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Surrender	By : YojiKato Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 839 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of its characters. I only own the original characters. And nobody's paying me to write this.

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Mission complete... After that, normally there's a party of some sort, depending on how big the mission was. At least a cheers to a job well-done. Everyone is supposed to relax and pat each other on the back. Not this time. While there is some relief at having the three of them back, it's overshadowed by their conditions.
Ronnie will definitely make a full recovery, but she's almost as malnourished and dehydrated as Heero is, due to the fact she'd taken less of the meager food and water than she'd given to them. It was a testament to how sick they were that neither had noticed. Trowa will live, but it's up in the air right now as to whether or not he'll regain full use of his left hand. He's also malnourished and dehydrated, and suffering from that infection. And, of course, Heero is much worse than he had been. It's hard to celebrate when everything is so touch and go.
I watch Quatre listen intently as he's told they have to stop treatment until Heero puts on at least ten pounds. That there were several tests they needed to run to check the progress of the chemo. That perhaps a rape counselor should be brought in because, even though it hadn't come to fruition, he had been sexually assaulted and held against his will. Quatre nods, taking it all in.
And I marvel at his strength. The blond's looks are definitely deceiving. He's not frail or weak. He's tenderness and compassion wrapped around steel determination. Had it been Lu in Heero's place, I'd be a mess. I glance to Duo and Wufei and can tell they're thinking the same thing. I admit, this has to be harder on them. I may be their friend, but the five of them have a bond as strong as gundanium.
******
Quatre nodded slowly as the doctor informed him that once Heero was strong enough, they'd transport him to the hospital near where they lived. “Can I see him?”
He nodded, taking in the group behind the small blond. “No more than two or three in the room at a time. Wear masks and keep your hands sanitized.”
Quatre turned, pulled a mask from the box by the door and held his hand under the sanitizer dispenser before disappearing into the room. Duo and Wufei looked to Zechs and Noin. She smiled.
“You guys go first.”
“Thank you.” They grabbed masks and cleaned their hands before moving into the room. Duo froze as Heero came into sight. Somehow he looked worse than he had earlier. His face was deathly pale except for the shadows under his eyes. He looked frail and small, swallowed up by the sheets on the bed.
Duo had never really considered Heero's size. He'd always been so strong, it didn't seem to matter that he hadn't reached 5'5”. Now he looked almost like a child, a weary, beaten, dying child.
Heero's eyes fluttered open and landed immediately on the blond holding his hand. “Hey.”
Quatre smiled and Wufei couldn't even fathom the strength it took to do that. “Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Tired. How's Trowa?”
“He'll be all right.”
Heero dragged his eyes to Duo. “I can't tell you how glad I am you held on to that locater,” he said in a breathy whisper. “Thanks.”
Duo nodded, sure his voice would fail if he attempted to use it.
Heero tilted his head to the side, looking from Duo to Wufei and back again. “What's wrong?”
Duo swallowed, unable to stop the tears that shone in eyes, although he did keep them from falling. “How can you ask that?”
“Come here.” Duo moved to stand by the side of the bed and Heero reached out to grip his hand weakly. “Not all of this is because of the cancer. Trowa and Ronnie lost weight, too. I was just at more of a disadvantage due to the chemo. Once I get some weight back, we'll start treatment again. It's a set back, Duo. Not the end.”
“I want to believe you. Oh God, how I want to.”
Heero nodded a frown forming between the bare skin that used to hold his eyebrows. “Duo, not matter what happens, I'm here.” He raised a hand to Duo's chest. “I'm here.” He pressed his other hand to Quatre's chest. “No matter what, I'll never really be gone as long as you don't forget me.”
Wufei closed his eyes. “Damn, Heero, don't go all philosophical on us now.”
Heero chuckled softly, but kept his gaze firmly on Duo. “As far as I can see I'm going home as soon as I can get on some weight. This isn't the end. Okay?”
Duo took a breath. “Okay.”
Heero smiled. “You need to get some rest.”
Wufei put his arm around Duo's waist. “Come on.”
Heero settled back to the pillows and gave the pair a weak smile. “See you later.”
Wufei nodded and pulled Duo out of the room. As soon as they were out of the room, Duo turned and folded his arms around Wufei. “I can't do this again,” he whispered.
“Heero isn't Solo,” he said just as quietly. He looked over Duo's shoulder to Zechs and Noin. “Be prepared.”
Duo was silent as they left the hospital, intending to go to the hotel Une had booked for them. Duo waited as Wufei hailed a cab and sat silently in the back seat once he'd been put in it. It was so unfair, his mind kept reminding him. How many people did he have to lose? Sure, in all fairness, the last six or so years had been relatively pain free, but if he knew anything, it was that bad bred bad. Once you lost one, two or more were soon to follow. The cabbie switched to an oldies station and one of the most heartbreaking songs he'd ever heard filled the car.
“Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?

