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Lonely Desire	By : Petya Category: Gundam (all others) > General Views: 12076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, some minor Dearka x
Yzak

Disclaimer: Don�t own Gundam SEED / Destiny,
only borrowing the characters and the universe for this fic.
I make no money, but take great fun and this is even better.

Warning: NC-17, but
this chapter is safe. Some Kira and Athrun torture on my side again. Poor them.

Comments: Three of my exams are behind me,
which leaves 5 more down the road. The result so far is not that inspiring 2 : 1 in my advantage. I hope not to let more goals in my
gate.

Special thanks to: Mat for the editing.

Chapter NINETEEN

The Wind Blows Us
Apart

Kira was alone in the room, which
Okina Raniya had said had once been her son's, but was now unoccupied since he had
been living and working on September 3 for quite some time.

She had added that it was the most comfortable
and sunny room in the house and he should feel fine there.

Erica Simmons had excused herself
since someone had called her on the phone needing her and she had promised to
take care of his blood analyses (she had gotten some blood samples from him, to
check further on his condition), so she wouldn't be around for some time, and
he had asked Raniya-sensei to give him some time to rest.

It was not rest he had in mind
however. There was too much going on in his mind and he desperately needed to
organize his thoughts and come to some decisions, no matter how hard that might
be. He understood that if he didn't resolve his problems or at least push them
far back enough in his mind, it would be him and maybe even his kid that would
suffer and the latter was the very last thing he needed or wanted.

Kira lay in the bed he was assigned
and carefully explored his surroundings.

It was a beautiful room with a lot
of natural light and enough space. But that was not what made him feel good
about it. It was the family atmosphere that streamed from all the small details.
The shabby old teddy-bear missing one ear that sat on one of the shelves, the
countless photographs of a boy, showing his development from a toddler through
a naughty teenager and to a handsome young man� They all showed that this house
had been and still was full of love.

He stared at the ceiling. He had not
missed that the pics showed no father figure for the
boy, so the brunet assumed that either Raniya-sensei was a widow or she was
divorced. This didn't bother him one bit, what interested him was the fact that
she seemed to have brought her son up on her own. Just like
he would probably have to do with his child.

Absentmindedly he looked at his
chest where the electrodes were stuck and were connecting him to one the
machines that Erica-sensei had provided for monitoring his stats. He was stunned
that the woman had gone thus far in making sure he had all he might need just
in case anything happened with him that might endanger his pregnancy. He himself
had thought only about the pleasant side of it. Now he wondered if that was how
it was usually that future parents only wished to see and think of the good
parts connected with the nine-month long waiting for of the fruit of their
love.

It was kind of funny that even when
he threw up on mornings he still only thought of the good things, that it was
mostly normal, that it would come to pass and that after all he was going to be
a parent, a parent of his child, of their child.

But Fate had laughed in his face, hadn't
she? And what was more, he had too�

The fact that he
thought of Athrun brought the fear that the pain in his heart might again take
a physical form and threaten his little darling, but he just needed to
work things out for himself. Where he was now in his life and how and where he
was heading. Once again he was facing crossroads of life and again he had
little time to make his choice, a choice that was bound to determine his future
actions and through that his further life and that of his child.

The only thing he knew for certain
was the he didn't want to see him, not in the near future, and probably not
even until after the baby was born. And if he had to be honest with himself he
didn't want to see Cagalli either. While he kind of understood that she didn't
know of her brother's feelings towards him and that she might still harbour some lingering feelings towards the blue-haired
Coordinator, he couldn't help, but feel betrayed. It was a sensible feeling,
probably even a too drastic one, but Kira just needed time to get over that. He
didn't blame her, she was the least guilty of the
three of them. He admitted to some extent his own guilt. He had left, he had
needed time to accept his own weirdness and the fact that his dream of love
with him had not been so impossible, but maybe it was once again a
wishful thinking. No matter what he thought the fact remained, he was here and he
was now with his twin.

Yet, he had made love to him.
Or had it really been love? Maybe he had just needed sex and had simply
grasped the first possibility. No, Kira didn't want to think about that. He
preferred to think that this one night he had been loved, even if that was not
the truth, he still preferred to deceive himself. He wanted this memory to
remain untainted in his mind. He wanted to believe that the child that he
carried was a fruit of love and devotion, even if those feelings were something
that had been there for just one single night. That was it, that night what he
and � him had shared had been love. Period.

