Furry Madness

Part 2

It was a good thing Fury was a fast climber. The others were able to catch up to Alphonse just as he was starting to climb after the mouse boy. Edward pounced on his brother and they rolled around like any pair of kittens, nipping and pawing at each other. Obviously, Alphonse was the one to pin down his brother and claim victory. But he had regained his calm and did not try to jump on Fury when Hawkeye and Havoc finally talked the young officer into coming down from the roof.

Before anything else, they all went back to Roy’s office. The last thing they needed was to be seen and get chased by guards. Edward closed the door he’d made in the wall and Roy asked them all to settle down while he tried to make sense out of this situation.

The Colonel’s gaze swept over his crew, assessing everybody’s condition. Fury, Breda and Farman looked like small creatures, mice or other, while Havoc had the obvious attributes of a raccoon, complete with the marks around his eyes. Hawkeye for her part had dark wings tearing through the back of her uniform, but it was hard to tell from which bird they were. Roy would have placed his bet on a bird of prey really. Edward, Alphonse and himself were coupled with cats.

“Somebody has been playing chimera-maker, and messed up,” growled Edward.

“Agreed Fullmetal.” Mustang sighed. “And I believe I know exactly whose fault this is.”

“Tell me, I’m gonna go and rip their throat out,” snarled Ed, cat ears flat against his head.

“Calm down Fullmetal. Be a good kitty.”

“WHO ARE YOU CALLING-“ Alphonse restrained his brother, a paw over his mouth. He even began to lap at Edward’s ears until his brother calmed down, looking pleasantly surprised at how nice it felt. Ed started to purr, anger forgotten.

Roy quirked an eyebrow but decided it was not the time to play driving-Ed-up-the-walls. “As I was saying…I believe I know who did this. Edward, Alphonse, with me. Hawkeye, please, watch over the others. Keep them here. We can’t let too many people know something is wrong.”

“Yes, sir.”

The Elric brothers followed Mustang outside and Hawkeye locked the door behind them. The trio warily strode through empty corridors – they really didn’t need any extra trouble – until they reached a door leading to the basement. Roy marched down in the darkness, snapping his finger to create a dancing flame. It wasn’t easy to snap with hands that were suddenly larger in order to hold claws. His gloves were ruined, but still working. The three alchemists quietly walked down the flight of stairs, the boys wondering just where they were going.

There was candlelight down in the cave, and, to the boys’ surprise, somebody was perched on a desk over piles of documents. It was female, apparently wearing a huge black cape, and muttering to itself. Arrays covered the ground, and Edward easily identified the one which’s irresponsible use had made chimeras out of them.

“Darkness, come over here,” barked Roy. The girl jumped and fell off the desk with a squeal. She peeked out a moment later and scurried over.

“Sir,” she murmured. Edward realized it wasn’t a cape she had on her back, but wings. He found out he saw very well despite the low light, and so he was able to figure out she had bat wings folded around her shoulders and strange long ears on her head.

“Fullmetal, Alphonse, this is the Darkness Alchemist. Brilliant mind, very good in research, but horrible with practical alchemy. To this day I wonder how she passed the practical examination. By accident surely.” Roy snapped at the woman again. “Now, what the hell did you do to us?”

“I…I’m working on Shou Tucker’s research,” she squirmed, trying not to gape at them with horror. “I was studying his animal chimeras. I thought I could practice a little while there were nobody around.”

“Most people usually arrive here at eight. Seven is not a safe hour to do these things,” growled Roy. He would have liked to just strangle the girl but that would not solve the problem. He realized now this could not be undone in a day. He needed the pest alive.

“Seven?” the girl fumbled to find her silver watch and read it to the candlelight. “Oh, oh. Seven already? I should have gone to bed two hours earlier. I thought it was still the middle of the night. I’m sorry!”

“You better be. Don’t expect to sleep any time soon, Darkness. I want you to find a way to restore all of us, immediately!”

The girl looked terrified. “But..but…if I lost control with this…how am I going to…”

“Fullmetal will do it. Just work out the theory and array. No rest until you’re done. Am I clear?”

“Yes, sir…”

Roy turned to go, trying to think about what the heck he was going to tell the Fuhrer, when another question came to his mind. “What animals were you experimenting with?”

The Darkness Alchemist counted on her fingers as she named the creatures. “Um, two cats, a raccoon, a fox, a bird, a pair of hamsters.”

“Only two cats? We’re three here.”

“Oh, um, sir, I believe you got my black panther.”

“Panther?” repeated Roy. He’d heard right, hadn’t he? He felt a headache building. “Who allowed you to keep that?”

The girl squealed. “Sir, the Fuhrer did! She’s really well trained, she’s not a danger to anyone!”

