Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

The Road to Kindness	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7934 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 14
- 15
- 16
The Road to
Kindness

Chapter 7

Part 9

�Well?� Trowa barked into the cell phone, pacing on his long
legs as he, Quatre, and Wufei stood at the bus stop. Quatre watched his lover
warily. He was so on edge, reminding Quatre of a wolf that could smell danger
in the air, but didn�t know where it was coming from, but was ready to attack
the invisible danger. He wanted to reach out, to hold his lover and tell him
that it was going to be alright. He would have if he wasn�t so agitated
himself.

�� Duo, where are you guys? Are you
safe?� he thought, feeling desperate, edgy, and completely helpless. Duo and
Heero still weren�t answering their cell phones and it seemed impossible to
find them on foot. Really, even without finding the blood and discarded coffee,
something bad had to have happened to them or they wouldn�t have disappeared.
Duo, at the very least, was very responsible and never would wander off. All
that they could do was wait at the bus stop, hoping
that their missing friends would come back here, since they would have to come
through here to go back to the hotel, and keep trying their cell phones. Trowa,
understandably, was pissed off at those options, wanting to be active until
they found Duo and Heero. When the time had come to call Une and ask if they
might be back in the hotel; if only, they had hoped, Trowa had jumped on the
task. Quatre had never seen him like that before, so much like Heero had been
when Duo had gone missing, twice, and neither him or Wufei wanted to protest.
Trowa was just so tightly wound, it was scary to watch. Quatre was worried
about what would happen when his tall lover finally snapped, because this
wasn�t like Trowa at all and he didn�t know how to deal with it. He wanted to
hug him or hold his hand, just to show that he was there, but he felt like he
was in a closed room with a hornet�s nest, unsure of what to do and too scared
to move.

�� Fuck!� Trowa snarled, closing his
cell phone harshly, �They never checked back into the hotel! What
the hell is going on?!�

�� Trowa kicked at one of the newspaper
machines near them and Quatre watched in alarm as the glass cracked, but
fortunately didn�t shatter. He knew exactly what was going on in his lover�s
head. It was like when Duo had run away from home not too long ago and he had
not taken his medication with him. If Duo and Heero had been kidnapped, Duo
would be in trouble. But, this had happened before and Trowa hadn�t acted so�
wired before. He was just as worried about Trowa as he was about Duo and Heero
and he was pretty helpless on both fronts.

�� Trowa, it�s going to be ok,� he tried
to lie, to soothe. It wasn�t working. Trowa spared him a haggard glance.

�� No, it won�t. You know it won�t. This
isn�t like before. Duo didn�t run away to a town he knows inside and out. He
was kidnapped in a huge, unknown city! If Heero being with
him made any sort of difference, they would have found a way to contact us by
now! And the police won�t do shit because they�ve barely been missing one hour,
let alone twenty-four! How is this going to be ok?!� Trowa demanded. Quatre
didn�t yell back at him, knowing that the tall boy was just distraught. But why? That was the question here. Trowa was acting like
Heero� well, not that extreme quite yet, but he was a far cry from his usual
composed self. Duo did that to people, but Trowa was usually so adept at hiding
it. He put a hand on Trowa�s arm and felt relieved when, instead of shoving him
away, Trowa leaned and seemed to almost melt into the contact.

�� Trowa, what�s wrong? I mean, what�s really wrong?� Quatre asked softly.
Wufei watched this with interest. He knew exactly how Trowa felt, though Quatre
didn�t appear to see it. Something terrible had happened to their friends, but
it wasn�t just that. They had to find
them, because they were guilty. Since childhood, Wufei had been taught about
right and wrong, about what was just, but he had also been taught to hide away
his emotions. Even so, all the emotions Trowa was
exuding Wufei felt deep inside. It was something that Quatre didn�t understand.
They had promised Duo that everything would be fine, that they would protect
him, but in the end� they couldn�t. They had failed. They were responsible.

�� I promised him!� Trowa snapped, �I
promised him,� his voice fell to a haunting murmur. He closed his eyes, his
shoulders shaking, and he slumped onto the bus stop bench.

�� I
can�t promise you that coming home will make that pain better, but I can
promise you that you don�t have to suffer alone.�

�� I
promise you, we�ll keep you safe.�

�� I
believe you.�

��

�� We�re
not going to let anything bad happen, I promise.�

�� He had promised Duo that he would never
be alone, that he would be safe, they would keep him safe. He understood, first
hand, how important that promise of safety and companionship had been to Duo.
And he had broken those promises, he had betrayed his friend. Duo wasn�t safe
anymore, had he ever been safe? They didn�t even know if Duo and Heero were
together. What if Duo was all alone, terrified, and hurting? If anything
happened, would it be their faults, for being unable to protect Duo? They had
convinced him to go on this trip. Of course, it had been easy considering Duo
had really wanted to go.

�� He knew that his and Duo�s
relationship was different than the ones that they had with their other
friends. In some ways it was stronger. They had both gone through terrible
things in their lives and had somehow survived them. They had told each other
things, secrets, that they felt they couldn�t tell
anyone else. Maybe it was because of that, because they had forged a special
bond through mutual pain and inner strength, but he felt protective of Duo. He
wanted to keep him safe and maybe that was a double standard, thinking that he
was more responsible than the others for Duo�s safety, but they didn�t
understand about the promises he had made. He had betrayed the younger boy. He
had let something bad happen to him, he had let him suffer alone. How could he
not feel solely responsible and frantic?

�� I promised him that he would be
safe,� he whispered brokenly. Quatre wrapped his arm around Trowa�s, feeling
inadequate in trying to comfort his lover.

�� We all promised him that,� he
soothed. Trowa broke away from him.

�� That�s not the same!� he protested,
�What I promised him was different! I was responsible for him! If anything
happens� it will be my fault!�

�� How?� Quatre
demanded, �How is it any different from what we promised him?! How are we any
less responsible?! I left them alone! If anything, I�m the one responsible! If you�re going to get this upset, be mad
at me, not yourself!�

�� Trowa shook his head. He could never
blame his lover for this. What if the person that had kidnapped Duo and Heero
would have taken Quatre, too? He shuddered hard. He didn�t know how he would
react if Quatre went missing, too, wondering if that blood had been his
lover�s. He probably would have gone off the deep end.

�� It�s not your fault,� he whispered.
Quatre put his hands on Trowa�s shoulders.

�� Then it�s not yours, either, Trowa,
it can�t be. You can�t be more responsible,� he said softly. Trowa wanted to
protest, he wanted to tell his love about how close he felt to Duo and why he
felt that way, but he couldn�t. He felt ashamed of himself,
after all of these years of loving Quatre so much that he felt like his heart
just might explode with the size of his feelings for the blonde, he was still
too much of a coward to tell him about his past. He was too scared about what
it would mean for their relationship, about Quatre being disgusted in him. He
didn�t care what Wufei thought, he knew that their new friend had changed quite
a bit from when Duo had confided in them. But Quatre was his lover and what he
had to tell him could affect their love lives. Besides, if Wufei scorned him,
he could survive, but if Quatre did it�

�� If
it was someone I loved, I�d want to know everything about him, good and bad.
I�d want to help him.�

�� Duo�s words, ringing in his head, sent a
deep chill down Trowa�s spine. Duo had helped him so much, he had been the
first person Trowa had ever told his secret to and he had accepted him. Now,
that kind, wonderful person was in danger� Duo was right. If, God forbid, it
had been Quatre, he would have wanted to know about it. He would have wanted to
hold him and comfort him, no matter the secret, and Quatre wasn�t so shallow as
to turn him away over something like this, not his Quatre. Duo had had the
strength to tell all of them his dark secrets, why couldn�t he have the same
strength? He sighed. He should have told Quatre years ago, but it had taken a
kindred spirit to teach him that such courage was possible.

