Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Uncertainty and Pride	By : TristaML Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1864 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own DBZ or anything of the sort and I make no money from writing this piece of fanfiction

Chapter List
- 16
- 17
- 18
Chapter 17
Kakarot was sleeping, still in recovery, and he was dreaming- or something similar- as his consciousness became aware of where he was, regardless if he was awake to see it for himself. He knew that he was in one of the healing tanks and that there were people coming in and out of the room pretty consistently. He also knew that Vegeta was near at all times. He could sense him, specifically, just like Goku could do. Something inside of him has changed, now that he’s become a Super Saiyan, he can perceive things that much clearer.
He always wondered why he had such a strange ability to be able to tell when something was wrong with his family or his friends. He attributed it to Goku’s abilities, as well as his father’s influence on him mentally. At the thought of Bardock his thoughts began to turn.
“Father,” Kakarot murmured to himself inside of his mind, “Why did you have to go?”
Then there came an answer, followed quickly by a forming vision, and Bardock’s voice said, “Kakarot…”
“Father?!” called the son, confused for a moment, but as he blinked in his mind he could see Bardock now, clear as day in the darkness of his mind.
“Yes, my son,” Bardock smiled at him. “Do not be sad. I need you to be strong. You are strong, are you not?”
“Father, I, I have so much to say,” and at that confession Kakarot began to cry and no words would come out.
“Hush, child,” Bardock said, still smiling, and Kakarot stifled his tears as best he could and listened, “It is I who have something to say: I am proud of you, so proud of you. You have fought through tough trials and decided what type of man you would become, and you became a man of righteousness and good will. There is honor in that worth more than anything you could ever own. I know that you will continue to be a man of goodness and with your sense of justice and peace, along with the strength which you carry, you will make your world a better place.
“Do not think for a second on my absence without a smile on your face or joy at our memories. It was my choice to go. Tell Raditz I said so, please, though I think that both of you are smart enough, and you would have figured that out on your own.
“I am happy, for you see, I, too, have accomplished my duties in life, those things which were laid out for me to do before I had ever learned to speak, and my task is done, and now that I am home, I have also found my great love. He is here with me and we are finally together. Be happy for me, Kakarot, as I am happy for you, and I would hate to see you upset while I am not!”
“Father,” Kakarot, who still found that there were a few tears left to shed, began to laugh, but also, he choked up, and then Bardock was gone.
Kakarot stirred for just a moment, and then he fell back out of semi-consciousness and slept peacefully.

Hours later Kakarot finally awoke, although his machine has not yet initiated the draining sequence, he feels fine, great even. He looked around and found that Vegeta has already been healed and gone off somewhere, but he is not alone. Raditz is asleep in a very uncomfortable position on the chair just outside of the tank. He is clearly waiting for him to wake up and Kakarot smiled at his older brother. The beeping on the machine began, which marked the draining sequence, and it stirred Raditz out of his slumber. After the fluid was gone, Kakarot began to emerge from the pod as Raditz sat up and, upon awareness, he ran to his brother, gripping him tight, not caring about his wet clothes. For a long time, no words were said between them.
Kakarot eventually let his brother go, desiring to change and get some food regardless of their heartbreak. He smiled at Raditz and said, “I talked to him.”
Raditz’s eyes widened and he could only listen intently.
Kakarot said, “He told me he’s proud of us, Raditz. He wants us to live on.” The vision which came to Kakarot in his mind as he healed had such an impact on him. As his father told him those things, he began to understand everything so much more acutely, and a paradigm shift took place in his mind.
Raditz, who has been sleeping off and on for some time now, could admit he’s felt a certain comfort come over him in these more recent hours, and in spite of his anguish, this is the first time that he has woken up with renewed spirits and a lightened heart. He simply has too much going on to give in and sleep his days away. Especially after everything that Tora told him yesterday, there is so much to think about and, luckily for him, even more to plan for. He only nodded at his brother, though he wished to say more, for he had dreamt of Bardock, too, then he let the last of his tears fall down his cheeks.
Kakarot’s stomach growled and Raditz smiled at him and laughed. He said, “Let’s get you something to eat, little brother.” There was nothing else for them to say to one another at the moment. Raditz was told to keep Tora’s presence a secret for now and he took great pride in the joy he knew Tora’s company would bring Kakarot once they were reunited.
