Descent of an Angel

Hey, everyone...

So I suppose I have a bit of explaining to do with everyone. I haven't updated in forever, and I apologize for that. There's been so much going on in my life, and it's been hard to find time to do everything and keep up with this. I have something so far, but I don't know when I'll be able to update again. I have not forgotten about this, and I do have what I'm going to do next, but what it's mostly going to be chapter redoing for a while. Especially that random chapter, where one second Duo's in heart surgery and then randomly, he's being taken to the psyche ward. I just realized that a few days ago and I am working on fixing it.

Anyways, for now, here's something for you guys and I do ask that you forgive the delay and be very patient with me... or at least attempt to bare with me.

"Blah Blah Blah"- Talking
{thinking}

"*Blah blah Blah*"- a voice from their subconcious

/Blah blah blah/- A scenario from the past(Duo)
/"Blah Blah Blah"/- Talking in a scenario from the past(Duo)

["blah blah blah"]- Talking in a scenario from the past(Heero)
[Blah blah blah]- A scenario from the past(Heero)


~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

-3 Days Earlier-

Duo looked around with almost childish enthusiasm as he was lead down the white halls. His bare feet squished in his slippers, making him, occasionally, loose focus on walking and then gain interest in the shoes. The assistants kept a close hold on him, making sure that he kept up then held him almost straight up as if they were presenting him to someone.

Before him was a man Duo barely recognized as the man that would soon be replacing Walter as the person to talk to when he was having a bad day. He looked no older than he did, he was sure of it. He stood a little shorter than him, and his hair was kept close to his head. Duo smirked at the man, resisting the urge to mock how small and young he was. Heero told him that it wasn't polite and he wouldn't make friends like that.

"Hello, Mr. Maxwell. Or can I call you Duo?" the young man asked, looking at him.

Duo shifted rather uncomfortably in the hands of his escorts, "Duo would be fine. Who are you?"

"My name is Dr. Lareum, but you can call me Duncan. I'm your new therapist and have taken on your case and treatment from now on."

"What happened to Walter?" Duo asked, tilting his head like a confused child.

"He's getting ready to retire, so he let me get started on you so I would be used to helping you when he was fully retired. Why? Do I make you uncomfortable?"

"You don't look that much older than me! Solo would be ancient compared to you. He's pretty old." Duo muttered, his look a little sour before he shifted again, pulling on the Orderly's hold on him, as if to test how well they were holding onto him.

"Yes, I would imagine he would be pretty old, but I am around twenty-three." Duncan told him, giving him a small smile, pressing his clipboard to his chest.

Duo nodded, not really understanding the relevance to the whole conversation, or the fact that he brought this up to the man in front of him before he looked around again, his interest in a window to his left. He watched the trees sway in a slight breeze, and a few birds flutter past the window, feeling a little at peace at the sight of it.

"Duo?"

Violet eyes turned, resting on the young doctor that nodded when he responded to the call of his name.

"We're going to start a new therapy regiment today. Do you know what I am talking about?"

Duo shook his head, truthfully, he didn't even know what therapy was, let alone what a therapy regiment would entail, but it did sound painful to say the least.

Duncan nodded before he turned his clipboard, a black and white ink blot on the pristine white paper, "What does this look like? Just to see how well you can see."

Duo tilted his head, confused before he stared at the picture, the black dot forming different but completely confusing shapes in his head. Tilting his head to the right a little, he shrugged, "It doesn't look like a person... Maybe a bunch of rats?"

"Rats? Okay. I can buy that." he said before he presented another one, "How about this one?"

Duo stared at it for a second before he shrugged, he didn't know what it was or what it could be. It didn't look like anything to him, just a blob of nothing on a white piece of paper.

"Can you not identify the thing in the picture because you've never seen one before?"

Duo looked at him, shrugging, he didn't know. He didn't understand what theses questions were for, nor did he want to know. He wanted to see Heero, and he wanted to go to the big room where he could color, draw and listen to the voiced from the ceiling sing to him. He wanted to be where Solo would meet him and make him feel safe until it was time for him to leave, he didn't want to be here.

"Okay, Duo. We're going to try something new today, like I said before. We're going to put you in a new room for a couple of hours."

"New room? Is Heero going to be there?" Duo asked hopefully.

"Not right now. After our regiment, we'll let him see you."

Duo looked disappointing at first when he was told Heero wasn't going to be there, but when he was promised that he would see the other man after a little while, he smiled brightly and nodded, excited to be able to see Heero again. Blinking when the guards pulled him along, Duo couldn't help but look around, he didn't like this at all. They lead him down the halls and into a empty room. The only light inside the room came from the open door and the hall lights outside. Duo tensed, his heels digging into the linoleum under him.

"W-wait! You didn't say it would be dark!" Duo stuttered, his voice going high as he suddenly couldn't breath.

"It's only for a little bit, Duo." Duncan told him, coming up behind him as he leaned against the door, clipboard to his chest as he reached up, running his fingers through his hair.

"No, please. Not the dark. Anything but the dark, anything!" Duo gasped, his eyes welling with tears before they spilled down his cheeks and into his shirt.

The guards looked at Duncan, who nodded to them, and they forced the small male into the room, shoving him in and closing the door behind him. Duo gasped as he hit the floor, looking over his shoulder as the door was closed on him, blocking out the light, and plunging him into darkness.

"NO! NO, PLEASE! Oh, God, please! Don't leave me in here!" Duo sobbed as he ran to the door, pressing himself to it, fumbling for the door knob that wouldn't budge under his hand, they'd locked it on him, he wasn't going anywhere, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please! Please, let me out! Turn on the light! PLEASE!"

His begging fell on deaf ears as Duncan and the two orderlies walked away, leaving Duo on his own.

"You sure about this, sir? He seems really freaked out." one of the larger orderlies said, looking over his shoulder where he could still see the door they locked him in.

"Sensory Deprivation has worked many times, especially on those with PTSD and also Amnesia. I am confident that this will snap him out of it." Duncan said.

"What about that other pilot?"

"Tell him he's sick."

"He'll want to see him, still. That boy has the immune system of a saint."

