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Fair Day	By : chroniclyflaming Category: Dragon Ball Z > Threesomes/Moresomes Views: 673 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 1-Fair Day
- 1
The prompt: You know you want it

YamchaxKrillinxTien
That is all.

The fill:

It had started off a basic training session. They’d had a million like it, training and preparing for just the Saiyans alone. Planning for the androids was the same.

They sparred as usual. Yamcha was the first down, swallowing sand and losing his shirt from the latest blast Krillin sent his way, followed by the shortest fighter who was blinded by Tien’s solar flare. The three-eyed man’s only concession for bragging was a grim smile while he help the other two up. They rubbed their eyes and told each other and themselves that no way would those androids have a chance.

Sweaty, they wiped their brow with their forearm and felt like men.

So they did what they thought other men did, and talked about romance.

“So, you seeing anyone lately,” Yamcha asked to the other two.

They gave him confused looks. “What a transition there, man.”

“Just asking. Bulma and me,” he shrugged. “You know. We haven’t been getting along so well.”

“Did you ever?”

“So,” Krillin raised an eyebrow, frowning. “You just wanted to know you’re not the only sad sap here?”

“Basically.”

Tien just shook his head.

“What? Hey. Come on. You guys can tell me this stuff. I’m not a gossip,” his voice dropped. “Like Bulma.”

“Nope, nothing on that front for me.”

Seriously as ever, the taller bald man had the same answer as before.

Yamcha stared at them thoughtfully. “Maybe there’s something to being bald and single?”

“Shut up.”

“Better single than with Bulma.”

Krillin laughed while Yamcha glared. Slowly, the scarred man eased up at the delight of the other two. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I shouldn’t see her anymore.”

“You sure?” The small fighter was staring at him. “You’ve been dating her forever.”

“Yeah. It’s cool. I,” he scuffed a boot into the sand. “We haven’t been getting along for awhile now.”

“Does this mean I can ask her out?”

Now Yamcha was laughing. “Okay, sure. Sure.”

“Okay,” Krillin slung his arm around his friend. “Let’s have some beer and talk about me and your ex.”

~~

After enough alcohol, they summoned up enough courage to call Bulma.

“Oh you guys, it’s so late. She’ll kill me.”

“You need to tell her how you feel. Now.”

“It’s just cruel if you drag it out.

“Fine.” He set down his beer bottle after a few tries. Krillin immediately put a napkin under it.

“Does her number have a nine in it? Or a five?”

“Both.”

“Well, that doesn’t help me at all.” Finally, after a few tries, he managed to ring her private line.

“Yamcha? What the hell are you calling for? God, do you have any idea what time it is, you jackass?!”

“Yeah I DO! It’s time. It’s time for me to be a free man! I’m a freebird, Bulma. You cannot cage me.”

“What are you talking about?”

“'Cause, baby, there's too many places I've got to see. But, if I stayed here with you, girl. Uh. Things just couldn't be the same.”

“What?”

“Say she’s fat.”

“And you’re fat!”

“And mean!”

“Horrible!”

“Say she has terrible taste in men--”

“I CAN HEAR YOU, KRILLIN!”

“Hang up!”

“Don’t you dare, Yamcha. I swear, if you HANG UP I WILL FIND AND MURDER YOU! I WILL CUT YOU SO BADLY IT’LL MAKE YOUR SCARS LOOK LIKE NOTHING--”

“Woo,” Yamcha wiped his brow, the other setting down the telephone. “That was close.”

“She’ll never know it was us.”

“Yeah. And now I’m single.”

“Awesome. I can be your wing man at parties.”

“Oh yeah,” There was a high five exchanged. “Back on the single trail. Spending nights in strange women’s beds, waking up with hangovers and not knowing the girl’s names, the doing that all over again.”

“Well, I know what hangovers are like.”

Yamcha patted his shoulders. “We’ll meet someone for you.”

“But before the androids come?”

“We’ll beat them, Krillin, don’t worry.” Tien made sure to sound confident.

“What if we don’t? I…you guys, I don’t want to die without…you know.”

“What? Oh. Wait. Didn’t you and Maron…?”

“We did…things. Okay? Just not that. Fully.”

“Well…we’ll meet a girl for you, okay.”

A tiny creep of desperation entered the three-eyed man’s voice. “There’s always Launch, you know.”

“Oh yeah. Her. How is she?”

“Fine. She caught Chaotzu and me at a bus stop for a while. She started screaming and making a scene. Had to fly away.”

“So you and her never…?”

“Yeah, man, how come you never hit that?”

Tien was turning red once he realized what they were taking about. “She…you know. Scared me.”

