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Beat The World	By : shini0angel Category: Gundam Wing/AC > General Views: 264 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Beat The World
- 1
Standard Disclaimer: I make no money off this story. I am merely borrowing the characters that other lovely people have created to use in my story.

Try to use a better piece of your mind

Punch you inside out

And the whole world�s there to see you

Duo looked around and he could see
that everyone knew even if they didn�t say anything. Heero had told the others of
ni
nightmares. He could just tell by the
way they were now studying him but trying to pretend that nothing was out of
the ordinary. Nothing
out of the ordinary in how they now behaved around himhow how they now tried to
not bring up unpleasant things.

How stupid did they think he was?

Obviously pretty
stupid. Right now he hated
Heero. The bastard had had no right to
tell them anything. But still he had and
there wasn�t anything that Duo could do about it now. He went on about his normal routine in thorniorning and then he went back upstairs.
Heero was out which Duo didn�t find surprising. He�d been out a lot lately and told no one
where he had been going.

Duo tried to tell himself that he
didn�t care but that wasn�t true. He
cared a little too much. Perhaps that
was his problem. He just didn�t know
what to think any longer because things were getting way beyond any normal
level of contemplation. Hell, things
were just screwed up in general.

Does it make you want to think

About the tragic things in this life

If you want to, ti, time to deny

Duo flopped down on his bed and
began taking a trip down memory lane and coming across things that he would
rather forget. He could feel the
stinging of on coming tears at his eyes and he squeezed them shut
forcefully. He was not crying! He never cried any more.

There was nothing wrong. He refused to admit it but he just couldn�t
take it any longer.

His
depression was getting worse. He could
see that. He wasn�t sure how much longer
he could hold off. He would never go on
medication for fear that he would become dependent on it. Duo couldn�t afford to do that. He didn�t want anyone to know and if he was
taken by OZ and needed the medication it wasn�t like they were going to give
him any or let him keep what he had.

No, it
was simply better to suffer in silence no matter what he felt like now. Enough time would eventually pass and one day
he would be fine. Sister Helen had
always told him that time took care of everything including pain. This time Duo didn�t think she was
right. It still hurt to think about her,
Father Maxwell and Solo. They were the
people he had cared about and they were gone forever. He could never see them again.

Duo sat
up and pulled a chair over by the window.
He looked out into the rainy morning and stared at the raindrops as they
splattered against the glass. He began
counting them to take his mind off Death if only for a short time. After he had gotten lost somewhere past three
hundred he couldn�t take it any longer.

That it makes me want to die

For the menace that�s in this world

If you want to die well it�s over now

He
would have to be strong to pull out of this bout of depression. He would beat it; he had beaten everything
that had come his way including Death and all the OZies. Yes, this he would beat on his own.

There
was nothing he couldn�t lick, right? He
had always assured himself that was the case but he wasn�t so sure any
more. There were times when things were
just too dark and there was no lightness poking through to show him that there
was hope. Like now, there was no hope.

But had
there ever been hope? Or had he seen
something that wasn�t really there? A
trick of his mind that had shown him something that really didn�t exist. It was entirely possible; the others had
always told him that he had an overactive imagination. Perhaps he had been fighting for a cause that
wasn�t real and for a people that would never appreciate their sacrifices.

They
sure as hell didn�t appreciate them now.
He sighed a sigh that was far older than his
years. But then all the pilots had been
forced to grow up sooner than most. They
were fighting a war and killing people.
They were the reason why so many others lay dead among the stars and why
so many families were torn apart. They
hadn�t just killed soldiers too. Each
one of them had taken a fair number of civilian lives as well.

If you want to beat the world

It might reach up and pull you down

If you want to find the way the door is
locked, the key is rusted in

Living
on the streets of L2 had hardened him in a way that the others, Heero included,
could never be hardened. He was a sick
masochistic bastard. He had always known
that and he�d never seen fit to tell the others. It�s not like they ever noticed.

He took
off his priest�s top and looked at the old scars there on his stomach. They healed quickly as always. G had been pleased when he�d noted how young Maxwell
seemed to have that trait when Duo had broken a leg and it had only taken him
two weeks to heal. But what G didn�t
know and what the others didn�t know couldn�t hurt them could it?

/p>

It was
his policy. He never told anyone about
it and the only person who knew was dead and they would never be talking
again. Not to anyone who could do
anything about it.

He
picked up the old razor. It being the
oldest possession that he had aside from the cross Father Maxwell had given
him. The razor wasn�t his original one
though. It had been one Solo had given
him, the only other who had known his dirty little secret.

He
brought the razor up to an old scar and tore it open. The sharpness of pain made him take an intake
of breath suddenly but the pain made him feel better. It was a release and it was all his. The blood poured freely from the cut that
wasn�t deep, just deep enough. He let it
run before stopping it with his shirt.

So break away from all these chains that
bind you

Cut you at the wrist or does it make more
sense to go and make the scar yourself

Because you like to see it bleeding and you
like the color red

He
looked at the bright red blood on his torso.
It reminded him of all the pain he had seen when he had been growing
up. All the moaning and screaming that
went on in the alleyways that everyone learned to ignore and those that
couldn�t deal with it didn�t last too long.

The
dried blood on his shirt was rusted in color and it brought back memories of
all the times that he had previously cut himself. It was his own little private escape to let
out some of the hurt and pain and all the other emotions that he was
feeling. It was an escape that he
couldn�t get away from and one that he didn�t know how to do without. But that didn�t matter so long as it
continued to work for him and all these years it had never failed him
once.

Blood
was death and he was death. Therefore it
was perfectly fitting for him to engage in such little activities as this. Not to be unexpected either if anyone had
seen what he was like beneath his mask but no one living had. Blood was metallic and tangy on his tongue
and it spoke volumes of the life that he had spilled whenever he got into the
cockpit of Deathscythe, at least it seemed that he was always killing and he
was damn good at it too.

He
liked to think that he brought a whole new face to death and all the blood that
was now floating around in space. He was
Shinigami and Shinigami�s sacrifices could only be made in blood, red, red blood.

But you�ve seen the light

Through all the hate and all the lies

Of the menace that�s in this world

Duo
looked into the mirror at himself and he knew what was really wrong. He couldn�t deal with what he had seen, heard
and done any better than anyone else but his way of dealing with it, while
perhaps not normal, worked for him. He
was shrewd enough to see that and the ugly truth that was behind the pain that
he was enjoying so much now.

�Why Duo?� He heard Heero from somewhere off to the side.

�It
hurts,� Duo said his voice not its usual characteristic bounce or happiness
that was usually heard in the tone. �The
blood is my sacrifice and I�ll continue to make it until this war is over.�

�Duo,�
Heero said quietly. �You aren�t the only
one sacrificing.�

�I
know,� Duo shrugged and pulled on a clean shirt. �But it makes me feel better and that�s all
that really matters in the end. If you
tell anyone Yuy I swear you�ll regret it more than anything.�

�I
won�t,� Heero said softly.

What
he�d told Heero, it wasn�t the whole truth.
But then was anything true anymore?

The war
was going on around them and the bodies were piling up. Dead soldiers, civilians and even children
lay in the piles. But none of it
mattered any longer because there was a peace between two friends, an
understanding and they were dealing with their demons in their own ways,
confident that they would conquer all.
The bodies bled a deep, dark red and the count continued to rise.

If you want to die, well it�s over now

If you want to beat the world
- 1
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