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Drug Trip	By : Zethsaire Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 790 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or any of the characters. I don't make money off this story.

Chapter List
- 12
- 13
- 14
Author's notes: Currently the couples in this fic are 5x6 and implied 3xR (Yes, yes...boooooo and all that.) There will be more in the future but I really don't feel like ruining everything by writing out a huge list of couples. You'll just have to wait! But I can guarantee that if you don't like 1x2, this fic ain't for you!

I would also like to add that I don't condone illegal drug abuse. It fucks up a lot of things for a lot of people...that's kind of the point of this story. Obviously if you DO choose to do drugs, that's your decision and I'm not condemning you by any means, but I'm also not actively promoting drug use with this fic.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the any of the characters, universe, etc. etc. I don't plan on making money of this fic in any way. It is for pure enjoyment and writing practice only! That being said, the writing is still mine, and as a creative concept, it still belongs to me, so please ask before re-posting. Thanks!

Chapter Twelve

Tuesday, April 1st, AC 204, 11 am

Like everything else that was pleasant in his life, Heero's happiness was short-lived. He woke up quickly and violently. Someone he didn't know or trust had opened the door, and just their presence was enough to set off dangerous alarm bells in Heero's mind. Duo was a little slower to wake up, but when the yelling started in, he jumped too.

"Dammit Duo, why does this always happen!" A hurt and angry voice demanded. Heero's sleep-fogged mind recognized it as Demetri's. What the hell was he doing here?

"Do you really hate me that much? It's been less than a day since you broke my heart, and you're already in bed with someone else goddammit."

"I don't hate you, Demetri." A tired Duo replied, an edge of cold anger in his answering voice. Duo's hands clenched in the sheets.

"Then why do you always do this to me? You could at least wait a few days before you go off and sleep with someone else, but you never do! It's always, 'Oh, sorry Demetri, I didn't mean it Demetri.'" Demetri's voice broke, and he sounded like he was on the verge of tears. "And I put up with it, and I always take you back when you finally ask me to. I don't know if you really meant it this time when you broke up with me, but I did. I'm done with this shit, I can't take it anymore!"

Heero had never heard someone who sounded so crushed and defeated in his life. He forced his eyes open and sat up, despite screaming protest from his back. Demetri was standing in the door, a box of what looked like Duo's clothes in his hands, and Duo was sitting up in bed, swearing under his breath and glaring at him. He looked furious, and also a little ashamed. Heero could also see Quatre through the doorway; his face was a hideous mix of emotions, and as Duo and Demetri screamed at each other, he got up quickly and headed towards the door. Heero wished he could join him.

"Demetri," Duo said, not quite looking at him, "I'm sorr-"

Demetri held up his hand, effectively cutting Duo off. "I don't want to hear it." All the haughtiness and anger Heero had seen in him before was gone now, replaced by defeated, slumped shoulders and eyes that shone with tears of betrayal.

"But-"

"We're done, Duo. I hope he's worth it."

Demetri dropped the cardboard box on the floor by his feet. He turned to go, muttering something under his breath that Heero didn't know if he was supposed to hear. "Just be prepared, Yamato. Just because he says he loves you doesn't mean it's true." The door slammed shut behind him.

Duo sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"You broke up with him?" Heero asked, Demetri's accusing words still fresh in his mind. "You said it was going to be fine; you guys were casual. That didn't sound casual to me. How long have you guys been together?"

Duo mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

"What?"

"I said, about four years, on and off. It's not that big a deal."

"How can you date someone that long and have it not be a big deal? Do you guys usually break up like this?" Heero couldn't believe it. They'd been together longer then he and Duo had. At best, they had dated for a little more than two years, if you could call their twisted version of a relationship dating. Duo had been with Demetri twice that, and now he was just blowing it off? Not that he wanted Duo to date someone else, but that just didn't seem like Duo's personality. The guy was loyal to a fault; how could he throw away his ex so easily?

