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Memories of Me	By : Resting-Madness Category: Beyblade > General Views: 213 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own Beyblade in any way shape or form, not characters nor created universe . And I make no money with this work of fiction- duh.

Chapter List
- 18
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- 20
Falling to the floor, though unhurt from the blow; his mind didn't even register the feathery punch, but Zeta felt he owed the boy at least that much since he violated his privacy; last thing he wanted to do was humiliate him by showing him that his punch didn't hurt.
Before he could get up his brother tackled him down hoping for another swing. The two grunt and roll trying their best to get a hold of the other or ward the other off. The mini battle waged until the back of Zeta's head popped against the wall at the far end of the room.
Shocked when his brother's hands wrap around his neck, Zeta asks in confusion. "Zeo, what are you doing?"
Tears well in his eyes and his grip tightens. "Why?" He sobs out. "Why were you looking in my diary? Isn't it enough that you took my life but now you're gonna take my privacy from me."
"It wasn't like that," Zeta closes his eyes to block out the hurt in his brother's eyes that are looking too deeply at him.
Why can't he understand how much he cares about him- everyone does! But it doesn't seem to be sinking in.
"I just... you've been having such a good time, I just wanted to make sure you were feeling okay when you were alone too." Explained the created twin.
"Its not any of your business how I'm feeling," he sniffles. "What do you care anyway?" His grip around Zeta's throat loosens a bit but feeling this he latches on tightly again.
Zeo had to know that he can't hurt Zeta this way, he isn't like everyone else, you can't just squeeze his neck and get a result, it simply isn't possible. But the boy was persistant if anything. No sooner than Zeta thought this, something felt wrong and his shoulder jerked on its on accord.
The cybornetic male made a strangled sound as little jolts of electricity coursed through him. "Aaah!" He cried out wondering what was going on, then it hit him.
The wires in his neck are rubbing together! They only touch briefly to make his throat contract when he swallows, touching longer than that causes the effect that happened when he was in the tournament and first used his Chain Storm attack against Ozuma. The strain was very painful but at the time he'd thought it was his bond with Cerberus causing the pain.
He'd felt it worse when battling Kai and Tyson, but he never questioned it because he was afraid of what his father might say so he battled on for his cause until the pain ripped right through him and out his arm. That same affect is about to happen right now, and Zeo would get caught in the cross fire.
"Let go! You're hurting me!" He shouted over the noise in the back of his throat, a sort of odd robotic grinding sound tracing his words of their sharpness.
Feeling another shock run through him, he takes action balling up his fist before slamming it into the side of his brother's face to knock him. At this point he didn't care how hard it was so long as the boy released him.
Surely enough his brother fell to his butt, after which he tackled him back pinning him to the floor with his forearm. Leaning down into his face, fist in the air ready to strike the boy again for causing him pain, his fist slowly lowered upon seeing the Zeo's expression. It went from anger to fear than acceptance in an instant, and Zeta could see what Kaihou saw everytime he raised his hand or some other object to the boy. A frightened child ready to submit; the erection poking him on the butt isn't helping it.
Tears running down the sides of his eyes, he says in a small voice. "Do it... hit me... please."
Shaking a bit, tears well in his own gaze and Zeta shakes his head. "No. No I can't, and he shouldn't have either." Removing his forearm from the boy's neck, he places his hands at the sides of Zeo's head. "I want to understand you, Zeo, please don't hold anything back. I wanna know what you've been through. I wanna know, not to make fun or be sickened but because talking about it is something that you want and need."
"I can't" He sobs out. "tell anybody."
"You're wrong, you can tell me. I'm your brother. I'll listen, and I won't judge... no matter what."
Zeo just shakes his head and continues to cry.
"Why do you hold back?" Asks Zeta then continues. "Because you can't tell me how you recoil when the man touches you but you give in because its better than being beaten? Or how you hope it'll only be a beating this time around and not violation to your body? Or maybe you can't tell me how you've gotten so used to that pain you've started to consider it love."
That opened the tear soaked eyes; he turned his head to look at his brother. Wonder and fear mixed together in his eyes.
"I'm right, aren't I? You feel like you've come to love him? ...But Zeo, you only feel that way because you were with him for ten years. If you were with him, say, two weeks- or even five months, you wouldn't feel this way. You would hate him and be sickened by him. You'd be confused and maybe even silent about the whole thing; but you're so used to it its almost as if you're not even looking at the situation for what it is anymore."
"I know, and I'm sorry." Zeo says in a low tone.
