Live Without You?

Warning and Disclaimer same as in Capeter 1.

This is a flashback chapter, it doesn't deal with the current problem of Heero missing and is meant show how much the two pilots mean to each other. I originally meant for Duo to be kidnapped, but didn't like where it was head, so changed it to Heero being gone insead. That's why Heero's name appear in places where it should saw Duo and vice-versa.
THANK FOR THE REVIEWS!!!

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// “Would you mind knocking?” Duo practically yelled as the door to his dorm opened unannounced. Duo whipped the towel from his long hair and hurriedly wrapped it around his waist. He turned angrily to face the open door and froze at what he saw. It was a gun. A 9mm semiautomatic to be exact and it was trained unwaveringly on his face. He was starting to lose count of how many times he’d stared down the barrel of that particular gun. The next thing he noticed was the gun’s owner, he knew who it was even in the dim moonlight through the room’s window and the low lights from the hallway. The face was expressionless and covered with dark splotches he assumed were dirt. But the dark blue eyes flashed in anger bordering on rage. “Hey can’t we talk about this a moment?” Duo said weakly and raised his hands slowly; glad he’d actually tied the towel around himself. A towel wasn’t much protection, but he didn’t want to be naked when faced with anger like this.
The boy holding the gun walked unsteadily into the room and kicked the door shut quietly with a small grunt. He leaned back and locked it. He seemed to be favoring his left side. His eyes and gun never left Duo. He crossed the small room in five big steeps and pinned Duo against the wall. Jamming the gun barrel roughly under Duo’s chin he grated, “Omae o korosu.” A single bead of nervous sweat rolled down Duo’s neck and across his shoulder. The golden skinned Asian boy in front of him was literally covered in dirt and leaf litter. The scent of drying blood came to Duo’s nose. Heero’s pale blue jeans were too big, his long sleeved black shirt floated on him and they weren’t anything Duo had seen him wear before, even his ugly yellow sneakers were gone. His lips were either badly chapped or he’d been chewing on them. Dried blood clung to one corner. He looked messy and unkempt; nothing at all like Duo was used to from the smaller boy, who was a bit of a neat freak.
“I know I got in the way during the last mission, but Heero really…” Duo trailed off. Heero didn’t look right; he looked like he didn’t really care. Like he was going through the motions of holding a gun to Duo’s head, the feeling just wasn’t there. Duo was almost offended. Almost, if he hadn’t been nervous. Heero pulled the gun away and Duo heaved a sigh as the danger passed. *God he makes me so hot!* Duo thought silently then wondered what kind of person he was to find in so hot that his crush held a gun to his head on a regular basis and really meant it. Heero set his duffel carefully onto the edge of his bed, he seemed glad to be rid of its weight. He held his right arm unconsciously close to his body as if it hurt him.
“You want to get started now?” Duo asked and pulled the towel off his waist to dry his hair as he sat cross-legged in the middle of his bed. He didn’t care if Heero saw him naked, it wasn’t anything he hadn’t seen before. Besides he kept hoping, dreaming, fantasizing, that Heero would show an interest in him one day. *Might as well hope death grows a heart to love.* He told himself. *Well, I’m Death and I have a heart. So maybe there is a chance.*

“I have a mission report to finish.” He replied and started to pull his laptop out of his bag.

“You haven’t finished yet?” Duo blinked in surprise. “That was like two weeks ago! What have you been doing for the last three days you should have been here?” He scolded.

“I was taking a vacation!” His partner growled sarcastically.

“Was that a joke?” Duo asked and blinked again. *He’s late for a mission, he hasn’t even done the report for the last one, and he’s making jokes!* “Are you okay?” He asked his blue-eyed partner.

Fine!” Heero rumbled and leaned against the wall with a hiss. At first Duo didn’t recognize it for the sound of pain that it was. Normally Heero didn’t make noises like that. It was always more like-‘Hn.’ ‘Stop it baka.’ and ‘Omae o korosu.’
*He’s hurt!* Duo realized. *And badly if he’s admitting it enough to make a sound of pain.*
“Take off your clothes.” Duo commanded as he stood to his feet and approached Heero’s bed.

“Excuse me?” Heero almost stuttered as surprise molded his features.

“Take off your clothes.” Duo demanded again and started to pull the other boy’s shirt up. Fighting a smile at the look on his face.

“Let me go!” He hissed quietly and grabbed Duo’s wrists. Duo sat carefully on Heero’s legs and pulled harder.

“You’re hurt now let me help!” he ordered.

“Stop it. Stop!” Heero pushed against his broad shoulders frantically and the other boy striped his shirt off quickly. Duo froze in shock at he sight of his friend’s narrow chest. Sure the guy had just held a gun to his head, but that didn’t mean they weren’t friends. There wasn’t an inch of flesh that hadn’t been marked with bruises, cuts, or bite marks. Heero wrapped his arms protectively around his battered body with a gasping sob.

“Sweet God in hell!” Duo exclaimed softly. Heero stared straight ahead into nothing. “Heero.” Duo said gently and pulled him forward. Heero pushed away from him in fear, a small whimper slipping from his parted lips. Duo climbed off him hurriedly, threw on some clothes, wrapped the damp towel around Heero’s shaking frame, and then dragged him by his left arm to his feet. One of his legs gave out and he toppled to the side. Duo caught him and deftly lifted him easily into his arms and carried him out of the dorm room. He rushed to one of the bathrooms and set Heero gently into one of the shower stalls. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” He instructed and rushed out. When he came back with the bath supplies, Heero was huddled in the corner of the stall shivering violently and muttering softly in Japanese. Duo set the stuff down and took the towel gently from Heero’s clenched fingers. He shucked his clothes and moved on to Heero’s. The moment his hands touched the edge of the other boy’s pants he started keening loudly. Duo clamped a hand around his mouth as gently as possible to silence him. “Yuy.” He said in his best drill sergeant voice, feeling guilty for using the soldier in him to get him to do what Duo wanted him to. Heero’s eyes focused and he stopped yelling. “You have to stay quiet.” He instructed. Heero nodded slowly and Duo cautiously removed his hand. He unbuttoned Heero’s pants and pulled them off him as gently as possible. “Mother fucker!” He hissed between his teeth. “Damn Heero how did you think you were going to complete a mission like this.” He whispered mostly to himself.

“I’m sorry.” Heero croaked shakily. “I…I couldn’t stop them Duo. I’m sorry. I…I tried…” His voice was quiet and hoarse with emotion and…unshed tears.

*I’ve never heard that in his voice before.* Duo thought.
“No, no it’s okay, we’ll manage.” He said soothingly. “We’ll get you cleaned up.” Duo started the shower, rapidly filling the tiled room with steam. “Can you stand?” he asked and Heero nodded. Duo pulled him to his feet helped him into the shower, practically having to carry him. Heero knew he couldn’t walk but didn’t want to admit it. Heero gasped, the hot water stung his many cuts and scraps, but soothed his bruised and battered body. A large gash sat just above his left knee, his legs were as bruised as the rest of him. Bruises covered his neck like someone had tried to choke him. Repeatedly. The right side of his head was bruised and cut; bite marks covered his torso some fresh, others already starting to heal. Duo could now see that his right shoulder was dislocated and the braided boy cringed thinking about how much it must have hurt to have his shirt yanked off. His ribs were broken. Just about all of them on his right side.
*Nonononononononononono!* Duo’s mind screamed in panic. The phrase ‘I couldn’t stop them’ ran through Duo’s mind and suddenly made more sense than he wanted it to. He lightly ran his fingers over a set of bruises on Heero’s thighs and hips. Bruises from where someone had dug their hands into his hips repeatedly. As if they were holding him from behind, as if they were raping him. Duo felt Shinigami rise up within him. “Lets get you cleaned up.” Was all he said out loud. His voice was even and deadpan. *After all you could just be being a pessimist. Heero is the Perfect Soldier. He’d get away before anything really bad happened to him. Before anything like…* Heero’s voice was so full of anguish and pain as he said he couldn’t get away. Duo knew, even without Heero telling him, he knew in his breaking heart that no matter how much he wanted it to be false, Heero, his Heero had been raped. His Heero had been hurt. And there would be blood for it! There would be pain!! There would be death!!!
*Who dares to touch what is mine!!!* He screamed silently.
Duo brushed against Heero’s hips silently. He couldn’t seem to tear his eyes away from those marks. His hands tightened convulsively on the lithe hips before him wanting nothing more than to erase the marks and claim what was rightfully his, what had always been his. Sure Heero hadn’t shown any interest in Duo. In anyway. *In fact he probably really doesn’t like me.* Duo thought. But that wasn’t the issue here. The fact remained that if Heero belonged to anyone it was Duo.

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And Heero shivered harder. *How?* He wondered. *How do they always find the same spots without looking?* Heero raised his arm in a half-hearted attempt to push his attacker away; a cry of fear beaded on his wounded lips and crashed like a droplet of water to the ground.

“Its okay Heero, its alright. I’m right here.” A soft voice spoke reassuringly to him. He parted his eyelids slowly and stared up in fear at the man leaning over him from behind as his friend held him up. Violet eyes looked down at him in sorrow and concern.

“Duo?” he croaked.

“Yeah its me.” he said smiling a little and brushed Heero’s bangs back gently.

“Please don’t!” He yelped in fear and twisted in Duo’s arms, locking his good hand around Duo’s shoulder. “Don’t! Please, please, please stop it! Please make them stop! Duo, please!! Please make them stop! Make them stop! Make them stop please! Please stop it! Please make them stop,” He begged as his frantic voice fell to a lower octave and became a slow hurt filled chant.

Duo poured sage scented shampoo into his hands and lathered it hurriedly, speaking a mantra of comfort the entire time. He didn’t know what he said, it wasn’t important right then, it worked. Slowly Heero grew quiet and began to relax. Duo turned him around again so his back was to the braided boy. He massaged the shampoo gently into Heero’s hair, Duo’s face set itself into a frown when he felt not one, but three knots on his skull as he washed the other’s hair. He rinsed Heero’s hair just as gently and washed it again, then conditioned it. Heero’s injured leg gave out and he started to fall. Before he could even cry out Duo had him wrapped in his arms and pressed against his firm body. He leaned Heero back against his chest letting him stand without putting weight on his bad leg. He lathered his hands in a soap that smelled like lavender and ran his hands slowly over every inch of Heero’s body. Even when Duo’s hands had slid wordlessly down his stomach and wrapped soapy fingers in the curly hair that crowned his penis and then further still. When his hands had cupped Heero’s rear and when his fingers trailed over the bruises of fingertips on his hips, Heero had just leaned his head back against Duo’s shoulder and let the water and Duo’s hands play over his body. And then Duo did it again so that no trace of dirt or blood remained. So that every hurt had been washed away with the warmth of the water and the warmth of Duo’s flesh against his. And when all the soap was gone Duo just held Heero in his arms and ran his fingers lightly over Heero’s chest and shoulders with the shorter boy pressed against his front. Duo shut the water off reluctantly and toweled Heero dry quietly. He slipped a pair of black cotton boxers over Heero’s frame and a pair of loose black sweat pants. Heero leaned tiredly against the wall, panting as Duo slid a gray long sleeved shirt over his head and pulled the smaller boy against his warmth. Heero wrapped an arm readily around Duo’s waist, which really worried him. In fact Heero was being much too cooperative with all that he was doing to him.

