
branches.

I turned my attention at what you were doing.

And I felt my heart sink, painfully.

You were standing in front of the fridge, dirty, tired and
bleeding, and in your hand, was my leftover pie. You devoured it, your
movements hasty and desperate, hunger the only thing controlling you. I know
that feeling all too well. I know the need that awakes in you when your body is
desperate for food. I know that feeling when you finally put something into
your mouth and your body awakens with each savage bite. The urge to eat as much
and as quickly as you can, before there�s nothing left. The yearning to fill
the black hole in your stomach until you can no longer move. That all consuming
hunger... your body acting on nothing but instincts.

I stood there silently, watching you as you ate. I focused
on your hands as you picked up a large chunk of the pie and brought it to your
mouth. My eyes did not sway from the sight of your fingers, long and pale and
covered with dry blood. The clotted blood was encrusted around and between your fingers, making
them stick to each other, but you didn�t seem to care. You ate and licked your
fingers hungrily, ignoring the chunks of dry blood between your pale digits.

I stood there and watched as you relieved your hunger. I
stood there and watched Heero Yuy, not the �Perfect Solider�, but a human
being. A human being driven by need and hunger. Not one bit of you was cool and
composed at that moment. Your legs were shaking, probably tired and ready to
collapse. Your hands trembled as you brought them up to your lips. You dropped
some pie on your chin as you ate but you didn�t care. You were sweaty and
bleeding and there was nothing that could move you from your place. You were so
caught up in what you were doing, that you didn�t even register my presence.
Normally you would, I�m sure. But not that time. Not that night. That night I
was the one with the composed features.

I was only able to see your profile from where I stood. It
was enough to see your face but not your eyes. I wanted to see your eyes. I
wanted to see the need in your eyes. I wanted to see the humanity in your eyes.
I wanted to see you, so I could finally understand.

And then, all of a sudden, you stopped. As if finally
sensing that you were being watched.

I held my breath as I saw your shoulders tensing. You
slowly put your hand down, the pie apparently forgotten. Slowly, you turned to
face me.

And my world turned upside down. The floor gaped wide open
and I was falling. I descended down quickly, the blackness and wind rushing
past me. I fell deeper and deeper into the abyss, invisible winds pulling me
back and forth, up and down and to the sides. They swirled and toyed with me,
and I was drowning. I gasped, trying to breathe, but the turmoil would not let
go. I was drowning in an ocean of cobalt and blue. I was unable to look away
from the eye of the storm as it looked straight into me.

I could finally see your eyes. They were looking into mine
and I was speechless.

I saw you. I finally saw you.

I think it was the first time that I saw you, Heero Yuy.

It was then that I realized.

It was then that I knew.

I understood.

I no longer had a doubt in my mind. My question had been
answered and this sense of peace was finally bestowed upon me. The anxiousness
and anxiety were gone. My heartbeat was calming down and my breath even. My
palms were no longer sweaty and I didn�t feel sick anymore.

You�re as human as they get. Just like me, you are of
flesh and blood. You might hide it better than the rest of us, but it�s the
look in your eyes that gives that act away. Those cobalt pools cannot fool
anyone. They are the windows to your soul. The soul of a human, just like me.
The soul of Heero Yuy.

In there, I saw your strength. Your willpower and resolve.
Your determination to succeed. Your loyalty and devotion. Your ruthlessness and
your compassion. Your callousness and sensitivity. Feelings that were so
contrary to one another that it almost hurt for me to see them.

But I looked deeper. Beyond many masks and layers. I let
myself be pulled deeper into the cobalt depths. I wanted to know more. I needed
to know more.

I saw your kindness. Your wish to help and give all that
you can to others. Your hurt and your sorrow. Your pain and the aching need for
joy. Your plea for love, for understanding and acceptance. Your need for
forgiveness. For absolution.

I saw your fears. Your constant fear of abandonment. Of
not being worthy. Of not being meaningful. Of being left behind. Of being
alone. Dying alone. I saw your fear of reaching out, of asking for a helping
hand. Your fear of rejection and mockery. Your fear of hurting the ones you
love. The fear of not deserving love, but yet I saw the deep yearning for it.

Your eyes were like two beacons, your soul calling out
desperately. Two beacons of light in an icy and cold expression.

We looked at each other for the longest of time. I was
unable to look away. It was the first time that I was seeing you, and I
couldn�t stop. Time stood still and nothing existed but us.

Lightning stroke and thunder roared. You gasped and turned
your gaze away. I felt like dying. I didn�t want you to turn away from me. I
wanted, no, needed to look at you. The real you. I just couldn�t get
enough.

Slowly, you took a deep, long, breath, trying to compose
yourself. You used your arm to wipe away the pie off your chin, casting your
gaze down and bowing your head. You knew that I saw you; you knew that there
were no more masks between us, and you were ashamed.

None of us moved as we waited for the other�s reaction. We
just stood there, in the dark, facing each other but too far to reach for one
another. The ticking of the clock echoed loudly in the night, and outside the
wind howled. You didn�t dare to look up at me, and I felt as if my body was
burning with the fear that I will never be able to drown in you again.