Shaking his head, Zeta pulls the boy into a hug. "Don't be. Loving another male is possible, you've seen my friends together- don't they seem happy to you?"
Zeo only began to cry again.
"Zeo... you don't love that man, you've only accepted him and everything he's done to you because you've gotten used to it. Its like if someone keeps telling you you're a bad person, after a point you really start to believe that maybe you are. You've been brain washed without even knowing it."
"...But... why me?"
"I don't know why." The sobbing teen's grip around his body tightened, he clearly didn't like that reply but he wanted to hold on to the person who understood him, and made sense to him for as long as he could.
"I feel like I'm gonna be attacked in my own home." He sniffles. "He'll just appear, and hold out his hand and I'll go to him. I don't wanna feel empty, I don't wanna feel like he should have me because I've given up.." He let himself be taken by tears for a moment, then he went on. "but Zeta I don't know how to fight what my body feels or what my head wants." Squeezing his brother's shirt within his fist he shudders. "I wish I was dead, so many times I would walk around the house at night, seeing the cabin instead as I do it, and I would grab the knife and I'm ready to do it, I'm ready to shove it in... but I can't."
"Why can't you?"
Zeo shrugged. "Because I wanna feel something. Even being empty I can see people and feel them and talk with them, but if I'm dead... I've given up and that means there's nothing. How would I ever know if I had a chance? I'm not like you, I can't just take it back and everything is fine."
Zeta let that roll off, because he understands what Zeo is saying. He's thought this many times his self and he's more than ready to allow himself to be shut down for good once his friends have passed. It would be unfair to continue living without them. He even planned to learn how to create bodies for himself, as his father has, so that he can age with them. Everything he has planned for himself is for his friends, because if he had to make the choice for just himself... he wasn't sure he could be brave enough to die.
"You and your friends are so nice to each other, and I can tell you really love one another... but what about the rest? How much do you love each other when you're mad or when someone has hurt the other- would the rest hate him too? Nothing's definite Zeta, so why shouldn't I be with Kaihou?" He takes a quiet breath, his tears have ceased. "He... he cares for me even though I'm a mess, what if I don't get better and I just stay this way? Will you and Dad and your friends love me? Or will you get tired of having me around?"
"Ha." Zeta smirks. "I'm already tired of having you around." He said in all honesty. "You're rude, you dislike me, you're not even trying to get better or take anyone's advice. But I'm still here, aren't I? I haven't given up on you and I never will. That's why you can't give up on you either." He strokes his brother's long hair. "Kaihou only liked the end result of what you've become because it made him feel good that he broke someone with so much spirit. I've read your diary before remember? And I could tell you were just as much a pain in the ass then as you are now, but your parents love you. Enough that your Mother left our Dad because he was trying to replace you, and Dad because he replaced you. You were such a huge part of his life he couldn't see another day without you in it... so he made me."
Zeo never thought about it that way. His mother and his father did such drastic things because of his disappearance. They love him. And as far as he can tell they haven't stopped.
"But where's my mother?"
"Dad said he wanted to wait to call her, but Zeo she is coming. I don't know when, but he told me she'll be here."
Taking that in he nods, releasing his grip from his brother. "I'm glad. I... want to get better for everyone. I wanna show you that I have what it takes. I'll see a doctor like father says."
"Thank you."
The boy smiled weakly at his brother then turned his gaze to his diary. "Do you... wanna read it with me?" He asked shyly. "I wrote everything in it, lots of stuff that maybe you should see... if you want?"
Nodding Zeta stands helping his brother up as well and the two sit on his bed, diary in Zeo's lap, and the boy begins to the read his inner thoughts to his brother.
...
Rei cracks an eye open but remains still in his bed for a moment. He wasn't sure, but it sounded like there was someone at the door. After another moment passed and sure enough there was another knock. Getting out of bed, feet sliding into a pair of light green slippers he walks over to the door. Figuring it was one of the other tenants living in the building, his curiousity was peaked at what they could want at this hour. Pulling the door open, his curious expression changed to one of happy surprise.
"Zeo, what are you doing here?" He steps aside for his friend to come in. "Did something happen at home again?" He closes the door once the boy is on the other side. Searching for the light switch on the wall he flips it up scrunching his eyes a bit from the sudden brightness.
"Sort of, as well as, not exactly." Says Zeo walking over to the bed, the only other thing to sit on in the room is a small chair but that's on the other side of the room.
Zeo wondered briefly how Rei could stay in a place so small, it doesn't even have its own bathroom. He knew that the teen loved a simple life but he could at least move into his own place. Would he accept one if he got it for him, a one room apartment somewhere close by. Zeo turns his head when the mattress dipped down beside him.
