Furry Madness

Part 10


There was a doorbell ring, and they heard Hughes shout he had it. The felines looked at each other, unsure if they were supposed to be content or disappointed.

“There must be some good news,” said Al. “Let’s go see.”

“Forget the door,” said Ed roughly. “I smell a prey.”

“I smell it too,” announced Roy. “It’s not Fury.” He didn’t sound upset at the young officer anymore.

“Not hamsters. Not a fox or a raccoon either.”

“Or a bird. I think we can hunt it,” said Al, getting exited. Hunting things was fun!

“Let’s.”

Roy led the hunt. They crawled through the kitchen, to the living room, and back to the entrance. Their paws were quiet, only their knees made a faint sound as they brushed over the smooth wooden floor. Crouching low like ambushed lions, they consulted each other with their eyes. Hughes was talking to somebody on the other side, and their noses told them the prey was just beside them. It was a…familiar scent to Roy, but he couldn’t recall where he’d smelled it or what it was.

“Ready?” mouthed Mustang. He tapped his claws on the ground trice, and they dashed. Turning around the corner, they all jumped at what smelled prey-like, and sunk their teeth in flesh. Or tried too. Roy and Edward were half strangled by the hands that caught them by the throat. Only Alphonse found flesh to bite, and he wasn’t long to realize he was gnawing at the shoulder of a very tall and large person in a familiar uniform.

Armstrong had already released the dazzled Roy and Ed, apologizing. “I am deeply sorry, it was a reflex. Are you all right? Colonel Mustang? Edward Elric?”

“Major!” mewed Al, jumping down. “I’m sorry!’

“It’s all right Alphonse Elric. It’s nothing.”

But Al was still mortified to see a little blood maculate the shoulder of the blue uniform.

When Roy could think again, he said, “Major, what happened to you?” It wasn’t for nothing they’d jumped on the man. They had smelled a prey all right, a bunny. Armstrong had a pair of very long, fluffy white ears on his head. Maybe he also had a fluffy little tail. Roy didn’t fell like checking.

“I was helping out the Darkness Alchemist,” explained the man. “I was her experimentation subject. So far, we were able to remove the whiskers and the fur.” Edward chocked picturing Major Armstrong with white fur and whiskers on top of his current ears. “Unfortunately that is all we could do. I am here to show Edward and Alphonse Elric the array we used and see if they can find the problem. I was no able to tell why it only partly undid the transmutation.”

In the background, Hughes elbowed Roy. “You know, I’m a fox. Rabbits are my primary source of food. But you don’t see me gnawing on him, do you?”

Roy wouldn’t answer.

“Oh sure, we’ll look at it,” said Al, a little weakly. From the ground, Armstrong looked a lot more like a predator than a prey, even with the ears.

“Come on, Al, let’s go study this in the next room,” said Ed, retreating after snagging the papers from Hughes.

“Uh, I’ll help,” added Roy. “Hughes, offer the major something to eat. Thank you.”

Maes was a good stimulator, but he did not bother to hide his amusement or his grin as the three cats turned tails and ran away. “Well, Major, are you hungry for anything?”

“I have a craving for salad these days,” admitted the large man.

-

Hawkeye eventually grew sick of sitting on the roof singing with the birds. She walked in the kitchen and caught something to eat before heading for a quiet room, just missing Armstrong and Hughes.

The bird lady was plucking idly at her raisins and cereals when she stepped in a room where she found Fury sitting on the ground before a tall mirror. He was chatting actively, apparently talking to the furniture.

“So that didn’t go very well either. Havoc should have known. I tried to tell him but he never listens.”

“Fury, what are you doing?”

The young man looked at her only a second, the time to make sure she wasn’t a cat here to eat him. “Talking to my friend.”

Hawkeye was quiet a long moment. “Fury, that’s a mirror.”

“That’s my friend.”

“You’re talking to your reflection.”

“Yes, yes.” He wasn’t paying attention to her words, obviously. His friend was much more important. “So, you see, I didn’t know what to do. If I told Hawkeye about it, Havoc would have strangled me. If I didn’t tell her and she found out, she’d maimed me.”

“What,” demanded Hawkeye, suddenly interested, “Was it Havoc did?”

“He changed Hawkeye’s uniforms for smaller ones. It made her think she gained weight. She spent a lot more time training after that, so she was too tired to work us out as hard as usual. I changed them back after a few days though, I didn’t want her to get sick. I didn’t tell Havoc I did that either. I can never tell anybody anything around here if I don’t want to be killed. They could be a little nicer.” He smiled at the mirror. “You think so too?”

Hawkeye silently took her gun out of its holster, raised it and shot at the mirror. It shattered, and Fury squealed and ran for cover, back into his nest in the closet.

“Fury, come out of there,” ordered the woman.

“No! You’re scary!”

Hawkeye frowned. She knew she scared the crew – and the Colonel too – but nobody has ever told her that in a tiny quivering voice while hiding from her in a closet. It was unsettling.

