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Violence plus Sex equals Love (remake)	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2801 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I make no profit from this story and do not own Gundam Wing. All similarities between fictional characters and real people is coincidental.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
- 3
Violence + Sex = Love

Prologue

Part 2

　

　

　

　

His neck burned like when Daddy had thrown him into the mirror that one time. The room was darker than before, but Duo could tell he was still in the front room, right before where the counter separated the room from the kitchen. His daddy wasn't here anymore. There was a bad, nasty smell and it made him feel sick. He could see his mommy on the floor where she had fallen, he could see her familiar outline from the light coming from his parents' room. She hadn't moved at all. Then, Duo remembered why his neck hurt. Where was his daddy? Was he still mad at him? Was he going to hurt him like he had hurt Mommy? Was Mommy ok? His heart pounded as he looked around the dim room, wondering, if he tried to help his mommy, where his dad would come from. The bedroom? But maybe that was a trap. Sometimes his dad did that, hurt one of them and when the other tried to help, he would hurt them, too. He said that they had to take their punishment, if they did that, it would be fine, but someone helping them was a big no no. He didn't care so much about that as his mommy hurting. He tried to get up, though he felt kind of tired, not like he had been staying up all night tired, but like he didn't have the strength to move. He felt a hand touch his back and almost screamed, thinking it was his daddy, going to hurt his neck again.

�Ssh,� a familiar voice said.

Duo struggled to see who it was through the dim lighting, but a familiar face came to him. It was Solo! Solo never came inside his house. He always waited outside. Duo was excited and relieved to see his only friend. Solo always knew what to do, and he had never done bad things to him like Duo's daddy did. He wrapped his arms around the older boy's neck, hugging him as tightly as he could. Solo would help his mom. He almost yelled out Solo's name, but remembered his warning and his own fear of his father, and kept quiet. He didn't like being scared of his own daddy, but he kept remembering the way his mommy had looked at him, how the knife had sunk into her pale skin, that smell... how his daddy looked like he didn't care that his mommy was bleeding everywhere. He felt Solo hug him back with one arm. Duo looked down and saw that Solo was holding his baseball bat with his other hand. He didn't mind. He couldn't play baseball until he was older anyway. He couldn't even pick the bat up, but his mommy had bought it for him for his birthday because it had been on sale.

�It's ok, Teddy,� Solo said and Duo felt comforted by the sound of his voice, �I'm going to get you out of here, alright?�

Duo felt himself nodding. It was what his mommy would have said right now, if she had been awake. Solo took off his jacket, glancing at the bedroom door every now and then, and put the jacket around Duo. Duo suddenly realized that he had been shivering, though he couldn't feel the cold. He tugged on Solo's shirt.

�We have to help Mommy. She won't get up,� he pointed to her.

Solo looked pained and Duo wondered if maybe his daddy had hit him, too.

�Duo...� the older boy said hesitantly, �Your mom... she's... she's dead, Teddy,� he said mournfully.

Duo shook his head. His mommy had told him what dead was once, when their neighbor's cat had gotten run over by his daddy's car. She had said that dead was when you went to Heaven. You had to leave your family and the people you loved, but you got to see God and all the other people who died. It was really peaceful, but you could never wake up again.

�Dead is...� Solo struggled to explain, �Dead is when someone doesn't get up no more. They can't talk to you or see you. Their body might be here, where we can see it, but the parts that matter are gone. Your mom isn't going to wake up. She's gone.�

Duo continued to shake his head.

�No...� he protested weakly, unwilling to believe what Solo was saying.

His mommy wasn't dead. She was going to wake up. She was just sleeping because Daddy had hurt her. Solo was wrong. Mommy was going to be fine...

�Your friend is right.�

Duo and Solo looked at the bedroom in fear. Duo's dad was standing in the doorway, wearing the same, blood-drenched clothes. The knife was gone, but he was holding a gun in his hand. It didn't look like the ones on TV, Duo thought, the silver ones with the black handles with that round bit. It was bigger and black, mean looking. His father regarded Solo with anger and almost disgust.

�I killed her for trying to take my boy away from me,� he said coldly, �I suggest you think real hard on that and leave as fast as you can scamper, rat. If not...�

He lifted up the gun and pointed it, not at Solo, but at Duo. Solo's eyes widened, realizing that the man was threatening to kill his own son, rather than have someone take him away from him. Solo's hand tightened on the baseball bat. Leave, leave, leave, Duo thought in a desperate prayer. He didn't want his daddy to hurt Solo like he had hurt Mommy... he didn't want his dad to kill him. Solo suddenly shoved him hard, away from him. A shot rang out, but missed Solo by less than an inch, hitting the floor, which splintered at the impact. Duo watched in shock as Solo swung the bat as hard as he could, the hard wood striking his father's knee. With a howl of pain, the man fell down. Solo raised the bat again, rage in his eyes. Duo saw his father raise his gun again.

�Solo!� he screamed in warning, even though there was no way that Solo could move fast enough to avoid the shot.

Solo stumbled backwards, the bat almost dropping from his hands as the bullet pierced his shoulder. Blood and flesh exploded from the wound, flying everywhere, like a mini explosion had gone off in his shoulder. The arm on his wounded side fell down, weak and useless, but his other hand kept a strong grip on the bat, not willing to stop his assault. He struck Duo's father again, this time in the face. The man's head slammed against the wall and he slumped, the blow making blackness appear in his vision on that side. Something in Duo screamed out to help his father, but the sight of Solo's wounded shoulder kept him paralyzed. Solo regarded the man before him, his eyes darting back towards Duo and his dead mother. There was a calculating look in his eyes. If he kept hitting Duo's father with the bat, he could kill him, bash his head in. He took in Duo's wide, violet eyes, and the blood on his neck. He dropped the bat and ran, scooping Duo up.

�Hold on,� he managed to grit out, �I'll get you someplace safe, someplace where he won't find you.�

One part of Duo felt relief. His daddy wouldn't be able to hurt him anymore. Another part felt panic. His daddy wouldn't be able to find him. He would be disobeying him... He clutched at Solo's shirt, letting it all fade away. He didn't want to think anymore, he wanted to sleep. Another shot rang out, this one as loud as a clap of thunder and Solo faltered. Duo worried that Solo might be really, really hurt, but his friend kept walking and there were no more sounds of gunfire. He couldn't be hurt that badly, he reasoned, but Solo was walking stiffly and slowly and as Duo looked over his shoulder, he saw a thick trail of blood, the sound of his friend's heavy breathing in his ear. Outside, the icy rain beat down on them, but Solo didn't shiver or stop. He kept walking, muttering to Duo over and over again that he would be safe. Solo would protect him.
　

　

This wasn't his room, Duo thought as he opened his eyes to a water marked ceiling. It was similar to his mommy's room, smelling of cheap perfume or make-up, a feminine smell that he didn't really know what it was, exactly. There was a hairbrush on a simple dresser that had gold hair on it. Besides that, the room was very bare, not having a television or paintings in it. The bed was bigger than his own, but just as lumpy. He clutched the little starfish the nice lady had given him and sat up. His neck stung him and he winced. He hunched in on himself, pulling his legs to his chest and wrapping his arms around his knees. It was quiet here. Usually, no matter how late at night it was, he could hear one of his neighbor's dogs barking loudly and the sound of people arguing. Sometimes it was the house next to theirs or people in the street. A lot of the times it was his parents. He couldn't hear much of anything now. He didn't like it. Lately, his mommy would sleep in his bed with him, holding him close. This bed felt cold and uncomfortable in comparison. Though the room smelled kind of like his mom's, it wasn't the same. He looked around, hoping to see someone, but thee was no one. It was lonely. He hoped that, if he listened really well, he would hear his father moving in their kitchen or maybe his loud snoring, but he knew that he wouldn't. Solo hit him really hard and he was far away.

Did his daddy miss him? Was he sad right now, waking up without Mommy and him? He had just... left him there. That was bad. If Daddy was sad, then it was all his fault. It was his fault that Mommy was dead, too. He should have told her no, that going away was a bad idea. What if Daddy was really hurt? What if he needed help? What if he was like Mommy? Even if his daddy had hurt him, he was still his daddy. And now... he was the only family that Duo had. He should go back, see if he was ok. Even if they couldn't live together anymore, he wanted to see him. Because... because Daddy didn't hit all the time. He hated him for killing Mommy, but he didn't hate him for hitting. He wanted his mommy... tears welled in his eyes and he sniffed. He wanted her back, but Solo and Daddy said she wouldn't be coming back ever. Daddy was the only one who still loved him. He had killed Solo and Mommy because he loved him and didn't want to be alone... It was evil, that he had hurt them, but what if Daddy hurt himself, too? He knew... he couldn't live with him anymore. It hurt and after what he had done to Mommy... but his need to see him, to see if he was ok, was powerful.

Duo kicked the covers off him. He could just run over there and be back. No one would know. He would see his daddy and tell him that he still loved him. His daddy needed to know that. Even if he had hurt him and Mommy and Solo, he still loved him and he wished that he wasn't so angry and sad anymore. He was wearing pajamas that weren't his and he didn't know what the nice lady and the old man had done with his shoes and clothes, but that was ok. He knew how to get back home.