He wondered for a second how Cagalli
could accept him knowing that he desired no kids. His hands rested on
his own abdomen and caressed the small life within. This was a miracle that
everyone deserved to experience.

That thought brought back the
painful memories of his harsh and final words about not wanting kids,
not needing them.

Some tensing in his abdomen alarmed
him that probably it would be better if his mind changed this line of thought.
But still, there were things to be considered and he tried his best to relax,
to let go of the pain and regret that would bring him nothing good.

He closed his eyes and the thought
of the one thing that made him feel good and relaxed � his child.

Then the rational part of his mind
stepped in too to save him and to provide ideas of what to do next.

From whatever perspective he looked
at it he only had one choice at the moment � the only solution for him was to
disappear. To get away and hide until the baby was born and he had recovered.
But he didn't intend to live away from ORB and the friends he had made, just
because he had not gotten what he wanted, he had learned that one rarely got
what one wanted, the way one wanted it. And that meant that he would need to
come up with an explanation later about where had the baby come from. He
couldn't simply say that he had given birth, firstly no one would believe him,
and secondly even if for some weird reason someone did, it would still lead to
the logical questions of how the hell that was possible and who the other parent
was, something he wonted to avoid at all cost.

Luckily he had the perfect excuse
right in his hands � his fictional beloved Ai. He would turn her into the
baby's mother. But that would require much more work on her profile, than he
had bothered to do till that point. And in order to do that he would need his
laptop.

Thinking of what he needed he
realized that he would have to get his stuff from his house as soon as possible that he also
needed money. That was a bigger problem. First of all, he could do nothing
about that till the next day, no bank-office worked on Sundays, and to add to
that he was supposed to lie. Well, maybe if he got his laptop he could use
online transfer, but he didn�t trust this method. He knew how easy it was to
track down bank transfers and he had no desire to mess with that bank, since
ultimately it would be the bank that would suffer along with all its clients.
He was not that type of a person. No, the best was if he got all the money on
hand and then no one, not even Athrun or Cagalli with all their abilities,
infinite connections and access to everywhere would be able to track down his
financial operations.

And there was the fact that his
money was not that much. He had had a good wage as a high-ranked member of the
ORB military and he had little expenses, considering that the house he lived in
was a gift from his sister, so he had savings, but still he didn't have endless
amount of money. Then he remembered the account that Cagalli had created, she
had transferred some of her own trust-fund money for his exclusive use even if
he had fervently opposed the idea. While the very thought of using the money
made him sick he knew that if the choice was between his own stupid pride and
his child's wellbeing the decision was clear.

Those were the little things that
had suddenly grown to present big problems.

He guessed he would later have to
ask Erica Simmons to go to his apartment and get his stuff, most importantly
Torii and his laptop, and she would also have to clear the memory of his phone
just in case. He had earlier implied that Ai's phone was there, and while it
was not (and how could it be if she never existed in the first place), it was
still safer to clear all evidence. The photographs in his room also had to be
removed.

He knew Cagalli � once she lost her
temper there was nothing that could stop her. She would have his apartment
broken into and he didn't want her to find out something that was none of her
business. He asked himself if he put too much importance of himself thinking
that they would look for him, but then scolded himself. They might have messed
up his love, but he knew that on another level both of them loved him and cared
for him. It was just not in the way he would have preferred. And that made
things worse, because he couldn't hate them, and hating was so much easier.
Still he was not sure how much he could honestly love them either.

He started to make a mental list of
all the things he needed to get sorted out and the order in which these tasks
needed to be done. Time was an issue here. He had no idea how long would it
take before someone, most probably his far too impatient twin-sister, would try
to find him.

Athrun didn't pay too mush of
attention to Lacus' leaving. He had other things bothering him. He stared at the
door that closed behind her and thought that he had reacted prematurely, just
as Kira had done. And it had ended with an avalanche of mistakes. How long
would it have taken him to sort everything out had it not been for his friends?

