Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Lonely Desire	By : Petya Category: Gundam (all others) > General Views: 12076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 17
- 18
- 19
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, some minor Dearka x Yzak

Disclaimer: Don�t
own Gundam SEED / Destiny, only borrowing
the characters and the universe
for this fic.

Warning: NC-17, but
this chapter is safe. Some Kira and Athrun torture on my side.

Comments: Here it is, the
next chapter. The good news is that the Gundam category is finally completely transferred.

I am uploading this today as a way
of celebrating that I passed my first exam of this summer session of exams that
awaits me. One down, seven to go. Let's hope I'll do just as well.

Special thanks to: Mat for
the editing.

Chapter EIGHTEEN

A New Home, a New Life

The two
cars were as close to each other as possible the back of the ambulance facing
the front of his vehicle and one of the women opened the doors and prepared the
stretcher that lay inside. Rey watched the two women as
they worked quickly and without any unnecessary movements. It was like watching
a ballet without the musical accompaniment under the natural light of the
bright sun. The romantic comparison that suddenly sprang to his mind made him a
bit uneasy, it was not like him, so he mentally scolded himself and returned to
reality. He went closer to the medics and introduced himself.

"Hello,
I am Rey, Rey Za Burrel. It was me who called
to report Kira-san's condition." The two women
spared him a stray glance but didn't have the time for polite conversations and
just nodded to acknowledge recognition. In the meantime the graceful and
confident dance of their hands continued.

"Nice
to meet you Rey-kun, but I am sorry, we don't have
the time for proper introductions right now," said the woman that the
blond Coordinator knew to be Erica Simmons. She looked efficient and collected
in her two-part blue hospital attire. The other woman was dressed in a white
gown that looked as if it had just been put on. That somehow clashed with the
artistic impression that had formed in Rey's mind. "I
am Erica Simmons, and this is Okina Raniya-sensei. Now help us to get Kira-kun
out of the car-seat and while doing that, tell us everything you witnessed,
including things you might consider unimportant." She was curt and
commanded him, so the blond boy erected his posture and reacted accordingly.

"Yes, madam!" Nodded Rey and
started to explain what he had seen, skipping only the fact that he had
followed Kira from the Palace, saying instead that he had just happened to see
him running down the streets and then freeze in the middle of a street.

Erica
Simmons listened and stored the information in her mind, though for some weird
reason, something in the story bugged her, yet she couldn't put her finger on
what exactly. But being pressed by time constraints and other circumstances, she
dismissed the idea for the moment and concentrated on the issue on hand. She
could just be imagining it, anyway, she would think of it some other time.

"�Then
he said he was fine and asked me to get him home, which I intended to do, since
he promised me to consult a medic as soon as possible, but then he felt some
pain in the abdominal area and he literally folded in two. Yet he still
insisted he was going to be all right and wouldn't listen to anything I would
say, wanting only to go home. Still, things got worse, the pain recurred. He
seemed unable to bear it and he asked me to contact you and tell you the words
I quoted to you: �bleeding� losing it�
need her� here�' Then he lost consciousness and I called you."

"How
long did he remain unconscious for?" asked the petite brunette woman. Rey didn't know that one so
he tried to remember her appearance and made a mental reference to check her
identity and personal file as soon as he could. Anyone, that was in contact
with the object, had to be closely followed.

"Approximately
six to eight minutes when he passed out because of the pain and nine maybe ten
the first time, when I got him out of the way of the car." came the confident
reply. Erica Simmons acknowledged the new piece of information with a nod.

"When
he came to, was he adequate, did he seem lost or confused?" Okina Raniya, asked trying to obtain as much information as it was
possible. By that moment the two women were already done with their
preparations and were closing the small distance between the ambulance and the
van.

"The
first time he seemed rather strange and aggressive, absolutely determined not
to get any medical help and demanding to go home. But other than that he looked
and talked fine. And when he started walking, he was stable and even able to
run. The second time he seemed just fine when he came to, as far as
consciousness and ability to talk sensibly are concerned. He also followed your
instruction not to move without any objections, so I guess one could say that
his ability to think rationally was unharmed. And I tried to drive with as
little shaking as I could manage and still keep the speed at max."

"Were
there other attacks of pain or only the two you told us about?" Asked
Erica Simmons as she looked at Kira, who was sitting in the van and watching
her with eyes filled with badly concealed horror.

"No!"
The blond shook his head "He was fine after he came to the second time."
Now that he thought of it, this seemed rather strange. Wasn't abdominal pain
constant? Or maybe not? Whatever� Yet, he might look
it up later� If he found the time�

"How
long did the two pain attacks last, can you make some estimation? At what point
after the car accident did the first one occur and then how long was it till
the second one?" continued the interrogation.

"Let
me think for a second�" Rey paused for a moment
and tried to replay the events in his mind. "I'd say the first pain attack
was probably 15 to 17 minutes after he came to the first time and then I'd dare
guess it reoccurred about 10 minutes later. As for how long they lasted� About
25-30 seconds the first time and a little bit longer the second time until he
lost consciousness, but I can't say whether or not the pain continued while he
was unconscious."