“Heero, man are you okay?” he asked as he steered the shivering boy towards their room. Heero didn’t answer, but pulled himself closer to Duo. They entered the darkened room and Duo eased Heero down onto the bed, after turning the lights on, and pulled his friend’s recently donned clothes back off, he couldn’t have let him walk around naked, someone could have seen them.
Duo pulled out a needle and thread from the first-aid kit he always carried. “This needs stitches.” He said indicated the large gash just above Heero’s swollen knee. Heero nodded slowly and Duo finished quickly. Heero didn’t make a noise the entire time. He sewed another long cut across Heero’s back, then applied tons of antibiotic ointment to his other wounds. And handed him a couple of pain relievers. Which he took readily.

“Why are you doing this?” Heero asked suddenly looking up at his friend. Duo just looked at him.
“Why are you helping me? You always do. Whenever I’m hurt you always help me first, even if you’re hurt too. Why?”

“Because you’re my partner. I’m supposed to take care of you.” Duo replied. Heero looked down silent once more and his shoulders drooped slightly almost in disappointment. “Besides, if I don’t take care of you who will? I mean all we have is each other, right? Going to a normal hospital would raise too many questions and Sally isn’t always around. So that leaves just you and me most of the time. The conversation is good at least.” He joked and Heero snorted indignantly, which Duo was glad to hear. “But seriously. You’re my friend. Probably my best friend. I take care of you because…I care.” He finished lamely.

“Thank you Duo.” Heero said softly and burst into tears. Duo stood worriedly holding Heero against him a moment while the other boy got himself back under control.

“I need to reset your shoulder and it’s going to hurt like hell, but the sooner the better. How long has it been like this?” he asked as he wrapped a #2 pencil in a clean sock and handed it to Heero.

“Three days, I think.” Heero said quietly and clamped the wad between his teeth tightly.

“Jesus-fucking-Christ Heero! What the hell happened?!” He exclaimed as he took Heero’s arm above the elbow gently in hand.[3] He raised the arm almost to shoulder level and put his foot against the bed. “I need you to hold still. Don’t pull away from me, but hold yourself steady.” He instructed calmly. *Please don’t let him see how nervous I am.* Duo prayed. “One, two…” Duo pulled hard against Heero’s arm and Heero held himself still with a small cry of muffled pain. Duo felt the shoulder pop back into place and released the arm. Heero pulled it against his chest protectively and rocked back and forth in hurt.

“Are you alright?” Duo asked worriedly. Heero spat out the gag. Duo bent to retrieve it and found the pencil was broken into three pieces. *No real surprise there.* he thought.

“Fine.” Heero mumbled softly.

“Do you want to tell me what happened?” Duo asked simply.

“I was captured. Six men.” Heero told him, his eyes wide with fear, his voice barely a whisper.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Duo prompted when nothing more was said.

Heero lifted his head painfully. The word ‘no’ was halfway off his tongue, but when he looked up into those large violet eyes fully of concern; actual, real concern, everything came rushing back to him. He launched himself off the bed and against Duo who caught him with a grunt and stumbled backwards slightly.

“Duo!” He sobbed. “Please don’t leave me please!” He knew he was begging and he didn’t care. All that mattered was that Duo stay with him. “I need you.” He whispered between sobs almost too softly to hear.

“I’m not going to leave you Heero. I’m right here.” Duo told him soothingly but the smaller boy didn’t loosen his grip. “Lets get you dressed.” He suggested and pushed Heero back gently. Heero only then realized he was naked still. He slipped the black boxers back onto Heero’s body. “Are you hungry?” Duo asked as he sat Heero onto his bed. Heero pulled one of Duo’s pillows into his lap and nodded. *He looks like a scared little kid. * Duo thought to himself. *If I ever find the bastards that did this…* He trailed off and filled his mind with images of pain and retribution. He began making instant Ramon noodles in the room’s microwave. He slammed the closet door shut angrily after he grabbed a box of beef noodles out of it. He saw Heero jump out of the corner of his eye. “I’m sorry Heero, I’m just pissed off!” He exclaimed in frustration.

“You don’t have to make anything if you don’t want to.” He whispered his eyes wide with fright.

“Its not that, I want to get my hands on the mother-fucking, one-balled, accidentally birthed bastards that hurt you!” He almost yelled and kicked the closet door. “Of course I want to cook you something, you’re hungry.” He told his friend more calmly.

“Oh,” Was all Heero said as the microwave dinged. Duo stirred the noodles and took them to Heero. The Japanese boy took the styrofoam cup with shaking hands and finished the food faster than Duo thought humanly possible.

“When was the last time you ate?” Duo asked.

“The last night you were at the house.” Heero told him quietly.

“Heero?” Duo said emotionlessly.

“Yes.” He replied quietly.

“That was a week and a half ago.” His voice still expressionless. Heero just nodded. *Somebody will die for this.* He promised silently as he looked at the small Japanese boy wrapped forlornly around one of his pillows. He made two more packages of noodles, both of which Heero scarfed hungrily. Although Duo was glad to note that he ate the last dish slower and leaned back with a small sigh of full contentment as he handed the cup to Duo.

“Let me have your laptop.” Duo commanded and Heero relinquished it without comment, waving his hand uncaringly to where it lay on the other bed. Duo took it silently. Trying to hide his worry. “I updated your profile to say that the reason you moved to this school was because of bullies. That will account for your condition and the fact that you arrived after you’re scheduled time. I also made it look like we came from the same area so we can ‘know’ each other this time.”

“Thanks.” Was all he said. Nothing about the laptop. He didn’t even look at it. Now Duo was really, really worried.

“I’m going to open the window a little. Its hot in here.” Duo said and Heero nodded. Even though it was winter the heat was always up so high that Duo slept with the window open most of the time. He tucked Heero into the opposite bed, stripped off his own clothes and climbed into his own bed after turning off the lights. He always slept naked if he could. It was habit.

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Heero lay staring at the ceiling. Shadows flickered across the ceiling as a cold wind blew the leafless branches outside. Heero closed his eyes tiredly. He needed sleep; he hadn’t slept in…five days, four? He couldn’t remember. His terror had kept him awake but now he needed sleep. His eyes slowly drifted shut, they snapped back open.
*What was that shadow?*
~Just the trees outside. Probably.~ He let his eyes close again.
*That really was something.* Eyes snapped open.
~Go to sleep.~ He closed his eyes anxiously. He kept them closed even though he was shaking uncontrollably, certain at any moment an Oz soldier was going to grab him.
*Please don’t let them get me, please don’t let them get me!* he begged silently.
*What if they get Duo too?* He whispered in his mind.
~Duo is healthy, they won’t get him.~
*I was healthy and they got me!!* He fairly screamed in his head. He could feel the more practical voice in his head getting more and more nervous as it pondered the possibility that Duo and he might be captured. *I don’t want them to get me again.* he whimpered silently.
~Get up! Get up right now!! They’re coming! It could be too late!!!~ Heero didn’t realize that the “More Practically” side of him was just as paranoid as the rest of him. Heero cried out in pain and fear scrambling out of the bed as quickly as possible.

“What…” Duo sat up and looked around. Heero half staggered, half fell across the room to Duo’s bed. He realized he was sobbing uncontrollably and ranting in Japanese. Duo gripped Heero tightly as he fell across the bed. “Heero calm down.” Duo told him.

“Duo they’re coming please lets go.” Heero switched to English.

“Who’s coming?” Duo asked clutching Heero as he perched tensely on the edge of the bed.

“Please lets just go!” Heero begged again his voice going shrill as he grabbed Duo’s arm.

“How do you know someone’s coming?” he asked logically. Heero was struck speechless.
~*I’m being irrational. I’ve allowed my emotion to rule me and I’ve made a fool of myself.*~ He realized.
“I’m being paranoid.” He said out loud. “I’m sorry Duo.”

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“No one here knows us. And no one knows where you are.” Duo reassured him and patted his hand. “And I’d be paranoid too.” He said softly and brushed the backs of his fingers lightly against Heero’s tear stained cheek. Heero sank against his chest with a small sigh. Duo gently wrapped his arms around the diminutive frame pressed against his shoulder. Duo felt like nothing it the world could go wrong, so long as he had Heero in his arms. *I think this is a very bad thing.* he thought to himself.
~I would tend to agree.~
~*Sigh*~
~What do we do?~
*You’re asking me?!*
~This isn’t something I would do well with. I’m your brain, you’re the heart.~
~*Sigh*~
*I really can’t help it you know. I’ve tried to ignore it. I’ve tried denying it. I even tried hating him. That plan only lasted about any hour; as soon as I saw him I melted inside.*
~*Sigh*~
~So that’s it then?~
*That’s it.* he agreed with himself.
~*We love Heero Yuy.*~ It felt good actually to finally admit it to himself and hear himself say it.
*Too bad he hates me.*
~He’s hugging you.~
*He’s scared.*
~The Perfect Soldier doesn’t get scared.~
*He’s scared! I know him better than you. And it’s a shame really. For as hot as he is and for all that I love him, we’ll never be more than friends.*
~There’s always a chance. Tell him how you feel.~
*I’m not even sure he knew the details of what goes on between a woman and a man, now he knows too much about what goes on between two guys. Trust me there’s no chance.* he argued with himself.
~No! What he knows is that someone can hurt him. He doesn’t know that he shouldn’t be afraid because he doesn’t have anything to compare it to.~
*What do you want me to do?!*
~Show him how you feel. Show him he doesn’t have to be afraid.~
*…Ya know…for my brain…that was really dumb. ‘Lets just come-on to the recently victimized.’-plan. While we’re at it why don’t we light burn victims in the ICU on fire!!*
~Let him know he doesn’t have to be afraid of someone touching him. Besides he never said he was…that that was what happened.~
*No!! I won’t cause him more hurt and confusion just because I have a crush on him.*
~A crush!! Tell me you’re joking. You almost left your mission to go and find him!!~
*No.* After the fifteen seconds it took to have this conversation with himself, Duo gently shifted Heero away from him. Trying to stop the familiar ache in his chest at the thought of being without him. He inhaled a deep sigh and wished he hadn’t. Heero’s scent mixed with lavender and sage filled his nostrils.
“Lets get you back to bed.” Duo said softly. Heero nodded slightly but didn’t meet Duo’s eyes. Duo stood and helped Heero to his feet and the few steps separating their beds. He helped Heero ease back against the mattress and settled the covers around his thin frame. *He’s lost weight.* Duo realized unhappily. “Good night Heero.” He whispered quietly and forced himself not to kiss the golden brow or linger too long at the bedside. He climbed back into bed and after a few minutes pretended to be asleep because he knew Heero wouldn’t sleep until he did. All because of one little innocent water balloon incident. (But that’s another story.) Duo knew he wouldn’t really go back to sleep. His mind was in too much turmoil. He loved Heero; he’d always known it. But tonight he’d admitted to it, if only to himself. He kept his breathing even, he kept from fidgeting, a feat which anyone one else who knew him would have thought impossible from the ADDrific[5] American. Anyone except Heero who once watched him sit perfectly still for forty-five minutes during and assassination mission.
After awhile Duo heard the rustle of sheets. Heero climbed quietly out of his bed. Duo had his back to the wall, facing Heero and the rest of the room. He lay with his eyes closed, ignoring his friend. *Probably has to use the bathroom.* He thought. Duo felt him hesitate as if trying to decide what to do. He limped a few steps towards where Duo lay and pulled the covers back slowly. He lay down on just the edge of the bed and pulled the covers carefully over his shivering frame. After a moment Duo felt him relax slightly. Duo ‘woke up’ and he felt Heero stiffen beside him. He wound his arm around Heero’s slim waist and slowly pulled him towards the warmth of his body. He didn’t pull away, but he didn’t move towards Duo either. He slipped one arm under the smaller boy and held him protectively against his body. Heero relaxed against him with a small sigh as the two of them fell asleep. Each content to be held close to the other.