�� Quatre, there�s something I need to
tell you,� he said softly. Quatre watched him intently,
silent for whatever he needed to say. He could do this, he told himself, this was Quatre.
If Duo could find the strength to tell Heero, then surely he could�

�� You know how I told you that when my
parents died, Cathy took care of me and has been my legal guardian ever since?�
Trowa asked. Quatre nodded. They had been through this before. Trowa was such a
quiet, secretive person, it had taken him years to
tell Quatre anything about his past.

�� Yes, I remember,� Quatre said in a
soft voice, neither of them paying Wufei any mind, who
was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. With Heero and Duo missing, he was
certainly not going to go wandering off by himself, but he felt that it would
be wrong to eavesdrop on Quarter and Trowa�s conversation, but it was hard not
to listen when they were only a few feet away.

�� Your parents died when you were a
baby,� Quatre recalled, �Your sister was the only parent you knew, but she did
a good job of raising you on her own.�

�� Trowa nodded.

�� That�s right, but there�s something I
never you,� he told his lover. He paused and Quatre didn�t urge him on, despite
his curiosity. Trowa, though secretive, had never outright hidden the truth
from him, but he wanted to give him as much time as he needed.

�� When I was nine, the state took me
from Cathy and gave me to my uncle. He raped me repeatedly,� Trowa�s voice was
oddly solid as he spoke. He wondered if telling Duo first had made it easier,
or if it was just that he trusted Quatre so much.

�� Wufei had been trying to blend into
the background, so Quatre and Trowa would forget that he was listening, but at
Trowa�s confession, he gasped. He had been so shocked that something so
terrible had happened to Duo and now Trowa was saying� was the whole world so
twisted and ugly and he had just been too blind to see it?

�� Quatre made a small sound of pain and
hugged his boyfriend as tightly as he could.

�� Oh, Trowa, I had no idea,� he
breathed, his voice filled with pain.

�� I never told anyone,� Trowa
confessed, �I never even told Cathy when I was given back to her. My uncle went
to jail, but I never told her why. I could never tell you, I was too busy
pretending that that period of my life had never happened. Then, when Duo had
told us all those things in the hospital� it was like the lid was coming off
for the first time in years and I realized that we were so alike. Duo was the
first person I told those things to.�

�� Quatre looked up at him with wide eyes
and Trowa smiled at him a bit bitterly.

�� He told me that I should tell you,
but I didn�t listen until now. Don�t you see now? Duo and I� we�re so alike. We
told each other things, secrets, because we understand what� what pain and
hopelessness feels like. And I had promised him, Quatre, I had promised him. I should have been there,
always, to protect him. He listened to me, understood me, he gave me the
courage to finally tell you these things, and now he�s in danger, all because I
couldn�t keep a promise!� Trowa was silenced as Quatre kissed him sweetly,
without so much as a hint or reproach. Quatre grabbed
his chin and forced him to look him in the eye.

�� Now, you listen to me, Trowa Barton!�
he said in a stern, but affectionate, voice, �What happened to you and Duo is
terrible! I hope that Wes and your uncle burn in Hell for it, but keeping Duo a
hundred percent safe, wrapping him up and keeping him in a cocoon because the
both of you went through some similar traumas, that is not your job! Yes, you made promises and so did we, but we kept
them! We didn�t put him in danger, we did all we could and, dammit, there is
nothing you could have done differently! Duo would hit you if he heard that you
were putting all of this blame on yourself! Your job is to be his friend, your
job is not to blame yourself, but to help us find him and do what friends do,
help each other we need help! Duo needs us, Heero needs, and we need you! Got
it?�

�� Trowa nodded,
his green-eyes wide at Quatre�s speech.

�� Good,� Quatre said with a little nod,
�Now that you�re calm, I need you to call Name.�

*****

�� He looked like hell. No, hell was too
kind. His hair was untamed and wild around his face, just like it had been when
he was a teenager, but he was thirty-five now, too old to look like some rugged
bad boy. He didn�t feel like taking care of it, though. The only sort of energy
he had anymore was an aching anger towards himself, towards Chris, towards Duo,
towards the whole bloody world. With his pale skin and dark circles and tired,
hungry eyes, Wes looked like one of his strung-out junkies and he hated himself
for that. He was a junkie though, and a strange one at that, yearning for the
one thing that was eluding him, the one that that was killing him. He hated Duo
for that. Wes ran his hand through his scruffy blonde hair as he stared at his
reflection in the bathroom mirror, a glass of vodka in his hand that was
already half gone. The larger bottle waiting for him on the kitchen table was
half gone, too. He had started on it when Chris had left. He hated Chris for
that, leaving him all alone in this damn apartment. How the fuck had this
happened?

�� He had had perfect control on his
life; money, people, he had had control, he had been unfaltering, impenetrable,
he had, single handedly, taken down the biggest, most fearsome gang in New
England, there wasn�t a single junkie, pimp, whore, or cop in this half of the
country that didn�t know his name. So how the hell had one scrawny, street rat
whore destroyed that control so completely? How had he turned him into this�
shell, this thing, at his mere
absence? He had had hundreds of whores come and go under his hand, but Duo was
different, he had always been different, form the first time he had seen him,
though he couldn�t figure out why the kid made such an impact on him. He wasn�t
the first sexy thing Wes had managed to tame, but there was just something
about him�

�� The second that he had spotted Duo,
barely old enough to reach past his knee, he had instinctually known that the
brat, if properly trained, would end up quite popular as a whore and he had
been right. Something as pretty and expressive as Duo was hard to come by on
the streets and it was easy to see how someone would be eager to fuck him, but
it had become something more. No, it had always been that way between them. He
had kept the boy at his apartment because he had worried that another pimp
might cross his territory while he had still been training him, but then the
training had been completed and Duo had staid. He had even given the kid his
own room and had allowed him to go to school, to try for an education that he
would never use and to what end? Duo was just a two-bit whore, not anything
more. But he had let him come and go like he was his kid, not just a business
tool. When had that very basic fact changed? Something inside of him had
broken. He had noticed it the day he had let Duo go. That certainly hadn�t been
in the plan. He wasn�t an honest man, but when he made threats, he always kept
them. But he had let him go. More than that, he had told the kid that he loved
him. The truly, truly fucked up thing here was that it was true.

�� With a growl that was more animal than
human, Wes smashed the glass of vodka into the sink, clear shards flying up and
sliding down the drain along with the alcohol, the shards making a high-pitched
clinking sound as they went down the metal pipe. Love� it was disgusting enough
to spit at. Aside from his thin control on his anger, Wes had never been an
emotional child. He had been quite apt at seeing the angles of things, of
finding ways of exploiting everyone around him. He was still good at it, call
it a natural talent. Money, power, sex, it was all the same in the end, as long
as you could get control of the things in your life. When he looked at himself
in the mirror, a stranger looked back at him. He had changed and he couldn�t
see when that had happened.

