Devotions

Title: Devotions
Chapter Title: Brotherly Love
Genre: Fluff, angst, drama, tragedy, romance, squick
Pairings: RoyEd + Many more
Rating (this chapter): PG-13 for violence
Rating (overall): NC-17
Warnings (this chapter): character death
Warnings (overall): blood play, character deaths, corpse rape, genital mutilation, graphic rapes, het, homunculus sex, mindfuck, mind control, Nazism, one of the characters going insane, post-series AU, squick, spoilers up through the end of the series, yaoi
Summary: Sometimes coping is hard than we'd imagine.
Chapter Summary: A third shot through the back of his neck cut off his final words.
Co-plot-comer-upper-with: LJ's thatonefangirl
Beta: LJ's RetsuMatsuro, LJ's hitsuji_no_edo
Word Count: 4,412 words
Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own FMA. I would be so happy and have so many fans if I did...

If it would not have ended with a gun under his ribs, displacing vital organs, for interrupting the communications between Brigadier General Hawkeye and the Drachman Ambassador, Roy Mustang would have burst into Hawkeye's office and given her an Armstrongesque hug when he saw the state of his inbox. Every report had been summarized and every document had been translated out of legalese. Every place he needed to sign had been flagged. Every speech he was supposed to look over already had Riza's comments in the margins. The work he had estimated to take four or more hours had easily dropped to under two.

As he thought about that, he realized if he was going to have to stay for an entire half day with such little work, he might as well get a cup of coffee from the break room and relax a bit this morning. Certainly he relaxed other mornings, but today he deserved it.

Going to the break room, however, was not as relaxing as Roy had hoped it would be. Though most people simply clapped him on the back and told him how amazed they were that he and Ed had lasted ten years, a few people found it prudent to ask him for love advice. At first he tried to completely ignore them. As they got more persistent, he tried vague mumbling. When that didn't clue them in, he was very frank about how he was not the person to ask these questions, especially while he was trying to get coffee, and he'd been with Edward for almost ten years now, they could have asked well before their anniversary! Most of these people had been too shy to talk to him before today. Much to Roy's relief, they probably wouldn't try it again for at least another year.

Eventually he escaped to his office, glad for once to have paperwork as an excuse. After all, it was unlikely to ask him questions about how to keep its girlfriend. Roy tried to dial Ed twice, but when the phone didn't answer, he assumed that Ed was either off finding something for Roy to wear tonight or he was in one of those deep mid-morning slumbers from which only Roy could rouse him with well placed kisses and rubs. Edward had to have a reason to get up.

Well, if Edward wasn't going to answer the phone, he certainly couldn't meet him at a restaurant so Roy would have to bring the food to him. While trying to contact Edward one last time, Riza dropped his mail on his desk and told him that after he took care of the day's mail he was free to go.
Lazily grabbing his letter opener (a birthday gift from Edward last year), Roy opened the letters, digesting all the information before filing them in his desk. Only two death threats today, he thought cheerfully. People must be getting used to the change.

Roy stepped over to Havoc's desk and watched him dig through his desk for about five minutes trying to find a new pack of cigarettes, his previous one empty on the floor. "Lieutenant Colonel Havoc, do you want to pick up some lunch with me?" Roy asked, smirking lightly as Havoc threw another empty pack of cigarettes in the trash.

Havoc looked up from his desk long enough to nod. He straightened his paperwork and stood up, grabbing his keys from his desk. "I need to pick up some more cigarettes anyway," he said, standing up stiffly and stretching.

Roy got in the passenger side of Havoc's car and glanced at his watch warily. "Well, we can get lunch and then you could drop me off at home…" He trailed off in thought, thinking about how happy Ed would be when he came home early.

"Are you going to get lunch for Edward as well?" Havoc asked, parking at Roy's favorite place to pick up lunch. Havoc liked to go to Paesano's because they had a very nice selection of waiters and waitresses to ogle, but ever since Roy had started dating Ed steady, Roy started enjoying Cafe Lili much better. Well, truthfully the food was much better, but the waitresses were not chosen because of their looks.

Roy nodded, getting out of the car, reminding himself to take Havoc out to Paesano's for his birthday. "I'll have to get about three and a half lunches," Roy mused. Havoc laughed and got out of the car himself, walking over towards Roy. "It's amazing how he still eats like a teenager," Havoc added innocently. "No, what's amazing," Roy said with copious eye rolling, "is that he still has the metabolism of a teenager. And for that, I am very glad."

