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I wish I were you	By : Lisachan Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 3190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise and Bandai, no profit is made from this :)

Chapter List
- 9
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10. A night out, part 3: Confession

Quatre looked
with childlike wonderment at the silver glitter whirling through the air. This
time, he was not alone on the dance floor. And of course, his interest in the
glitter wasn�t real. It was only an excuse so he wouldn�t have to look at Trowa. Trowa who was yet again expressing his love for dirty dancing a bit too
eagerly. In earnest, this time.

Quatre growled
inwardly. At one point, he wanted to raise his hands up to the heavens and cry
out �Is it so much to ask? Is it so fucking hard?!�. All he wanted was to have his old Trowa
back, the one who listened to him whenever he wanted to talk, not questioned
him about things he didn�t want to talk about. The Trowa who was gentle, not obtrusive, who didn�t have dirty
dreams about him, who didn�t want to dance with him in such a way.

Hence Quatre�s reluctance to dance with him now. It
had been fun before, when Trowa had that drunk, goofy
grin on his face. Now that he had a drunk, lustful
grin on his face, it felt rather creepy to Quatre. He didn�t have many other
options instead of putting up with it for the moment, though. Everyone was
doing it. Maybe the enthusiasm of the other dancers had rubbed off on Trowa.

He shrugged and
sighed, letting his eyes drift over the dancing sea of people, multicoloured by
the spotlights. Not ten feet away from them, he saw the praised couple, Duo and
Heero. Duo was dancing with his back pressed against Heero�s
chest; it almost looked like Heero had found some ingenious way to access Duo�s
ass through his pants, the way their hips were moving like that.

Nobody cared.

Heero kissed Duo wetly,
and probably, noisily in his neck.

Nobody cared.

Heero�s hands
dragged up Duo�s shirt.

Nobody cared.

Heero�s hand �
Quatre had to blink at this one � Heero�s hand went
down Duo�s pants!

Still nobody
cared.

Quatre cared! He
could practically hear Duo moaning, panting in delight. He could see his face
melting into pleasure as Heero continued to manipulate his swelling groin,
turning his head for passionate kisses, like a thirsty kitten looking for its
mother�s swollen nipple.

Can someone please do something?!
he wanted to shriek.

�What�s wrong,
little one?� Trowa said.

Quatre gave a
surprised little yell, embarrassed that he had been caught staring,
and focused back on Trowa. �Nuu-nothing,�
he blurted.

Trowa
turned his head, and quickly found the source of Quatre�s
fascination. He grinned and dismissively shook his head. He didn�t want to get
into that right now.

�Hey, can we
talk?� he said.

�Sure,� Quatre
nodded. He followed Trowa outside. They didn�t go
far. Just around the corner.

�Sooo�� Quatre began, not really sure what Trowa wanted to talk to him about. His arms flapped
uselessly at his side, and he stared ahead in the ally. Were they gonna get all
intimate and personal now?

"Quatre, you
gotta tell me your secret,"
he heard Trowa saying next to him.

Quatre's head
snapped up. "Secret?" He had forgotten to
act casual about it, and now the panic probably lay a bit too thick on his
face. There was no way Trowa could know about Duo.

Was there?

Trowa
pretended not to notice. "Yeah. How you can smell
so great."

Quatre raised an
eyebrow in mock indignation. "Who said you could smell me?"

"Should I
plug my nose, because the great Quatre doesn't want me to smell him?"

"No, I'm
just kidding,� Quatre grinned. �I use baby lotion."

"Baby
lotion, really?"

"Yeah. To wash myself with. Keeps my skin
soft."

"Oh,
really?" Trowa had to swallow for a
moment. He could readily imagine the peach-like texture of Quatre�s
skin. "So uhm� Do you have... any other secrets
you want to share?"