�� In a physical sense, he had lusted
after Duo the moment he had laid eyes on him and after so many years, the
little things that he liked about the kid, his gentle nature, his grace, his
bright curiosity, and how he fought against him while appearing to be
submissive, those little, not quite physical things had wormed inside of Wes,
like an obsession, an addiction he could only satisfy when Duo was in his
grasp, when they were fucking, when he was touching him, when he was watching
Duo as he slept. Duo had been in that grasp for a very long time, but trying to
keep that hold on the kid had been like having a handful of sand. You could
feel it there, on your skin, but at the same time, you could feel it slipping
away from you. Duo had been like a doll at times, obeying him like the good
little whore that he was, but it had been a lie. Somewhere deep inside, Wes had
always known that Duo was never really his, it was more like he was renting him. That was part of
the thrill of being around him, or having sex with him and keeping him locked
up, knowing that he had to truly work to keep him reigned in. He had thought he
could handle it, that Duo would always be his.
He would give the boy to other men to fuck and let him go to school with
other kids, but at the end of the day, he had always known that Duo was coming
back to him.

�� But it hadn�t lasted, that surety, his
control� It had started with that prick, Heero Yuy, as rich as he was, still
little more than a snot-nosed brat chasing after someone else�s toy. People
like that had no concept of property, but Wes had let him chase after Duo out
of greed. He never should have allowed it. He had seen it in those gorgeous,
violet eyes, a spark of interest in his new �friend�. He should have put a stop
to all of it, the school, Duo�s running around where Wes couldn�t keep an eye
on him, but he had been too cocky. Then, he had run away. He had never expected
that, thinking that Duo had learned to stay on his leash from all those years
ago and the punishments for running away. When he had caught the little shit
again, he should have kept him chained up, but he had missed the boy that he
had been living with for the past eight years. Chained to that bed, Wes had
watched something vital break in the boy, he had seen the light start to go
from Duo�s eyes, and for the first time in his life, he had hurt. For the first
time, he realized that he cared, he loved� Duo had changed him horribly, and
then he had left him all alone in this damn apartment, in his old life that
suddenly seemed so dull and lonely in his absence,
with only faint, sentimental memories as a frail comfort.

�� He didn�t need this feeling, this
desperation and yearning, but he couldn�t shrug it off. He had no strength or
conviction anymore. He was fucking broken and no matter what he did, nothing
was working anymore. This wasn�t him. It wasn�t like him to be� fucking pining after another person like this.
Somewhere in those eight years, Duo had ceased to be a tool for him to use, he
had stopped being just another whore and he knew, even if he could get Duo back
from Yuy somehow, things could never be the same. Their relationship had
changed because Wes had changed and
that was� implausible. The only thing that seemed to be the same inside of him
was his anger. There was a deep, aching hole inside of him that was demanding
that he destroy something, or someone, and one little glass was not enough.

�� He felt dizzy and confused all the
time now, while before he had only felt superiority and a cold sort of surety
over every single one of his actions. It seemed like everything he had ever
believed in was a lie. It had been a good lie, though, something that had
gotten him quite far in life. He had been nobody, but through sheer conviction,
he had risen above it all and had become something akin to a king in the
circles that he ran in. And he had thrown that power in Duo�s face, someone who
had never been impressed or broken by him. Oh, he had been afraid of Wes, and
in Wes� opinion, fear was just as good as respect, but it hadn�t been good
enough. He should have seen that. He had looked at Duo and had thought that
that fear was testament to the control that he had over the kid. But in the
end, it had all been a lie, he had had no more control over Duo than he had
over the weather, he could prepare for it and take
measures against it, but Duo had run away anyway, hadn�t he? He had been
denying that fact for eight years. He had even believed that Duo couldn�t
survive without him, Yuy would throw him away and Duo, after all those years
together, couldn�t live on his own. But, eventually, that illusion had to
break. The brat had gotten under his skin so easily, while the hell would Yuy
be immune to that?

�� Wes slammed the sides of his fists
against the mirror, watching in triumph as huge cracks formed and the bottom
corners shattered, falling on the counter. He could feel the glass slicing his
hands and wrists. It stung, but it felt damn good, too. Physical pain was
something he could handle, and it kept his mind off the weird emotional pain he
had been feeling the past few months. It was like a fucking infection,
spreading and eating away. He even felt jealous of Yuy. He even felt jealous of
Yuy. He had never felt anything so petty, but jus the thought of that Japanese
fuck screwing around with what was his sent him into a rage. Lying was always
something he had been good at, and surely he was good at it, since he had been quite adept at lying to himself.
He had told himself that, eventually, Duo would come back to him, but that
wasn�t true. The boy seemed to be thriving under Yuy�s hand, besides,
he had been surviving on the streets before they had met, barely living, but
still living. Wes had been lying to himself and Duo when he had chained him up
in his bedroom, making both of them believe it was permanent and Wes� actions
had been those of anger and a need to fulfill his punishment, but he hadn�t
been as angry at Duo�s actions as he had been scared of losing the kid. He had
lost him anyway. He looked at himself in the mirror. His reflection was
distorted in the cracked glass, dozens of cold, grey eyes looking back at him.
It made him smirk. That was exactly how he felt, fractured, like there were
hundreds of pieces of himself, all overwhelmed and
conflicted.

�� Wes left the bathroom, leaving the
glass untouched, blood dripping onto the floor, and walked into what had been
Duo�s bedroom. It seemed like years that he had been waiting for Duo to come
back home. He had waited and waited while Duo had been getting cozy and rich
with a story book family. He had watched him, coming and going with Yuy and the
other kids until it had finally hit him that Duo would never come back to him,
even if he wanted to. That was something they both had in common, they were too
proud. It was that sense of what should be, what was right, that had kept Duo
fighting against him. But Wes had already reached his breaking point and he was
too stubborn to let go. He wanted to be angry at Duo, wanted to blame all this
weakness on him, but even he realized that the mistake was his own, Duo hadn�t forced it on him.

�� More than anything, he wanted to put
this behind him, but he knew that such a thing was impossible. Al he could
think about was getting Duo back, so this irritating distraction and emotions
would go away. He couldn�t let duo go. It was more than just his stubbornness.
Some of the emotions weren�t so terrible, it was the way they distracted him
that was troublesome, but the emotions made him feel� alive. Usually, it was
his anger that made him feel that spark of life, but this was different, it was
stronger and more chaotic. He had had no idea that you could hate a feeling and
love it at the same time.

�� He hadn�t touched Duo�s room since he
had left. Chris had called him an ass and had wanted to make use of it,
believing in a way that Wes hade been unable to that Duo wasn�t coming back,
but Wes hadn�t been able to let him do it. Wes took his phone out of his pocket,
flipping it open and entering a phone number, but didn�t put it through,
debating it. He might have been having a bad few months, but he was never a
fool. A few of the men he and Chris did business with had kids that went to
Duo�s school, so the both of them knew where Duo was going to be this week,
then all of a sudden, Chris had business out of state. He knew exactly what his
old friend and partner was up to, the very second Chris had left. Taking care
of loose ends, it was a logical step, and he had let him leave. He could have
easily stopped him, but he hadn�t. There had been a part of him that had been
glad. He couldn�t be logical anymore when it came to Duo and he certainly
couldn�t kill him. The mere thought
of doing so made his stomach churn, him,
who had always had steel nerves and had murdered so many pimps and drug
dealers, witnesses and gang bangers that he had lost ocunt.
He had hoped that, if Chris took care of their one loose end, he might be able
to sleep at night again, he could get over this crack in the road and things
would return to normal. But two days had passed and now, he was screaming
inside.

�� Wes looked from Duo�s bed to the
screen of his phone, his finger hovering over the key pad in indecision. He
growled at himself and his weakness. He stabbed at the �send� button with his
bloody finger, staining the key a brilliant red.