Duncan stopped, looking at him with a frown, "Look, I don't care what you tell Heero Yuy. He's not my patient yet, and when I get complete control of his records, I'll figure out the right drug cocktail and dosage in order to keep him sane and we can be rid of both of them. We aren't getting any funding for those two, since their friend is paying, cash, for all their medical bills. Unless you want this place to go under for being over booked and understaffed, I suggest you field Heero Yuy for a week until I get Heero Yuy and we can get rid of the both of them."

The two nodded, turning down their hallways and going back to their positions and their jobs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

In the room, Duo slid down to his knees, holding his head and shaking back and forth. His breathing constricted with panic and the shock of being betrayed by someone that was suppose to help him. He was suddenly thinking clearer. He remembered where he'd seen

"Oh god. Oh God. Solo? Solo? Please be here. You're always in the rooms with me some how, please be here." Duo whimpered before he screamed when he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"It's fine, kid. It's me. Relax." Solo whispered in his ear.

Duo sighed as he felt the other kneel beside him, his arm around him and his head on his shoulder. Duo released his head from his vice like grip, lifting it and turning to face the blond beside him, tears streaming down his face still, "Solo, why? Why are they doing this to me? I didn't do anything wrong, did I? Was it because I couldn't answer what that black and white thing was?"

Solo shook his head, leaning forward and kissing Duo's forehead, "No, kid. That's not it. I swear, it's not because of that, and it's not because of you. Some people are just horrible."

"But he was so nice before. With Walter, he was so nice. He smiled, and he gave me a piece of candy. He was nice, why is he like this now? Why are they all like that? They pretend to be my friends, and then turn on me."

"I think it was just to get you to like him, so you would do what he wanted. Look, Kid. I'm here, nothing's going to happen."

"But... the dark." he whimpered, tears streaming down his face again as he remembered the nightmares while in the dark.

"Kid-"

"What if they get me? What if they hurt me again? I don't want to hurt! I don't want to be here! I want Heero! Heero promised I would never go into the dark again, he lied to me! Heero lied to me!" Duo sobbed, curling again before he laid down on the cool floor, pressing his forehead to it as tears rolled down his skin and dripped off his nose with a soft 'plop'.

"Kid, he didn't lie. I promise you, he didn't lie to you. He didn't know that they would do this to you. Heero would never let anything happen to you."

"He let me stay in the dark for so long before." Duo muttered.

"Maybe he didn't know?" Solo muttered as he moved around Duo and laid down behind the thin male, pushing himself close and holding him around his middle.

"Wufei went missing for an hour, and Heero was on the computer, searching for him until he found him a few minutes from the base. Heero never lets anyone go missing for too long."

"Kid, you were kidnapped. No one but the people who took you knew where you were, and Heero was the one who found you, remember?"

"He found me by accident! He wasn't looking for me! He wanted me to go away! They all did!" Duo sobbed, reaching up and pressing his hands to his face, gripping his bangs in a death grip.

Solo sighed, looking down sadly as he leaned down, kissing the back of Duo's neck before he laid his head protectively over the other, holding him as the once long haired male sobbed on the floor. Solo looked down, seeing Duo was asleep he smiled sadly before he leaned forward, "You know I'm not real, Kid. I died a long time ago, in your arms. You were devastated, but you survived, you survived to be a great man, and a world hero. You have to remember, Kid. I know you miss me, and that I was a good friend to you when you were a tyke, but there's no reason for you to have me here. You have your new family. The other pilots, and the other friends you've made during the war. I'm going to leave you now, Kid, and I'm not going to come back. I'll always be with you, but I will not come to help you anymore. You don't need me. I'm sorry to have to do this to you, Kid, but I can't keep suppressing these memories for you, you have to learn to deal with them yourself. Remember, Kid, one day at a time, and just for today, I'll live like tomorrow was my last. Love ya, kid. Remember that."

....

Duo sighed softly in his sleep, shifting a little then opening his eyes. Tear stained cheeks itched him, so he reached up and rubbed them which caused his eyes to burn.

"Solo?" he asked softly, looking around, "Solo?"

No one responded to his calls, he felt completely alone and cold. Fear bubbled inside of him, his eyes welled with fresh tears, his heart raced and stomach plummeted.

"SOLO!? PLEASE!" he screamed but, again, no one answered.

The shaking and sobbing starting fresh again, Duo moved away from the door, pressing his back to the wall and curling into a fetal position against it. He leaned down, pressing his forehead to his knees as he began to hyperventilate, his breaths shallow and harsh. Between his parted lower legs, just under the knees, he could see through his lap a soft light shining through before a shadow made it disappear for a second, then it was back. He felt something take his arm and he jerked away, crying out in alarm.

Something else grabbed his other arm, holding him tightly as something was slid into his skin. He couldn't really feel what was going on until the hands were gone. He finally opened his eyes, the light blinding him for a second, then it cleared to show the man in the large, white overcoat that had forced him in here. Duncan.

"Let me go. Please." he whimpered to the man.

Duncan didn't move as he stared at him, then his face contorted and twisted into a different face. This one was more familiar, and feared. He felt the same panicking fear grab a hold of him again as the man that was his captor for five years now stood before him.

"No. No! I'm not here! You're not real!" Duo cried out, panting hard, unable to catch his breath.

He felt like he had just run for seventy miles non-stop. He could catch his breath, he couldn't think, and he could barely see. He wanted Heero to take him away again, to make him feel safe. He wanted anyone to help him, to make him feel safe.

"*No one is going to help you.*" a soft, almost menacing voice whispered in his ear.

"Heero will." Duo sniffled, his body moving as if to defend itself, but he was too weak and tired.

"*They never liked you, and you know it*" the voice murmured.

A small sniffle came from the thin man as he felt something shift in his subconscious. He could feel as if there was something, or someone, moving inside his head. It was like a bad itch, or a tiny critter crawling in your hair, yet you knew no matter how much you scratched or searched for the critter, it would not go away. He knew this feeling. How many times had he forced it back into the recesses of his mind, only to call on it in the very next battle that he would feel too overwhelmed to finish. The secret he kept from all of the others for as long as humanly possible, the secret he thought was dead.

