Fortune Cookie Bonanza Cake
folder
Fullmetal Alchemist › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,627
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Fullmetal Alchemist › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
1,627
Reviews:
11
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Drinkin Party
A/N: I don\'t own FMA. Do you concur?
\"Ok, this is how this works. Are you listening, motherfucker?!!\" Hughes shouted, poking at Roy. The Colonel was three sheets to the wind and had to be propped up against the desk. Bless his heart. Roy wiped at his nose and giggled in response. Yeah, his ass was gone.
\"Alright this is how this goes. Whenever it\'s your turn, you take a swig of one of these fine liqours, supplied by Roy Mustang, our fearless leader.\" Roy raised his hand and bowed his head, graciously accepting the claps and flowers that were thrown at him. \"Then you can either truth, dare, or have someone read your fortune.\" Hughes laid the empty Bourbon bottle on the floor and spun it. \"I go first, because I am genetically superior to all of you.\" The bottle spun many times until it pointed dead at Riza.
\"Ahh, Miss Hawkeye. Pleased to meet you.\"
\"Shut up. I want a fortune cookie.\"
Hughes grinned and grabbed one of the small cookies and snapped it in half, taking out the paper. \"A-hem. It says that you should make the most of today, for tomorrow you may die. Your lucky numbers are 4 66 34 24 and 2.\" Riza frowned. The Chinese had always been against her. She should have chosen dare. Dumbass.
\"Ok it\'s my turn now.\" Riza snatched the bottle and spun it, smiling when it landed on Kain. \"Kaney Kain...which would you like? Truth, dare, or cookie?\"
\"I bet that fag has never had any cookie,\" Havoc muttered, making Hughes spit the gin in his mouth out.
Kain glared at the two men, and then turned to Riza. \"Dare,\" He said, making everyone \'ooooooh\'. Riza smiled and nodded at Maria. \"Go give Ross some sugar. She likes short guys,\" Riza said, making fun of Maria\'s short lived crush on the Fullmetal. Kain swallowed and looked at Maria, who nodded her head. Kain crawled over to her and tentatively placed his lips on hers, only to have his head smashed up against hers by Roy placing his hands on both of their heads.
\"FUCK! DO IT NOW! YOUR JOBS DEPEND ON IT!!!\" The drunk man screamed, in his own mind thinking he was creating the basis of a beautiful relationship. Drunk people make such bad decisions. That\'s why they arent allowed to operate heavy machinery or run for Presidency.
\"Super kawaii,\" Roy slurred, passing out again. Kain and Maria glared hatefully at him, hoping that he would die of alcohol poisioning. \"Sorry,\" He mumbled to Maria, who said nothing. \"Ok, I guess I spin now.\" Kain whirled the bottle around, smiling sadistically when the bottle landed on Hughes.
\"Truth, dare, or cookie?\"
Hughes scratched his goatee and weighed the options. \"Dare,\" He declared bravely. Elysia would be so proud of her daddy, the gallant risktaker he was. Gracia would be so hot for him, pussy was automatic. Yes, dare is the way to go.
\"I DARE YOU TO RIP A PICTURE OF ELYSIA IN HALF!!!!\" Kain\'s voice reverberated through Roy\'s office. Everyone gasped. A pencil rolled off the desk and somewhere, an elderly man farted in a packed church during prayer.
\"That\'s harsh,\" Riza murmured, looking at the frightened expression on Hughes\'s face. If Hughes refused to do the dare, then he would have to drink a whole bottle of Everclear straight. With shaking hands, he pulled his wallet out and opened it. Kain licked his dry cracked lips and rubbed his hands together. Everyone leaned forward as Hughes pulled out the ugliest picture of Elysia he could find. He turned the picture toward the group and with a heartwrenching sob he ripped the picture in half. He buried his head in his hands and cried as Kain smiled wickedly.
\"Hughes can skip his turn since he is emotionally unstable. Ed?\" Kain offered the bottle to Ed, who gladly accepted. Ed used his automail hand to spin the bottle and when it slowed down, it landed on Al, and Ed breathed a sigh of relief. Al wouldnt make him do or say anything stupid. Maybe.
\"Alrighty Al, will you do truth, dare, or the cookie?\"
\"Truth, Ed.\" Ed nodded. \"If you had your human body back, what would be the first thing you would do?\"
Al appeared engrossed in thought. \"I\'d jack off and cum on Winry\'s face. Oh and in bed.\"
Ed stared at him. \"WHAT?!!\" Al rolled his eyes. \"The in bed part was for Riza. When Hughes read her fortune, he forgot to ad \'in bed\' at the end.\" Hughes looked up and pointed at Al. \"I\'ll see you in hell!\" He declared, clearly on the brink of insanity.