*****

�� He was crying again, he could feel
fresh, hot tears on his cheeks, but Heero couldn�t blink them away or look away
from what was making him cry, he didn�t dare after Chris� threat. The man was
still� inside Duo and with that monster inside his slender body and Chris�
large hand pinning him to the wall, Duo looked so fragile and vulnerable, it
was impossible for him not to cry.
His friend looked like he was struggling just to stay alert. With the growing
puddle of blood on the floor and slash on his neck, Duo had to be in
considerable pain. Heero would have wished for him to finally black out, just
to spare him from the pain and going through the rape if Heero wasn�t so scared
of what Chris would do, or that Duo wouldn�t wake up again. A part of him
informed him that that would be a mercy. They were going to die anyway and he
didn�t want Duo to suffer through this moment anymore than he already had. But
he couldn�t stop holding onto the hope that they were going to survive this.

�� Fuck it, but this wasn�t fair! It was
bad enough that Chris was going to kill Duo, but did his last moments have to
be this nightmare?! It was beyond disrespectful or sad, it was� hell, he didn�t even have a word for how it made him feel! All he
could think about was, not how much of a monster Chris was, but how much of a
bastard he was, all the promises he
had broken, how he had let his best friend down, had gotten raped and, unless a
miracle happened, murdered.

�� I�m
going to save you.�

�� He almost laughed at that. He hadn�t
saved Duo, he had just given him a vacation. No,
worse, he had shown him how wonderful the world could be, he had given him
dreams and hopes, had brought him up from the gutter only to shove him back
down with broken promises and shattered dreams. Dammit, he was worse than
Chris! He had made Duo believe that he could be saved, that his life could be
better, and now, before he had even gotten started, his life was going to end,
not in peace surrounded by people he trusted and loved, but at the hands of one
of the people that had been hurting him since he was a kid.

�� I
promise, I won�t hurt you and I won�t let anyone else hurt you, not now, not ever.�

�� But
that doesn�t make it right! It just makes it worse, but you won�t ever have to
do it again, that�s one thing I can do for you!�

�� In the end, it had turned out that
there wasn�t a goddamn thing he could do for Duo. He had hurt him by being
unable to keep him safe, he had let Chris hurt him because he was so cocky, he
had believed nothing bad would happen. He had let Duo down in the worst
possible way. He had promised Duo that he would never have to give sex away
like it was something cheap, but that was a lie. He had truly believed that the
next time Duo had sex, he would enjoy it. It was that belief that had softened
the dual blows of what had happened to Duo in the past and that, the next time
Duo had sex, it probably wasn�t going to be with him.
Instead, Duo was never going to know what sex was supposed to feel like, Chris
had taken that away from him, again. Heero had taken that away from him.

�� Everything�s
going to be fine, I promise. Nothing can touch you when I�m here, ok?�

�� And yet, here he was, watching and
helpless to do a damn thing. His presence wasn�t helping a damn bit, it was
only hurting Duo more. Nothing was fine, Duo wasn�t safe or protected or happy.
Heero�s stupidity and weakness had destroyed all that.

�I�m not going to leave you alone, Duo,
I�ll never leave you alone, I
promise. Don�t be scared, ok? I�m going to stay right here!�

�� Promise
me.�

�� I
promise, I�ll never abandon you�

�� That was what hurt the worst. Duo had
been so terrified when he had made that promise, so scared that he was going to
be abandoned in the dark. He was scared again and this time, Heero couldn�t
promise him anything, he had already broken all of his promises. He couldn�t
even hold him and comfort him with his physical presence. He had abandoned him.
He was fucking sick, he had left the boy he loved more
than anything all alone in the dark.

�� Not only couldn�t he comfort his best
friend, Duo probably didn�t want his hollow assurances. He probably hated him.
That realization hurt, but no more or less than the realization of all the
promises he had broken or what was happing to Duo now. Considering all of that,
he deserved Duo�s hate.

�� So, tell me, Yuy,� Chris heated voice
broke through Heero�s tormented thoughts like he had been slapped, the fear of
being accused of not paying attention gripping him.

�� Have you two every fucked like this?�
the man asked in a teasing tone. Heero flinched at those words. The accusation
that he could do something like that to Duo made him angry all over again.
Beyond that, he didn�t have the courage to kiss him, let alone make love to
him, and that was what it would have to be, making love, not sex, or it would
just be an act. Heero gritted his teeth, fear making
his heart race as Chris pressed the knife against the cut he had made earlier
on Duo�s neck.

�� Answer me,� he snapped, as though he
was ordering a dog.

�� No!� Heero spat out as almost a
reflex to the sharpness and warning in Chris� voice. Chris chuckled, pressing
himself further against Duo�s smaller body, feeling the teenager shaking
against him, struggling just to stay rooted to reality.

�� It�s too bad,� Chris murmured as he
gave Duo�s cut a small lick, making the boy squirm as the feel of the wet
tongue and his saliva in the cut made the wound sting even more, �He�s so
beautiful like this, when he�s under control and helpless, but still refuses to
admit it.�

�� That�s not true!� Heero snarled,
unable to stop himself from defending his friend, even though it was probably
going to get the both of them killed.

�� He�s always beautiful, and you will never control him! You can�t� you can�t
just control another human being! You just made it so he can�t fight back, but
given the choice, he would never actually do
what you say! He�s his own person, not some kind of� mindless slave! And I
would never do what you�re doing� I�d rather be hard up for the rest of my
life, knowing that no one will ever compare to him, than become a monster like
you, willing to hurt an innocent child for your own pleasures!� Heero screamed
at him. Duo opened his eyes at his friend�s words and voice, his pain-clouded
eyes looking at Heero in shock. Chris narrowed his own green eyes at the
teenager, but instead of being angry at his outburst, he smirked. Duo followed
his movement as Chris pulled out of him, his cock covered in blood and pre-cum,
and reached over to the table, grabbing the syringe he had put there. Heero had
thought that Duo couldn�t possibly get any paler, but as the violet eyed boy
saw the white liquid inside the syringe, he looked as though he had died. He panicked, pushing against the wall as though he could
disappear into it, though moving his legs made him bleed more and it caused him
even more pain.

�� Do you honestly believe that?� Chris
asked Heero, as though he were speaking to a small child, �That no one can be
controlled? That I can�t make him do whatever I want?�

�� Don�t!� Duo gasped out, watching the
needle with a fevered look. His muscles tightened just with the sight of it. He
wanted to beg for it, make a grab for it, his body craved it. He wanted to get
as far away from that needle as possible, wanted to scream and beg against it.
His physical addiction to the drugs begged him to surrender to it, but his
pride and utter terror and memories of what the drugs meant for him would never
allow it.

�� Please,� he begged, �Just kill me!
Don�t use that!�

�� Chris tsk�d.

�� Don�t you want to show your friend
the sort of slut you are?� he teased, loving how Duo�s eyes followed the
needle, but how scared his expression was, �You should be thanking me. You�ve been wanting this, right? Besides, I could just jerk you
off, I�m sure he�ll get the message that way, but this seems more effective.�

�� What is that?� Heero asked nervously,
not sure that he wanted to know with how scared Duo was. Chris� smirk was
malicious, almost evil if such thing existed.

�� I�ll show you,� he jeered. Duo lacked
the strength and the ability to fight back as Chris pulled his head forward and
stabbed the back of his neck with the needle.

�� No!� Heero screamed, suddenly realizing,
suddenly knowing, exactly what the drug was. He remembered his own revelation
in the hospital, what drug Duo had been addicted to, what it had done, both to
his body and his mind, physically and emotionally. He also realized that he had
goaded Chris into this and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

�� Chris tossed the syringe away and
watched as Duo curled in on himself, his eyes squeezed tightly closed and he
choked out a strangled, guttural cry of agony.