“That’s why?”

“That’s all?”

“What?”

They waved a dismissive hand. “Bulma tried taking my face off with a cleaver before. Literally. At Christmas dinner.”

“All girls scare me. That doesn’t mean I don’t like them.”

“You can’t be serious.”

But they nodded back in return. “Hit and quit it.”

“Oh please. Like either of you did that.”

“I broke up with her,” both Yamcha and Krillin said, together.

“I’m sure.”

“It’s hard for me.” Krillin rubbed his head. “I’m short, bald, live with an old pervert and a couple of talking animals. Am lacking in a nose. Do I have to go on? Girls aren’t really into me.”

Awkwardly, Tien patted his back since he had no clue of what else to do.

“You’ll meet someone.”

“Before I die? I don’t want to die a, you know, guy with no girlfriend or experience with women.”

Alcohol forced the taller man’s mouth open. “I’m not all that experienced either.”

“So I really am the player in the room now?”

“I just don’t. I mean, I think I get girls. I can be friends with girls. But they just don’t like me.”

“I’m not sure how much I like women. They’re frightening. I see Chi-Chi, and Bulma, and I just don’t understand.”

“What I really want is someone I can have a conversation with. One that can be flirty, but smart and serious too. But I don’t want her to be crazy.

“Someone I can cuddle with, and that will accept me and all my issues. And the fighting.”

“Well, you can always try batting for the other team. Ha-ha.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I know a gay bar a girl dragged me to once. Ha. It was actually kinda nice. Really good bathrooms. Not that I’m implying anything by that. Better music and drinks too.”

“No. I. I don’t know. I don’t think guys would like me any more than girls. I just repel people.”

“That’s not true. You’re plenty cute.” Yamcha rubbed his head.

“Thanks. I guess. Do you think other people feel that way?”

“Maron did.”

“That’s true.”

“But…” Tien sounded reluctant to open this can of worms that would explode in everyone face and blind them. “Are you open to that gay bar idea?”

“I don’t know.” Krillin stared at his boots. “I don’t have anything against gay guys. I can appreciate someone good-looking. Maybe I just haven’t found the right person.”

“So, you and Goku…”

“What?”

“Well, you two always seemed close.”

“He turned Super Saiyan ‘cause you died.”

“We’re friends. My god. Is that what you guys have thought all these years? Is this what everyone thought? Is this why I’m single? Because people already thought I’m taken?”

Yamcha had a sip of beer. “Maybe,” he offered.

“Well, still, someone should have tried something. Regardless. Maybe tried to bring Goku into it. Both of us. What am I saying? I’m drunk.”

“Yeah. You are.”

“…Tell me more about you and Goku.”

“Geez, Yamcha.”

“Hey, hang on. I’m just curious.”

“Curious?”

“Yeah. How would that even work?”

“Uh. I’m sure we would have figured it out.”

“But. Wouldn’t that be uncomfortable?”

“I don’t know.” Krillin stared down at his drink, unable to not continue. “Goku’s a pretty determined guy.”

Tien choked on his beer.

“Wouldn’t it hurt? I’ve seen Goku naked before.”

“I guess people found a way. I don’t know. I don’t watch that stuff.” But there was something left hanging in his words, a piece hidden.

“What stuff?”

“Like. That type of stuff. Those videos.”

“Oh. Do you have any of them just hanging around? Like. Well. There’s videos of every type here.”

The shortest fighter was squirming on the couch. “I think there might be one or two. Around. Floating around.”

“Uh, dude, if that’s what you might be into, shouldn’t you watch it? To see? And to know what you’re getting into?”

“You think?” The ex-monk glanced down. “Maybe.”

He started digging through the videos and magazines scattered about, pulling cassettes out behind the shelves and under the couch. Tien stared at him, then looked at Yamcha. “What are you doing?”

“Helping our friend.” He looked so determined when he said that there were no clear words to express why that was wrong.

“Fine.”

“Here’s one.” Krillin nearly threw the tape into the VCR. “I remember this. Bulma bought it as a joke to mess with me when I said this one actor guy was good-looking.”

“Who was it?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Oh, come on.”

“That guy. From that movie with the secret agents and the multiple universes? The trench coats.”

“Him? Eh. I can see it.” Yamcha nodded.

Krillin pointed at him with the remote. “See? It’s not weird. He’s very good-looking,”

“Shitty actor though.”

“Well yeah.” He was fast forwarding through the commercials and opening credits. “He’s just eye candy.”

“Okay, here we are.” The ex-bandit leaned back. “Oh well, clearly he should have shined those boots better.”