He looked around to Yzak and Dearka.
Maybe for the first time he really noticed their attitude towards each other.
They really held hands, they spent most of their time barking at each other,
well mostly Yzak was barking and Dearka pretended not to hear him, but there
was that aura around them that showed that they didn't need to show their
feelings, because they were there and each of them knew it. And in his
heart he felt that he wanted that kind of silent mutual trust and understanding
those two shared.

"Hey!" Yzak waved a hand
in front of Athrun's face. "Why are you staring so intently at us, is
there something wrong? Or are you trying to seduce my lover?"

"I love you, Yzak!" Athrun
smiled, a true tender smile that turned a bit devious
as it expanded.

Yzak's eyes almost popped out of
their orbits and he choked startled. "Are you ok?"

"You are weird, you know."
Came Dearka's drawl as he wound his hand around his
lover's waist and drew him closer. "First you are all depressed about Kira
then you get better and start hitting on Yzak. And in my very
presence, no less." But he smiled too. "Glad you came back to
your senses, buddy!"

Cagalli felt left out. There
sometimes was that understanding between those who were in love that made her
feel jealous and redundant. But still she was happy that Athrun was feeling
better. Now all that was left was to make sure her brother was too.

"I have to go to him" With
these words the blue-haired Coordinator jumped form the bed and headed for the
door, but Dearka's words stopped him.

"Wait!" The blond turned
to him in serious tone. "Stop acting all emotional and use your head or
you'll just end up into another mess."

"What do you mean?" Athrun
was really surprised that his friend would try to hold him from going to clear
the things out with Kira. "Wouldn't it be best to have everything sorted
out as soon as possible?"

"Well," came
the reply "not exactly."

"What do you mean?" It was
Yzak that questioned him and added an elbow in his boyfriend's ribs to draw his
attention? "Why should we prolong matters? Let them settle it all and have
a good night together."

Athrun's cheeks flushed at the
implication and so did Cagalli's. But none the less he also demanded an
explanation. "Why really? I will just go to Kira and explain that it was
all a misunderstanding."

Dearka sighed and sat on the bed
drawing his partner along. "Ok, I am not the person who knows Kira best,
but he is not like you or Yzak, not like me and so not like his sister. If I
have to compare him with somebody it would probably be Lacus." Athrun nodded
in silent agreement with this analysis and sat on a sofa while Cagalli took one
of the chairs as they listened to Dearka's thoughts. Obviously he was the voice
of reason that day, so they could just as well pay attention. "Kira was
stressed and the calm type of people he belongs to need time to sort out their
own feelings. They are hard to piss off but once they reach the boiling point
they are actually harder to calm down. And quite often, more
unwilling to listen too. If you go to him now it may well end up in a
catastrophe. Give him some time. Let him rethink the situation and calm down.
Let him just come to terms with himself. I fear that if you go now, he might
not believe you. Or worse, he might end up even more worked up against you and
refuse to let you talk."

Cagalli opened her mouth to offer
that she went to her brother but she was cut short. "No! It would be of no
help if you tried either! Just let him, I don't know, sleep over it. Sometimes
such things are less painful after the new dawn enlightens them."

Athrun considered Dearka's words.
Maybe he was right, but maybe he was not. How he could tell which course of
action would have better result. That was one of the moments that he just was
not sure with path would lead him in the desired direction.

He looked around in search for the
one person that could help him clear his doubts and saw no trace of her�

"Huh?" He looked around
curiously "Where's Lacus?"

"She left some time ago to
attend to something, didn't you pay attention?" asked Cagalli in a
surprised tone. "You know you are very strange today, it might actually be
wiser if you don't go to Kira now. You are sure to make things worse. You are
just not yourself. Your moods change faster than those of a girl with
PMS."

Now he remembered that she had left
and he changed his actions.

"Whatever! I'll just call her
and ask for her advice!" The others sighed and waited to hear what the
songstress would say. She really had a calm and considerate mind so her advice
was probably going to be sensible. And besides they felt that Athrun wouldn't
let them stop him anyway.

"It is not I that need your
help, Lacus-san, it is Kira-kun who does�"

Lacus stood still for a second until
the words settled in her mind. So something was really wrong with Kira and her
instinct connection with him had not been wrong. She collected herself.
Starting to panic would not help in any way, plus she was not the type to, so
she just drew a deep breath and looked calmly at the woman in front of her
waiting to find out what exactly was going on with Kira.