　

　

　

　

Helen spent the night in the spare bedroom they kept for the orphans who had trouble sleeping with the other children. They didn't have any right now and Kevin had his own room. The room was sparse, identical to her own except for the more personal touches. She knew that Kevin's and Father's was the same. She slept in bursts of a minutes instead of hours, her dreams filled with bloody bodies covered with curtains, and the sound of a child crying, his words about his dead mother forever burned into her memory. She gave up on the premise of sleep around five in the morning. The children wouldn't be awake until six, the ones who went to school, anyway. The youngest ones wouldn't be up until eight, but she felt restless. She would make them a big breakfast, she thought, to keep herself busy and the thoughts at bay. She wondered if you could get shock just from hearing about someone else's trauma, because that was what this felt like to her. Her heart felt cold and the rest of her just felt wrong. Helen pulled on her robe and left the room. She walked towards her own room, wanting to check on Duo. He was such a small, sad boy. She wondered how well he would do here.

The other children could be rambunctious at times and Duo seemed so quiet, so unsociable... he was adoptable, though, if it came to that. He was cute and very well-behaved. His shyness might turn some parents away, but others would find it endearing. It was the trauma and shock that she was the most worried about. With his gold-streaked, light brown hair, fair skin, and eerie violet eyes, Duo looked like an angel, or perhaps a faerie from some old, Irish myth. It made him stand out against their other boys, who had the habit of putting holes in their clothes and getting their faces dirty right before adoption. She opened the door as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake him. She knew very little about shock, but she thought that the little boy would sleep a long while this morning. Her heart froze in her chest as she took in the bed, the covers thrown aside, but no child.

�Duo?� she called out and couldn't help the panic that was in her voice.

There was no answer. She knelt to look under the bed, a favorite hiding place for the other orphans, then in the closet. There was nothing. Even the little, plush starfish was gone. He couldn't have gone far. He had no clothes or shoes, so he had to still be in the church. But Duo hadn't struck her as the sort of boy who would go exploring without asking. She walked to the large room where the other boys were sleeping, forcing herself not to run. She peeked in, but saw no tiny brunette hiding with the other boys. The only other brunettes that were sleeping were too old and she recognized them easily. If Duo had crept in during the night, Tom, one of their street children, who had the instincts of a cat and the hearing of a hound, would have woken. He peered at her curiously as she poked her head through the door now, but just smiled at him and he closed his eyes again. Tom wouldn't have let Duo into the room without some sort of fuss, most of the boys were territorial.

Helen looked in every room upstairs, but there was no Duo. She was starting to panic. Either Duo had run away or... the worst thing she could imagine was that Duo's father had kidnapped him in the night. She wanted to think that Duo would have screamed or the sound of someone entering the church would have woken her, but she couldn't take any chances. As she ran down the steps, she almost collided into Father Maxwell, who grabbed her shoulders to steady her.

�Sister Helen, what's wrong?� he urged, not liking how pale she looked.

�Duo's gone,� she whispered, nearly wailing.

Maxwell's eyes widened and he gave her a stern look.

�Call the police,� he ordered.

�He might be hiding,� Helen said, clinging to hope.

Maxwell shook his head.

�Call then anyway,� he insisted, �You might be right. I should have seen him by now, but you might be right... Still, better safe then sorry.�

She nodded, already moving past him and grabbing the phone in the front hall, dialing Brennen's number. His gruff voice as he answered the phone was a relief to her and she quickly told him what had happened, her voice shaking. They had lost Duo� she had told him that everything would be better now, and she had lost him.

�Sister, did Duo tell you anything else?� Brennen urged, sounding just as desperate as Helen felt, �Where he lived, his last name, either of his parents� names?�

�No,� she confessed, �I put him to bed right after you left us.�

Over the phone, she heard a heavy sigh.

�Haven�t you found out anything yet?� she demanded, almost an accusation, �It�s been hours� you said that there were some things you could check up on!�

She knew that she was blaming the wrong person for this and really, she blamed herself more than him, but couldn�t keep the harshness out of her voice. She was responsible for Duo and if anything happened to him, it would be her fault. God would never forgive her for letting that poor little boy get hurt.

�We do have some leads,� Brennen told her, not upset by her harsh tone, �There�s a nurse at the local hospital who remembers a little boy matching Duo�s description who was brought in by a woman who looked a lot like him with a broken arm. Considering Duo�s eye color, we can assume it was him. That gives us a description of his mother as well. 5�7, chestnut hair, blue eyes, approximately twenty-five to thirty years old, maybe a little bit younger. Unfortunately, Duo wasn�t this nurse�s patient, so it�s taking awhile to find the doctor who cared for him and his home address.�

�Isn�t there anything I can do?� Helen pleaded.

�I�m sorry, Sister,� Brennen said, �But you�ll have to leave it to us. Just be patient and we�ll call you as soon as we find him. We will find him.�

�Thank you, Officer,� she murmured, hanging up the phone.

Be patient� how could she when it was looking more and more likely that Duo had either been kidnapped by his father or had tried to go home to him? Where else would a small child go in pajamas and no shoes? She had no doubt in her mind that Brennen would find Duo. But would he still be alive when he did?
*****

Hours passed. Sister Helen and Father Maxwell, with Kevin�s help, searched every last inch of the church. No Duo. Helen got dressed, made the children their breakfast, and watched them as they walked the road to school, which was only two miles away, but she felt as though her spirit had left her body. She sat by the phone and didn�t leave it, Kevin standing next to her, holding her hand every now and then. Father Maxwell made calls to other churches, synagogues, temples, and loyal parishioners in the area, asking if they had seen a little boy with blue-violet eyes, but no luck. It was just a little after ten when the phone finally rang. Helen picked it up, her hand like a rattlesnake and the phone, a timid mouse.

�Hello?� she said into it, her voice shaking.

�Sister,� it was Brennen, �You and Father Maxwell need to come to the hospital right away.�

That was the only thing Helen needed to hear. She slammed the phone down on the cradle as fast as she had picked it up.

�Hospital,� she said to Father Maxwell, who nodded, the both of them going to the closet by the front door for their coats.

Kevin stayed behind, a silent agreement between him and Father Maxwell to watch the younger children. The beat up, silver Toyota that Maxwell had owned for over fifteen years sped out of the tiny, church parking lot and down the road.
*****
It was embarrassing and painful, running into the hospital, up to reception, and asking about Duo. When the woman there asked if she was his mother, Helen had no response, except to shake her head. She wasn�t Duo�s mother, wasn�t anything at all to him except the woman who had given him a bath and a toy on the worse night of his life. But, she should be his mother. There was no other woman left in this world to care for him. That thought immediately sent her into a deep sadness. Just as the woman at reception started to realize that the two of them weren�t even related to the patient and question, and was looking at them suspiciously, Officer Brennen seemed to come out of nowhere with his partner in tow, the both of them looking very tired.

�Father, Sister,� he greeted.

He took his uniform hat off and held it in his hands, reminding Helen of the officer who had knocked on her door as a little girl to tell her that her father had had an accident. She immediately feared the worst.

�What did he do to him?� Helen demanded.

Brennen shook his head.

�We should talk in private,� he urged.

The nun and the priest followed the two cops through a set of double doors and up an elevator to pediatrics, where they stopped in a silent and empty hallway.

�Is it true?� Maxwell asked, �Did Duo�s father break into the church last night?�

Brennen shared a look with his partner, seeming pensive.

�We were able to find Duo through his medical records here,� he explained, �It seems that Duo has been admitted almost fifty times in the last three years for various physical injuries. Broken bones, concussions, things like that. His doctor should have alerted us, it�s procedure,� he said angrily, �There will be a strict investigation into why we were never contacted.�

Helen felt relief that some doctor in this place was going to be punished. Maybe there wasn�t much justice in the world, but there was some.

�Everything that we tell you about this is confidential,� Brennen�s partner warned.

�If you�re telling anything at all,� Maxwell sighed sadly, �Then that means that Duo�s mother really is dead, and that his father was responsible, which makes us his only option.�

Brennen nodded in a depressed manner.

�We went to his home,� he told them, �We found his mother. It� it took us a few minutes to identify her. She was pretty bad.�

His partner whispered something under his breath. It sounded like �she didn�t look human�, but Helen couldn�t be sure. Still, she felt sick to her stomach.

�Duo was there,� Brennen said.

�But I don�t understand,� Maxwell protested, �How could his father have gotten into the church and taken him? The church is old, the floorboards creak� if any of the children leave their room, we can hear it, but nothing woke us up last night. If a man had gone upstairs, we would have been wide awake.�

Brennen and his partner shared another look.

�He didn�t,� he informed them, �Marshall Jordan� Duo�s father is dead. He died some time last night. There hasn�t been an autopsy performed yet, but it looks like he died a little while after Duo and his friend ran away from the house.�

Helen felt a tremor go through her heart.

�I� I don�t understand,� she stammered, �Are you saying that Duo left the church on his own?�

�Did Solo kill Duo�s father?� Maxwell interrupted.

Brennen shook his head.

�It looks like the kid hit him with a bat pretty good a couple of times, but that it isn�t what killed him. He hung himself in the kid�s room.�

Helen rubbed at her forhead, trying to mask the horror that she felt inside.

�He killed himself� because he couldn�t live without Duo? Was he sorry for killing his wife?� she murmured to herself.