Forgive my broken promise that you'll never see me cry.

And everything, it will surely change even if I tell you I won't go away today

Will you think that you're all alone

When no one's there to hold your hand?

And all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary,

Rest your head; I'm permanent.”
Duo closed his eyes, reaching blindly for Wufei's hand. That's what Heero had meant. Permanent. Even if he did die, he would live on. But... Duo didn't want him to die. 'Oh, God, please', he prayed silently, 'spare him.'
“I know he's living in hell every single day

And so I ask 'oh God is there some way for me to take his place?'

And when they say it's all touch and go I wish I could make it go away.

But still you say:
Will you think that you're all alone when no one's there to hold your hand?

When all you know seems so far away and everything is temporary,

Rest your head; I'm permanent.

I'm permanent.
Is this the moment where I look you in the eye?

Forgive my promise that you'll never see me cry.”
Wufei glanced away from Duo's face as the song ended and the braided man wiped at his eyes. He'd never seen Duo cry before and he didn't want to embarrass him. Not that there was anything to be embarrassed about. The song had definitely struck a chord. It fit too perfectly and Wufei prayed it wasn't some sort of sign.
He couldn't help wondering what would happen if Heero did go into remission. He was still high risk for illnesses due to his body's lack of defenses. Wufei feared what the future held for the Japanese man. Was he doomed to waste away from one illness to the next until his body just gave out? He shivered at he thought.
“Fei? You all right?”
He looked back to Duo. “Yeah. Just thinking.”
Duo held his gaze for a long moment. “Love you.”
“I love you, too.”
******
Zechs peeked into the double room Ronnie and Trowa were sharing, it was the only way the staff could get the woman into a bed. He dragged his eyes from her sleeping form to see Trowa awake. He moved to sit in the chair by the bed.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better than I was, but I'm pretty sure that's thanks to the painkillers.” He licked his lips. “How's Heero?”
“Resting. They ran tons of tests and he was already pretty exhausted.” He grimaced. “The bone marrow test was the worst. They're waiting until he gains back at least ten pounds before they'll start chemo again.”
“Isn't that dangerous?”
“It would be more dangerous for him to get weaker.” He glanced to Ronnie. “She's worn out. They tried to get her to the OB wing, but she wouldn't leave you.”
“She's a good woman.”
Zechs smiled. “Yes, she is.”
Trowa shifted his bandaged hand. “You wouldn't happen to know what they said about this, would you?”
Zechs stared at it a moment. “Total truth?” Trowa nodded. “The tendons were severed... with the length of time between injury and treatment, and due to the infection... they did the best they could.” He took a breath. “They're not sure how much movement you'll still have.”
Trowa released a soft breath. “I figured as much. What about Marks and Harding?”
“IA is involved. You'll be questioned about what happened, but we're off the case.”
“I don't really know anything. We were just kept as security against Heero. He had some information Marks wanted. I guess... when he couldn't get it, he decided to get something else out of him.”
Zechs shook his head. “It was made clear to Heero the first time he talked to Marks that he wanted him. Somehow he saw Heero on that mission we had in Arizona. I don't know how, I never saw him there.” He grunted. “Anyway, he's been pining for him ever since.”
“Why didn't Heero tell us?”
Zechs shrugged. “Probably because there wasn't anything you could do about it. I doubt he would have wanted you to be more worried than you already were.”
Trowa closed his eyes. “I was careless, Zechs, and because of that Williams was killed and Heero was hurt.” He grimaced. “I'd promised myself I'd never hurt him again.”
Zechs brows drew together and he tilted his head to the side. “Again?”
Trowa flushed. “I hurt him once, a long time ago. Not physically, but... it took him a long time to get over it.”
“I wasn't aware you were at odds.”
Trowa covered a yawn. “We weren't. He was hurt, not mad... but he had every right to be.”
Zechs was somewhat curious as to what had happened, but it was obvious Trowa needed more rest. “Get some sleep.”
He nodded, almost halfway to unconsciousness. “Did love him,” he mumbled. “Jus' not the way he wanted.”
Zechs stepped out of the room, shocked. Had Trowa been the straight guy Une had referred to Heero being with? He tried to imagine the two of them together, and, in some weird way, he could picture it. That is, if Trowa was gay. He couldn't figure out how the situation might have come about, but he couldn't exactly say he would be surprised. Heero was definitely one of the sexiest people Zechs had ever met.
“How is he?”
He turned to Noin. “Asleep again.” He folded Noin into his arms and kissed the top of her head. “I remember once when Heero told me that all of humanity was weak, including himself. But weak is the very last word that could ever be used to describe them.”
TBC....
A/N Song is Permanent by David Cook.
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Surrender