"No. No
secrets," Quatre said quickly. But of course he had secrets! And
questions! They were all boiling and bubbling in his head, and in his chest. �You?�

Trowa
pursed his lips. �I�m not really sure� how I should tell you. Although� there
is something I�d really like to tell you.�

Quatre waited
while Trowa struggled with his words. �What?� he
said. And then he thought of Duo's words again. That someday his prince would
come, that maybe he already had come. That maybe it was Trowa.
The way he'd said it had made it all sound so final. What if he didn't want
that? It all added up just a bit too perfectly. Heero had Duo, Wufei had Zechs, and he was left
with Trowa, and Trowa was
left with him. What if Heero would be with Zechs, and Wufei would be with Trowa, and he
would be - gloriously, blissfully - with Duo? The number would still be right.
The order would just be different.

Quatre blinked as
he slowly refocused on Trowa. He was babbling
something about how fun their holiday had been so far, and how they had so much
opportunity to bond now, and how they should find out more stuff about each
other.

�Actually�� He
took Trowa�s hands in his to get his attention.
�There is something I have to say.� He couldn�t do this. He feared there was a
declaration of love on the way, or something like that, at least. He could tell
by the way Trowa was smiling at him. At the way he
was so nervous right now. Trowa wasn't usually like
that. He was always composed, cool, in control of himself. Now he was
everything except that.

He had to nip it
in the bud. It would crush Trowa, probably. But it
was better to crush him now, then to crush him when he was in too deep.

�The way you were
dancing to me just now��

�Yeah?� Trowa said, hopefully, and Quatre could feel his heart
shrink.

�I didn�t like
it.� He didn�t see the disappointment that flashed through Trowa�s
eyes. He had looked down, just because
he didn�t want to see it. But he could still hear the pain in his voice when he
spoke next.

�You didn�t?�

�I� don�t think I
gave you the impression that I liked it.�

�You didn�t
rebuke it.�

�You know, Trowa�� Quatre sighed. �It�s a common thing in there. Thought
it would be pretty childish to make a fuss about it. So, I just let you.�

�But you didn�t
like it?� There was a crack in Trowa�s voice, and he
coughed to cover it up.

�That�s what I
said.�

�Yes, that�s what
you said,� Trowa mumbled. He heaved a shaky sigh and
slumped against the wall. He knew from himself that he was pretty lousy when it
came to words. Instead, he tried to show his emotions through gestures.
Unfortunately it was always the wrong ones, so it seemed. �God, I feel so
ridiculous.�

Quatre went to
stand next to Trowa against the wall, and made their
shoulders touch. �I�m sorry,� he said softly. Trowa was crushed. And he had caused it.

Did it make him
feel any better now? Of course not. Would it have made
him feel better if Trowa had spoken his words of love, if he had given in? Did he have to
start a relationship with him based on lies? What if he wanted sex?!

Quatre shook his
head at his own thoughts. Yes, he needed love and warmth, the kind of love and
warmth you get in a relationship. But not from Trowa. Trowa was the one
he came to when he needed advice or comfort, his big, strong bear when all else
failed. Trowa could bear the world on his shoulders,
and make Quatre feel the same way with just a few words or a little token of
friendship. Trowa was everything to Quatre, his big
brother.

You don�t fall in
love with your big brother.

It was a jumble,
everything. It was like a big jig-saw puzzle in his head, there were a whole
lot of pieces. He kept on shoving them around and around, but he couldn�t
figure out the right way to shove them to find the solution.

�I hope you�re
not angry,� Quatre said after a while.

�Angry?� Trowa shrugged, indifferently. �Of course
not. If you were offended by it, you have every right to tell me you didn�t
like it.�

�I wasn�t
offended. Hey, you were pretty good at it, you know. It just� didn�t do
anything to me.�

Trowa was
staring at the ground. He was chewing his bottom lip and had his hands shoved
in the pockets of his jeans. �Is that supposed to make me feel better?� he
muttered. His chest felt weird, strangely brittle. Like his pounding heart
could break through it any moment. He had been observing Quatre�s
behaviour these last few days, at selective moments, specifically the moments
when he was around Duo. He wasn�t quite sure yet. But� his suspicions were
heading somewhere. He had started seeing Quatre�s
feelings like a see-saw. At one side was Duo. At the other side Trowa.

