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Star Trek: Gundam	By : makochan0217 Category: Gundam Wing/AC > AU - Alternate Universe Views: 717 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: My co-author and I hold no copyrights to either Gundam Wing or the Trek-verse. No money is made from this. Only fun is had. Suing results in lint and unwanted siblings.

Chapter List
- 11
- 12
Title: Star Trek - Gundam Episode 11 – Trailing Annoyances

Authors: JoIsBishMyoga (JWPname@AOL.com) and Makoto Sagara (makoto_sagara1@ yahoo. com)

Archive: The usual suspects; anywhere else, please ask first.

Pairings: 3x4, 5x2, eventual 1x2x5

Rating: Mature

Category: Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Action/Adventure

Warnings: Shonen-ai, Language, Fusion, AU

Disclaimers: Mako: Oh, we own nothing, not even our own places to live. We are only borrowing the G-boys and the Star Trek universe for play. We promise to return everything the way we found them. We make no money off of this. ^_^ Jo: Although we sure WISH we did... anyways, if you sue, you'll only be able to take the cat. That'll make my dad very happy, b/c she meows all night and scratches up the furniture. Mako: I have a brother I’m sure I could spare, if they’re interested.

A/N: Mako: Blah, blah, blah. Long time, we know. We’re sorry. Maybe. I haven’t decided if I am yet. I enjoy writing, to be sure, but I don’t like the pressure that I -have- to write, so I disappeared to do what I wanted for a while. Anyway, I poked Jo to get this started again. Yeah. Jo: I look like Swiss cheese. T^T owies. Mako: How? Er, you know what, I’ll ask later. Oh, I lost 8 kilos. RAWR! Jo: I'd claim to have lost 8 kilos too, but it's all in gaping bleeding poked holes. So, what are we going to write tonight, brain? Mako: The same thing we write.... No, wait, wrong plot device. *I'm* getting the hell away from Early-eps Relena! YAY! Jo: Oh thank gods. Can we set phasers to "smite upon thee" and begin firing on her now? Mako: Yes, please, please, please! I know that Duo and Wufei will be happy to see her go. So, shall we? Jo: On three! One... two... wait, I have a better idea. Let us start the story, and I'll show you.