Krillin sipped from his can. “Yeah he totally deserves this.”

“Kind of a cruel punishment though.”

“Master Roshi put us through worse.”

“Ugh.”

“Okay. Not that bad.”

The sound seemed to fill the house. Or at least the living room. It started off with just bad background music and yelling of a commanding officer with improperly shined shoes. Then the porn music that was so unmistakably porny filled the air, and a zipper being undone.

“Why did Bulma buy you this video?” Tien was forced to ask.

“Something about us being Goku’s soldiers I guess.”

“How can he just shove that all the way in?”

“Practice?”

“Still. No choking. Surprising.”

“Pro at it.”

“I bet. You know, I always heard guys were better at giving head than girls.”

“What? Where?”

“Around.” Yamcha rubbed the back of his head. “Since they know they’re way around a penis better.”

“Sure, that’s true with me. I definitely know my own penis pretty well.”

“Better than the girls do, anyway.”

Krillin glared at the baseball player. “Whatever. Prick.”

“You think you guys could do all that?”

The other two men looked at the screen. “Nope.”

“No way, he’s very good at that.”

“What are you two good at, anyway?”

“I make a good casserole,” Tien offered.

Krillin added in, “I’m learning to play the guitar.”

“Well, that won’t get anyone off. So it’s worthless.”

“I could probably get someone off. Not like that though,” Krillin said, somewhat glumly while watching a head bob on the TV screen.

“With what then?”

The short man was turning red. “I don’t know. You know. Through other means.”

“Like your hand, hmmm?”

Krillin blushed and fidgeted, shifting his hands like he didn’t know what to do with them. “Yeah. Sure.”

There was this terrible pause. Thoughts passed through their head, ones that had maybe flittered through previous, but never before been so examined. They looked at each other, guilty and uneasy, even as they realized with a punch to the stomach what could happen.

“So. No one here is seeing anything.”

“Nope.”

The movie was getting more and more involved. Now the sergeant was just pissed about the boots, but the lackluster sucking skills. Another private had to be dragged in to show him how it was done. And now there were three. The men watching shifted in their seats.

“None of you can do anything like that?”

“I’ve never tried.” Tien was trying to be diplomatic.

“Well, I’m if you did, I’m sure you’d be very good at it.” So was Krillin.

“Better than that one soldier, anyway.”

“Yeah. He sucked.”

Yamcha laughed, forced out despite himself. “That was terrible man.”

There were deep inhales, and glances at the television set. Was it worse to stew in this, or just come out and say something? Just anything, whether it was a remark about how late it was getting and how he needed to get to bed, or how curious they were about how those men on the screen could so easily swallow so much.

Yamcha again had the worst transitional phrase ready. “Speaking of sucking…”

The other two fighters jumped. “What? What?”

“It’s just. We’re very drunk.”

Tien leaned forward. “Right.”

“And when you’re drunk, you’re supposed to do something stupid.”

Krillin was nodding. “Regrettable.”

“Something stupid—“

“That you’d otherwise never even think about.”

“Exactly. That’s the point.”

“What’s your point?”

“That, well, if something happened at some point when I was drunk,” he tipped his can in the direction of the TV. “Similar to that. It wouldn’t be anyone’s fault.”

“I don’t believe anyone is offering that, Yamcha.”

“I’m not saying that.” He nearly spilled beer while he waved his drink around defensively.

“But. These things happen.”

“They do? Really?”

“Are you claiming,” A firm black eyebrow was raised. “That if we are drunk enough, that this will happen?” Tien motioned with a large hand to the screen. On it, another major was yelling at the other men before relishing in the punishment the lesser officer was doling out. It didn’t seem likely to happen to either of them.

Krillin was staring at the TV, eyes narrowed a little as though he were looking into the sun. “I’m not going to be like that twink private right there. Being forced to blow everyone.”

There was a dirty titter from the baseball player. “But who’ll do that, then? Tien and I are both too tall.”

“Obviously,” Krillin huffed as though explaining that two plus two definitely did not equal six. Yamcha was torn between a smirk and smile. Tien just watched them batting forth remarks. “I would stand or sit on something.”

“It just makes more sense if you were the bottom.”

“Why? Because I’m short--?”

“And the skinniest.”

“Personally, I think you should be the one to do it. You have the hair.”

“Ff, what does that have to do with anything?”

“What’ll we grab then? Tien and I don’t have any hair.”

He giggled again. “You know what you could grab.”

Krillin was turning red again, despite his obvious struggle not to. “But. But.”

“It just makes more sense. Strategically.”