"*You and I both know it. They never liked us." the voice continued, seeming to wrap that thought around his mind as the hallucinations charged him, shadowy figures threw punches that he could feel even when he knew they weren't real.

It was like a bad nightmare that you couldn't wake up from. No amount of shock or wanting to wake up would make him do so. He closed his eyes, hoping that doing this would make it go away, but the hallucination continued behind his closed eye lids. The figures continued to punch, kick and throw him against the wall by either his arm or his head. The pain never subsiding even for a second.

"*How many times have you heard 'shut up, baka'?*" the voice asked, Heero's voice filling his head, "*Or someone telling you to leave them alone? Even Quatra doesn't want anything to do with you. He would rather see you captured and tortured for the rest of your life than deal with you trying to make a friend the only way you know how. None of them liked you. Hell, they could've been the ones that ordered your capture. Admit it.*"

'Duo.'

Violet eyes snapped open at the call of his name. He couldn't see anything past the men before him, throwing punches at his gut, and the man standing before the open door, blocking the light with his silhouette. There didn't seem to be anyone there, and he almost let himself believe that he hadn't heart anything until he heard his name being called again. It wasn't like the voice of Shinigami that felt like a veil shrouding his mind, nor was it like how he was able to hear the grunts of the men that were punching and kicking him, where it felt like it was coming from everywhere and nowhere. This voice was a voice he could actually hear.

/"Are you ready, Mr. Maxwell?" a scarily familiar voice hissed above his head./

"N-no. Please. Please, leave me alone." Duo sobbed, holding his head tightly, hoping that would banish the illusions.

/"The Lord is very patient, but I am not. I will ask you once more, the blue prints, Mr. Maxwell." the voice growled./

"No!" Duo screamed, 'hands' grabbing his shoulders and forcing him against the wall flat.

/Before him, the man in the pressed, neat suit stepped forward, brandishing a filled needle. Fear's cold hand wrapped around his heart, threatening to stop it as his body went through the hallucination's motion all on its own. Tears streamed down his face as he looked away, choking back a sob as he 'felt' the familiar bite of the needle being slipped into his arm and the poison burning through this veins./

'What do you see?'

"They want me to talk, but the beatings don't work. I'm too used to them from my time in the war, being beaten for information every time I'm captured, so they're doing something else." Duo sobbed, his voice cracking as he leaned his head back, gasping in pain as his whole body started to burn as it spread within him.

'Concentrate. Do you see what it is?'

/Duo made a gagging noise before he opened his eyes, the 'light' hitting his eyes, making them sting before they burned harshly. He blinked back the tears, watching as 'the suited man' walked back to his case and opened it. He placed a clear vial back into its spot before he broke the needle off the plunger and tucked it into a plastic box labeled 'Sharps'./

"G used to use it on rats... to see what it does. It's... poison." Duo rasped, surprised at how fast the poison was traveling through his system, and how little his system was fighting this.

'What is it?'

"Mercury." Duo rasped again, his body going lax, his hands starting to tingle and burn.

Duo clenched his eyes shut, he slightly felt himself sliding down until he was laying on his side on the floor, shaking. He gasped, his throat feeling like it was closing in, at the edge of his vision, the darkness that framed it started to narrow more and more until all he could see was a tiny pin of light.

/"R-d t- t-k m-fuh-jur-da."/

Duo winced, he couldn't understand what the person was saying at all, he couldn't tell if it was the voice questioning him, or if it belonged to the man, he tried to voice his confusion but his voice sounded weird even to him, all blurred together and broken. He slightly felt the tears fall down his face, but he could feel the heat stirring inside of him, growing and spreading. It was burning him. Burning him alive. He couldn't take it anymore. He screamed into the ground, eyes clenched shut against the pain, the rest of his body refusing to respond.

Duncan watched Duo as he slid to the ground, blinking in surprise as he relived the horrible memories that he'd been suppressing all this time. He was still aware, and was answering questions, but he was living through the memories, as if they were happening to him right now.

"Mercury? They poisoned him with Mercury?" Duncan asked softly, jumping when Duo started to scream in pain.

Panicking, Duncan leap out of the room and slammed the door shut with a rather loud thudding click. Gasping softly, Duncan shook his head, holding his clipboard protectively to his chest. He sighed as the adrenaline began to settle in his body, his heart slowing to normal pace, and his hands starting to shake.

"He's worse off than I thought. I'll have to try and find something else to work on with him. I wonder how long they used Mercury, if they moved on to other poisons. Mercury explains his sensory impairments, and why his Schizophrenia is worse than Heero Yuy or Change Wufei's. I'll have to have the LPN do a fully body check on him, look for Paralysis in any extremity or skin patch. This is going to take longer than I thought." Duncan grumbled before he pushed off the wall and grabbed his cellphone, speed dialing the Nurse's Office and pressing it to his ear, "Linda? It's Duncan, I need you to set up for a patient check. Yes. Yes. Duo Maxwell. 22." he rattled off as he moved down the hall, leaving the door locked and closed with Duo suffering behind it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero walked into the Sun Room. Looking around and frowning when he didn't see Duo at all. A scowl formed on his face as he marched to the Medication window, knocking on it to get the Nurse's attention behind it. She turned, her name tag reading Ledi. She had short red hair, and hazel eyes. She was pretty, but he wasn't thinking of that as she asked him what she could do for him.

"Duo Maxwell. He's suppose to be here right now. It's his Craft Therapy time." Heero said, frowning a little.

She nodded and flipped through the books, looking up Duo's Therapy Schedule before she nodded, "He doesn't have it this week. Dr. Larium discontinued his sessions until next week."

"Why would he do that?" Heero asked, frowning at her.

"He said that he was going to do more one on one with Duo for this week, since he was just getting his charts and medical records, and he wanted to get to know his new patient better before Walter retired at the end of the month."

Heero scowled a little at the reminder that his therapist was retiring before he leaned forward, "When can I see him? Is he still allowed his Aqua Therapy for his heart?"

She looked down, her finger dragging over the paper before she shook her head, "He's canceled all therapy sessions for Duo for this week except for the ones with him at three, and those have been extended from an hour, to two."

"But he needs that physical therapy for his heart and muscular dystrophy. He can't halt his regiments just because this man wants to 'get to know him.' He'll die without them."