Erica Simmons watched the way Lacus
Clyne took the news and decided that her decision had been indeed correct. This
girl would be able to go through the difficulties that might come and would be
able to offer her silent support if needed. She decided that she would spend
some more time with the girl and would see how much she could tell her.

"Can you give me a ride to the
hospital, please?" Lacus looked at her a bit surprised and traces of worry
flashed on her face. The doctor could almost see how the girl tried to
understand if that meant that her friend was hospitalized, so she assured her
"No, don't worry, Kira has not been admitted to the hospital." The
pink-haired songstress relaxed prematurely as then followed "For
now."

Lacus stared at her again and repeated
her last words questioningly "For now?"

"Let's go to the hospital and
I'll try to explain some things to you. It's not much what I can tell you. I
myself don't know everything and in that regard you can probably help me, but
there are things that I have to do rather urgently so we'll talk on the
way."

Lacus nodded and got back in the car
as Erica Simmons took the passenger seat and they took off.

"Lacus-san, you said you had
been with Athrun-kun till now, right?" The girl acknowledged confirmation.
"Did he mention of any meeting between Kira-kun and him that have probably
taken place today?" The doctor had to carefully choose her words. She
could not betray the boy's trust by breaking her promise to not disclose his
secret, but on the other side, she needed to know as much as possible about his
relationship since it had a great impact on his physical state.

Lacus didn't turn her eyes from the
road but her body stiffened slightly as she heard the question. "Do you
suppose this could be the reason Kira's not feeling well?" She asked in
return taking some time to decide what she could tell. Whatever the
relationship between her two friends was, it was none of any other's business
but themselves.

Erica Simmons smiled inside. So the
girl was good in not telling secrets that didn't belong to her. "It's
fine. I know what had happened on the island. And Athrun-kun confided to me his
feelings for Kira-kun. You can talk and not worry that you'll tell me something
you are not supposed to. Plus I knew that Kira intended to visit him today.
What I don't know though is what has happened then. He wouldn't speak. But the
fact is it affects his physical condition and as his doctor I have to be
informed in order to make correct decisions."

The girl nodded and answered.
"I have not been there, but from what I know�"

They arrived at the hospital quickly
before the tale was over and Lacus was surprised to see where she was led to.
She had never been to that part of it and honestly didn't even know it existed.
But she just continued talking and retelling what she knew and carefully
watched what the woman beside her did.

When she finished explaining what
she had learned from Athrun she remained silent and waited for Erica Simmons'
explanation.

The woman worked calmly and when she
was done, she turned and said.

"I know where Kira-kun
is." Lacus nodded, she had assumed so from the woman's words so far.
"However if I take you to him there would be severe conditions that you
must abide to no matter what. Are you willing to?"

"What are the conditions?"
Came a calm but curt question.

"I am sorry, but you'll have to
trust me on this and agree to follow what I ask of you, you have my word it is
for the best for Kira-kun. I can't tell you more before I have your word."
The other woman looked at the young girl in front of her. She knew that age
meant nothing. This same girl had been through a war and had seen people die.
She was much more mature than her age would suggest. All of those kids were.
And it was twice the reason to do whatever she could to spare them any more
pain and suffering.

Lacus was torn. Yes, she knew the
woman and she knew she could be trusted to some extend, but she had seen how
friends betray friends during the war and as much as she was determined to see
the best in people she was definitely not as naïve as some had her. She
didn't like to jump in an abyss with her eyes shut. But Kira needed her, still�

"I can't promise what you want
me to so lightly, but I can give you my word that after hearing your demands,
if I disagree I will leave and tell nothing of them, but I can't promise I
won't take actions accordingly if I think Kira is in danger."

The doctor sighed. They were in a
stalemate. Both of them needed the other, and none would go back now, so she
decided to compromise. "OK. I take you on your word!" Then she stared
in the girls eyes for some time and broke the silence that had built once
again." Kira-kun's condition is delicate. I
don't know what exactly he thinks; I can't be sure what Athrun-kun thinks, no
matter what you tell me, even if I guess you are right. The fact is that for
now under no circumstances I can allow them to meet. Or more correctly I can
not let Athrun-kun get near Kira-kun. What is more, I demand that around
Kira-kun in no way you will bring up anything related to Athrun-kun or the
relationship between the two or even any topic that can be distantly related to
the latter or may cause association with him."