"Not...exactly." Duo hedged the question. Clearly this wasn't something he'd planned on talking about it. He sat there on the bed, avoiding Heero's gaze until Quatre came back into the apartment.

"I'm sorry Duo. He had a key, and he seemed perfectly calm when he walked in. I didn't think – I mean, you didn't tell me not to let him in, and-"

"'S okay, Quatre. Not your fault. He took the break up so well on the phone...I should've known he wasn't alright."

"Duo, you have to be honest with Heero." Quatre had been there while Heero was away, he knew so much more about Duo's life then Heero did now. He'd missed so much by leaving, he was determined not to screw it up again.

"I am being honest! I don't lie Quatre." Duo said angrily.

"You don't lie, but that doesn't mean you're being honest." Quatre replied, his words clearly striking a nerve when Duo couldn't hold his gaze, and glanced away.

"I just...don't like hurting people." Duo said softly. "I want to tell people what they want to hear."

"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" Heero said, irritated that he was so out of the loop in Duo's life.

"Okay, okay!" Duo said. "So, maybe the reason we broke up is because of me. And it's always because of me! I just...have commitment problems, or something. And it's not like you were around, so why the hell do you care? I was with you a long time, and I never left you, even when things weren't like I hoped they would be. So what does it matter what happened while you were gone? You're back and we're together, and who the hell cares about the rest of it? Besides, I dumped him because of you!" By the end of his rant, Duo was shouting. He seemed to realize how heated he'd become, because his face turned a bright shade of red. Slowly he pulled one leg up to his chest and wrapped his arms around it, playing with the frayed ends of his pajama leg nervously.

"You dumped him because of me? Because of...it was because of that night, wasn't it. Duo, you can't let that night keep ruining your life! And I care because you're not the kind of guy to...hurt someone like that. I-I ruined your life enough while I was gone. Don't fuck it up now because of me. Whether I like him or not, Demetri doesn't deserve it."

"Why are you defending him, you don't even like him! He was a total ass to you!"

"Yeah, he was. But if you leaving him was a normal thing, and he found me living with you and then figured you'd leave him for me, I can see why he was upset. Even more so because that's exactly what happened. I don't know what I'd do if I was in his place."

"But it wouldn't happen to you, you idiot! Don't you get it? I loved Demetri, in a way. But I was grieving Heero. You were gone, and I was trying to hold myself together. Demetri was super nice, and kind, and understanding. He liked buying me things and making me happy, and he was crazy about me. But you're the one I fell in love with first, and you're the one I laid awake at night thinking about, and praying that you'd come back to me. And then you did." Duo paused to scrub tears out of his eyes.

"All the shit we went through together, nothing can compare to that. God-dammit Heero, you're the only one I could be with. You're like the other half of my soul. When you left I thought I'd have to settle for less than that, but now...now I don't want to."

"Demetri deserves to know that."

"I don't think he wants to see me."

"I'll go talk to him." Heero said firmly, volunteering himself before he knew what was happening. He didn't particularly want to see Demetri either, but the other man deserved to know why Duo was leaving him. That it wasn't just another fling, and that Duo still cared for him. He knew that if they'd switched places he would want to know. He wouldn't be happy about it, but he would still want to know.

"Are you insane? Why would he want to talk to you? What are you guys going to do, get into a fist fight over me? I'm not someone's bitch."

"I never said you were." Heero replied calmly. He got up off Duo's bed and stretched, wincing at his stiff muscles.

"I'm not going to talk you out of this, am I."

"No."

Heero went into Duo's closet to get changed into something that he could actually wear in Demetri's neighborhood without getting arrested. He decided on a pair of dark blue jeans he'd bought recently, and a black and red graphic tee. Then he pulled his Preventer's jacket on over that. After pulling his hair back, he almost looked like a normal young adult. He could have been wearing his father's jacket, or a thrift-store castoff. And with the long sleeves covering his track marks, he didn't even look like a junkie.