�� What did you do to him?!� Heero
snapped, every nerve aching to run to his friend�s aid. In comparison to the
pain Duo was displaying, Heero could no longer feel his lingering headache and
cut up wrists.

�� Relax,� Chris ordered, �Soon he won�t
feel anything at all.�

�� No,� Heero thought in fury, �You just
can�t see it, but he can feel every fucking thing!�

�� Duo seldom talked about his days
chained up and drugged in Wes� bed and Heero knew the mental agony those
memories gave him, but he had told him about KL6, the things it had made him do
and how he had felt. He knew that, once the drug invaded Duo�s brain, the boy
would become a ghost, feeling everything that was happening to him, screaming
inside his head, but unable to physically react to anything. So, he knew
exactly what was going to happen, the second that Chris had injected him, not
in the arm or thigh, but the back of his neck, probably exactly where the
scarred over track mark was, but to actually see it was so much worse than
having the drug�s insidious, nasty purpose dawn on him in the hospital.

�� Duo�s pained reaction ended in
seconds, but to him, it continued, he just couldn�t show it. His body relaxed
even as fire ran in his blood, making him want to vomit, if only his desires
could reach the part of his brain responsible for his physical movement. Heero
watched, horrified, as Duo opened his eyes, only to see how dead they were. His
Duo�s beautiful, bright violet eyes were completely devoid of life, flat and
dull. They were doll�s eyes. He watched as Chris undid all of Duo�s bonds. That
was the final blow to Heero�s hopes. Duo was completely free, he could make a
go for the knife or run to the door, but he didn�t move, made no indication
that he was free. He wasn�t, Heero realized. Chris hadn�t freed him, he had
pulled the chains tighter, making it impossible for Duo to do anything, even
speak out against him. How could they possibly have a chance to survive this
when their kidnapper was willing to sink to such� methods?

�� Chris chuckled again at Duo�s blank
look, cupping his cheek affectionately.

�� See?� he boasted to Heero, �Like I
said, it doesn�t take much to control someone. Isn�t he beautiful? For all of
his screaming and pleading, I can tell him to do anything, and he will. I can
even tell him to suck you off and ride you and he will! So much for your
precious honor! You might as well
have fucked him.�

�� You�re sick,� Heero choked out,
crying all over again. The thought that Chris could make Duo do something like
that made his heart hurt, it made him feel sick all over. Even if he died right
now, in the most horrible way, even if Chris could make Duo have sex with him
and that would be the last thing he did before he died, he would never want it
that way. He could never have it that way. If this was truly the end of his
life, the only thing that he really regretted was that he had never told Duo
Maxwell that he loved him. Even that wasn�t much of a regret
because he knew that Duo wasn�t ready to hear it. Still, dying, knowing that he
had never gotten the chance to kiss the boy he loved the way he wanted to, the
right way. How could he ever want anything less than that? How could he see
this� this situation� as anything more than disgusting? He wouldn�t have had
sex with Duo prior to this, even knowing then what he knew now, he couldn�t have,
and he couldn�t do it now. If Chris gave him that option, to have sex with Duo,
to save their lives, would he do it? He honestly didn�t know, all he could see,
all he could think about, was the happy, affectionate expression Duo had given
him in the museum and in the pool that night, and his dull, dead-eyed look now
and how he would do anything to get his Duo back, to rewind the clock and go
back to the way things had been yesterday.

*****

��

�� He was back in the dark place again.
He supposed that he had always known, somewhere deep
inside, that he was going back there at some point. It was almost exactly the
same as before. He couldn�t move, couldn�t make his body do a damn thing that
he wanted it to do. He could feel things, he could see and think, but he
couldn�t move. It made things so much worse. Now that what little ability he
had to fight back had been stolen from him, Duo could feel, very intensely, all
the things that he had tried to not feel. There were no distractions as he was
locked away from his body, yet could feel all the things that were wrong with
it. He could feel the exhaustion that was overwhelming his body from both
physical and emotional strain, he could feel the pain
in the lower half of his body and the cooling blood on his skin. He could even
feel where Chris had stabbed the needle in and how his neck and skull seemed to
throb in sync with each other. Something in his lower back was pulsing in pain
from Chris� overzealous abuse.

�� Chris had untied him. That was the
final blow to his pride. He knew from experience that the chains would no
longer matter, but there was something about knowing that his body was free,
even if he couldn�t move it, that was so humiliating. He wondered what Heero
made of all this, if he blamed him for being unable to free himself, or if he
just pitied him. He didn�t know what would be worse. He could feel his heart
racing and knew it had little to do with the drug. There was some sort of white
wash going on in his mind and he was struggling to keep the barrier between the
past and this present clear and solid. He now knew without a doubt that if Wes
showed up, something terrible would happen to his mind. He saw and felt Chris
cup his cheek with his hand, but couldn�t even flinch in reflex, couldn�t close
his eyes to find some refuge in being unable to see.

�� Clean me off with your tongue,� he
heard Chris order him. His body didn�t so much as hesitate to follow through
and he placed his hands on the man�s clothed thighs, leaning forward to lap at
his impressive erection. Duo felt almost violently ill at the taste of his own
blood mixed with Chris� pre-cum, but felt himself swallow it anyway. He watched
as his disconnected self swallowed his rapist completely and heard Chris
moaning deeply, he felt his own tongue caressing the length and his throat
working to suck him off.

�� Enough,� Chris barked, �Ride me.�

�� Heero watched in fury as Duo did just
as Chris ordered him to, climbing into the larger man�s lap and penetrating
himself. He watched as a small bit of blood dripped out of him again, but Duo
didn�t even flinch. Duo was doing everything that Chris told him to do, but
there was a mechanical quality to his movements. Duo normally moved quite
gracefully, but he was acting like a marionette, like it was all just reflex.
It was like watching a zombie have sex.

�� See?� Chris boasted,
his voice tinged with pleasure and near laughter, �I�m in control, here, not
him. Duo has never had any free will, no matter what you think.�

�� Suddenly, Chris� eyes screwed shut and
he shoved Duo into the wall again, his body tightening as Duo�s movements
became too much and he climaxed inside the boy. Duo felt, both distantly and
intensely, the sensation of thick cum filling his body and the pain that the
fluid, stinging into his wounds, gave him. He even felt the small pain of Chris
slipping out of him and how the hot semen dripped out of his ass and onto the
floor and the throb of his body as he slumped to the floor, dropping like a
dead weight, but he still couldn�t move or do a thing. He knew from looking at
the syringe that Chris hadn�t given him very much of the drug, but he also knew
that he wouldn�t be moving for at least an hour. A fat lot of
good that was going to do them in the next few minutes. He hated Chris
more than anything at that moment, that he had robbed him of reacting at all to
his death. He was sure that his survival instinct would kick in eventually, but
he still wouldn�t be able to save himself, let alone Heero.

�� Chris panted heavily, cleaning himself
off with one of the towels he had brought with him to clean up the mess he knew
he was going to make, then zipped up his slacks again, but hesitated, still
trying to catch his breath. Shit, but even strung out, the kid had known what
he was doing, his body had moved perfectly. Again, he felt that slight remorse
that he was going to have to kill him. It was inevitable. Duo knew too much
about his and Wes� operation, and he was even living with people that could
cause them mountains of trouble if the truth ever got out.