The next day Duo’s alarm went off loudly around eight am. Heero woke screaming and tried to push away from Duo frantically. Duo clamped a hand tightly around Heero’s mouth and slammed his other hand forcefully onto the jangling clock silencing it abruptly. Heero gripped at Duo’s wrist with both hands, his eyes screwed shut tightly. His breathing came in ragged pants through his nostrils.
“Heero calm down.” Duo said calmly over Heero’s muffled cries. He kneed Duo in the stomach, knocking the breath out of him. Duo fought for breath and fought to keep Heero in his grasp. He knew if Heero broke free he’d scream loud enough to bring the whole floor running. He needed to calm him down and quickly. “Heero, open your eyes.” He said finally gaining breath. “Heero look at me. Look at me.” He demanded. “This is just Duo, open your eyes and see me.” he said keeping his voice even. “You’re safe, I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. I’ll protect you. I promise.” Duo found that there were tears running down his face. Heero didn’t respond. He just fought weakly against Duo; all his energy spent on kneeing Duo, and continued screaming mutedly around Duo’s hand. “Heero…” Duo faltered. He wasn’t sure he could handle the pain written on every line of Heero’s beautiful face. *Why damn you!* he raged at the heavens above. *Why Heero! Why him!!*
“You couldn’t leave him alone? Hasn’t he been through enough? Why did you have to do this to him? Why him? Why my Heero!!” Duo sobbed brokenly without even realizing he was talking out loud. Heero began to pull Duo’s hand away and Duo let him. Duo opened his eyes to see Heero staring at him in disbelief. Duo wrapped his arms around Heero’s shaking frame gently.

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*What’s wrong with me? I’m not supposed to feel like this, I’m not supposed to feel at all!* He chewed on his bottom lip worriedly. *I’m supposed to be able to take anything; I’m the Perfect Soldier. I’m not supposed to care that they…* Even in his mind he couldn’t bring himself to think about what had happened. But he felt like he should tell Duo for some reason.

“Duo?” croaked Heero. “Have you ever had…something so horrible happen to you that you have no idea…how to put it into words?” Duo’s breath hitched in his chest as Heero continued haltingly. “I don’t even know if there’s a…word for it. I just know that…it hurts and I don’t know why. It shouldn’t hurt Duo! I don’t…I don’t understand why it hurts so much…I…don’t know how to explain what happened. What they did…” a sob caught in his throat.

“Heero I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there to keep you safe.” His violet eyes were wide as he stared down at Heero. He begged silently for forgiveness. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there to stop them from hurting you. I care about you. I want you to be safe and happy. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.” He whispered. Heero shifted slightly in Duo’s arms and punched him in the face. Hard.
“Fuck!” Duo swore loudly.

“If you ever say that again I’ll…I can’t even think of anything! Omae o korosu!” Heero told him loudly.

“Which part?” Duo asked sulkily, being his smart ass self once more, as Heero pulled away from him and stood to his feet.

“You don’t know, you don’t understand what its like to have them…Duo I…I *feel* like…” Heero trailed off shaking his head as he looked at Duo sitting to the end of the bed.

“Feel like what?” Duo prompted. *You need to get this out of you or it will fester like a poison and kill you. And I won’t let that happen.*
“I wish I could have saved you this hurt. I wish it had been me.” Duo told him still looking into his eyes when he realized the small boy wasn’t going to answer.

Heero looked confused. “Really?” Duo blinked in surprise. “Do you actually…care about me that much?” Heero asked softly, not really sure if he wanted this to be true or not. *Duo of course has no clue what I mean, but the thought is nice. He knows something bad happened and it does make me…*feel*…better.” He *hissed* the word in his mind, hating the way it curled around his insides like a snake squeezing the life out of him.

“Of course.” Duo said without hesitation. He knew that Heero was having a difficult time understanding this deep a concept of friendship and caring, much less a sense of self-sacrifice out of caring. Putting yourself in harm’s way on purpose to save someone when it wasn’t a mission was illogical, it was something born out of emotions. And that was something Heero didn’t know how to cope with.

“Why?” Heero asked. His emotions, feelings he wasn’t supposed to have, were in turmoil within him. Mostly he wanted to understand why Duo would say something like that. Did he really mean it as he said he did? If he did Heero wasn’t sure how to react or what to say.

“Because I…you’re my friend Heero. My best friend, my only friend.” The chestnut-haired boy said softly. “ I tell you things I don’t tell the others, things I don’t tell anyone. I never worry about what you’ll think of me, because I know that no matter what, I’ll always just be Duo to you and you’ll be Heero. I would do anything I could to save you from the pain you’re feeling right now. Even if it meant that I had to put myself in harm’s way.” The braided boy climbed to his feet and walked slowly to where Heero stood in shock. He cradled Heero’s face gently in his hands and tilted the shorter boy’s face upwards. “I would go anywhere to take away the hurt I see in your eyes. I would kill anyone to take away these bruises.” Duo ran his thumb lightly over the bruises on the side of Heero’s face. His heart froze as he looked up into Duo’s violet eyes. He saw there something he couldn’t classify, something he didn’t recognize. Some emotion Duo felt that softened his features and made Heero’s breathe hitch in his chest at the sight of it. Heero realized that he and Duo were standing very close together and that Duo was still naked while he was wearing only a thin pair of boxers. *We slept together all night.* Heero stated silently. *And for some reason……that really doesn’t bother me. Even though I feel like it probably should. I didn’t have any nightmares.* Duo pulled Heero roughly against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around the shorter boy. For a moment Heero just stood stiffly in the circle of his friend’s arms. Then he lifted his arms slowly and rested his hands lightly on Duo’s back. Duo ran his hand softly over the abused skin of Heero’s side. Each finger gliding smoothly over Heero’s uninjured ribs as if trying to brush away his pain. *I should be uncomfortable with this.* The thought came to Heero. *He’s naked and he’s holding me against him. He’s touching me!* For just a moment panic flared in Heero’s chest like a dark monster from the bottom of a lake. Heero gave a sharp intake of breath and tensed to push away. But as he did, the scent of lavender filled his mind and pushed away his fear. *This is Duo. Duo would never hurt me. He’ll protect me. He’ll keep them away from me.*
~Why would he protect me? I can’t protect myself and therefore I’m not worth keeping.~
*He said he was my friend.*
~Duo never lies…he said he’d protect me.~
Heero pushed his hands tightly against Duo’s back and sank into the other boy’s solid frame. The scent of Duo, the feeling of him pressed against Heero’s body, his warmth as he held Heero tighter. All these things seemed to sink into Heero; into a part of him he didn’t know he had. They helped to fill a void he didn’t know existed until it wasn’t hollow and empty anymore. He felt…safe for the first time in a very, very long time, for the first time in years actually. Duo didn’t want to kill him. Duo didn’t want to hurt him. Duo didn’t want to change him. He accepted Heero for who he was, knowing that Heero couldn’t be anything else. Duo wanted to keep him safe. Duo was his friend. Duo was Shinigami and nothing could hurt him now that he was cradled in Death’s arms. The irony of this did not escape Heero. Nothing could hurt him while he was with Duo. Heero almost didn’t recognize the feeling of…contentment that washed over him as Duo held him tightly.
*I’m safe.* he realized. *Here like this I’m safe and no one can hurt me.*
“Duo, artigatou.” He said softly. “It means ‘thank you’ in Japanese.”

“No problem. It means ‘no problem’ in English.” Duo smirked at the shorter boy and got a small, tentative smile in return.

“I really mean it. Thank you for…all you’ve done for me. You always help me, whether I think I need it or not, but most of the time you’re right.”
*I’ll regret saying that I just know it.* he told himself.
“I normally do…feel…better after I talk to you.” Heero admitted surprising himself and he found that he didn’t want to stop talking to his longhaired friend. He continued softly. “Sometimes I think that you’re one of the only reasons I haven’t completely lost my mind yet.” He trailed off unsure of how to continue. He felt he wanted to say more, but had no idea how to say it or even what he wanted to say. He settled for heaving as deep a sigh as his battered body would let him and resting his head against Duo’s shoulder comfortably.

“Are you hungry?” Duo asked.

“Starving.” Heero told him softly. Looking down at his friend’s emaciated, boxer-clad form he realized that Heero wasn’t one to exaggerate and that he probably was, indeed, starving after being a prisoner. Duo cooked them some breakfast in the microwave.

“We have four hours before any of our classes start.” Duo told him. “ We have five classes each, two of them together and three apart. Each is an hour long. The two teachers we share need to be checked out and one a piece in our others. First I have math, then geology, social studies, English, and Psychology. You’ve got math, science, social studies, Intro. to Chemistry, and drama. We need to check math, social studies, psychology, and Intro. to Chemistry. They don’t seem to be doing anything suspicious at the moment, but then again if they were people would know about them already and we wouldn’t be here. Lunch is after third period. Lets go and I’ll show you around.” Duo milled about the dorm room collecting clothes for them to wear. He gave Heero one of his long sleeved shirts and pair of pants, both were way too big for him. “While we’re out we can do some laundry, we’ll wash your clothes.” Duo said throwing the clothes Heero had worn when he got there into a clothesbasket.