“Besides,” Tien said, joining Yamcha’s argument. “You have a bigger mouth.”

And the mouth, admittedly more generous than the others, twisted in dismay. “Fine. Fine. I’m the pathetic private. But I warn you, I’m just as bad as he is.”

“You don’t know that.”

Ominously, taller fighter put his hand on the top of Krillin’s head, to pat it.

“We could just yell at you until you get better. Like in the movie.”

“Yelling only makes me more nervous. Ask Vegeta.”

At their stares, he explained. “I don’t mean that way. Just in general.”

“Yeah man,” Yamcha was laughing nervously. “Please don’t act like Vegeta even has genitals. I prefer to think of him like a Barbie doll.”

“Although, you can see that he isn’t through that leotard outfit.”

“Ugh. You think he even knows we can see his junk through that stuff.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to know.”

“Let’s not talk about him. He’s just ruining the mood.”

“What mood? What mood?”

So nervous his hands were noticeable shaking, Krillin leaned forward so far he nearly fell off the couch. “Look, damnit, if you two are going to do something and drag me into this, then just do it.”

“Do what?”

He was trembling with rage or excitement or both. “You know what?”

“No. Say it.”

The smallest man seemed to wither under their stares. “I don’t know.”

“What they’re doing?” The three-eyed man offered.

“Yes. Sure.” Krillin nodded, the glanced at the television set. “Okay. Not that far, maybe. But what they were doing before.”

“I, I don’t know.” Now Tien was embarrassed. “I’ve never done anything like that. I’m not sure if I want to.”

“Well, we could do some stuff.”

“Like what?”

“Rewind the tape.”

Krillin diligently pressed the rewind button, and they watched pull out and in and out again, men standing up and walking backwards. “Here? Here?”

“Alright.” As determined as he’d ever been during a fight, Yamcha rubbed his hands together and frowned seriously.

“What now? Someone just…drop their pants?”

“What comes before that?”

“Man, you really are inexperienced.”

The scarred man was impatiently glaring at the other two. “So, we should get naked then? Right? Are we all on this?”

Politely, Krillin raised his hand. “I’d like to preemptively agree to never discuss this again.”

“Sure. Now take off your pants.”

And so they all undressed, trying to pretend this was all normal. Yeah, they were undressing but to go swimming. Or as a training exercise. They clung to that, wordlessly. Just another new training move.

Krillin was all molted pink and white, like the nice marble counters at one of Bulma’s guest counters. Tien was sallow, pale, without any mark of distinguishing color besides his scars. Yamcha, easily the tannest and had more short dark hair covering his body. All were well-muscled and marked from the battles fought over the years. It didn’t seem so bad to be doing this with them. They had fought and died together, hadn’t they? Could this be more intimate than that?

“So.” Nervously, Yamcha yanked at himself. “Who’s going to be the bottom?”

“Not me. Really you guys. Not me.”

“Oh come on. Just close your eyes and think of Goku.”

The ex-bandit laughed at Tien’s remark, while Krillin only crossed his arms.

“No way. Besides, Goku…I don’t think that would even fit. My mouth isn’t that big.”

“You said Goku was determined.”

“Yeah. But maybe I didn’t mean this way. Maybe I’m on top in our hypothetical gay love affair.”

“Ffff, please.”

“Yeah, man, you’re a total bottom.”

“I am not. And I’ll prove it.”

Yamcha was rubbing his forehead, amused. “You will.”

“Yes. Now come here.”

“And what?”

“Look,” Tien held his arms up, trying for patience and wisdom. “We’ll all take turns.”

“You blow me, then I blow you.”

The taller bald man flushed. “Yes. Fine. Like that.”

“Okay then. It’s decided.” Krillin clapped his hands. “Should I get some chap stick? Or lotion?”

“You have lotion.”

A flat look was given to Tien by the ex-monk. “Really? You’re really asking if the House of Porn here is lacking in lubricants.”

The taller men made faces. “I’d prefer you talk about Vegeta than this. Vegeta. And Bulma going at Yamcha with a knife.”

“Hey.” Yamcha was giggling again. He held up his beer bottle, a trifle unsteadily. “Let’s just dedicate this drunken threesome to her.”

They laughed together. “It’s true. If she and you hadn’t broken up, would this be happening?”

“Exactly. If not for her, I wouldn’t be about to blow one of you.”

“Bless her.”

“I don’t even care, honestly. She can go blow Vegeta for all I care.”

Tien had to laugh, and raise his bottle to imitate Yamcha. “May you two break up a thousand more time.”

Krillin finally joined the other two in their toast. “May she blow Vegeta a hundred times.”