\"Ok, my turn.\" Al grabbed the bottle and gave it a tentative turn, causing it to land on Roy. \"Oh hell,\" The Colonel muttered, trying to shit up straight and look important.
\"Ok Col. Mustang, truth, dare, or cookie?\"
\"I\'ll take door number three, oreos please.\"
Al giggled and cracked open a fortune cookie. \"Oooh, this is a nice one. It says that you are a born leader, but others are dumb to follow you.\"
\"In bed,\" Ed added with a wicked grin.
\"Your numbers are 56 8 23 1 and 98.\" Al nodded at Roy, who seemed way past coherency. He grabbed the bottle and threw it against the wall, shattering it.
\"This is dumb, so lets do something else. Let\'s write letters to everyone and tell them how we feel,\" Roy slurred. At the voting polls, he was first runner up for the job of town wino. Stay tuned to find out who wins!
Everyone gazed at each other and nodded, taking the jagged pieces of paper and ink pens Roy was passing out. \"Okay, first, everyone write down their own name and fold it up. We\'re gonna draw names.\"
Kain looked confused. \"Draw names? Out of where?\"
\"Out of his ass, faggot! Where else did you think?!\" Havoc slurred, \'accidentally\' falling over and touching Maria\'s breasts. Her slap made him come to his senses really fast.
Roy giggled and passed around an empty trash can. \"Throw your names in here and then we\'ll draw.\" Everyone dropped their name in the basket and passed it back to Roy, who used his social bartendering skills to methodically shake the basket up. Then he passed the can back around and everyone drew a name.
\"What happens if you draw your own name?\" Al asked in his usual worried sounding voice.
Riza snorted. \"You die. Or in your case, we wipe the array off your armor.\" She flashed a smile at Al, who charged her comment to the alcohol, not her heart.
\"Okay, does everyone have a name? Good. Write down your true feelings and when you get done put them back in the trash can. Don\'t sign your name, but do put down the name of the person you chose and adress the letter to them. This is mostly annonymous, so be honest. I\'ll read them when everyone gets done.\" Roy stood and wobbled over behind his desk to his coveted black leather chair and began to write. Everyone else spaced out and began writing too, casting curious glances at everyone else. One by one they finished their letters and folded them and placed them in the can, trying not to meet any particular person\'s eyes.
\"Ok you dirty Ishbalans, we\'re gonna find out just how everybody is feeling tonight!\" Roy cried out joyously as he reached for the first letter......>>>>>
\"Ok, this is how this works. Are you listening, motherfucker?!!\" Hughes shouted, poking at Roy. The Colonel was three sheets to the wind and had to be propped up against the desk. Bless his heart. Roy wiped at his nose and giggled in response. Yeah, his ass was gone.
\"Alright this is how this goes. Whenever it\'s your turn, you take a swig of one of these fine liqours, supplied by Roy Mustang, our fearless leader.\" Roy raised his hand and bowed his head, graciously accepting the claps and flowers that were thrown at him. \"Then you can either truth, dare, or have someone read your fortune.\" Hughes laid the empty Bourbon bottle on the floor and spun it. \"I go first, because I am genetically superior to all of you.\" The bottle spun many times until it pointed dead at Riza.
\"Ahh, Miss Hawkeye. Pleased to meet you.\"
\"Shut up. I want a fortune cookie.\"
Hughes grinned and grabbed one of the small cookies and snapped it in half, taking out the paper. \"A-hem. It says that you should make the most of today, for tomorrow you may die. Your lucky numbers are 4 66 34 24 and 2.\" Riza frowned. The Chinese had always been against her. She should have chosen dare. Dumbass.
\"Ok it\'s my turn now.\" Riza snatched the bottle and spun it, smiling when it landed on Kain. \"Kaney Kain...which would you like? Truth, dare, or cookie?\"
\"I bet that fag has never had any cookie,\" Havoc muttered, making Hughes spit the gin in his mouth out.
Kain glared at the two men, and then turned to Riza. \"Dare,\" He said, making everyone \'ooooooh\'. Riza smiled and nodded at Maria. \"Go give Ross some sugar. She likes short guys,\" Riza said, making fun of Maria\'s short lived crush on the Fullmetal. Kain swallowed and looked at Maria, who nodded her head. Kain crawled over to her and tentatively placed his lips on hers, only to have his head smashed up against hers by Roy placing his hands on both of their heads.
\"FUCK! DO IT NOW! YOUR JOBS DEPEND ON IT!!!\" The drunk man screamed, in his own mind thinking he was creating the basis of a beautiful relationship. Drunk people make such bad decisions. That\'s why they arent allowed to operate heavy machinery or run for Presidency.