"OK,
thank you, Rey-kun, we really appreciate the help you
provided for Kira-kun." Erica Simmons extended her hand and shook his, her
grip was confident and strong, almost masculine. She took out a calling card
and presented it to the boy. "I am sorry that we had to ruin your
schedule, I hope it would not present a problem in your personal life or at
work, but should your employer express any displeasure
with your actions, please let me know and I'll try to work it out with him. You'll
be free to go as soon as we transfer Kira-kun to the ambulance."

Rey could recognize a dismissal when he got one and
this was exactly that. He would not be able to track the ambulance to wherever
the women might transfer the object and he had to find another way to find out
where they would get him.

Meanwhile
Kira watched and listened through the opened door, but didn't dare move. If
Erica-sensei wanted him immobile, he would listen to her and wouldn't question
her actions. She knew better than him what to do and he
wouldn't dare put his unborn child at any risks, at least not if he
could avoid them. The little creature had already faced too much pain and he
was not about to add to that. The only thing he did was to remove the seat
belt, so that it would be easier to get him out.

But he
instantly noticed the other woman that accompanied Erica Simmons. This got him
worried. He knew that his friend and doctor would never betray his trust and
would always do what is best for both him and the baby, but he couldn't help
the desire to keep his unusual condition an utmost secret. The pains in his
abdomen had eased for the moment reducing to just annoying dull pain and he had
started to hope that things might not be that bad, but he could still feel
something trickling out of his rectum and that kept him in a constant state of
barely controlled horror.

The three
got to him and Erica-sensei smiled at him. The door was opened and the woman
greeted him.

"Hello,
Kira-kun, would you be able to get off the van slowly and carefully?" She
extended her hand to him in case he needed additional support.

The brunet
nodded and started to move carefully. The height of the van, that had never
been an issue before, now seemed enormous and he couldn't jump as he was used
to. Rey held the door to prevent it from closing as
Kira used the door-handle for support. His feet trembled and he felt as if he
might fall any time, and he was quite sure that it was not so much due to physical
problem as to a mental one. The bright rays of the sun blinded him and spots in
all the colours of the rainbow flashed in his vision.
He tried to collect himself, steady his legs and concentrate his eyesight. It
was the least appropriate time to trip and fall. He was almost surprised that
his body listened to him as his vision cleared and his legs started to
obediently follow the signals that his brain sent to them and he safely stepped
on the ground.

Letting go
of the door while the two women were concentrated on Kira Yamato, Rey used the time to take out of his pocket a small
tracking device and considered where would be the best place to put it. It
wouldn't do to put it somewhere where it could be noticed or accidentally
disposed of before he had found out the final destination of the ambulance, so
the clothes and the stretcher were off, he would put it on the ambulance, but
he couldn't bend down and place it without acting strange and that might raise
suspicions, something he would rather avoid. Small lapses of concentration
sometimes tended to be what ruined otherwise perfectly laid plans. He was
running out of time and he had no idea what to do. Not one to rely on luck,
this time Rey hoped that fate would aid him and he
would be able to place the electronic bug before it became too late.

It took
Kira only a few short steps and he was at the ambulance, climbing in carefully
and lying on the stretcher that was prepared inside. Erica Simmons climbed in
right after him, followed by the woman, whose name he was yet to learn. His
friend and confidant turned to close the doors of the ambulance and before she
did so, she looked at the blonde boy that had brought her patient.

"Thank
you, Rey-kun. Have a nice day!"

That was
the opportunity the youth needed. A smile that the others would probably
consider to be just a polite gesture appeared on his young face.

"Iie, I am glad I was of help. Kira-san, please get well
soon." He bowed deeply and it took him only a moment to place the small,
magnetic bug on the down side of the bumper at the back of the vehicle. Shinn would
take another car that would not arise any suspicion and confirm the place where
the object was to be taken to. With that his job was done.

Kira only
dared lift his head and nodded slightly expressing his gratitude. "Thank
you, Rey-kun."

Erica
Simmons waited to see that the blond had started the engine and taken off
before she closed the door and immediately turned her undivided attention to
her patient. She helped him take off his shirt and he remained bare-chested. She started to check his vitals putting a
small device on his index finger and the monitor behind her came to life. Next
she stuck electrodes to his chest and the ECG also appeared on the screen.

She
recited the vital stats as she was used to, even if her colleague could see
them by just turning her head.

Meanwhile the
other woman, that Kira was yet to be introduced to, started to unbutton his
trousers. He felt uneasy, having some unknown woman undressing him. The brunet
knew she only saw him as an object, a patient, but for some reason that didn't
help the matter. It still remained weird feeling her fingers brushing his most
intimate areas, even if their movements were efficient and strictly
professional. She indicated for him to
elevate his hips, so that she would be able to take the clothing off and he
obliged, but couldn't prevent the slight blush that coloured
his sides. The woman either didn't notice or was wise enough to pretend so, instead she cast him a glance and smiled at him. She
obviously understood his uneasiness and introduced herself.

