Live Without You?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~(5 months, 2 weeks, and 3 days after Heero’s return.)



(((No, no Sally he’s just getting worse!….Yes we tried that!….No, physically he’s doing better…Well I don’t know what to do either…))) Trowa ranted into the cordless phone.



“Heero you’re going to have to trust us.” Quatre stated tiredly for like the millionth time.



“No!” Came the muffled reply. Quatre cursed soundly under his breath before composing himself again. In the background Duo thunked his head against the wall repeatedly, trying to knock a good idea into his skull.



(((Uh-huh…well Wufei says he’s got an idea, but…YES it has been over a month since we first tried to get him to go outside……No we haven’t succeeded yet…….yeah we tried that too……I’m not sure either. Hmm……we could try that…Thanks…uh-huh…bye Sally.)))

“She says we should tell him he’s not allowed to come out and see what happens.” Trowa said with a sigh.



“Was she serious?” Quatre asked bewildered.



“Ya know…I’m not really sure…” he responded. Quatre sighed loudly and turned back to the door.



“Have we ever hurt you?” Quatre asked gently to the wooden door again.



“…No.” Heero replied after a moment.



“And we would never let anything happen to you, so please come out and just try to go outside for a little while. You don’t even have to leave the steps. And I promise I’ll make you brownies.” Quatre cajoled.



He was silent for a time, then, “No.” was spoken forcefully.



“That’s it I give up!” Quatre declared and climbed off the floor.



Heero sat in the semidarkness with winter coats and bathrobes, shirts and pants hanging about his head and brushing against his body. He’d locked himself in the closet. Again. For the sixth time this month. They wanted him to go outside. He gave no reason for not wanting to go outside, he just wouldn’t go. After all how do you explain that you can barely get out of bed in the morning and walk down the stairs or hold a conversation because at any moment you’ll be punished for talking or standing? That looking someone in the eye gets you beaten within an inch of death. He had good days, where he’d talk some and laugh a little, but they were few and far between. Darkness and uncertainty seemed to hang over him in heavy clouds and he always felt like he should be punished when he spoke or stood upright.

*I know Master is dead. I know he’s gone…but just the same…* he trailed off with a shiver. *I don’t want to be bad! I don’t what to be bad…* he shivered again and pressed his head against his arms folded over his knees and cried in confusion and fear.



“Let’s try your plan.” Duo stated in distress looking to his friend.



“You’re not going to like it…” the other stated matter-of-factly, but agreed.



~~~~~~~~The door clicked and the knob turned, the sound of metal on metal. Light flooded in from the outside world and Wings…*NO, I’m Heero!* he declared in his mind and clamped his hands over his ears as if he could stop the feeling he got when he was called ‘Wings’. That horrible, awful feeling of helplessness and pain and fear that ate away at him daily and made him doubt his right to still be alive.



“Heero. Come out of the closet.” A voice demanded. He didn’t move a muscle. “Heero, do not make me tell you a second time.” He stated lowly, his voice hard. Heero’s head snapped up at the sound of it. “NOW!” It demanded harshly. Heero leapt forward to obey; he landed on his hands and knees just outside the dark safety of the closet and froze. Even footfalls tread around him softly as he stared at the floor between his hands bunched in the carpet fibers, shivering violently.



Quatre and Trowa held back a struggling, furious looking Duo from the Chinese boy. And Trowa had a hand clamped tightly over his mouth. Quatre let out a small oaf of pain as Duo elbowed him in the stomach, but still held on tightly.



“You don’t listen very well Heero.” The voice stated and a soft whimper sounded loudly in the mostly silent room, followed by tears. “I think it’s because you haven’t been trained well…” the voice stated and its owner moved closer. “I’m going to have to retrain you.” he stated simply and locked his fingers gently in the tousled, mocha locks. Heero moaned in fear. “You need a new set of rules to follow. Which may be hard, because I’m going to required different things from you than what Valin expected.” He was quiet a moment as he brushed his fingers gently through the boy’s hair. He leaned up into the touch eagerly. “First Rule of your new mission: I want you to talk if you want to or feel its necessary or when someone talks to you. I like the sound of your voice. Understand?” Heero nodded his head silently as something clicked inside his head at the words. The stroking hand tightened in his hair warningly. “Understand?” he asked again.



“Ye…yes sir.” Heero whispered softly. The hand resumed its stroking gently and Heero moaned in happiness at the silent reassurance.



“Second Rule: Stand up.” He stated and stepped back, waiting for Heero to comply. He simply shivered in fear. If he stood up he’d be punished, if he didn’t do as this new owner said he’d be punished. He was torn between the two and saw no way to not get in trouble. So he stayed where he was. Strong arms wrapped his waist from behind and he was lifted abruptly into the air. He curled himself into a ball around the arms as he let out a startled gasp.



“Put your feet down.” He commanded. “Heero, put your feet down.” he said again and then was silent. They were like that for a few minutes, neither of them saying anything or moving. Heero could feel the warmth of the other’s body, the beating of his heart. It didn’t occur to him to wonder who this man was or how the hell he got in their safe house, things were the way they were. He slowly uncurled himself and rested his feet lightly on the floor. The man let him go slowly and kept his hands on the narrow hips as Heero found his balance, then he stepped back slowly.



“Good.” he stated pleased and brushed his fingers through Heero’s hair again. “Are you going to listen to me and do what I say?” He asked circling slowly around Heero, who stared directly at the floor. “Are you going to try?” He amended.



“I’ll try.” Heero whispered softly wanting his new owner to be happy with him.



“Good.” he stated as he stopped in front of Heero, who felt a shiver of pleasure run down his spine at the praise. “Third Rule: Look me in the eye.” He demanded and placed gentle fingers under Heero’s chin tilting it upwards. He fought the urge to pull away with all he was and by force of will alone didn’t jerk his head back down where it belonged. He kept his eyes open, because he knew he was supposed to. His unwilling gaze traveled up a black clad chest to a face he knew very well.



His gasp stuck in his throat and came out as a small sigh of shock. Dark cobalt blue merged with dark, dark black onyx as his mouth opened slightly, his brows drew downward.



“Wufei?” he questioned aloud in shock his eyes fixated to the others’ in astonishment.



“Good.” Wufei told him softly and brushed his hand through the others hair gently. “Now we’re going outside.” He stated and helped Heero put on some socks and shoes. He grasped Heero’s hand lightly.



“Okay…” He whispered uncertainly and stepped unsteadily to follow the other boy as he led, leaning heavily on his crutch. The two of them left the room without another word.



“How in the HELL…” Duo asked in disbelief once they’d left and the others had let him go. He looked to Trowa and Quatre for an explanation, but they just shrugged. “Heero didn’t even realize we were still here. And what the hell made Wufei…I just don’t understand…I’m lost.” Duo stated scratching his head. “That wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.”



