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Lonely Desire	By : Petya Category: Gundam (all others) > General Views: 12076 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the Gundam series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 19
- 20
Pairings: Athrun x Kira, some minor Dearka x
Yzak

Disclaimer: Don�t own Gundam SEED /
Destiny, only borrowing the characters and the universe for this fic.

Warning: NC-17, but this chapter is
safe.

Comments: Yeah, after five months I finally finished chapter twenty. I am afraid
to promise that chapter twenty-one would come soon, 'cause that seems to ensure
it wouldn't happen.

Special thanks to: Mat for the editing.

Chapter
TWENTY

A
House of Cards

Rey approached the desk and stood to attention.
Then he placed an envelope before his superior. He was glad that he could relay
a good news after two weeks of confusion. The object
was definitely a strange person. No one would have expected someone like him to
act as he had. In the three weeks after he had changed residence he had acted
completely illogically. And those strange disappearances in the last fortnight
had made Shinn and him look like incompetent fools instead of the well-trained
elites they deemed themselves to be. thankfully that
they had managed to solve the mystery.

"We managed to trace him at last." He
said. "The reason for our difficulties is here. He gestured towards the
thick envelope.

Gilbert Dullindal
opened it and retrieved the bunch of photos that were inside. He carefully
examined each one of them, his face completely blank. When he finished he
placed them back and allowed a small smile to creep on his face.

"Well done, Rey.
I expect that you and Shinn will continue to do you job just as well."

Seeing the reaction of his commanding officer, Rey decided that probably Dullindal
could explain the content of the photos. "Sir, may I ask a question?"

"You just did."� The fact that he was joking led the blond to
believe that maybe some light would be shed to the strange case they were
working on for the last half year. "But, I would allow you to ask one
more."

"Sir, do you happen to have a guess on the
content of the pictures?"

The only change in the expression of his
Commander that Rey noticed was a slight spark in his
eyes, but that had been for less than a second.

"I have a very good idea." was the
only answer the blond boy received. "You are dismissed.

The young officer couldn't defy the concealed
order to leave and obliged.

Back in the room Gilbert Dullindal
placed his elbows on his desk and rest his chin on his
interlaced fingers. He would have to tell the boys about Kira
Yamato's pregnancy. But not just yet.

Lacus sipped from her tea and carefully laid
the cup on the plate in her other hand. She took extra care in placing those on
the table, the whole time looking transfixed in the amber liquid as if she
could find the answers to the questions that bugged her in those depths.

Okina Raniya was patiently
waiting for the girl to state the reason for her unexpected visit. While in the
last two months the songstress had become a frequent visitor, she rarely came
without calling first and never before 5 pm as her lessons took most of her
day. Yet now the pink-haired Coordinator sat before her showing rare signs of
worry and being unable to voice her concerns.

Then as if coming to some decision or just
having gathered her courage Lacus spoke:

"Is Kira all
right?" Her eyes held Raniya's gaze and seemed to
probe for an answer. "He's changed so much." The latter was said in a
whisper and sounded more like an afterthought than an actual part of her
previous words.

Yet it got the older woman surprised. She had
not known the boy before his rather sudden moving into her home. And for the
few months that he had lived with her he had seemed the same, plus neither of
the two women who had know him earlier had commented on changes, and now�

"Changed as�?" She inquired.

"Well if I have to be honest I had not
initially noticed all those changes. They came slowly and since I didn't get to
spend a lot of time with him I might have missed them for quite some time, but
a few days back I happened to meet Athrun and a
comment he made kind of triggered my attention." The girl paused as if to
put her thoughts in order and continued. "He almost doesn't speak, Kira I mean. While he has always been calm and introvert,
now he rarely utters a word at all. And his 'Athrun
issue'� doesn't seem to get resolved. He never watches the news," again
this sounded as if it was said more to herself than to the other woman, "probably
because they show Cagalli a lot and he is always by her side. He doesn't
read newspapers. He has closed himself from the world�, and from us." She
paused and her thoughts flew back in time.