"I'll go get a table while you lock up the car," Roy said, walking away with a rakish wink. Havoc laughed and turned away from the Fuhrer for a split second. Before the key had even been turned in the lock, Havoc heard a shot ring out. At first it sounded like it was behind him, and he spun to view the street, but the white frightened faces were looking toward the restaurant.

For a split moment, Havoc was too afraid to look towards the restaurant, knowing what he'd see. But then he pivoted on his left foot, looking at Roy clutching his chest, trying to breathe as blood soaked through his uniform. Just as Havoc was going to run to the Fuhrer and get him help, he saw the second shot. He never really heard it, the terror so thick in his ears, but as he saw Roy crumple to the ground he knew that his friend and boss had just been shot a second time.

This time there was no hesitation as Havoc ran up to him, his gun hanging limply from his left hand. He searched Roy's body for more wounds his hands shaking immensely, now stained with blood. "Fuhrer!" he said simply, unable to rationalize any more words. He knelt next to the man, just making sure he was still alive. "Someone call an ambulance!" Havoc sputtered, hoping that his words even made sense in his fear.

"Everything's going to be okay," Havoc said, moving Roy's hair out of his face, telling himself more than the Fuhrer, his tongue feeling so thick he was amazed words had come out at all.

Roy coughed a bit of blood and looked up at Havoc, his hand clenching slightly. "J-Jean," he mumbled, his eye glazing over slightly. "Tell...Tell Ed that..."

A third shot through the back of his neck cut off his final words. Havoc stared down at Roy, unbelievingly watching the dark blood pool around one of his best friends and commanding officer. He shut the glazed eye with the palm of his hand and stood up, shakily trying to remember where the shots had come from, but it seemed like they had all come from different directions.

He lumbered around for a while, trying to find who did this, shoving people out of his way angrily, his anger and his tears making it almost impossible to see. By the time he made his way back to Roy the ambulance had come and a doctor had proclaimed the Fuhrer dead.

Keeping track of time was impossible. Havoc didn't know how long it took to get to a pay phone so he could call Hawkeye. He just knew that he was dialing the military number and a bored, almost absentminded voice answered the phone.

"Brigadier General Riza Hawkeye," she said in a voice so bored and unaware that it brought more stinging, acidic tears to Havoc's eyes.

"R-Riza," Havoc said after a while, his voice shaky and full of tremors. "Roy was...he was shot." Havoc didn't know how he brought himself to say those words but at least they didn't admit that Roy was dead. He sank against the wall of the phone booth, eventually sitting on the floor.

The pause between them was palpable until Riza's voice, suddenly as shaky as Havoc's, managed to say, "Jean, you got him to a hospital, right? He's...he's going to be okay, right?"

Havoc didn't know what to say at first and he merely twirled the phone cord through his shaky fingers. "He...he died before the ambulance came," he admitted, choking on his own words, leaning forward, his head pressing against the ground, trying to keep the tears at bay.

Riza dropped the phone and Havoc merely listened to the clattering for a while before he heard Riza's uneven breath again. "Roy was...assassinated?" she asked, trying to keep her body under control. "...how will we tell Edward?"

That thought hadn't even occurred to Havoc yet. Here he was grieving over his friend and forgetting that he had a husband at home. "F-fuck, I don't know..." he stammered, trailing off."It was their tenth wedding anniversary tomorrow," he found himself saying, straightening up to stare blankly at the other side of the phone booth, not bothering to blink his tears away.

Riza trembled slightly, breathing hard. "...and the country...this is going to disturb everything...and then Edward's going to..." She paused, trying to stop her tears again. As soon as she had her sobs under control she added, "He's not going to be okay...not at all..."

Havoc nodded absentmindedly even though Riza couldn't hear him. "I shouldn't have been...shouldn't have been so careless," he said finally, placing the blame on himself.

"Jean!" Riza said, angry that Havoc would even insinuate such things. "You two have gone out for lunch at two restaurants almost every day for the past twenty years! How could you expect this!?"

Havoc sighed, finally blinking away his tears. "That's the thing, Riza. We were...so predictable. So fucking predictable." His words were tired and defeated, almost as if he had given up himself. "The country was doing so well, but that didn't mean there weren't unhappy people..."