“I’m sorry. You were obviously out of it. I just wanted to neutralize the problem.”

Fury didn’t answer, but she thought she heard a muffle moan of pain. She stepped closer. “Fury? Is there a problem?”

“No! I’m fine!”

Well, that said enough. She yanked the closet open and eyed the young officer. He was half hidden under a pile of coats, looking more like a mouse than ever. Before he squeaked and hid his face, she had time to realize he had been cut by a few shards of the mirror. Maybe she should have thought twice about shooting it. She knelt awkwardly, wings getting in her way.

“I’m sorry. Come out here, I’ll take these out.”

“I’m fine!”

Sighing, the woman began to pull away the coats until the mouse had nowhere to hide. She firmed caught his arm and hauled him to his knees to examine his face. Two little red cuts, a bigger one bleeding over his lips and one piece of glass stuck in his cheek. She removed it with her other hand, gently.

“I’m truly sorry about that. Are there any more?” Fury nervously titled his chin up so she could take care of the one in his neck. Aside from that, he only had minor cuts on his hands. His uniform had protected him. Hawkeye sighed and stood, pulling him up with her. “We need to disinfect those. Come with me.”

They went to the bathroom and Fury was very still, apart from his whiskers that wouldn’t stop moving nervously, while she dabbed something that stung a little on his cuts. Hawkeye added a few band aids for his hands then pat his head, once.

As Hawkeye and Fury came around the living room, they attracted the attention of the three feline alchemists who were actively discussing something. The alchemists went quiet, looking at the marks on Fury and his obvious fright.

“First Lieutenant Hawkeye,” started Mustang, uncertain. “Is it too much to ask that you do not abuse the staff?”

“It was an accident, sir.”

“Yes, of course…” He cleared his throat. “We have good news. We think we can have this working by tonight.”

“Thank god,” gasped a newcomer. It was Havoc, looking very beaten and with nobody else than Alicia herself clinging onto his tail. “I. Can’t. Take. It.” He banged his head against the wall a few times. “Where’s her father?”

“Kitchen,” pointed Roy.

Havoc headed there, dragging himself slowly. His death scream had everybody scramble to go see what was the problem. Havoc had stumbled back just short of the kitchen door, clutching his eyes.

“Eyes! My eeeeeyyyyeeesssss!”

Edward snorted at him. “I know Major Armstrong looks strange, but it’s not that bad.”

Roy, too curious for his own good, looked inside. He was graced with the view of one Major Armstrong with large bunny ears, and a bunny tail emerging from a hole in his uniform, munching on carrots. Apparently the carrots made him very, very happy, because he was sparkling so much it short-circuited your brain faster than looking directly at the sun.

“ARG!” Cursing, Mustang retreated. “Nobody looks in there, it’s dangerous for your sight,” he said on a pained tone.

The only one who was immune to the deadly sparkles was of course Alicia. She was already babbling with delight to Armstrong, pleading for him to bend and let her touch his ears.

“Interesting, isn’t it?” They jumped at the sound Hughes’ voice. “You should have seen him with the banana, it was even worst. Good thing there was only one. I didn’t know rabbits loved bananas, but now I know they do.”

“Where did you find sunglasses, Hughes?” inquired Roy on a tone that said ‘because I want a pair too’.

“It’s a secret.” He grinned. “Now, now, since my beloved daughter isn’t available to show you her cuteness, I’ll comfort you all with a few pictures.”

“NO!” And Havoc ran away, leaving everybody to blink at his back.

Showing a little bit of mercy, Maes nodded, “I suppose he had his fill of cuteness already.” He started to brandish pictures. “Now, here’s Alicia-“

“Hughes! We have important business to take care of! We need to speak to the major.”

Hughes raised an eyebrow and pointed to the kitchen. “Sure, Mustang, go ahead and speak to him if you want. I’ll stay here until he’s done with the carrots.”

Roy wasn’t sure what was worst: Armstrong and his sparkles, or Hughes and his pictures. It was a lose-lose situation, really. He could foresee a day full of pain. He snarled at Edward and Alphonse, who had gotten down on the floor to try and crawl away unnoticed. “You two aren’t going anywhere.”

“We have things to do that say,” said Edward. “Things!”

“Very important things,” helpfully added Alphonse.

Roy flattened his ears at them. “No luck, kittens.”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING A PAIR OF DEFENSELESS KITTENS?”

Roy sneered in answer. “Oh please, Edward. I never said you were defenseless. I still have claws and teeth marks from last night. I can remind you just where these marks are if you’d like.”

Edward backed up a little, blushing furiously. “Er, forget it.”

“Now, if you two are done,” calmly spoke Hughes, just before he turned into gooey daddy. “Look! Alicia got a new hat! Isn’t it wonderful? It matches her skin tone! And it protects her from the sun!”

The felines’ limp ears said enough on their feelings.