Heero transferred his cigarettes and his throw-away phone into the coat's pockets, and peered at himself in the mirror hanging on the back of Duo's closet door, giving one last effort to bring his bangs under control before giving it up as a lost cause and heading out into the kitchen.

"So, do I still look like a stripper?" Heero asked.

Quatre was brewing himself a cup of tea, and Heero enjoyed the embarrassed look Quatre got on his face. "You clean up well." The blonde admitted.

"Thanks."

"Don't even think about leaving before you drink this." Duo said bitterly, handing Heero his morning protein shake and a hand full of vitamins. "Sally will kill me if you don't take them."

Heero took them graciously, washing down the vitamins with the shake, trying not to grimace at the taste. "Thanks."

Duo hesitated, and then asked, "You sure you don't want a ride?" He asked.

"I'd rather walk."

"Fine, fine, see you later." Duo closed the door behind him. "I think I'm going to go get groceries or something; get out of the house. You have your key?"

"Yeah. Will you be fine here Quatre?" Heero asked, not wanting to leave the blonde out.

"I'm sure I can entertain myself for a day. My manager has been after me to rest anyways." Quatre assured him.

"Alright, I'll see you later, then."

Heero left the apartment, lighting a cigarette as soon as he'd stepped out of the door. His hands shook as he lit it, and he had to suppress a sudden urge for a hit. Now wasn't the time for this; he was supposed to be responsible, to get his shit together. Cornelius had basically told him that, and even though he said he'd always supply him if he needed to, Heero knew his drug dealer really wanted him to quit. How much more pathetic could you get than that?

Even though he knew his urges were going to get worse as time went on, he loathed the thought of them. He was stronger than the drugs. He had Duo now, maybe not as a boyfriend, but they had gotten a lot of their shit worked out, and he was going to do this right, dammit. Starting with explaining this whole clusterfuck to Demetri.

Tuesday, April 1st, AC 204, 1 pm

Heero had no trouble finding Demetri's neighborhood, since it was one of the ones where he hadn't been welcome while he was working on the street. Consequently, some of his highest paying clients had lived here. That seemed to be the way of it; look down your nose in public, fuck the prostitute in private, and pay him extra for hush-up money. It'd been a good way to make a living, anyway.

He looked down at the scribbled note that Duo had given him, with Demetri's address on it. As it turned out, he didn't even need it, because Demetri was outside on his porch swing, head in his hands. He was obviously upset.

Heero looked up the small drive to the porch, and wondered if he should announce himself. This was the suburbs, and there were at least four neighbors within shouting distance. He didn't really want to make a spectacle. So instead, he just put out his cigarette, and walked slowly up the drive. Demetri's car was parked haphazardly in the driveway, as if he hadn't really cared about parking it nicely when he'd come home.

Demetri didn't look up at him, even when Heero stopped about three feet away from him. Awkwardly, Heero cleared his throat. The other man started, and stared up at Heero in shock. His eyes were red and puffy; he'd obviously been crying. Demetri's eyes narrowed at the sight of him.

"What are you doing here? Come to gloat?" He asked Heero bitterly.

"No." Heero said honestly. "I don't really think I deserve to be with Duo."

"No, you don't. You've been living with him for what, two weeks? I've done everything for him for years, and he still drops me for the next fashionable thing."

"Duo's known me for a long time." Heero said sharply, even though he knew Demetri had every right to be angry. "I'm here because I wanted you to know he didn't dump you for some stranger. I don't know why, but Duo loves me. He always has. And I'm finally smart enough not to push him away any more."

Demetri looked at him with deep, penetrating eyes. He looked at his hair, eyes, and stared for a long time at Heero's medal-covered jacket. "You're him, aren't you. Duo's old lover – Heero Yuy."

"Yes."

"You two were in the war together. I never really stood a chance, did I. I was just second best." Demetri remarked bitterly. "Duo thought I wouldn't recognize him. He liked to pretend he was a normal kid and I let him. When he talked about his ex though, I knew it was you. Your disappearance was in all the papers. And I could never mistake Duo for anyone else."