As Kakarot left the chamber room heading towards the cafeteria, he felt as if he didn’t have time to think. There were so many people, new faces in the castle as well as old, and every Saiyan who saw him either saluted him, too afraid to speak with him, or hollered at him their thanks and their praise. Not a single Saiyan passed him without their acknowledgements. Kakarot wondered at the scene, and began to grow curious as to where Vegeta could be at the moment. Why wasn’t he there to greet him when he woke up? He couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing, but he was too hungry to let his thoughts linger for long on anything in particular for very long.
He was greeted warmly in the dining hall, having been expected, (as per the King’s intuition,) and a great feast had been prepared for him, or so he was told, because there was no food ready for him there, much to his disappointment. He was told he wouldn’t be dining as a commoner, but instead he was ushered directly to the King’s personal dining room, where Bardock had first broken bread with Vegeta some time ago.
Raditz was not surprised by his King’s choice, having discussed how this would go earlier in the day, and he followed his brother there. Kakarot fully expected to see the King. When they arrived, however, the King was nowhere to be found, but there were plenteous amounts of food, and many servants stood by eager to feed their hero. They urged him to sit down and Raditz joined him, and the brothers ate until their hearts were content, as the servants would not stop offering them the delicious foods. Raditz had long since finished when Kakarot exclaimed he could eat no more.
The servants happily cleared the plates while Ivony and Jetome stepped forth from out of nowhere and ordered Kakarot to follow them. He noticed the smirks on their faces. Raditz disappeared at this point in time, but Kakarot was much too engrossed with them and the thought of seeing Vegeta to think anything of it.
As they walked Ivony was saying, “The King would like to see you, but you must shower and change first.”
Jetome added, “He’s been waiting for some time, so I would make it quick, if I were you.”
Kakarot heard the humor in their voices and wondered what the joke was, but he followed their orders as they led him to a lavish washroom, gave him a change of clothes, and told him they would be waiting for him outside when he was finished. He washed and dressed quickly, noticing that the clothes he was given were of a nicer material than he’s ever worn before. He felt silly in them but clothing was never that important to him, and his mind was much more interested in his numerous thoughts about Vegeta. What would they say to one another? Is he angry with him? He met the others and they carried on, heading towards what Kakarot hoped was Vegeta’s location.
He suddenly began to notice, now that he’s had some food and he’s begun thinking clearer, that his abilities have been heightened since the transformation. He can sense Vegeta, and he knew they were going towards the King’s Hall, where the King currently resides. The two guards which kept watch over the large doors promptly opened them upon seeing their approach, and Kakarot entered, and in spite of his nerves he did so without hesitation or accompaniment, as Ivony and Jetome did not go inside, but instead told him their pleasant goodbyes until later.
Kakarot was a straightforward as ever, and as the doors were closed behind him, he saw the King, who stood for once completely alone in the empty room in front of his throne, with his arms crossed and a stoic look on his handsome face.
“Kakarot,” Vegeta said to him, and he uncrossed his arms and strode down the stairs eagerly.
“Sire,” Kakarot stopped and bowed to him, but he knew not what else to say and apprehension came over him at the strange look on the King’s face.
Vegeta, however, came ever nearer, and there was competition on his brow and scrutiny in his eyes, but it wasn’t until he was within arm’s reach that he spoke. Then, finally, the King said to him, “I am torn between how to handle this situation between us.”
“What do you mean?” Kakarot asked innocently, but there was a sadness in his eyes that Vegeta noticed, and he had seen it once before.
Vegeta stepped on, closing their distance to just a foot away and he said, in a less threatening tone than normal, “Are you going to pretend to be ignorant of our predicament?”
To this Kakarot did not respond, he merely looked his King square in the eye as if to say, ‘I have never pretended anything about us,’ and Vegeta rather wished that he would have said something, but knew that he would have to speak his mind at his silence. The King continued with his head held high, explaining, “I’m not sure whether I want to fight you, or make you my own, and seeing as how you’re a third class the latter is simply ridiculous.”
Kakarot actually pouted, and it was not exactly a cute, pleading face, but more of a disappointed look, and again, Vegeta wished that he would say something so that he didn’t have to. Kakarot, however, was all ears, and the King was forced to go on, so he said, in the way of a confession, “I’ve never been keen on the idea of letting my personal desires for someone else run away with me. That is not to say that I have never been fooled before, and so there is something I must tell you, before we say another word.”
Kakarot perked up and he listened with an intensity which made Vegeta feel tight-chested and nervous.