"Kira-kun,
we don't know each other and I regret that we had to meet under such
unfortunate circumstances. My name is Okina Raniya, I am a doctor and my specialty
is Gynecology, which is the reason why Erica-sensei here contacted me. I give
you my word, that your secret is safe with me." As she spoke she continued
her work and soon Kira found himself naked. Luckily he
didn't feel cold, not with ORB's weather that was
almost always nice and warm. She extended her hand and Kira took it, yet the
odd feeling of shaking hands with a woman that had just took off his clothing
was still present in the back of his mind. But he knew that his number one
priority at the moment should not be himself and not even the pain in his chest
that could overcome any physical pain that had been or would ever be inflicted
upon him, what mattered now was the well-being of his child. And for that he
was ready to subject himself to things even more embarrassing than a medical
examination by some strange woman. Especially considering the fact that the
woman was someone that Erika-sensei trusted�

"Nice to meet you, Raniya-sensei." Kira felt
her motherly touch help him relax and diminish his discomfort about his naked
state.

Okina
Raniya carefully inspected the brunet's underwear to evaluate just how much he had
bled and sighed in relief when she only noticed a few small pinkish spots. The
discharge was not bright red and showed no traces of clots or tissue, which
meant that things might not be grave. Yet she still needed to examine her
patient and find out the reasons for the cramps. Normally such insignificant
bleeding was not accompanied by pain and even if it was, it was not supposed to
be so severe that someone, especially a battle-hardened veteran Coordinator,
would faint from it. That really worried her. She had to walk through
unexplored lands here. She could only hope that this boy's pregnancy would not
differ greatly from the average pregnancy of a woman or she would be at a
complete loss of what to do and how to act.

She needed
some information that she couldn't get from the other boy � Rey.
"Kira-kun what did you feel first � the pain or the bleeding?"

"The
pain came first. After the second sharp pain came the bleeding." She
controlled her features. She had learned to a long time ago and was happy that her
face didn't show how deeply she was troubled by the news. Unfortunately she
didn't think that to be a good sign.

"And
can you tell me, or better show me where the pain was located?"

Kira
looked at her and then said. "I don't know it was as if my whole abdomen
hurt, as if someone was squeezing it."

That
didn't really make any sense for Raniya and she would bet that the confusion
that she felt was shared by her colleague. She needed to know more. "OK,
but was there a place that the pain was sharper or lasted longer?"

"I
don't know, I don't think so." The brunet was confused, he really couldn't
say exactly. At that point his mind had been concerned only about the possible
loss of his baby and all other information had been secondary, even his own
suffering.

The older
doctor realized that the boy was not able to give her more specific information
and decided to move on to other questions. "And how did you feel after you
woke up the first time, was there any pain? Were you hit anywhere?"

At the
sudden change of direction of the conversation Kira looked confusedly at the
woman and replied. "�here was
some dull pain in my left side, but it was just a minor problem. Nothing serious. I've been hurt worse during the war."

Raniya
carefully observed and palpated the boy's abdomen and paid attention to the
already formed purplish bruise on his side. But luckily the skin was not torn
so it would heal fast. And judging by the bruise the chances of any internal
damage was low, thank God for small favours. She
would see where this would lead. But what she heard and saw could not explain
the abdominal pain the boy had described. She had to continue using all the
technical advances that aided the contemporary medicine and hope that they
would help her understand what was going on, so that she could take the
appropriate action and help the brunet keep his pregnancy.

He was in
the middle of his third month of gestation, so the embryo should, in case
everything was fine, be visible and if the heart rate showed no abnormalities,
his chances of keeping the baby would be significant. Yet the uterus was still
rather low in the pelvic cavity so it would be of help if he had some
collection in his bladder.

"Kira-kun,
when did you last visit the toilet and what amount of liquids have you drank
since then?"

The
amethyst-eyed Coordinator didn't know the reason for the question and couldn't
get the connection to his current condition, but replied anyway. He would find
out the reason sooner or later. "When I got up, about 4
hours ago. And I have probably drunk about half a liter since then."

"OK,
thank you. Now I am going to examine the condition of your uterus using an
ultrasound." She had the habit of explaining her actions in order to avoid
any stress if the patient was surprised by the procedure she (normally) would
undergo.

She
reached for the portable ultrasound device and took the transducer in one hand in
the meantime squeezing with the other some gel on the patient's abdomen and then
she started to press the transducer of the ultrasound in the lower abdomen
looking at the small screen where the visuals appeared, not forgetting to tell
the boy how to breathe and when to hold his breath. She sighed in relief when
she found what she was looking for. The embryo seemed not to be under any
stress, which was a good sign. The CFD* was also within the norm. She relaxed
and decided to let the boy know that things seemed to be as good as possible
under the circumstances. Rhythmic sound filled the small space of the
ambulance. Kira looked at her questioningly. She smiled to let him know things
were just fine.

"What
you hear now is the heart rate of your baby. And it is one normal healthy beat."
She smiled even wider as she watched the boy's reaction.

