Vindicated

Yes, I have returned from the dead. Or something like that. Anyway, I just discovered this fic lying around and don’t even remember writing it. But it looks real good now and so here is the next chapter. It been about three years, but I hope any of you guys will like this. Took me long enough.

Disclaimer: Do I look like Akira Toriyama? No. Well then you know the deal.

Vindicated Chapter Two- Selfish

What happened to the times I hated him and I could say that with enthusiasm and truth in my voice? Wasn’t there such a time?

Oh, yes, that’s what happened. I fell in love.

I swear it snuck up on me, like a stealthy black cat, looking to claw me open and pour its self in. I tried to ignore it, fight it, act as if it were something that would pass. A phase, perhaps? If only I could. I couldn’t. I was weak.

I don’t really know how it happened, things just got too comfortable between us. We were friends. He confided in me when things weren’t hunky dory with his demon wife, and I…listened. But when it was my time to confide in him, all he said was, “

'Of course 'Geta you’re my friend!’”

Friend? That wasn’t what I asked. I asked, stupidly might I add, if he thought of me as more than a friend. An obvious question. That was his answer. Then he scratched his head in that annoying way he does and asked me what I meant. Nothing. I didn’t mean anything by it, if he couldn’t tell, then it meant nothing. I’ve been avoiding him since.

I am an infidel. I have a wife, children, a family. But I can’t help but want more than what I never deserved in the first place. I find myself needing more, something to fill the gap. There is a gap in my life and it spans from the time I began to feel this way, until now. I don’t really know how to explain it, I just don’t feel the same way I did about my life anymore.

Suddenly, Bulma, Trunks, and Bulla aren’t enough, I don’t need them as much as I thought I did. I need him. I admit it, after years of trying to turn it into something else, I need him. Wanting him was something I felt years ago, when I thought that maybe a good fuck would get him out of my system. But now, I need him, yearn for him. I am a fucking weakling.

How did this happen to me?

I shake my head now, like I don’t know how, but deep inside, I do. I suppose the more appropriate question would be, why did this happen to me. The how is now clearer to me than it ever was, right after he rejected me. I can call it that, it’s okay, I find it better than telling him everything. I merely implied about our relationship, if you could call it that, and I got an honest answer in return. It could have been worse. Thanks to my better judgment, I was delicate with the situation, and only fractionally revealed what I knew he could not see. He would never see. I won’t allow him to, that window has closed.

And now, I wait. My family will have to suffice now. I know it is unfair to them, even if they don’t know, it isn’t fair. I was stupid. Ready to give them up for him. They wouldn’t have stood a chance. I can’t say I would have tried to save what Bulma and I have. She’s in love with me, but I could care less. Heartless, really. But I’m selfish and am only concerned about what I want. His reaction? A lesson in humiliation. It could have been far worse. Things are going good at home, though I would rather be elsewhere, I try to relax and live with what I have and accept what I don’t. It isn’t easy. But, I do what I can.


I can’t get a damn moments peace in this house sometimes and today is one of those days my daughter is as bitchy as her mother. There’s a reason for that, something to do with blood. I shrug it off and dismiss her with a grunt, turning away from her shrill voice. Something about I don’t pay attention to her, I’m not really listening.

*She’s right.*

So what?

The annoying little cuss in my head called a conscious just popped up one day, unwanted and unexpected. It hasn’t gone away since.

*Well, you know it isn’t right, now.*

Now?

*Yes. Is there a reason you’re ignoring them?*

Her.

*No, them. You are ignoring all of them. You’ve tried not to pay attention to it, but you should.*

Why should I? That I’m here alone should be enough for them.

*That they’re there alone should be enough for you.*

Mind your own business!

The damn thing laughs.

*Your mind is my business. Now, I know why you’re ignoring them. You still have hope. Maybe he’ll understand one day?*

Fuck you.

*Or, maybe, you’re planning on trying again. You want to, what’s stopping you?*

Nothing. Leave me alone.

*I can’t do that. You aren’t even here, you’re stuck in your feelings, you aren’t with your family. You never will be again. So, I have a theory.*

I don’t want to hear it.

*But, you do. You’ve been trying to stray from it, but you must remember that it’s my job to bring you back. I can’t let you slip. You must try to show him physically.*

Are you suggesting that I sleep with him?

*No. I meant, do things for him, go see him. He’s alone, you know. Chichi is gone, he could use the company. He’s probably wondering why you don’t want to see him anymore. After all, it isn’t his fault he’s too dense to grasp your failed attempt at a confession.*

I…you know I can’t. I won’t. If I do, and he doesn’t feel the same, then my efforts will have been in vain. It’s better not to try. Leave it alone, I will eventually get over it. It’s just taking some time.

