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Starting Over	By : makochan0217 Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 1281 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimers: I make no money, so suing is pointless. If you think I own GW, then you need to see someone. I have the number to a nice doctor... Oh, SALLY!

Chapter List
- 9
- 10
Title: Starting Over

Author: Makoto Sagara

Series: Gundam Wing

Archive: the usual suspects (ffnet, affnet, Foreverfandom, my site, mediaminer, my update LJ, and the gw-fanML on yahoo); anywhere else, please ask first.

Category: Angst, Action

Pairings: 1+2+1, Hilde/Cathy, 3+4+3

Rating: T+

Warnings: Shonen ai, language, angst, sap, Post-EW, Episode Zero story spoilers, some violence, action

Disclaimers: I make no money, so suing is pointless. If you think I own GW, then you need to see someone. I have the number to a nice doctor... Oh, SALLY!

Author’s Notes: This is the last chapter of Starting Over. It’s been an interesting journey to dabble in the 1x2 pairing again. It’s been a rather long time since I’ve done so, and I have to say that I enjoyed it, except when my muses were boycotting working on Gundam Wing stories. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed, IThoughtMyJokesWereBad especially for stepping in and doing the beta work after a few chapters. I may or may not write a sequel to this, but for now, this is the last chapter.

Starting Over, Chapter 10 – Not Strong Enough

I’m not strong enough to stay away.

Can’t run from you.

I just run back to you.

Like a moth, I’m drawn into your flame.

Say my name.

But it’s not the same.

You look in my eyes.

I’m stripped of my pride.

And my soul surrenders.

And you bring my heart to its knees.

~ Not Strong Enough, Apocalyptica ft. Brent Smith

Heero stayed upstairs in the kitchen across the hall from his room after showering. He could hear Duo and Trowa speaking to the local police. He even thought that he could hear Chang’s sharp tones drifting up from the TV room. Quatre just shrugged as they shared a look while the blond dressed the wound in his shoulder and the scratches on his face and neck. When Chang insulted the parentage of one of the people he was yelling at, Quatre’s steady hands slipped, scratching Heero’s already abused left cheek close to his eye. “Watch it, Quatre.”

“Sorry, Heero,” the Arab man whispered sheepishly, his cheeks flushed in embarrassment as he continued to try and eavesdrop on the conversations taking place on the floor below. “I wonder what’s going on.”

“I’m sure we’ll find out sooner or later,” Heero responded, grateful that the torture was over so his friend could go back to what he was really interested in.

It was a few hours later when the Chinese man finally joined them in the kitchenette, scowling so deeply that it appeared as if his face was permanently lined at the age of eighteen.

“The authorities believe that Duo and Trowa know something about what happened, but they cannot prove it,” Chang said as he began making himself a cup of tea to join Heero and Quatre. “It helps that they have many witnesses for their trip to the zoo with the children and no wrap sheets. That they know of.”

“How are they?” the blond asked quietly.

“I don’t know. Duo’s refusing to talk to anyone now, and Trowa’s doing his best with the women to take care of the children. The older ones have returned from school. The regular staff members are attempting to behave as if it is any other day for them, despite the difference in Duo’s behaviour.”

“Is there anything we can do to help him?” Quatre asked, closing his eyes with a look of extreme concentration on his innocent-seeming face. He seemed to shake his head in answer to his own question. “No, he’s very closed off right now. I can’t even pick up a tiny blip from him at this point.”

“Give him time, Winner,” Chang said, turning his attention to his tea. “He has many things to digest, and if you or I were to interfere, it would do more harm than good.”

“You think that we should just lock him and Heero into a room and let them have at it?” The blond obviously meant it as a joke, but the Chinese man’s smug nod had the other occupants of the room on edge.

“That’s a horrible idea,” Heero said, finally contributing to the conversation. “Duo is likely to go insane and try to maim me again.”

“I don’t think so, Heero,” Quatre said calmly. “Let me be honest with you. Every one of us had to seek counselling for one reason or another. You aren’t unique in that manner. However, you are the only one of us to completely disappear for any extended length of time. That is what has offended Duo so greatly. And if you had told him beforehand what you planned, none of this would have happened.”

“I didn’t plan it. It was a very spur of the moment decision,” Heero responded, feeling anger bubble up in him for the first time in a very long time.

“I’m sure that Duo will be pleased to know that you didn’t plan out a way to just drop out of the Earth Sphere’s rather extensive radar system,” Chang retorted dryly. “Look, Yuy, while I am angry at you for just taking off and leaving me with a lot of panicking people, I do understand the desire to get away from it all and deal with your demons. In fact, I think besides Duo, I am the one who best understands that.” A thin, black eyebrow arched in humourless amusement.