Lacus remembered it still. She had not been thoroughly
convinced why exactly she should not mention anything of Athrun
or Cagalli around Kira, but
since she was asked she had decided she would simply comply. And then on the
very next day after she had found out something was wrong with the brunet that had happened and while she didn't
understand more than she had before, she fully realized just how serious and
important it was to keep Kira away from some parts of
reality and his past�

* flashback *

They
were returning from the bank since her friend had insisted this should not be
postponed even for a minute more than what was absolutely necessary. As she
parked the car in front of the door of his temporary home and while Kira undid his seat-belt she turned to him and sternly
asked. "Now you are going straight to bed as you promised, right, Kira?"

She
got no other answer except the car-door opening and then closing.

A bit
irritated, she demanded. "Right?!"

He
just looked silently at her and then said. "Un.
Right after I call my parents and tell them I'm fine."

She
nodded in agreement.

The
conversation was short. Kira filtered the phone-line
through his laptop to conceal the number and briefly informed his parents he
was temporarily leaving ORB. He insisted he was fine and made them promise that
they would tell no one, absolutely no
one, that he had called or he would not contact them again till his return.
Put that way they had little choice but to comply.

Then
he promptly fulfilled his promise to go to bed and stay there for at least 48
hours or suffer the consequences. He sat on the bed and Lacus approached the
closet in his room to pass him some clothes he would feel comfortable to lie
in. She had gone the night before, packed some clothes and done everything Kira had put on a ridiculously long and detailed list. She
had also brought his laptop and Tori. Why on earth would
anything to do with Athrun be forbidden if he had no
trouble with the one thing in his life that epitomized his lover was beyond
her.

Lacus
dug in the closet, grabbed the first shirt in reach
and threw it at Kira who was taking off his clothes.
She proceeded to get some shorts when she heard him panting and turned to see
what was going on�

And
there he was. Clutching his midriff, pain all over his face and his eyes open
wide and fixed on the t-shirt that lay inconspicuously on the bed. He was
hyperventilating.

The
pink-haired Coordinator stood ground to the floor for what seemed like an
eternity. Yet mere seconds later she shouted for help. Raniya
came in running and seeing what was going on hastily injected Kira with something that relaxed him and he fell asleep.
Lacus could do nothing but stare in shock and confusion. She couldn't for the
life of her figure what had happened. The doctor however took the shirt and
removed it then she carefully examined the brunet and dressed him in another
shirt. After the boy was safely tugged in the bed the two women went to the
living room.

"What
happened there? I didn't expect his condition to be that serious�" Lacus
worriedly inquired.

"I
can only guess that to him this shirt has some connection to Athrun Zala, that was the name of his partner, right?"

"Yes,"
the songstress answered, "but why? And if his condition is that dire, would
he make it for the five or six months till the operation?"

"Neither
I, nor Erica Simmons have any idea why this occurs,
but it does. So when we warned you that nothing which has anything to do with
his sister or lover should be brought up, it was exactly
for this reason. And yes, the operation should be performed in due time, now it
won't have the required effect." Lacus' face betrayed her curiosity and
desire to ask further questions, but got no chance. Raniya
calmly interlaced her fingers and added. "Don't ask. This is something
that we don't know enough about, and besides it is among the questions that
should not be asked and would not get answers."

* end of flashback *

Lacus still feared that Kira's
health might suddenly worsen and the changes that Athrun's
words had made her notice were causing her to worry.

A hand touched her forearm and brought her back
into reality. "So, is it his silence that has you worried? Is this that
what his friend commented about?"

Lacus shook her head negatively.