Kira's eyes widened in surprise and realization of the meaning of those
words. �Normal and healthy'. Normal
and healthy�

Those
words replayed in his mind as he rejoiced that he had not lost his baby, his
only love, his anchor to life and sanity. His mind and heart insisted that
Athrun should have shared that beautiful moment with him, but he had given up
on this miracle and now he was alone. Sudden anger rose in his chest against
the cruel rejection and the injustice of life, that he
and his baby should be left alone. Yet the rhythmic sound that assured him that
his baby, his tiny in size, yet enormous in significance, personal reason to
live and be happy was fine. He decided to forget about Athrun just as the
blue-haired boy had forgotten about him, to reject him, just as he had rejected
their child. His whole being concentrated on the calming and
surpassing any symphony sound of his baby's heartbeat. And out of nowhere tears pooled in Kira's
eyes and before he could stop them, they started to stream down his temples and
cheeks. He lifted his hand to brush them away and tried to stop them, but it
wouldn't work. Confused and a bit ashamed of his sudden burst of emotions he apologized.

"I am
sorry, I just can't stop crying, but I am fine really. I don't know why this is
happening to me." The small streams continued to flow down his face and
all he could do was to rub them off.

Both women
looked each other and smiled with knowing smiles. Somewhere in the back of
their respective minds was the same thought � �it's nice to know that at least
one man can find out what women go through with a pregnancy'. Erica Simmons
took pity on him and explained. "Don't worry, Kira-kun, it is normal. The
hormonal disbalance in your organism is the reason
for the sudden mood swings. You'll probably have similar sudden and strong
reactions to seemingly small events. Just let it vent out. Don't try to stop
it." The brunet looked at her with a rather doubtful face but kept his
opinion to himself. He had of course heard of the supposed mood swings of the
pregnant women, but he was not some sissy.

The petite
brown-haired woman handed the transducer to her younger colleague. "Here,
you check his other internal organs. You are better than me in that area." The Coordinator
nodded and moved to examine the condition of Kira's other abdominal organs.
Luckily all of them were normal and unharmed. She cleaned the gel from his
belly and covered the boy with a sheet.

With that
done there was only one more examination that Kira had to endure. And it was
the one that was bound to make him feel most uncomfortable.

Rey sat at the table and watched the ambulance. He had parked
the van in a nearby underground car-park and had come back on foot to monitor
the ambulance and wait. He had also called his superior to inform him of the
latest developments of the situation. Shinn was on his way here and if the
ambulance remained in place for ten more minutes the black-haired Coordinator
would be able to follow it all the way. Of course the raven-haired boy would
not drive right behind it as they did in the movies. That would be too obvious
and in their case rather pointless. He would drive down parallel streets and
change direction in accordance with the signal from the tracking device only
from time to time getting closer just to verify that the bug did its job. At
the final destination he would make sure to put some other bug that would not
just mark the place but if possible even register and record noises. They had
not been able to try that one at the object's home, since he had too good a
security system to even attempt it. Later they would resume their normal duty
of silent observation.

The blond
boy raised his cup of coffee and tasted the bitter beverage. Now that he didn't
have anything he could do, his mind could run free and reassess the situation
he had been unexpectedly thrown into. The whole series of strange reactions
from people that just didn't seem the type to overreact made him wonder if
there was something more to the object than what met the eye and what he had
been told.

His
Commander had been�, normally for any other person he would have used the word
'worried', yet that was just an emotion he had troubles to connect with Gilbert
Dullindal. Still that was exactly what he had sounded
like.

And now
that he had met and talked with Erica Simmons his opinion of her, based on her
file, had been confirmed. She was a tough lady. If she had been stressed over
the boy's condition, then she definitely had her reasons. He decided that one
way or another, he would need to find out what kind of examinations she had
done to the boy two weeks earlier and most importantly get his hands on the
results. And he intended to read them thoroughly and learn what was going on.

Okina
Raniya reached for the two appendages on both sides of the stretcher. But
stopped and looked at Erica Simmons silently asking her who should explain to
the boy the procedure that was about to take place. The younger woman nodded
and addressed the brunet.

"Kira-kun,
we need to evaluate the condition of your uterus and cervix as well as see if
there is any softenig, how's the
bleeding and some other things. But the procedure is a bit unpleasant
and since I am not a specialist and I had the information I needed, the last
time I spared you that part of the examination. Yet now it can't be avoided."
She looked at the boy to see how he was reacting to her words, which were
rather vague at that point. He had finally stopped crying and now was looking
at her with a combination of curiousity and what
looked like fear in the face of the unknown. He met her gaze bravely though and
just asked.

"Tell
me please, what are you referring to?"

"First
we will have to look at your cervix and see its condition using a speculum."
She showed him the table with sterile instruments, but didn't touch anything. "What
will have to be done is Raniya-sensei here will have to insert a speculum in
your rectum and then open it, to make the inside of it visible, thus being able
to see your cervix and find out if there is any blood collection that had not
been secreted. It is practically an equivalent of a gynecologic examination but
in this case it would be rectal."

