Lost

He grabbed the bottle next to his bed and took a few swallows in the hope that it would stop the pounding in his head. He had learned it was best not to stay sober too long. Things started to hurt too much. Last time he had been sober he broke his hand to stop the screaming in his head. Using the pain to distract him. Hadn’t set it until the alcohol kicked in.

Part of him still felt disgusted with his own behaviour. Forced to drown himself in a bottle of vodka to handle his own emotional state. He had tried to kick the habit but his demons were too strong these days. He had nearly killed himself because of it. He winced slightly at the memory. It hadn’t been pleasant.

He had thought about getting professional help but he didn’t trust anyone. He didn’t trust them not to sell the information to the highest bidder and he didn’t trust them not to card him off to the nearest institution and lock him up for life. He doubted they could do much for him anyway. The things he had seen, had done. He had seen the veteran rehab posters. They didn’t seem to be in a much better state.

He sighed deeply and got out of bed. He winced slightly as broken ribs grated against one another. He had been careless in the last fight. His opponent had been halfway good and he had half hoped he would finish him off. No such luck it seemed. Off course dying would be too easy. He sighed again.

Moving to the shower he easily avoided the small mirror above the sink. He didn’t need to see himself to know he looked like shit. He stepped under the warm spray, letting the feeling of warmth beating down his skin wash over him. He rarely felt warm these days. He didn’t eat much. Barely had any appetite at all. If it hadn’t been a habit to eat he would probably have starved by now. Even now he often forgot to eat more than once a day.

He wondered how the others were doing. They had been together when he had left them to figure out his own demons. He had tried to get in touch with them when it was clear he wasn’t going to manage but hadn’t been able to find them. Not that it mattered much now. He was too tired to care.

He walked out and dried himself off. After eating half a sandwich he crawled back into bed. Not much to do right now anyway. Gulping down some more vodka he laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. Determined to sleep the slow day away.

It was a few hours later when he was woken by a knock on the door. Glaring drowsily at the clock he saw that it was about three in the afternoon. Throwing back the last of his bottle he put on a pair of pants and made his way to the door. His eyes widened in shock when he saw who was on the other side. “Shit Fei. You look like you’ve been dragged across 9 miles of bad road.”

Amethyst eyes gazed up at him with concern. “Maxwell, Yuy.” He stated with a nod of greeting. He stepped aside and let his two former brothers in arms inside. “To what do I owe this pleasure.” They both looked around his bare apartment. The living room contained a threadbare couch and a small coffee table tv and little else. It looked more like a safe house then a home. He never felt like making one even if he had remembered how.

Duo chewed thoughtfully at his lip as he regarded his fellow pilot. “It can wait, we should take of you first. Sit down and I’ll get started. So where do you keep your stuff.” Wufei sighed and sat as directed. Duo was a stubborn one and he didn’t have the energy to argue as he would have. “Bathroom. Through there.” He pointed to one of the doors in the small hallway.

“What happened?” Seemed Yuy hadn’t changed that much. Still straight to the point. He shrugged. “Fight.” Short, to the point. He would let Yuy make of it what he would. He wasn’t going to elaborate. Yuy in turn raised one eyebrow but didn’t press it. The other boy returned, medical supplies in hand. He set Wufei on the couch and set to work. “You know you should really take care of these sort of things straight away. Don’t want them to set wrong.” The false cheerful tone annoyed him. That hadn’t changed either it seemed. He just gave and non-committal grunt in reply.

“Why are you here?” He asked again as the braided boy finished up. “What. We couldn’t have just wanted to see our long lost war buddy.” He just shot him a look in reply. “There’s been a situation. We require your assistance.” This was said in Yuy’s cool tones. “Yup. So we thought we’d drop by and see if you want to join in on the fun.” He shrugged. “Give me an hour.” He turned away to the bedroom, leaving the other two behind to amuse themselves. Closing the bedroom door with a click he felt something in his chest give way, making it easier to breathe somehow. Maybe this was exactly what he needed. Another chance to go down fighting. He smiled a bitter smile. Exactly what he needed.