"Duo told me he liked being with you because you made him feel normal. But you knew the whole time."

"I didn't start dating him because of who he was. It's not like I set out trying to date a Gundam pilot. I know he's totally out of my league. A spoiled rich kid like me could never make it with a war hero." Demetri said bitterly, running his hands through his hair in a gesture of helplessness.

"I signed up for the army you know. I wanted to protect people; to be someone other than my father's son. But they wouldn't let me join. I have a heart condition – the pressure from leaving the atmosphere would probably kill me. I've never been to the colonies, and I probably never will. I should have never been able to meet Duo, much less fall in love with him."

Heero absorbed everything Demetri told him, with the distance of someone who didn't really know him, and who could observe his pain without really letting it get to him. But in this wreck of a man, who was trying very hard not to cry in front of his rival, Heero saw what Duo must have seen when he'd first met him. Yes, Demetri was rich and probably spoiled, but he knew that if it weren't for the fate of his illness, he probably would have fought and killed during the war, just like they had. And he acknowledged his upbringing, and honestly tried to distance himself from it. Demetri wanted to be a good boyfriend and a good person, and if Heero had never come back, he probably would have made Duo very happy.

Heero sat down on the porch beside Demetri and pulled out his cigarettes, offering one to Demetri. "I know you're not supposed to have one of these, but would you like one anyway?"

Demetri nodded, and took one. After he'd lit it, he said, "Before I found out about my heart, I used to smoke all the time. It made my parents mad, and my boyfriend at the time was a stoner, so we smoked a lot of shit together."

"I'd can't see you as a stoner."

"And I never thought I'd see Heero Yuy dressed as a stripper." Demetri said, in between drags of the cigarette. "My parents had just found I was gay, and they didn't take it too well. They're super religious, and they sort of have a thing against gay guys. But when I came out it challenged everything they'd ever believed in. There was a lot of shit around the house because of it – my mom defending me, and my dad screaming about it all the time. The divorce papers showed up a few weeks after that. I started dating Ian because he helped me get away from all that. Even though I'm not really cut out to be a stoner, he was cool about it. Duo was like that too. He didn't care if I was rich, he just liked spending time with me."

"Duo is always like that." Heero agreed. "He always did whatever he could to make me feel welcome. I'm not that great with people, but he always was there to smile and say the right thing for me."

Demetri finished his cigarette and snuffed it out under his shoe. "To be honest Heero, I'm almost glad Duo left me."

"Why would you say that?" Heero asked, astonished. He knew Demetri was heart-broken – it was all over his face.

"I'm dying Heero." Demetri told him. "The doctor says I have a few months left, and there's nothing they can do. All the money in the world won't help me now."

Heero was shocked. "Can't they get you a new heart? I know someone who could help you get higher on the waiting list."

"It's too late for that. Even if I got a new heart, it would only prolong the inevitable by a year or two, if my body even accepted the transplant. I was trying to figure out how to break the news to Duo but...now I won't have to. I don't want you to tell him."

"But Duo has a right to know."

"Duo has a right to be happy." Demetri said firmly. "He'd been through enough shit. I'm going to sell him my half of the company and go. There's a lot of places I've never been to, things I haven't seen. I think I'll just travel until I can't anymore. There's no reason to stay around here."

"Demetri...I'm sorry." Heero knew it wasn't enough, but he didn't know what else to say. What do you tell someone who was dying? He'd been in plenty of life or death situations, but they had all been things he could fight, or struggle through. He'd never had to battle illness the way Demetri was.

"It's fine Heero, really. Just take care of Duo for me. Make sure he's happy. I know you two have had problems in the past, but physical touch is something Duo needs. It's how he expresses love – it's how he feels loved. If you're going to take care of him, you have to understand that."

"I do – I will."