Kira
listened carefully and with each word his face grew hotter and redder. He knew
what a gynecologic examination was, he had read about it in the books he had
taken with him, but somehow he had never associated that procedure with himself
and his condition. And now, while he understood that it was important and that
it was for the best of both him and his baby, it was just a bit too bizarre for
him to accept. He tried to adjust his attitude or just consider it something
normal, but it wouldn't work. He was aware that his feelings could be read on
his face, the heat he felt being so strong that if a man could self-combust
that would be him. In a vain attempt to lessen his uneasiness he looked aside
and concentrated his gaze on the monitor that displayed his ECG. The pointy
ever changing diagram was not really interesting or meaningful for him, but it
was an excuse not to look any of the women in the eyes.

"Kira-kun,
do you understand and will you let Raniya-sensei examine you? You know we can't
do anything without your consent, but I think you realize that this is
important."

Kira
nodded still looking at the monitor. But remained silent and his body language
betrayed his unwillingness.

Erica
Simmons tried again. "While waiting is undesirable, it is still possible.
So would you feel better if I call Athrun-kun and ask him to come here, to
support you?"

Kira's body
stiffened for a moment and his vital signs suddenly changed betraying his
stress even before he faced her and opened his mouth to force a single word
out.

"NO!"

Kira
himself jumped at the shout and the tone of his refusal and closed his mouth.
Yet the echo of his outburst continued to reverberate in the limited space of
the ambulance and to ring in his ears. He couldn't believe that his own
feelings had surfaced so easily and had become that obvious. His mind was in
haze, still refusing to understand how anyone can defy any kids with the ease he had. It was not as much the fact that
he had betrayed Kira's love and with
his own twin-sister, that was easier to accept, but the complete defying of the
kid they had created was what had really killed something inside him.

He tried to gain control of his emotions and
started again, this time making sure that his voice wouldn't show anything of
what was boiling inside him.

"No.
But thank you for offering. He and I broke up. He doesn't know about the child
and I don't intend telling him. I rely on your word that you won't tell him or
anyone else." The two women looked at each other and a wave of concern
passed between them. Even for a woman it was not easy to go through a pregnancy
without support, especially a pregnancy that might be complicated, and to think
that he wanted to go through all of it alone without any help from friends. Without his partner�

And then
it all happened again�Kira felt it� the overwhelming pain that seemed to wash
over his senses with the sweeping power of a tsunami. He panted and his face
contorted as he fought the pain and the fear it brought upon him.

The
doctors reacted immediately. Okina Raniya touched the brunet's abdomen and felt
that all the muscles of the abdominal wall had contracted, making it rigid.

"Put a
tourniquet on his arm." she ordered Erica Simmons, who did that instantly,
while the Natural woman grabbed a syringe and a needle aspirated the content of
a phial and swiftly inserted it into Kira's vein. Then wasting no time, she
grabbed the transducer and started to examine what was going on inside the
boy's abdomen. It was not easy with the resistance of the muscles but that was
her chance and she couldn't miss it. What she saw made no sense and had she not
witnessed it firsthand she would have never believed it. All the internal
organs of the abdomen had been engaged in a spasm, yet the uterus was not a
part of that. The CFD didn't lie. The blood-flow towards the embryo had not
altered in the least. This was absurd and she was shocked to see it, yet there
it was in front of her eyes. The brunet endured the pain even though it made
him clench his teeth and tears collected in the angles of his eyes. The
Coordinator woman timed the length of the spasm. Finally it eased and she said
aloud that it had lasted for 35 seconds.

Okina
Raniya could only guess that the peculiar organism of Kira-kun protected the
baby even in such a situation when all other organs were under stress. However
this made all her diagnostic attempts so far go to waste. She never expected
this, but the reaction the boy had had, indicated that the reason for the
spasms was not the pregnancy. So the bleeding and the pains were most probably
not so much due to an imminent abortion, as to a psychosomatic reaction to mental
stress. And if the situation the last attack had occurred in was any
indication, it was probably connected with that Athrun person that Erica
Simmons had mentioned. The information made her relax and tense at the same
time.

While they
as doctors could control most of the physical factors that concerned Kira-kun,
they had no power to affect his mind. So they would have to make the impossible
to prevent the boy from any stress and keep him as relaxed as possible. Just in
case the other woman had not understood what was going on, she voiced her
discovery.

"It
seems to be psychosomatic." Kira's face indicated he understood her words,
so she continued in detail. If he already made out part of the things it was
better to make everything clear. "I'd dare guess there has been some
distressing situation lately � maybe today?" she looked at the boy for
confirmation and he nodded. "And that was such a shock that he couldn't
process it and get over the matter so it stayed pending. When the topic is
somehow touched the stress it causes is released in the form of a psychosomatic
reaction that causes a spasm of the smooth muscles in the abdominal area, yet
for some reason the muscles of the uterus are not engaged. I have no idea why
it is so, but it is probably an unconscious way of protecting the embryo. Or just a specific feature of his specific organism� While this
is a good thing, we'll have to do our best to avoid such occurrences in the
future.

