Trilogy

Heya! So, whether you liked chapter 1 or not, here you are at chapter 2! There's going to be a lot more "taking the lord's name in vain", so prepare yourselves.

As previously disclaimed, I don't own jack shit when it comes to Fullmetal Alchemist.
Oh, and just in case anyone mistook it, my relationship with Jesus is completely worshiper-savior. I obviously don't know him personally, nor do I claim this as anything but fiction.

The lyrics come from the same song, and will continue to throughout the fic.

*Showers praise on Heavy Metal*

That really is an excellent way to start a fic.

Ok, End Author's note.
-Rasia, Tea Alchemist

Oh! PS: I have been challenged! Heavy Metal has put the challenge of saying "Jesus" 100 times in this chapter to me, and I intend to.

That is all.

Met a girl in a chair with wheels,
But no one else would see her.
Saw a girl in a chair,
With wheels.
Everyone was so afraid,
To even look down on her,
And she just,
Spread her little wings,
And flew away!

How many times had he preformed that same act? Jesus, he'd clapped his hands to start his alchemy a thousand times! At least.
He realized what he'd thought, and looked at the man who claimed to be Jesus. Jesus looked calmly back. Ed had never seen a more self-satisfied look on any person in his entire adult life.
Jesus straightened he shirt and looked at Ed full on. "Care for a 3:16 stroll through London?"
Ed looked at the father and son. They were so ensorcelled by the "miracle" that they could care less what Ed and Jesus did. "Yes. I think I would." Ed pulled on his jacket and took the key.

***

Ed and Jesus walked down the street for a few blocks without speaking, Jesus occasionally glancing guiltily at Ed. Jesus, you'd think he'd just committed some great crime!
...Scratch that. Let's try, You'd think Jesus'd just committed some great crime. Works either way.
Anyway, Jesus was getting a little twitchy, as though he had something he really wanted to say, but did not want to start the conversation.
Ed was fine with waiting. The man had invited him on a stroll, and if Jesus wanted to talk, he'd have to start explaining. Ed wanted to go home, twelve fucking years of being in a strange world! Of course he wanted to go home, but he wasn't going to beg for the answers.
Finally, Jesus cracked. He cleared his throat and stopped by a lamppost.
"My name really is Jesus, it's just a coincidence. I lived in Amestris* for about eleven years. Played around with alchemy, harmless stuff. Until-" Jesus looked into the clouded sky, "Well, one day I saw dead cat in my yard. I'd never seen anything dead, I was shocked. I knew of a way to bring the dead back, so I drew up a circle and tried to bring the poor thing back. I found myself at the gate, and just as suddenly through the gate. And here." Jesus gestured broadly around at the streets and buildings of London. He started walking again, continuing his monolog. "I didn't understand, for a long time. I figured very few things out, early in my years here. First: Never tell them your name is Jesus, they tend to beat you. Second: don't say a word about alchemy, here it was considered a type of witch craft, and besides it didn't work." He sighed, and closed his eyes. "It doesn't work. I signed up as an apprentice to an old alchemist near here. He was an old fraud, selling ginger wine as an alchemic cure to something."
"What was his name?" Ed asked, curious. He'd visited a few local alchemists when he was still new. Maybe he knew Jesus’.
Jesus laughed. "His name was Godrick. Once I’d been here a while, I knew why that was funny. We were God and Jesus, wandering about with miracle juice in tiny jeweled bottles." He started laughing again, and Ed joined in.
They leaned against the library wall and laughed. Jesus wheezed, "I vowed that I’d get home the moment I knew how, and spent the better part of my life here studying and experimenting. It took me 17 years, but I worked out a way to reverse the inner Gate for spot transmutations. Theoretically, that's all you need to get home. I managed to make some pretty impressive transmutations, but I was to chicken to try a crossing. God knew everyone here until you showed up about what, ten eleven, years ago. God sent me to figure you out, and I put it off for several years, so I could concentrate completely on my research. Two years ago, I ran out of excuses, so I started following you around town." He paused, and had the decency to look abashed. "Sorry about that. If it helps, I found you a very impressive and kind person, generous to everyone, and almost too good to be true."
"That does help, a little." Ed admitted. He gestured for Jesus to go on.
He did. "It really took a pretty long time to realize you weren't from this world, although it was immediately obvious you weren't from London. You had miniature fits of depression, and often called out several names. Alphonse and Roy were predominant, but there were others who came up. You called for a Winry, once or twice."
Ed stopped him from going any further. "Please. I know whose names I cried, and I'd rather you didn't list them off like that." Tears stung his eyes and he fought to keep his voice from exposing his fragility on the matter of home.
"Of course." Jesus replied. "I was just going to say, it wasn't until you said 'Fuery' that I knew you'd come from my old world. Cain and I used to be boyhood friends. He was the bravest of us all." Jesus struck a stance of pride.
Ed fell over in the street. Bravest of the boys? The Cain Fuery Ed knew was a spunky little man, hardly taller than Ed himself. To be fair, he was far from cowardly, but just as far from brave.
But then- Ed tried to remember when he had ever seen Cain back down from an enemy. Sure, he was a little meek when it came to people like Roy Mustang, but when it had seemed like they were on opposite sides Fuery had stood his ground. Maybe there was more to the bespecticled little man after all...
Jesus squatted down next to Ed. "You ok?"
Ed laughed, a nervous tired laugh, and hoisted himself up. "I just- tripped. Un-even cobblestones. I'm fine." His expression turned serious, "Tell me about these spot transmutations of yours."
Jesus looked embarrassed at not having thought of that himself. "I told you, you reverse your inner gate. You know how every person has a mini-gate inside them?" Ed nodded. "Well, if you... Here, let me show you." And Jesus lay his hand on the top of Ed's head.