“No!” Heero stated emphatically as he stood with the black pants barely hanging on his frame, the red shirt clutched tightly in his hands.

“Did you bring any other clothes?” Duo asked. Heero shook his head silently and closed his eyes. “Maybe we should keep them just in case. I only have three outfit that aren’t PJ’s.” Duo suggested.

“I don’t want them.” Heero told Duo softly. He sounded close to tears. He clasped the shirt red to his torso and wrapped his arms around himself as he fought back sobs. The brightness of it emphasizing the dark splotches of his bruised body.

“Heero, its okay, its okay we can get you new clothes don’t worry.” Duo said hurriedly and put the pants and shirt into the trash bin. “Hey its alright.” He whispered soothingly as he wrapped his arms gently around Heero.

“They belonged to them.” His whispered voice was full of anguish and pain. “I…I took them when I got away. I didn’t have anything else and I had…had to get away. They kept my gun and laptop because they were useful, but they said that……I didn’t need any clothes. I didn’t know…I…I didn’t understand what they were going to do to me…I didn’t know that things like this could happen! I’m not even sure…I just don’t…I didn’t ever think that anything could hurt so fucking bad!! The…the f-first time my hurt so bad, and God how I just wanted to die!!! I hurt inside and I didn’t know why! I thought I might have internal bleeding, I thought, hoped, I was dying. Then I realized that it wasn’t my body that hurt…………I was having emotions and they HURT!!!!!!!!! Fucking Christ, they hurt!! Duo they hurt so bad and I can’t make them go away again! I can’t make them stop, I can’t stop *feeling* and I don’t want it anymore!! I’m not strong like you; I can’t take these…these feelings! Every second, every breath is like…like…the event horizon of a black hole, I can’t escape and I feel so pulled thin and all around me everything is screaming and dying like stars,[6] but not me!! I’m still here feeling all of it and oblivion refuses to claim me! I just want it to stop, please make it stop Duo! I can’t live like this!! Please just make me not feel anymore! Please!! Just take it away, Please!” He begged sobbing into the taller boy’s shoulder.

“Heero listen.” Duo said quietly. “I know it hurts, I know. It’ll get better, little by little. I promise. One day you’ll wake up and you’ll go the entire day without think about it, without remembering what’s happened. And the hurt will fade and you’ll be able to be yourself again. And I can’t say it’ll disappear, because you’ll have good days and bad days, but before long there will be more good days than bad. It hurts now but it’ll get better.” He said rubbing small circles on his friend’s back. Heero pushed away for him angrily.

“Don’t you dare!” he shouted as he stumbled back as tears coursed down his cheeks. “Don’t you dare stand there and patronize me! Don’t open your mouth!” Heero yelled warningly, his blue eyes flashing brighter as he saw Duo was going to interrupt. “You have no clue what I’ve been through. You cannot even pretend to understand so don’t try. You don’t know how I feel! How do you know it’ll get better! How am I not supposed to think about this!! How is this supposed to stop hurting!!” He practically screamed.

“Heero you were raped, its obvious you feel beyond horrible. I only want to help you.” Duo said softly as he fought back tears of his own at his friend’s harsh words. Heero stood and stared at him from across the room.

“What did you say?” he asked softly.

“I said I can tell you’re in pain and I want to help you. Please don’t push me away, not this time Heero.” Duo begged. Heero shook his head silently. “You feel horrible?” Duo said wondering what his friend wanted. Heero hadn’t reacted. Duo fell silent staring at Heero. He’d repeated the entire sentence, except…(I didn’t understand what they were going to do to me…I didn’t know that things like this could happen!)…Heero had said that less than a minute ago. *When he said he didn’t understand, he didn’t mean ‘how could this have happened to me?’ He meant he DIDN’T UNDERSTAND!!!! He’s never heard of something like this happening, does he even….??* Duo thought frantically and his thoughts spilled over into his words.

“Heero, do you know what kissing is?” Duo held himself very still as he waited for an answer. Waiting for the Japanese pilot to blow him off, ‘of course you baka!’ he’d say, any minute now.

“No.” he stated evenly almost like his old self. Duo’s eyes bugged out of his head.

*Never heard of kissing!* Duo repeated silently in shock.

“What is it?” He asked. Duo’s eyes bugged out even more, if that were at all possible.

*I am NOT about to give Yuy the talk on the birds and bees!!* He told himself adamantly. But Heero stood there expectantly. He knew there was a lot he didn’t understand about people and social interactions in general, and Duo had always been the one to patiently explain them to him. Without judgment, without ridicule. Heero knew that if he really wanted to know something that Duo would tell him. Despite the fact that he teased him the rest of the time and aggravated him like no other person on the planet or Colonies, a fact that he prided himself on. Duo heaved a sigh. *This is going to suck.*

“Kissing can be a lot of things, it can mean a lot of things. Parents kiss their kids, friends kiss each other, lovers kiss each other normally to show affection or love.” Duo told him and Heero nodded once. Duo heaved an inward sigh, *That was easy.*

“Is it like a hug?” he asked. Duo sighed inwardly again and not out of relief.

“Not really, but the two can go together. A hug and a kiss. Its used the same way as a hug, but its…more…personal I guess.” Duo elaborated. Heero gave him a confused look.

“How can it be more personal than a hug?” he asked.

“It is trust me.” Duo told him.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, I do. I hug you.” He stated as if that proved everything. “But a hug requires you to wrap your arms around someone and have them do the same in return. You’re too close to defend yourself or attack. I don’t see how someone could do something more personal, except maybe sleep together.” He argued. Duo froze inside.

*He knows what sleeping together means, but not kissing?!* he exclaimed.

“Then you’re completely within another’s grasp, when you sleep you’re weak and to allow someone to be so close to you means you could potentially be under their control.” He continued.

*Oh, that kind of sleeping!* he stated relieved. ~Pervert.~ he told himself.

*He’s using this to try to get out of answering my original question.* Heero realized and was annoyed both with himself and his friend. “Now, what did you say?” he repeated his question tersely.

“Kissing is more personal than sleeping together.” Duo stated arguing and totally ignoring the inquiry. Heero could see that stubborn streak take over in Duo and knew he’d better play along if he wanted the braided boy to repeat what he said.

“Fine, what does it entail?” he asked. *Why is Duo turning red?* he asked himself.

“Well…um…it…you…” he stuttered. *Okay Maxwell, calm down.* “It involves your lips and sometimes your tongue, depending on the person. You press your lips against some else’s, or their cheek, or head. Actually you can kiss just about anywhere. Sometimes people just kiss for fun, just to enjoy it.” He stated in a rush. Heero stared at him blankly.

“I fail to see how that is more personal than holding your body close enough to be hugged or falling asleep with someone.” Heero told him.

“Have you ever kissed anyone?” Duo asked loftily.

“No, but…”

“Well okay then.” Duo stated firmly.

“But I still don’t agree.” Heero finished. Duo quickly crossed the room.

“Heero trust me?” he stated.

“Duo just kiss me and prove me wrong.” Heero demanded in a huff and folded his arms across his chest. *If Duo thinks this is more personal than sleeping together; I want to do this for him he’s my friend. And I think that if it is that important I should at least know about it. Why do I feel scared?* he asked himself as Duo moved slowly towards him.

*I can’t believe I’m going to kiss Heero Yuy and not get killed for it. I’m going to be his first kiss!* he thought giddily.
~You haven’t done it yet, he might kill you when its done.~
*I’ll die happy. It’s the best way to go. I kiss Heero, go to hell a little early, and am completely happy with it.* He predicted.
~…okay yeah.~

“I’ll stop whenever you want.” He whispered huskily. Heero’s eyes widened a little in surprise at the way Duo’s voice had changed. It was lower, the tone of it was different. His took Heero’s face in his hands gently, wrapping his fingers around his nape and laying his thumbs along the fronts of his ears and tilted it upwards. He leaned his face toward Heero slowly.

*Why do I feel like I’m drowning in his eyes? Have they always been that shade of violet? I thought they were lighter.* he stated perplexed.
Duo kept his eyes open until he was too close to focus on Heero and then his pale lids slid shut. His dark lashes resting against his cheeks. Heero had barely a moment to register the feeling of Duo’s warm breath against his skin before Duo tilted his head to the side and sealed the kiss. His mouth was parted slightly and his tongue brushed delicately against Heero’s closed lips. Heero jerked back slightly with a gasp and grabbed Duo’s wrists lightly in surprised, but made no other movement as Duo slipped the tip of his tongue past Heero’s now parted lips and gently began to stoke the inside of his mouth. His deft tongue slowly running over every crevice, every plane of the other boy’s mouth. Slowly Heero relaxed into it, the guarded, waiting tension left his body. He shyly pressed the tip of his tongue against the underside of Duo’s and when that seemed to go well he began exploring the tongue that caressed his own with more fervor. When Duo’s tongue snaked back into its owner’s mouth Heero followed without thinking. He eagerly ran his tongue over everything he could find, each sensation of tongue, tooth, flesh, bone wracking his mind and body with more sensor input than he knew what to do with, it over flowed in him in layers that settled into that void in him that he didn’t know he had until Duo had comforted him and held him and let him hold in return. Duo pressed harder against Heero’s mouth as he pulled his arms away from the other boy’s face and wound them careful around the slim waist of the boy before him, his bare skin hot against Duo’s arms. Heero leaned his body against the firm planes of Duo’s and stood on tiptoe, wrapping his arms around Duo’s neck tightly and gripping his elbows to be deeper in the kiss.
*A hug and a kiss, a hug and a kiss…* the phrase went pleasantly round and round inside Heero’s head even as he struggled to keep control of what was happening. Then he realized that it didn’t matter if he had control of what was going on, this was Duo, and Duo wouldn’t trust him. He’d often wondered why he trusted the braided-baka, but he did completely. *That…that…feels…nice?* Heero thought to himself. *I wonder what I should do?
Duo finally pulled back slightly sucking on Heero’s bottom lip as the two of them panted in each other’s arms. Duo broke his mouth away and leaned his head against the other boy’s. Heero began to tremble violently against Duo and Duo pulled back further to see his face. His gorgeous blue eyes were screwed shut as if in pain, his teeth were clenched, his nostrils were flared as he panted raggedly through his nose. Horror came over Duo in waves. *No, gods no, please don’t let me have hurt him with my stupidity!* he pleaded desperately. He loosed his grip but continued to rest his arms around Heero’s waist lightly.
“Heero?” he whispered softly. Heero gave a gasping moan pushed away from Duo violently and sank to the floor slowly. He wrapped one arm around his waist and clutched the back of his neck with the other rubbing his thumb along it repeatedly. “Heero?” Duo murmured again as he sank to his knees next to his friend. He reached out with a shaking hand and brushed his fingers lightly along Heero’s neck. The other boy froze as Duo continued running his fingers along his neck. Duo leaned over him slowly and placed his arm lightly over top of the arm around Heero’s waist twining his fingers in his friend’s. His braid twisted over his shoulder and fell against Heero’s body. Heero clutched it in his free hand tightly. “Heero…I’m…I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. Please don’t hate me.” Duo’s soft voice broke as hot tears fell against Heero’s skin and trailed down his back. A silent sob wracked Duo’s body.

