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Worlds Collide	By : TheBatcave Category: Dragon Ball Z > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 763 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Dragon Ball Z, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 18
- 19
- 20
Worlds Collide
Chapter 19: Control
Everything hurt. He managed to put his gi back on after freshening it up, being careful to miss any bruises on his torso. They felt better than they did an hour ago, which he appreciated, but it didn't occur to him that something was missing until now.
"Crap!" he gasped as he pulled on his black hair, which was still hanging loose.
He had no idea where his hair tie was. He could have easily made another from his belt, but pushed that idea to the back of his brain; it was the perfect excuse to delay seeing his friends - and going back to Cell's room.
He managed to get back up there without bumping into anyone, though it would soon be time for them to wake up, and Gohan guessed that he'd better show his face to Jeice and Krillin at least before they went for breakfast. The room was empty, the bed still a disaster. He rifled through the sheets, but there was no sign of what he was looking for. Defeated, he turned to head back out to the room was was supposed to be in last night.
"Ouch!" Gohan's body recoiled from being grabbed by his bruised hips at little too hard.
"Looking for something?" asked Cell, knowing full well that he was.
"Please don't do that," groaned Gohan, standing up straight again from his recoiled stance.
"Do what?" Cell let go of him, Gohan feeling relief as the pressure was released.
"Jump me."
"Did I scare you?" mocked Cell as he rolled his eyes.
"Have you seen my hair tie?"
Cell held out his hand at the side of him, revealing the red band around his left wrist.
"You shouldn't be so careless. Especially now you have eyes on you."
"Yeah, don't remind me," sighed Gohan, taking the hair tie off the android's wrist and tying his hair back to the side.
Gohan steadily made his way back to Jeice and Krillin, he was about to open the door when it was opened for him from the other side.
"Where have you been?" asked Jeice.
"Shower," he answered quickly, trying not to look shifty about it.
"Ah right... well I wasn't going to say anything but... " Jeice jokingly wafted his hand over his nose, which at least prompted a smile out of Gohan.
"Asshole," he laughed weakly.
"Morning, Gohan," yawned Krillin from his bed.
"You wanting an early breakfast?" asked Jeice.
"Uh... " Gohan didn't know how to answer that without blurting out that he wanted to avoid everyone for as long as he could.
"I get it don't worry," said Jeice. "Krillin, get our butt out of bed!"
They were heading back to the communal area. I was 6.30am, and nobody was really around, or so they thought. Krillin went ahead to see if there was food, and as Gohan entered the room with Jeice, all eyes suddenly turned to him.
"Gohan?!"
Master Roshi stood up from his chair, prompting Yamcha, Puar, Oolong, Tien and Chiaotzu to do the same. They couldn't believe how much he'd changed in 6 months, he was much taller, yet thinner. They were reminded of the reappearance of his tail, which hung behind him; Gohan was unconsciously swaying it subtly to one side as his nerves took hold.
"Yeah... " said Jeice, trying to speak for him. Even he could see that Gohan was mere seconds from bolting. "Is there breakfast?"
"Sure, Chi Chi's been up for a couple of hours now."
Gohan could see it in their faces; they knew everything. They didn't know what to say to him. His own state of mind was making the paranoia worse. Jeice looked at him, signalling him to follow as they entered the kitchen.
"Hi, Chi Chi," said Jeice.
"Morning, Jeice - " she stopped what she was doing when she laid eyes on her eldest son, who wasn't entirely looking her in the eye. "Gohan... "
"Hey, mom," he said awkwardly. They stood in silence for a few seconds before Chi Chi handed Jeice an overflowing plate of food.
"Oh, I'll leave you guys to... "
As Jeice left them alone, Chi Chi inevitably began fussing.
"My goodness, you've lost weight!" she said as she hurriedly piled meat, vegetable and rice into a bowl for him. "Here, you're going to need to eat, you look like you haven't slept!"
Gohan twitched a little at that, she wasn't wrong.
"Was your bed not okay?"
"It's fine," he said nervously, not letting on that he hadn't actually slept in it yet.
"I didn't mean to pry last night, I just had to know that... how did on earth did it all start?"