Symbols: ~blah~ - either foreign (Klingon/Romulan) or off-screen speech

blah - emphasized word

*~*~*~* - Change of scene

Episode Eleven: Trailing Annoyances

Last time on Star Trek: Gundam – The crew of the Gundam were invited to Relena’s birthday party on Risa. Heero and Trowa managed to ruin the concept of fun by being too logical, but somehow they made it to the beach party with little fanfare. Relena greeted her guests amicably enough at first, but when she became aware of Heero’s status as a newly rescued Borg not in a Federation-run program, her fanaticism began to show. Duo and Wufei were left to put her in her place, much to their irritation, and Heero got a good look at a very slimy man called Dermail with his Orion slave girl. Unfortunately, later, Quatre and Trowa managed to find this Orion girl in a rather steamy embrace with the Ventaxian woman.

~~~~~~~~~

Dorothy sighed as the Ventaxian girl sobbed into her shoulder. Dermail had better be giving her a new pet or something for dealing with this twit. Hiding an inner sneer, she put on a worried look and stroked the girl’s blonde hair. “Now, now, what’s wrong, Relena, sweetie? Did something happen?” Well, obviously something happened. Relena wasn’t usually hysterical from what she could remember. “Did one of those awful men do anything to you? And on your birthday too? Tell Doro everything and I’ll make it all better.”

The blonde girl looked up with large tears spilling from her blue eyes at the green-skinned girl. “Oh, Dorothy! It’s so horrible. I met the most gorgeous creature ever, but he’s a newly reclaimed Borg! And he’s traveling with men that I can only assume are space pirates! They are absolutely vile! One of them is a Klingon and he *threatened* me!” She sniffled, putting her head back on the Orion’s shoulder. “It gets worse. There’s a human in the group too, and he told me that they haven’t even bothered to look into putting Heero – that’s his name. Isn’t it wonderful? – into a Federation-run rehabilitation program! He actually insinuated that I was wrong!” She looked back up into the other girl’s eyes. “I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Oh, no, Relena,” Dorothy simpered, rubbing the girl’s back again. “Those nasty, nasty men are to blame. And I agree that I like the name Heero. It’s very exotic.”

“I just can’t let them drag him around the universe with no socialization with normal beings. It would be too cruel!” Relena rubbed the tears from her eyes and pouted. “But what can I do?”

“No, we certainly can’t let them do that,” the Orion girl answered, her voice sounding miles away. “Besides, who knows what they’ll really do? They might even decide to take him to one of those horrible black market slave auctions…”

“They wouldn’t! Oh, Dorothy, do you think I should call the authorities?”

“Oh, honey, no, they’ll be long gone by the time you manage to get anyone to listen to you about this. Especially at this hour, and on your birthday. Think of the commotion it would cause.” Her tone became a little harder as she looked down at the Ventaxian. “But, my master and I are leaving Risa after your party. How about I try to keep an eye out for this handsome Borg of yours? What does he look like?”

“Oh, well, he’s about five foot, six inches, chocolate brown hair, dark blue eyes, and a very unexpressive face. I believe he might have been Japanese, you know, one of those races from Earth that they make such a big deal out of nothing about.”

“Well, he does sound rather attractive,” Dorothy responded. “Okay, I’ll keep an eye out for him, because you know, everyone ends up running into everyone else at space ports. And even if I don’t see him, I might be able to find news to see if he’s made it into a rehabilitation facility. And, who knows, *maybe* we’ll be lucky enough that even if he does end up at auction, my master and I will be there to rescue him. I can suggest that he be purchased, and then make sure he gets into a good place.”

Relena’s blue eyes were shining with a kind of adoration that Dorothy found repulsive in females, but she squashed it down as she held the other girl. “You’d do that?” Relena asked.

“Of course, Relena, because we’re friends, right? I would offer something more, but I’m not really free to go traipsing after them across the universe, even if I could get my hands on a ship of my own.”

“Oh, no, no, Dorothy, that’s more than enough! I just wish that there was something more I could do!”

“Now,” the Orion said with a sweet smile, “how about we head back out to the party? I’m sure that your guests are worried *sick* that you’ve been missing so long.”