"Is this the rule you
meant?" Lacus was surprised she never expected that. Why would the woman want
to keep her friends away from each other? This didn't really fit into her mind.
Did the woman mean that Athrun was in some way bad for Kira?

"One of the two" Lacus
looked expectantly at her waiting to hear what more she had to abide to.
"I want you to promise that if Kira-kun refuses to see you or at some
point asked you to not come to him any more, you would do that and you would
still keep everything a secret"

Lacus was shocked, why would Kira
not want to see her? And why would he send her away in some future moment? But
since this was something that depended on his own
feelings and desires and she respected those that was easier to promise.

"I have no problem with
that." However there was another thing that actually bugged her to no end.
The matter of Athrun. "I am sorry, but I don't
really understand why you demand that Kira and Athrun are kept apart. It is not
as if hey would hurt each other�"

"I never said that. If I could
be free to make such a choice I'd welcome a reconciliation between them, but
right now Kira-kun's physical condition is such that
there can be dire consequences should he meet with Athrun-kun." Erica
Simmons looked at the girl. She could see all the confusion and the questions
that were there but she could not say more. "Are you still willing to meet
with Kira-kun and are you going to abide what I told you?" The girl was
still hesitant. "Keep in mind that while Athrun-kun has the support of the
others form your company, all Kira-kun has right now are me and one more person
he has just met. And now he needs all the support he can get. Unconditionally!"

Lacus' head was starting to throb.
This was too weird. Like some mystery. But the final line was that Kira need
her and she couldn't leave him in such a moment, especially if he believed that
he was betrayed and had some illness. "Fine! I'll
follow you rules, but if Kira expresses any desire to meet Athrun or someone
else I'll do as he wishes."

"I'll be more than happy if
such a thing happens. Please though, don't be the one to bring up the topic.
The results might be disastrous."

"OK, I won't, can we go to him
now?" Now that the decision was made, Lacus couldn't wait to see her
friend and find out what was going on with him, which led her to the fact that
she still had no idea what exactly was he down with�

"We need fifteen more minutes
until the machine spills out the results and we can go." Was the reply to
her question but others were already seeking answers.

"Erica-sensei, what exactly is
wrong with Kira?" Lacus looked the woman in the face ready to hear the
news no matter how bad it might turn.

"You understand that I have to
keep the patient-doctor confidentiality. I'll tell you what I am sure he won't
mind you know, but the rest is up to him. This morning he barely avoided a car
accident and has some bruises, but that is not a problem. It is his mental
state right now that has me more worried. You'll see for yourself once you meet
him in a few minutes."

Right then Lacus' phone beeped and
she was forced for a second time that day to move aside and answer. It was
Athrun and she felt a bit guilty at him for being some minutes away from seeing
his beloved and not being allowed to tell him about it.

"Athrun!" She looked aside at the doctor who
had turned her attention to the machine but was not looking in her direction
after her exclamation.

"Lacus I need you advice.
Please, tell me how do you think, should I go and talk to Kira now, or would it
be better to wait till tomorrow?" Came the green-eyed
Coordinator's voice from the other side of the connection.

She didn't know what to say, so she
covered the microphone on her mobile and just in case silently asked the other
woman "Is Kira at his home now? Athrun is looking for him�" The other
woman shook her head negatively.

"Lacus,
are you there?"
came from the receiver.

"Hai, hai! I am here I was just thinking what
would be better. You know, if you want, go and see if Kira's home and if he is,
try to talk to him. But he is probably wandering somewhere, maybe along one of
the beaches or in some park. You know how he seeks solitude I in such cases, so
if he is out, wait till tomorrow."

"OK, I'll do so. Thank you,
Lacus."

"Athrun, call me to tell me
what happened, right?"

"Un, I will. Bye now."

"Bye." She canceled the
connection and stared in the space. She felt as if she was lying to her friend
even if she had not said one single phrase that had not been true. Yet she just
felt guilty and she couldn't help it.

A beeping sound claimed her
attention and she saw that the machine that would show Kira's results was just
spilling a sheet with something printed on it. Erica Simmons took it, looked at
it and pocketed it. "Let's go!"

