Merc

Warning: Not beta'd, not even proofread. Read at your own risk. Other warnings...well, read to find out. I like surprises.

Trowa's POV
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My fist struck his cheek and knocked him to the ground. Instantly, his guard kicked in and he had his hands up to defend himself, but I had backed up a step, showing I had no intention of further attack. I dropped my head, still able to see him out of the periphery of my vision in case he decided to counter my attack.

I had already taken a lay of the land, any surrounding obstacles, my oversized, Oz-issued parka from Antartica had been dropped only a few yards away in my haste to throw a punch. It was the only thing that might trip me up if Heero and I had to scuffle some. My hands were still in fists at my side, anger surfacing in my body’s actions. “I thought you had at least enough respect for me not to use my suit as a tomb.”

He held his hands up in a surrender-like gesture as he stood. Heero paused a moment as he processed my accusation. He couldn’t look at me as he responded. “Zechs was the better pilot.”

“Bullshit. You had the shot, and you didn’t take it.” My eyes were glued to his face despite my hair hiding my own from him. It didn’t matter; he still couldn’t look me in the face as he tried to sell his lies.

“I hesitated.”

“You played defense, Heero.” I guess that gave him a handle because he met my eyes this time.

“That’s a legitimate strategy.”

“Not when its life or death, not for three hours straight. You were fighting for hours and you only went on full offensive once. You can lie to me all you want, Heero, but we both know you went into that battle searching for death. You still have my pistol, just swallow the barrel and let’s both be done with it.” I could feel bile rise in my throat with the thought, but I was done watching him seek death.

His hand moved toward the gun, then hesitated, head dropping in defeat. “I can’t.”

“Do you want me to do it?” I reached out, palm open and waiting for him to give my gun back.

That hesitation made my heart tremble in my chest. He shook his head, negating my question and relief filled me, but I let him see none of that. “Then get off it, Heero. I’m sick of your attempts at passive suicide. You screwed up, yeah. We all did; we started a war. Now your choice is to die a failure or live and try to fix the mistake we made.”

I said we intentionally. It was mostly his doing; all the newscasters blamed the pacifists’ deaths on him, but the sensors read ‘Oz’ on that shuttle. Any of the gundam pilots would have shot it down. He was just faster on the draw. I was hoping my use of the plural would help swing his decision the way I wanted it to go. I was going to be a bastard, hit below the belt, but if it kept him alive and gave him a will to live, so be it. “You’ve obviously chosen death. Sylvia Noventa was right to call you a coward.”

His eyes lit up, fire flaming through him at me, but I didn’t back off. “You are. You’d rather look for some way to attempt to validate your death to yourself than find the courage to fight a losing battle against an unstoppable organization like Oz.”

“I’m not a coward.” I was gritting his teeth.

I ignored his comment. “That was why the families of the pacifists didn’t pull the trigger. It wasn’t because they didn’t want revenge, wasn’t because they didn’t want to see you die, it was because they were sentencing you to life, Heero. They wanted you to live with your mistake, live and try to correct it. But you put no value to that; you just found someone else willing to hand you the death you so desperately want.”

“Trowa.” He sounded a little apologetic, maybe even surprised by my outburst, but then there was a change in his demeanor. “You don’t want me to die.” It was almost an accusation.

I just looked at him, giving nothing away, but the sarcastic side of me wanted to comment on the obvious. I didn’t spend a month tending to his wounds if I wanted him to die.

“You want me to live.” He translated, then expanded. “You care about me.” Another accusation.

If there was information I didn’t want known, you couldn’t pry it from me. Battles, hardships, life had forged me into steel. And despite the fact that we had determined each other to be a friend, despite the fact that I had traveled with him for the better part of two months, I had never made the connection. As soon as he said it, I knew it was true. But until he said it, I hadn’t thought enough about it. I never really put relevance to my cares.

His words caught me completely off guard, and I felt surprise paint itself across my face. That was a better admission than if I had fessed up of my own accord. I had no inkling of how to respond; I had never been so caught out in the open.

“That’s not allowed.” Heero’s face had shut down the moment he saw my admission. He stalked towards me, and I felt my heart rate accelerate expecting physical repercussions.