�Doubt it,� Brennen�s partner said, �He hung himself in his kid�s room with no suicide note. That�s not really an indication that he was sorry or remorseful. Given the abuse, it�s more likely he did it to punish his son for running away. It�s like a case we had awhile back. This girl broke up with her boyfriend, real messy. He broke into her apartment and killed himself there, just to get back at her.�

Brennen gave him a sharp look, not wanting to scare the priest and nun.

�It doesn�t matter anymore why he killed himself,� he pointed out, �Duo� we found the kid there.�

�He saw his father, didn�t he?� Maxwell asked, already knowing the answer and it filled him with dread.

Bad enough that the boy had to have watched his father kill his mother, but this�

�Yes,� Brennen said regretfully, �One of his neighbors has a dog, a German Sheppard. According to the neighbor, that dog only barks when it sees people walking around on their street. It was silent all night except for at eleven o�clock, around 12:30, and lastly at 3 a.m. The neighbor saw Mr. Jordan come home at eleven, so it�s safe to say that Duo and Solo got out a bit after midnight. We found Duo at nine thirty this morning, just sitting in his room� looking. As far as we know, he spent the whole six hours that way, not even moving a muscle. There�s no sign that he went anywhere else in the house and with all that blood on the kitchen floor� we would have seen something.�

Helen hid her face in both her hands, feeling as though she would start to scream if she didn�t. She felt Father Maxwell put a hand on her shoulder, but it was no comfort. All she could think about was Duo, sweet, innocent little Duo, sitting on the floor of his room and watching his father hang there for six long hours. What could that kind of prolonged, visual image do to a child?

�How is he?� she heard Maxwell ask.

�Physically? He walked three miles from the church to his home in the pouring rain with only pajamas on. He has a fever from exposure, a dry cough, and some minor cuts on his feet. Nothing that some bed rest, hot soup, and band-aids won�t cure. Mentally� he hasn�t said a single word to anyone since we found him. We�re hoping one of you might get him to start talking. Until he does, the doctors can�t get a read on his mental state and until they do, he can�t leave,� Brennen confessed, �He�s pale and seems confused. The boy just looks off.�

Who wouldn�t be? Helen thought bitterly. Who could watch someone they had loved hanging from the ceiling of their own bedroom for all those hours and not be messed up inside?

�I want to see him,� she demanded.

The cops nodded to her and led them down the hall.

�Have you found anyone who can take Duo in, yet?� Maxwell asked as they walked.

�No,� Brennen�s partner responded, �Both of his parents were only children and his grandparents died before he was born. He doesn�t have any family left.�

Helen didn�t know why, but that fact, though it saddened her, brought her no shock. It wasn�t almost as though she had been expecting it when Brennen had told them to come here. They stopped at a door and the other cop handed Father Maxwell a folder filled with papers.

�That�s everything, birth certificate, medical records, anything any adoptive parents will need. I suggest you put them someplace safe. Once he�s released, he�s all yours,� the man said.

The words seemed faint and unreal to Helen, all of her focus on the door in front of her. A male nurse walked the halls, but wasn�t pushing anything, nor did he seem to be going anywhere. He gave them a suspicious look, but kept walking when Brennen nodded to him. Helen realized that there were probably such nurses and hospital staff walking every corridor in pediatrics, on the lookout for anyone trying to take a sick child, and felt another chill.

�He�s six,� Maxwell murmured, looking at Duo�s birth certificate.

Helen couldn�t take the tension anymore and opened the door. Father Maxwell loitered in the doorway, but no one else walked in. She felt something tight and strong release her heart as she saw the boy in the hospital bed. His eyes were open and he was staring at nothing, not seeming to care that he had an IV in his arm. Most children his age would be picking at it or whining about needles, but his face was blank, like a doll�s. Just like Brennen had said, he looked sick, like he had cancer, his face even paler than it had been the night before. The little plush starfish she had given him was sitting on the nightstand next to his bed and she was grateful that someone, Brennen or the other cop, probably, had thought to bring it.

There were dark shadows and creases under Duo�s eyes, as though he had watched TV for twelve hours straight or hadn�t slept in days. It was the look of tired eyes, but Helen knew that it was really the mark of a tired soul, of someone who had seen too much too quickly. The heart monitor that he was hooked up to was the only indication that she had that he was alive, those eyes not blinking, his body not moving an inch as she approached him. The temperature read 101 degrees, but his face was, oddly, not flushed. She sat at the edge of his bed, the mattress dipping with her weight.

�Duo?� she said gently, placing her hand on his much smaller one.

His hand was cold, like ice, and as pale as death. He didn�t look at her or respond in any way. It was as though he was in a waking coma and that frightened her. What if he stayed like this? She picked up the little starfish with her other hand, rubbing her fingers against the worn fur. It looked even worse than when she had handed it to Duo last night and she easily imagined him sitting in his room, squeezing and worrying at the plush. She turned his hand over and placed the starfish on his palm. As though he had just woken up from a deep sleep, Duo blinked and his fingers curled around the starfish lightly. Helen breathed in relief as those violet eyes moved, looking around the room in confusion.

�Duo?� she tried again and this time, his head turned and his eyes met hers, �Do you remember me? It�s Sister Helen.�

�Sis�ter,� he murmured with recognition, then looked down at the starfish.

He moved his hand to his chest, gripping the plushie there.

�You�re in the hospital,� she said cautiously, not wanting to frighten him back into that strange, almost catatonic state, �Do you remember them bringing you here?�

Duo gave a slow nodded.

�Mr. Brennen said� he said he would take me someplace warm,� he murmured.

Helen smiled at him.

�That�s right, Officer Brennen is the one who found you,� she said.

Duo had a far off look in his eyes, like he was lost in memory, but instead of that flat, dead look returning, he just looked sad. She touched his hand again, hoping that a bit of her warmth might sink into him.

�Why did you run away, Duo?� she asked in a pleading tone, �We wouldn�t have let anything bad happen to you.�

�I just wanted to see Daddy,� he murmured, looking at the starfish and not her, �I� I wanted to tell him how sorry I was for making him sad. That�s why he hurt Mommy, because he didn�t want us to be apart, it made him sad. I� still love him� even if he hurts me sometimes� and even though he killed Mommy� I didn�t want him to be so sad��

Tears streamed down his face and Helen pulled him into a hug, careful of the IV in his other arm. He curled against her, crying harshly, almost violently.

�Duo,� she said painfully, tears in her own eyes, and she stroked his chestnut hair.

�But� but he left me all alone�� Duo sobbed, his tone one of betrayal, �He abandoned me! Because� because I abandoned him! He thought I didn�t love him enough, that�s why he hurt himself!�

�No, sweetheart,� Helen soothed, tightening her grip around him, a tear of her own trailing down her face, �Your daddy was very sick. When people are sick like that� they hurt themselves. It wasn�t because of you, it was his fault, not yours.�

Duo shook his head in protest, but didn�t refute her words. His face was pinched, as though he were feeling some kind of excruciating pain, and she was sure that he was, but not any kind physical agony. It was a pain deep inside, where no medicine could reach. She shared a sad look with Father Maxwell. There was nothing that they could do for him. The world was cruel. Duo needed help, someone who knew the right things to say for a little boy who had, literally, lost everything, but they didn�t have the money for that kind of care. All they could do was take him home, wait, and hope that Duo would be fine. It seemed wrong, but they just couldn�t help him beyond that.
*****
Duo�s doctor, a man who acted like he couldn�t get Duo out of there fast enough and he had better things to do once he realized that Duo was now a charity case, his father having left him nothing and the bank, like hungry vultures circling a kill, already in the process of seizing his home. Duo had nothing but the nun and the priest standing by his bedside. Once the doctor had heard that Duo was talking a little, even if it was just to Helen, and had eaten a little bit, he signed off on everything, not bothering to ask Father Maxwell or Officer Brennen where Duo was going to go or if he was mentally stable. Helen hated the man immediately and hoped that he was the doctor that Officer Brennen would be investigating. Duo didn�t say anything as they all got into Father Maxwell�s car and drove back to the church. He kept his head down, still just looking at the starfish, the both of them looking worn and sad.

Duo finally seemed to come out of himself as they walked up to the front door of the church. He studied the outside, mostly painted white and realized what was going to happen to him without any words from the two adults. This was his home now. He wouldn�t go back to the little two bedroom house he had grew up in. He should feel sad. Homes were important and you were supposed to feel bad when you lost yours, but he didn�t. He missed his mommy and daddy. He even missed Teddy, but he didn�t miss his house, which was always cold, or his bed, which was always hard, or his neighbor�s mean dog, or the loud cars that went by his bedroom in the middle of the night.

The church was bigger than his house. It was cold, too, but not as cold as his house had been. It didn�t smell bad, either. There weren�t any barking dogs or neighbors yelling at each other. It was different, but it wasn�t bad. And Sister Helen was nice. She held him like his mommy did. She kind of smelled like her, too, but she was taller than his mommy was and when she hadn�t worn that black and white robe thing, her hair was blonde, not brown. Different, but not worse. He just wanted to see his parents again, but he knew that he couldn�t. No matter how much he cried, no matter how much he saw his daddy with that rope around him, they weren�t going to come back for him.

Kevin was waiting for them in the foyer when they walked in. He looked relieved to see Duo and knelt down in front of him. Duo recognized him from last night, though only vaguely. He wasn�t scared of him, though he was a stranger and he was older. He had a nice smile.