And mostly, Trowa stood on the wrong side of that see-saw. Quatre�s feelings
always bended most strongly toward Duo.

His eyes drifted
up to a guy with a fishbone on the back of his vest, and a kid trotting along
with him on his hand. They were gonna
get lucky tonight.

�Not now,
anyway,� Quatre said.

Trowa
sharply turned his head, looking at Quatre again for the first time since he�d
turned him down. �What?�

�Well�� Quatre
linked their arms together, and smiled suggestively. �It didn�t do anything for
me now. But� maybe later.� He felt disgusted with himself for giving Trowa false hope. But he had to do something! He couldn�t
just leave him hurt like this!

�Hm, yeah� Maybe�� There was a hint of a smile on Trowa�s lips when he said that, and Quatre felt better in
an instant. �Wanna go back inside?�

�Hm, no. It�s kinda
nice out here. Less noise. Cooler.� Quatre went
sitting on the ground against the wall and patted his hand next to him for Trowa to do the same.

Trowa did
so, and huddled up next to Quatre. They sat together like that for a while,
while the cool air dried the sweat on their skin. There were some lewd snickers
from people passing by. To anyone else, it might�ve looked like they�d gotten
sick from too much alcohol, and were now recovering.

�Hey, do you have
gum?� Quatre said suddenly. �I have a weird taste in my mouth from all the
drinks.�

Trowa dug
around in his pocket. He felt some coins, a condom � guess he wasn�t gonna use that � and a few strips of chewing gum.
�Here,� he said, handing one strip to Quatre and keeping the other one for
himself. �Hey, you haven�t been drinking too much, have you? I mean, you still
have to drive us home.�

�Not except for
the beer you poured into my mouth,� Quatre mumbled, peeling the foil from the
gum.

�Yeah�� It came
with an embarrassed gust of air. �Sorry �bout that. Got
a bit carried away.�

�S�okay.�

When they arrived
back at their table, they were greeted with a screeching �You fucking son of a bitch!!�.
Luckily, the screech wasn�t directed at them, and was lined with laughter.
Apparently, Heero had found great pleasure in it to spew out each gulp of his
drink over Duo�s face. Duo reciprocated with at the same time disgusted and
hilarious cries, and half-hearted shielding hand gestures.

�God, that�s
gross, you guys!� Quatre yelled.

Duo�s head
swivelled more or less in Quatre�s direction. �Quatre! Hey, Quatre!� he drawled. �Nah, that�s not gross. I
lick his ass, you think I can�t handle a bit of his
spit?�

Quatre�s mouth
fell open with shock. He glanced aside at Trowa and
saw a matching facial expression there. �Ew, that�s gross!� Quatre repeated, this time with
more conviction.

�Hey, I didn�t do
anything!� Heero said. The slur in his voice robbed his words of their
credibility. Heero went to sit down with the cocktail glass in his hand as if
it were a part of him. His one leg was casually slung over the other. Unusual
sight, really. But then again, more unusual things had already happened that
evening.

�They just saw��
Duo made a face as he thought of a retort but was unsuccessful; it simply
wasn�t worth finding a retort for someone as hammered as Heero. �Whatever. I�m
going dancing.�

Heero grunted and
waved his hand indifferently.

�With
Quatre.�

�With
Quatre?!� He was a lot less indifferent now.

�How nice it is
to still see a spark of interest,� Duo remarked dryly. �Yes, with Quatre.�
Grinning, he took Quatre�s arm and pulled him along.

�But� But Heero
doesn�t seem very okay with it!� Quatre protested.