“The point I am attempting to convey is this. You left your supposed best friend on the ‘spur of the moment’ to enroll into a very excellent but encompassing program to retrain your way of thinking. The only mistake you made is that you failed to alert the people who care about you. Leaving the rest of us to deal with Peacecraft’s hysterics and Duo’s simmering rage at being dismissed as he was. It was a very selfish thing of you to do, and if Duo was thinking rationally, instead of emotionally, I’m sure that he would be proud of you for doing something that wasn’t stated in a mission’s parameters.”

“I was under the impression that you hated me, Chang,” Heero said, his brain mulling over what the other man said.

“Hardly,” the Chinese man replied. “Listen, Yuy, you are an admirable opponent on the battlefield, but even I know that that is useless in the day-to-day life that we must all live from this point on. Khushrenada’s death was a blow that I was unwilling to accept, and I paid the price for my reluctance to let go with the humiliation you dealt me during the Eve’s War. Now, I just want to get on with my life and have my friends and former comrades as happy as they can possibly get.

“For some unknowable reason, you are what would make Duo happy.” He shrugged delicately, sipping at his lukewarm tea. “Now, the question is this: do you think that Duo is worth the effort?”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

“No, Hilde,” Duo whispered harshly, yanking his arm out of the German woman’s hands. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Tough luck, my friend,” she retorted, making sure that the kitchen door was closed behind them and no children had snuck away from Trowa and Cathy. “At this point, you either talk to me, or I go add to the bruises and cuts Lover Boy has on pure, fucking principle.”

“You leave Heero out of his,” he yelled, turning to the meddling bitch with pure fury. “You keep your goddamn nose out of this, Hilde. You and Cathy both. God, I’m so fucking sick and tired of everything. First, you were worried because I was too upset about Heero being gone. Cathy on my case about denying the fact that I’ve been in love with him since we met. Well, I’m not. I know that I’ve loved him since then, and if that isn’t some twisted, fucked up indicator of how a relationship with Heero Yuy is going to be, I don’t know what else is! I am a grown up. I don’t need the two of you nagging me and not letting me make mistakes.” He pointed at her harshly. “I never said anything about things when you and Cathy started fucking, so you can stay the hell out of my personal life.”

Hilde blinked her big blue eyes while opening and closing her mouth in shock. Duo would have laughed if he wasn’t so angry. Instead, he tamped down his anger as best he could and turned his back on his friend until she spoke again. “I know, Duo,” she whispered. “I know that you love him and that you’re more upset that he didn’t trust you enough to let you know what he was doing, but you’ve got to talk to him or he’ll leave again. And that would crush you.” He turned to glare at her, but she’d gotten whatever courage she had and pulled it up by its bootstraps. “You can deny it, and you probably would act like nothing’s wrong, but we’d watch you slowly die inside, and I don’t want to see that happen.”

“So, you want me to just suck up what’s left of my pride and beg Heero to stay here? I can guarantee you that that’s not going to happen!”

“Of course not!” Hilde came and placed a gentle hand on Duo’s arm. “I want you to yell, scream, curse, accuse, and hit him if you have to, but you need to make him explain himself to you adequately and don’t let him give you some stupid excuse.”

He could feel the tears of frustration building up behind his eyes and he vehemently shook his head to keep them from falling. “I can’t do this right now, Hill. I just can’t. I’m gonna go lay down. If you need something major, ask Trowa or Quatre.” Before his friend could respond, he was running out of the kitchen, through the dining room, the old lobby and up the stairs to the third floor, where he barricaded himself behind the door to his room as soon as he possibly could, not bothering to check the kitchenette on the third floor at all.

I don’t want to deal with this, Duo screamed in his head. If he’s going to leave, he should just leave already. I wish he’d never come. Everything would have been fine and I wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit. He stopped his mental rant and went back over what he’d just thought. No, I’m wrong. Everything would have been as screwed up as it was before. I’d still be worrying about his safety and wondering when the day was that I’d get the call from ‘Fei that Heero was dead or was facing treason charges. Having some answers is better than worrying forever.

So I wasn’t good enough to inform of his decision to go into therapy. I can live with that, I guess. At least he let me know that he was still alive. That’s better than nothing. I just want to know if he’s going to stay or leave. I don’t want him to leave, but I don’t think I made him feel very welcome.