"Mom... "
"I'm sorry, I just need to know."
Gohan almost ran again. But he could see her desperation for answers; that and hearing that she'd been up for hours preparing food told him that she wasn't sleeping, which was helping neither her nor his unborn sibling.
"It just happened... " he said quietly, not wanting to go into detail.
"But how? Who initiated it?"
"Me... I went to him. I just wanted to stop feeling like this."
"Like what?"
"Empty."
"Are you... in love with him?" she asked suddenly. She misunderstood him, thinking that it was love making Gohan feel less empty.
"No," he answered, not elaborating much.
"If you don't then why are you... "
"We don't stroll around holding hands, mom," he laughed wryly.
"This is serious, Gohan. I don't like what you're doing, and what it's doing to you, I barely recognise you anymore," she sobbed as she moved closer. "What as he done to you - "
Gohan flinched away as she went to stroke his cheek; he did it out of habit. These past few weeks he'd been avoiding any hands that were about to come into contact with his face.
"Sorry," he said softly. Chi Chi was feeling hurt that her son was flinching at her touch like that.
"You need to stop this, Gohan. I know that you aren't well, but he isn't going to help you come back from it."
"I'm not coming back, mom, it's too late."
"But you can't!"
"You can't stop me," he said with a straight face. She said nothing in return, simply looking devastated as he left with his food in one hand.
"Please tell me you have alcohol here."
Gohan slumped down into his chair as he put his food down in front of him on the table.
"That bad, huh?" asked Jeice. It was just them at that particular table in the back. None of the others with Master Roshi had approached him; Gohan figured that they didn't know what to say to him. "We do as it happens, you're free to join me and the guys for a few later tonight. Recoome found an abandoned liquor store a couple of nights ago and brought a lot of it back."
"Good."
"You know, you can't spend your days here permanently wasted!"
"Can't I?"
"We need you, man. If it makes you feel any better, then you can just stick with me and Krillin, I doubt anyone's going to force you to do otherwise."
"I guess," he said, picking at his food. His normal saiyan appetite had totally diminished in the past few months; his horrific mental health led him to practically starve himself.
"What else did your mom talk to you about?"
"Um, she just asked if the bed was okay."
"And was it?"
Gohan shrugged, but then sighed. He was done lying to him, he thought that he'd might as well be honest with somebody.
"I kind of didn't sleep there last night," he said carefully. It took Jeice a while to catch on.
"So there is a reason why you look a bit... ruffled."
"Still?"
Gohan went to fix his hair as best he could, he thought that shower had washed all evidence of last night off him. Jeice was about to berate him again, but figured that it was only going to chase him away - the current situation with Chi Chi was enough to convince him to just be a confidant to Gohan instead, a friend he could talk to about anything if he needed it.
"Gohan!"
He heard little feet clambering towards him from behind as he was sat with his back to the rest of the room. He turned around to be greeted by Goten, who dived onto him a bit too energetically; Gohan tried not to wince too noticeably as his body still ached from the night before.
"Hey," he said, wearing his best fake smile.
"I missed you! Where did you go?"
"I missed you too," Gohan replied, avoiding the question completely. It hit him how long he'd been away more and more; his mother was seven months pregnant, and Goten was now 8 years old, and growing remarkably strong under the circumstances.
"Look, daddy, it's Gohan!"
Gohan looked up from his younger sibling and at Goku, that fake smile disappearing at the sight of him. He didn't know whether he was still angry at Goku or not, but if he was, then he didn't remember exactly why anymore. Then Piccolo walked in, stopping abruptly.
"What the - when did... "
"Hey," said Gohan awkwardly, Goten leaving him when little Trunks came in with Bulma and Vegeta.
"So, the rumours are true," said Vegeta, folding his arms over his chest.
"When did you get back?" asked Piccolo.
"Last night." Gohan stood up, he felt trapped sat in that chair with questions flying at him.
"Oh my goodness, Gohan!" Yet another crushing hug as Bulma dashed over; he held his breath as his pelvis took a slight knock. "Are you okay?!"
"I'm fine," he lied, feeling overwhelmed.