*Don’t do that. I am you conscious, I know as well as you do that that won’t happen. You’ve been pining away for years and you aren’t getting older any faster. You’ve got the rest of your life ahead of you, and you know how long that is.*

Except, nobody asked you! I will do what I want when I want. You can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do, just fuck off and leave me alone. I don’t need a voice in my head telling me----

Fuck! I don’t want to finish the thought, but it already knows what I was going to say. Its laugh resounds in my head, making me aware that I can’t hide from it. As annoying as the voice is, it may be right.

*May be?*

It was worth a try. I could do it under friendly pretenses, he wouldn’t know. That way, I can work my way in and see what he feels. His mate, the demon woman, passed on not too long ago. I wasn’t there to listen to him hurt. Not then. I didn’t want him to see how relieved I was that she was gone. He would hate me for it. My own wife, Bulma is getting old and will not live much longer. I will out live her for many more decades and then I too will be alone. Would it be so bad for me to try? If it doesn’t work, I don’t know what I’ll do. I’ve already come so far, it might not be safe for me to go any farther. I should leave it alone.

My legs betray me and straighten as I stand and move to the door. I suppose I know where I’m going but when Bulla asks, I tell her I don’t know. I can feel him, his Ki is still and even. He’s sleeping. I want to turn back, but I can’t, something is lifting me into the air and dragging me to his house in the woods.

About 20 minutes later, I end up at his door, my arm raised in midair, ready to knock. My hand stays this way for several minutes until I realize what a fool I must look like, even though no one can see me. I bring my knuckles down on the wood hard, and step back. His Ki shifts, he’s awake. I knock again and wait. The door opens a few seconds later and the first stupid thing I do is make him see the effect his presence has on me. My face heats up and I feel my cheek bones tingling. Damnit!

“Vegeta? What are you doing here?”

My mouth doesn’t want to open, for fear that I will say something and fuck it all up.

“You came to spar? Well, I just woke up and I kind of wanted to spend the day relaxing. Maybe tomorrow.” He goes to close the door, not giving me a chance to speak. My arm shoots out and stops him, my head down and my feet spread.

“I, uh, did not come here to spar. I…” I mumble the last part.

“What? Vegeta, you have to talk louder than that, I can’t hear you.”

“I said, I wanted to…hang out.” He looks skeptical for a moment and hikes a dark eyebrow. “With me?” I can’t help it, he’s so damn idiotic sometimes.

“No, with the Easter bunny!” I roll my eyes and he gives me a hurt look before turning his back on me. “I hope you didn’t come here to ridicule me. You can imagine my surprise that you want to hang out with me at all. It’s not like you normally do that.”

I don’t. But what am I supposed to say to that?

“Can I come in?”

He says nothing and moves from the door way to allow me passage into his home. I’ve only ever been here a total of two times and I still glare in disdain at the homely-ness of this place. He hasn’t changed a thing since she died. I guess he doesn’t know much about housekeeping and all that shit Bulma babbles about.

“So, why do you want to hang out with me? We haven’t seen each other in four years and you suddenly come over here to hang out. Care to tell me why?”

Not really. But I nod my head anyway and take a seat on one of the cheap wooden chairs. “I just do. Do I really need a reason?”

“I would like to know. Of course, you could just leave me alone and go back home.” Kakarot has changed quite a bit since his harpy bit the dust, he isn’t as cheery as he was before. I’m not sure I fancy the change. “That won’t be necessary, I only came here because I felt that as the last remaining full blooded Saiyans, we sh----

“It would be something like that. Vegeta, I’m not in the mood to hear all this stuff about being a Saiyan. I know, I just want to live the way I want, not pretending that I am a part of a race that has dwindled to a handful. Please, if you came to hang out with me, then don’t talk about that.”

My eye twitches angrily and I fight off the urge to tell him that he is a third class nobody with the IQ of a house plant. Instead, I silently comply with his wishes and drum my fingers on the table, waiting for him to strike up a conversation.

“So, why have you been avoiding me for the past four years?” I knew I should have picked a topic. “How is Goten, I hear he’s found himself a potential mate. Trunks is still----

“I asked you a question and that isn’t the answer.” I shrug, hoping he’ll forget about it and find something else to talk about. His mouth bends into an annoyed frown. No such luck. “Well then, leave. I don’t even know why you came here in the first place.” He gets up and open the front door, and I follow him but when I get to the door, I grab it and close it. “What are you doing?” He asks. “Kakarot, you know I’m not going to get all mushy and tell you I missed you. I haven’t changed as you have, don’t expect me to say that.”

“Is that what you wanted to say? You missed me?” His face is damn near glowing now, a big stupid grin on. Shit, I underestimated his intelligence. I won’t do it again.

“That’s not….I…have gone a while without seeing you and I…” I can’t find another way of saying it. Everytime I try, the word ‘miss’ comes to mind. I miss him, yes, but I don’t want to tell him that. He’s still smiling, almost making me smile as well. He appears to like that I missed him, telling him won’t do any harm.