�You must be Duo,� the older boy said, extending his hand to Duo, which was scarred on the palm, �I�m Kevin.�

Duo stared at the scars for a second. They were white and puckered, in long lines. They reminded him of the cuts on his mommy and he wondered if Kevin�s daddy had gotten mad at him, too. He took his hand, shaking it shyly.

�Kevin, can you find a bed for Duo?� Maxwell asked.

Kevin nodded dutifully. He usually helped Sister Helen take care of the younger kids and didn�t mind it, since most of the really younger ones came from broken families and behaved themselves around him, liking having a cool, �big brother� to take care of them. To kids that young, until they were adopted, Kevin was big brother, Helen was mom, and Maxwell was dad. They were just young enough that the world hadn�t completely jaded them yet and they accepted those kind of roles easily. The older kids were too bitter, too rebellious to see Father and Sister as anything else but jailers.

�Want to come with me, kiddo?� Kevin asked gently, well aware of what had happened to the boy last night, �I�ll give you a little tour of our humble home and I�m sure Sister Helen will make you something nice for lunch. What do you like?�

Duo shuffled his feet, looking at the floor, but didn�t let go of Kevin�s hand.

�Mommy used to put bananas in my p.b. and j,� he murmured, sure that Sister Helen wouldn�t make one like that, his daddy had always said they were gross.

Helen smiled down at him, patting his head.

�We have plenty of bananas, sweetheart. Do you like other fruit, too?� she asked, happy that Duo wasn�t one of those boys that only liked sweets.

Duo nodded. His mommy used to say he was a good boy, because he liked to eat his broccoli and carrots as well as bananas and strawberries.

�We�ll find you something good to eat,� Kevin promised, �Come on.�

The stairs creaked loudly as they walked up to the room where the orphans slept. The room was large, easily five times the size of Duo�s bedroom, but it didn�t look that way at first. The room was filled with ten beds on each side, a total of twenty, made the same way with the same colored blanket and sheets. There were two lamps on each side by the second and seventh beds and chests at the end of each bed, filled with the child�s toys and clothes. There weren�t any mirrors and just one door leading to a double bathroom. There were various stuffed animals on some of the beds of the younger kids, parts of video games on the older ones. There were only two beds at the very end that were empty of little, lived in things. Kevin led him to one of the empty beds at the end.

�You�ll sleep here,� he told him, �You can put your clothes in the chest and Sister Helen will make your bed until you�re old enough to do it yourself. She�ll buy you your own toothbrush and soap, too.�

Duo put his starfish on the bed and gave it a tiny, almost nonexistent smile. The stark bed, with the little toy there, looked as slept in as the rest of the occupied beds. He looked at the bed next to him, not much space between the beds, and frowned.

�I know it�s kind of busy in here,� Kevin said, �But this isn�t a home. The point of the orphanage is to find you guys a place of your own.�

�Does that mean I�ll have a new mommy and daddy?� Duo asked.

Kevin nodded.

�Every once in awhile, couples will come here and take one of you kids home with them. If everything goes well after a few weeks, they�ll be your new family,� he said, noting Duo�s frown, �I know it sounds kind of scary, but it isn�t so bad.�

Duo continued to look around sadly.

�But what if I don�t want a new mommy or daddy?� he muttered.

Kevin ruffled his chestnut hair.

�It�s hard, especially since you just lost yours, but nobody wants to be without a family,� he said.

�Don�t you have a family?� Duo asked, starting to come out of his shell.

Kevin shook his head.

�People don�t like to adopt teenagers. They like to have cute little kids like you, so they can raise you up like their own. I�m just too old,� he told the boy.

Duo thought about that, about not having a family. It wasn�t something that he could even understand, to not have a mommy and daddy. He tugged on Kevin�s shirt, to make him lean down. When the teenager did, he threw his arms around his neck and hugged him. Kevin�s dark grey eyes widened in shock at the six year old�s affection, then hugged him back.

�Don�t worry, kiddo,� he murmured, �That won�t happen to you. You�re adorable and well behaved, foster parents would be stupid not to scoop you up.�

�But� you should get a family, too,� Duo protested.

�The world doesn�t work that way,� Kevin said sadly, letting go of him and taking his hand again, �I�ll show you my room, ok, so if you ever need anything, you know where I am.�

Duo nodded, happy to take his hand again. Kevin gave him a small tour of the church, leading him to his and Father Maxwell�s rooms, the various bathrooms, the large room where they held mass, Maxwell�s study, the reading room, and the room that had the old television and chests of donated toys. They ended up in the kitchen, where Sister Helen had laid out a tall glass of milk and a sandwich. Father Maxwell called Kevin away, leaving Duo alone with his meal. He took a sip of the milk, frowning as it tasted different than the milk his mother gave him. It was a tiny thing, compared to his new bedroom, but it made his chest tighten. It was wrong. It made him feel a deep sadness, just that taste of wrong milk.

Duo lifted up one side of the white bread, to see if Sister Helen had really put banana in it. They were there, cut up into little circles, like pickles, on the peanut butter side. Just like how his mother made it. It was that sight of the circles of fresh banana, the familiar smell of peanut butter and ripe fruit, that broke something inside of him. He started to sob again, hiding his face in his hands. Everything was strange here, everything different, but this was exactly the same. It made him ache for his mother. He wanted to scream her name and, some part of him thought that if he did, she might come running to find him, like she always did, but he knew that she wouldn�t.

By the time Sister Helen came back to check on him, Duo had cleaned his face of tears and hid his reddened eyes by lowering his head, his long bangs falling over his eyes. She didn�t seem to notice. He took a bite out of the sandwich and felt crying again. It tasted the same, too.

�How is it?� Helen asked with a gentle smile.

Duo automatically smiled at her brightly, the way he would have smiled at his mother, without even realizing it.

�It�s good!� he said happily, eating with relish before he realized that his heart still felt empty and yearning.

He ignored it. Sister Helen wasn�t his mommy, but it was ok if he thought that she was, just for a little bit.
*****
He was dreaming again. He always knew that he was dreaming, because he�d see his mommy or his daddy. This time, he was dreaming of Solo. They were in the room connected to the kitchen. Duo could smell blood. It was dark. There was a light on in his parents� bedroom. He knew that in a little while, his daddy would come out of the room, just like how he knew that his mommy was lying, dead, behind him to his right. He didn�t want to see. He wanted to wake up. Solo was telling him that he was going to get him out, that he was going to take him somewhere safe, just like before, but this time Duo knew what was going to happen. Solo was going to take him far away and then, he was going to abandon him, just like his daddy was going to abandon him. He didn�t want to dream about stuff that had happened. He wanted to dream about something fun and nice, like flying or living in the rainforest.

Solo grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet. This wasn�t right. Real Solo had picked him up and carried him out. He had wrapped his jacket around him. Solo was still wearing his jacket. His daddy wasn�t coming out of his bedroom. Solo�s hand was cold when it should have been warm. He remembered it being warm, because he had felt so cold. They were hurrying towards the front door and he suddenly knew that they weren�t going to make it. He didn�t dream good dreams. Something was going to happen. Solo was going to get hurt, just like before. Solo was taller than him and faster, so it should have been hard keeping up with him, but it wasn�t. Dreams were weird like that.

There was a sharp, grating sound from behind them, the sound of fingernails on wood. Real Solo would have kept running, he had kept running before, even when Duo�s daddy had shot him, but Dream Solo stopped, because Duo didn�t want him to. Duo thought that that was what nightmares were, all the bad things that you thought could happen, even if they really couldn�t happen. He looked back towards the sound, though he didn�t really want to. His mommy was moving. She was alive. Or, maybe she was still dead. In real life, dead things couldn�t move, but this was a dream and here, they could and Duo thought that that was worse than someone dying and not moving anymore.

Her red fingernails, painted with blood instead of polish, dug into the wooden floor, making a loud screeee sound as she stretched her arms out, pulling herself along by her fingernails. Her cuts bled thick, dark blood and it dripped everywhere, almost black. Her brown hair, all bloody and matted, fell in front of her face. The slashed bits of skin hung like leather cloth off her body, but she didn�t seem to be in pain. She continued to pull herself along until she, somehow, managed to climb, slowly, to her feet. Her shoulders were hunched at a strange angle and she shuffled forward, one foot in front of the other in a jerking movement. Blood dripped from her fingertips, her dress sticking to her wounds.

She didn�t look like his mommy anymore, but like something out of those scary movies he wasn�t supposed to watch, but sometimes, when his parents weren�t around, he snuck peeks at. Solo suddenly fell to the floor in a heap, blood bursting out from his stomach. Duo wanted to cry, but he couldn�t. You couldn�t cry in a dream, even in a nightmare. She stood in front of him, her hair parted so he could see one milky-blue eye staring down at him in cold contempt, like how his daddy often looked at him. Her mouth was cut on each side wide upon, so Duo could see some of her teeth, but it didn�t really look she was smiling.

�D� uo,� she croaked, her voice like a rusty hinge and as she spoke, blood sputtered from her lips, dripping down her chin and neck, �Du� o��

Duo knew that he should run, but he couldn�t. It wasn�t that he was frozen, it was that he wasn�t supposed to move.