Riza changed the subject completely, not wanting Havoc to beat himself up over this. "I-I need to contact the Investigations Department," she said in as controlled of a voice as she could muster. "And then someone needs to call Edward."

"He's gong to hate whoever calls him," Havoc said in a tired-sounding voice.

Riza paused, racking her brain of who was close to Edward. Close enough that Ed couldn't place the blame on them. "Not Alphonse," she said after a long pause.

"You want Al to tell him?" Havoc asked, slightly shocked.

"It's the only person he wouldn't murder straight off," Riza said soberly.

"That's true," Havoc mused, his grief not abating, but finding it easier to think. "But who tells Al? And what if Al doesn't agree to tell his brother?"

Riza's voice was quiet. "They have...had dinner tonight. He's going to be worried sick."

Havoc leaned back against the wall of the phone booth, still not standing up. "Maybe the hospital will call and tell him..."

"I'd like the hospital to still be standing," Riza said firmly, with a shard of cynicism. "I fear there's going to be a war soon."

Havoc suddenly realized the implications of her words and slumped again, finding it hard to stay sitting up straight. "We were going to negotiate a treaty with Drachma in two weeks to settle disputes on the northern border. That's going to turn into a real war if we don't do something..."

"You think Drachma's the only problem?" Riza asked bitterly, biting her lower lip almost hard enough to draw blood. "What about some of the citizens of Amestris that are upset about the Parliament?"

"Well..." Havoc intoned, the gravity of the situation falling heavily onto him, "Parliament should deal with them for now."

"So many of the citizens don't like the Parliamentarian structure at all," Riza said fatalistically. "Our own people will revolt..."

Havoc suddenly felt like this was more than he could take. "I can't deal with this right now," he said harshly. "I'm coming back to the office." Not giving Riza time to respond, or even a proper goodbye, he slammed the pay phone back on its hook and stood shakily, making his way back to the car.

Registering the click, Riza placed the phone gently on its stand and collapsed against her desk, finally able to allow the sobs to take over her and let the tears for her friend to fall.

---

Edward's afternoon had consisted of going to the florist, the tailor, and to get some new stationary. Before he left the house to do his last few errands before dinner he placed the new outfit on the bed, carefully pinning a love letter and an orchid to the fabric.

He quickly stripped, digging through the closet for just a moment. He found the crimson cashmere sweater that Roy loved so much and slipped it on, feeling the soft fabric against his chest. He had filled out quite a bit since Roy had bought him this sweater. It was one of the few pieces of clothing he still wore since before he and Roy had been separated.

It just had too much sentimental value to get rid of. So it was the perfect piece of clothing to wear to their dinner. He found his leather pants hanging up in the closet and pulled them on. Searching through the drawer he found a pair of black gloves. He still hated going out in public without gloves on, even if he wasn't ashamed of his metal limbs anymore.

He stepped over to a mirror, trying to decide whether to tie up his hair or leave it down. Roy liked his hair down, but he also liked pulling it out of its tie as soon as they made it past the door frame. Ed eventually decided on putting his hair in low ponytail, tied with a black satin ribbon.

He had a few things to take care of before dinner but Roy would find his outfit on the bed and would read his letter before making his way to their favorite restaurant.

Laureline's. It had opened while Ed was in Munich and Roy told him how much he wanted to take him there. Every time he went there while Ed was gone, all he could think about was how much Edward would have liked the food. So their first date when Edward was up to going out was at Laureline's.

It was the perfect place for a proposal. Two months later, in the same restaurant Roy had given Ed a ring and a promise. A simple promise: They'd never leave each other again.

A full year after Edward had been back, they had their wedding reception at Laureline's. The staff had been so accommodating. The night had been perfect.

Roy and Edward had very few perfect nights for the first five years of their relationship. They were both strong personalities. They obviously loved each other, though, and as their relationship eased they had many more perfect nights. Sometimes all it took was Ed holding Roy as he slept. Sometimes it was gentle sex. Sometimes it was wild passionate sex. Sometimes all it took was Ed wiping away Roy's frustrated tears. Or Roy gently waking Ed from an indescribable nightmare. They learned to live with each other and how much they could give and take. They learned what perfection took.

Laureline's was going to be the perfect restaurant for their tenth wedding anniversary. Ed finished getting dressed and left the house, just missing the ringing phone.

Edward got to the restaurant early, his heart beating hard and his body feeling incredibly light. He set the flowers up on the table and gave the small cake to the hostess who took it back to the kitchen. He sat at the table, staring happily at the burning candles and orchids.