"Heero, calm down. I'm sure a week wont do anything to him." she said.

"It only takes three days for a already week muscle to loose all the strength it's built up. Please, you can't have those therapies canceled."

"Did you take your morning pill yet, Heero?" Ledi asked, a soft look on her face.

Heero stared at her in surprise, his head bowing between his arms then he sighed softly, "No, I haven't. Linda was busy with another patient, and had no time to give it to me." he murmured.

"Well, I have extras of your prescription. Here." she said, turning and administering the pill into a paper cup, then pouring cold water into a pitcher.

Turning, she pushed them through the gap between the counter and the bullet proof glass to him. Heero sighed softly, taking the pill cup, tipping his head back as he took the pill and drank the water to wash it down. He waited, feeling the pills and water slide down his throat then looked at her again.

"I know I sound horrible, or paranoid when I say this but... I don't want anything to happen to him. It's been a long road to get him better, to get him at least this much better than he was. I don't want all of that to be ruined just because Larium wants to spend time with Duo. He doesn't need that, he'll be put back in the hospital, and all his progress will be lost. I want him better." Heero muttered, looking down before he mentally scolded himself for acting like this in front of someone else.

"I know you do, Heero. We all want him better, we want you all better, but these kind of things take time. Think of it like this, if Larium doesn't know Duo too well, he wont be able to help him better, and if he can't grow in his care plans with Duo's growth, Duo wont advance or fall behind, he'll stay where he is." she said softly, smiling to the still distraught young man before her.

"Is there any way I can see him at all? I want to give him a drawing I drew for him, and a few pictures from our friends."

She smiled before she checked the books one more time, "It doesn't say anything like that but I'm sure you can asked Larium during your appointment with him. I'm sure he will let you see Duo."

Heero nodded, stepping back from the window and sighing softly, "When is my appointment? If he's extended Duo's visits, everyone must be pushed back, or forward."

"Yours is in thirty minutes. It's all going to be all right, Heero. The Orderlies on Duo's floor do have orders to make sure he does his personal Exercises. It's going to be fine. Happy sixth year, Heero." she smiled at him.

Heero nodded again, still unsure about all of this. He didn't want to see anything happen to Duo, and he was scared that Duo would regress in his therapy, or his heart would get weak again. After his transplant, the doctor said that he would have to do at least five years of therapy in order to make sure that his body didn't reject his new heart, and to be sure that it is strong enough to survive during the treatment of Duo's malnourishment and the other problems his body had because of being starved for five years.

"*Why do you care so much for him? We should be focusing on the mission. He's a distractions.*"

"He is my mission. My distracting mission. He's too weak to help himself, I have to do it. The others don't know what to do for him. I'm the only one who's been in this place before, or been in a situation like this. I can't lose him again." Heero muttered softly, reaching up and attempting to flatten his unruly hair, a habit he'd gotten into after Trowa sent him here the first time.

Heero smiled sadly as he remembered that time four years ago. It was the worse day of his life, but it was a disguised blessing since it got him the help he needed but refused to admit to himself that he wanted as well as needed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

[Four Years ago(from three days ago)

The last mission had taken months to complete. Weeks of stake-outs, watching people come and go, then moving in and infiltrating the organization as a 'new recruit.' He couldn't believe how amazing it felt to be back in the action again, the feeling like the war was still going on, and his life depended on his every movement. The old Soldier inside of him loved the thrill, he lived for it. Every nerve in his body had been on alert, pins and needles in ever extremity and hair follicle. He wanted more, it was like a drug to him, a natural high. The Adrenaline, the amazement, the feeling of being completely alive. He never wanted it to end, then Preventers came in, and arrested everyone, even those under cover to keep their cover in case they needed them to get information while in 'jail.' It had been a disappointment when he heard Une's order's to proceed with the operation as planned. He hadn't said anything at the last meeting, knowing that he would want to try and prolong the infiltration a little longer, just a little, Trowa wanted out, he couldn't take it anymore. He had been adjusting very well to the new life when he was called into duty for Preventers.

He had allowed himself to be taken, never mind he could have broken away and run to the headquarters of the place he'd infiltrated, and been a real member of the organization until he got bored of it. It was this kind of thing that he needed in his life, to appease the Soldier inside of him. He needed it to keep him from talking all the time, after a mission, he was always silent. Heero loved those times because he slept so beautifully when he was quiet. Even his nightmares didn't bother him as bad when the Soldier was calm again. He needed these missions to last as long as possible, the longer the mission, the longer the Soldier was quiet and the better he slept.

"Heero?"

Heero jerked, spinning, hands moving up defensively until Trowa's face finally forced its way through the fog of his mind and he relaxed once more, "Trowa."

"Are you all right? You seem tense." Trowa explained, looking at his comrade and brother.

Heero nodded, "Just thinking. Has Une done anything to the Don yet?"

Trowa gave him a skeptical look, the eyebrow to his one visible eye raising a bit, "Yes. She's already handed him and all the evidence on him to the State, and he's been transported to the hold cell."

Heero nodded, "So there's nothing else she needs from us for this mission?"

"Not yet, but she says that she might need some of us to appear on the stand and testify."

Heero nodded again then turned, feeling the familiar itch in the back of his head, like his scalp itched, but it felt under it. Trowa watched him go then turned and went to return to the paper work he was doing with Quatra and Wufei. The other two were passing papers and files to each other, working together to get this paper work done quicker.

"Where are we?" Trowa asked as he retook his seat beside Quatra and across from Wufei.

"Filing Week two. It's been a little hard, since that was the week of the assassination attempt on the Governor and we had to halt everything until he was rescued." Wufei said as he handed Trowa a document that required the European's signature.

"How's Heero doing?" Quatra asked as he slid a pile of papers into a file labeled Week Seven in bold Sharpie print.

"He says he's doing fine, but I think those missions effect him more than he will tell us. I think he should go see the Therapist with us." Trowa said as he signed effortlessly.

"Why, so all four of us can be labeled as insane?" Wufei grumbled as he signed something himself.

"Wufei, no one thinks we're insane, and those that do are people wondering if they are themselves." Quatra explained, smiling as he shifted through papers again.