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Duo looked up from his sixth drink in as many minutes and sighed. Slightly buzzed and that was it. What kind of cheap, watered down crap were they serving at this shindig? Draining the rest of the amber liquid, the human searched the area for the party’s hostess. He should probably apologize to the birthday girl for Wufei’s behaviour. It wasn’t like his Klingon was all that socialized either. I mean, Heero had an excuse. Wufei was just kinda anti-social, and he had been forced to attend a party he had no interest in.

He spotted the blond Ventaxian on the arm of a familiar Orion girl and blinked. ‘Odd… I was under the assumption that Orion females didn’t much care for females of other races.’ He watched as they exchanged chaste kisses on the cheek and a brief hug. Then, he noticed he wasn’t the only one watching the scene between the two girls, but he was the only one who wasn’t drooling or looking at their parting with disgust.

One of his hands snaked out to tug on the end of his braid as he debated what he could say to the girl that wouldn’t insult her or her intelligence. ‘I could always tell her the truth, but then I’m no good with tact… Fuck…’ Giving up on plotting anything out, he decided he’d just wing it. As he approached Relena, he noticed she was wearing a suspiciously happy smile. ‘Definitely strange…’ “Hey, Relena, look, I—”

“Oh, Mr. Maxwell, correct?” She was still smiling that stupid smile, but there was a gleam in her eyes that he didn’t really care for.

“Duo, actually, but, I just want to say sorry about ‘Fei… He’s not that bad, I swear. Okay, so he’s a bit of jerk, but he grows on you.”

“I assure you, Duo,” she said his name as if it left a bad taste in her mouth, “that anything Mr. Chang said is a reflection on himself, and not you or the rest of your crew.”

He frowned and eyed her closely. “Yeah, I guess, but I still want to say that I’m sorry if he insulted you or something.”

“I am not insulted,” she replied, looking around her for something. Suddenly, they were surrounded by a mob of Capellan guards. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to make my rounds.”

“Yeah, sure,” Duo said, his mind racing. ‘Something’s not right in the state of Relena World. And what’s up with that Orion chick? I’d better tell Q and Tro about this. Hell, ‘Fei needs to know too. I don’t like this.’ His footsteps quickened with every thought, until he was running his way back to the Gundam as fast as he could.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

~takatakataka~

Wufei gritted his teeth and tried not to picture just how he was going to kill Duo for installing the antique keyboard sound effect throughout the Gundam. How the hell that noise helped anyone think was beyond him. A tiny click every time you pressed a button, not just when a program executed its command... arrgh!

And it didn't even seem to register with the Bor-- with Heero! He just sat there reading Trowa's stupid psychology articles and taking notes as if he wouldn't so much as blink if the console exploded, much less made those stupid little clicks--

~takatakatak--~

"Would you stop that?!"

Heero paused. "Define 'that'."

'Breathing' would be a nice start, but it probably wouldn't do anything to affect him anyway. Borg ships were open to vacuum, weren't they? "That clacking," Wufei snapped, gesturing curtly at the console.

Heero looked down at the console, then back at Wufei. Then he almost seemed to shrug, and the typing started up again. But before Wufei could do more than breathe in to growl -- or yell, or attack, he hadn't decided yet -- the noise stopped. Heero's hands continued to move on the display, but the noise had stopped.

Wufei blinked. He'd... the drone had put the console on mute. ... He'd somehow sidestepped Duo's aggravating security prank programs to do so, but he'd done it at Wufei's request. Command.

... Not that the drone had figured out how to refuse orders yet.

"... Thank you," Wufei muttered anyway.

"The sound was incongruous and anachronistic," Heero replied. "It was not necessary to the process."

Both turned as the door to the crew’s lounge area slid open and revealed a winded, flushed, and stooped-over braided human. “’Fei…~pant~ ‘Ro…~pant~ Where are Q and Tro?” He stood up from his crouched position. “We have a problem!”

"They have not yet returned to the collec-- the ship," Heero said, as Wufei strode across the cargo bay and pulled Duo inside, peering into the Risan night for the usual 'problems'. No drunken men, no gangs of shrieking women (Klingon or otherwise), no Ferengi waving receipts and gnashing their crooked little teeth for blood and latinum... huh.

“’Fei, have you ever heard of a *female* that was affected by Orion pheromones?”

Wufei blinked down at Duo. "... There are a few species where the females aren't negatively affected, so it happens sometimes when one isn't entirely androsexual. And some single-sexed or the feminine-neutral types of many-sexed species, like the Andorian shen, can also succumb to Orion pheromones. Why?"