“Alright, I missed you.” I cross my arms over my chest haughtily and look away from his bright façade. “I knew it!” Of course you did. His face goes blank and he stops smiling. Something is wrong. “What do you want to do? I don’t really want to spar and I don’t have anything you would like to do.” He’s right. That’s fine with me, I only came here to be near him, as dumb as that sounds. I will do the talking.

“How have you been? I mean, your woman…”

“Chichi.”

“Chichi.” I grit.

“I’m fine. I’m lonely, but fine. I miss her, you know? Things obviously aren’t the same.” He sighs and rubs his forearm, now looking dejected and sad. To lighten the mood, I ask him again how his son is. “He’s got himself a new place and his girlfriend proposed to him. Reminds me of Chichi, she tricked me into this marriage thing, I didn’t know anything about it, but she was the one that took the first step.”

That didn’t work. I try to sound as caring as possible, even though I could care less what his dead wife did. My voice comes out rougher than I intended. “The woman is gone now Kakarot, it’s time for you to move on. You’ve had two and a half years to grieve.”

I don’t want to make it seem as if I don’t care to hear what he has to say, but I would rather not give anything away. I am still me, and that has changed very little over the years.

Kakarot’s eyes roam all over the kitchen, no doubt remembering her. “It’s hard. She’s everywhere, I can’t escape it. Not sure I want to.” He smiles sadly and sits across from me, looking like a lost dog. I hate that! He’s always looking like he wants someone to feel sorry for him and I can’t do it. I can’t feel sorry for him, I won’t. What is he trying to do to me?
I should never have come here, I can’t hold this charade up like I thought I could.
“Kakarot, do you think we could talk about something other than your wife?” He looks up, like he didn’t know it was bothering me.

“Oh, sorry Vegeta. I just miss her. Anyway, how are things with Bulma and Trunks and Bulla?”

“Fine.” This conversation wasn’t my idea of hanging out, now I have to find a way to do something we would both enjoy because I am not the best conversationalist in the world.

“Kakarot, are you willing to leave this house?”

“No. I don’t have anywhere to---

“I meant for an outing. I don’t want to stay here and it looks like you are going to lose your mind in this place. I have a place in mind we can go to get your mind off of things.” What a stupid idea, but I would try almost anything to get him to stop thinking about her. He consents to my request and leaves me for a moment alone to change. I feel like a fool, being soft and nice to placate this idiot, really, I wouldn’t have ever come to see him if not for this. This…is…this is stupid, I have to get out of here.

Getting up to leave, I get no farther than the door before he descends the stairs. “Where are you going?” I turn to him and suck my teeth under my breath. He is at the bottom of the stairs dressed in a blue V-neck sleeveless gi and turquoise green pants with black boots.

And to make things worse, it looks like he’s gotten taller. I’m caught so now I have to go through with this. If I leave him now, he will not forgive me, so I walk outside and levitate off the ground. “It’s not far.”

With me leading, we take off for the most secluded area I could find. The trip is silent and I try my hardest not to let my eyes venture over to him. I want to look but if I do, I will not just look, I’ll stare. Hard. So I keep my eyes trained straight ahead and blast off westward until I can see the mountainous area and a large waterfall.

We have arrived. Kakarot stares in awe at the place and I smirk. It is very beautiful, with the widest space of dark green grass and a forest not far from the mountains. I have good taste.

“Woah, Vegeta, how did you find this place?”

“Would it make your reaction any different?”

“No.”

“Then don’t worry about it.” I walk over to a hole in the wall of a mountain and go in, not waiting for him to catch up. The baka gasps in surprise when he follows me and enters the cave. Inside, is another, smaller waterfall, and it already had the furnishings of civilization. He realizes this instantly. “Vegeta, do you stay here?” He isn’t as dumb as I thought. “Sometimes, I come here to think and get away.” “Away from what?” I ignore his question and sit down cross legged, waiting for him to give up so I can tell him of my plans.

“Vegeta?”

“What?”

“Why do you come here? I mean, you have a great life at Capsule Corp. I thought you were starting to like it there.”

“That isn’t your strongest ability. Never assume anything about me that I don’t make blatantly clear.” I sniff and silently berate myself when a look of hurt etches across his face. “Now, I have some activities for us to do. Have you ever been hunting?”

His eyes light up like a fools and he wriggles around excitedly. “Stop that!” I snap, putting my hand up to still him. Damn, so childish, it makes me want to just smack him upside his head. “So have you?”

“Yeah! I caught my own food since I was a kid. I like fishing mostly but I like the taste of dinosaur once in a while. If it’s cooked just---

“Well then, I guess you haven’t.” I interrupt and the baka gives me a confused look, cocking his head to the side dare I say….cutely.