Still the King said, “I promised myself and my father that I would not make mistakes during my reign as King, and as part of that promise I boastfully stated that I would reign alone, and find a way to produce an heir through other means.”
“What about Rori?” Kakarot finally asked.
“My relationship with him was not what it seemed and it was a mistake by all accounts. You see, I had a partiality to him. We met when I was younger, and I showed a little too much of an interest in him, then. He let it get to his head and in his dark desires he seduced me and, still young and naïve enough to fall for the trap, I allowed him into my world. In him my father saw iniquity, but I ignorantly saw an element of freedom. It was not until after my father’s death that I separated myself from all of the things that brought me some semblance of joy, and it is then that I began to see the evil in those around me, where before I had never cared for what anyone else thought or did.” Kakarot stared at him blankly, and Vegeta realized his speech had gone over the young man’s head. “You don’t understand, Kakarot. You just don’t get it,” he finished, and it was clear that he was flustered, though he hardly showed it.
“Explain it to me,” Kakarot demanded gently. “I am not jealous of him, if that’s what you think. I am just curious at what you’re getting at. You aren’t making any sense.”
Vegeta’s eyebrow twitched and his shoulders stiffened, then he blurted out, “Who can I trust, here, even in my own castle, to go along with me on whatever my course may be, when I cannot even trust those who have been with me for many, many years now? My position attracts thieves, cheats, liars, and the selfish and impudent, for the price of wealth is high, and the cost of it is often good-character. When a death comes along, those who sought power from the shadows begin to slink around the corridors and come out in unwanted places, often disguised as a friendly ear, or a caring word, but with their tongues and their minds they seek to stab out in the dark, and they continue to attack until finally their strike makes contact, and the wound is too serious to ignore and too great to heal.”
Kakarot frowned and replied, “That’s why you killed Rori without remorse; you made an example of him. I get that. But, there is something I don’t understand. Are you saying that you don’t trust me? That you can’t trust me? Is it because I’m a third class that you believe me to be of lesser character than you? Do you even believe what you’re saying or is it something else? I never asked for anything from you except for your time and your trust. Did I do something undeserving of those things?”
Vegeta’s mind grew ever more alert as his heart clenched. There was a dark intensity in Kakarot’s speech and, impressively, he was wise enough to catch his bluff, but Vegeta’s dilemma was more difficult, and he didn’t know how else to defend himself, for giving in without a fight simply wasn’t his calling. The King answered, “I am saying that in a world of hierarchy there will be troublesome times ahead if I were to make an announcement that you and I are something more of lovers than friends. That is what you want isn’t it?”
Kakarot saw that Vegeta was flirting with the idea of them but he was in no mood to be teased. He wanted an answer, and, without giving an ultimatum entirely, he was determined to have one. He said, “Is that not what you want too, Vegeta? Call off your class-system and give leeway to those who already defy it and hope to those who feel stifled by it and humility to those who feel distinguished by it.”
Vegeta thought on that for a moment, and then, in a desperate attempt to come clean, he answered, “I am not in a position to lie to you and so I won’t. I will admit what I have never told another living soul. I may be hotheaded and arrogant, but I cut and I bleed and I feel pain all the same. I consider and I deliberate, and I try to choose the path which will cause the least amount of pain, even if it means I take on the brunt of the blow. For this reason I wish to be perpetually alone, and I fear that no amount of change in the class system within our society will change anything within my heart. You cannot fix everything that is broken and... There is something else:
“I should not have kept from you what I did, that being the knowledge of your father’s death from his very mouth, well before it happened. I wronged him and I cannot so easily forgive myself my shortcomings on his behalf. I told him that I wished for silence from him, and now silence I will forever have on his advice, for I shall never hear his voice or the wisdom of his council again.”
There were very real tears in the King’s eyes then, as Kakarot was astonished by every word, but the King forced them back as he went on, passionately, “I have failed my father, too, and myself, for I have made so many mistakes I can never rectify, and I now have to live with the ghosts of my shortcomings. I do not wish for you to share in those trails. I do not wish for you to be under the same scrutiny as I am. My reputation in ruined, Kakarot, and I cannot save face. My heart is as black as they say it is. My thoughts are just as dark.