�� You won�t get away with this,� Heero
whispered hoarsely, realizing that he had been screaming, but couldn�t remember
when or how his throat had gotten so raw, �If you kill us, my Mom will find
you. She�ll make your life a living hell before she kills you! She may not know
you, but she knows about Wes and, eventually, she�ll find out who did this!�

�� Chris just chuckled, not at all
intimidated with Heero�s threat. The kid wasn�t a coward, he would give him
that, but the threats of a snot-nosed teenager were worthless to men like him.

�� She isn�t the type of woman to settle
for anything but the truth, right? She isn�t the sort of person who would just
going around killing everyone she suspects hurt her family. Unless she finds,
without a doubt, the person responsible, nothing else will satisfy her,� Chris
grinned, �But you see, men like Chris and I are a lot different from your
family. We don�t spend our wealth on frivolous shit, we spend it to cover our
asses and keep the people who hate us wondering if it�s worth messing with us.
Did it never occur to you that I would be able to cover my tracks? I have
enough alibis and connections to keep your mother from ever thinking that it
was me!�

�� Heero glowered at Chris. That had been
his very last card, his mother�s power. He, himself, was powerless and Chris
knew it. Duo had insinuated in the sort of things that Wes was into and Heero
had realized the sort of money and power that the man had, so he had never
understood why the man settled for having a mere apartment, but what Chris was
saying made him also realize that, with Wes� activities, he had probably made a
few enemies and he probably used his money to keep a tight control over the
people that could hurt him, instead of on things that were expensive, but trivial.
His heart pounded in his chest as Chris put a hand on Duo�s chest, pinning him
to the wall and pressed the hunting knife back on his throat.

�� It was fun,� Chris jeered, �But I
have a plane to catch and I didn�t come all this way just to fuck.�

�� Heero�s eyes widened as the rest of
him caught on to the fact that Chris was finally going to slit his friend�s
throat. He had nothing else to stall with, nothing he could do or say to save
Duo, to save himself. His stomach felt like it was going to crawl up his
throat.

�� Don�t,� he begged uselessly,
�Please.�

�� Heero wanted to cry again at the look
in Duo�s eyes. He was about to die, but there was no flicker in those beautiful
violet eyes, no attempts at fighting back, even at a base, animalistic level.
There was just nothing. Chris just ignored Heero�s pleas all together and dug
the knife deeper into Duo�s neck, making the slash he had made earlier bleed
even more.

�� The ringing of Chris� cell phone in
the silent room was so loud and sudden and unexpected that Heero thought for a
moment that Chris had brought a gun and it had gone off. It made him jump, but
Chris, fortunately, just tensed. With a feral growl, Chris grabbed his cell
phone from his pocket and opened it with an angry expression. Despite himself, Heero felt himself relax just a tiny bit at the
delay.

�� What the fuck is it?!� Chris
demanded. Heero would have paid big money to hear the other end of that
conversation. He looked shakily at Duo who was still under the influence of the
drug and bleeding anew. He realized that, even if some miracle happened and
Chris spared their lives, if no one came around to free them and get the blood
flow to stop, Duo was probably going to bleed to death.

�� I�m busy,� Chris ground at tersely
and Heero really did want to hear the other end of the conversation because the
man suddenly paled and looked as scared as he and Duo had been this whole time.

�� I understand,� he said coldly, �I�ll
come right away.�

�� With that, Chris slammed the phone
shut and gave Heero a heated look of contempt.

�� It looks like Daddy came to save your
sorry asses after all,� he sneered. Heero stared at him in shock, not
understanding what was going on at all. It was almost as though Chris had been
waiting for that exact phone call and Heero wanted to ask who it had been from,
but he was scared about what was going to happen now. To his utter shock, Chris
only wiped off his knife and put it away, starting to gather up all the things
he had brought. Chris caught Heero�s relieved look and grinned at him.

�� Don�t look so happy. I�m not allowed
to kill you myself, or boss man will do a lot worse to me than what your mother
would, but he didn�t say anything about letting you go,� he said cryptically.
Chris looked down at Duo, who was still looking blankly at the floor.

�� He should come to his senses in a
half an hour,� he informed Heero, �But even if he does, the door will be locked
from the outside and there�s no way in hell he�ll be strong enough to get it
open,� Chris smirked, �He should last about five hours before his body loses
too much blood to function, six if you�re lucky. I was going to be kind to the
both of you and kill you quick. Now it looks like you�re going to have to
starve to death. I�ll give you three to five days. There�s no way your
goody-two-shoes mother is going to find you in this shit hole before then
anyway,� he laughed darkly, �Good luck.�

�� You asshole!�
Heero screamed as Chris packed up the ammonia and towels, then
left the room. He could hear the lock being done on the other side of the door
and realized that Chris had been telling the truth. Any relief he had felt left
him quickly. Duo was losing blood and he was still chained up. Chris hadn�t
left the key, only their cell phones, but what good was that going to do? Even if
there was service, they had no idea where they were, they only had the
description of what the inside of the room looked like,
and if someone didn�t come for them soon, Duo was going to die. At least he
wouldn�t die under that hateful drug, Heero thought, but it was a small
comfort. He thrashed against his bonds, trying at them again and again, but
they stayed strong, just like always. They were just as trapped as they had
been before! That phone call had only delayed their deaths for a few hours. And
he still couldn�t reach Duo. At the very least, he could try to keep him warm
and somewhat comfortable as he bled to death, but he couldn�t even do that!

�� Heero looked over at Duo again, but
nothing had changed. Duo was still under the drug�s influence and despite
Chris� assurances that it would wear off soon, Heero didn�t feel at all
comforted. He wasn�t a chemist or a pharmacist, he had absolutely no idea how
the drug worked or what it would mean if it didn�t
wear off in that time period. In this situation, Heero couldn�t help but
feel lonely. Duo couldn�t speak to him and it felt like he was the only one in
the room, but he still had the responsibility of both of their safeties. He
almost missed the way Duo had been before, even though
all the sounds he had been making had been those of pain, at least there hadn�t
been this terrible silence. Now, with that quiet and Duo�s nearly lifeless
body, it was too easy to imagine that his friend had died. He would have
surrendered the use of his arm just to be able to talk to Duo, to ask him if he
was ok, what was injured and what he was feeling, if he could ever forgive him�
He latched on, almost obsessively, to the sound of Duo�s breathing and the
sight of his chest, rising and falling. Heero couldn�t bear to look at his
eyes.

�� Duo looked terrible. The way he was
sitting, slumped against the wall, was awkward. The position didn�t look painful, it was just no the way Duo would consciously sit.
His back was a little too straight, his arms limp at his side, his legs stretched
out straight in a pose that reminded Heero too much of a doll in a toy store, a
pose that any human would grow restless with and would try to fold their arms,
fidget their hands, bend their knees, but Duo was completely still. It seemed
like a terrible insult that they couldn�t even hold each other as they died. It
was hard enough for himself, but he certainly didn�t want Duo to die alone, so
far away from him. He had had no idea that a few feet could be so� painful.

�� It came to Heero quite suddenly. Duo
was still drugged up, which meant that, while he couldn�t move freely, he had
to obey any verbal command he was given. He could order Duo to do anything, and Duo would do it without
hesitation ,that fact had just been brutally proven to him, it didn�t matter if
Duo didn�t want to do it or not. Heero shivered violently at the thought, but
it was out of revulsion, not anticipation. Maybe, if he was like Chris, he
might have ordered Duo to� do something to make Heero�s last moments with him
pleasurable, but he was thinking of something completely different. He could
order Duo to walk over to him, to make those annoying few feet keeping them
from each other disappear.