"Says you." Wufei muttered until someone running past yelling caught his attention, "What int he wold?"

Trowa stood from his spot again, Quatra following him, and Wufei just leaning forward in his seat as Trowa snatched someone running by and pulled them to him by their shirt, "What's going on?"

"There's someone on the ledge on the 27th floor! He's going to jump!" he said quickly, his eyes wide as he looked up at the much taller male that had him.

"Jump?" Quatra gasped, hands pressing to his mouth in surprise, "Who?"

"Agent Yuy!" he gasped when Trowa dropped him then tore up the halls to the staircases.

"Trowa!" Quatra gasped, running after the taller male.

They were on the eleventh floor, and to get to the 27th floor on foot was murder on anyone's knees and legs but Trowa, his long legs, with the added effect of the adrenaline coursing through him and worry that he wasn't going to make it to save his brother in time forced him up all sixteen flights onto to run into the back of the crowd.

"Move, you imbeciles!" he roared, shoving past the on lookers then into the office, "Heero?"

He looked around, blinking before he rushed to the window, sticking his head out. Sitting on the ledge, gun resting on his knees, was Heero, his Preventers uniform gone and replaced with his old Green tank top and black spandex shorts. Blue eyes were looking out onto the city below, no emotion inside them, and seemed completely unaware of the fact that he was a wrong shift away from plunging twenty-seven stories to his death.

"Heero." Trowa called softly so he wouldn't startle the other.

"Barton." Heero grunted shortly in greeting, not looking away.

"Heero, what are you doing? Get back in here." Trowa said, climbing into the window sill before he felt something grab him.

"Trowa, don't." Quatra hissed fearfully, watching the taller man, afraid he would fall with Heero.

"I have to talk him back inside, Quatra." Trowa said lowly, making sure he could hear him.

"What if you fall?" Quatra whimpered, fear in his eyes.

Trowa looked at him before he felt his resolve solidified as he leaned forward, gently kissing him on the lips then moving back, "I won't fall. I promise." he said then climbed through the window, sliding over and sitting beside his brother, looking at him, "Heero, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, much. I miss it, Barton." Heero muttered, his voice mono-toned, like it was back in the war a year and a half ago.

"I miss it, too. I miss feeling like I was making a difference. That I mattered." Trowa explained.

"I miss the adrenaline rush, the ability to kill if I wanted to, or if I needed to. I have never not been not on edge, Barton. It was my life before, and I miss it all." Heero explained, his eyes not leaving ahead of him.

"Heero, we can work to get you better."

"There's nothing wrong with me, it's the rest of the world." Heero growled, his eyes turning colder and dark in his rage.

"Heero, the world isn't sitting on the edge of the twenty-seventh floor with a loaded gun in his reach."

"The world isn't going to kill itself." Heero muttered rather off hand, like he was talking about the weather.

"What? Heero, you can't-"

"My mission is complete. There is no other option except to self-terminate."

"What about Duo? I thought you loved him." Trowa said, a frown on his face.

"Love is a distraction that I do not need. Even if I did love him, Duo's gone. He doesn't want anything to do with me."

"That's not true. Duo's just as confused as you are, and he went to find himself. He likes you, too, Heero."

"It doesn't matter, he's not here, is he?"

"Heero, he'll come back. I promise he will, and when he does, it'll be like how it used to be. You two like two brothers, always together and always taking care of each other."

Heero shook his head, "No. He'll be different when he comes back, if he comes back, and I'm the last person he'll want to see after how I used to treat him."

"Duo doesn't hate you, Heero."

"Why hasn't he written? E-mailed? Visited? He doesn't want anything to do with us. Open your eyes, Trowa." Heero growled as he snatched up his gun and cocked it once.

Trowa swallowed a little, watching his brother check to be sure the safety was off then it was properly loaded, "I can't speak for Duo, Heero, but I am sure, where ever he is, he's thinking about you. Who knows, he might have left all of us because he thought he wasn't good enough for you. That's a nice thought to think, please Heero. You wont ever know unless we find him and you confess to him."

"So I can get what little bit of heart I have broken?"

"You have a lot of heart. You were the one that went back into the burning unit to rescue a trapped little girl during one of our raids, no one else would go in, not even Wufei or me. You went back inside for her, you rescued her and now she's preforming her first dance recital, she invited you to it."

Heero stared at his gun before he looked at Heero, "I couldn't let her burn."

"Exactly why you're more of a human than anyone else, Heero. You saw she was precious and precious to someone, so you rescued her. You're the one who started our monthly Orphanage visit for community service. While everyone else was content in just sitting watching TV in a Pound to claim service, you were going into Orphanages and volunteering your time, money, and effort to make sure they knew they were loved, fed, and had books to read. You even taught a boy too old to be adopted how to read. He's graduating from High school next year, after only passing because his teachers were tired of having him in their classes."

"Duo would've done it..." Heero muttered softly.

Trowa nodded, "And Duo wouldn't have wanted you to kill yourself, because you were his best friend."

"No, I wasn't."

"You were. He told me so. When we were grounded during a air search for us after a mission, we were stuck in a cave and we were talking. Duo called you his best friend, and would only talk about you. He cares for you, Heero, he just needed some time to adjust."

"Why are you doing this?"

"You're my brother, and one of my best friend. I trust you to watch my back, save my life, and protect me, now I'm doing the same for you. Let me save you." Trowa said, holding his hand out to the other, who just looked at it, as if he didn't know what to do.

"He wont stop."

"We can work on it. Wufei, Quatra and I are going to therapy to help with ours. Nanashi barely comes forth anymore, he can help you, too. He can make your Soldier calm down for as long as you will let him." Trowa explained, looking at his friend, hoping he would take it.

"What if he can't?"

"He can. I thought he couldn't help me, too, but he did. I thought, since I've been like this since before I can remember, that he wouldn't be able to help me, but he has. Heero, you remember a time before The Perfect Soldier, a time where you felt comfortable and safe. A time with your old mentor, Odin Lowe. He can help you feel like that again, but with everyone in the world."

"Everyone? What if I don't want it?"

"Then enough to just function. This is the perfect opportunity for you, my brother. Let us help you. Please, Heero."