~~~~~~~~Heero stood nervously on Quatre’s lawn with Wufei nearby. His left leg throbbed slightly but it wasn’t horrible. The early morning sun was bright upon them as a gentle breeze blew softly, swaying the trees around them.



“Have you ever mediated before?” Wufei asked. Heero shook his head in silence and Wufei just stared at him silently, waiting for an answer.



“No…” he whispered softly and glanced up to Wufei’s face, not quite making it to his eyes.



“First we’ll stretch, like this.” Wufei said demonstrating some lunges and toe-touches.



*I can do that.* Heero thought to himself pleased. He’d done the same type of things in his Gundam pilot training.

“Then we sit on the ground cross-legged, like this. It’s very simple, just sit and let your mind wander for a moment, then clear it of your thoughts or continue to think about whatever you like.” Wufei instructed. “It’s a great way to get yourself in order. It takes some time to get really good at it, but we’ve got plenty of time…” he said and began to relax. Heero hesitated a moment but sat down as well, slowly lowering himself to the ground. He tried to fold his legs up lotus style as Wufei had, but a pulse of pain shot through his lower back and pelvis as he tried to.



“Heero just sit in whatever way is comfortable to you.” Wufei chimed softly. So he just sat with his legs curled slightly under him, which didn’t put any undue stress on his still bruised pelvis, and….well that was all really. He just kind of sat there.



*This…is kind of boring. I’m not sure if I’m doing it right…* He thought worriedly. Wufei’s breathing slowed and he felt the other boy relax. *Wufei’s…my owner? My Master. That’s strange.* he worried his bottom lip gently. *Wufei is nice, but my Mast…my OLD master wasn’t.* He thought with a shudder of fear and remembered pain. *But Wufei…is nice and my old master is dead. So maybe a Master…can be nice. Wufei’s always been nice.* Heero relaxed in relief as he worked out his current situation in his head and found that he wasn’t in any danger. *Wufei actually wants me to stand up and talk and look him in the eye.* he thought nervous again suddenly, then forced himself to relax again. *Wufei isn’t going to hurt me.* His fellow pilots were the only people he could say that about, the only ones he trusted. But he still felt as if someone were going to beat the hell out of him for doing something that he’d been told was wrong. Now one of the only people he trusted was telling him it was all right, so, it must be okay. Suddenly Heero realized that there were birds chirping around him. The breeze blew softly against his skin and ruffled the trees causing them to whisper quietly. There was a small rock digging into his upper thigh. He noticed the coolness of the ground under him, the way the grass brushed against his ankles above his socks. The sun was just starting to rise above the treetops. And oddly enough, he felt at peace. The moment was sublime and he wouldn’t have changed anything about it. *I think I understand what Wufei meant.*