Ed: Wha-?
Jesus: We're at my Gate, Edward.
Ed: Oh, *looks at Jesus’ Gate* It's just the same as mine.
Jesus: Of course. Now watch...
Jesus reversed his Mini-Gate
Gate will re-reverse in : 10
Jesus: D'you catch that?
:9
Ed: That's really all you need to do?
:8
Jesus: That’s it. Then you just high tail it back to London, clap you hands and do what you set out to do. After you reverse the gate, it's normal Alchemy.
:7
Ed: What happens if you're too slow and get back after the re-reversal?
:6
Jesus: Same thing that happens every other time you clap your hands in London. Zip.
:5
Ed: So, you gonna do something?
:4
Jesus: I probably should. I'm running out of time.
:3

Jesus clapped his hands and pressed them to the uneven cobble stoned street. In a flash of golden light the path was paved smooth. Like a cement road.
Ed was impressed. Jesus had done something that bordered on obscene to the gate. Ed would never have thought of it. He hadn't even known his gate would operate in London.
Jesus gestured at the newly smoothed road. "There," he said, "Now you can’t blame the cobble stones when you fall off you're stubby little legs." Jesus then did something completely unexpected. He smirked, a singularly familiar smirk.
Ed stood and stared for a solid minute. How could he have mistaken that face? That was the most vibrant of any of his memories! Jesus FUCKING Christ!
"Yo-? I- how-? YOU FUCKING BASTARD! WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME? Jesus, where'd you get the hair and beard? How long have you been here? AND! Just how long were you going to let me stew here?"
Jesus lifted a hand to his head and tugged lightly on his scalp, using his other hand to do likewise to the scraggly beard. Both came easily from his face, Revealing *le gasp!*
ROY MUSTANG!
Ed embraced him and thumped him on the back of his raven spiky-haired head.
Roy hugged back, drawing Ed close against him. "D'you know, you've grown since I last annoyed you?"
Ed sob-laughed and stood on his toes to kiss the other man with twelve years of longing.
He blinked. Just what the hell did he think he was doing? This was Roy Mustang. This person he was attacking with his lips was a MAN. Not that he wasn't an attractive man, and certainly not that he wasn't enjoying the contact...
Ed tried to remember when the desire to see the man who knew everything to get him home had changed to the longing to see the man he had never let himself love in his own world. Why not though?
Ok, so maybe he knew the answer to that. He hadn't let himself love Roy for three very important reasons.
1: Roy Mustang was a selfish, sarcastic, know it all bastard with a God complex.
2: He had been too busy trying to fix Al's body to let such thoughts exist, even for Winry and Rose.
Which brings us right on into reason numba 3: Roy Mustang was a man.
And yet somehow, not one of those reasons mattered now. Roy had gone through the gate and come to bring him home. That definitely counted as points to Roy. Also, Roy was kissing back. Big points! Wow.
When Ed finally allowed his body to draw back and breath, Roy was smiling a rare true smile. Ed clutched to him to keep upright.
"How in God's name did you make up that bullshit story?" Ed smiled.
Roy laughed and grabbed Ed by the shoulders and steered him down the street. "I'll tell you as we walk."