“I know.” I forced my hands to my sides. Any punishment he dealt out would be borne without defense. I was a soldier, and soldiers were not supposed to have a tether. When you fight against a ruthless enemy such as Oz, having any weak point, especially a weakness as easily killed as another human being, was unacceptable. I trusted him to help me become less vulnerable, whatever means necessary.

I felt his hands clench in the front of my shirt, but couldn’t bring myself to look at the fist I knew was coming. I deserved it for letting someone through my guard, I wanted it, to help build my walls back up. But it never came.

Just as my eyes opened, his lips met mine, and the world as I knew it shattered. My body stiffened, and I didn’t know what was happening. There was force behind his mouth, so when he opened it, I either followed his lead or let his teeth cut my lips. When his tongue entered my mouth, I felt my body tremble.

I was in a tailspin, falling out of control with no rudder or flaps to stall the landing. This wasn’t right, this wasn’t what he was supposed to be doing, this wasn’t helping. But my body didn’t care. It had been over two months since I last found my way to the streets in search of sexual release. I had been so preoccupied with anxiety over Heero’s deathwish that I hadn’t even realized.

I was viciously reminded now as his tongue swept through my mouth, as his body pressed against mine. The tension still hadn’t left my body, and I had responded only to let him past my lips. His hand clutched the back of my neck, and I was at war.

There was a survival instinct that reared up at the potentially deadly situation. There was my usual aversion to touch of any kind. But there was also the fact that I trusted Heero. He had been my friend and companion for months. He had betrayed my trust when he sought to make Heavyarms his personal coffin, but that didn’t matter because he had never inflicted his deathwish on me. He had actually tried to convince me, in his own way, not to follow him to Antarctica.

Subtly, he was trying to protect me by sending me from him, in the same way I was trying to protect him by standing beside him. We were both fools. And I realized then, with him pressed to me, that we were in the same trouble.

He cared for me as well.

Heero pulled back, and I found myself following involuntarily. “This didn’t happen.” His voice is deeper than normal, breathing heavily, eyes scanning my face for something.

I couldn’t tell you what it was saying, because I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. “I know.”

He pulled me back to his mouth hard, lips slamming home, but I met him halfway and gave as good as I got. It was like those words released me. The stiffness in my limbs washed away, my hands came up and gripped his arms. He flinched, and I remembered about his injury, the broken arm I tried to treat repeatedly, the broken arm he refused to let heal properly. Anger flashed through me, fuelling my own aggression, one arm wrapped around his waist pulling him flush against me. The other hand gripped his uninjured arm and guided him backwards.

We were only a few feet from Heavyarms’ leg, a few steps and his back was pressed against gundanium.

We were fools, turning to each other for release under the pretense of nothing but release. If it was truly nothing but sex, why did the need for secrecy exist? Because we both knew it was just pretense.

We fought for dominance then, my mouth meeting his, my tongue invading and twining with his. I was in unfamiliar territory. Sex I knew, sex I was familiar with, but I had never kissed another, never let anyone close enough to my head and neck to lay lips across my flesh.

But Heero had his hand on the back of my neck, gripping the hair there, his mouth on my lips and, when we got a little too aggressive, on my cheek. I had to fight the instinct to grip his hands and pin them above his head so he couldn’t touch me. It was a habit too long ingrained, but I refrained.

In truth, his hands felt good, hard calluses rough against the back of my neck, the pressure of his grip knotted in my shirt.

“I need…” That tone was unbearably sexy. His hips rocked against my body, he was hard. Yeah, I knew what he needed.

I palmed his length, hard in the black spandex he wore during his battle with Zechs; he groaned and rocked his hips again. I was enjoying the expression on his face; his lips were parted, panting, his eyes glazed but watching me. His hands, deadly hands, began pulling at my clothing. “I want you naked, Trowa.”

“Too damn cold for that.” But fuck, I wanted that, too. My jeans were way too tight for how hard I was.

