Poor Paul

Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Title: Poor Paul (Unintentional sequel to Intermission)
Pairing: RoyxEd
Rating: R (sexual situations with and without fruit, language)
Timeline: None- AU
Summary: Roy and Ed have some grocery store fun. Paul just wanted to buy milk.
AN: A quick and funny ficlet featuring the return of your favorite prop-boy-turned-reluctant-voyeur.... Since reader feedback was unanimous in sympathy for Paul, I decided to subject him to some more RoyxEd hotness. Plus, I needed to do something light after all the angst and sadness of my last two fics. Enjoy!

NOTE: This one is actually the MILDEST of all of the Poor Paul fics... O_O


Poor Paul

First the opera and now this. It was getting to be a bit much.

At three in the morning, they were standing in the produce aisle of their local twenty-four hour supermarket. Roy meticulously inspected the selection of apples in front of him while Ed held a plastic carrier and fumed.

"I can think of a lot better things to do at this time of night," he said.

"Mm-hm," Roy replied absentmindedly, infuriating Ed even more.

He briefly considered threatening to withhold sex from Roy, but Ed knew better: he would say no and Roy would give him the look... the look that magically caused pants within a twenty foot radius of him to fall down. Oh well. He may as well make the most of it.

A stand of bright, yellow bananas caught his eye. Ed began to smile...

He walked over to the bunches, picked the nicest one he could find, and placed it into the basket. When he rejoined Roy, the man still had yet to pick out a damn apple! Ed was perplexed; for a man who had literally licked and sucked every inch of his body without question or fail, he was inexplicably peculiar about the look of a piece of fruit he would hardly spare a glance before eating.

Roy peeked at the bananas before continuing his quest for the holy grail of apples. "I didn't know you liked bananas," he said.

Ed seized the moment. He plucked a rather large banana with considerable... girth. He held onto it with his automail hand and, after a quick glance to make sure the coast was clear, began to stroke the length of it with his real one.

"Oh, I love bananas," he said softly, giving Roy a look of his own.

Roy paused and glanced out of the corner of his eyes at Ed's banana handling.

Watching Roy watching him, Ed was starting to get pretty damn turned on. Who knew giving a banana a hand job could be so hot?

Roy turned away from the apples and took a step closer to Ed. After a casual glance in both directions, he reached out and cupped Ed's crotch, gripping him firmly but gently and causing him to grow rock hard in record time.

Ed hissed in surprised pleasure and dropped the carrier. He grabbed Roy's wrist, unsure if he meant to pull his hand away or urge him on.

"Th- they... have... cameras..." Ed panted breathlessly.

Roy was giving him the look, and Ed had to fight the urge to beg the man to bend him over the produce. After a moment of careful consideration of his surroundings, Roy gave Ed's erection one last squeeze, causing him to whimper helplessly. He moved his hand away from Ed's very obvious need and wrapped his arm around the young man's waist. He leaned forward and locked himself onto Ed's neck, in the spot that always drove him wild.

Ed dropped the banana and clasped his hands around Roy's neck, pulling him in closer as the man sucked and nibbled him. He could feel Roy's erection pressing against his stomach, hard and urgent. He began to lose awareness of his very public surroundings.

"Fuck... oh yeah.... fuuuuuuck," Ed managed, a little more loudly than he realized. He blushed at his uncontrollably raunchy language.

The sound of a large thud, followed by a splash, broke the moment. Roy stepped away from Ed as they both looked in the direction of the noise. Ed was appropriately embarrassed while Roy looked mildly annoyed at the interruption.

A young, blushing man stood in a lake of milk. The busted remains of a milk carton sat on the floor beside him. His lips were moving wordlessly and Ed, while not a master lip reader, thought he could make out something... something that looked like...

Bat voice? No... couldn't be.

Cat voice? ... um... probably not.

Maybe... that voice?

The awkward moment might have spanned out forever, if not for the approaching sound of clacking heels. A young, high maintenance-looking woman rounded the corner. She stepped into the large puddle of milk and skidded with a shocked gasp, barely managing not to fall.

She looked down at the wasted milk and glared at the young man, who was still staring at Roy and Ed.

"Paul!"

Roy and Ed slowly turned to face each other. Even if they hadn't recognized her shrill voice, they could never forget that name.

Paul.

From the prop room.

Ed immediately turned varying shades of red. Roy began to smirk.

While the angry young woman began to lecture Paul on the irresponsibilities of spilling milk, Ed picked up the carrier and tugged lightly on Roy's arm.

"Come on," he said. "Let's get out of here."

Roy started to leave the aisle with Ed, but stopped and turned back around.

"Bye, Paul!" he called out loudly.

"Roy!" Ed exclaimed, turning even redder and storming off in embarrassment.

Roy gave Paul a wickedly slow and seductive wink.

Paul's eyes and mouth fell open in shock.

Roy smirked again and walked away.

The angry woman stopped griping long enough to stare at Roy's retreating back.

"Who were they?" she demanded.

Paul regained enough composure to answer her. "I met them... at the opera."

"Oh. Well, anyway, I give you the simple task of carrying a carton of milk to the checkout and you can't even do that.... Hey. Why is your nose bleeding?... Paul! ... Answer me!"

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Epilogue: Roy took Ed home and thoroughly fucked his brains out until dawn. In case you were wondering.

The End