Erica
Simmons had known (having met and talked to the boy after her husband had
brought him back from the island the previous day) that the brunet had intended
to tell his lover about his rather unique condition that very day and she could
only guess what had happened between the two teenagers that had led to the
separation and the painful determination at being alone that rang in Kira's
voice, no matter how well he controlled himself.

"OK,
Kira-kun." She addressed the boy who needed to be distracted from his
emotional suffering and she decided that the procedure would do the trick. And
it still needed to be performed. Its informative value could not be replaced by
anything any machine could provide. "I understand and I won't insist, do
you want me to call anyone else, or do you want to continue straight away with
the procedure I described to you?"

The brunet
was already prepared to object if any of the women insisted on his presence, so he was left without a
balance so to say and he closed the mouth he had already opened, the protest
that he had thought up dying on his lips and he somehow resembled a fish taken
out of the water. Both women were content to see that the boy was distracted
and was calming down as his vitals indicated.

Kira calmed
down and switched his mind to the matter at hand, namely the procedure that was
to take place. He was still not comfortable with the though of what he had to
go through, but then he realized that women had to go through such
manipulations every time they visited their personal gynecologists and his
admiration for them rose by another notch.

He looked
at each woman for a second and then nodded his agreement. "I guess that if
it is needed and is the best for the baby, I really have no choice. What
exactly am I supposed to do?" His voice was stable and composed yet some
distant accords of insecurity still betrayed the boy's fear of what he had to
endure.

Okina
Raniya reached once again for the two additions that were attached to the sides
of the stretcher. She had been surprised when she had first seen them, as they
were not usual, but obviously her younger colleague had really tried to provide
for any possible development. She released the handles, elevated the stirrups
and locked them. Then she started to give instructions how the boy was supposed
to position himself.

In less
than five minutes the whole ordeal was over and Kira was safely tucked under
the sheet.

"It
seems that the case is the most favorable for us. I guess that if the bleeding
stops in the next 24 hours everything will be fine. But I'd say it would be
best if you stay in bed for at least two days. While it has not been proved
that lying helps, it certainly doesn't hurt, so I think that would be our best
shot."

"And
what if the bleeding doesn't stop or if those spasms recur?" Kira hated
the very thought of either of those situations, but he thought it would be
better if he knew what to expect in either case.

"Now,"
This time Okina Raniya paused for a second to organize her thoughts and to find
the best way to say the possible complications if such cases turned reality. "Even
if the bleeding continues, it is very insignificant, and if the heartbeat of
the baby is fine, you'll be able to keep the pregnancy, but honestly, I expect
the best development in this particular case, because the examination of your
cervix didn't show anything distressing." She paused again and inhaled
deeply then exhaled and continued. "As far as the abdominal pains are
concerned, since the uterus is not engaged, I don't expect that they would have
any negative effect, but still I injected you a spasmolytic.
Plus I have to tell you that I've seen female victims of car-crashes that had
half of their bones broken and yet the baby they carried was fine and unharmed.
It really is a miracle how the organism of a mother can protect the growing
life within."

"Won't
the drug harm the baby?" Kira was concerned. Pretty much everybody knew
that pregnant women should avoid taking drugs.

"Don't
worry." She looked him in the eye to convince him that she didn't keep
anything from him. "The contemporary medicine had advanced a lot and we
have a variety of drugs that are completely harmless to both the mother and the
child. Yet, the memory of past tragic cases still scare
the young parents."

The brunet
sighed in relief and now that he had gone through the procedure and been assured
that his condition was as good as it could be expected under the circumstances,
he let his curiousity take the better of him.

"Raniya-sensei,
may I ask you a question?"

The woman
looked at him and smiled. "Of course, if there's anything that worries you
or you don't understand, asking is the best way to fix the problem."

"Well
from what I've overheard from girls talking about gynecological examinations�"
he paused and a pink colour painted his cheeks "the
doctor usually uses his hands, you know�" he knew what he wanted to say,
but he just couldn't force himself to say the words. It was so strange. Why did
he have to bring that up? But now that he had started, he'd better continue. "�
I mean, touch inside�" He just couldn't say more and his cheeks felt on
fire once again.

Both women
understood him and tried to keep their faces straight and not to laugh at the
uneasiness and inability of the boy to put in words his question.

"Kira-kun,
yes, normally the doctor would use his hands to examine the form and position
of the uterus as well as some other things, putting two fingers in the vagina
and the other hand on the abdominal wall, but when there is a threat of
abortion it is deemed that such actions might further trigger the process and
it is best to be avoided if possible. Luckily the medical installation that we
have available gives us enough additional information."

Kira
nodded and thanked for the explanation. It was good that Erica-sensei had asked
that woman for help. Now he was glad that a specialist would be following his
pregnancy. He felt that he could trust the woman and that really made him feel
at ease.