"No. Athrun was
staring at a picture of Kira and commented on his
funny dress habits. We all used to bug him about his love for buckets and
belts. It kind of clashed with his calm and silent nature. Yet lately he would
only wear baggy clothes. Almost as if he is trying to drown in them," she
paused fro better wording, �even hide in them.� She also wondered why she had
not noticed it on her own, but kept that part of her thoughts for herself. She
kept a lot of things for herself lately. And it made her feel bad. She hid
things from Athrun and Cagalli.
She kept things from her teachers in the hospital. She had to constantly mind
her words in front of Kira. She had not been so alone
in her thoughts even during the war. She had people she could trust and confide
in back then. She felt lonely now, dispatched from the others. But that was
hardly the moment to revel in those thoughts. "But that is not so
important. It's not even about his silence. He has retreated to himself on
other occasions. No, what has me worried is his physical appearance." She
stopped to think how to explain the small things that just seemed out of place.

"What about his physical appearance makes
you worry?" Okina Raniya
had wondered how long would it take the girl to see what was already becoming
rather obvious.

"I don't know. If I have to be honest, he
looks fine. Somehow, even better that before, I can't explain how though. I
noticed that his skin looks better and his hair is a bit shinier. Yet he has
put on weight, especially around the waistline, otherwise he just looks
healthier. I don't say he is getting fat, though," she added hastily, then
realized she was starting to chatter and stopped.

Lacus waited for some comment or explanation
but none came. So she decided she would ask straight away. "Is something
wrong with him?" When no answer came she insisted. "What is going on
with him? Is it his illness?"

The doctor looked her in the eye and calmly
answered. "You know that anything to do with his condition is considered a
forbidden topic. So don't expect to get any answer form me or from Erica. But I
won't stop you if you decide to ask Kira-kun. Just
remember not to mention his sister and Athrun Zala.

"OK, I'll ask him. Is he in his room?"
the Coordinator stood and headed for the door but was brought back by the other
woman's next words.

"No, he is not. He's gone for one of his
walks. Again." Okina Raniya ruffled her hair in a rare exhibition of nerves.
"I am really starting to hate those. He goes away for hours. He doesn't say
where he goes."

Lacus nodded absently and added "Yes and
it proved impossible to follow him too.� And with her experience of hiding she
knew most of the techniques, so she should have been able to do it. After a
week of futile attempts she just gave up. It was more than obvious Kira didn't want to be followed. �This is something else
that has changed about him. He has always loved to stroll to clear his head,
but before he would tell people where he was going." She sat again. "When
did he leave?"

"You just missed him. I guess he'll be
back in an hour, an hour and a half at most." The doctor replied. "If he takes his usual time."

"I'll wait for him here, if you don't
mind."

"No," The older woman smiled and
waved her hand in invitation. "Feel at home. I'd love some company."

Sixty-eight days. Athrun
stared at the calendar. Sixty-eight days since Kira
had disappeared. A hundred and six days since he had last seen him. And one hundred and seventeen days since they had made love.
Sometimes he wondered if he was masochistic to keep track and be so stuck up in
the past. But then again he didn't really have anything in the present that was
worth caring for. Well, he had his friends, and they should have been a reason
enough but they were not. For him it had always been all about Kira. And ever since meeting him again in the war it had
been even more so.

So now he felt like something that had somehow
kept his world sane and upright was taken away from him. And he had lost his
balance.

All he did every single day was wake up, if he
slept at all, to go to Kira's place and find it empty
once again. Then to just bear the day, dragging along as he concentrated
on his job to keep himself distracted. It didn't work that well, but the
small problems that occurred sometimes made him forget his heartache for a
minute. �If they proved tricky enough.

He had replayed that fateful recording so many
times that he could see it in his mind's eye now. He had examined every
expression on his beloved's face and had learned every gesture. And every time
it made him feel both happy and angry.

Happy, because it was Kira,
his love, there and angry, that things had developed as they had. And he tried
to keep his hopes alive. To believe that the next day would be the one when the
most important person in his life would come back to him. Only to have his
hopes crushed. And slowly he was starting to give up. Consciously he knew that
he should get his act together, but on some level he just couldn't muster the
internal strength or will for that.