�� Heero shook his head at himself. No!
He could never do that! It didn�t matter if he just told Duo to tell him his
name, he would never� use him that way. Heero understood that it wasn�t the sex
that had repulsed him so much, though it certainly had,
it was what the drug had done to his best friend and Chris� readiness to turn
Duo into a mindless slave. He couldn�t even consider doing that to Duo, even if
it was for something good. It was� it was disgusting and he would never treat
Duo that way. Also, he wasn�t sure if Duo should
stand up and walk. He didn�t know how damaged Duo was, and with the amount
of smeared and pooled blood Duo was still sitting on, his body had to be
damaged in some way.

�� Even expressionless, Duo looked so
lost. He still was wearing his shirt at least, though a good deal of it was
covered in blood. The slash on his neck was vivid on his pale skin, but from
where Heero was sitting, it didn�t look all that deep. There were a lot of
bruises, too, one on his cheek, very deep, nasty looking ones on his thighs and
his wrists, alone with bleeding cuts and scraped skin form all of Duo�s
struggling in the metal cuffs. Heero was sure that his own wrists looked the
same way. Heero could see all those wounds, but he couldn�t see the ones that
really scared him, the ones that Chris had to have made when he was raping him.

�� With the amount of blood on the floor,
Heero knew that Chris had hurt Duo internally, but he couldn�t know how much
unless they got him to a doctor, someone who knew what the hell they were
doing. But what was the point of worrying over it? Duo was going to be dead in
a few hours. Sure, if they had a supply of morphine, Heero would have gladly
made sure Duo was comfortable before he bled to death, but it didn�t matter
what Duo�s injuries were, there was nothing he could do to help him. There was
nothing he could do.

*****

�� He couldn�t believe this! Of all the thing he had thought would happen, Wes calling Chris
back to Maine
and actually ordering him not to kill
him or Heero wasn�t even on the damn list! He had thought that Chris had come
here on Wes� orders, or at least at his benefit. Duo couldn�t figure out why
Wes would do that, would spare their lives, unless he was so concerned with
Name coming after him, but Chris had seemed so sure that no one would come
after him for the murder, so why would Wes risk them living and telling the
police? It didn�t make any damn sense! Not that it made much difference where
he and Heero�s lives were concerned.

�� He could feel the cut on his neck,
still burning and bleeding, though not quite as badly as it had been before,
but almost an hour had already passed since Chris had left them to die, and
only now was the bleeding starting to slow. If it stopped soon, he would
probably live at least until he and Heero starved to death, though he already
felt so weak and shaky. If it weren�t for his anemia, he could have survived it
either way. The cut wasn�t very deep, but he was bleeding too much. The
bleeding would stop on its own eventually, and, realistically, all he needed
was some iron, bandages, and some food, but they had none of those things. He
wanted to sleep, so very badly. He understood that it was because of the blood
loss and that shock was trying to settle in. It would be so easy, to just
succumb to it and sleep through his death. It was so hard, staying awake, with
the pain and all his guilt screaming at him. Ironically, if he had been alone
he wouldn�t have that guilt, but if he had been alone, it would have been
easier to let himself fall asleep. �But Heero was still here and he had a much
better chance at surviving.

�� If he could just stay awake until the
drug wore off, he could get to the cell phones somehow. He had no idea where
Chris had taken the two of them, or how long they had been missing. He was sure
that their friends wouldn�t be able to find them on their own, but at the very
least he could tell Name what had happened, he could tell her who she needed to
blame, himself and Chris. Maybe, there was something in the truth, something
that he wasn�t seeing, that would eventually lead her to Heero. If he could
just die believing that� that he could fix things, that he could throw away the
shame of Heero seeing his rape, that he could redeem himself of putting Heero
in danger in the first place by saving Heero, or soothe Name�s fears by giving
her a body to bury instead of wondering� Still, he was sure that someone like
Name would find Heero in time, and Heero was just as stubborn, he would cling
to life no matter what.

�� Suddenly, Duo�s leg jerked, almost in
a spasm, and Duo nearly cried out in joy. Heero saw the movement, too, and sat
up straight, watching his friend more intently than every.

�� Duo?� he murmured, his voice loud in
the silent room. Duo ignored him for the moment, using every ounce of his
concentration to move his limbs. It was like when muscles fell asleep, you could
move, but the pins and needles made every move uncomfortable, awkward, and
slow. It was always hard for him at first, but just knowing that he could move,
even if it was very slowly, gave him enough optimism to try strenuously at the
rest of himself. Back when Wes had used KL6 on him last time, he had been on
the brink of losing his mind and had spent the times that he wasn�t being raped
sleeping in a shocked state, so he hadn�t had to go through this before. So,
when he managed to get both legs bent and all of his fingers flexing on his
own, though sluggishly, he wanted to punch the air in triumph. However, getting
to his feet was something completely different and he didn�t relish the sort of
effort it was going to take. His lower body was already in pain and he hadn�t
moved yet. He quickly realized that there were only a few ways he was going to
manage this, and it would have to be done in one try because his body wouldn�t
be able to try again if he screwed up. Duo truly realized how messed up his body
was when he tried to get out of his sitting position, one that would make the
attempt to stand nearly impossible, by lurching forward and falling on his
knees, only to have a terrible pain shoot up his back.

�� He managed to keep Heero from seeing
his pained expression, but that was the only consolation. He needed to get to
his feet, grab the cell phones, and, somehow, make it over to Heero without
hurting himself too much. If he could get Heero�s shackles off of him, his
chances of escaping would multiply. Chris might have locked the door, and Duo
was definitely too weak to bust it open, but Heero could manage. If he could
get a scrap of metal out of one of their cell phones, he might be able to pick
Heero�s bonds and free him, depending on the type of cuffs. If not, he would
have to get over to Heero anyway. Duo knew he wasn�t going to last for very
much longer, but if he could get one of the phones to Heero, dial his mother�s
number, and put it on speaker, Heero could talk to her where Duo wouldn�t be
able to. But, all those things were faded and dull compared to his need to be
near Heero before he blacked out for good. He had fucked up royally. He had
allowed his old life to hurt Heero, had let Heero see him at his very lowest,
most disgusting point, and if he didn�t fix all of this, Heero was going to
die. But he would fix this, somehow.

�� Maybe it was that blurred line between
his past and his present that allowed Duo to keep going even when he really
just wanted to lie back down, curl up into a tiny ball reminiscent of when he
had been living on the streets during bitter winters, maybe it was his love for
Heero, maybe it was even the terrible guilt that felt like it was eating him
from the inside out, he couldn�t tell, but he somehow managed to find the strength
to take a really scary upward lurch until his feet were flat on the floor and
he stumbled forward a few steps.

�� Heero watched in shock as Duo got to
his feet, only to give out a gasping, pained sound that almost sounded like a
sob. He realized the sort of pain his friend had to be in when fresh blood
literally poured down his legs. The back of his white shirt was stained red
already and his thighs seemed to be drenched in the stuff, but Heero could
still see the new streams that pooled on the wood floor. Duo�s braid� his
beautiful braid was drenched in blood from where it had been pooled on the
floor. Duo�s face was paper white and if it weren�t for the stubborn fire
burning in his beautiful violet eyes, the spark of life that Heero had fallen
in love with and had missed terribly when he had been drugged, Heero would have
thought he was going into shock and on the verge of fainting.