With a huge sigh, Duo threw himself on his bed, determined to stop his circular and depressing thoughts. If he wanted to resolve the whole thing, he’d have to talk to Heero, but he wasn’t ready for that just yet.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

How long Heero sat at the kitchenette’s table, he couldn’t have told anyone later. Quatre and Chang had drifted downstairs to help the other adults with dinner and watching the children. He heard some crashing footsteps that stopped when the door to Duo’s room slammed closed, but he was at a loss at what to do. When a throat cleared, he looked up to see Hilde standing there with her arms folded across her chest. “Lover Boy, you need to go and talk to Duo, or it doesn’t matter what you do from here on out,” she said quietly.

“Do you…” He frowned, not really sure how to phrase what he wanted to say. “Do you think that he would be receptive to me staying here?’

“I don’t know where you’ve been for the last few days, Yuy, but if you’d been paying attention, you’d already know the answer to that question,” the woman said, coming to sit in a chair across from him. “Listen, Heero, I’ve never been as close to Duo as you or Chang, but I do understand him a bit more, I think. He doesn’t know if he should push you away or cling to you so tightly that neither of you can breathe properly. I’d say under the circumstances, it’s normal. But the next step has to be done by you. You have to show him that you care for him. Otherwise, he’s going to come out of that room with another mask on, put his shoulder to the grindstone and continue to plough his way on, day after day, without you. That’s how it’s gonna be if you don’t man up.”

“And what if I do?” Heero asked, seeing the truth in what the German woman was saying about their American friend. “What happens then?”

“Got me. I’m sure that Chang and Quatre already tore you a new asshole, and if I know Chang at all, he left you to think about something.” Hilde gave him a sympathetic smile and stood up from the chair. “Now’s not the time to think, but to do. You need to confront Duo, or—and I can nearly guarantee this—you’ll be packed and ready to go in the morning.” She waved before heading back downstairs. “Good night, Heero.”

When he was alone, Heero took a deep breath and set his face into a grimace before letting his facial muscles relax. Gathering all of his courage, he stood from the table and walked over to Duo’s door. I don’t remember being this nervous in my entire life, he thought as he raised his hand to knock. After three sharp raps, he waited, his heart beating in his eardrums.

There was no answer.

Heero waited a few minutes and then knocked again. His heart was pounding madly, drowning out the buzzing of everyone downstairs, and yet, nothing from the other side of Duo’s bedroom door.

He knocked a third time—harder—and decided to speak out. “Duo, open the door. We need to talk.”

That got a reaction from the room’s occupant. “What do you want?” Duo yelled through the closed door.

“I want to talk to you,” Heero said calmly.

“If you’re leaving, then just go,” Duo replied levelly. The American’s nonchalance irked Heero and he let it show in his voice.

“I love how you’ve already decided what I will do, Duo. Now, will you open this door or shall I kick it in?”

“Fuck you,” Duo snarled as the door swung open.

“Is that an invitation?” Heero asked, shoving down the impulse to push the braided man into his room and slam the door as he entered. “I don’t think our relationship is at that stage just yet.”

Violet eyes blinked in confusion as Duo tried to find the words to say something. “Did you…did you just make a joke about fucking me?”

Heero gave the other man a slight smile as he entered Duo’s bedroom and shut the door behind him. “I did. I thought that if you were going to behave like Chang, then I would behave like you. It worked.”

Duo shook his head and turned to face the rest of the room, which was just as sparsely furnished as the one Heero slept in. The only thing that spoke of Duo’s true personality was the mannequin with the familiar priest’s garb and a large rosary. It’s just like he’s waiting for a new mission to come along and he has to run off. I guess I’m not the only one with habits left over from the wars. That let Heero wait patiently for the American to look at him again and speak.

“What have you decided then?” Duo asked in a small voice, arms wrapped around him as if to protect himself.

“Well, after speaking to both Chang and Hilde, I’d like to stay, if you want me here,” Heero answered, his heart pounding wildly once more.

He knew it was the right thing to say when Duo’s arms dropped to his side and his mouth crooked into a lopsided smile. “Great. I know just where we can put you.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~ Four Months Later ~

Duo opened the doors to the orphanage and let in the colony agency’s inspector. “Good afternoon, Mrs. Fields,” he said with a smile that stretched across his entire face. “How are you this month?”

“Oh, I’m fine, Mr. Maxwell,” the petite brunette said, returning his grin with a small smile of her own. “Where is Mr. Barton?”

“Tro’s out in the back with the older girls. They’re working on some vegetable garden idea.”

“Isn’t that the third time you’ve tried to grow something out in the backyard?” the social worker asked, looking around and the spotless entry hall.

“Yeah, but now that the local police have cleared out the last of Los Chupacabras, we thought we’d give it a try.”