"I'll go in first to prepare
him for you. I told you already, that his condition is delicate and I don't want
to stress him out any further." Lacus nodded. Erica Simmons knocked on the
door behind which was Kira and entered. The girl that remained outside, hoping
that she would soon find out what was going on.

Kira turned his head towards the
door as his doctor appeared there. She smiled at him and looked at the machines
that monitored his condition. Then she turned to him "How are you feeling,
have there been more spasms, any pain, discomfort?"

Kira shook his head negatively and
asked in turn. "How are my results, is everything alright? Is the�"

"It's all fine"
Interrupted him the woman. She had to, while Lacus was not likely to pray there
was the possibility that she might hear something through the door and she
didn't want her patient to reveal his own secret unintentionally. "But
there's someone I want you to meet, are you up to it?"

He eyed her suspiciously. "More
doctors, I really don't need more people in on my case."

"No, actually this is someone
you know" seeing how he started to feel uncomfortable and to come up with
possibilities she hastily added. "It's Lacus-san and so far she knows
nothing more than that you have almost been in a car accident. Plus she
promised that no matter what, she would tell no one about you and your
location." She sat on the bed facing the brunet.

Kira relaxed a bit. If there was a
person he would feel fine with that was her, but he still couldn't believe that
Erica Simmons had contacted her behind his back. If she did that now, what
could assure him she would not do that again.

"Why?" He asked intensely.
"Why did you go against my wishes and contacted her?"

The doctor started explaining,
making sure that her words would mean nothing to Lacus should she overhear
anything. But just in case she lowered her tone as she began "Kira-kun, ever
since I found out about your condition, I have been preparing for any possible
development, from the best to the worst." She looked at the machines
because the boy's face was once again a mask and revealed nothing. The stats
remained stable. Fine, so he was taking it calmly so far. "I have to make
sure that from a medical point of view everything gives the best possible
results, but have you considered that in your condition the final result would
demand an operation and that means a team of medical personnel working on your
case?" The heartbeat quickened a bit but otherwise no reaction followed
her words, not even a blink or a nod.

Kira stared at her and his mind was
in turmoil. He had never thought about that. It was just something that had not
even come to his mind, but now that he was told he was afraid. He didn't want
other people to know and from what he heard he might be left without a choice
on the matter once again. He didn't react and waited for the further
explanation.

"Just so that you know, the
minimum of staff we are to manage with would consist of five persons � two
surgeons � those would be Raniya-sensei as the primary one and me as her
assistant, an anesthesiologist and his assisting nurse and a nurse to assist
us*. While the anesthesiologist and his nurse would be by your head and won't
be seeing your naked body, which would be covered with sterile sheets leaving
only space for the operating area, or the inside of the abdominal cavity as we
open it, the nurse will have a nice view and there are things that are bound to
betray how you differ from the normal cases." She paused to let the boy
process the information he was washed over with.

Kira stared in the space and
considered what he was told. Still this didn't explain Lacus' presence. How her
visit connected to this talk was foreign to him, but obviously Erica-sensei saw
the connection. He opened his mouth for the first time and asked "How does
Lacus fit in this equation?"

She eyed him cautiously and checked
his stats again. All fine on that front, maybe his mind was stronger than his
previous reactions had indicated, but she still preferred not to take chances
with that. "I had intended to consult you and of course her if she would
be willing to take the time and devotion to take up a very intensive course on
nursing and be the nurse. That way I thought of solving the nurse issue and
have someone you trust in the OR with us."

Kira continued to look at her his
face just as emotionless but his mind was working furiously. He was not ready to
tell Lacus about his condition and in truth even though he trusted her and she
had never betrayed him as far as he knew, the pain of the stab that Athrun had inflicted
upon him in the back was too recent and made him wonder how much trust he could
have in people. He hated the fact that now he feared trusting his best friends
but hi� wound was still
raw and hurt.

He looked at Erica Simmons who eyed
him patiently and awaited his decision. He asked her "What if we don't
tell her of my condition so far, but only tell her about the Ultimate
Coordinator project? That I will need an operation in some time and since that
project had involved some experiments that have made my body different and that
would be the reason why we need a trusted person to assist during the operation."