"What does that mean? 'Sort of but not exactly'?"
Waving his comment off Zeo says, "I just meant that my brother said he had a really nice day and he was ready to hang out again with all of us anytime but, then he had to talk to these two detectives and he kind of had a fight with me because he caught me peeking into his diary."
"Mm." Rei thinks quietly a moment then asks. "What were you looking for?"
Zeo shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I was just wondering if he was lying to spare our feelings. He writes in his old diary a lot, I guess curiousity got the better of me." He looks down a bit ashamed.
Nudging him, he smiles to make him feel better. "Don't worry about it, we all get a little anxious around secrets, its human nature."
Zeo thought about that, smiling at the idea of being au natural in human behavior. Since his brother came back into the picture he hasn't felt that anything he's done has been natural. It felt, well it felt like instinct from programming, and with Zeo constantly telling him that he's not human and therefore has no feelings it can really hurt a guy. If he only knew how much.
"But you know what? He's been insecure and snippy because the whole ordeal made him question his sexuality, and being around all of you and your relationships today made it even worse. Rei," he looks at his friend, eyes serious. "He thought he was in love with that guy Kaihou."
His eyes widen in shock. He looks like someone just told him it really could rain cats and dogs then took him outside to prove it. "No way?"
"I set him straight though, I think he really understood me too."
"That's good. Imagine being in love with someone who hurt you like that. I don't know how well I'd manage either. Knowing its wrong to think that way but I can't help it."
"Mm."
They sit in silence a moment, until Zeo broke it with a sigh.
"He showed me his diary, front to back since he got home. I wasn't shocked to see all the raw emotion he had in there, but what I was surprised to see was how he was taking it. Zeo was looking at everything with sad eyes, like he didn't have a clue who wrote in his diary but he was trying to find his old self in there somewhere and couldn't. It made me realize a lot of things have to change for him to feel like he really belongs in the new family he has. His old one is gone. I'm not the one who has to adjust to him, he has to adjust to us. It has to be forwards not backwards."
"That's very smart of you, Zeo." He hugs his friend with one arm around the shoulders.
"Hahaha." He pats Rei's forearm. "That's kind of why I'm here."
"Hmm?"
"I just thought, if I'm gonna help him spring forward the least I could do is give him his looks back a little bit."
"I don't understand."
Turning to face his friend he says with a smile. "I was wondering if you would cut my hair for me?"
"I..." He furrows his brows. "Of course, but are you sure that's what you want?"
"Yeah, I've been doing a lot of thinking and this hair cut could be just what we both need. To identify ourselves as twins. I don't wanna look like him forever."
"I see," he grins. "Want a dye job while I'm at it." He laughs.
"Don't even think about it." He laughs as well.
The two head down the hall to a small bathroom. The light flickers on making the scissors gleam almost menacingly on the sink counter top. Holding a band in one hand, a comb in the other Rei looks at his friend in the mirror.
"You sure about this?"
"Yeah."
With a shrug, he says. "Alright. I'm gonna use my comb okay?"
Zeo nods.
Rei combed the blue locks into a ponytail high atop his head, then he slid it down so that the band is in the center of his back. Picking up the scissors he begins to trim downward through Zeo's mass of hair.
Zeo started to chuckle feeling his head lift a bit with each clump that fell to the floor. Laughing a bit as well, Rei leans down picking up the banded together ponytail.
"And here is your consolation prize," he snickers. "How does it feel?" He asks running the comb through it again. "Too different?"
"My poor hair, I've known it for years." Zeo pets the ponytail laughing. "It really doesn't feel so different. Ha, I'll bet I weigh twenty pounds less than when I came here."
Laughing, Rei runs a hand through his own hair, "I know what you mean." admiring himself in the mirror the Chinese male says. "Maybe I should cut mine too, you think Kai would like it?"
"Hmm. I think he cares more about you than the hair."
"I wouldn't bet on it with the way he runs his hands through it." He snickers. "Are you gonna show Ozuma?"
That seemed to dampen his mood a little. Sighing, he places his severed strands into the waste basket beside the sink. "I haven't seen Ozuma in so long. I don't think he wants to talk to me too much. At least not until I snap out of it and realize there are other people in this world besides myself."
Wincing, Rei rubs Zeo's shoulder. "He said that to you."
"Not in so many words." He closes his eyes. "I have so much insight on making my brother feel better- and my father- but when it comes to him I get all choked up."
"Do you want Max or me to talk to him for you?"