He knew his friends were not fooled by his façade
but was grateful they didn't push him. The other people knew nothing.

He had done things he was not proud of, but
desperate times called for desperate measures. He had hacked into ORB's personal files in search for all Ai's and there had
been a few of them. He had managed to locate the one he needed checking the
pictures of the women only to find that her file was practically empty. And the
person who had done that had left the file just to verify the person existed
but everything else was classified as secret of highest level. When he had
broken through, the information was actually gone � no address, no parents'
names and no birth place. It was meant to be obvious that it was missing on purpose.

The blue-haired Coordinator didn't need to
wonder to know who had done it. Kira had written most
of the state software and even Athrun had had some
problems to hack his way into it. Nothing he could think of had brought
results. No dental or medical record. No school record, no diploma registered
to the girl, no credit cards or bank accounts, nothing. Kira
had made sure he had it all covered. Nothing surprising here, his beloved had
always been a genius with computers.

The green-eyed man had tried to follow Kira's credit cards and bank accounts to find those cleared.
And what had worried him more, was that even the trust-fund which Cagalli had made for him, the same Kira
had practically vowed he wouldn't touch, was empty as well. It all pointed to
one thing � his beloved had gone away, probably permanently. And he had made
sure that he wouldn't be located.

Athrun had asked the brunet's parents but they had
also claimed that he hadn't called. And they seemed worried enough to trust
them. He had left them after they had said they'd tell him should they find
something out.

He had tried to confide in Lacus, but she had
for some reason picked up nursing courses and spent very little time with him
or the others. And even then it seemed like she didn't feel comfortable in
their company.

Athrun felt empty. Worse then what he had felt after
the war. At least then he had had Kira's presence to
make him want to work things out. The only feeling that compared to his current
state was when he had been in the hospital, by Kira's
sickbed hoping that his beloved won't leave him alone on the world. Now he
simply existed with the ever diminishing hope that his beloved would come back.

"It's been two months already, why is he
still not calling or coming home?" Yzak asked
the two other people in the room. He, Dearka and Cagalli were in the Natural's apartment at the Palace
discussing the thing that had them most worried � Athrun's
condition.

While most people would not have noticed it, Athrun was not well at all. Oh, of course he did all his
work and he never looked out of it or act strange, but they all saw the signs
that indicated he was not well at all. He had dark circles around his eyes that
indicated he was not sleeping well. He had lost some weight, not much but
enough to make him look haunted. And he rarely smiled, unless he was watching
pictures of Kira or was talking about their
childhood.

He was drowning and they were helpless. Lacus
was not there for him. She tried but her schedule seemed to be so full that she
barely had time to meet anyone.

The once happy and united company was falling
apart and those three felt impotent to change anything, the only one who had
the power to bring the pieces back together was missing.

Kira opened the door and stood at the door step. The enormous studio type
apartment was full of women. Pregnant women! Women with babies! It was more
than just a bit unsettling. By instinct he took a step back and stepped on
someone's foot. He jerked his own away and turned to see a young pregnant woman
looking at him. She was not beautiful, but very cute with her childish face
dusted with freckles. She cocked her head to the left, smiled at him and asked.

"First-timer?" She pointed a finger towards the room to
illustrate her words.

The brunet nodded embarrassed and smiled in
apologize.

The woman extended a hand at him and presented
herself. "Hi, I am Ryona. And you?"

Kira shook her hand but at the mean time his left one flew to his neck and
he padded it while shaking his head. He saw the moment when understanding
sparkled in her brown eyes.

"You can't speak?" She said it as
something between a statement and a question.

He nodded, but lightly touched her hand to
indicate that he didn't need to be pitied.

She dropped the topic.

Kira dug in his pocket and retrieved a notebook. 'Ai' he wrote and turned it for Ryona to read.

"Oh, hi, Ai. Nice to meet you."
She flashed him with another smile. "How far along are you?"

'19
weeks'

"Me, I am 24 weeks, boy. Do you know the
gender, they should be able to determine by now?"