We were out of the reach of Oz, but we were still at the ends of the earth, still below freezing when the sun goes down. Our breath fogged the air when we spoke, there was no way we were both getting naked and still getting off. A man’s pride tends to retreat in this kind of cold.

My hand slid down into his shorts and gripped his cock. It was hot and jumped in my hand as he cursed. “Shit, Trowa!” My hands were so cold against his heat; a spurt of sadistic pleasure shot through me as I felt him shiver under my ministrations.

“My mouth is warmer, would you prefer that?” My voice was fierce and aggressive as my mouth dragged against his ear.

He groaned and thrust into my hand; I took that as a ‘yes’ and dropped to my knees, peeling his shorts down and dragging them off his ankles. This was familiar territory for me. How many times had I been in this situation when I roamed the streets? How many times had I reveled in the fact that all would take was a flick of my wrist and my blade would spill their life across the ground, and them above me oblivious to everything but sensation.

I could do the same. I could funnel pleasure through him, make him cum fast and hard, and send him on his way, just like the others. A sharp pain hit me in the chest as I realized that I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to send him on his way; I wanted to keep him near to me.

I understood him like no other, and he understood me. Because he was me, and I was him. And there was no other in the universe that came close.

The thought made me slow my pace, drawing my mouth backwards, letting my tongue slide slowly along the ridge. Heero gasped above me, and cold fingers gripped the top of my head, tangling in my hair. I drew off him, and watched his body flinch as the cold air met his wet cock. “Do you want to end this now, or do you want more?”

It would be easy to loosen the fastens of my jeans, slide my hand in and get off to the feeling of Heero Yuy fucking my mouth. I stopped and took notice then. This wasn’t another faceless man, this was Heero. His cock was shorter than mine, but thick. I’d have some difficulty getting my fingers completely around it, and his balls were dark and tight to his body due to the cold. There was very little hair at his groin, just a fringe around his balls, but that should be surprising because there wasn’t much hair on his arms or legs, and he shaves his face half as much as me.

“This is all we have. I want everything tonight.” His voice was deep, strained, and his fingers were pulling my hair, pulling me back towards his quickly cooling shaft.

This time I shivered, and it wasn’t from cold. My mouth took him down to the root, opening my throat to his reciprocating thrust, and my hands slid back over the flesh of his ass. I wasn’t sure what he was wanting, but I knew my preferences. I was no bottom, but if it was that or walk away, I’m pretty sure I would do it.

This was Heero. If there was any man worthy of topping me, it was him.

But that didn’t mean I wanted to. I slid two fingers down from his tailbone and put pressure over his opening. “This?” I gasped around his shaft.

He pressed back against my fingers, and I nearly sang when I heard him hiss his response. “Yes.”

“I don’t have any lube with me; there will be pain.” I felt like I had to warn him.

“I have a high pain tolerance.” He rocked his hips forward. And I almost laughed at the obvious statement.

I let my breath warm him. “But we can make it easier.” I swallowed him whole and concentrated on his shaft, bathing it with my tongue, hollowing my cheeks, and letting the head slide down my throat as far as it would go.

Heero cursed, and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer. One finger pressed inside, shallow, dipping the tip in and out with the rhythm of my mouth. The other hand began kneading his balls. Heero sucked in a hard breath and stilled.

It was the only warning I got before my mouth was filled with warmth. I pulled the finger from his ass, sucked it and another into my mouth, and returned it to its previous home. I held his load on my tongue, tasting him. Waiting.

I slid one finger in deep, pumping; he rocked into me, trying to draw me deeper. He wanted me in him, and that turned me on so bad. I was rock hard in my jeans despite the cold. My eyes flickered from his face, twisted with passion, to his cock, twitching and trying to return to full.

A second finger pushed in deep, as I ran the tip of my nose, cold from the weather, along the flesh of his groin. He jerked back then groaned as that forced him harder onto my thrusting fingers. I tormented him just a bit with the cold of my nose and the heat of my breath since I couldn’t open my mouth just yet.

Finally, I couldn’t take it any more. The taste of him on my tongue, the quivering of his stomach from my chill, how tight his ass was, the way he groaned and thrust back against my hand…it was all too much.