“I have been a slave of two worlds for nearly all of my life,” Vegeta continued, trying to sort out his own choices with sound reasoning, as though he needed Kakarot to understand. He said, “I have been tormented by the evils of the universe, forces which demand that I become one thing or another, and barred by the throes of leadership of a savage culture, where I had not found any pleasure in the company thereof in some time. I ask you, how, then, should a man guide his heart, granted he has one to control, Kakarot? For emotions are felt, whether we are aware of them or not, and they can cause a man to do strange things. I am not a steward enough of myself to promise I will not make another mistake.”
Kakarot realized that for once he didn’t have to ask the King what was on his mind, Vegeta was bearing it all, and there probably would not be many more times that Vegeta would share such an intimacy with him. Kakarot’s heart trembled at this information, but still he saw it for what it was; an attempt at scaring him into running away. This is Vegeta’s way of giving him a chance to walk, now, and have nothing more to do with him, or his demons. Kakarot’s heart lurched as he saw the sadness in Vegeta’s soul, not the anger, and he saw the struggle on Vegeta’s mind, and not the pride.
Kakarot, however, was convinced that Vegeta could change, that he already has changed, and that if they are in each other’s lives, it is certain that they will do more for the good of everyone. The young man answered, gravely, “I do not know why you kept the information of my father’s death from me, although I can think of a few reasons, but I do know that at one point in time you must have believed you could stop it from happening, and that is why I love you. You are not the man the people think you are.”
Vegeta was surprised by this response, and in his emotional state he let the tears roll down his cheeks and then turned away, for it was Kakarot’s turn to speak, and Vegeta wasn’t so sure, now, that he wanted to hear what he had to say.
His speech was gentle, though, and his scolding was kind, as he said, “You are too hard on yourself, Vegeta. You’ve promised yourself impossible things and now you feel guilty because you failed to live up to those expectations. Now I will be forthcoming with you, as you have been with me, and I will confess my perspective to you:
“I daresay you have never found any pleasure in yourself because you have always been too engrossed in everything but what you believe in. If you had taken the time to consider your personal opinion before that of a warlord’s, or that of an outsider’s, or that of your enemy’s, then you would be able to see that there is more to life than ruling and less time in life to give over to the practice of constant worry or needless competition. I believe, though, that you were meant to lead your path thus far, and that paths change, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse.” Then Kakarot smiled at his King, even though he wasn’t looking, and he said, “I believe the meditations of your heart are good, even though you do not, and I believe that your road is bright, and that the life you lead will be a full one.
“Do you not see what you have accomplished? Do you not know that already the barriers that held you back have been cast away? The world has rules, but they are not without guidelines, nor without a key, and the point is simple; to focus on the good, to find contentedness, and to be at peace, in spite of the vices of life; to follow your passions, regardless of faults or regrets.”
Vegeta turned back around to face him and retorted bitterly, “That is something you would say, even in your own agony you can proclaim such lightheartedness, and it sounds so sweet when you say it! So simple, even! Alas, I cannot be at ease under such brooding circumstances, at least, not yet.”
Kakarot’s smile faded and he answered in final reply, “You are restless because you see the future and you feel that you have not done enough to prepare for it, but what you have not realized is that because you have the ability to consider things so deeply and sincerely, you also have the power to do something about them, and until you start acting on your desires and making moves to support all of your endeavors, you aren’t really living or achieving anything worthwhile. But you already knew that, I think you just wanted to hear me say it.”
Vegeta stared at him wide eyed but could speak no more on the topic. He realized that he was being selfish, but Kakarot didn’t seem to be bothered by him. Instead the young man came over to him and wrapped his arms securely around Vegeta’s lithe but powerful body, and Vegeta gripped him around the neck, accepting the hug. Vegeta began to realize that Kakarot has spent much time considering all of the things afore mentioned, and he couldn’t help but feel comforted by his touch, and warmed by his gentle speech, and he began to feel alive as ever, even without the rush of death.
Kakarot shook as he held onto him, and it wasn’t until Vegeta heard his voice in his ear that he knew he was feeling just as many emotions as him. Vegeta listened to him say, “We cannot fix all of our problems all at once. We can only take them on day by day, and improve ourselves in the meantime. I no longer see myself going through this life alone, though I do tend to keep to myself, just like you. I bet you didn’t know that about me.”
Vegeta pulled away and answered, “I know all about you, Goku, Saiyan warrior from Earth, defender of the humans, destroyer of Frieza, and all bad things that came crawling your way in that other time.”
Kakarot’s eyes widened and his grip held tighter around Vegeta’s waist. He eyed him greedily before he asked, “You… you remember? You’ve seen it- the visions of us?”