"Then good luck." Demetri stood then, and offered his hand. Heero took it gingerly, and helped Demetri pull him up.

"And Heero – thanks for coming to talk to me. It meant a lot."

"You're welcome. Good...good luck on your trip."

"Thank you."

There didn't seem to be anything to say after that, so Heero headed home. Demetri's illness weighed heavily on his mind. He was used to people dying in war, but here, so far removed from the war it didn't seem fair somehow. It was as if someone had decided that he, Heero Yuy, deserved a second, third and forth chance while Demetri lost everything. It just wasn't fair.

Tuesday, April 1st, AC 204, 2:30 pm

When he finally got home, Duo was still gone. Quatre was in the middle of the living room, playing his violin. He had apparently been playing for quite some time – perhaps since Heero had left, because he'd taken his shirt off, leaving it crumpled on the floor and there was sweat glistening on his forehead and his chest.

Quatre played like a demon – he moved his bow so fast across the strings Heero could hardly follow his movements. Whatever he was playing wasn't something Heero recognized. But it was powerful – so powerful Heero had to sit down before he'd taken three steps into the room.

Quatre's empathy was overpowering, projecting the wild feelings racing through him out into the room through the medium of his violin. His emotions were wild and fierce, a blend of anger, sadness, and joy. Strong, desperate emotions whirled around him, so pure that Heero couldn't even put a name to them.

The song went on and on until Heero didn't know if he could even stand it anymore. There were tears running down his face, being pulled out of him that he didn't even know he had in him. Finally the music faded, and Quatre slowed his furious playing. The anger in his music faded, and he took up a slow, haunting melody. The last song had thrown all Quatre's emotions out into the world, and this one pulled them all back in. With each wail of the violin, the intense emotional pressure in the room eased. Heero even felt some of his own pent up pain and grief easing, as Quatre took in the suffering of the world.

With one last, gentle flourish, Quatre stopped playing. He blinked slowly, coming back to himself. "Oh, Heero, I didn't know you were here." Then his knees buckled, and Heero had to rush to his side to catch him. Quatre lay there in Heero's arms, dazed. "Sorry you got caught up in that. I go little crazy sometimes."

"It's alright." Heero reassured him, picking Quatre up and laying him gently on the futon. He took the violin and bow away from him too, and cleaned them while Quatre recovered, putting them back into the violin case.

"It must be hard, not having an anchor." Heero said, sitting on the futon with Quatre.

"It's difficult sometimes." Quatre sat up, motioning Heero to come and sit closer. "Sometimes I get so full of pent up emotions from everyone around me, I have to let it out or I'll go crazy. Before, you know, I had other ways to deal with it. But now I pretty much only have music. It's part of the reason my music career is going so well – I can project through it and really convey whatever the song is supposed to be about. It's a good way to let that out, it helps a lot."

"But you take all that negative emotion back. So it's not really a solution."

"The only way I can really stay sane is with an anchor. But this is the best I can do for now."

"I'm glad I was able to help you, that one time at least." Heero said, referring to Quatre's inadvertent solicitation of him at one of Zech's parties.

Quatre flushed. "It was nice. But that whole thing was – well, I really didn't mean to -"

"I told you before, it's fine. Duo was just hurt because it's hard for me to be sexual without being high. We haven't been able to..." Heero struggled with embarrassment. "I never had sex with him when I wasn't high."

"Oh." Quatre said. "But Heero, you've had so much practice. I mean, is it just because you know him? I find having sex with strangers is always more awkward, but if you feel differently -"

"I never, ever do anyone without being high." Heero explained. "I'm afraid I'll hurt them. It's been what, eight years since the war, and I still can't handle people in my personal space. Even though I trust Duo, I just feel so vulnerable. I know he's not going to hurt me, but all my nerves just can't handle it. I don't know what to do."