The brunet shook his head 'no'.

"Did you want to know?"

Kira considered for a bit and wrote 'Never gave it a thought, healthy would be
enough.'

"And the father, what
about him?"

The woman beside her stiffened and Ryona knew she had asked the wrong question.

'No
father!'

The exclamation mark, the slightly sloppy
handwriting and the cold demeanor told her the topic was closed. She decided to
relax the atmosphere.

"So, are you ready to step in? Or should we continue to occupy the
entrance so that nobody walks in or out?" she joked and was glad to notice
the immediate relaxation of Ai.

Kira dared another look around the room behind and still felt insecure. A
quick glance at a mirror that reflected a better part of him showed that he
hardly had a reason to worry. Plus he was well used to dressing in female
clothing by now. He swallowed and then made the fateful step towards the room.

Ryona walked in beside him.

"Hi, girls, look I bring you a new future
mommy here." All heads turned in their direction and a few hands waved in
greeting. "Here, Ai, sit down and I'll present you to the ladies."

The brunet sat tentatively at the end of the
sofa, but found it was rather uncomfortable for his belly and settled a bit
further into the moderately soft piece of furniture. He was grateful it was not
one of those soft things that one could almost sink into,
they had proved to be really bad for his condition. But with so many others in
the same situation, he guessed they knew what would be best.

He scooped around the room at the women who
were now looking at him. He hoped he had not let some minor detail slip from
his attention. His hand flew towards the wig on his head to determine it was on
its place and hoped the others would think it was a gesture of vanity. It felt OK.
A glance at his breasts showed no problems there too. Plus no one had shouted 'Hey, look she is a HE!' so he relaxed a
little.

"Ai," the brunet lifted his head at Ryona, "let me introduce to you a part of our
community. Here's�"

Kira was surprised that the women here were
presented in a rather strange fashion � by personal name, term of pregnancy (or
if the woman had already given birth � the age of her baby, or both if she had
a second/third on the way) an the gender of her offspring, future and/or
present.

The women talked all the time and he shied
away, but they found a thousand ways to include him into their conversations
and he found himself enjoying being among them. He did blush a little when one
of them opened her cleavage and breastfed her baby but managed to divert his
attention.

By the time he looked at his clock it was long
after his usual two hours outside. He could only guess that everyone would be
worried sick for him, but it had been the best time he had had since the incident.

On the way home while he slowly walked the back
streets � he took those since that way he didn't get to see the big TV screens
that broadcasted the news and the government's announcements or the newspapers
on the kiosks � Kira thought that he would be happy
to continue going to those meetings. He felt good among others in his condition
or as close to his condition as it was possible.

He had progressed a
fair bit since his moving in with Okina Raniya. He was able to think of Athrun
now without getting strange reactions, but he had kept it to himself. It was
easier like that, since they might try to talk him into meeting him or Cagalli and he just didn't want to talk about them. He
didn't think he would be able to hold his anger and grief if he was forced to
converse about his beloved.

It hurt him a lot. He had thought that he would
be able to accept that Athrun was actually in love
with his sister and then move on, letting them be happy together, but he
couldn't let go. He still loved him. And even thought he had not received any
promises from the blue-haired boy, he couldn't help but feel betrayed. So in
the end he took the path of the least resistance � the denial path. He
preferred to pretend life was just about him and his baby. His hands lovingly
caressed his belly as he approached his current home.

Rey had gone to report and bring the new bunch of
photos to Gilbert Dullindal. Shinn had wanted to do
it, but the boy had never been a patient one and that mixed with current curiousity was an explosive mix. So he had remained on
duty. He didn't get why he had to follow every step of Yamato. He was actually
one of habits and his daily routine was rather predictable. But he didn't dare
disregard an order.

Currently he was waiting to his partner to
return and hopefully tell him something that would shed light on the strange
dressing code of the object.

He was however disappointed as his questions
once again remained unanswered.