�Please.� I whispered, my voice husky and pleading even to
my own ears.ok aok at me.�

You didn�t move at first. You continued staring at your
feet, your arms dangling lifelessly at your side. But then slowly, hesitantly,
you looked up. You raised your head up slowly, careful not to meet my eyes. I
held my breath in anticipation, waiting for you to look at me. You kept your
head slightly bowed, in a shy and insecure manner, and then carefully lifted
your gaze up.

Our eyes met again. Time stood still as we looked at each
other once more. And then you smiled. You looked at me, and you smiled. It was
this weak and shy little smile, full of uncertainty and fear. Your eyes were
shimmering, glistering under the dim light of the refrigerator.

I smiled back, trying to assure you with all my being,
that I will not run away. That I am not appalled by what I�ve seen. There was
this great and overwhelming feeling in my heart. This powerful feeling that
only grew as the seconds ticked by. I knew then. I finally realized. I was
finally assured that the person I fell in love with, was not an emotionless
machine.

I didn�t know how I suddenly figured that I loved you. I
didn�t know and I didn�t care. I was happy. I was overpowered by this great
feeling of joy. My smile spread wider, one of these big goofy smiles that you
just can�t stop. My heart was beating faster, my hands were shaking and my eyes
filled with tears. Realization was a powerful feeling as it dawned on me all at
once.

I took a step forward, still smiling at you. You shied
away then, taking a small step back, but I stopped you. I took your hands in
mine and held them up to my heart. We were standing close to each other, so
close that I could feel your quickening breath against my skin. You looked up
into my eyes, your own eyes srge rge and vulnerable all of a sudden. Your
expression was no longer blank and void. It was fearful and full of anxiety.

I squeezed your bloodstained hands and smiled at you.

�Next time,� I whispered, seeing the nervousness and worry
in your eyes. I leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your lips. I then
withdrew and looked into your eyes. �Next time, please don�t go out alone. You don�t
have to anymore.�

Your deep blue eyes widened in surprise, and then
softened. You sent me another small smile and slowly nodded your head. �Hai.�
You whispered back, your voice choked as if you were crying. And indeed your
eyes were glistering with tears.

You didn�t let them pour out and hurried to wipe them
away. You sniffled and bowed your head, as if in shame. �I failed my mission,
Duo.�

I looked at
you compassionately and gently caressed your hair. �It�s okay. You made a
mistake. Everybody does.� I placed two fingers under your chin and gently
pulled your head up so I could drown in you once more. I smiled kindly and
turned to caress your dirty cheek. �It�s the human thing to do.�

You smiled, and gave out a small chuckle. I wanted to
whimper as you closed your eyes and leaned into my caress. You nuzzled your
face in my palm and I felt my legs turn into jelly.

�I�m tired.� You whispered after some time, and slowly
pulled away. You didn�t let go of my hand and we walked together towards our
shared bedroom.

*
*   *

And now, I�m lying next to you, many weeks later, holding
your warm body as you sleep. The sun has barely risen, but I am awake. I
indulge in the feeling of your body next to mine, bare skin against bare skin,
your arms wrapped around me. I smile and bring you closer to me, nuzzling my
face in your sweet hair. I lie here and watch as the first rays of light filter
through the white drapes, washing over your handsome features.

Your face is calm, content and almost innocent in this
serene atmosphere. The calmness of dawn is all around us and I inhale the sweet
and crisp air. Bicomecome to life out of our window, singing their morning
chant. You continue to sleep peacefully in my arms, as I watch you, waiting
patientlr yor you to wake up.

I feel you stir and a smile creeps up my lips. I watch you
breathlessly as you slowly stir awake and my breath is stolen away when I see
the first crack of striking blue. I smile and lean closer, watching you
breathlessly as you open your eyes. My own personal sunrise.

Your thick eyelashes flutter, blinking once or twice
before they open fully. I feel you stretch a little in my embrace, and then you
turn your head up.

You look at me.

And I�m drowning once again. Taken into the depth of your
oceans, I swirl and spin andl del deeper into the depth of your eyes.

�Good morning, love.� I whisper and lean down to kiss your
delicate lips.

You smile and kiss me back.

We look into each other�s eyes and ten eternities fly by.
Nothing can outshine this moment. Nothing can be compared to the feeling that
takes me over when I look into your shining cobalt eyes, and drown.

Ever since that one rainy night, I know that I was meant
to drown in you.

OWARI.

Naomi�s sound teacher: Naomi!
Wake up! What in Hades are you doing?!?!

Naomi: *blinks and looks
around* Anou. . . . . . uh. . . . I was. . . uh. . .

Sensei: You were dozing off
again, weren�t you?!

Naomi: *looks at her friends
for help*

Friends: *snort and call her
a baka*

baseline;vertical-align:baseline'>[i]
Ha! I can�t believe that you are reading this, but--- I actually fell asleep in
sound class once and dreamt about Heero and Duo placing XLR cables all around a
large ravine (which is near my house) while being chased by goats and a Bedouin
tribesman! Yeah, that was weird... but at least my fav bishis were there...
*sighs dreamly*
- 1
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Drowning In You