Furry Madness

Part 12


“Uh, hello?” Edward blinked. There wasn’t anybody down here as far as he could see. The paper-covered desk was there, beside an unknown black lump, and a small living area - a ‘bedroom’ - was arranged a little further against the wall. No trace of the alchemist. “Darkness?”

“Nissan,” pointed Al. “I think that’s her.” He went to investigate the black form hanging from the ceiling, pawing at it without claws. “Darkness? Is it you?”

The creature moved abruptly, opening its wings in Alphonse’s face and falling down from the ceiling with a screech. The girl groaned, getting to her feet as fast as possible. “I wasn’t sleeping! I wasn’t!” She winced in fear. “Don’t tell Colonel Mustang!”

“Ow, we won’t tell him,” assured Al from the floor, rubbing his cheek. “You deserve a break. You did really good with the array.”

The girl calmed down a little, a hand on her heart. “Did you find out what was missing?”

Edward was pleased to launch into a detailed explanation. “We think two of your lines should be curved instead of straight. We think you’re losing energy that way. You only have so much energy to begin with, you don’t want to waste any. That’s probably why you couldn’t complete the transmutation on Major Armstrong last night. Or it might have to do with his size…”

The girl nodded and groped around for her fallen glasses before diving for her notes. “Yes, I came to that conclusion as well. I’m only able to do a certain amount of precise work at a time. I think…well Major Armstrong and I came to the conclusion I might have to only do one or two people every few days. This is too dangerous to try if I am not properly rested. And um, I’m sure you two could do it much faster but since it’s my alchemy that got out of control and did this, it’s probably safer that I be the one to undo it.”

Alphonse grimaced. “I’d rather trust you with this. I don’t think I know enough about chimeras to do it myself. It’s not something I ever wanted to study.” The mere idea of playing with animals’ lives made him ill at ease.

“I can do it,” gloated Edward, gold tail swinging. “I’m a genius, I just need a quick biology class and-“

“Niisan,” interrupted Al. “I think we had enough problem already. You’re the one who said messing with other people’s alchemy is dangerous.”

“I guess.” Edward looked momentarily disappointed, ears lowering. He shrugged, his cat’s natural laziness taking over, “Oh well, it’s not my problem either. It’s probably tiring and I have better things to do than fix what other people mess up.”

“Do you think the Colonel will be angry about the wait?” asked the girl, shrinking.

Al and Ed shared a look. “Um, no, I don’t think he minded it after all…”

“If he’s angry, we can calm him down…”

Darkness gave the Elrics a quizzical look, but they avoided her gaze. They may or may not have been blushing lightly.

“Okay, come on, let’s do some work,” finally said Edward. “We just need to calculate a few things.”

Half an hour later, the brothers were giving Mustang a report on the situation, trying to ignore the man’s trouble. There were several holes in the wall and they just might have been the why of the Colonel’s unusual pallor. Well, he was mostly pale, but his left cheek also displayed a red mark with the vague form of a handgun’s cannon. Hawkeye had spent too much time with Winry, obviously. Edward didn’t even think about taunting the Colonel. He had enough self-preservation instincts to avoid getting both Mustang and Hawkeye on his back. Especially if the later was starting to pick up Winry’s blunt methods.

The rest of the crew - Hughes and Armstrong included - were there too, listening carefully. It was a little difficult to speak seriously to a bunch of adults with various animal features – not to mention some of them kept liking their paw or fought not to fall asleep - but the Elrics somehow managed it. The Darkness Alchemist was also there, hiding out behind Alphonse since Edward wasn’t tall enough to hide her.

“So, in short, some people will have to wait a few days. We think three days between each transformation, two people at a time. We can start tonight.”

“Fury first,” said Hawkeye.

Roy nodded. “Agreed.”

“And me! Please,” begged Havoc. The unlucky raccoon was missing fur in several spots, fur that had been pulled out by a certain little girl with too much enthusiasm and strength. No wonder Hughes wouldn’t buy his daughter an animal yet.

“I can wait,” quietly added the bird lady, trying to sound disinterested. More time to fly wouldn’t be a bad thing.

Mustang surveyed the crew. “Fury and Havoc immediately. Farman and Breda next time. They are the ones who cannot function properly like this. Any complains?”

Al and Ed shook their heads emphatically. Hughes merely gave a nod, as did Armstrong.

“Next…Hughes and Hawkeye,” decided Mustang, scribbling it down. “Then, the boys. And finally, myself and Darkness. In two weeks everything should be back to normal.” He ripped the page and held it out to the alchemist in question. She reluctantly came out from behind Al to take it. “Understood? You will be the last to return to normal. Let that be your lesson.”

“Yes sir.”

“There won’t be any other penalty,” added the man, not unkindly.

“Thank you sir…” She left with the boys. They wanted to make sure she would set up the array properly this time. They did not need a second disaster.

“Don’t be afraid,” said Al, noticing her hunched shoulders. “I’m sure you’ll do fine.”

The girl gave him a disgruntled look. “Oh, I’m sure I will with your help.”

“Then what’s bothering you?”

“I’m a bat. Do you know what bats eat? Do you know what I’ve been eating and will have to eat for almost two more weeks?”