Orchids were Roy's favorite flower, he confided to Ed well after their sixth date. Ed laughed and told him in a low voice that orchids looked like female genitalia. Roy laughed lightly. "But they come in so many variations, Edward. Can you guess what my favorite kind is?" he asked, stroking the palm of Ed's hand.

"Certainly not the kind they make vanilla from," Ed retorted, trying to keep from laughing. Roy closed his eyes, trying to stifle his laughs as well. "Canaima's Tamara," Roy said after he found his voice again.

He was lost in thought for a while thinking about the years they had together. As the lights in the restaurant dimmed, he looked at his watch, frowning at how late Roy was. Two and a half hours later, he was close to crying, confused as to what could keep Roy from dinner. The candles had almost burned down, but Ed kept telling himself that Roy would show up anyway. He was closing his eyes, telling himself this when he felt a box being pushed into his hands.

"Sir, it's closing time," a gentle voice told him. Ed opened his eyes and saw the cake box in his gloved hand. He closed his hand around it, looking up at the hostess with almost dry eyes.

He didn't know how he made it home, but he found himself at the house, fumbling with his keys eventually. He was shivering slightly, even though he was wearing a sweater. He opened the door to a dark house.

"Roy?" he asked in a wavering voice, climbing the stairs. "Are you home?" The clenching at his gut was overwhelming. Was Roy leaving him? "Why didn't you come to the restaurant?" he pleaded, opening the bedroom door.

The clothes he'd laid out earlier were still folded neatly on the bed, the Canaima's Tamara carefully positioned, and the love letter untouched. He choked back a sob, not allowing himself to jump to conclusions. He took off the cashmere sweater and hung it up in the closet again, digging through the dresser to find one of Roy's old button-downs. They didn't fit him anymore, so Ed liked to sleep in them, especially when Roy worked late.

He didn't want to move the flower or letter so he went downstairs to the sofa to wait for Roy. He collapsed on the sofa, not letting himself cry, telling himself there as nothing to cry about.

The grandfather clock downstairs woke him at one o'clock in the morning, though he hadn't realized he had fallen asleep. He held onto one of the pillows, breathing carefully, wondering why Roy wasn't home yet. He was desperately trying to keep awake, but he drifted back off to sleep again.

The next time he woke up, it was to a loud knock at the door. Ed stood up, swaying unsteadily and looked at the door. Roy had his own key and would use that before waking Ed up. The knock at the door was more insistent. Ed looked over at the grandfather clock again, wondering who would come to his house so early. Almost two o'clock in the morning.

As he opened the door, the grandfather clock chimed. Ed rubbed his eyes sleepily. "Al...?" he asked uncertainly. "What are you doing here...?"

His brother looked down at him, sniffling slightly, upset to see the puffiness around Ed's eyes. "Bro...Brother," he stammered, not knowing what to say.

Ed looked at Al for a moment, just confused. Al bit his lip and took his brother into his arms, sobbing lightly.

"Al, what's wrong?" Ed asked, stroking his brother's back gently.

"I—I don't know how to tell you this," Al continued. "I just...don't."

Ed was surprised. He had never seen his brother this upset before and it was very disconcerting. "Al...What is it? You know you can tell me anything..." Edward easily let go of his own misery to help Al with his hurt.

"I've been trying to find you for the past eight hours," Al continued. "But...it's not about me, Brother." Al pulled back for a moment, blinking away tears as he looked his brother in the face.

Ed looked confused, and then worried, his eyes scanning Al's face for any clue. "What's going on?" he asked, his voice more rushed than he meant it.

Al closed his eyes, the few tears welling up in his eyes finally flowing down his cheeks. "The—the Fuhrer," he managed to say. His chest constricted then and he sobbed lightly, unable to say more.

Ed's eyes widened and for the third time that day tried to keep the worst scenarios from filling his head. "Do you know where he is?" he asked, grasping his brother's hand and tilting his head up.

Al bit his lip and quietly said, "He...he was declared dead this afternoon. We haven't been able to find you...We tried to get in contact with you so many times..." Al seemed to babble on for a moment, just so afraid himself and miserable for his brother.

Ed pulled back, letting go of his brother immediately. "You're—you're lying," he said, even though he had been thinking it himself. His normally bright eyes, even in sleep, dulled as grief took over him.