The Japanese male looked at the hand again, seeming to weigh his options then looked at the gun in his hand, "Duo gave this to me."

"I know, you can keep it, I just need to know that you aren't going to use it on yourself, and that you aren't going to jump."

Heero nodded, flipping the safety, then releasing the hatch and emptying the barrel and cartilage, holding the gun to his chest protectively. It was all he had left of Duo beside some photos from OZ and the one picture from the Christmas Party. Technically, it was a shot of a couple, but Duo was behind them, smiling and laughing at something that was said to him by someone. They were his most precious possessions, he had them framed and on his desk at home, his gun with him at all times. He hated being away from the longer haired male, but it was what made Duo happy, so he let it be. He wanted nothing more than to be beside him, holding him, maybe, or at least having his friend with him again. Duo was the first person he ever let get close to him, not even Relena was as close to him as Duo was, his best friend.

"You ready to go back inside?" Trowa asked, urging his hand toward Heero again.

Heero sighed, nodding, taking his hand in his own, following as Trowa slid towards the window then climbed through it, helping Heero through as well. Both Trowa and Heero jerked in alarm, and moved back when the on-lookers cheered and clapped happily for the two. The ones not clapping were Quatra, who was holding his head, as if he had a headache, and Une, who was standing there, looking worriedly pissed.

"What the hell was that?" Une demanded from Heero, who was still holding his gun close, now even closer, afraid she would take it away.

"Heero just had a small break down. He should see the therapist with the rest of us." Trowa explained, moving closer, protectively, to the smaller male.

Une frowned, glaring at Heero before she sighed, pressing her finger tips to her temple, "All right. Heero, your gun-"

"Please, I wont fire it, I'll leave it at home but please don't take it." Heero muttered softly.

"A friend gave it to him, it's all he has. Let him have it, Une." Trowa said, "Just set up his appointments, then the gun and the ledge will never be a problem again."

Une frowned before she seemed to give up and nodded, "Fine, but I want a weekly report. Got me?" she demanded.

Heero and Trowa nodded stiffly.]

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero sighed miserably as he remembered that day. He's freaked out because he thought Duo left him on purpose, when in reality Duo had been take away from all of them. He felt horrible for thinking those things about Duo, but there was nothing he could do about it, only move to rectify it. He checked the clock, he wasn't allowed a watch, and turned heading to his appointment with Larium. He walked into the room, not bothering to knock and sat in his seat. Watching as the man finished paper work and turned to him.

"Heero, how are you?" he asked, head tilted.

"Fine, I was looking for Duo. I have some things to give to him."

"What?" Duncan asked, looking at Heero with interest.

"I drew him something, and our friend came to visit me yesterday and gave these pictures of them to me to give to him. He'll love it." Heero muttered, smiling softly as he thought of how Duo would react.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Heero. Duo's sick right now. We had to confine him to his room until he's better." Duncan said, watching the other, who tensed in his seat.

"Sick? Duo's sick? What's the matter with him? Is he all right? Will he be ok? Is there anything I can do for him? Oh, no, his heart's already weak. He can't take a horrible illness." Heero said, sittin gup straighter, shaking.

"Relax, Heero. It's a cold is all, but I don't want him to infect the other patients, or you, so we had to quarantine him for the time being. His therapy will be done the same way, but he can't come out." Duncan informed him, frowning as Heero frowned at him then shook his head, rubbing his fingers through his locks.

"Are you sure?" he asked softly, afraid for his friend.

Duncan smiled, nodding to him, "I'm positive. By this time next week, he'll be completely normal once more."

Heero sighed, looking down, "Ok. I'll hold onto them."

"I can give them to an orderly to give to him." Duncan told him but Heero shook his head.

"I would rather give them to him myself. I want to see his face. I want to see him smile again."

Duncan frowned, watching Heero before he tilted his head, "Heero, why are you so interested in seeing Duo smile again?"

"He's my best friend. That's all I used to see him do is smile, and now, he doesn't smile at all. It's rather depressing."

"Depressing?" Duncan asked, "What do you mean? It's not because of your emotional attachment to him?"

Heero sighed, nodding, "He was always smiling when we were younger. He was the life of the party, and he loved making friends. Seeing him, not like that, its depressing and sad. True, I do have an emotional attachment to him, but it has nothing to do with my want for him to be happy."

"I see. Was he the life of the party, or was that what he wanted you guys to see?"

"I am not sure. I'm sure he showed us what we wanted to see but... even after everything, he was still the same. He was still the Duo I knew. The one that I had grown fond of."

Duncan frowned, watching him before he settled in with his papers and began to ask the usual questions of to the other man, getting the same answers as always.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Heero felt a little more drained than normal walking out of his therapy session. He ran his fingers through his hair for the millionth time today while making a slow pace towards his room. He didn't really understand everyone's obsession with leaving Duo like he was. No one else saw Duo as anything more than what he used to be and what he was now. No one, but him, could think of the ex-Deathscythe pilot as a precious person that needed all the help that he could get.

Trained ears picked up a small clicking sound. Heero, stopping all movements, turned his head to see Duncan moving with purpose away from his office.

'I thought he had other patients after me.' Heero thought to himself, weighing his options.

He could follow the man and see what he was sneaking off to do, but this would run the risk of him being caught, and those stars he was collecting to take Duo outside being taken away. He suddenly felt like a five year-old, not doing something because he was afraid of one of his Special Stars would be taken away. On the other hand, he could ignore the whole event and go to his room, laying down to take a nap. A nap sounded wonderful about now, but his curiosity got the better of him.

Duncan seemed to be going nowhere in the facility. He stopped to talk to nurses here and there, he would do room calls on patients unable to leave their room for some reason or another, and then he would move on. Heero, shaking his head, gave up his slow chase for nothing but his own paranoia creeping up on him when Duncan was suddenly flanked by a couple of the biggest Orderlies in the whole facility. Idly, Heero wondered what the man would want with those two and began to follow them again.

They moved to the Third Floor and Heero watched as the therapist unlocked the door and slipped into the room behind it. Heero watched as the Orderlies waited outside the door, watching it closely before Duncan walked out of it, shaking his head.

"Sleeping." he faintly heard the man say before the door was locked again and the three walked away.