"Rey, he is a
nutcase. I mean, I know there are those men who enjoy dressing up as women, but
to go as far as posing as a pregnant
woman is rather extreme." He paced as he talked. "And don't tell me
you don't find all this absolutely freaky."

"Shinn, behave!" Rey
was calm as always. Really, someone had to be. "When will you learn to do
what you are commanded without trying to second-guess your orders? This will
lead you into trouble some day."

"I am talking to you, not to the
Commander. Can't I at least ask you?"

The blond sighed and then took a deep breath to
calm himself or he might snap at the black-haired
Coordinator.

"Look, Shinn, we are asked to appear
before Gilbert Dullindal tomorrow at 10:00, you might
get some answers then, or ask if you think that you have the right to. But let
me be for now. I really don't care about the strange kinks that Kira Yamato has. I have to track him, not act as his shrink.
He could walk naked for all I care, as long as he doesn't pull another
disappearing trick on me I wouldn't mind it one bit."

Shinn rest his case. It was really unnerving
how calm and composed his partner was managing to be.

On the following day however he learned the
answer to his question, though he had never expected it to be anything like
that.

When Kira opened the
door he was greeted by a rather angry Lacus and the reprimanding gaze of Okina Raniya. He didn't know
which one was worse. But he just ignored both of them and went to his room. Tori cheered him with enthusiastic chirping and landed on
his shoulder.

Lacus wouldn't have it that way and followed
him.

"What is going on, Kira?"
She said as she entered and closed the door behind herself with a determined
click.

"Nothing really. I just walked around and lost track of
time." He didn't really believe this would do, but he gave it a try just
in case. His friend's facial expression told him she was not buying it.

"I know something's wrong with you. If you
don't tell me on your own, I'll drag it out of you." Her calm and composed
tone more than anything told him that he will be answering to a lot of
questions before she let him be.

"I guess I am just rather restless since I
am kind of confined here till the operation. By the way how are your studies
going?" He knew that was a lame attempt to change the topic, but he didn't
feel ready to tell the songstress what was really going on. Even if he realized
that the evidence of his 'condition' was getting more and more obvious by the
day.

"Won't work! I'm doing fine. And we are talking about you
here."

Kira sighed in defeat, but still said nothing
hoping that Lacus would drop the issue. Yet deep down he knew she wouldn't.

"Tell me, where were you. And where do you
go every day?" She didn't fold her arms but she could as well have. Her
words indicated that if she was the type to resort to such gestures she would
be in that pose already.

"I usually go to a park, but I today I
joined a group of people who have the same interests as me." He answered
honestly but avoided her gaze by looking at his slightly trembling hands. He
could feel that it was time for her to learn the whole truth. It was getting
harder and harder to keep his belly from her and he could just as well get over
with it. She had proved that he could trust her. She had done so a long time
ago. If he had to be honest to himself the reason he didn't want to tell her
till now had much more to do with his own insecurities. He didn't want her to
know what kind of a genetic freak he was. He was afraid she might pity him and
that was the last thing he needed.

When he lifted his head he saw that she was
watching him with an expression of patience that said that she would listen to
him, no matter what he said and how long he took.

And then something in him broke. A dam that had
held so much for so long finally gave away and he suddenly felt an inexplicable
urge to actually share with her. She could actually understand. He moved to sit
on his bed and gestured for Lacus to join him.

Her eyes examined him and she sat turning her
upper body so that she would face him but kept her silence waiting for him to
speak. He loved her for that, for her endless ability to know just how to act
with him to make him feel better. In such moments he felt sorry he never
learned to love her as a woman. But she had come to his life too late, when his
heart was long since taken.

Only now did Kira
understand how Erica Simmons had felt when she had to tell him of his pregnancy.
Well, at least he had a rather obvious evidence right under his shirt.

He decided to offer his friend one last chance
to back away, before it was too late.