"No...No...I didn't," Al stammered, unable to create a full sentence. "He...shot...lunch..."

Ed backed away from his brother, falling against the couch. "No! Stop it!" he yelled, his anger not truly directed at Al. "You're lying! He—he can't be dead! He's just...lost or something!" Ed held himself, trying to think of every possibility leading to Roy still being alive.

Al had never seen his brother in such a condition, trembling so hard and shaking on the sofa. He knew his brother would be devastated but he just wasn't sure what to do now. He just stood and watched Edward for a while, waiting for the shakes to slow. "Havoc...was..." he began to say, not sure if anything he could say would help his brother.

Ed tried to move backwards further, his breath hitching and his hands clawing at the fabric until he fell over the back of the sofa, just sobbing harder as he made contact with the floor. He scrambled backwards, just leaning against the wall. "No...No, that's not true!" he managed to sob out, refusing to look Al in the face.

Suddenly Al realized how he felt when he, the mind of a ten-year-old, thought his brother was gone. They had ten beautiful years together and then suddenly it was all gone. Taken away so quickly there was no time to cope. There was no illness to explain the sudden death. There was no chance to realize death was coming. He walked around the sofa, over to his brother, standing in front of him a moment before kneeling. "Brother..." he said simply, tilting Ed's head up.

Ed looked at Al, trying not to sob openly, but the gasping breaths and tears down his cheeks told enough of his grief. "Not true..." he managed to say one more time.

Al wiped Ed's tears away silently, knowing that if Ed needed anything right now, it was someone simply willing to be there for him.

After a few more minutes of Al simply wiping at his brother's face, Ed fell into Al's arms, clinging to him tightly, shaking a few more times before just letting everything go, sobbing openly against Al's chest. Al just held his brother, stroking his back softly, being a contact to reality. He knew that when Ed needed to deal with the logistics of the situation, he'd be there too.

Ed calmed down after a few minutes and sniffled, looking up at Al again. "It's...it's our tenth anniversary," he said dumbly, trying to put the two facts together.

Al nodded sadly, brushing Ed's hair out of his face "They were a wonderful ten years, Edward..."

Edward shook his head violently. "They can't be over...he...he can't be gone..." His brain didn't want to wrap around the idea, but his heart already felt the pain. Intrinsically he knew it was true.

Al sighed softly, still stroking his brother's face, not knowing what else he could give him.

Ed just cried softly for a little longer in Al's arms. Al knew there would be bruises on his wrists and sides in the morning but that was a small price to pay. Ed stopped crying again and wiped his own tears away. "How am I supposed to survive without him?" he asked in a hollow voice, as if continuing on without Roy had never occurred to him.

Al paused and looked down at Ed. "Perhaps you should talk to Gracia?" he offered gently, not knowing anyone else who had such a loss in their life.

Ed nodded but then squeezed his eyes tight. "T-they had a daughter," he started, trying to control his sobs. "She had a small piece of him still alive...she had someone to survive for..."

Al looked hurt for a moment but pulled back, touching the center of Ed's chest. "Survive for me?" he asked gently.

Ed looked at Al and nodded, doing everything in his power to keep his tears under control. "You're the only family I have left..." he said quietly, wiping away Al's tears."Please...don't leave me..."

Al smiled at the gesture and held Ed close, whispering in his ear, "Never Ed...I'll never leave you..." Edward sniffled and said in a serious voice, "I'll kill you if that turns out to be a lie."

Al laughed lightly, glad to hear a bit of the old Edward. "Who else have I lived for?" he asked gently, smiling at Ed.

Ed nodded but then closed his eyes again, gritting his teeth. "I-I don't know what to do anymore," he said simply.

"Well, you can't be a house...husband anymore," Al said lightly, stroking Ed's cheek. He smiled lightly, hoping that he could brighten the situation even a little.

"I'll get Roy's money," Edward said, glad they had redone the will lately. He took a deep breath before continuing, not wanting the tears and sobs to come back. "But that will last me only so long..." He trailed off, realizing he'd have to get a job eventually. "And the house always belongs to the current Fuhrer, so I won't be able to stay here much longer..."

Al smiled sadly and stroked Ed's hair. "Come to the military housing office tomorrow, Brother," he said. "I'm sure they'll let you live in the dorms with me."

Ed choked and held onto his brother again, afraid that if he let go, Alphonse would disappear as well. "Just...don't ever leave me, Alphonse."