“Yes,” Vegeta nodded, no longer so nervous in his arms, “I can see them, now, too. Which is why I am so torn on what to do about you, but more than that, I am determined to match you skill for skill, but I am terrified to have you as my own, and undecided on what to do with you first. Both ideas seem to be a challenge which must be considered seriously before attempting.”
Kakarot thought that he could smile from ear to ear, but the expression did not come to his face, for nothing has been settled. Vegeta was still speaking in riddles, and Kakarot was in denial. He said, “I could never be with anyone else, you know. I could never love another. I could never settle. And if you think for a moment that you could try, then go ahead and send me on my way so that I can deal with the heartbreak now, but I can guarantee that even if you find something that makes you remotely happy, you will always think of me, and wonder what could have been.
“I see no reason why you can’t have it both ways. You can have me- I already said so- and we can fight as much as ever! If you know me you should know that I believe there is always someone out there with greater strength, stronger than even Brolly, and now I can say so without you thinking I’m insane.”
“Indeed I do know that about you,” Vegeta smirked, his heart full and he wondered about Kakarot for the millionth time- his energy and his charisma, his audacity and his virtue- and Vegeta admitted, “But which of us is the stronger fighter? That I do not know, and I must confess, it’s tearing me up inside.”
Kakarot had not yet received an answer from him, and although it made him nervous, he still continued to challenge him, and he asked, “Do you wish to fight me in animosity or curiosity, Vegeta? Can you tell me that? For if it is only the former I should be greatly displeased.”
Vegeta caved and kissed him to prove which it was, riveted by him and beyond caring at this point what anyone should think about it (not that anyone was around to see it at the moment). Their kiss lingered for a long time, before Vegeta finally pulled away and answered, “A bit of both, I’m afraid, for I can’t help but be roused by the idea of a Saiyan who can better his King.”
“‘Better’ is the perfect word, Vegeta,” Kakarot replied as he strengthened the grip he held around the King’s back and pulled him tight against his chest. He explained, “You are my match, you are my other half, and I am yours, Vegeta. Please, tell me you won’t deny it?”
The King said in a strong voice, breaking free of Kakarot’s hold, “I have come to a decision I thought I’d never make, and now I must ask you another question which demands an immediate answer.” He looked him square in the eyes and asked him blatantly, “You will enter a mergament with me, will you not?” As he asked him the question of a lifetime, butterflies flew around in his stomach that he never knew he had before, and in the brief second there was in between the proposal and Kakarot’s reply, Vegeta’s gut did jumps which were making him nauseous.
Then he heard Kakarot say, “I will, without question and without censure. I am already yours.”
Vegeta smirked at him and found that he was beside himself. Still, even at this very moment, he wished to fight him! It couldn’t be helped. Kakarot ignited feelings and ideas within him which could barely be contained, much less ignored, and he relished in the feeling of being taken by him, and he did not know what to do or say next, so he simply pulled him back in for a hug, and Vegeta couldn’t remember ever holding anyone like this before.
The fact that Kakarot is technically third class meant nothing to him anymore and he was certain the rest of Planet Vegeta would agree and if they didn’t at first, they would eventually come to terms. They have no choice.
Kakarot wondered, “When did you see the visions?”
Vegeta laughed and replied, “When I tried to crush you, I saw our first fight. You know what I’m talking about. You apparently did not hear my repine and I am thankful for that. Since then I have only had a day and half to think things over, but no doubt has come into my mind since that moment. I only had to give you the choice and you only had to make a decision.”
“You knew that I would choose to be with you.”
“I never thought I’d be so fortunate. I am still in a state of shock to say the least and the two men I wish to tell of this good news are both gone, and I’m not sure what to you with myself.”
Kakarot wondered, “Perhaps you feel strange about things because you thought I would be angry with you after everything, but I am not, although I certainly thought you would be angry with me.”
Vegeta answered, “Yet another lesson you have taught me well. I might have been angry at one point in time, but eventually I will find out which of us is the most powerful Saiyan, and for now I will keep you by my side to teach me other things.”

--
Thank you Fantasytigress! I am glad to hear that, I do want to inspire a very real emotional reaction out of my readers, and I hope that I keep that up till the very end. Thank you so much!
Thank you Kit-Kit! It actually is nearly finished!
In fact- there's one chapter left. Go ahead, click next chapter. Do it! Do it!
- 16
- 17
- 18
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Uncertainty and Pride