I knew it was a little too soon, but I felt like I was about to burst. I stood, and Heero helped me pull my jeans to my knees. I used his seed to slick my cock, missing the taste immediately. I felt Heero hook a knee around my waist as I gripped my cock and pressed against his entrance.

Lights exploded behind my eyes as I pushed inward. Heero’s hands gripped my arms hard, but I kept pressing. He was so fucking tight, and I could feel him clenching around me. His body squirmed against the cold metal behind him, and gasped as I reached the end of him, my balls setting tight against the flesh of his ass.

Waiting as long as I could, my mouth found his again. He thrust his tongue back into my mouth and wrapped his other leg around me as my hands gripped his hips.

I couldn’t wait any longer. I pulled back and slammed my hips home, watching his face carefully. His blue eyes rolled back in his head for an instant before he started meeting my thrusts. Fuck it was incredible. I felt like my body was on fire, and it burned hotter and hotter with every thrust.

But the angle wasn’t quite right, I couldn’t get as deep as I wanted. I gripped one of Heero’s legs and manhandled it until it was over my shoulder. The first thrust made him cry out, and his entire body convulsed in pleasure. Perfect. Now every thrust went as deep as I was able, his body rebounded between my force and the unforgiving metal behind him.

I made him mine, legs spread and clinging to me, pulling me into every rock of his ass. He clenched tight around me, his cock rubbed against my stomach, leaking and angry against me.

His body went rigid and he gasped hard. I gripped his hips and pounded into that willing heat as deep as I could, but my rhythm was faltering. It was too good, and my body shuttered. Static gripped my balls and spread upward, across my back and thighs, up my arms and neck to my scalp, then exploded into lightning that echoed through my spine. Heero cried out again and my voice joined him as I fell over the edge. My hips kept going, I could no longer control them.

I felt Heero’s second climax splash against my chest and abs. I could barely catch my breath, and my throat felt like someone had sandpapered it. The cold air and my gasping breaths had wrecked havoc, I just hadn’t realized it until now.

Heero still had his legs around me; I was still inside him, and I was very sorry this was over. I knew I was leaving tomorrow. Hell, he probably knew it as well. But for the first time in my life, I felt tied to something.

I didn’t want to go.

I wanted to stay right here. I wanted to be here; I wanted to be Heero’s. Shit.

Bad. Very bad.

I had to leave. I pulled out, let his legs down gently before pulling my pants into some semblance of order. His eyes were intense. He knew. My hand hovered over his cheek, wanting so badly. Fuck! I kissed him hard; this was my goodbye. My hand buried itself in those thick dark strands of hair, and I pulled him tight to my mouth. He let me for a moment, pliable beneath me, before he joined in just as fiercely.

I pulled back gasping. “This didn’t happen, can’t happen.”

He nodded. “You’re leaving.”

My breathing was still uneven, but I couldn’t still my raging heart, couldn’t calm my respiration. “Yeah.”

“Where are you going?” I shouldn’t tell him, but I wanted to.

“Space. I’ve got a score to settle.” Vague, that was what was needed, but I couldn’t leave it at that. “I’ll contact you and let you know the sector by email.”

He nodded. “Goodbye, Trowa.”

“See ya around, Heero.” I flicked a wave to him before climbing into Heavyarms. I felt my breath leave me, and I was shaking all over. I had been stripped bare in his body, and I had no idea how to cope with it. I sat in the security of my mecha and dealt with it as I always did: setting a target and destroying it.

It was time to repay Treize Khushrenada his deceit, only my debt will end in his death or mine. Perhaps both.

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Lord! I debated and debated and debated whether these two would come together in my version of the series. I went back and forth, but the sex won out. I'm a little ashamed, but still completely turned on by this chapter. Hopefully, it was realistic between these two. And I hope you enjoyed it, were surprised and seduced by it.

But there was a sadness I wanted to convey, too. Him denying himself something good. Did you get that, or was I too focused on the smut? Please let me know! Ugh. I'll answer reviews on my author's page within the next 2-3 days.

I hope you enjoyed it. Hugs and smut to my sexy reviewers, and Happy Halloween.

A