***

Once Roy had caught Ed up on all the things that had been happening in Amestris*, he was curious as to what Ed had been up to. Ed explained about everything.
"And so, I managed to get the job of stable master! Can you believe anyone is that gullible?" Ed chortled.
Roy roared with laughter. "What kind of idiot would mistake you as a thirty year old?"
"I know! And I was like, 18 at the time! You know, I'm almost thirty now?"
"No! Surely it hasn't been that long!" Roy seemed almost appalled.
Ed was just about to reply when he saw the most pitiful beggar girl in existence.
By now the sun had risen and the streets had started to fill with people. Each stepped over the girl, or, for lack of leg length, (say that ten times fast) around her. As if no one had even seen her. No one looked down to make sure they didn't step on her, no one set her upright!
She had no legs, and her arms were stubby and gnarled. She had fallen onto her side and now couldn’t set herself right.
As previously stated, Ed had a soft spot for the homeless. This girl was obviously in need of help, yet no one even looked at her!
Ed rushed to her side and helped he sit up. "Are you ok?"
"I don't have any money for you." she whispered.
"Obviously. Here, do you have a box near here or something?" Ed pulled her into his arms and lifted her clear of the gutter.
Now people were avoiding looking at him and his little passenger. They looked anywhere but at him.
"I had a wheel chair, but when I fell out last night it rolled away." She gestured with her shoulder toward a scary looking back alley.
"To the Wheel Chair then! C'mon Roy, We need to find this girl her chair."
Briefly, every person in the street glanced at Roy. Once they realized that he'd be helping Edward with the girl, the studiously avoided looking at him too.
Soon they found her chair, upturned in a trashcan. Roy pulled it out and set it on its wheels. Ed put the little girl gently into her un-cushioned chair.
Ed looked down at her and then asked, "How d'you push it around? Shouldn't someone be with you?"
"Thomas killed her and dumped me out in the gutter." She said, scathingly, gesturing at a green door.
Ed glanced at the green door. "I see. Well, you need a new mode of transportation." He rubbed his hands together and glanced at Roy.
"What're you looking at me for?" Roy asked, raising an eyebrow.
"For both our sakes, this gate thing of yours had better work for me." Ed murmured, rolling up his sleeves.
Ed closed his eyes, opened them with a devilous grin, and clapped them together. He pressed them both to the back of the girl's chair.
In a flash of blue light the seat and back of the chair ballooned, the wheels rocked and swelled, and a motor bloomed out of the back. The motor had little arms that hooked onto the back wheels. He then shut his eyes again, reached for a broken wine bottle, which he quickly filled with coppers. Clap, clasp, voila, a remote to control the chair's motor with. Ed handed it to her and started explaining what to do.
Enthralled, she mashed the buttons, enjoying the tiny whooshes as the chair zipped forward, backward and side-to-side. Ed finished with, "And remember, no one is to see you in this chair. There's not going to be anything like this anywhere for a long long time. If they see you, chances are good you'll be labeled a witch and run out of town." She just nodded.
"Well then," Roy said pleasantly, leaning against the green door, "Lets go talk to Thomas about a murder." He was back in his Jesus disguise, which he had completed by fashioning a halo from shards of glass that reflected light in little shimmers and a staff transmuted from brick. Over all, he fit the general Jesus appearance.
Ed grinned and rapped three times on the door.
Really, it was hard not to feel a little sorry for Thomas. He never expected that kind of beating from Jesus Christ our Savior. And his small blonde Stable Master.

I just couldn't help it! I couldn't write a fic in which there was no hot RoyxEd action! I'm weak! I couldn't even keep from showing Heavy Metal for 24 hours!
Aside from my little Roy twist, I think I did a pretty good job of making my point, which is, that I don't need a point.

...

Right. So, I only got like 47 Jesus’ before Jesus became Roy. And that includes all three Jesus’ from this line. Damn...

@_@ !

* I have no idea how to spell the name of that damned country. That was my best attempt.