�Bad� boy�� she rasped through bloody lips, �Such a bad boy� Why didn�t you say no? I wouldn�t have tried to take you away from Daddy if you had just said no� It was all up to you� If you had just been a good boy� had listened to your daddy� I�d still be alive� and Solo� and Daddy� All your fault. Your daddy didn�t kill us. You killed us.�

She shuffled closer and leaned over him. Her chestnut hair, normally not even coming down to her shoulders, fell around him like a curtain, wrapping around him, strangling him. The cuts at her mouth spread and Duo realized in horror that she was grinning at him, a sick parody of her usual kind, bright smile.

�You should hurt yourself, just like Daddy did,� she chuckled, blood dripping from her lips and traced Duo�s cheek with one bloody finger, �It�s easy� then� we can all be a family again� won�t that be nice?�

She leaned close and Duo could feel her hot, stinking breath brush his face. The blood from her mouth dripped on him in a thick, unending torrent. In his chest, her fingers closed around his heart, icy and dead, and started to rip it apart.
　

Duo woke up screaming, but his cries were cut short as something hard hit the side of his face, making him bite down on his lip so hard that he drew blood.

�Shudda fuck up!� one of the older boys yelled from further down the row of beds.

Several of the other children laughed in the dark. It reminded him of his dead mother�s chuckle and a tremor went through him. He wanted to go get Kevin, but it was too dark. He was afraid that one of the other kids might try to trip him, throw something else at him, or worse, something dead and cold would grab him from under one of the beds. He curled up on his side, wrapping his arms around his familiar, blue teddy bear, and trembled. His heart beat in his chest so hard that it hurt and his stomach ached so bad, he was sort of glad he was too terrified to go back to sleep, because his tummy wouldn�t let him anyway. The dreams happened so often, every night since he had come here, that he knew he wouldn�t fall back asleep. It didn�t matter what time it was, he would stay awake until breakfast.

Life at the orphanage wasn�t terrible, but it wasn�t great, either. The other children stayed far away from Duo, like he was a diseased dog in their pack. He was the second youngest, the first a hyperactive five year old named Riff who was going home with a family in just three days, as the couple fixed up their house for his arrival. Soon, he would be the youngest, and the smallest. He didn�t talk to any of the kids, or even Father Maxwell, just Sister Helen and Kevin. He felt shy around the other kids, who were loud and rambunctious. They stole his hair brush and starfish, Sister Helen always gave them back, scolding the child that did it. That had only made their behavior towards him worse, ignoring him and keeping the other toys from him. When they did try to talk to him, he froze and couldn�t find anything to say to them, which made them whisper �freak� under their breaths. Kevin sharing his video games, which he bought through his part time job, with Duo didn�t make things any better.

Besides his strained relationship with the other orphans, Duo fell into life at the church easily. It wasn�t all that different than his life before. He spent his time reading and playing with the old puzzles that none of the other children wanted to play with. He hadn�t had many nice things at home, either. All the coloring books were filled in and the older kids monopolized the television, watching trashy talk shows when Sister Helen wasn�t around. Duo couldn�t understand the shows and had no interest in watching the people yelling at each other. It reminded him of his father. He didn�t want to think about his daddy. He thought about him enough when Sister Helen turned the lights out in their room and he had nothing to do but sleep and have nightmares.

Before coming to the orphanage, Duo had had nightmares before, but he had never remembered them. It was harder remembering them, because he knew what he was going to dream about before he fell asleep and it frightened him every time. The meals they had were worse than the ones his mother had served, but not by very much. It was all plain, often tough food, but Duo liked the cream of wheat Sister Helen served for breakfast. She let him put blueberries in it and with the creamed wheat, he couldn�t taste how shriveled the old blueberries were, just how sweet they were. It didn�t hurt his stomach, either. He had had a few stomach aches before, but recently, he had them all the time. They hurt so bad, he couldn�t eat anything, which just made Sister Helen worry.

It wasn�t so bad, in all. Mr. Brennen had brought him some of his toys from home two days ago, the day after he had been in the hospital. He didn�t care so much about his other toys, just Teddy, which he carried everywhere so no one would steal it. Sometimes, one of the older kids would try to grab the bear from him, but even if they got the bear from him, Kevin would smack the kid on the back of the head, so few kids tried it again. The other kids looked up to Kevin, especially the kids from the streets who were all toughened up and knew how to swear and smoke. Kevin was cool, they said, because he never let no family soften him up and turn him into a pet. Duo never mentioned to them that he thought Kevin would have liked a mommy and daddy and didn�t like staying here all that much. Kevin was the oldest, too, and old enough to drive, if he had a car, which made him even cooler.

Kevin, Sister Helen, and Father Maxwell played with him when they were around and, they said, in a few months, he could go to the first grade and learn how to add and subtract, how to read better, and learn about the world and animals and stuff. It sounded kind of fun. He just wished he could sleep and the pain in his chest, which he had first felt in the hospital when he had told Sister Helen about his father, had gotten pretty bad lately, would go away. The kid on the bed next to Duo started to snore loudly, making his heart jolt and he curled up tighter. He didn�t like this room. He used to have a nightlight on in his old room, but they didn�t have stuff like that here. No one but him, not even Riff, had a problem with the dark.

There was something wrong with the clock. It didn�t glow like the clock in his house, it was old and ticked, but the ticking was broken, sounding more like tapping. Like fingernails� Duo sat up straight, biting his lip to keep from gasping out loud. He could still taste blood in his mouth from biting his tongue and it reminded him of his nightmare, of his mother�s blood dripping on his face. He trembled and his heart raced, making him feel sick. He felt lightheaded, like someone had stuck a whole lot of cotton in his ears. Duo looked over the edge of the bed nervously. He didn�t want to be in this room now, but he knew if got off the bed, something from under it would try to grab him.

Slowly and silently, so no monsters would hear him and no kids would throw things at him to alert those same monsters to what he was doing, he crawled to the end of his bed and stood on the wooden chest. It gave a creak and he paused, but nothing happened. He stepped onto the flat, wooden floor, his teddy tucked in his arm, and cautiously walked towards the door, staying close to the chests, his heart hammering away. He felt dizzy and his head was starting to ache. There was a voice in his head telling him that at any moment, something bad was going to happen. He wasn�t supposed to be up this early, Father Maxwell said so, and he had tried to be a good boy, but the darkness was too scary.

He got to the door and out into the hallway without anything trying to eat him, but his heart didn�t settle. It stopped pounding and did something weird in his chest, like vibrating or twitching and it made him feel even dizzier. He closed the door behind him and went to the steps. The stairs leading down were double in his vision as his headache escalated and the dizziness threatened to have him tumble down, but he grabbed the little bars that descended from the railing and used them to lead them down.

There was a light on in the kitchen. This was unusual, since Sister Helen often scolded them about the price of keeping lights on when no one was in them and it was still too early for Sister or Father to be up. Again, he thought about the nightmare, but felt a little less scared knowing that dead people didn�t need lights to see. They could see in the dark because they lived in it. He shuffled hesitantly to the kitchen and instantly felt relieved when he saw, not a monster or even another one of the orphans, but Sister Helen standing at the counter, drinking from a steaming mug of what smelled like tea. There were dark rings under her eyes and Duo realized that she couldn�t sleep, either. She noticed him standing there, but instead of scolding him for being where he wasn�t supposed to be, like his father would have, she looked concerned.

�Duo, honey, what�s wrong?� she asked.

Her concern made him anxious. He had done something wrong, getting up in the middle of the night. Everything inside told him that his dad would punish him for something like that, and her worry confused him. It made him wonder if there was something wrong with him, if she looked so worried, and he wished she would just tell him to do something. It was easier when his daddy told him to do stuff because he knew, if he did it, he wouldn�t be hit. He took a step forward and the dizziness swept him up, making him unsure where the ground was and he felt weak. He fell, nearly hitting his head against the wall.

�Duo!� Helen cried out, her mug of tea forgotten on the counter and ran to him.

Duo was already sitting up by the time she got to him, not understanding what had happened. She put her hands on his cheeks, looking at him. He hated when she did that. He didn�t want to be looked at, like how his daddy had looked at him, hanging from the ceiling�

�Dizzy,� he murmured.

Helen�s look of anxiety intensified. She put one hand on his forehead, but he felt too cold instead of warm with a fever. Normally, she would have brushed it off as a boy who hadn�t gotten enough sleep and had just woken up, but with Duo, she couldn�t. It had been four days since they had brought him home from the hospital and since then, he had fallen like this five times. Fortunately, he hadn�t hurt himself any of those times, but she was getting worried.

�Does your stomach, chest, and head hurt again?� she asked with all the concern of a mother.

Duo nodded and Helen felt fear spike at her heart. It was the same five symptoms over and over again, dizziness, headache, stomachache, chest pain, and� she pressed her fingers to the side of his neck. There. It took her several seconds to find his pulse, as though the beat was hiding from her, but she could feel it. Weak and trembling, but racing. In all of her years taking care of children, Helen had never had an orphan have these symptoms before. It wasn�t a flu or a cold because he didn�t have a fever or a cough, but she couldn�t ignore that Duo was sick. Was it from the shock and trauma he had gone through, the stress of living in a new place, maybe? She wasn�t a doctor, she had no idea.

She couldn�t just ignore it, either. She knew that Duo wasn�t sleeping and he was eating very little when he had those aches and pains. He would clutch at his chest often when he was with the other orphans and didn�t run around like they did. The dizziness worried her the most, since he would fall without any warning at all. She was constantly anxious that he would fall down the stairs or hit his head too hard. Duo saw her quiet, pensive look and felt even more anxiety.