“Hurt me?” He repeated quietly. *He thinks I’m afraid.* he realized. ~I am.~ he reminded himself. *But not of Duo, never of Duo.*He wanted to explain that he was okay, he wanted to reassure the other boy, but he wasn’t good with words or feelings or explaining them. He did the only thing he knew how. He acted. Gripping the thick braid tightly, turned his head and pulled Duo towards him. If it had been anyone else they would have lost the use of their arm, but Heero knew Duo wouldn’t hurt him. He lunged forward even as he yanked the American to him and slipped his tongue past the surprised lips. He wrapped his other arm around the taller boy’s waist and leaned flush against his body. He kissed him desperately, hungrily wanting more than anything to be close to his friend, to…what? He didn’t really know what. They broke the kiss as they fell backwards against the floor with a thump.
“Are you alright?” Duo wondered worriedly as he cradled Heero on top of his body. Heero hurriedly nodded at him breathlessly before leaning down to immerse himself in another tense kiss. When Duo returned the kiss lightly and wrapped his arms tightly around the lithe body on top of him, he felt all the boy’s muscles relax as he gave himself over completely to the kiss.
Heero cursed his need for air as he drew back panting. “I’m not hurt. You didn’t hurt me at all. I just…am not really sure. I…kissing you made me feel. I didn’t know what to do or how to react. I’m sorry.” he said quietly.

“Was it a good feeling?” Duo asked worriedly.

“Yes, it was.” He admitted hesitantly.
*He reacted to a good feeling by panicking. ::Sigh:: this is going to be a very hard experience to get him through.* Duo thought to himself. *When I find the bastards that hurt him…* Duo’s arms tightened protectively around the bare skin of Heero’s back.

“Its alright. I was just worried, but as long as you’re okay...” Duo told him as he to caught his breath form the kiss.

“Kissing is more personal.” He stated agreeing with Duo. Heero shifted higher on Duo’s body and placed his legs to either side of the taller boy’s torso to gain better access to his mouth as he sat against his hard chest. He tangled his fingers in Duo’s now very messy hair and began kissing him desperately again. “Heero hold on. Heero stop.” Duo said breathlessly a moment later and pushed the smaller boy up. Heero looked down at him confusedly. “We need to stop.” He said.

“Oh. Okay.” He said his voice hurt despite the carelessness he tried to put in it as he pulled away. Duo wrapped a restraining arm around Heero’s waist.

“Kissing can sometimes lead to other things and I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you.” Duo explained as he tried to calm his raging heart. And his raging hormones.

“What other things?” Heero asked. *Why does Duo turn red every time I ask a question?*

“Weeelll…like sex for one thing. Especially if you keep up the way you are.” Duo stated weakly turning an even darker shade of crimson.

“Duo what is sex?” he asked. From the way Duo said it he guessed it was something very important. *Why hasn’t he ever said anything before now if it’s so significant to him? We’re supposed to be friends. I tell him what’s on my mind……well maybe not I much as I should.* Heero vowed to talk to Duo more, he knew that his friend liked it when he contributed entire sentences to a conversation and Duo never bugged or nagged him about it.

“Sex is complicated…to say the least, but sometimes it can also be the simplest thing in the world. Its hard to define, well I mean the actual act…it…it isn’t so hard…*Holy Crap!!*…to explain. I mean it is sort of but not really…and…its kinda…” He trailed off shaking his head. *There is no way I can explain this.*

“Just show me.” a soft voice whispered next to Duo’s ear. Duo paled and frantically scooted from under Heero trying not to hurt him as he went.

“Absolutely not!” Duo almost shouted. Heero stared at him in shock. This was the first time Duo had ever refused to tell him something. “Sex is THE most personal thing you can do with a person!”

*What did you expect Yuy? You’re tainted…Duo must be realizing it. He doesn’t want to be around me. Its just a matter of time before he stops being my friend. But I…I need him! He’s strong in ways I can’t be and he makes things better. I don’t want him to hate me.* Heero looked at Duo and saw…nothing…his eyes held no emotion. Heero closed his eyes tightly and turned away. *Get used to it Heero. You are going to lose the only person you considered a true friend…just like they said.* Hurt, resignation, and pain rose up within him as he tried to choke back his tears. He climbed to his feet painfully aware of his aches and broken body that only a moment ago hadn’t mattered.

“Heero, I didn’t mean for that to come out the way it sounded. You just don’t know what you’re asking for. You’re really not ready for something like that. Trust me.” He explained.

“No I don’t know and I do trust you, that’s why I asked.” He stated emotionlessly.

“Heero if I had sex with you it would totally unfair to you! It would be taking advantage of you. I already feel kinda bad about kissing you.” Duo admitted to him.

“I wanted you to.” Heero told him, feeling a little surprised that he would feel guilty about it. *Maybe he didn’t really want to.* he thought sadly. *Maybe he wishes he hadn’t done it.*

“You didn’t know what you were asking for.” Duo stated trying to make Heero understand.

“At first no I didn’t, but after you kissed me I did and I wanted you to.” Heero said softly. He felt his face growing hot and wondered if he was coming down with a fever. “I still want you to.” He told the violet-eyed boy shyly, his voice soft and almost intangible.

*Heero’s blushing! That is the most ADORABLE thing I have ever seen!!* Duo couldn’t help but smile, yet it faltered and died. *I have to explain to him. I promise you Heero someone will die for this.*
“Sex can be, and should be the most wonderful thing that can happen between two people. It’s exciting and breathe taking and scary and makes you feel like you’re standing on the edge of a cliff. It’s calming and soothing and grounding and makes you feel safe all at once. It’s like the physical manifestation of the emotion of love. In fact it’s often called ‘making love’. It should be taken seriously and not rushed into and everyone involved should be sure of what they want.” Duo’s sad expression tore into Heero’s heart as he stared into Heero’s dark eyes. He crossed to his friend and gripped his shoulders tightly. Heero looked up at him trustingly. *I don’t want to do this. I shouldn’t have to do this!! It never should have happened to him!!* “My Heero.” He whispered and hugged his friend tightly. “But sex can also be the most horrible thing to ever happen to someone.”

“How can it be good and bad both?” Heero asked confused.

“If the people involved both want to be together then its beautiful…but sometimes one of them doesn’t want it.” Heero stiffened in Duo’s arms as he felt his friend’s hesitation. “Rape is when someone forces sex onto someone else. You were raped by the men that kidnapped you Heero.” Heero slowly leaned his head against Duo’s shoulder. Silent tears ran down the blue-eyed boy’s face.

*How can anyone think…* he thought to himself numbly.
“I didn’t…I didn’t want to.” He whispered out loud feeling as though he should defend himself for some reason, even though Duo wasn’t condemning him. “How can anyone think that sex is in any way a good thing!”

“I just told you, if the people involved…” Duo started.

“And I don’t understand how you can believe that!” Heero interrupted him loudly.

“Well since I’ve had sex and you haven’t, you’re going to have to trust me.” Duo told him. Heero paled in his arms.

Duo could see the gears in Heero’s head turning. “I feel horrible. I feel…I…don’t know how to explain…I feel tainted. I didn’t want to…have sex with them and I don’t understand how you can think that that’s…that’s okay. That doing something like that is good.” He whispered his voice low and small in the still room. “I just feel….”

“You feel like it’s your fault even though you didn’t want it and tried to stop it.” Duo stared at the wall over Heero’s head, refusing to look at him. “You feel…dirty, like you’ll never be clean again no matter how many showers you take or how hot the water is.” Duo’s voice broke as he spoke softly. His words froze Heero to the core. “Every time you wake up the remembrance of what they did to your body crashes down on you again so that you feel like you can’t breath.” Duo looked up, staring into Heero’s eyes. “You feel worthless, used, ugly, useless, you feel like a slut, like a whore, you feel like a toy, you feel like some part inside you has been stolen and you wish like hell that they’d just killed you so that it wouldn’t hurt so bad!” By the time he finished talking Heero could feel him shaking. “And I wish to god that you didn’t know what I was talking about. I wish to god that you were standing there looking at me with a blank face that didn’t understand these emotions. I wish to god that it had been me!” he practically shouted.
“You’ve never had sex Heero, you’ve never made love. I have and I’ve been raped. There is a huge difference. What they did to you wasn’t okay, but having sex with someone you like and that likes you back is okay. You were raped. You had what should have been something wonderful, twisted and forced upon you. What they did to you was wrong. It wasn’t your fault it was theirs. You didn’t deserve it, you didn’t encourage it, you didn’t want it. You aren’t less of a person because of it, you aren’t bad, you aren’t ugly, you aren’t dirty, you aren’t used goods! You are still the most wonderful, beautiful, smart, capable, intelligent, gorgeous person that I know!” Duo assured him emphatically.

“Who?” Heero asked softly.

“What?” Duo responded confused.

“Who?” He growled out. “Who hurt you?” Heero’s voice a soft whisper, it tugged and pulled at Shinigami, begging him to come out and play. Duo was surprised that Heero would react so strongly.

“I don’t know I was still on L2.” Duo stated. He could see Heero thinking, see him weighing the odds of finding the man on the colony after all these years and killing him, painfully, then his face fell rapidly.

“You have to hate me.” Heero said in a pained, scared voice as he pulled away from the taller boy.

“What…How could I ever hate you?” Duo asked pulling Heero back against his frame.

“You know what I let them do to me.” He was trembling and wouldn’t look higher than Duo’s shoulder.

“Hey didn’t I just say it wasn’t your fault and that I still like you.” Duo stated pulling his chin up and making him raise his eyes. “I do. You’re still my friend and I want to help you. I want you to be happy.” Duo told him holding him tighter. Heero relaxed against him after a moment. Duo nuzzled his face into Heero’s hair amazed that his friend had been letting him take such liberties. Normally his crush would have hit him at least a dozen times, hard, or killed him, for trying to have this much physical contact in the last day. In fact they’d had more contact in the last day than they had in the entire course of their friendship. But Duo realized that he needed to be reassured to start healing. He needed a friend, someone he could trust, he needed love and kindness and caring and understanding, he needed Duo.