"I
think that we should leave now" Came Erica Simons' voice. "Kira-kun,
how would you like to stay at Raniya-sensei's place for the time being, since I
can't leave you alone, nor can I take you to a hospital for observation? She
lives alone in a small house, so no one will find out anything about you."

Kira
considered the situation. That was a good idea. He was seen by people in the
Palace, so at some point everyone who cared would know he was back and might
come to look for him. He looked at the woman in question and asked her
"Raniya-sensei, are you sure I won't bother you?"

"Of course not, Kira-kun. I'd be happy to have
some company and take care for another expecting mother�" she looked at
him and corrected herself "� person."

"Than I will gladly accept your offer." He
thought a little, "but there are things that I will need. And I can't go
to my apartment to get them. Do you think you can arrange for someone to bring
them over?" As he said that the brunet looked at Erica Simmons since she
knew where he lived and could probably help him.

She nodded
"I'll see what I can do. But now let's get moving." She moved to the
front of the ambulance leaving Okina Raniya to monitor Kira at the back.

After she
started the engine and took off she pulled her phone and dialed a number. Once
the receiver was picked she carefully not to be heard at the back told Lacus
Clyne that someone needed her help. She suspected that the boy at the back
might not be happy with her decision, at least not at first, but he needed
support and help and she couldn't think of anyone that was better for that than
the young pink-haired girl.

"I am sorry to leave you now Athrun, but
I think you'll be fine."

Lacus
closed the door behind her back and headed for her car. The day was strange and
something told her, that things might actually turn out even stranger before
the sun set. She walked with her usual light and floating stride while the
phone call she had received a few minutes earlier replayed in her mind. It was
peculiar to say the least. Erica Simmons had called and�

* flashback *

The phone rang and Lacus discreetly moved
aside. She looked at the caller's ID and saw that it was Erica Simmons. That made her remember those horrible days of waiting and
hoping that Kira would be fine.

"Hello, Erica-sensei?" The voice
that came on the phone was muted, but still audible.

"Lacus-san, I am sorry to bother you, but
unfortunately it's an emergency and I need your support. Are you alone at the
moment?" the voice on the other side was composed and calm, but the
pink-haired Coordinator knew that the woman had been through her fair share of
dire situations and could remain calm under stress. She was also well aware,
that the doctor would not use the word �emergency' if the case was not really
urgent and important.

"No, I am not. I am currently with Cagalli,
Athrun, Yzak and Dearka at the Residential
Palace. Is that of
importance?"

"Well, yes, it is. I need you not to show
in any way that you are talking to me." A brief pause obviously intended
to give the girl time to process the information. "I need you to come to
an address, but please, promise me that whatever you might witness there will
not go any further. I need your trust and silence, for the sake of a person
that is very important and fragile at the moment. Can I rely on you?"

Lacus was perplexed. Erica Simmons had never
acted that strange but she probably had reasons for her current behaviour. Yet why had the woman decided to entrust her
with the secret, whatever it was. She made up her mind. If she was needed, she
should help. She would find out what exactly was going on and why was she the
one to be sought out when the time was right.

"I'll keep silent on the matter and I'll
help you within my abilities. Where should I go?"

* end of flashback *

The
songstress started the engine and loaded the address she was given in the car
computer, since she didn't know the street. The machine projected the shortest
way to the point and Lacus took off.

The
conversation had left her afraid. The short and cryptic dialogue somehow
resembled the countless ones she had had during the war while she had been running
and hiding form Patric Zala
and his followers. The talks were just as vague and could not give any leads to
a person that might accidentally overhear them. That important and fragile person was obviously of great significance to
Erica Simmons. Yet the woman probably had other people she could turn to, even
Cagalli was closer to her, yet for some, known only to her reason, she had
chosen her � Lacus� Could that mean that the person in question was one that
she knew?

She turned
the car in accordance with the instruction of the car computer and soon found
herself in the area of the hospital where Kira had been admitted to. This made
her remember the awkward situation that Athrun was in. She wondered if he will
be able to find Kira and convince him that everything he could have witnessed
had been nothing more than a misunderstanding and whether the brunet would
believe him.

She took
the last turn and decelerated to be able to see the numbers of the small houses
that stood by the street. As she pulled at the address she had been given she
didn't get off the car. She just dialed Erica Simmons' number as she had been
instructed. While she waited for her, she examined the surroundings. It was a
prestigious neighborhood with family houses that were away from each other and
separated by well kept fences and lots of trees. The house she had stopped at
was surrounded by a wall as well and she couldn't see beyond it.

A few
minutes later the woman got out of the small door by the bigger car entrance
and gestured for her to get out of the car. Lacus did so and greeted the
doctor.

"It
is really nice to meet you again Erica-sensei. How can I be of any help to
you?"

The woman
looked at her for a second and then smiled. "Remember your promise! Not a
word or even a hint to anyone about what you are about to learn." The
pink-haired girl nodded in confirmation. Then the older Coordinator looked the
younger one in the eyes and silently added. "It is not I that need your
help, Lacus-san, it is Kira-kun who does�"

* CFD � Colour-flow Doppler. It is a way to evaluate the umbilical
blood flow and thus determine the fetus' health and nutrition.