�I don�t want to see another doctor,� he pleaded, clutching Teddy tightly.

Helen shook her head.

�Don�t worry about that, sweetheart,� she said and hated herself for saying that.

Every instinct she had was shouting at her to take Duo to the hospital so they could run some tests, but in reality, that just wasn�t an option for them. They had taken him twice already and they hadn�t found anything wrong with him. Of course, they could only take him to the free clinic down town. They couldn�t afford a bunch of tests and since Duo�s condition wasn�t life threatening, there wasn�t much the doctors there could do or look for. All she could do was hope that those pains and dizziness would go away after awhile. She stroked his hair.

�You can�t go back to sleep, can you?� she asked.

Duo shook his head and she almost sighed. There were dark circles under his eyes, looking terrible on his white skin. He would probably take a nap later today, but she wished that, just once, he would sleep for the entire night. The nightmares and restlessness should be normal for a child that had endured as much as Duo had, but it didn�t stop her from being afraid for his health.

�I�ll make you some hot chocolate, ok?� she said with a bright smile.

She might not be able to make him healthier, but she could make him feel better. Duo nodded happily and she left him to make the drink, hiding her worried expression from him. The last thing Duo needed in his life was more anxiety.
*****

Duo liked it a lot when the other orphans left the church to go to school. He wondered what it would be like when he joined that horde of nineteen, like a pack of dogs with Kevin as their leader, but for now, he was happy to have some time away from their loud noises and bullying. Riff had been adopted two days ago, making Duo the youngest and the only orphan who was still too young to go to school. Sister Helen had explained to him that they didn�t want him to go to school until he was really settled in and that the first grade wasn�t that important. He wanted to go, but he was kind of glad that he didn�t have to until he was ready. He knew that one of the reasons why he wasn�t going with the other kids was because he was sick.

He didn�t know why he was sick, he just was, so Sister didn�t see any real reason to have him hurry off to school. He liked it when the other kids left because he could play with all the toys that they usually kept from him and Sister Helen would play with him and make him his sandwich that he liked. He even got to watch the television, which he was doing now, and not the dumb shows that the older kids watched. Right now he was flipping through two channels, one that had a cartoon about a talking cat that turned into a human superhero at night, and a real-life program about wolves. Both were neat, but he kind of liked watching the wolves more, even when they killed stuff, which was kind of scary. He thought that, if you got surrounded by two wolves, let alone those large packs, you were a goner. Watching the wolves made him want a pet, a dog or cat, or maybe even a snake, though you couldn�t pet those. He didn�t think that Father Maxwell would go for it, though, and if he got one, one of the other kids would probably just try to steal it anyway. He was sitting on Sister Helen�s lap, letting her comb his hair as he watched TV. It was kind of like how his mom used to do it, only his mom had done it in front of a mirror. Sister Helen was doing a really good job, too. She wasn�t pulling at his hair too hard and he could feel the teeth of the comb scratching his scalp, like his fingers when he had an itch there. It was relaxing.

�This is getting kind of long,� Helen mused, touching the ends of Duo�s hair, which were growing out away from head, �I�ll cut it later, ok?�

Duo shrugged. He didn�t care about what his hair looked like very much. Helen smiled to herself as she continued to comb. Duo�s hair was very thick, so it was hard to come through, but fairly straight. She would rather that he keep the neat, close to the head cut that little boys usually had, but the fact was that they couldn�t afford to get the children haircuts by salons. They had to do it themselves and she wasn�t all that good at it. She would probably wait until his hair grew a few more inches, then cut it as close as she could.

She was brought out of her thoughts as the front door swung open and the loud shouts of the other orphans could be heard, coming back from school. Kevin walked into the room, looking nervous.

�Sister, can I talk to you for a moment?� he asked almost shyly.

She smiled at him and nodded. She knew what it was about, had been waiting for him to approach her about it for weeks. Every day that passed was a day closer to Kevin�s eighteenth birthday, when he would have to leave the church. He had no prospects, no one wanted to adopt him or care for him. All the other shelters in the area were full and didn�t want another body to find a bed for, another mouth to feed. She knew that, unless something was done, the poor boy would go back to the streets. She ruffled Duo�s hair.

�Sweetie, why don�t you go upstairs and play, alright?� she said.

Duo nodded, falling off her lap and picking his teddy off the floor. Kevin ruffled his hair, too, as he passed, but his smile faded as soon as Duo was running up the stairs.

The room where they all slept was noisy again as the other orphans put their book bags in the chests and chatted with each other about homework and the friends they had at school. Duo ignored all of them, as he always did, going to his own bed at the end of the room and sitting on it, rummaging under his pillow for one of the storybooks he hid from the other kids. Suddenly, a shadow fell over him. Standing in front of him was one of the older kids, not as old as a teenager, but the boy was much taller than Duo was. Duo didn�t know his name. The boy sneered at him.

�I bet you think you�ve got it real easy, huh, freak?� he mocked.

The room went eerily silent and all the other children looked over at them. Some of them even walked over, forming a barrier between Duo and the door. His heart started to race and his chest ached as he realized he was trapped. He didn�t respond to the boy�s question. He didn�t know what to do, if he didn�t answer, the boy would probably get mad, but if he did answer, he might get mad anyway.

�All you gotta do is look cute for the grownups and they�ll pick you up in a flash,� the older boy accused, stabbing Duo in the chest with a finger.

Duo�s heart seemed to respond to the jab, the beating growing sharper and more strangled. The ache grew.

�All while the rest of us hafta be on our best behavior. Some of us might even end up like Kevin! Why should we have to be looked over just �cause of your pretty, wide-eyed looks, eh?� the boy demanded, then got a sly look on his face, �I bet they wouldn�t look at ya twice if they knew what happened, would they? Is it true that yer dad killed some kid and your mommy, too?�

tha-thump

The pain grew into sharp splinters in his heart. He got off his bed, backing away from the boy, his heart slamming around fiercely as the boy grabbed his arm.

�It is true, isn�t it?� he jeered, �You must be some pathetic loser for a guy like that to kill himself just to get away from ya!�

tha-thump, tha-thump

The boy and some of the other kids started to laugh as what little color Duo had in his face drained away and he looked horrified.

�Yeah,� his tormentor continued, not noticing how Duo was shaking, �Ya think we don�t hear ya at night? �Oh, Daddy, don�t kill me! I�ll be a good boy!�� the boy said in a high-pitched, whining tone.

Something wrapped around Duo�s heart, strong and tight, squeezing it relentlessly as it continued to race so fast, the beats were more like buzzing to him than beats. So immersed in his pain, Duo didn�t see the boy smirk and nod to another boy, who crept behind the wardrobe that was sitting right next to the only closet that the room had.

�That ain�t all we hear at night,� the bully said in a low, threatening tone, like he was telling a ghost story, �There�s this weird sound, comin� from the closet when yur asleep, like bumpin� and scratchin�. Kind of like someone scratching at the door with their fingernails.�

tha-thump, tha-thump, tha-thump.

�And sometimes, we can hear this voice sayin� your name. �Duuuooo�, �Duuuooo�,� the boy continued gleefully.

Duo shook his head violently.

�You�re lying,� he rasped.

�I ain�t lyin�, am I guys?� he asked the room.

Every head shook and Duo heard various voices calling out, claiming that they had heard the voice, too, a man�s voice, an angry voice. That thing inside kept constricting and Duo started to feel dizzy.

�Now, I think we should do the kind thing here and reintroduce our friend Duo to his dear old dad,� the boy suggested, �I mean, since they miss each other so much.�

The terror exploded and Duo ran forward, anything to escape the boy�s cruel words and the strange beating of his own heart. The boy grabbed him easily and dragged him over the closet.

tha� thump, tha� thump

Duo�s heart started to slow as he thrashed in the boy�s grip, horrified by the thought that, maybe, just maybe, his dad really was hiding in the closet. Maybe he just couldn�t get out. Maybe he was waiting for Duo, and then he would do what he did in Duo�s nightmares� the boy threw Duo towards the closet and they all huddled around him, keeping him from running again.

tha� � thump, tha� �

Duo started to feel tired, like he hadn�t slept in a long while and it was hard to keep his eyes open, but he did out of sheer terror as his heart continued to slow down.

�He�s not there,� Duo murmured over and over, �He�s not there, he�s not there, you�re lying, he�s not��

�Sure he is,� the boy said, almost sweetly, �He misses you so much, Duo, he just wants to drag you off, then you can all be one, big, happy family again. If you listen, you can hear him now.�

tha� � � thump

Trapped and terrified, all Duo could do was what the boy wanted and listened. Seconds passed, but Duo couldn�t hear anything. He listened harder and harder, pleading God that there really wasn�t anything in there. There couldn�t be anything in there� where he couldn�t see, the boy nodded again to the boy hidden from Duo, behind the wardrobe. The boy smiling as cruelly as the other one was, slammed his hands against the wall. The wall, all the way to the closet, trembled and shook. Something that had been hanging in the closet fell with a crash, the hangers falling against the door and making scratching sounds. In his mind, Duo saw his father falling from the rope hanging him, his hands clawing at the door for release.

tha� � � �

Duo felt a shock go through him, then, weakness filled his entire body. He lost control of himself and fell, limp to the floor. Laughter rang out through the room.