Duo ran his hand gently over Heero’s face and tilted it upwards slowly. *I don’t want him to be afraid of kissing.* Heero stiffened in his arms as the other boy slowly leaned down towards him. Heero tensed and tried to pull back as Duo’s lips neared his. “Its okay.” Duo told him softly. “I’ll stop whenever you want.” Duo told him holding his arm around his friend’s waist. He brushed his lips lightly against the smaller boy’s in a chaste kiss and pulled back slowly. Heero swallowed convulsively and stared up at Duo with wide eyes. “I won’t let anyone hurt you Heero. I’ll do everything in my power to protect you and I’ll be dead, damned, and gone before anyone ever lays a finger on you again while I’m around!” He tightened his arms devotedly around Heero’s body and felt his heart freeze as his friend snuggled closer to his warmth. Pride and happiness burst inside him. *He trusts me to protect him.*
“Let’s go get you some new clothes okay.” Duo said gently. Heero nodded. “There’s going to be a lot of people because the only place to go around here is the mall. So please, for me, try not to kill anyone okay.” Duo requested only half joking. Heero sent a death glare at him and Duo smiled goofily. “I’m sooooo happy to see you glaring at me.” He told his friend. The glare turned into a bored look and Duo laughed

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you need help?”
Heero’s mouth dropped a little at the sight of the young woman before him. *How did she…Why would she…What if she…* His mind couldn’t seem to finish a sentence.

“Hello…Foxy.” Duo stated reading her nametag. “We are in need of some long sleeved shirts and some pants for my friend here.” Duo told her.

“He’s cute.” She stated and led them further into the dark store proclaiming its name to be Hot Topic[7]. Duo growled in the back of his throat. If she heard it over the pounding music she didn’t react. Heero heard it though. He broke his eyes away from the girl to see Duo glaring at the back of her head. “So are you.” she turned back to him as she stopped in front of a wall covered with examples of the clothing they sold. “Here’s the long-sleeved shirts, pants are over there. Dressing room’s back there, if you need anything just holler.” She told them and sauntered away.

“Duo…” Heero said turning to his friend. “She’d never make it through spaceport security. There’s far too much metal in her face” He stated seriously. Duo watched the pierced and tattooed sales girl walk away. Duo giggled as an image of Heero trying to smuggle the girl through security checkpoints flashed in his mind.

“Let’s get down to business shall we.” He said excitedly and began grabbing clothes off the selves. They went in and out of the dressing room three times until finally Duo was satisfied with all they had.

“Duo I don’t really need all these clothes and I’m not sure if these pants are practical.” Heero argued as he start changing back into the clothes Duo had loaned him.

“Trust me, they’re utilitarian. Look at all the fucking pockets they have. They’re wide enough that you could hide a goddamn shotgun in them. Plus lots of people wear them so you’ll blend in. The straps can be used as a weapon if need be, they’re dark so they won’t show wear as much. They’re mother-fucking perfect!” he exclaimed happily as he gesticulated wildly. “Leave your new clothes on they fit better, we’ll put mine in the bag.” Duo ripped the tags off and handed the new clothing to Heero. Duo was surprised. Heero had yet to attack anyone at the mall. *I almost wish he had. At least that would be normal for him.* Duo thought sadly to himself. Instead Heero had broken down into hysterical tears three different times drawing the stares of passerby’s. He looked at Heero as he finished dressing. He wore a pair of black bondage pants with green stitching and heavy silver colored metal chains criss-crossing the back. But not so much metal that Heero wouldn’t be able to walk silently when he needed to in he removed the chains. They had no less than seven pockets. The wide legs covered his feet completely. His hair was tousled and messier than usual from pulling shirts on and off. And the crowning glory of it all was a long sleeved black shirt emblazed with the words ‘Omae o Korosu’ across the front in white and a picture of a smoking gun. Duo still wasn’t sure how the shirt got here, no one had seen it before and it was the only one, but man was he thankful. Heero’s eyes had fastened onto the shirt and stayed there for a long time. Duo waited to see if he’d pick it up, he didn’t. Duo had to go over and pull it off the rack thrusting it at him with a growl.
“If you want the damn thing just fucking pick it up.” He intoned smiling.

“Aaawww Heero, you look so cute!!!” Cooed Duo. Heero sent him a glare. “I can’t believe it. You’re all grown up and wearing big boy clothes now!” Heero clenched a fist and swung half-heartedly at his friend. Duo easily dodged it as he laughed out loud. “Lets go we have a couple more stops to make before we go.”

“What about school?” Heero asked him as he pulled on the too big shoes.

“School will wait for a day you need supplies.” Duo stated as they paid for the purchases and went to a shoe store just across the aisle of the mall.

“You’ll like these.” Duo stated and pushed Heero onto a small bench. Duo set their black and red clothes bag onto the floor. “The traction is pretty good, they’ll wear okay, fairly sturdy, a halfway descent color for once.” Duo commented.

“Hn.” Heero remarked as he thrust his feet into the shoes and pulled laces tight. “They’ll do.” He said.
*Which really means, yes Duo these are nice, thank you for showing them to me, what would I do without you.* Duo translated in his mind. “You’re welcome.” He said out loud smiling widely.

“One last stop.” Duo said as they left the shoe store. They went to a store called Target.[7] They got a toothbrush and other toiletries, socks, boxers, a couple green tank tops. Duo gave a sigh of long-suffering as Heero put them into the cart he was pushing with a stony look. It said ‘challenge me please; all of my clothes are black now because of you. Tell me I can’t have my green tanks and see what I do to you!’ *Something’s will never change.* He thought to himself smiling at the back of Heero’s head. Notebooks, pencils, and a book bag completed the trip.

“And now…lunch!” Duo exclaimed happily as they went to the food court. Heero followed close behind Duo, always within arms’ reach. He stared at the ground not making eye contact with anyone, although he glanced up once in awhile to look around. He shuffled his feet a little. All in all he gave off this timid, frightened aura that was more or less begging for someone to pick on him. Duo however stared down anyone who’d dare to look twice at Heero. He stayed close to him as well, placing a guiding hand on Heero’s arm ever so often. They made it to the food court without incident and found a place to sit. Heero sank into the chair tiredly.
“Stay here while I go and get us something to eat.” Duo instructed and turned to leave.

“What!” Heero questioned in alarm.

“I’ll go and get the food, you stay here.” He repeated.

“Why don’t I just come with you?” Heero suggested standing.

“Because…” Duo told him pushing him back into the seat. “You can’t be with me all the time and we’ll start out in small spurts of you being by yourself.”

“Am I really that transparent?” he asked dejectedly.

“No you’re not, but I know you and I know how you feel.” Duo stated and walked away. He’d chosen a table near the Japanese fast food vender because he knew Heero would want to eat that and so that his friend could still see him while he bought the food. He carried back a tray of food that he knew Heero liked and set it in the middle of the table. Heero’s hands were clenched on the tabletop and his face was partially hidden by his bangs.
“Okay here we go! I’m starving.” He said and passed a plate to Heero. He didn’t respond. “Heero aren’t you hungry?” he asked. A single drop of glimmering liquid drifted to the table. Duo pulled his chair next to Heero’s without another word. He wrapped his arm around his friend and pulled him against his shoulder. Truth be told he was a little worried, he wondered if Heero could pull this mission off or if he was a threat to it. Heero leaned over without resistance and fell into the other’s warmth. Duo pressed a napkin into Heero’s hand and held him for a moment while he collected himself.

“I am sooo tired of these faggot Emo kids coming and ruining our mall.” A loud male voice stated. Duo looked up to see four jocks passing by glaring at the two of them. Duo turned away ignoring them. The only thing that mattered was Heero. “Fags don’t ignore us, why don’t you leave. You’re at our table.” One of them commanded and folded his arms across his chest as he approached. Heero shivered in Duo’s arms, as he looked up wide-eyed at the four taller boys. He stood to his feet and reached for their bags.
“We were just leaving, sorry to have bothered you.” he said evenly. His face was now blank, emotionless, a Perfect Soldier.

“I’ll carry the food.” Duo stated and stood as well. “Sorry guys.” He said. They turned to walk away. One of them pushed Heero roughly to the floor.
*IwillnotkillthemIwillnotkillthemIwillnotkillthem.* Duo chanted over and over again. *MustnotendangerthemissionMustnotendangerthemission* Duo felt himself dropping tray and moving to fight as the one that had pushed Heero to the floor pulled back a leg to kick him. Heero rolled to the side and rose to a crouch like lightening striking. Duo froze, the jerks froze, the people around them froze. The only one who moved was Heero. And his shoulders were shaking with laughter. It was hollow and empty and it hurt Duo’s soul to hear. It was the only laugh that Heero ever had and he only used it in battle. And normally only when lots of people were going to die or get blown up. Heero’s eyes were fixated on the one who’d pushed him down. A maniacal, feral grin locked onto his lips and his blue eyes were so dark and predatory they should have belonged to a wild animal. “Aw fucking-horse-shit!” Duo just had time to exclaim before…
Heero lunged at the taller boy faster that thought, his brash laughter still ringing in Duo’s ears. Duo intercepted the blow blocking it with one of his own. “You’d better leave now.” Duo advised as he blocked a kick also aimed for the boy behind him.
“I won’t kill them or maim them or paralyze them! I just want to hurt them!” Heero sang happily as he tried to dodge around Duo. Battle was the only time Heero ever sounded happy. It was a creepy kind of happy, kind of like a spider was happy to kill a butterfly. He feinted left and then dodge right, but Duo was just as fast and light as he was, if not as strong. In fact the only reason Heero hadn’t torn the jerks apart yet was because he was wounded.
“I won’t let you endanger the mission.” Duo hissed softly so that no one else would hear. Sanity returned to Heero’s eyes like a ton of bricks falling from the sky. He stood straight and let his arms fall to his sides.
“I’m sorry.” He apologized softly and retrieved their bags. They left the jocks standing speechless surrounded by a mess of spilled food.