\"Super kawaii,\" Roy slurred, passing out again. Kain and Maria glared hatefully at him, hoping that he would die of alcohol poisioning. \"Sorry,\" He mumbled to Maria, who said nothing. \"Ok, I guess I spin now.\" Kain whirled the bottle around, smiling sadistically when the bottle landed on Hughes.
\"Truth, dare, or cookie?\"
Hughes scratched his goatee and weighed the options. \"Dare,\" He declared bravely. Elysia would be so proud of her daddy, the gallant risktaker he was. Gracia would be so hot for him, pussy was automatic. Yes, dare is the way to go.
\"I DARE YOU TO RIP A PICTURE OF ELYSIA IN HALF!!!!\" Kain\'s voice reverberated through Roy\'s office. Everyone gasped. A pencil rolled off the desk and somewhere, an elderly man farted in a packed church during prayer.
\"That\'s harsh,\" Riza murmured, looking at the frightened expression on Hughes\'s face. If Hughes refused to do the dare, then he would have to drink a whole bottle of Everclear straight. With shaking hands, he pulled his wallet out and opened it. Kain licked his dry cracked lips and rubbed his hands together. Everyone leaned forward as Hughes pulled out the ugliest picture of Elysia he could find. He turned the picture toward the group and with a heartwrenching sob he ripped the picture in half. He buried his head in his hands and cried as Kain smiled wickedly.
\"Hughes can skip his turn since he is emotionally unstable. Ed?\" Kain offered the bottle to Ed, who gladly accepted. Ed used his automail hand to spin the bottle and when it slowed down, it landed on Al, and Ed breathed a sigh of relief. Al wouldnt make him do or say anything stupid. Maybe.
\"Alrighty Al, will you do truth, dare, or the cookie?\"
\"Truth, Ed.\" Ed nodded. \"If you had your human body back, what would be the first thing you would do?\"
Al appeared engrossed in thought. \"I\'d jack off and cum on Winry\'s face. Oh and in bed.\"
Ed stared at him. \"WHAT?!!\" Al rolled his eyes. \"The in bed part was for Riza. When Hughes read her fortune, he forgot to ad \'in bed\' at the end.\" Hughes looked up and pointed at Al. \"I\'ll see you in hell!\" He declared, clearly on the brink of insanity.
\"Ok, my turn.\" Al grabbed the bottle and gave it a tentative turn, causing it to land on Roy. \"Oh hell,\" The Colonel muttered, trying to shit up straight and look important.
\"Ok Col. Mustang, truth, dare, or cookie?\"
\"I\'ll take door number three, oreos please.\"
Al giggled and cracked open a fortune cookie. \"Oooh, this is a nice one. It says that you are a born leader, but others are dumb to follow you.\"
\"In bed,\" Ed added with a wicked grin.
\"Your numbers are 56 8 23 1 and 98.\" Al nodded at Roy, who seemed way past coherency. He grabbed the bottle and threw it against the wall, shattering it.
\"This is dumb, so lets do something else. Let\'s write letters to everyone and tell them how we feel,\" Roy slurred. At the voting polls, he was first runner up for the job of town wino. Stay tuned to find out who wins!
Everyone gazed at each other and nodded, taking the jagged pieces of paper and ink pens Roy was passing out. \"Okay, first, everyone write down their own name and fold it up. We\'re gonna draw names.\"
Kain looked confused. \"Draw names? Out of where?\"
\"Out of his ass, faggot! Where else did you think?!\" Havoc slurred, \'accidentally\' falling over and touching Maria\'s breasts. Her slap made him come to his senses really fast.
Roy giggled and passed around an empty trash can. \"Throw your names in here and then we\'ll draw.\" Everyone dropped their name in the basket and passed it back to Roy, who used his social bartendering skills to methodically shake the basket up. Then he passed the can back around and everyone drew a name.
\"What happens if you draw your own name?\" Al asked in his usual worried sounding voice.
Riza snorted. \"You die. Or in your case, we wipe the array off your armor.\" She flashed a smile at Al, who charged her comment to the alcohol, not her heart.
\"Okay, does everyone have a name? Good. Write down your true feelings and when you get done put them back in the trash can. Don\'t sign your name, but do put down the name of the person you chose and adress the letter to them. This is mostly annonymous, so be honest. I\'ll read them when everyone gets done.\" Roy stood and wobbled over behind his desk to his coveted black leather chair and began to write. Everyone else spaced out and began writing too, casting curious glances at everyone else. One by one they finished their letters and folded them and placed them in the can, trying not to meet any particular person\'s eyes.
\"Ok you dirty Ishbalans, we\'re gonna find out just how everybody is feeling tonight!\" Roy cried out joyously as he reached for the first letter......>>>>>