�Oh, man!� someone roared with laughter, �Look at the baby! He fainted at a little thump!�

Duo tried to get up, to lift his head, to twitch his fingers, to protest, no, he hadn�t fainted, he had just fallen, but nothing happened. He couldn�t move any part of his body and it was hard to breathe. The pain in his chest had become complete agony. It tired him to even try to move. It was then that he realized he couldn�t hear his heart beating, either. Something was wrong with him� that thought should have filled him with fear, but it didn�t. He couldn�t feel anything. He heard loud footsteps running into the room, closer and closer to him.

�What the fuck is wrong with you?!�

For a second, Duo thought it was his father, but was too weak to even care about that. He heard the sound of flesh hitting flesh, the familiar sound of a slap. He recognized the sound of the boy who had taunted him, but now it was in a strangled whimper.

�I didn�t do nothing�, Kevin!� the boy was protesting.

�Shut up!� Kevin snarled at him.

He felt Kevin roll him into his arms, cradling him. Duo�s arms hung at his sides, unmoving and he looked up at the teenager through half-lidded eyes.

�What did you do to him?!� he accused, but the boy only sputtered.

Kevin pressed his fingers against Duo�s neck and paled. He turned his head to look at the sputtering boy, holding Duo close.

�Call an ambulance, now!� he demanded.

�Aw, he fakin�,� the boy protested in a grumble.

�You stupid shit, if you don�t go tell Father to get an ambulance here, right now, I�m going to beat you bloody, you understand me?!� Kevin roared, reminding Duo of a male lion.

The kid scrambled out of the room.

�The rest of you, get out!� the teenager continued to yell and soon, the kids were flooding out, but most stayed by the door, looking in with perverse curiosity.

Kevin�s grip tightened around him and Duo could feel his cheek being pressed against Kevin�s chest. It wasn�t a bad sensation. It was warm and comforting.

�Everything�s going to be ok, Duo,� Kevin said, but he sounded frantic.

Duo wasn�t so sure that everything was going to be ok, he felt pretty sick. But, he was so tired, the lie didn�t bother him. He just wanted to sleep�
*****
Helen stopped crying after a half an hour of sitting in the hard, plastic chairs of the hospital�s emergency care waiting room, but somehow, not crying and just sitting in silence was even worse. She felt a dark weight settling inside of her, imagining all sorts of terrible things. Father Maxwell and Kevin sat just as silently next to her, not even reading a newspaper. None of them could. A distraction was impossible right now and all either of them could do was watch the double doors where, somewhere beyond them, Duo was being worked on. What that meant exactly, she had no idea. No doctor had come out yet to tell them what was wrong. They didn�t even know what had happened. All they knew was what Kevin had seen, that some of the kids had played a nasty trick on Duo and when Kevin had gotten there, Duo�s heart hadn�t been beating. Next to Father Maxwell, Kevin started to tap a pencil against his thigh anxiously.

Helen felt another sniffle threaten to leave her. None of this made any sense. Duo was just six years old, how could his heart just� stop? She had spent the last thirty minutes alternating between the disbelief, her tears, and praying to God that there was some mistake, that Duo had just fainted and Kevin had been wrong. But if that was the case, then why were the doctors taking so long to tell them anything? Were they even trying to help Duo or, like that other doctor, were delaying care just because he was a charity case?

The only good thing that had come out of this was when she had told a nurse about Duo�s dizzy spells and stomachaches, how he fell sometimes and the pains he would get in his chest. She had expected the nurse to brush her off, like the doctors in the free clinic, but the woman had nodded, all business, and had told her that she would tell Duo�s doctor and he would run some tests. �He would run some tests� was starting to become her favorite sentence. God must have heard her anguish and tiredness with waiting because the doors finally swung open and a doctor strode up to them, a serious, but not grim, look on his face. Helen was relieved to see that it wasn�t the doctor who had treated Duo when the police had brought him here.

�Father Maxwell?� he asked, though Helen wasn�t sure why he was asking for clarity, Maxwell was wearing his collar and black attire and they were the only ones sitting in this small waiting room.

Maxwell nodded and the three of them stood to greet the doctor.

�Doctor Hannigan,� he greeted, �I�ll cut right to the chase. You are Duo�s guardians and are able to make medical decision for him?�

Maxwell nodded somberly, putting a hand on Kevin�s shoulder.

�His parents� they died about a week ago,� he said softly.

�Duo is stable right now, but we need to start talking about options right away,� Hannigan informed them.

Helen decided that she would like this doctor. He was brief and professional, unbiased and open with information, but he wasn�t outright cold. She felt relieved when he said that Duo was stable, even if that didn�t tell her what was wrong with him.

�What happened to him, doctor?� Maxwell pleaded, �And what did you do to fix him?�

Helen could tell that Father Maxwell was anxious that the doctor had overstepped his bounds and had performed some kind of surgery on the little boy. If it had saved his life, she was grateful, but� he was so young for that kind of thing�

�We re-started his heart with medicine and paddles,� Hannigan, trying to keep his language as dumbed down as he could, �Thankfully, surgery wasn�t necessary, but it was close.�

�You had to shock his heart?� Maxwell asked, as horrified as the nun, �I don�t understand� Duo�s just a little boy, why would that even by necessary?�

Hannigan sighed.

�It�s serious,� he confessed, �When you told us about his family history and what was going on when he had the attack, added with his heart rate when we hooked him up to a monitor, it�s obvious what was wrong, though we aren�t a hundred percent sure why� Do you know what cardiomyopathy is?�

Maxwell, Kevin, and Helen shook their heads.

�It�s a very technical term for a weak heart,� the doctor explained, �There are hundreds of ways that a heart can become weak; stress and trauma, heart disease, genetics� I doubt that a child as young as Duo has heart disease and since he has no prior incidents of cardiac stress and heart failure, I�d say that it was caused by the recent trauma he went through.�

�What does all that mean?� Maxwell asked as Helen lost the breath to say anything.

�It means,� Hannigan said with a great deal of patience, �That when faced with a great deal of stress, Duo�s heart will stop beating. The muscles that pump his heart are weak, making his pulse faint and slow. When we exert ourselves, our heart pumps faster. This is especially true when we are under emotional stress. With Duo, he has suffered such a strong trauma that he goes through stress more often and stronger than we would, but because of the weakened muscles, his heart can�t keep up and if the stress is strong enough, his heart will, for lack of a better term, shut off. He�s probably been in a state of high stress ever since his parents died. This prolonged state of emotional stress also caused prolonged physical trauma and his heart muscles atrophied little by little. This is probably why he has been weak and dizzy, his heart hasn�t been able to do its job. It�s also possible that he had this condition from birth but was never in such a traumatic state until now. Either way, it seems that the teasing his friends put him through set off an attack.�

Helen put a hand on her forehead, feeling like she was going to start crying again. Kevin was looking horrified and slightly guilty, as though he thought he should have done something earlier to stop the other children from bullying Duo.

�So�� she said in a strained voice, �You�re saying that if Duo becomes too stressed, this could happen again?�

The doctor nodded.

�It is highly possible, yes,� he handed Maxwell the clipboard that he had been holding.

Helen glanced at it, but couldn�t understand anything that was written on it.

�There are three possible treatments for Duo. I�m sorry, but it�s up to you to decide which one is best for him,� Hannigan said sadly.

�We have to�� Helen murmured and immediately felt overwhelmed.

How could they possibly make any kind of decision when she still didn�t fully understand what was going on?

�The first option is a pacemaker,� Hannigan explained what was typed on the paper that Father Maxwell was looking at, �It will do everything that Duo�s heart can�t. It can regulate his heart beat and stop him from having dizzy spells. The second is a heart transplant-,�

�Now wait a minute!� Kevin spoke up for the first time, his tone angry, �Duo is six years old! How can you suggest giving him surgery, let alone a transplant?!�

�It�s true,� Hannigan admitted, �These two options are risky. Duo is very young and he is very weak right now. I don�t recommend either of these options, but it is your decision, not mine. They are also very expensive. I understand that you both work for a charitable organization. Unfortunately, Duo doesn�t have any medical insurance right now and even if he did, since he is young and otherwise healthy, most plans wouldn�t cover this until it becomes a life or death option. You would have to pay for it out of pocket. I know this is a big shock and I don�t want to talk about money when your child is so sick, but I have to warn you that you don�t have many options right now.�

�What�s the third one?� Father Maxwell asked desperately.

�Wait,� the doctor said, �Try your hardest to keep Duo away from situations that will continue to keep him so stressed. Personally, I would limit his time with the other children if they are going to tease him like this. Also limit his time playing sports, just for a little while. Eventually, his heart will grow stronger and when he is older, surgery will be less risky. There are medicines that can help with stress, but I strongly advise you not to give him any. I know it is tempting, but before giving him anything, you absolutely must talk to me about it. Not just any doctor you know, but me specifically. A lot of anti-stress medicine lowers heart rate and since Duo�s is already so low, they will be very dangerous.�

Father Maxwell nodded and Helen felt like she was on her last little bit of strength. There was absolutely nothing that they could do for Duo? Either they put him in harm�s way with a surgery they couldn�t afford or just do nothing and hope that he would get better. Would they just have to watch him and rush him over to the hospital every time this happened?

