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Hula-ing for Dummies	By : happyonna Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1493 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-Hula-ing for Dummies
- 2-Chapter 2
- 1
- 2
Author's Note: I wasn't going to get this detailed originally but it just sort of turned out this way. Hope you like it!!

Roy's birthday found Fullmetal trying to quietly throw himself out of his bedroom window. Al was hanging onto his foot with all of his strength and struggling to pull his writhing brother back inside the room. Finally, the boy was forced to admit defeat, because even though Edward was smaller than Alphonse by several inches, the shorter boy had the strength of desperation behind his flailing. So, unable to force his brother back into the room Al opted to try for reason.

"Please, niisan, just come back in and we can talk about it!"

"No!" the blonde wailed. "There's nothing to talk about! I am NOT wearing a miniskirt, grass or otherwise, in front of that hentai! Just let me die!!"

Alphonse shifted his grip for better leverage and heaved. "Brother, I demand that you come back into this room! You lost the bet, now be a man and pay the forfeit!"

"Who are you calling such an insignificant speck that people can't even tell that he's a male?!?!" The millisecond that it took Edward to fold himself in half and levitate himself back through the window gave Al all the time that he needed to drop his brother's foot and head for cover. He smirked to himself. At least Edward was back inside the room.

After assuring the police that no, no one was dead or being held hostage (which was easier since Ed was recognized fairly quickly by one of the officers) and repairing the two tables and a lamp that were sacrificed to his brother's fury, Alphonse began to tackle the problem of getting Edward to actually wear his newly shortened grass hula skirt.

The blonde was stubbornly refusing to exit the bathroom (that for some reason now had no door) so Al was reduce to pounding on the wall. "Edward Elric! I demand that you put the door right back where it was!"

"No! I'm not doing it and you can't make me!!"

/Damn it, Colonel, you owe me for this./ "Reconstruct this door, niisan!"

"NONONO! I WON'T!"

A few chalk lines later and the door was still missing but there was a decent sized hole in the wall. Edward struggled, flailing and screaming with incoherent rage as his brother wrestled him in to another transmutation circle and activated it.

One flash of light and a murder attempt later, Edward was dragged into a waiting car. He tugged at the short grass of his skirt forlornly and glared at a carefully not smirking Havoc.

SLAP

"Stop that, brother. If you tear that skirt then you'll just have to do the dance naked."

Edward pouted mightily at Alphonse who stoically ignored his sibling in favor of the passing scenery. Deciding finally that pouting wasn't going to work this time, he reasoned that whining might have more of an effect. "Please don't make me do this, Al. I know that you and Hawkeye cheated on those bets. If we just turn around and go home now, I promise that I�ll forget all about it. Really."

Al sighed. "Niisan," he stated firmly. "Those bets were not rigged. If you'd just stop betting against people who you know are just going to beat you, then this wouldn't have happened. Maybe this will teach you a lesson."

"I've learned my lesson! I'll never do it again! Just don't make me do this!!!"