“And Cathy and Hilde, where are they?” They stopped as they walked into the TV room. The younger children were sitting around with Cathy, Hilde, and two of Quatre’s sisters, working on puzzles and reading books. The woman turned to stare at Duo with cool, calculating brown eyes. “Alright, where are the older boys and Mr. Yuy?”

Duo smiled widely. “That’s what I wanted to show you. Remember the old gym that I wanted to turn into a workout room for the longest time?”

“Yes?”

“Well, between Wufei and Heero, it’s done. They’ve got the older boys in there, teaching them martial arts.” Duo led the woman through the hall behind the TV room and opened the last door on the right. He let the social worker enter before him to absorb the full impact of what was going on.

The room had been covered in floor to ceiling mirrors, but most of those had been removed and replaced with wallpaper that resembled old-fashioned shoji screens. It had been Quatre’s idea to give the training room the feeling of an actual dojo, and Wufei and Heero had jumped on it and made it happen. In fact, the floor was made out of synthetic tatami mats that would need replacing every year, instead of every three months. Various stations held the weapons that the children would eventually learn to use, but they were all held behind Gundanium reinforced cabinets, so no one would get hurt. The lighting had been changed to be softer and more natural-looking. In fact, it hardly resembled the room they’d started with.

“I have to ask you what you did with all of the old exercise equipment,” Mrs Fields said breathlessly.

“I sold it to Howard as scrap metal. He was only too happy to take it off of my hands,” Duo answered as he watched Heero help Jimmy through his katas and Wufei correct everyone’s forms.

“So, what form of martial arts are they being taught?”

“Um, I think Wufei is teaching them Kung Fu, and Heero’s doing some sort of judo, but I never really asked.”

“Are they going to be learning kendo?”

“You’ll have to ask the instructors, truthfully, because I’m only here to patch up any injuries that they get.”

“Yes, I heard that you got complete field medic certification. What made you go for that?”

“Well, with all these kids running around here, it seemed pretty sad that the only one with any sort of medical training was Cathy. Trowa got certified as well last week.”

“I have to tell you, Mr. Maxwell, that this set up is quite spectacular. I’m completely impressed.”

“Thank you,” Duo said, blushing as Heero and Wufei both looked over with non-verbal questions. “So, how many more children were you hoping to place here?”

“Five, if that’s okay with you and the rest of your staff.”

“Thank God. I thought you were going to say ten or something bigger.”

“Well, Mr. Maxwell, you’re already housing twenty children under the age of sixteen here. Twenty-five is the most I can let you take care of with such a small staff. Unless you plan on bringing in more of Mr. Winner’s sisters on a permanent basis.”

“Nope, can’t do that. Love Q, but his sisters are only good when they switch out every week. Although, Kadijah has been taking to Rebecca and Fatima about adoption.”

“That sounds wonderful. Make sure that you have Ms. Winner call my office if she’s truly serious and not just doing this on a whim.”

“Will do, Jenny,” Duo replied. “Anything else?”

“Well, I’ll have to inspect the rest of the building, and then there’s the psychological visits for the children we need to discuss.”

“Sure, whenever you’re ready. I’ll be in my office.”

“Thank you,” the woman said, turning on her heel to walk over the old hotel on her own.

Strong arms wrapped around Duo’s waist, making him smile genuinely. “You know, you made this quarterly inspection sound much worse than it appears to be,” Heero whispered in his ear.

“Well, I had to make it sound pretty bad to get some of the kids to actually clean up their own messes in time,” Duo responded, turning around in Heero’s arms to return the embrace before moving away. “But, Jenny loves the new dojo and she’s totally going to place five new kids here in the next week.”

“She didn’t say how old they were, did she?”

“No, but I’m hoping that they’ll be a little older now that she knows what kind of set up with have for the older children.”

“We’ll see when they get here,” Heero said, placing a chaste kiss on Duo’s cheek before releasing his lover. “I’d better get back to work, or Chang will skin me in our sparing match later.”

With a wave, Duo left the training room to go to his office. Things were great, as far as he was concerned. Trowa and Quatre were tentatively seeing each other, and the blond was visiting more. Wufei had become a part-time Preventer so that he could spend more time at the orphanage, helping out Duo and the others. Heero and Wufei had settled in fine with the kids. Cathy and Hilde were talking about having a civil union sometime soon. Heero and he had finally moved into the same room on the third floor last week. The gang situation in their part of the colony had calmed down, and there was talk by the colony’s council about some Urban Renewal being done near the orphanage. Oh, and the kids were happy and healthy.

All in all, it was a great way to live, and definitely worth the trouble they’d experienced.

Now, if only Relena would go back to politics, instead of hanging around on L2 for Heero to “come to his senses.”

The End.
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Starting Over