Erica Simmons nodded. She understood
to some extend his fears. This way he wouldn't be telling a lie and would still
be able to hide his secret for a little bit longer. "OK, this is possible,
but you do realize that in a few months it would be hard to hide the evidence
that you are different in a very special way?"

Kira nodded solemnly but added.
"If I wear looser clothes I will probably be able to hide it for at least
2 more months."

"So what is your decision,
would you meet with Lacus-san?"

"I guess I need her
anyway�" He wouldn't admit openly that what he actually needed was her
endless ability to offer unconditional support no strings attached, no
questions asked, just a tender word and an affectionate caress that could
relieve the tension of the person she was with. "So, yeah, I'll meet
her."

Erica Simmons smiled at him and
stood up. She went to the door, opened it and invited Lacus.

Lacus stood in the corridor waiting and
she heard mumbling from inside the room. She had to fight the urge to lean on
the door and listen to the talk that took place between Erica Simmons and Kira.
Just when she was getting close to losing the battle with herself and her
principles the door opened and she was invited to come in.

She was expecting that Kira was not
well after the morning accident and almost being run over by a car, but she was
surprised that apart from the machines that controlled his condition he didn't
seem to be any different than normal. He smiled at her and only then she
noticed the slight strain of the muscles of his face and the slightly off spark
in his eyes. She suppressed the urge to grab him and pet him until he cried out
his pain. The girl guessed that if Kira wanted to look as if everything was
fine, then he wouldn't appreciate such actions on her part.

"Kira, ohisashiburi
[it's been a long time], I am so glad to finally see you." She smiled at
him and careful not to mess with the wires that connected him to the apparatuses
hugged him. "How have you been? We all so wanted to see you. Cagalli was
mad at you as expected." She had only intended to joke, but the reaction
she got was not at all what she had expected. Instead of laughing at his
sister's lack of patience Kira's body in her embrace tensed and she heard that
the beeping of the machines changed. A glance at Erica Simmons' direction
showed that the woman was not happy. Lacus guessed that she would have to be
excessively careful with her phrases. She hurried to make up for her slip.
"I am so happy you are OK, I was so worried for you after Erica-sensei
told me you had been in a car accident." She felt Kira relax and sighed.

Kira hated his body reaction at the
subtle reference to Athrun and Cagalli. He didn't want to let such things
affect him. He didn't want to let anything that might hurt the baby affect him
and yet only brief time after he had decided that he wouldn't let anything get
to him he had not only reacted, but had witnesses. He plastered another forced
smile on his face and slowly pushed Lacus away. She sat on the bed by him and
he took one of her hands to let her know that he didn't mind her slip.

But what mattered more than anything
to him was to confirm that she would not tell anyone of his location.
"Lacus," he stared in her eyes "you will keep everything secret,
right?" She blinked not expecting such question and nodded.

She squeezed his hand in assurance
that she meant her words. "I already promised Erica-sensei, I will not say
a word to anyone against your wishes."

Kira let go of her hand and relaxed,
then looked at the older woman that stood aside giving the youngsters some
privacy. She saw the question in his gaze and nodded her agreement. The brunet
turned to Lacus once again and started "Lacus, there's a reason why you
are here. We�, I need your help. You see, I need to undergo an operation in a
few months�"

Lacus sat beside him and listened to
his vague introduction and was later stunned by the revelations about his
conception and birth. Kira even told her of the events in the Mendel colony
that concerned him. He kept the secrets of Mwu La Flaga and Raw Le Creuset, they
didn't belong to him.

The pink-haired girl couldn't
believe her ears. She had never believed that her friend had kept such a
painful secret, but she could see why he had chosen to bear the burden on his
own. When he finished with his story, the brunet asked her if she would spend
the next months of her life studying nursing in order to assist in his
operation. Lacus was stunned by the request and looked at Erica Simmons for
confirmation. The woman had let Kira talk and had only intervened twice to
clear some medical issues, now she nodded that that had been the main reason
why they needed Lacus' help.

The girl was surprised, even if she
was a Coordinator, she was not sure she would be able to manage to learn
everything in a few months. "How long is it before Kira has to get the
operation?" she asked the doctor.