Heero waited for a bit before he was sure that the three were gone. Shuffling soundlessly to it and pressed his ear to the wood. There was silence behind it, and Heero dismissed the notion of anything actually being behind there. Completely dismissing the door, and its contents, Heero took the long way back to his room and curled up in bed. More than ready for that nap.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After two days of Duo still being missing, Heero was beyond worried. He was scared now. He didn't show it, his face still calm and impassive as he shifted through the halls, asking people about his missing friend. He couldn't take not knowing and no one else seemed to know what was going on with the other pilot either. It was like Duo just disappeared from the facility.

After his session with Duncan, Heero saw the man leaving his office again, heading down the same hall with the same Orderlies. Now annoyed, Heero tailed them again, following them, again, to the third floor and to the same door. Heero observed Duncan going into the room, alone, but this time they left the door wide open. Heero shifted, trying to get a glance at what lay beyond the door, but there was nothing that he could see. A loud, agonized scream came from inside the room, making the Orderlies and Heero jerk in alarm as Duncan flew out of the room, slamming the door closed behind him, muttering something under his breath.

The Orderlies didn't wait to be dismissed as they both turned, lumbering down the hall they had come from. Heero bolted into the empty room in his corner, peeking from the cracked door as the two left. He was about to come out of his hiding spot, to see where Duncan was when said man briskly walked past, talking rather loudly and ecliptic on his little cell phone. Once the voice was gone, Heero slid out of his hiding spot and to the door. He pressed his hands to the cold surface then his ear, listening to the soft sobs behind the door.

"*Don't do it.*" a small voice said, one of those little voices that would have a little figure of an angel sitting on one's shoulder telling them what to do, "*We're suppose to be civilized now. Civilians don't go kicking down doors because they're curious.*"

"Kicking. I can pick the lock." Heero growled at the annoying voice, as he searched for something to use as a lock pick.

The hall ways were bare save for the doors of the other rooms. Blue eyes darted around, then began to open half ajar room to see that they were all completely and utterly barren of anything. Then, as luck would have it, the janitor's closet was left open by some idiot. Smiling in smug satisfaction, Heero began to shift through the items. There were no paper clips, or anything else that he could use right off hand. He would have to fashion them. He remembered the ones that Duo had used himself during the war, little silver things that could easily slide and out of that long rope of hair without damaging the braid itself. Absent minded, Heero wondered what happened to those things as he broke off the wire baskets hanging from the cart.

He worked quickly to strip and expose the wires, smiling in triumph as they were ready. It took him the better part of five minutes to finally get the door unlocked, another smug smirk passing over his face when he heard the tumblers trip.

"*Don't do it.*"

That voice was louder now, but he'd come so far already, he might as well continue with the whole thing. Pushing the door open, Heero frowned to see that the room was completely empty and black. He was rather disappointed that he had done all of that with nothing here. Surely, with the way Duncan was acting and that scream, there had to have been someone at some point. Did he miss the Orderlies taking someone out when they passed him?

A small sniffle broke through his thought process, alerting him to the presence in the room. Pushing the door open wider, Heero felt his whole body freeze as if he'd been struck by lightening at the sight of Duo huddle in the corner, sobbing into his knees and arms, shaking in fear.

"Duo?" Heero whispered as he moved quickly to the figure, not even thinking what Duo's mental state could be right now, he took hold of the other's shoulders, recoiling when Duo began to scream like he was on fire.

Heero scrambled away, watching Duo curl more into himself and continue to sob, cry and scream. Shock kept the dark haired male in his place, watching the sorry sight before him. Even when he couldn't remember, and was blissfully unaware of what happened before, he was proud and didn't ever seem to cry about anything, now he was here, sobbing and rocking back and forth.

"Duo?" Heero called softly, making a move to get closer to the boy, only to stop when said boy recoiled from him.

"N-No... Please... Not the dark... Not again... Please. No more!" the last part came out as a screaming sob.

Heero watched him, his anger building with each plea from the young man. With that last plea, Heero was on his feet, bolting from the room.

"*Kill them... Kill all of them... Kill anyone that would dare hurt any of us!*"

He couldn't see. His vision was red, completely and utterly red. He was suffocating. Something was wrapping around his lungs, his chest. Cutting off his air supplies. His muscles burned, ached, he needed to stop running but he couldn't. Not yet.

"*What are you doing? Kill them all! Let no one remain! Burn them! Burn them all!*"

He stopped, finding himself before one of the land line phones on the cement walls, the red dimming from his vision as he stared at it.

"*Don't do it. Just kill them all. Just do it. Do it, soldier. They have to pay for the pain they've caused.*"

Shaking hands picked the phone off the cradle, staring at it. Trained ears picked up the steady tone of the phones connection before it suddenly cut out.

"Heero?"

He didn't move at first, his gaze still on the now silent phone, wondering what happened over the voice.

"*Stop it! Stop it right now! That's not what we need to do!*"

"Heero? Need to make a call?"

Blinking, his gaze turned to the nurse in the hall. He couldn't think over the voice's yelling, it was driving him crazy, he couldn't think straight.

"You know you need to turn in some stars for the phone privileges. Heero?"

He could barely understand what she was saying, the worst part was he couldn't keep what she looked like in his head. He couldn't recognize her, and he didn't care.

"*LEAVE THE PHONE! KILL THEM!*"

Heero flinched when the phone was taken from him and placed back onto the cradle. Red began to swim into his eyes again, his anger building more and more. He felt himself trembling, his chest constricting again as the nurse took a card and slipped it into the phone's base. His hands clenched as she pulled the card from the base, nails biting into his skin. Lunging forward, he shoved her aside, snatching the phone up and pressing it to his ear. His fingers moved deftly while he himself couldn't remember his own name.

"*STOP IT! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING? YOU'RE BLOWING THE WHOLE MISSION!*"

"Barton."

"*Stop it, Heero. Boy, stop it! Listen to me!*"

"Get us out of here. Now!" he heard a strained, dangerous voice growl.

"Where are you?" a concerned voice on the other line asked.