"No, brother. You've made your bed, now lie in it."

~~~

Roy Mustang loved his birthday. The weather was always beautiful, and the presents were many and varied. This birthday was somehow different though. Sure he still got the gifts from random women, and those were great and all, but for some reason the people in his office had all gone insane for some reason.

Riza and Jean were missing; Hughes was nowhere to be seen, and the rest of his crew had spent the entire day chuckling and smirking to themselves. Whenever one would manage to catch the eye of any of the others it would set off a chain reaction of nearly hysterical laughter that took what Roy thought was an unreasonable amount of time to stop. Really, couldn�t they wait just one more day to go crazy?

He'd even considered briefly that they might have forgotten that it was his birthday, but that couldn't be it since every one of them (missing members included) had stopped by to congratulate him for surviving Fullmetal for another year. If that wasn't the case, though, what could be their problem? He didn't have anything on his uniform. He�d looked earlier this morning. His face was clear. He didn't have any odd cowlicks. What in the world was wrong with his people today?

The sound of someone screaming broke his train of thought. He recognized that voice. Of course he'd never heard the boy sound quite like that before. Roy was about to investigate the cause of that panicked sound when the door burst open and a warm bundle of blonde, skin, and red struck him full force in the chest.

Riza saluted and Al smirked. "Enjoy, sir!" they chorused and slammed the door.

Skin? Edward didn't show skin in his office. Roy blinked, but Edward was still pressing against him from chest to knees and wearing only his coat?

pause/restart brain

Yep. Still there. Only three words were appropriate in this situation.

"What the fuck??"

Golden eyes slowly rose to meet stunned midnight blue. Roy watched as the widened in horror to resemble golden coins. Ed decided that he only needed two words.

"Oh, SHIT!"

Colonel Mustang hadn't gotten to where he was by allowing opportunities to pass him by. He grabbed Ed before the boy could bolt and pulled the smaller body even more firmly against his chest. "Oh, my. What have we here? Going somewhere, Fullmetal?"

Ed's cheeks turned as red as his coat when he felt his commander's voice purr against his barely covered skin. "Sh-shut up, bastard! I was tricked! I was coerced! Let me go!"

"Oh I don't think so, Ed. After all, why would I want to give back the present that Al and Riza were thoughtful enough to procure for me?"

"I'm not your present, Colonel-shit! Let me go!"

Ed's struggles had managed to work open the fastenings of his coat and the fabric gaped open showing a firm smooth chest and that impossibly short grass hula skirt. Roy felt his mouth water.

Clutching Edward tightly to him, he rasped, "Edward, if you don't want me, then say so now. Otherwise I'm going to fuck you into the floor."

Ed felt his mouth go dry. "I-I... uh...."

"Answer, Fullmetal. Now."

Edward's vision was filled with the blue of Mustang's uniform, and he felt sudden, unexpected pleasure in the thought that he had managed to make the man lose his calm for even an instant. Still, was that worth his virginity? Looking up into Roy's carefully expressionless face, Edward faltered. It was the sight of the older man's eyes, darkened and burning with tightly leashed passion that made his decision, and Edward did what he was so good at doing.

He threw caution to the winds and leaped off the edge.

"God yes."

Strong fingers carded through Ed's hair, separating his braid and snapping the band. Callouses scraped over scarred skin when Roy raked his hands over Edward�s shoulders and down his arms, sending the coat dropping to the floor in a pool of crimson.

Ed clawed at the colonel's jacket, struggling to get it off the man. The many buttons defeated him though and he finally jerked it open, scattering buttons across the floor. Roy laughed. The deep husky sound skittered down Ed�s spine and over his nerves and set him on fire. He lunged at the man and the two of them tore feverishly at each other�s clothes, uncaring if they ripped anything getting it off. Roy wasn't completely gone though, as he carefully avoided removing the skirt from his new lover.

When Ed reached for it, Roy gripped his hands and moved them gently away. "Leave it, Edward."

"I won't let you pretend I�m a fucking woman, Mustang."

Mustang smirked and palmed Ed's throbbing erection. "Don't worry, Ed. I know you're a man. Now I�m going to fuck you like one." He pulled away slightly and gazed down at Edward with the sultriest expression the boy had ever seen. "Get on the desk, Fullmetal."

"I thought you said you were going to fuck me into the floor, Colonel-shit."

Roy's smile was slow, sensual, and completely wicked. "We'll get there, Edward, never fear." He slapped playfully at Ed�s semi-exposed bottom. "Now get on the desk."

Al and Riza stood guard outside the door. They squirmed uncomfortably at the muffled groans and shrieks from behind them, and glared balefully to hurry along anyone who might be thinking of lingering in front of the colonel's office, and Al turned to his co-conspirator.

"Do you think we did the right thing?"

"Of course." Riza replied, sounding completely un-ruffled. "Haven't you noticed how they look at each other when they think the other isn't looking?"

Alphonse winced at a particularly piercing scream from his brother. "But it sounds like the colonel's hurting him."

Riza pinned him with an exceptionally serious gaze. "Trust me, Alphonse. Colonel Mustang would never ever do anything to your brother that Edward didn't wholeheartedly want him to do."

As if to agree with Hawkeye�s statement Ed�s cries turned into something slightly more coherent. "Oh God OHGODOHGODOHGOD!! ROY!!!" A broken litany of 'yes' and 'more, harder' followed this and Al could feel his face heat.

"I guess you're right." He conceded.

Riza nodded and they went back to scaring away gawkers.

Hours later as Roy stroked his fingers idly through Ed�s silky hair as they cuddled, a sudden thought occurred to him. "Ed."

After a moment with no response he nudged his lover and, slightly louder, repeated the name.

"Mmmph."

"Can you really hula?"

"mmhmm... learned for you." The blonde mumbled.

Roy held the boy tighter and decided right then that he had never had a better birthday.
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Hula-ing for Dummies