"Have you seen your mom?"
"Yeah."
"Where's the android?" blurted Vegeta, getting straight to business. He found tender reunions quite sickening to watch.
"Vegeta!" scolded Jeice through his teeth, not wanting Gohan to be put on the spot.
"Well?!"
"He's around somewhere," sighed Gohan.
"Does Frieza know you're here?"
"Me and the guys filled them in last night," said Jeice, taking some of the pressure off Gohan. "They know to stay hidden."
"Well Frieza's probably going to show his face in the next couple of days, so before then I'm calling a meeting first thing tomorrow. Make sure Cell is there!"
"Why me?"
"You know why," scoffed Vegeta accusingly.
As Vegeta left, Gohan couldn't help but feel all of those awkward stares, even as he sat back down and hid himself away.
Cell opened the door to his room to find Gohan sat on the floor against the bed, his head in his hands with the knife on the floor in front of him.
"Am I interrupting?" he asked, closing the door.
"Not really," replied Gohan. Cell observed Gohan's wrist bands were on the floor as well beside him, but his scarred wrists remained uncut. For now.
"Not like you to hesitate. What's changed?"
"I need to, but I can't... " said Gohan, his voice quivering as his anxiety crept up on him. "They know about us, what's to stop them knowing this?"
"I doubt self harm really compares - "
"It does.. because then they know everything about the last few years."
Cell didn't say anything but understood. Everyone knowing about what they were doing was one thing, but find out about Gohan's other problems, it would make him more vulnerable, and Gohan clearly didn't want that.
"Is there a particular reason for it today?"
Usually Gohan didn't need a reason other to fuel his addiction to it, but sometimes it was to fend off a panic attack. However, today seemed at lot worse.
"I had a talk with my mom," he sighed, lifting his head up, his eyes on the knife. "It was about you. I think out of all of them, she wants to kill you the most."
"That's almost flattering," remarked Cell as he sat on the floor beside him. "What did you say to her?"
"Why are you so interested anyway?"
"I literally have nothing better to do."
"I mostly said that she wouldn't understand. That I didn't expect her to. And that there was nothing she could do to stop me."
They sat still, in complete silence for the next ten minutes; Cell was watching Gohan mentally fight with himself over the knife in front of him, watching him go to pick it up a few times and then stop himself.
"I can always take the burden for you."
Gohan pondered that for a moment. On one hand, he wouldn't have to live with the guilt from doing it himself, but then there was surrendering all control over to Cell. Nevertheless, he moved his left arm over, where Cell took hold of it; he decided that he couldn't deal with it himself today.
"Not with my knife," he snapped as Cell reached over. He berated himself for how deranged that sounded as well.
"So... an evening of testing your pain threshold it is, then. And it's pretty high if I remember right."
"Do I get a safe word?" Gohan half-joked. He felt completely vulnerable, but at least it was in front of Cell and nobody else.
"Since when have you required a safe word?"
"To make sure I'm still alive in the morning..."
Cell laughed.
"I promise I won't kill you. Not yet, anyway."
He shuffled closer to Gohan, getting a good hold of his arm as it was turned to face up. He brushed his thumb over his scars, then pressed the sharp of his nail against his skin until it broke in. He dragged it across his wrist before releasing. He got nothing from Gohan, he wasn't even blinking.
He went back in again, opening the same wound with his nail, making it bleed more. It wasn't until the blood began dripping onto the floor that Gohan flinched.
"I thought you weren't going to kill me."
"I'm not."
"This is how I died the first time."
Cell released the pressure completely. His hand was covered in blood, as was Gohan's lower arm. But luckily after a few minutes, the wound began to clot. The android realised that cutting his wrists for him wouldn't do much, besides bleed him dry if he went to far - he was used to it after years of doing it himself.
"I've got an idea... "
Cell took him by his blood stained hand and lured Gohan towards him. Gohan ended up on his knees as Cell coaxed his right knee over himself until Gohan was straddling his lap.
"What are you doing?" asked Gohan, watching as Cell untied his belt.
"Testing your pain threshold, as promised." The android opened his shirt. "This way nobody will see it. Isn't that what you want?"