Heero’s cheeks burned in shame. *How could I have done that? The last thing we need is to have an altercation with the law. I jeopardized the mission.*
“Duo I’m sorry.” he said softly as they left the mall. “There is no excuse…”

“Its alright. Nothing happened we’re fine, I just couldn’t think of any other way to snap you out of it. You went all Shinigami and that’s normally my thing not yours. I really thought you were going to kill them. And if I thought we could have gotten away with it, I would have sat down and eaten wanton soup while you did it.” But Heero wouldn’t be broken out of his regret by Duo’s joking. “Heero I really mean it. Everything is fine and really most normal kids get into fights once in awhile, it’ll help our cover in the long run. We’ll start some snooping tonight and get down to the business we’re good at…illegal and illicit activities. Such as blowing things up, stealing things, breaking things, burning things, and lots of other stuff involving things.” He said remaining somber and stern. Heero looked at him sideways. From what he could tell Duo was being totally serious. His face was set, his eyes held the same look when he was planting explosives in large quantities. And for some reason it was funny to Heero. Duo trying so hard to be serious and talking about the two of them repeatedly breaking the law and blowing things up, which they were most definitely capable of, but still for some reason the conversation made Heero want to laugh. So he did, a real laugh. It started soft and low, then rumbled out from him in waves. Duo stopped in the middle of the walkway and stared. His violet eyes bugged out of his head, his jaw dropped and he was totally silent. Then Duo grinned and started laughing as well. The two of them ignored the people moving around them and shared a moment between just the two of them.
“Lets get an ice cream.” Duo suggested as their laughter died down. Heero looked at Duo evenly, his Soldier mask perfect, save for the traces of laughter in his Prussian eyes. As Duo looked he could see fine web-work cracks stealing over Heero’s face and he was afraid. Heero looked like he was breaking apart. The Soldier mask slipped and beneath it Duo could see…Heero. The mask fell away completely and Heero smiled. It was wide and clean and filled his eyes with joy and light. Duo felt as if all the darks parts of him were dying, falling away. He felt…fresh as though he were reborn, reincarnated with the brightness of the look in Heero’s eyes. He was purified, sanctified, blessed, cleansed by that smile. Baptized by the joy he had found.
“Sure.” Was all Heero said in response and started walking again. Duo kept his eyes fixed to Heero’s face as they walked, Heero leading the way. The grin had died down to a small smile, but it was still there. Duo stumbled along after his friend thinking that he had to be the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. Heero shoved his hands into his pockets and walked with an easy gait, his steps not showing any sign of pain from his injuries. He shook his head to one side to clear his ragged bangs from his eyes. He gestured forward with his chin and Duo looked up at a sign proclaiming that ice cream was indeed sold here.
“What flavor do you want?” Duo asked as they stood in line. Heero shrugged. “You don’t care?”

“Not really, you pick something.” Heero said. His voice was even and cold, but his face and eyes still smiled. Duo could tell he was still trying to get the hang of this happiness thing.
They got their treats and continued walking through the mall. Heero stared at his waffle cone for a good minute before Duo lost the patience he was trying to maintain a death grip on.

“Heero for the love of god in hell just eat the damn thing!” Duo scolded.

“Duo…its green.” Heero stated suspiciously. He leaned forward to sniff at the food uncertainly.

“Trust me you’ll like it. It’s mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone. Two scoops by the way. Or we can go back and get you a different flavor that you do like. What do you like?” Duo asked.

“I’ve never had ice cream before.” Heero told him still glaring at the offensively bright green colored food with little black flecks in it. Duo stopped suddenly.

“Heero if you don’t eat that ice cream cone right now I will personally shove it forcefully down your throat.” Duo told him evenly. *Never had an ice cream cone!!* Duo thought to himself in horror.

Heero leaned forward and took a small bite of the rapidly melting delicacy. Duo watched as he rolled it around on his tongue. Heero eyes grew wide as he swallowed. He looked over to Duo and Duo could see something clicking behind those eyes. *Oh yeah, he’s hooked* Duo thought happily to himself. Heero took another bite and then another of the frozen food. *I wonder if I should tell him about brain-freezes? Nah, he’ll figure it out.* Duo smirked to himself silently. Heero had downed almost half of the ice cream in less than 45 seconds while Duo looked on in disbelief.
“Heero how you doin’ with that? Feelin’ okay?” Duo asked skeptically.

“Mm Hmm.” Heero responded enthusiastically as he continued to suck and lick on the cone.

“No headaches or anything?” he asked. Heero stopped eating and looked over at Duo.

“Why would I have a headache?” Heero asked guardedly.

“It’s called a brain-freeze. When you eat something really, really cold way too fast it freezes your brain temporarily.” Duo told him. Heero looked thoughtful for a moment. Duo swore he could hear the sounds of tiny motors running as Heero did an internal diagnostics systems check.

“No I’m fine.” He stated and went back to eating with gusto.

“Yuy man, you are not human.” Duo muttered to himself as Heero walked a little faster. Heero’s ass shifted in the bagging pants Duo had picked out. They hung below his waist, sitting low on his hips. They swished back and forth with each step he took, making the rocking side-to-side movements of his pelvis more exaggerated. *Oh Maxwell, what have you done to yourself.* He pondered and held back a groan.

“What do I do with this?” Heero asked after a moment more.

“That’s the waffle cone, you can eat it if you want.” Duo told him. Heero took a small bite, swallowed it, made a face and dropped it into the nearest trashcan. Duo took a few more bites of his double chocolate chunk and was going to throw it out as well.

“I don’t like that cone, but I’ll eat the rest of yours.” He offered. Duo passed him the cone and he’d polished it off in no time. “I like the mint better.” He said after he was done.

“I figured you would.” Duo told him. *Yep, he’s hooked.* Duo thought happily again. Heero thrust his hands back into his pockets. He turned his head and smiled at Duo, it was a small smile, but it was for Duo and he knew it. He felt his heart break into a thousand, singing pieces. Each shard chirping Heero’s name and reflecting his smile. *Dear god let me never be whole again.* he prayed sincerely. He smiled back widely and took Heero by the hand. Heero hesitated a moment, uncertainty in his eyes, before he tightened his hand around Duo’s as they made their way through the crowds. Duo laughed out loud.

“Nani? What?” Heero asked the American.

“Be still. You’ve got ice cream on your face.” Duo pulled his friend to a stop and wiped the stickiness from the corner of his blush colored lips with the pad of his thump and sucked it off his digit with a smirk. “Mmmm sweet.” Duo commented laughingly. Heero started to smile again but it was cut short when a passer-by brushed against his arm casually. Heero jerked away from the contact, tugging his hand away from Duo’s and taking a defensive position. The woman walked on unheeding. Suddenly Heero looked around him as if realizing just how many people shared the space with him. Duo could see fear rapidly turning to panic in his startled eyes. His nostrils flared as his breathing increased, his fists were clenched.
“Heero, lets get out of here okay.” Duo suggested casually. Duo put himself into Heero’s line of sight when he didn’t respond. “Lets go.” He repeated. Heero managed to nod slightly. Duo wrapped his arm tightly around Heero’s waist and steered him through the crowds. Heero pressed his face against Duo’s should, panting slightly and not looking anywhere. They made it out of the mall and caught a cab back to their campus.
Most of the students live close by so the campus was open, meaning that students could leave when the wanted. Students living in the dorms had to obtain a permission slip from the principal and couldn’t go more than a fifteen-mile radius from the campus. Therefore Duo wasn’t surprised to find the dean waiting for him when he returned.

“Maxwell, my office, now.” She said evenly. She threw a puzzled glance at Heero who shuffled along behind him staring at the ground. Heero grabbed Duo’s arm and hissed in his ear, “Who is that?”

“That’s the dean.” Duo stated.

“Name?” He asked.

“Marcy Meager.” Duo informed him.

“Threat level?” He continued.

“Negligible. Checks out fine.” Duo told him. *He really hasn’t done anything for this mission* He thought surprised. *When would he have had time to.* Duo scolded himself.

“Why does she want to see you?” He asked.

“Well we’re really not supposed to leave the campus. She said she’d write me up if I did it again.” Duo told him sheepishly. Satisfied Heero walked along in silence. He didn’t care if Duo got written up or not. In less than a month they would be gone. Heero thrust his hands into his pockets. “If I get written up again I could be suspended.” Duo informed him.

“Nani? What do you mean again?” Heero exclaimed loudly. The dean looked back over her shoulder at the two boys. “You’ve only been here a week!” Heero scolded dropping his voice back to a hiss. Duo was supposed to be here for a week and then three days later Heero would show up and he’d already been written up!!

“I was looking into a suspect.” He whispered explaining. “Our Chem teacher has a house here. I have a plan.” He told his friend.

“Nani? What is it?” He hissed angrily.

“Exactly, I’m still working on it.” Duo stated. “Just do me a favor and don’t be so strong, show some pain for me.”

“Fine.” Heero agreed. It sounded insane, but Duo’s plans actually worked out most of the time and Heero trusted him. Although he didn’t know about this ‘showing pain’ business.

The dean sat behind her desk. “First of all who are you and what are you doing at my school.” She asked folding her hands in front of her. Heero’s head snapped up and he looked at her.

“Heero Yuy. I’m a new student here.” He told her evenly.

“Then I feel I should warn you that Duo Maxwell is not the best person for you to be spending time with.” She told Heero smiling a little. It was a good-natured smile, showing she meant no real ill will towards Duo. Then she frowned. “However, I did say that I’d have to write you up this time. So I am sorry.”

“Ms. Meager, I can explain and I have a really good reason.” Duo interrupted her. She cocked one eyebrow and looked skeptically at him. “The only day that a teacher can take a student to the mall is Saturday, it says no exceptions what–so-ever, I read the manual. That’s five days away. I couldn’t let my friend walk around naked.” Duo said gesturing to Heero. Heero cocked an eyebrow at him as well. “So I had to buy him clothes. He only had one pair and they didn’t fit because they weren’t his. I only own three outfits and a pair of PJ’s, that’s not enough for two people to wear for five days.” Duo explained.

“Yuy, what happened to your clothes and how did you get clothes that weren’t yours?” she asked. All the blood seemed to drain from Heero’s face and he blinked rapidly. Duo put a hand on his arm to steady him. Heero looked at Duo, ‘please don’t make me say anything, you tell her’ it begged.

“Heero and I know each other from before we came here. I’m here mostly because of my behaviorally problems. I’m Heero’s only friend. At the last place he was, he had a bit of a problem with bullies. Now he’s here.” Duo explained.

“That still doesn’t tell me where his clothes went or why he had someone else’s.” she said patiently. Duo threw a glance at Heero. Heero nodded now that he was more composed he could tell her.

“After Duo left I was kidnapped and beat up and…I took the clothes of one of my attackers to get away. I couldn’t go back to where I was staying because they’d kidnapped me from there, I came straight here.” Heero told her.

“Why didn’t you go to the police?” she asked. Heero threw a pleading glance to Duo. Duo shrugged. Heero scowled at him.

“I was in the middle of nowhere and I just wanted to leave. I didn’t think I’d be…safe. They were chasing me.” Heero told her evenly, but he couldn’t hold back a shudder. “I just arrived last night.”

“You seem to be doing well now. You must heal very fast or weren’t hurt too bad.” She commented. Heero brushed his bangs back from his face to show the purple and black blemishes marring the right side of his face at his hairline. She stood to her feet and leaned forward to grip Heero’s face and turn it more towards the light on her desk. Heero slapped her hand away and back peddled. He sank into a half crouch that he could either fight or flee from. Ms. Meager shifted backwards and Duo could see Heero tensing for a spring that would probably end with the woman’s death.

“Meager! Don’t move.” Duo instructed harshly. “Heero calm down.” Duo said evenly. He stood tensely at his friend’s back, ready to intercept if he had to.