“Ventaxian twit and that Orion slave we saw… I saw them together, and there was nothing platonic about the look they shared. And I went to apologize to her,” Duo sighed as Wufei grimaced, “don’t look at me like that! I went to apologize, and I… There was just something really *off* about the way she was acting. I dunno how else to explain it, but my gut tells me that all’s not well in the state of Denmark.”

"tHen margh, (1)" Wufei corrected automatically, hauling Duo to the replicator. "Not that there wasn't something off about the Relena in the first place. I wish you'd let Trowa test your psi levels... Raktajino, Duo blend five."

Duo glared at his lover, but took the cup of Klingon coffee as soon as the blue motes of the replicator dispersed. “There’s nothing wrong with my psi levels, thank you. And I don’t do unnecessary examinations… At least not with strange Vulcans.” He smirked into his cup before drinking.

"Uh huh." Wufei stifled at least three possible responses -- he wasn't qualified to play doctor, Trowa wasn't that strange, Duo's psi levels probably weren't human-normal null -- and got back to the point. "So we've established that the Ventaxian is at least bisexual. Oh no, stop the presses, call the subspace news outlets -- hands off the console, Heero, that's sarcasm."

Quatre and Trowa entered the cabin and looked around calmly. “Is there something that we’re missing?” the captain asked, taking in the situation with his crew members.

“Oh, nothing much, Q,” Duo replied. “Except that I saw that Relena chick coming out of a clearing with an Orion female. I mean, that’s just strange, even for her…”

“Well, that would coincide with what we saw earlier,” the Betazoid said thoughtfully. “Although, it bothers me that somehow her being with the Orion made empathy practically impossible.”

"Great," Wufei muttered. "I hate Orions. They're never up to anything honorable... and now one's, what, found a way to enthrall an ambassador's granddaughter and block telepaths?"

"You know, I know I brought this up, but can we maybe get the hell off of this hunk of rock? I'm starting to get a cold chill, and my short hairs are on end," Duo said sweetly.

Wufei cursed. "Heero, come help secure the cargo."

Quatre sighed. "Do I dare ask?"

"Not unless you want to really know." Duo snorted. "Anyway, I'm going back to my engines. Have fun kids!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Four hours after the Gundam and her crew warped out of the Risan system, a small pink starhopper left orbit…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Commercial Break~!

*Duo and Quatre are standing in front of a very pale blue screen*

Duo: In need of medical assistance?

Quatre: Well, our experts at GHOSJ Medical Services care about your cure.

Duo: With the wide range of services, such as psychiatry *picture flashes to H with Quatre and G with Duo*, surgery *another flash of J with Heero*, and alternative medicine *another flash of S hypnotizing Trowa and O using acupuncture on Wufei*, one of our physicians is sure to be able to help you.

Quatre: So, come visit one of our leading healthcare specialists today.

*screen goes black*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Quatre sat on the bridge of the Gundam, hours out of the reaches of Risa, carefully piloting the ship through their course with only half of his brain involved in the process. The other half of his attention was focused on the situation with Relena, the Orion girl, and Duo’s reaction to the whole thing. He turned to Wufei, who was sitting nearby in the only other seat on the bridge, and sighed. “Wufei, can you tell me exactly what happened between Relena, yourself and the others on Risa? Something with less of Duo’s unique flair for dramatics?”

Wufei cast his captain a not entirely agreeable glance. "Heero took one look at the crowd and headed for the beach, which is about the most sensible thing I've ever seen him do. I followed to stand guard," and, he left unspoken, to avoid the party himself. "The Relena shortly blundered in, tried to get friendly with Heero--" exactly how friendly was up for debate, "--and threw ten kinds of Ventaxian fit when she discovered he was three weeks free from Borg and had yet to see rehab. She then promptly decided we're all villains and Heero is a poor waif in her life's story, because that's how Ventaxians tend to operate even when they aren't sheltered and spoiled, and stormed off."

“Wonderful,” Quatre muttered under his breath. “So, I can safely assume that the fact that there is a ship now trailing us is perfectly logical?”

