DBZ, Celebrity Deathmatch Style

Johny: Okay, folks, we're back!
Nick: Johny, this is going to be an interesting one. The two genetically engineered super
freaks Mew2 of Pokemon and Cell of DBZ are going to go at it!
Johny: Nick, this is going to be brutal! Both are known for their violence and inhumanity.
Please, folks, put the women and children to bed on this one!
Nick: Well, let's go down to the ring where Cell and Mew2 are waiting to begin.
Mills: Okay you two, I want a nice clean…
Johny: What the hell? Who's that coming down to the ring?
Nick: I don't believe it! It's MrSubway2, the author! What the hell is he doing? The fights
about to start.
Mills: Okay, son. There are no unauthorized people allowed…
MrSubway2: (snatches the mike from Mills Lane's hand) Finally, MrSubway2 has come back
to Fanfiction.net!!!!
Crowd: SUBWAY! SUBWAY! SUBWAY! SUBWAY!
MrSubway2: Look, Mills. I'm a huge fan of yours. But, I'm also a big Cell fan, so I'm
stepping in to referee this match. Please go to ringside and wait until it's over.
Mills: Now, look here son, I'm the ref here. I'm the only one qualified to referee a match on
Celebrity Deathmatch!
MrSubway2: Let me put this another way. IF YOU DON'T GET YOUR ASS OUT OF THIS RING
RIGHT NOW, I'LL WRITE YOU INTO THE NEXT CHAPTER WITH BOOBS AND A DRESS AND
MAKE YOU MY BITCH!
Mills: Yes, sir.
Johny: Can you believe this guy? Who in the hell does he think he is?
MrSubway2: I'm the author, punk. I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm your daddy so
you'd better not piss me off!
Johny: As I was saying, MrSubway2 is just the man to referee a match of this caliber!
Nick: No doubt.
MrSubway2: Okay. Cell, you were without a doubt my favorite villain in DBZ.
Cell: (evil smirk) Thank you.
MrSubway2: And, Mew2, you were actually the only Pokemon alive that I thought was
actu kin kind of cool.
Mew2: (speaking telepathically) Thank you.
MrSubway2: So, I don't want any sort of a clean fight. You guys do whatever the hell you
want! If a few audience members or staff get dusted, too bad! Pull out all the stops! Now,
for the thousands in attendance, and the millions reading around the world…LET'S GET READY
TO RUMBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Michael Buffer's attorney: Man, is he pushing it with this one.
The Rock's attorney: You're not kidding!
Cell: Mew2, what the hell are you supposed to be? A dinosaur?
Mew2: I am the ultimate Pokemon creation. I am the future ruler of this planet. I am…
Cell: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be prepared to taste the wrath of perfection!
Nick: Jesus! The egos around here are wild! Between Subway, Mew2 and Cell, I don't know
who's the bigger asshole!
MrSubway2: What was that, bitch?
Nick: Nothing, sir.
Johny: And Cell and Mew2 are staring each other down. The tension is so thick you could cut
it with a knife! And look, Cell is flying straight at Mew2!
Nick: Yes, but Mew2 has put up a force field stopping Cell in his tracks! Cell can't get close
enough to deliver a blow!
Cell: What is this?
Mew2: Obviously, you're used to the weak DBZ force fields. Now, let me show you what else
I can do.
Johny: And look at this, Nick. Mew2 has stuck out his hand and sent Cell flying! Mew2 hits
without even throwing a punch! Amazing1
Nick: Very! With Mew2's psycho power, he doesn't even have to waste energy moving! And
because he physically doesn't move, I don't think Cell can sense his power level.
Johny: Now what's Cell trying?
Cell: Special beam cannon!
Nick: Wow! It's Piccolo's special beam cannon! And with Cell doing it, it's even more lethal.
Mew2: Cute.
Johny: Oh, wow! Mew2 has teleported himself out of the way! The beam cannon has flown
into the audience, killing several of them.
MrSubway2: I'll allow it.
Cell: I will find a way to hit you, you bastard!
Nick: Now Cell has flown at Mew2 and is throwing punches and kicks at super speed!
Gohan: Come on, Cell! Kick his ass!
Nick: How can Gohan cheer for Cell after the hell they put each other through?
Johny: It's called respect, Nick. The two warriors have a deep respect for each other after
their epic battle. And, since Goku's alive again, Gohan has no reason to hold a grudge.
Nick: Meanwhile, Mew2 has turned himself transparent and none of Cells blows are striking!
Cell: Damnit!!!!
Mew2: Try this! BOOOOOOOMM!!!!!!
Nick: Holy crap! Mew2 has caused some sort of explosion! Cell's been knocked into the third
row!
Johny: I never thought I'd say this, but it looks like the mighty Cell is outclassed!
Cell: I can't believe this! I, the mighty Cell, am being beaten by this biped! I'm even in my
perfect form!
Mew2: It's time to end this! I call upon all my power!
Johny: Oh my God! Cell seems to be ballooning out! Mew2 has actually gathered energy
inside Cells body, turning him into a living grenade!
Cell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (BOOOOOOOOOOOMM)
Nick: Wow! There's nothing left of Cell but an arm! Mew2 has done it!
Crowd: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Mew2: Yes! I am victorious! Well, what are you waiting for, Subway? Declare me the
winner!
MrSubway2: (with an evil smirk) How do you know you've won, yet? Haven't you done your
homework?
Nick: What in the hell is he talking about now?
Johny: Look! Cells arm is beginning to twitch! What the HELL??
Nick: THAT'S RIGHT! CELL CAN REGENERATE BECAUSE OF PICCOLO'S CELLS!!!
Johny: Uh, oh!
Cell: (reforms completely) Ah! That's always refreshing!
Mew2: What…GAAAAAAAKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!
Nick: Holy crap! Cell took advantage of Mew2's shock and, moving at super speed, has
grabbed him around the neck!
Johny: And, since Mew2's physically nothing more than a kangaroo on steroids, he could be in
trouble! He possesses no physical strength! All his power comes from his mind!
Mew2: No one has ever been able to get close enough to me to do this! How did
you…(gurgle)
Mew2's bones and internal organs: SNAP, CRACKLE, POP!
Cell: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Johny: Holly shit! He's just crushed Mew2 like an empty Diet Pepsi can! The horror!
Nick: And now he's throwing the corpse into the air!
Cell: TRI BEAM!!!!!!!
Mew2's dead body: KABLAMO!
MrSubway2: Your winner, CELL!!!!!!
Crowd: Per-fec-tion! Per-fec-tion! Per-fec-tion!
Cell: (grabs the mike) Thank you! But, I'd like to announce my retirement from fighting!
I'm hereby going to actively pursue my music career. I've been offered a million dollar deal
with Virgin Records! I'm gonna be livin' large, maybe make myself some nice genetically
engineered hoes, and move to Florida! See ya!
Nick: Wow! Can you believe that!
Johny: Well, I wish him the best of luck!
Nick: What the hell? MrSubway2 is coming up here.
MrSubway2: Fellas, I'm going to be announcing with you for the rest of the fic. I trust you
don't mind.
Nick: Not at all.
Johny: Cool.
MrSubway2: Thought so. Our next bout will feature Bulma against Misty in a catfight!
Everyone: Yes! CATFIGHT!
MrSubway2: Thank you. Of course this will be a catfight to the death! So, stay tuned! We'll
be back right after I go get a soda and rest my fingers