{Where am I? What am I doing here? What's my mission?}

"*Don't do this. The mission will be ruined!*"

"Third floor... It was the farthest I could get. Barton, get me and Duo out of here, now, or else I'll kill everyone in this fucking place."

"Heero? What's going on?" the voice asked, it sounded calm but concerned about him, he had a hard time remembering when the last time he heard such a tone.

"Get us out of here, Barton. You got half an hour or else I'm blowing this place sky high. This is your only warning."

The phone was back on the cradle, his muscles burning again. His stomach felt like there was a fifty foot hole inside it, sucking everything down into it. Consuming all rational thoughts from his mind, the red in his vision returning and all he could do was let it consume him whole.

"*Why did you do that? We could have taken this whole place out. We could have escaped from here, but you had to make a call. Why did you call them?*"

He didn't have an answer for that. He didn't know why he called that number when he could have easily killed everyone and just walked out with who he wanted. He could have made it a mission, he wanted to make it a mission. How he wanted to have a mission again, to feel that rush, that comfort.

"*But you blew it. You wrecked the whole mission. You're worthless. You're nothing. What are you going to do now? You brought this onto yourself! You thought you could get rid of me? You wanted to get rid of me? You can't get rid of me! I am you! You are me! Nothing is going to separate us. Nothing and no one. Do you hear me? You, you nameless little boy, are nothing without me. You are nothing without The Perfect Soldier.*"

{No. I am nothing like you. You are the one that is nothing without me. I have a name. My name is Heero, and you... You are nothing.}

"*Nothing, am I? I am not the one on the floor, shaking like a new born because a weak little slut got scared of the dark.*"

{Shut up!}

"*Just face it, you pathetic thing, he is as worthless as the rest of them!*"

{He's not worthless!}

"*He is and you know it! That is why you are so distracted by him! He's useless and you can't stand lusting after a useless-*"

{Stop it!}

"*Sniveling-*"

{Stop it!}

"*Slut!*"

"SHUT UP!" Heero roared.

"*You know I'm right. Get used to the idea.*"

Heero gasped, breathing quickly and unevenly. His vision fading from the red it had been in, finally he was able to see that he'd walked back to the hall where Duo's prison was. The door was closed now, he must have swung the door closed on his way out the first time. He was on the floor, his legs brought to his chest and his arms around his knees. He couldn't remember getting there, nor did he know how much time had passed since he hung up the phone. The Soldier was quiet now, must have talked himself into silence again. He didn't have that taunting voice in his ear anymore. His body was still tense, and ached all over.

He pressed his forehead to his knees, closing his eyes, trying to calm down but the Perfect soldier's words kept ringing in his ears, making his rage come forth again. He hated that voice, the one that taunted him, tried to force him to kill people, to hurt them. he didn't want to be like that. He wanted to be normal, someone his friends could be around without fear of being attacked. He wanted to be someone that could be a pillar, something someone like Duo could lean on when he needed it.

"Heero?"

He wanted to change. Be human. Why couldn't he be human like the others were? Even the ones that were the most trained were more human than he was. He didn't care what reasons Trowa gave, what he said, he wasn't human, and he wanted desperately to be human. He couldn't remember a time when he was human, or when feelings were something he could easily show. He couldn't remember anything other being cold, emotionless all the time.

"Heero? Heero!"

Why would nothing leave him alone? He lunged forward with a roar that scared even him, fully intent on killing the person shaking him and calling his name. He didn't even recognize the person's face as they scrambled away from him as fast as he was coming. He felt twin arms slide between his sides and arms, hooking under his armpits and pulling him away. A strong chest was pressed to his back, equally strong arms hooking just under his breast bone, holding him securely in place. He let out a deep breath he didn't notice he'd been holding before. The rest was a blur to him. He couldn't remember what happened after he was restrained, only that now he was face to face with someone.

The face. It was familiar. Naturally deeper toned skin, black eyes, and hair. He recognized it, but it held no name to him, no familiarity.

"Heero?" the face asked, the voice deep and steady.

"Wufei..." He heard himself say, his brain catching on quickly.

His name was Wufei Chang. He was a pilot, too. He was with the person he'd called, he had heard his voice on the other line. He felt... safe again. With this feeling, he closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall and relaxing, letting his muscles turned to liquid.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Mr. Winner, you do not understand that-"

"No! You don't understand! We sent him here for a reason, for a purpose. We sent him here to get better, and all you did was send him back into his own nightmare! This is what we didn't want for him, what we wanted to avoid and you forced him into it!" Quatra snapped before he took a deep, calming breath, forcing his rage down.

"But I brought the man back from his recluse. I brought your friend back."

"You forced a terrified, fragile man to relieve a horrible experience and turned him into a responsive, yes, but more terrified man!"

"He's responsive now, and I learned of the tortures he'd been put through in those five years he was a captive. Mercury poisoning explains some, if not most, of is symptoms, and I only learned of this after putting him in that room." Duncan said, his voice getting louder.

"I don't want to hear what you have to say anymore! You either discharge him, or I will sue this hospital for every single last cent that it holds in its funding!"

"Mr. Winner, be reasonable-"

"NOW!" the blond roared, making the man stumble back in alarm, his shocked gaze on the tiny blond then scurried away.

Quatra took another deep breath, long fingers running through his blond hair as he sat down, shaking in his rage. He kept his breathing even until the shaking stopped and he was able to sit up straight again. One more deep breath and the door was opened, Duncan returning and handing over the discharge papers for both of the pilots. Signing them, snatching up his own copy, Quatra stormed back to the hall where Heero and the others were.

Wufei was knelt beside Heero, who was asleep against the wall where he had been when Quatra left. Trowa was still in the room, talking calmly and evenly to the man inside until he came out of the room, Duo close behind him, head bowed and trembling.

"Duo." Quatra murmured, moving forward only to stop when he saw the startled man flinch and shy away from his advances.

Trowa gave Quatra a small shake of his head, showing the small blond that it wasn't a good idea yet. Duo stood where he was, trembling from fear, unsure of what to do. He wanted to run away, but he had nowhere to run to. It was all corrupted, unsafe. He had no choice, he had to stick with these guys, at least until he could stop shaking. As soon as he could understand where he was more, he would make sure that no one could hurt him again, no one could lock him in the dark anymore.