�Hn. If I say no, it won�t change his mind anyway,� Heero
shrugged. �I�ll keep an eye on him. Go have fun, Quatre.�

Quatre felt a
sudden feeling of despair stealing over him. Dancing with Duo was all he�d ever
wanted tonight, but there would be a lot of eyes on them. Heero�s, and Trowa�s. Poor Trowa.
He looked like a kid who couldn�t have that one piece of toy in a toy store. He
glared at Heero; he had expected him to be ultra possessive again. The one time
he wasn�t! Had the alcohol made him less alert?

Before he could
protest any further, Duo tugged at his hand, and he was hurled into a whirling
world of light and music. He didn�t see, didn�t feel anything but Duo�s hands
on his body. He too, could touch him. He was allowed to now, still not too low
of course. He had to stay above his hips. �Duo, what are you doing?!� he
hissed.

�I�m gonna teach
you how to dance, Quatre,� Duo grinned.

�I can dance!�

�No no no�� Duo�s grin grew fiendish, and he lowered his
mouth to Quatre�s ear. �Dance dirty.�

Quatre made a
weird, stuttering sound. �Duo, I really don�t think that is a good idea�� he
mumbled weakly, but Duo had already started. Their hips were touching, and to
Quatre, it felt electric.

Quatre shook his
head. He knew he shouldn�t enjoy it. Right now, Duo was just like something he
could use, a toy to play with which he had to return to his rightful owner when
he was done with it. But God, he enjoyed it! He enjoyed how Duo turned him
around, clawed his fingers in his shirt, ground his groin into his ass, breathed his hot breath in his neck. He could feel his cock
growing hard, and he tried to think of other things, but all he could feel was
Duo�s body pressed up close behind him, Duo�s groin against his ass.

He let his head
fall back against Duo�s shoulder and whimpered, hoping to god that the music
would drown it out. Biting his lip, he quickly turned around again, fearing
that his erection was becoming noticeable to the scrutinizing eyes of their
friends. Duo would feel it, of course, but he had to hide it!

Duo wasn�t sure.
Was he feeling something against his hipbone now? A short glance at Quatre�s face confirmed what he already knew. The boy was
sweating, and blushing, and embarrassedly peering up at him. Quatre had a hard
on.

Duo laughed
softly, but wolfishly, encouraged by his own success. Carefully, he pushed his
knee between Quatre�s legs and slowly let his thigh
go up. �See Quatre, it�s all about taking initiative,� he murmured. He pressed
his leg more boldly, and slowly started riding Quatre�s
thigh. At the same time, both hands travelled down and pressed firmly against Quatre�s butt. �Now, you do the same to me.�

Quatre was
panting, he knew it. He couldn�t stop it, and neither did he want to. Not now. To hell with Heero, to hell with Trowa.
He wanted to enjoy this moment as long as he could, for as long as it lasted. He
buried his face against Duo�s shoulder to hide his expression. Only his eyes
peered up. They went over the crowd. Other couples were dancing in similar
ways. There was no embarrassment on their faces. Only
pleasure. They weren�t facing the same dilemma.

His eyes strayed
further. Almost subconsciously, he sought out Trowa�s
face, like some sort of magnetism. He was looking at them; yet his face was
devoid of emotion. If that shining pole over there all of a sudden had started
dancing the French Cancan, he still would�ve been looking at it like it was something
that happened every day. His eyes strayed back to the crowd. He could see that Wufei and Zechs were still
dancing. But he wondered why Wufei was squinting at
him like that? It�s not like Quatre had provoked the whole thing! And Heero?

Ah, Heero. He
was, in spite of his drunkenness, close to hysterics by now, especially when
Duo took Quatre�s hands and moved them to rest upon
his own butt.

That seemed to be
the final straw. Heero was fuming now. Humped off his chair.
Strode towards them.

Quatre rolled his
eyes, half in pleasure, half in frustration. Just now that Duo had murmured a
sultry �Yes, just like that� in his ear, Heero was gonna break them apart.