"You know, that's not abnormal, at least not in our group." Quatre told him. "You're the only one I've seen Duo let near him without being absolutely wasted. Over time he trusted Demetri, but there was usually still alcohol involved. Personally, I can't do anything with anyone. The emotions are too much for me. You were one of the few exceptions. Even when – when Tro and I were together, he sometimes took muscle relaxers so he could be calm for me."

Heero was surprised to hear Quatre bring up Trowa. A pained look crossed Quatre's face when he'd mentioned the other man. Quatre was staring intently at his fingernails, a distant expression in his haggard eyes. Honestly, Quatre didn't look so good. He'd been putting on a happy face for Duo, but today he looked old, worn even. Quatre was taller than Heero was – not as tall as Duo, but probably 5' 10'' at least. He was much leaner than Heero had thought, seeing him without a loose shirt on, Heero realized Quatre was almost as skinny as he was.

"Wufei told me you all hated Trowa, but you miss him, don't you."

"Yes." Quatre admitted, his eyes full of tears. "So much. It was my fault he left me. I didn't see it at the time – I was so hurt and angry and you were gone, and everyone was so worried and stressed – especially Duo. And I trusted my family then. They lied to me Heero, lied to keep Trowa away from me. What I was doing was shameful – disgraceful to the family. A few hundred years ago, I could have been killed by one of my male relatives for just being with Trowa. They frown upon that sort of thing now, but my family did everything they could to drive us apart. I was the heir – I couldn't be gay. I needed to carry on the family name. Never mind that my entire family are test-tube babies and I could easily still have heirs that way. It was the principle of the matter. Allah hates those who lust after their own sex." Quatre said bitterly. "Even though the religion is so old by this point that most followers have adopted a more open stance on many of the more oppressive practices like homosexuality and women's rights. My family is old fashioned - my uncles, anyways. I don't think my father would have minded."

"Have you tried talking to him?" Heero asked quietly. "It's been a long time, things might work out differently now."

"No, Duo and Wufei wouldn't approve, and besides, Trowa has someone else now."

"What do you mean?"

"Didn't Wufei tell you? He and Relena are dating. She talks about it all the time."

"Quatre, I'm sorry." Heero laid a hand on Quatre's shoulder. Trowa with Relena? He couldn't imagine it. He knew Trowa very well, and knew enough about him to be certain that Relena was not Trowa's type. Trowa didn't have much preference either way when it came to sex, but as far as long term commitment, he needed someone he would trust by his side in combat, someone who would take the time to look under whatever mask Trowa put on, without question. Trowa couldn't be happy with her.

"It's alright. Well, it isn't. But there's nothing I can do about it right now." Quatre said fatalistically. "Hey...Heero. What are you doing for work these days?"

"You know, everyone asks me that." Heero said.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It's fine. I consult the Preventers in security now. Other then that...I still do parties and stuff." Heero mumbled.

"Would you...consider working for me? I have a bunch of shows coming up and I could really use an empathetic ground. It worked so well that one time..." Quatre trailed off, not wanting to actually discuss the sex-with-Heero situation.

"I don't know Quatre..." It had hurt Duo so much, and even though they weren't dating or anything, Heero really didn't want to hurt Duo in any way. Working for Quatre sounded good in theory, but in practice, he just wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"I know, it was stupid, forget I said anything." Quatre said immediately. "I know Duo would flip. I don't know what you guys have, but I don't want to ruin it."

Heero sighed and leaned his head back on the futon, staring up at the ceiling. "Yeah. I...I don't want to screw it up either. Not again."

Chapter Twelve End

Author's notes: Horray! Chapter Twelve! Things are going somewhere now. I've got lots I want to do for this fic, and another fic simmering in my brain. I actually wrote 2 chapters this week; I wrote so much I gave myself tendonitis.

:( But! I will try to continue to get chapters out as soon as possible.

Also! I have a beta reader now! The lovely priscel has agreed to be my beta reader, since she always fixes my mistakes anyways. Still feel free to chime in if we miss something.

Enjoy!

Zethsaire, out!
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Drug Trip