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Don\'t	By : KuroSakura Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male > Heero/Duo Views: 1079 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 1-Don't
- 2-Chapter 2
- 1
- 2
Title: Don't

By: KuroSakura-chan/KuroSakura (Depends
on where you're reading)

Summary: Survivor's Guilt is considered
a symptom of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. When Heero looks at
Duo, he thinks the definition is wrong.

Category: Gundam Wing

Genre: Angst,

Couples: 1X2, 3X4, 5X6

Warnings: Yaoi, Character Death,

Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing.

Please, please don't kill me for this.

…

-Heero-

Duo was the only thing on his mind.
Duo had watched Quatre get raped and killed. Duo had retreated into
his own mind, only eating and sleeping when Heero pestered him to.
It was so difficult, watching the one he loved die on the inside.

Of course, Duo wasn't the only one
dying. Trowa had come close to biting the bullet-literally-when he'd
seen what those bastards had done to Quatre. Wufei had managed to
stop him, but it was only a matter of time before Trowa managed to
off himself. Wufei and Zechs wouldn't always be able to watch him.
Besides, Trowa had been a mercenary and part of a circus. If he
wanted to escape and kill himself, then he would.

And though it saddened him to think
about his friend killing himself, Heero had other things to focus on.
Namely, how to keep Duo from doing the same. There were so many
things in Duo's past that the long-haired pilot kept hidden, just
piling heavier and heavier on his conscious. Heero couldn't help him
with those things, despite his best efforts. It didn't help that Duo
would just grin and laugh it off whenever Heero became quiet, trying
to think up the best reply that would help Duo. So much pain hidden
behind a mischievous smile and flirtatious amethyst eyes.

Heero knew about Solo. He knew that
Duo blamed himself for not being able to get the cure to Solo in
time, and that the cure probably wasn't real anyway. He knew that he
despised himself for watching his friends die of a disease that
didn't affect him. Then the church. Maxwell Church. Where Duo took
his last name from. The grief and hatred there was invisible to
most, but Heero had been with Duo for years. He could see the pain
in Duo's eyes whenever the church came up in conversation, and he
knew that what he saw could only be the surface of what Duo actually
felt. Duo's heart was deep, and the pain was probably deeper, etched
as a scar on Duo's soul. The church was Duo's first home; the only
home he'd known until after the war, unless one counted DeathScythe.

Heero paced the hallway of the
hospital, waiting for Duo's daily physical examination to get over.
He was sure that Duo was fine, but the doctors wanted to be sure,
since Quatre had been raped. They thought there was the possibility
that Duo was as well, though if they hadn't found proof of it yet,
there was a likelihood they wouldn't find any. Duo might not be as
broken emotionally if he'd been raped as well.

The psychiatrist called it “Survivor's
Guilt”. It affected people who watched those close to them
die, unable to help. Often, the survivor believed that they were the
one who was meant to be hurt, not the one they watched die. It
affected stronger people, the protective sorts, more often than the
weaker people. After all, a protective person is used to being able
to protect those important to them. To witness their death and not
be able to stop it...Well, that was enough to send them over the
edge. It also tended to affect children, mostly when they saw the
immediate members of their family die. And if the family member or
members died protecting the child, it solidified the thought that the
death was the child's fault, caused by something they had done wrong.

Of course, all the psychiatrist had to
go on was what Heero could tell her. Duo wouldn't speak to anyone
except Heero, and that was only when Duo was on the edge of sleep,
mostly unaware of his surroundings. And thus, everything that the
psychiatrist told Heero was “mostly speculation as to what was
wrong”. He couldn't blame her for specifying that it was only
speculation. A lot of people get sued over things that they've said,
not realizing that if they're wrong and dealing with the wrong
person, that that person was likely to take them to court.

One other thing that the psychiatrist
had said was that Survivor's Guilt is considered a symptom of
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. She thought that Duo's involvement
in the war had something to do with his problems. Heero thought she
was wrong. This had started far before the war, back when Duo was a
child.

“Mr. Yuy? You can go in now...”
One of the nurses approached Heero carefully. He'd attacked one of
the doctors that thought he was unable to handle hearing about Duo's
condition. Since then, everyone had been very careful about the way
they approached him. “Also, Mr. Merquise was wondering if he
could visit Mr. Maxwell...?”

Heero nodded brusquely before pushing
past the nurse to get to Duo's room. He wouldn't keep Zechs from
seeing Duo, since Zechs and Wufei were the only reasons Heero hadn't
been thrown out of the hospital and arrested for assaulting a doctor.
Of course, the hospital staff must have known this, for Zechs was
standing inside the door, waiting for Heero before approaching Duo.
That was a good choice, on Zechs' part. For one, no one could ever
tell how Duo would react in a situation, especially after he's been
scared into shock or something similar. Only Heero had a chance of
keeping Duo from overreacting and shooting something, even if Heero
was the one that made him promise to shoot anyone unfamiliar. For
two, Heero had been overreacting recently, and if he thought that
Zechs had been threatening Duo, then he wouldn't have hesitated in
eliminating the perceived threat.

There were no words shared between the
two former pilots as they walked over to Duo. He'd been given his
own room on the basis that there were many people still terrified of
a former Gundam pilot and Duo was the most known of the pilots as
well as the nature of the crime that had been committed. Strangers
had hurt Duo, and thus, the psychiatrist thought that strangers would
be viewed as threats and eliminated as such. Heero was quite proud
of the psychiatrist's observations. Most people would completely
ignore how Duo was hurt and how that might contribute to any problem
he caused.

Duo was laying on his left side, his
eyes open but unseeing. The emptiness in those violet depths
terrified Heero, especially since he didn't know how to get rid of
that look. Zechs looked pained to see the usually energetic brunette
lying there, unresponsive. It was likely that Duo hadn't even
responded to the doctors looking him over.

Zechs watched Duo for a bit longer
before turning to Heero. Heero had a hard time tearing his eyes away
from Duo to look at Zechs. Seeing Zechs' normally icy blue eyes
filled with such pain, Heero winced. “I heard that he was
going home tonight.” Zechs said softly.

Heero nodded. “They're finally
giving up on finding proof that Duo was brutalized like Quatre
was...” Heero was proud that his voice didn't crack while his
mind pictured what Duo would look like, if he had been brutalized.
“How is Trowa?”

“Wufei gave him a spiked tea.
He's sleeping at the moment.” Zechs glanced over at Duo again.
“We both know we won't be able to keep Trowa from...From doing
what he's going to do, but what about Duo...?”

Anger welled inside of Heero. That
was as close as Zechs and Wufei would come to saying that he wouldn't
be able to handle Duo alone. It was also not what they meant at all.
They were trying to ask, in a way that wouldn't hurt anyone's pride,
if they could help.

Heero shook his head. “He
won't. I'll make sure of it.”

…

Heero could've killed Une when she
called him in. She 'understood the situation' and 'his need to be
there for Duo', but still made him go to the Preventer's HQ to pick
up some work so he wasn't completely useless.

He'd only agreed because Duo hadn't
responded at all when they'd gone home. A little bit of time alone
wasn't long enough for Duo to rouse himself from the self-induced
stupor and do anything he'd regret. At least, that's what Heero had
hoped.

So when he returned home to an empty
house, he knew he had made a mistake that would likely cost him
everything that mattered to him.

A/N: Give me reviews and I give you the
final chapter! Perhaps, if you're quick enough, before I leave for
home where I live without the internet, which is in two days.

Chapter 3

-Duo/Heero-
- 1
- 2
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