“She…” Heero began evenly.

“Wasn’t going to hurt you.” Duo interrupted.

“How do you know?” Heero shot back his voice still emotionless, his eyes never leaving that which he perceived as a threat.

Marcy Meager didn’t move. She’d seen a lot of things in her years as an educator, first a teacher and then a dean. But never had she felt danger radiate off of someone the way it flowed off of the student before her just then. No one she’d known had ever stared at her so intensely. She felt without a doubt that if she moved the young man would kill her before she could scream and he would never be found again.

“Because the gesture wasn’t threatening.” Duo explained.

“Not threatening?” Heero said evenly, but Duo could hear the question in it, even if no one else would have.

“Not threatening.” Duo answered him. Heero didn’t respond in anyway, he just continued to stare at the dean. +Do you want to kill her?+ Duo asked. Heero didn’t respond, neither did Meager. +It will complicate things greatly.+ No response from Heero. Duo heaved a sigh. +I said I would protect you, I said I would keep you safe and if I thought she was a threat to you she would already be dead. I’ll keep you safe.+ Duo said softly. “Ms. Meager is one of those people who often tries to help when its not really needed, she often can’t see that it would be better if she didn’t poke at the wound. Kind of like Catty-cat. You know how he is.” Duo said laughingly.

“Yeah.” Heero said as the tenseness left his body and he stood easy. Duo could see tiredness weighing down each movement Heero made, though to most he would look fine.

“Come on, you need a nap.” Duo said smiling.

“I do not need a nap.” Heero growled.

“Well I do, so you can watch me sleep.” Duo said. Dean Meager sank into her chair shakily.

“Mr. Maxwell we are not finished here.” She said. Her voice held only a trace of tremor in it. “You left the grounds after I specifically told you not to and Mr. Yuy has shown some very aggressive behavior towards me.” She stated fiddling with the items on her desk, giving away her nervousness.

“You were going to touch me.” Heero stated as if it explained everything.

“Allow me to explain.” Offered Duo.

“I do not need your input on this Maxwell.” She said coldly. Duo raised his arms in a gesture of defeat then folded his arms across his chest. “Mr. Yuy continue.” She instructed.

“There isn’t anything else.” Heero told her. She continued to look at him evenly from behind her desk. Heero sigh, small barely perceptible, but Duo caught it instantly. “I don’t like to be touched.” He stated.

“A simple ‘please don’t touch me’ would have sufficed.” She told him folding her hands on the desktop. Heero laughed, it wasn’t very loud, but the sound of it caused Duo to jump forward in panic. He was too slow this time though. Heero rushed the desk, but thankfully, stopped short of jumping it and killing the dean. He slammed the flat of his palm against the desk with a loud bang causing the woman to start in fear.

“Don’t touch me? Don’t touch me! If that worked I would do it, but since it doesn’t I’ll use what does!” Heero shouted.

“Heero stop. Think of M.” Duo told him. Heero locked his raging emotions away. One moment he was filled with rage and fear, the next…nothing. “I didn’t want to have to do this, but…Ms. Meager maybe you should call for a nurse. They’ll be able to cover your back and vouch for the fact that you weren’t doing anything perverted in here.”

“What are you implying Maxwell?” She asked archly.

“Oh, for the love of Satan’s ball woman! Just call the fucking nurse!” Duo exclaimed huffily as he lost his patience.

“You sent for me Dean.” A soft female voice spoke as its owner entered the office.

“Please lock the door.” Duo asked her. The blond woman looked to the Dean who nodded after throwing Duo a look that clearly said she was humoring him. +Heero take off your clothes.+ Duo instructed. Heero’s head snapped up in surprise, he glanced at the two women in the room and then back at Duo before starting to walk away. “Heero.” Duo said simply as he reached for his friend. Taking him by the arm Duo led him to one corner of the large office. +I am right here and if you think I can’t take a couple old bats then put me out to pasture. You can stand there all day and say you don’t like to be touched, but its like saying space is huge. You can’t really get it until you see it. I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, so long as I’m around. And I’m right here.+ Duo assured the shorter boy, wrapping his hand around the back of his neck and brushing his fingers across his spine gently. “Its okay.” Heero nodded slightly. Duo led his back toward the desk, still gripping his hand tightly. Heero stared at the ground, biting his lower lip. Each step toward the desk dragged more, became more and more hesitant. Heero shuddered and clutched Duo’s hand in a white-knuckled grip. Duo angled the two of them and leaned against the corner of the desk. Heero couldn’t look directly at the Dean or the nurse without turning his head. Duo was all that he could see. Heero stared at the carpet a moment, shivering. He kicked off his shoes and pulled his socks off deftly. His hands rose to his pants.

“What…” The Dean began.

“Heero, its okay.” Duo interrupted her. Heero’s head had twitched to the side when she’d started speaking. Duo motioned for her to keep silent. +If you really don’t want to do this you don’t have to.+ Duo told him. Heero lifted his eyes to Duo’s face.

“I’m fine.” He whispered softly, his voice breaking a little. He lowered his eyes back to the floor. He lifted the shirt off slowly, holding in a hiss of pain as he lifted his arms. Heero closed his eyes tightly. He moved on to his pants and dropped them to the floor, stepping out of them. He moved his hands to his boxers, the only piece of clothing he wore, and began to pull them down slowly. Warm, searing fingers closed around the frigid skin of his wrists. “I said that’s enough Heero.” Duo’s voice whispered in his ear as he pulled the boxers back into place.
*When did he say that?* Heero asked himself, unable to find the answer.

“Oh, you poor boy.” Dean Meager breathed softly. Heero’s head whipped around. He folded in on himself tightly as a whimpering sob stuck in his throat. He held his right arm close against his body. Without the wide pants it was easy to see he was favoring his left side. The bruises on his neck were clearly visibly. His panicked breath was labored and hitched painfully in his chest. He stared at the Dean in open, unabashed, wide-eyed terror. He began inching slowly backwards from the desk.

“Heero.” Duo said softly. Heero looked to his friend, everything, his stance, his face, the way his shoulders relaxed when his eyes meant Duo’s, said he thought of the other boy as a safe haven. Heero took a faltering half step towards the braided boy. Duo stood straight and opened his arms wide. Heero practically fell into Duo’s embrace as silent sobs rocked his frame. “Its okay. Its alright.” He reassured the smaller boy cradled in his arms. Other than keeping Heero safe, nothing else mattered.

“Yes, could you come to my office please. (Silence) Yes, I have student for you. (Silence) A very pressing matter that requires your complete attention, a delicate situation. (Silence) Thank you Dr. I’ll see you in a moment.” Dean Meager hung up the phone on her desk.

“What was that?” Duo asked his voice low and cold.

“I’ve called the school counselor. I want you and Heero to have sessions after your last classes. Nothing too long thirty, forty-five minutes. I think that it will help you both in the long run.” She explained.

“Okay.” Duo intoned.

“Nani??” Heero asked surprised.

+If it’ll help you I’ll do it and so will you.”+ Duo instructed.

+Since when do you order me around!+ Heero argued angrily. Duo sighed.

+That’s not what I meant. Heero look at you. Whenever anyone looks at you, you want to cower at my side like a beaten dog.+ Duo told him gently. Heero flinched visibly, while Duo frowned.
*What did I say to make him flinch like that.* he wondered then continued talking.
+You can’t function for M like this. I need you to be…+

+To be the Perfect Soldier.+ Heero said bitterly as he pushed away from Duo.

+No! I just need you to be able to control your emotions a little. I never want to see the Soldier again, I want to see you, but sometimes people are going to have to touch you and you’re going to have to let them. I won’t always be with you. If J finds out about how rampant your emotions are then you know what he’ll do.+ Duo said gently and pulled the shorter boy against his body. Heero clung to Duo’s shirtfront as horror dawned over him in waves. Heero started to sink slowly to his knees as he hyperventilated. Duo scooped him into his arms and carried him to an armchair. He sat with Heero cradled on his lap, legs on either side on of Duo’s waist, his arms wrapped tightly around Duo’s neck. He was shivering violently and making small whimpering noises in the back of his throat.
“Heero. Look at me.” Duo instructed softly. He glanced up fearfully. Duo breathed in and out rhythmically. In, out, in, out. Never breaking eye contact, never blinking. Slowly, unconsciously Heero’s panicked breathing slowed to match his friends. Heero began to relax.
+I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. I want you to be safe. Let’s try this and if it doesn’t work or if it hurts M, then will stop.+

“Okay.” Heero intoned softly just as a knock sounded in the Dean’s office. The nurse went and unlocked the door.

“Tom thank you for coming so quickly.” The Dean said standing.

“No problem Marcy. Hoollly shit!” He exclaimed loudly as he turned and saw Duo and Heero sitting in the armchair. The Dean cringed. “What the hell happened?” She cringed again.

The man was dark-haired, late thirties, tall, strong build, and handsome features. All in all Duo had to say he was a pretty attractive guy, he like the fact that he had cussed. He had an easy nature, seemed open and out going. Duo would almost feel a twinge of regret if he had to kill the man for hurting Heero.

The man wore wire frame glasses. Which could give you an edge when fighting him, if indeed his eyesight was bad. He looked strong, like he worked out and seemed to move with a dangerous grace that said he might have had training in fighting. He was taller and his bigger frame and weight would make him a tough opponent to kill. Heero knew that, in his current condition, he could take him if it was just him, but add another person and he might have a hard time.[8]

+Stay.+ Duo said standing and placing Heero in the chair. Heero’s eyes flashed anger and fear as he started to get up. +Heero, please stay here while I get your clothes.+ Duo pleaded. He turned away and snatched Heero’s clothes off the floor. Heero was curled in the wide chair with his knees pulled up to his chest, arms wrapped around his calves.

“I guess that’s why you’re here, for us to tell you.” Duo said to the man as he helped Heero slip his shirt back on. He helped Heero, who was shaking so badly he almost couldn’t stand, to his feet and aided him in putting his pants back on.

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[3] I don’t know how to set bones, I’m not a Dr. Do Not Try This At Home!

[4] You think I’d kill Heero? He’s much too cute. ; )

[5] This isn’t ADD as in 2+2=4, this ADD as in Attention Deficit Disorder, just to clarify.

[6] When a black hole forms and a neighboring star is pulled into it, it makes THE MOST HORRIFIC SOUND!!! It’s called ‘a screamer’
[7] I do not own Hot Topic or Target or any other money making venture listed in this story.

[8] I did this to try and show a little, the differences in the way Duo thinks, compared to how Heero thinks. I don’t know. I kinda like it though.

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There you have it, chapter 2-part 1. I'm still working on the rest of this chapter, lemon up coming i hope. THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS!!! I love getting them!!! Let me know what you think.