"Naah, its better I do it myself." He glances up when he feels Rei pulling his hair up into a ponytail for him. "I'm already out of the house, maybe I could see him now while I still have courage to do it."
"I think you should."
Nodding, Zeo stands from the chair. Turning his head this way and that he smiles at his reflection. "At least I have a conversation opener." Turning around, he gives Rei a hug then thanks him before walking out the door.
"Bye Zeo." He says after him, cleaning up the small bathroom.
"Bye. And good night." He dashed to the elevator giving Rei one last wave before disappearing behind the closing doors.
...
Zeo arrived at the warehouse just as the sky began to turn pink with the promise of dawn. Sliding the large metal door aside, he skims his vision around the room before settling on a pile of blankets in back. Smiling weakly, he closes the door once on the other side then strides the distance over to his sleeping teammate.
He didn't know how else to see Ozuma right now. They could be fighting or maybe they're not. It was really hard to say. But Zeo walked steadily over to the bed; like he usually does when he visiting his boyfriend late at night. With purpose and confidence. He can see the back of the his head peeking up from under the covers. He bought the futon for Ozuma when he'd told him liked staying in the warehouse; it was the most Ozuma would allow him to do for him. He wished he could do more, not understanding the simple life.
'Hn. I'm seventeen now, maybe when I'm eighteen the two of us could move in together someplace. That would be nice.' Thinks the blue haired male as he lifts the covers behind his boyfriend, then climbs into bed. Wrapping an arm securely around Ozuma's waist, he lays his chin on the males strong shoulder, cheek to cheek. He smiled when feeling Ozuma's cheek rise from his own smile.
"...I was hoping," his scratchy tone admitted softly as he opens his eyes to greet a solid gray wall in front of him. "that it would be easy like this."
"Ha." He squeezes Ozuma's waist tighter. "I guess I got tired of making things hard for you, and myself."
Nodding, Ozuma closes his eyes. "Thank you."
Shaking his head, Zeo kisses him on the cheek. "Don't thank me. I feel like I've done something wrong when people thank me for being myself."
"Okay." He turns over then wraps his arms around Zeo. "I've missed you." He pulls him closer when he feels Zeo's weight shifting from sleep taking over him.
He isn't able to hold Zeo's waist once sleep sets in, his arms could be crushed to turning blue and dying, but he liked to hold him around the shoulders anyway, he can play in the male's hair easier.
Opening his sleepy eyes, he looks at Zeo questioningly. "Zeo?"
With an impish smile, he sits up to turn his head for Ozuma to get a better look. "You like it? Rei cut if for me just a while ago. I came to show you before I went home." He grabs the ponytail giving it a testing swish back and forth.
Ozuma was speechless! A ponytail that once fell only to Zeo's ankles is now just reaching the end of his neck. What a change.
Zeo began to squirm under his boyfriend's gaze. Blushing he says. "Come on, you're gonna make me uncomfortable."
"And you're okay with it this way?"
Zeo blinked in confusion touching his hair again. "Yeah. That's why I cut it. Don't you like it."
"I love it." He reached out to give it a touch as well.
He missed touching his Zeo so much. It was almost ridiculous how lonely he felt without him. They were both being pains to each other but Ozuma felt like the biggest one of all. He felt like he had so much to apologize for.
"Zeo... I'm sor"
"Don't." He raises a hand to silence Ozuma. "I know, and it doesn't matter anymore. We're here together now, and it'll always be like this no matter what."
Laughing quietly, Ozuma pounced on Zeo dropping kisses down on his face like it were raining; enjoying the laughter from Zeo when the familiar taste of him met with his lips. Their kisses were heavy and hungry but they sought nothing more than that from each other as their laps lay comfortably fit with one anothers.
"Ozuma," he spoke between kisses. "I want for you... to keep coming over... to the house... please don't avoid it anymore." His heated sigh interrupted his words and he kissed his boyfriend a bit longer before continuing on.
Ozuma's tongue slid into his mouth touching playfully to his own brushing the inside of his cheek.
"I want for you to be both of our friend, and my lover still. Please."
Ozuma shakes his head. "Don't say 'please' when asking me for things, I'll give you whatever you want Zeo."
Smiling, he was glad to hear 'Zeo'. It didn't even sound like he were struggling to say it or forcefully over saying it to make him feel wanted. He was just being Ozuma, and he could tell that his boyfriend is as sorry as he is about everything. A familiar nudge coming from their pants caught their attention and their hips complied to their need by grinding against the other person's hardened body.
- 18
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Memories of Me