�� Duo, don�t!� he cried, realizing that
his friend was actually planning on walking towards the cell phones. He was in
too much pain and Heero knew, he knew a bit too much, that there was something
wrong with Duo�s insides with the slanted, almost collapsing, way he held
himself, as though it was taking every ounce of his limited energy just to stay
on his feet. Besides, what good would it do? He didn�t want Duo to be in
anymore pain, but the boy seemed to be completely ignoring him as he took a few
scary-looking, awkward, pained steps towards the table where their cell phones
were.

�� Duo, dammit, stop walking!� he yelled
at him. This was not what he wanted to be doing, getting angry with his friend,
but he was, he couldn�t stand that Duo was putting himself in that sort of
agony for something that wouldn�t help them at all.

�� Duo would have growled at Heero if the
white wash in his head hadn�t grown so large, it threatened to swallow him
whole. He had no doubt in his mind now that Chris had hurt him, badly. When he
had stood, he had felt something inside tear a little bit more and now he was
bleeding again. Every movement felt like utter agony and he realized that his
body was starting to go into shock with the pain, but he couldn�t stop. He
wouldn�t let himself to stop. When he got to the table and his hand fell on his
cell phone, Duo had a frightening moment when joy and relief filled him and,
for a second, his body had almost given in at the completion of the small task.
It was only the realization that he had managed to get one of his missions done
and that, if he fell now, there was no way in hell he was getting back up, that
kept him standing. He scooped up both cell phones in his hand, his stomach
dropping at the thought of scuffling over to where Heero was tied to the bed
leg, and the fact that Chris had only left the cell phones on the table. Inside
his head, he cursed the man to Hell and back for being so meticulous he hadn�t
even left them a towel so he could try to stop the bleeding.

�� But it didn�t matter, he told himself.
His entire existence had narrowed down to one thing, like the light at the end
of the tunnel, or a speck of blue in a sandstorm: he had to get to Heero.
Beyond that, any other higher thought process was impossible. He was fading
away and he knew that, but with the pain he was in, and his body�s growing
weakness, it seemed impossible just to focus on that alone. It was only a few
feet away, but by the time he managed to get to the bed, it had felt like he
had run ten miles with weights on. He barely made it at all. As soon as his
body realized he was close to Heero, all the strength left him. He cried out,
feeling as though his strings had been caught, as his legs folded underneath
him and he fell to the floor, mere inches away from Heero�s legs. His only
consolation for the swan dive was that he was graceful enough to angle his body
so that he fell on his side instead of his hands or his head.

�� Duo!� Heero
screamed as he watched him fall, terrified that his best friend had finally done
more than he could handle, but in his near-dead heap, Duo lifted up his head
and with a determined look that Heero had only seen in war movies, the
longhaired boy used his elbows to inch forward, giving one last lurch to land
head and shoulders into Heero�s lap. Heero reflexively folded his feet to give
Duo more comfort than the hard wood floor. The boy was shaking so hard, it was
like he was having a seizure, but he didn�t fall unconscious or throw up. In
that moment, seeing Duo cling to consciousness by his fingernails, refusing to
let his exhaustion and pain let him fall asleep by sheer force of will, Heero
felt his heart clench with a blissful heat and he fell in love with Duo all
over again. He had heard the expression, but had never put much stock in it. Still,
looking at Duo�s stubborn, brave expression as he tried to regain control over
his shaking body, he felt exactly that way. Duo was amazing� that was all he
could think. He was on the verge of some sort of emotional and physical
breakdown, but he was still fighting where so many would have given up.

�� I�m sorry, I�m sorry,� Duo gasped,
his face pressed into Heero�s pants. It was the first time he could confess his
guilt. If this was as far as he got, if he died and couldn�t free Heero, he
wanted him to know how sorry he was for this fucked up situation.

�� Baka!� Heero
snapped, his panic over the sound of Duo�s voice making him revert to Japanese.
He seldom ever did it, but it rolled out of him now like it was the most
natural thing in the world. Heero took a deep breath, trying to reign in his
overwhelming feelings. It didn�t matter, Duo was here,
with him. His heavy warmth in his lap was so real, and that was all that mattered.

�� Just take a deep breath,� he soothed,
wishing in frustration that his hands were free so he could caress Duo�s hair
in the way that always seemed to relax the both of them. Duo shook his head
frantically.

�� G-give me a
m-m-minute,� he took several shallow breaths, trying to will the pain and the
tremors away as best he could. This was going to be pointless if he couldn�t
even get a grip! He needed steady hands if he was going to free Heero and use
the cell phone, but his body was at its very limits and he didn�t dare so much
as close as his eyes.

�� I�ll give you a damn hour if it makes
you feel better,� Heero growled. His eyes widened in alarm as Duo started to
cry.

�� Hearing Heero�s voice, feeling his leg
under his cheek, it was Duo�s undoing. To think, he had almost died without
feeling this one more time� it was worth the pain he was feeling right now,
more than worth it.

�� It�s alright,� Heero said in a soft
voice, �It�s going to be ok.�

�� The words came floating out of him
automatically, even as Heero cursed himself for making even more false
promises, but it seemed to work. Duo�s muscles relaxed enough for him to reach
around Heero and feel at the cuffs binding him.

�� Fuck!� Duo cried out as his fingers
examined the lock. He pressed his face against Heero�s stomach, trying to hide
his tears as frustration made them flow easily.

�� What�s wrong?� Heero asked warily.
Had Duo hurt himself more?

�� I can�t� I can�t get it�� Duo gasped
out, too weak to even lash out in hopelessness, �I mean� I can� Dammit, if I
was stronger, I could..!�

�� Deep breaths,� Heero reminded him
gently, realizing that Duo was on the verge of a panic attack, �What�s wrong?�

�� Your cuffs,� Duo choked out, his
heart pounding in his chest in an insane rhythm, �I thought I could pick them
if I took apart one of the cell phones. I can,
but I need a good deal of force to open them and I� I
can�t� I�m too weak�� Duo thought he would die of shame admitting that. He knew
the lock mechanism, living with Wes, he was familiar with all sorts of locks,
but he needed a downward force to undo the lock, and he was too weak and the
angle he was lying at was all wrong�

�� It�s ok,� Heero repeated, �You tried.
Can you get at the cell phones?� Heero worried that Duo might be so bad off, he
couldn�t even flip them open, but Duo nodded and opened his own cell phone,
turning it on, making the both of them suffer with the overly cheery tone that
the phone made every time it was switched on. He bit back a sob as he read the
screen.

�� There�s no service,� he said in a
devastated tone. Heero felt like crying himself at that fact. The phone fell
from Duo�s shaking fingers and he collapsed completely into Heero�s lap.

�� Oh, God�� he choked, his body
starting to shake a little more at the strain, �Heero� I can�t� I�m so tired��

�� There was nothing he could do, he
realized. His body realized that, too, and seemed to be demanding him to just
give up. Heero�s body heat was just so comfortable with the sudden terrible
chill he felt. If he imagined, he could feel Heero�s hands on him too easily.

�� Ssh,� Heero
comforted, �Go to sleep, Duo. I�ll wake you up every thirty minutes until�� he
choked on what he couldn�t say.

�� He watched as Duo finally fell asleep,
too tired to try any other half-baked plan either of them could come up with
and Heero was glad. He couldn�t stand watching him struggle anymore. He just
hoped that he could wake him when the
time came. He realized that he had no way of telling the time, but decided to
just guess at it. He bent forward as much his back let him, lying to himself
that he was holding his love in his arms, and he waited for a miracle that he
knew would never come in the cold and silent room.

End Part 9

�
- 14
- 15
- 16
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Road to Kindness