“Er, they eat fruits?” guessed Alphonse.

“No my kind apparently. I seem to be mixed with a desmodus rotundus. They’re so small you could crush one in your hand!”

“And the problem is?” demanded Edward, moodily. “You don’t look like you shrunk.” She was still taller than him right now. And he was going to kill her if she said a word, just one word, about it.

“They are also called vampire bats,” explained Darkness. “They bite an animal and drink the blood that oozes out. Their saliva contains a chemical that will prevent the blood from clotting until they’re done.”

It took a minute for the boys to catch up. “…You mean…you’ve been feeding on blood? From who?”

She hunched further, so low she was now bellow Ed’s head level. “Only Major Armstrong offered to help,” she explained miserably. “I think his blood sparkles too!”

Al was immediately sympathizing, patting her shoulder. “You poor, poor girl…”

“My sympathies,” spoke Ed, trying not to look too happy as he patted her head between her long bat ears, briefly. It wasn’t so often people’s heads were under his after all, and if Al got to pat her, so did he. He ignored the look his younger brother gave him.

Footsteps caught up to them. “Alphonse, Edward, I’d like a word with you first.”

The brothers looked at each other, suddenly worried. What had they done?

“Um, I’ll wait for you downstairs!” And the batgirl was gone, leaving them alone with Hawkeye. Edward hissed ‘traitor’ after her.

Alphonse resigned himself, ears low and tail nervously batting against the back of his knees. “Um, sure First Lieutenant. What is it?”

-

The first transmutation was entirely successful, although it left the Darkness Alchemist unconscious. Lack of sleep, said Hawkeye with a harsh look to Mustang. He found himself a seat before she could say the ‘sit’ command.

They more or less reintegrated work on Monday. Alphonse and Edward were on standby, waiting to be turned back before going on any mission, and the other managed not to be too bothered by their condition. Granted, Hawkeye did half her work from the top of her desk and Breda and Farman actually only came in the evening to work late at night, but things were mostly going fine. Everybody just remembered to stay clear of Armstrong whenever he landed on carrots or bananas - or at least to keep a pair of sunglasses handy.

It took two days for Edward to gather the courage to go visit Mustang. He walked in the office on Tuesday, near the end of the day, and stopped in front of the Colonel’s desk with a deep sigh.

“Yes, Fullmetal?”

Edward ears were twitching nervously and Roy wondered if there was a problem. He didn’t have time to ask, because things were hurriedly thrown at him. He almost got hit in the face by a can. He caught both the objects and blinked at them. The can was a can of tuna fish, while the other object was a small hermetic bag that read ‘catnip’.

Edward shuffled his feet nervously. “Well,” he prompted. “Are you busy?”

“Is this a date, Full-“ He caught himself, “-Edward?”

“Alphonse is waiting outside,” grumbled the boy, not meeting his gaze.

“You ask if I’m busy?” Roy smirked and stood to cross the small distance between them to nip at one orange ear and purr in it. “ Certainly not. We still have…seven days or so like this, don’t we?”

“I’m not doing anything with a bottle of champagne,” suddenly warned the boy.

“Mn, I knew you’d kept the pictures.”

“I-“ Ed’s blush killed his attempt to deny it. “Alphonse liked them,” he said instead.

Well, it was true. Ed didn’t even know where the photo book was anymore; Al had decided to ‘keep it safe’. Damnit, his brother was a bigger pervert than he was. It was like Al insisted on being bigger for everything! In size, in perversity, in intelligence, in patience…all Edward kept superiority over was on temper, natural talent for alchemy and a certain member you can’t speak of in public.

“Then we’ll get along perfectly, won’t we?”

Roy paused at the door, a little afraid. Edward gained in confidence seeing the man’s hesitation. “Don’t worry, we made sure Hawkeye wasn’t around. She gave us the talk too…” The boy shuddered at the memory.

The Colonel relaxed and gave the blond a grateful smile. “You’re brave,” he observed as they sneaked out the office.

Their ears picked up curious sounds, which were explained when they reached a broom closet. They could tell who was in there from their scents. Mustang politely knocked. “Havoc, Fury, I’m leaving. Close the office. And don’t let Hawkeye catch you. That is all.”

A very tiny voice answered. Fury’s. Havoc was probably still gaping. “Yes sir…”

Smirking, Roy proceeded on. They found the younger Elric humming to himself, flipping through an oddly familiar album. He cheerfully waved it at Roy who smirked largely. “I like your pictures better than Hughes’. The ones on page nine are interesting.”

Roy smirked larger. “Aren’t they?”

Edward gave one very long glance to his brother. “I’m. Going. To. Kill. You.”

“Here, have some catnip.” Roy shoved the open bag in Ed’s face until the blond started to gibber instead of hiss angrily. “Good kitty.” He reached to scratch behind Ed’s ears and further kill any hint of aggressive behavior.

The orange cat couldn’t even summon half of his usual ‘I’m going to kill you’ glare. “I hate you both.” Then, after a long silence, he added, “Stop scratching and I’ll kill you.”

Owari

-

That\'s the end of the fic itself. I\'ve been meaning to write an epilogue full of kitty threesome pron, and I\'ll get to it one day.