“She?” Roy breathed deeply. “I hope I won’t have cause to charcoal you, Darkness. Now, what about mice, did you have mice?”

“No, sir. But there probably were some down here…I didn’t have a bat either…”

Okay, he just didn’t want to know. “Just find the solution, NOW.”

“Yes, sir!” The batgirl dove behind her desk and an urgent sound of pen on paper rose.

“Boys,” called Roy. Predictably, the pair had wandered closer to the array to examine it. They seemed done, turning around to follow the Colonel back upstairs. “Did you learn anything? Can you undo it?”

“Nope,” answered Edward. “She’s got a different way to work. It’s very messy. It’d take much longer for us to figure out what the heck she was supposed to be doing than for her to find how to reverse it.”

“Hopefully,” darkly answered Roy, mood sinking further. “The Fuhrer will be here any minute now.”

“Well, if the Fuhrer knew she was here, he can’t blame us for getting caught in her mistake,” said Alphonse as they climbed the stairs. “We’re not in trouble, are we?”

“We’ll see.” There were a few people around now, but they all looked away when Roy growled deeply at them.

“Hawkeye is the bird. Breda is a hamster. Havoc is the raccoon,” began Edward.

“We’re the cats. Fury is a mouse. Farman is a hamster too. Mustang is a panther,” continued Alphonse.

“But what about the fox? Who got the fox?”

Roy snarled. “I’m sure whoever it is will come running to us soon enough.”

And he did. A man with a fox tail and ears dived at Roy, ready to strangle him; “Mustang! This is not funny!”

“I didn’t do it,” dryly replied the man, dodging.

Hughes had already paused, staring at the three of them. “Oh, I guess not. What happened?”

“The Darkness Alchemist,” sighed Mustang.

“She’s still alive?” Hughes rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Haven’t heard of her for a while. She never comes out of the cave, does she?”

“Apparently not. She’s working on the solution. For now…we try not to eat each other,” spoke the Colonel with a side look at Alphonse who blushed and murmured an apology. “It’s not just the four of us either. My entire crew was affected, along with your subordinate.”

“Warrant Officer Farman? It’s the last time I let you borrow him, Mustang. What is he?”

“A hamster…”

The first thing they heard nearing the office was Hawkeye barking; “Get out of the garbage can, Havoc!”

“I’m smelling food,” complained Havoc’s voice. They walked in as he was throwing papers aside to uncover a half sandwich. Mustang remembered throwing it away because he wasn’t hungry for it. Sure, it had only been around paper, so it was probably safe to eat, but watching Havoc sniff it and stuff it into his mouth was still disturbing.

“Second Lieutenant Havoc, please behave yourself,” growled Roy.

“I’m sorry, Colonel. It’s hard to ignore it.”

“Yes, I’m aware of that. I have the strongest urge to snap your neck and eat you. But you don’t see me do that, do you?”

Havoc backed up. “No, sir.”

Alphonse blinked at Breda. He’d gone to sleep, curled into a tight ball while Farman was idly walking around, apparently fighting not to do the same. The boy asked timidly, “Where’s Fury? Is he alright?”

“Hiding from you, behind the couch,” pointed out Hawkeye. She was standing on Roy’s desk and seemed to be trying to convince herself to get down. “The only good news is that I am not a bird of prey. I won’t try to eat anybody.”

“Good to hear First Lieutenant. Because I do not think it would be wish for the three – four of us to stay around them. We will isolate ourselves in a nearby office.”

“No, no, I’m fine,” said Hughes. “I’ll go back to work. These ears are fantastic for my job.”

“You stay here until the Fuhrer decides what to do with us,” snapped Mustang. He was not in the mood to discuss.

“Wise decision,” spoke the voice of the Fuhrer, on cue. The three felines jumped, tail puffing up and claws extending. They faced the man and fought to calm down. Their feline part did not like being surprised like that; they hadn’t heard him come at all.

“Fuhrer, sir. We have a problem.”

“Yes, I see that,” the man’s calm was unnerving. Didn’t anything faze him? “Do not worry, I believe you took the correct decision. All I’m going to ask is for all of you to take a little vacation together and wait. Colonel, I believe you still own your family’s mansion? The author just told me you have one.\"

“I do?\" Roy blinked. \"Er, I mean...Yes, sir.”

“Would you mind hosting your crew? I would prefer if you all stayed together until this issue is solved.”

“We’ll do as you wish, sir.”

Hughes stepped forward. “With all due respect sir, I would prefer to stay at work. I don’t feel hindered by this and there are some urgent matters I must attend to.”

The fuhrer gave Hughes a long glance with his one eye and nodded. “Very valiant of you. You may remain. You will also be in charge of informing the others of any progress.”

“Yes, sir.”

And that is how they filled two cars to get half across the city to Mustang’s family mansion.