“But I just told you I did. Weren’t you listening?”

“What are you implying, Kakarot? I’m not stupid or deaf. I heard you tell me you like to play for food. As a survival method, you went out for your meals before you met your wife who cooked for you.” I pause to see if he’s going to get all misty eyed and continue when only a fleeting look of remembrance flashes in his eyes. “But the kind of hunting I’m talking about is for sport, raw thrill and animalistic pleasure.”

He blinks. “It’s a Saiyan thing.” He nods and smiles, scooting closer to me. I want to move, before something happens that I don’t want, but he loudly exclaims, “Like a game?” Now he is too annoying for his proximity to bother me, I suppose I can tolerate it so long as he doesn’t tempt me. Maybe I might forget the fact that I’m courting him willingly, his childishness may see to that.

“Yes, somewhat. But we aren’t playing a game for leisure but for pleasure and satisfaction. The activity is not a game so much the thing you are hunting. It’s different from what humans think of hunting. We do it for the blood. Haven’t you ever wanted to…see something die?”

He gasps, going all prim and proper all of a sudden. “No! I only hunted to survive!”

“Well, there you have it. Survival of the fittest. You can’t lie to me, you haven’t ever gotten a thrill just seeing the blood your own handiwork produces? Come on, I know you have.” He just glares defiantly at me, trying not to show me that I’m right. I know I am.

“It wasn’t my fault. They we…you know, I liked to see that I….come on Vegeta….what is this leading to?”

You really want to know now?

“Nothing. I just want to teach you how to hunt the CORRECT way. Saiyan style.” Letting it sink in, he shrugs and then looks to me.
“You never answered my question.”

“What?”

“Why have you been avoiding me for the past four years? You didn’t think I would just forget that did you? You were avoiding me out of purpose, and not so much that you couldn’t see me. Not that you needed to. Still, it would have been nice to be told when I’m not wanted.”

Oh, but you are wanted. I open my mouth and surprisingly enough, nothing comes out. What the hell? Say something, I mentally scream at myself.

“You didn’t miss me that much, did you? Cant be, not when you gave yourself a reason to, I didn’t run away from you---

“I did NOT run away!”

“Then why have you been avoiding me? Ever since that day that you said something about us being friends. I thought you would want to see me after that. I don’t know what happened to upset you but, I want to know.”

“No you don’t.” I shake my head.

“Yes I do.” He’s persistent, and I am trapped between wanting to blurt out the truth and telling him a lie that I have not yet come up with. Damn him for being even the least bit perceptive! “Listen, it’s not something I want to tell you right now.” He’s going to have to wait. “I’ve waited for four years.”

“What?”

“Tell me. I deserve to know, especially if it’s my fault you didn’t want to see me anymore. Was it something I said?” This is no longer working, and so I turn away from him, getting up to leave. I’m not doing this anymore, I don’t care if he never knows. He can guess for all I care. He can be as angry at me as he wants but if he knew what kind of pressure I’m under, he may as well---

“Where are you going now?! You brought me all the way out here for what? Is it really something you don’t want to tell me? Fine then, don’t talk, I don’t care anymore. I was only trying to help, but you’re being such a bastard isn’t worth it!”

“Forget about it Kakarot.” I keep walking, not trusting myself to look back. This, I cannot do. I tried, I can’t be blamed for that, he just wouldn’t understand how I am. Telling him will only make things worse than they already are. I came here to form something, I don’t know, something between us so that he would open up to me a bit more.

It was all about me, I was too selfish and now I can’t handle the consequences. I fell in love with this fool, but I don’t want to change who I am because of it. I tried, really, I did, but this isn’t me, I cannot act like someone I’m not, even if it is the only thing necessary to get what I want.

It was all about me from the start, I never considered what he wanted, and now I know what that is. He wants me to change, but I will not. Why should I? He isn’t really worth all the trouble. Right?

“Vegeta!”

I step out of the cave and don’t say another word, blasting off into the air, towards anywhere that will get me away from here. He doesn’t give chase and I sigh in relief. It is better that he does not follow me anyway. Grabbing the sides of my head, I thwart the urge to scream in agonizing anger and guilt. Damn it! I spent all this time trying to figure out a way to get to him and I couldn’t even find my balls when the time came for me to tell him. Nothing is going to work, so now I suppose my time will be better spent trying to find a way to deal with this.

Stupid baka! He was pushing me, he was the idiot that lead me to this, it’s all his fault. My Ki cracks around me in a vain effort to ward off a scream, but it’s hardly working. If I scream now, he will hear me and come running like the gallant and concerned friend he was to everyone else. But, damn, I don’t want that! I tried that friendship crap and all it got me was a nosy prick and fucked up conscious.

Well, one thing is for certain. I never want to see that third class reject again! I hate him.