�Duo!�

Duo looked up in
genuine surprise as he heard the furious outcry of his name. �Oh. Hey, Heero,�
he smiled. �Gee, you don�t look so drunk anymore.�

�What the FUCK
are you doing?!� Heero shouted, jerking the two apart. Quatre took the opportunity
to escape to the men�s room.

Duo shouted back
with the same ardour. �What do you mean? I�m dancing! At least I was, until you
threw yourself in between! Isn�t that obvious?�

�What was obvious
to me, is that you were sexing Quatre up! Have you
seen the way you were dancing?�

�Oh that,� Duo
snorted, sauntering back to their table. �I don�t see why you�re making such a
big deal out of it. Q‑man is growing up. He�s discovering his sexuality
and I�m helping him with that.�

Heero jerked him
by the arm and turned him to face him. �That�s very nice of you, but he�s
discovering with the wrong one!�

�And then who�s
the right one, Heero?! Can you already imagine Trowa
dancing with him like that?!�

�He was, just a
few moments ago! But you seemingly haven�t noticed that again!�

�Of course I
didn�t notice! You were poking your hard on in my ass and I was horny as hell!
So sue me!�

�And
before that? What about when we came back from the backroom?�

�That was only in
jest,� Duo snorted. �I could tell by that silly grin on Trowa�s
face.�

�Oh, forget it!�
Heero grumbled with a rejecting gesture of his hand. �I wanna
go home!�

�Then go by foot!
I still have to get Wufei drunk,
and myself too!�

�You already are drunk!�

�I hope you get
hit by a car!�

�Me too, then I
don�t have to live with you any longer!�

�Fine!�

�Fine!�

A few more
cocktails, a whiskey, a vodka or two and some other
psychedelic stuff later, the entire incident was forgiven and forgotten. They
had buried the hatchet and were all over each other again

Though Duo and
Heero had declared for all who wished to hear it that they would make a night
of it, Trowa had thought differently about that. He
longed for silence, a warm bed and some painkillers. He felt like he was in
charge of a kinder garten, kindergarten with a
frighteningly high libido! Zechs and Wufei had decided to take a cab after all, and Duo was a
bouncing ball of excitement when he heard.

Trowa
jammed the two drunk, yet still very active boys on the backseat of the car and
slid into the front seat. �You don�t mind if I sit here, do you?� he said to
Quatre, throwing a furtive glance over his shoulder. �You know how��

�Oh, I know,�
Quatre chuckled. �They�re worst when they�re drunk.�

To be continued�

Next chapter:
Hangover. And when the night comes, Trowa discovers
that Duo and Quatre will not join them to Relena�s
party. Also, Wufei reports about his night with Zechs.

Preview:

�Hmm, I�m still
gonna stay home,� Duo mumbled. He sat himself on the armrest of the chair Heero
was sitting in, unaware of it how much he gave the impression that he
unconditionally and truly belonged to Heero, like a faithful servant who
nestled himself next to his king. His gaze rested on Zechs,
trying to imagine the body under the tux.

They sat like
that in silence, until Duo grew bored. He leaned forward and grabbed a plastic
bag from the table, rummaging through it.

�What�s that?�
Heero said.

�Candy. Penis liquerish?" Duo said,
shoving the bag under Heero�s nose.

Heero dumbly
looked up at him, not even beginning to wonder where he�d got liquerish shaped like genitalia.

"Or do you
prefer some breasts? I have breasts too," Duo said, digging into the bag.

"Penis is
fine." Heero snatched the piece of candy Duo offered him and started
chewing on it. �Idiot,� he mumbled.

Finally, they
heard stumbling upstairs. A door was being slammed shut, and feet stepped down
the stairs.

Zechs stood
up, eager to know what Wufei would look like. �You�re
sure you�re not going?�

Duo and Quatre
agreed in unison.
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I wish I were you