"Yes, it is." Wufei tapped his readout, bringing up a full scan of the ship in pursuit. "That's a Ventaxian starhopper. It's one of the fastest ship models in the galaxy, with extremely strong shields, so we can't outrun it or shoot it out of the sky, but there's no place in the structuring or power grid for weapons. So I've been ignoring it."

The captain brought the other ship up on the large screen and frowned. “I must being seeing things. Is that ship…pink?” He shook his head as he felt a headache coming on. “Please tell me that that is not what I think it is.”

It was almost funny. Clearly, Wufei was punch-drunk on too little sleep. "Ventaxian culture has a very clear system of aesthetics. All shades of red are reserved for unmarried youths; bold pinks are for highborn girls. Guess who's followed us."

Quatre groaned. “What have I done to deserve this?” he swore, and then smiled as he realized that he sounded like Duo right then. “Suggestions would be helpful right now, Security Officer.”

"Can't shoot down an ambassador's grandkid. Can't outrun it. We could capture it, but then we'd have to put up with the Relena on board. There aren't any good nebulas or asteroid belts to hide in. Suggest ignoring it."

“I am beginning to regret ever landing on Risa. Treize owes us so much for this little side-trip.” He stood as he cleared the main screen. “Take over the bridge. I need something for a headache and probably a glass of something a little stronger than wine.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The engine room was relatively quiet, a welcome environment after the ‘fun’ the pilots had ‘enjoyed’ on the Risan surface. When they’d gotten far enough away from the planet, Trowa had taken Heero into the sickbay for what he’d called ‘planetary reactions’. Duo had asked how long the results would take to receive and he’d been calmly told that they would be in when they were and to go back to his job by Quatre.

Duo smiled to himself as the comm near his work area beeped, bringing him out of his musings. As he recognized the hailing signal, his smile grew. “What can I do for you, ‘Fei?” he purred happily.

“You can accept this incoming signal from the Caput,” his Klingon lover snarled. “That SorghwI'(2) woman is demanding to speak to you.”

“You know, she usually refers to you with much nicer terms,” Duo reprimanded gently.

“Like I care… I’m sending it over to you.”

“Thanks, lover,” he muttered.

“I wasn’t aware we were that close, Duo,” Hilde’s happy voice chirped. “I mean, I’m not complaining or anything, but I don’t think Wufei would like to share. Klingon’s aren’t exactly known for that kind of thing, if I remember correctly.”

“Hill, babe, if I was going to leave ‘Fei…” The braided man scowled. “Scratch that. Not happening… Anyway, what do you want?”

“God, you’re so sweet. I have no idea why the other girls just don’t throw themselves at your feet.”

“Because Wufei would gut them before they could blink. Sorry, bad day right now… To what do I owe the pleasure of your unforeseen call, Hilde, dear?”

“Well, Mariemaia wanted to check up on you guys, but Wufei said that Quatre was unavailable, so she told me to ask you.”

“She’s never going to forgive him for that time at the space port, is she?”

“Not any time soon,” Hilde answered with a sigh. “It ended up with Ferengi and some hefty fines. Now, what went down?”

“Howie’ll do it, but it’s gonna cost Treize,” Duo said, frowning as he remembered the conversation with his adopted father.

“Did he mention what terms?”

“Yeah, he gave them to me in a file. I’ll send them over in a second.”

“I’m surprised that you didn’t send them over that day.” Hilde’s blue eyes seemed to spear Duo through the screen. “What else happened?”

“We ended up getting invited to a party while there.”

“Oh, a party on Risa… How fun!” The girl’s smile fell. “But, you don’t look too happy about that.”

“Yeah, well, it wasn’t so great.” Duo related what happened between Relena, Heero, Wufei and himself. “So, yeah, it could have been better.”

“There’s something else, right?”

“Do you know what it’s like to be stalked by a pink starhopper?”

“You… mean…” Hilde started laughing so hard tears streamed down her face. “She’s following you guys?”

“Yes,” Duo growled. “It’s not funny!”

“Oh, you’re right! It’s fucking hilarious! I have to tell the others!” Duo began swearing as Hilde called out to the members of her crew. “Catch you later!”

When the connection was cut, Duo wanted to crawl into a hole in die. ‘The others are never going to forgive me for this,’ he thought before ducking into one of the Jeffries tubes, determined to stay there until the Romulans became a peaceful race.

Notes:
1. tHen margh – Klingon, translation of Denmark
2. SorghwI' – Klingon, saboteur
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