A/N: Ok,
after the long wait for the final transfer of the Gundam
section, here it is the next chapter. I hope that the medical references are
not too boring or far too many.

I am
grateful to all the people who helped me with explanations of the medical part,
as well as to the writers of a few textbooks I used for further help. It would
take too much to mention all of them, but I still wish to thank them in
general.

But please
be aware that I am adapting a few things as I wish them to be and not as they
are currently. As you can easily guess, it would be funny if a civilization that
has advanced enough to create MS's, to manipulate the genes, to have artificial
wombs and to clone people, would most likely be far more advanced in terms of
medicine, so I'll assume that things which are not possible in our real life,
are quite possible in the C.E. universe.

@phoenix: "Since Kira would develope essentially as a hermaphrodite, there wouldn't be the issues
associated with transplanting a uterus into a male "host" after birth. The only
major problem with this system
is the lack
of progesterone in Kira's system. The testosterone in his body
can be broken
down to estrogen
by an enzyme
(aromatase if you're interested) so that won't
be a problem but it's the
progesterone that keeps you pregnant.
High levels of progesterone are required to
prevent the binding of estrogen
to the muscles
lining the uterus because it is the
binding of estrogen to the
muscles lining the uterus that
causes contractions. So, if you
want him to miscarry it
would be after 2 weeks when
the placenta would take over
progesterone production and in Kira his
progesterone levels would drop or
you can give
him progesterone supplements and he should, in
theory, be able to go
to term."

Not exactly. Kira's uterus was not transplanted
post partum, rather it was his genetic structure that was
manipulated to create a new level of hermaphrodite. I'll say more in some of
the chapters to come, who, how and why.

If I give him artificial progesterone, he will
develop androgenic reactions (and this is hardly nice). That is why in chapter THIRTEEN
I mentioned (I had initially written a more complex explanation, but I thought
better of including it, this is not a study on Kira's physiology and
endocrinology, after all) that Kira has very unique endocrine system. He
actually has a so to say supplementary endocrine system that covers his
'female' side. And that its hormones and metabolites are inactive in terms of
his primary male endocrine system. So
this means special hormones, special structures on the cell and nuclear membrane,
special enzyme systems and so on. Since you've covered animal physiology (even
if this is more of biochemistry), you get the picture.

If you think carefully if his uterus
has developed enough to carry a pregnancy that means it was provided with all
the hormones necessary including progesterone. And if there were female rates
of progesterone and estrogens in Kira's organism since infancy, this means he
would have turned into an idiot or androgenic and his male reproductive organs
would have suffered.

This is the reason I came up with
the double endocrine system even if it is quite the fantastic idea.

Sorry if I failed to make this clear
in the chapter. But if anyone has any other questions feel free to ask and I'll
do my best to clear all issues.

@mikyu: First of all, thanks for the pics. Everyone can see them at:

http://web.green.ch/psychonator/eleo/snowhouse/index.htm

Oh, and you are not the only
one tired of the silliness in GSD. Sadly, I hate how otherwise smart characters
turn into idiots just 'cause the plot requires it. I don't mind one character
being outsmarted if this doesn't mean other's turning from genius into idiot for
the sake of it. So I'll give my best into not making any of my characters
develop idiocy just so that I get something happen as I wish.

If any of you notices that I
make the characters act below their IQ, let me know, so that I can fix that.

@apple: Hope
pregnant Kira will grow on you. I find him cute like this. But that won't stop
me from making him suffer.

@AsuKira: Well, that's what friends are for. To give support when it's needed. And Yzak, as nasty as he
can sometimes be, is a good friend, who would speak his mind honestly.

@claire: Thanks.

@Kaworu: I just love long review, when you tell me what
you liked or found strange. Ah, and thanks for the pics.

Sorry, but I have not plans for Gil
x Rey, this one is just not my type of pair, I kind
of have troubles imagining Gil with anyone but Talia.

Maybe you're right that Athrun is
too pessimistic, but I thought of the maniac-depressive tendencies that lie
within every one of us. He was ecstatic just a little earlier and all
enthusiastic about his supposedly perfect future with Kira, but later all that crushed
into ashes. Let's just say he was emotionally unstable ;)

And Lacus is still clueless, and you'll
see how she reacts and what she does when she actually finds about Kira's
condition.

@Tyson: Sorry
that I couldn't update soon enough, but it will definitely not be 5 and a half
months till the next update, now that the site is operational again.

@Luna_meow: You know, when someone, who is not a fan of BL
says she/he likes my fic it is twice the compliment,
since this means I really did well. So, thank you.

@M: When is
Athrun going to find in terms of chapters is anyone's guess. Even I can't say
how long it is going to take, but to spoil it a little, it won't be soon.

@Anon: Thanks.
Here it is� :)

@Anon: Wow,
so glad you like it. I didn't manage to update soon, but I did now, so you can
find out a bit more what is going on�
- 17
- 18
- 19
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Lonely Desire