“Right. Now both of you get over here,” Yamcha patted his lap. “Krillin, if you would be a gentleman and suck me off, I’ll do the same to Tien while jerking you off.”

“Should I just come on you then? Or the couch? Because that will be hard to explain.”

“We’ll worry about that later. Just get to sucking.”

“Jeez, who put you in charge.”

“Mm.”

“Too busy? God your hands are cold.”

“Warm them up then.”

“--Juunanagou, what are you doing?”

He jumped, nearly scattering the receipts and papers he’d been scribbling on the dashboard. Looking behind him, panicked, he could feel his heart racing for the first time since his sister had insisted that he join her on her trip to the mall. That massacre of shop clerks and his dignity and rotator cuffs carrying her bags could hardly be called a simple shopping trip, no matter what she’d claimed.

His voice however came out as even as it always did. “Nothing.”

“Uh-huh.” She stretched out the word, eyes as undoubtedly synthetically blue as his own narrowing. A huge stuffed moose hung from underneath one arm.

He had thought she and Juurokugou would be gone for a few hours. They were supposed to be at a nearby fair, another distraction from their mission that Juuhachigou had actually been convinced of. It had pained him not to go for the rides at least, (and the carnival food, and the games) but Juunanagou hadn’t been disinclined for a chance to be alone.

The paper crackled under his fingers as he hurriedly gathered them up. “Yes. Nothing.”

Before he could grab them all, she was holding up a crumbled piece of paper and reading it. A grease stain showed clearly when she lifted it up and forced it into the light. Retrieving it hadn’t been hard, as the scrap of paper had drifted over to her shoes. Slowly, confused, she read off: “’Then the porn music that was so unmistakably porny filled the air, and a zipper being undone.’

“What? ‘Porny’ is not a word.”

She kept reading, but was too shocked to continue reading aloud. "Are you writing about those morons? The shrimp and his friends?"

Her questions were becoming more and more rhetorical.

“Are they? No. Are they?”

“He and that idiot Saiyan so screwed. And he's so a bottom. But that doesn’t explain any of this. Oh god. This is."

“What is this?”

He had no memory of his time Before, but the sinking feeling in his stomach was one he couldn’t remember experiencing before. For the first time in perhaps years, perhaps ever, he felt embarrassed. Climbing warmth was rising from his neck to touch his cheeks.

“…what is wrong with you?”

“Wait. Don’t destroy them. I was going to write an ending where Bulma come in with a machete and kills everyone!”

She paused from ripping the paper to shred. “A machete?”

“Yeah.”

“Shouldn’t she use a less esoteric instrument? A plain butcher knife for instance?”

“I guess I did have some foreshadowing with a cleaver,” Juunanagou admitted.

“Then put that in. It makes more sense.”

“When should she come in? After they’re finished? Or in the middle?”

“Middle.” There was not a shred of doubt in Juuhachigou’s voice. “Then it’s more humiliating.”

“So how far should I go? Just oral, or a circle jerk?”

“I don’t know,” she brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, sitting down beside him on the passenger’s seat. “Go with what seems natural. And what was that you said about the shrimp? You should really go more into detail about that. Really describe what good shape they’re all in, especially him.”

“Stuff like girth? Size?”

“Right.”

“And what about how little I described their setting? Is that okay?”

“Sure it is. We don’t care about the setting. We care about the naked men, not the color of the couch or the picturesque shadows that hit the wall and symbolize lost innocence, or some crap like that.”

“But, you’re saying, I need to describe their bodies more?”

“Exactly. Here, hand me a pen.”

“Hey, you think we should make an appearance in the story?”

“How?”

“We can be…delivering pizzas! Using this van!”

“So we just show up out of nowhere, with a couple of pizzas and some stupid hats? And they open the door, while naked and screwing?”

“Maybe before the actual screwing?”

“…I don’t know, Juunanagou. I think that might be too much. Too meta. It would go right over the reader’s heads.”

“Damn. Alright then, now, is Tien going to screw Yamcha while he does Krillin? Or should they be about to screw when Bulma walks in to kill them with a machete?”

"Let's start with the foreplay and description of the characters first. then we can move onto the murder scene."

"The climax."

"If you will."

"You think we can ever get this thing published? It would be funny to imagine their faces reading this, huh?"

"Sure. But I'm pretty sure you and I will be the only ones reading this, Juunanagou."

"Fair enough. I bet no one else would even understand how awesome it is."

"We're unsung heroes," she agreed, tracing a word on the paper with her finger. "Now, what was this about the size of the shrimp's mouth?"
- 1
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Fair Day