"Six months in the best
scenario, probably less. Just in case you'll have to be ready in five,"
answered the older woman. "But don't worry you won't be covering the full
course. We'll concentrate only on what is important in this particular case and
we will be accentuating on the practical knowledge. You won't get a degree of
course."

Lacus thought it over. Kira had said
that something about his anatomy was different and that was why he had to take
precautions, but had refused to tell her what exactly was different in his
anatomy. But she then considered that if he was afraid to tell even her, then
it was probably serious and it would be even worse if he had to tell about it
to a stranger. Plus, the fact was that her friend needed her, and she knew that
this morning he had been hurt by what he thought he had seen. He was fragile,
and Erica Simmons had said that his health was in danger. She couldn't let him
down.

"I'll do my best." Was all
she said.

Kira sighed and smiled and this had
been the first real smile he had showed her since she had come. This assured
Lacus that she had made the correct choice. The other woman nodded and said
that they would start as soon as possible, maybe the very next day.

Athrun stared at the door of Kira's
home gathering the courage to ring the doorbell. He was afraid that Kira might
not be at home. He was even more afraid that he might be. He feared his beloved
might not want to talk to him and dreaded that he might want to, but just to
tell him that he would be happy to never see him again.

He considered that contemplating
would get him nowhere, so he rang the bell and waited. And waited� No one
answered. He wondered whether Kira was at home but refused to open to him or if
he was away. He rang the bell again. And again�

Twenty minutes later he had to admit
defeat. It was of no importance whether Kira was or was not at home, the fact
was that the door wouldn't open for him and that was that. He humped his
shoulders and turned to leave, when he saw a boy with a soccer ball staring at
him. The boy cocked his head to one side and said:

"Don't you see that Kira-san's not at home?" The tone of the boy indicated that
his opinion of Athrun's intelligence was not very high.

Athrun stared back at the boy
wondering how the kid could tell that Kira was not at home. "How�"

The boy didn't wait for him to
finish his question and pointed to something in Athrun's feet. The blue-haired
Coordinator looked down but couldn't make out what did the boy mean. He looked
up at the boy again and opened his mouth to ask what he meant.

The kid sighed. "The
magazine!" Athrun didn't get the kid's hint. "If he had come
home, he would have picked it up and taken it in. Really, you probably don't
know him very well." The kid shook his head at the weird adult, and in his
eyes the guy in front of him was one of those strange people, known as adults,
and spun on his heels and left the man behind.

Those words hurt Athrun. He however
didn't let it show. He just stared at the boy as it went and then turned to
stare at the door and the magazine that lay at the doorstep.

The boy's words rang in his ears and
he started to wonder if they could actually be true.

Then with one last glance he headed
back towards the Palace vowing that he would be back on the following day and
then he would make Kira understand that there had been nothing between Cagalli
and him. That the one person Athrun loved was Kira and no one else.

A/N: * I am explaining this, the way it is in my
country and the caesarian sections I have seen. This really is the smallest
operating team I've ever seen.

@Apchi: Ah, sorry for your math exam. We
have all failed at some point of our studies, so I know how it feels. I failed
an exam a few days ago. Tough one. My reward is a
whole summer of studying to make sure I pass in September.

I am glad that I helped you sooth
your pain. I soothed mine with writing. Which I guess is good for you, since I
finished this chapter sooner than I expected.

@Tyson: Thank you, I update as fast as I can, but I
like to take my time and make sure everything with each chapter is as good as I
can make it. And still I find loads of mistakes later and things I could have
written better and so on.

@Kaworu: Good luck on defending your Diploma
:). And I love how you take time to write long reviews.

I also love my Kira, but now with
his pregnancy and everything else he is bound to be a bit unstable, no matter
how much he wants to be strong. I have some nasty little things in for him and
one BIG nasty thing coming too. Poor Kira! Hugs him and pets him and kisses him
and then => sekuhara *censored*.

And thanks for the pics, I wish I had some talent, but unfortunately a blind
spastic monkey would draw better than me.

@mikyu: Well they are alone and they will
be even lonelier in the chapters to come. Some time before they meet again.

And yeah, Destiny doesn't live up to
SEED, but I still like it. At least for the better design.
;) Athrun looks adorable in Destiny.
- 18
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Lonely Desire