�I�m sorry, but�� Father Maxwell sighed and signed something on the clipboard, looking sadly at Helen, �We just can�t put Duo for surgery. Forget about the cost, I won�t risk his life for any reason.�

Helen nodded, hesitant but sure. She didn�t want Duo to have the surgery, either. It might save his life in the long run, but it might also kill him now. How could anyone ask a parent to make this kind of decision? Doctor Hannigan took the clipboard from the priest.

�I know it means very little, but in my personal opinion, you are making the best choice for Duo. When he�s older, he can have the surgery then, when he�s in better health and the risk is much less,� he said.

�Please,� Sister Helen begged, �Now that we�ve made this decision, can we just take him home?�

Doctor Hannigan touched her arm lightly and she should have been annoyed by the pity in his eyes, but it was somewhat comforting.

�Let him sleep a few hours,� the doctor said softly, �He�s still very weak, give him a little while to settle, then you can take him home. You have a lot to explain to him.�
*****
Duo was sleepy. He didn�t know why, he slept a bit at the hospital, though it was dark outside, so he didn�t think he should be sleepy. His chest felt funny, too, like how his legs felt if he had been running for a long while. It was weird, waking up in the hospital, but it was better than waking up in the room with the other kids. They put all the lights on, there were no shadows and best of all, no closets. Kevin and Father and Sister had been sitting near his bed, waiting for him to wake up. He was scared at first, thinking that maybe his daddy had killed him after all and maybe this was heaven or something. Then, Kevin explained that the kids had just been playing a mean joke on him. His daddy wasn�t really in the upstairs closet, they were just being dumb.

He guessed that made sense. If his daddy really wanted to kill him, and he was dead, why would he be in a closet? If he was a ghost, he could go anywhere and do anything and if he couldn�t, wouldn�t he be back at him, in his old bedroom? That the other kids hated him so much, they didn�t care if they hurt him made him really sad, but at least Kevin didn�t think he was a baby for his heart stopping. Sister Helen tried to explain it to him, that he had a bad heart, and he had to stop being anxious about everything, but he didn�t understand any of it, just that he was a freak. A freak with a heart that wasn�t good enough.

He told her that he didn�t get it and thought she would be mad at him. His daddy got really, really mad when he tried to explain something to Duo, but Duo didn�t understand it. He�d call him retard and say that they should have gotten a dog instead of him, that the dog would be smarter. But Sister Helen didn�t get mad or call him stupid. She got Father Maxwell to drive to the candy store and the two of them left him and Kevin in the car. Kevin kept apologizing for what the other kids did, which was weird, because Kevin wasn�t the one who did it. He told Kevin that, but Kevin just got a weird look, like he was going to cry or something. When Sister and Father came back, they gave him a bar of chocolate filled with gooey caramel, the good kind, not the kind that was hard and waxy and chewy instead of dripping.

When they got back to the church, Sister Helen let him eat his chocolate and watch the television. This time, there was a cartoon with yellow people on it that was pretty funny. All the other kids were in bed and Duo was glad, though the bigger kids didn�t have to be in bed for another hour. Duo thought that they were hiding from Father Maxwell and Sister Helen, �cause whenever Kevin talked about what the kids did, they looked really, really mad.

Helen watched Duo sit down on the old coach, enjoying the chocolate she had picked for him and smiled. He didn�t look like he had just had heart failure. He was a bit paler than usual, a little bit tired and slow moving, but that was all. Anxiety tore at her. Just what were they supposed to do to prevent another attack? Lock him away from the world forever? He kicked his legs back and forth, making little content noises as he licked the chocolate. He was adorable, though quiet, and she felt anger towards the other orphans for being so cruel to him, as well as inadequate to protect him from his own poor health. Father Maxwell patted her shoulder and she followed him into the kitchen as Kevin sat down next to Duo, trusting him to yell for them if they were needed.

�What do you want to do?� she asked, at a complete loss.

�I think we should take the doctor�s advice,� he said, �We have another bedroom, we should move him into there. Being with the other kids is just too stressful for him right now. They resent him because he�s younger and more adoptable than they are. It�s a toxic situation for everyone. And you know how nervous he gets when he�s surrounded by people, not to mention the dark. I think if he has his own space, he�ll be less anxious. I�ll buy him a nightlight tomorrow.�

Helen looked heartbroken as she suddenly realized something.

�What are we going to do about adoption?� she asked frantically, �With Duo�s heart� no one is going to want to adopt him. Should we really put him through that, make him hope that he is going to have a loving family, only to be rejected over and over again?�

�It will be too painful for him,� Maxwell agreed.

�We could adopt him,� Helen said forcefully.

The priest stared at her in shock. Hundreds of children had come through these walls since Sister Helen had started working here. This was the first time the motherly woman had ever even suggested such a thing.

�Abby�� he murmured.

�I�ll take care of Duo, for the rest of his life if I have to,� she vowed, �He needs a mother and a stable home. What if he is adopted, will they even understand his problems?�

Maxwell sighed.

�Abby, I know he�s special to you and I know you�re prepared to do what you have to, but what if he never gets better?� he asked.

�Whatever it takes,� she said, �I�ll make him comfortable and make him understand that he is loved.�

�Alright,� Maxwell agreed, �But wait a few months, ok, just see how he adjusts.�

She nodded, already making plans for Duo. The six year old had only been here for a week, but she felt maternal towards him after everything he had gone through and she wanted to make sure that he lived a full life and put his terrible past behind him.

�I don�t think he should go to public school yet, either,� she told Maxwell, �He had an attack just with the children who lived here. What will happen when he�s with hundreds of children? I just can�t risk it. I�ll home school him.�

�Alright,� Maxwell soothed.

The two of them heard small pattering sounds as it started to pour rain outside. The sound of it made Helen feel anxious and sad as she quickly began to doubt herself. Could she really raise a child in this place?
*****
Duo stared up at his father, trying to pick out the things about him that could have meant he was alive, even though he knew that he wasn�t. His daddy didn�t look like how his mommy had looked. He was pale, his neck at a strange angle as he hung by the rope that was wrapped around his neck, tied to the fan on the ceiling. There was a chair toppled over on the floor. His daddy�s eyes were half-lidded and if Duo looked at him from a certain angle, it was like he was still alive. It was like he was staring at him, watching him and examining him just like Duo was doing. At that thought, he heard the rope creak. His daddy�s eyes opened a little bit more, his eyes pale and glassy, the eyes of a doll. The rope snapped and his father fell, but instead of collapsing in a heap, he balanced on his feet and walked slowly to where Duo was sitting, his feet bare. Duo wanted to run, but he was paralyzed, frozen where he sat. Suddenly, his father�s hand shot forward and sunk into Duo�s chest. Duo felt its icy, cold deadness wrapping around his heart. It squeezed hard and pulled. His dad grinned at him, in the cruel way he often had when he hurt Duo in the past. Duo felt the cold that he was sure his father felt as his heart was ripped from his chest.
　

　

Duo woke up, breathing in harsh gasps and sat up quickly. He put his hands on his chest, feeling his heart beating wildly, but there was no arm extruding there. It didn�t make him feel better. He shivered, not recognizing the room he was in. He knew that it was the room Sister Helen had moved him into, but he wasn�t used to it yet. He liked it, though. It was better than the big room with the other kids. Sister Helen had opened the closet and turned the light on in there and seeing it now was comforting, but it also reminded him of how pathetic he was, that he couldn�t even look at a dark closet. His chest tightened, making him think of the nightmare and the hand wrapped around his heart.
�Family is the most important thing, Duo. Without it, a man shrivels up into nothing.�

Tears pricked at Duo�s eyes and he hugged Teddy and grabbed his starfish tightly. His daddy wasn�t ever going to leave him alone, because� because it was all his fault. That was why his heart was bad. Helen said that God rewarded people when they were good and punished them when they were bad. He was bad and God was punishing him, making him dream bad things and making his heart go bad. He was punishing him because he took his daddy�s family away from him. He made his daddy shrivel up into nothing. That was why his daddy killed himself. Because of him. He was the bad one. His daddy had hit him and his mommy and he had killed her, but that was because Duo had tried to go away from him. His mommy and daddy and Solo shouldn�t have been punished and hurt, he realized as he cried into his starfish.

Duo should have.
　

End Prologue
　

Pikeebo: Wow, a review already, I�m impressed! There are definitely going to be some slight changes in Heero and Quatre�s characters. They�re still the �masters� in the relationship, but I�m hoping to make them not as� um� assholic? Twisted, but not as sociopath-like. But, they�re still very predatory. On the other end, Duo falling into this master/slave relationship with the two of them, parallel to his father�s controlling and abusive relationship, is right at the heart of this story.
And no, I�m not saying that you have to have been abused to like BDSM. BDSM isn�t about violence, it�s about trust. So, the first half of this story has little to do with the fundamentals of BDSM and more about the actual sexual activities as Duo starts to do some sexuality searching. I wrote this story because I thought the psychology behind it was interesting and used BDSM as a back drop.
Now, the main differences between this version and the originals version (for those thinking about reading it) is that Duo�s character�s hair turns white from the trauma of his parents dying and the brothers are actually identical twins. This added some more depth to the story that won�t be in the GW version, obviously, and I�m still trying to find my way around these crucial plot points.
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Violence plus Sex equals Love (remake)