Cell suddenly pinched his right side, Gohan flinched right away, which was what he both wanted and expected. He carried on pinching him, tugging at tiny sections of his skin between his index finger and thumb, hard enough to leave a deep red mark, and sometimes a minuscule cut from his nails.
Gohan didn't find it unbearable, but it was highly unpleasant. He held onto Cell's shoulders firmly so that he could fight his instincts to stop him as he evened him out on his left side. Then came the shocks, tiny sparks of blue electricity on top of the bruises he already had from the pinches. As the shocks became bigger, his stomach muscles contracted. A noise finally escaped him as Cell placed his hand right at the centre of his torso and shocked him hard; his core tightened painfully and knocked the wind out of him.
Cell felt the grip on his shoulders increase after that. Gohan was having trouble catching his breath after that one.
"Too much?"
"No," he panted. "Do your worst."
The android let his hands travel up his sides again, further back to his flank area. Gohan was expecting another shock, but instead felt an intense heat on his back; Cell was charging a blast right up against his skin. Gohan buried his head into the side of the bed behind them as his breathing sped up, then it got too much as he began to scream. Cell stopped as soon as he felt his body tremble; he didn't want him to pass out.
Gohan said nothing as he caught his breath, and so Cell carried on, pinching on the lowest rib on his right and pressing. He could hear Gohan whimpering by his ear as the pressure increased, he could feel the bones beginning to crack between his fingers.
And then it did break, Gohan screamed at the pain as Cell didn't stop pushing on it.
"Stop! Stop... " he begged, tapping on his shoulder and lifting his head back up. He had trouble catching his breath, his chest couldn't expand that well on his right as the area around the broken rib began to swell and bruise. "Ooh, that really hurt."
"I know," smirked Cell. "I do like it when you scream." He spitefully pressed down on his rib again. Gohan fell forwards, his forehead meeting Cell's as his body shook from the pain. He cried out, punching him pathetically in the shoulder to make him stop. He attempted to gather himself once more, but something else in him faltered; he kissed Cell hard, as if to get some sort of revenge by jumping on the android's unresolved feelings about it.
Cell retaliated after a few seconds, cruelly slapping him across the face so hard that he almost fell off him. He dragged him back up by his wounded arm, delivering more pain to him by doing so.
"Had enough?"
Gohan didn't answer, but climbed off him and slumped back down next to him, his left arm held protectively over his ribs.
"Why did you cut yourself last night?" he asked tentatively. Cell shrugged.
"To see what it feels like. Didn't help."
"Help what?" Gohan observed the way the android clammed up. "You're a depressive too, aren't you?" He half expected to be punched in the face, but Cell just sighed.
"I had specific objectives drilled into my brain whilst in stasis for seventeen years, then suddenly they aren't there anymore. But I was never really meant to do anything beyond that. Hence the destruction, but even that was taken away."
"By me... looks like we really did a number on each other."
"You could say that."
"So this is - us, is all about control for you?"
"And it isn't for you?"
"No... freedom."
"Being dominated is freedom?" quipped Cell, trying to understand Gohan's logic.
"I'm free of myself, from whatever I should be doing with my life... from everyone else's expectations."
"You really hate yourself that much?"
Cell got nothing in return; when he looked at him, he saw a tear running down his face. The android outstretched his arm, catching the tear on his cheek with his finger. Gohan flinched, not even realising that he was crying.
Panic began to rise in his chest, Gohan struggled to catch his breath with his broken rib, not able to take much air in without feeling pain. Cell knew what was happening but didn't really know what to do. He shuffled closer, taking hold of his chin and giving him a passionate kiss; the shock of it seemed to calm him substantially.
As he pulled away, Gohan seemed dazed, but kissed him again for a few more seconds - and meant it. He clung to him desperately as if he was trying to stop himself from drowning.
"I love you."
Wait, what? Gohan didn't even register that those words came from his mouth until it was too late. Cell didn't look phased by it in any way, but Gohan picked up his stuff and ran as fast as he could, leaving the android to let that one sink in.
- 18
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Worlds Collide