"Lacus," he reached and caught one of
her hands and held it firmly, "the truth you want to know would make it
harder for you. Right now you can still walk out of here never to come back and
you can even drop the nursing courses and it will be fine, as long as you keep
your promise to protect my secrets." He stared intensely in her eyes to increase
the impact of his words. "But once you hear my confession you will be
burdened with a secret that will weigh on your shoulders. One
that you'll have to keep no matter what." He squeezed her hand in
his and asked, "Are you sure you want it?"

Her eyes leveled with his and she nodded with
determination. "Speak, Kira."

He took a deep breath and opened his mouth.
"I am pre�" He couldn't say it. It just stuck in his throat and
wouldn't exit it. "I am�" His hands started to tremble and he felt
Lacus' supportive squeeze. She didn't try to pry the words out of him. She just
waited for him to say it.

Kira closed his eyes and took another deep breath. Then with his eyes still closed made it in one phrase.
"I am pregnant!"

Only then did he dare open his eyes.

Lacus stared at him with an expression Kira didn't remember ever seeing on her face before. She
didn't laugh or look as someone who doubted his sanity. She was just absolutely
stricken.

She blinked a few times and finally a smile
graced her lips. "OK, I admit it was a nice one, definitely managed to take
my attention for a second. But it is time you told me the truth, Kira. No more tricks to weasel out of telling me what's
wrong with you."

Her voice reminded him of how she had sounded
when the nuclear missiles had flown towards the PLANTs
and she had told him and Athrun that they were to not
let even one strike their target.

He sighed. He had not really expected it to be
easy. After all, how could he expect her to believe him if he
had had troubles himself.

He took one of her hands and spoke again.
"Lacus," his eyes looked intently at hers as he moved her hand
towards his belly. "I am pregnant." He let her hand land on the swell
in his midsection and heard her gasp as well as felt her involuntary jerk back.

She quickly composed herself.

"I don't understand." She spoke the
words slowly as if unsure of her abilities to voice her thoughts. She reached
and lifted his shirt to stare at the flesh below. She fixed the lump where his
child resided and her fingers carefully reached for it. Short of touching she
looked at him and asked "May I?" As she got an approving nod she
touched the stretched skin and moved her hand over it.

Her mind tried to wrap itself around the idea.
It just didn't sum up. It didn't happen.

Then, Kira had
managed to do so many things that normally were considered impossible. And
still, this was different.

However it did make some of the things that she
had thought completely unimportant about her nursing courses suddenly make
sense. All the obstetrics she had been taught now seemed so logical, while she
had considered them pointless, considering that she was only going to assist in
Kira's operation.

All the secrecy about the procedure itself� It
all added up. Yet the most important question was still how. How was it
possible for a man to be with a child. And who�

She gasped again. Of course.
She didn't need to ask who the father was � Athrun. Most probably back then on the island. And in a swirl
everything that had happened since then started to fall into places as pieces
from a puzzle. This also explained the strong reaction Kira
had to the meeting between his sister and his beloved as well as his unusual
reactions to anything connected to them.

She braced herself. Then she collected her wits
and smiled at Kira. It took her a while to realize
that her hand was still pressed at his belly. She caressed the lump one last
time before she took it away. She couldn't resist to ask
"Does it kick already?"

He smiled and his own hands went to lie on his
belly. "Not yet, but soon."

After that they just talked. When the two
doctors joined them she got an explanation of the mechanics of Kira's pregnancy. And before she left she was told that any
of his 'crises' could lead to an abortion, and that was the reason they had to
keep a watch on their words in front of the brunet.

Lacus was having another internal battle. She
had felt bad for having to keep Kira's residence from
Athrun, but now she felt even worse. She had to keep her
ex-fiancé away from his child. Not that she really had a choice. She had
promised. She would have one more reason to avoid the green-eyed man now. It
was getting awfully difficult to watch him in the eye or see him get more and
more depressed. Sometimes she feared that he would snap and knew that if that
time came she would be forced to choose between staying loyal to her promise to
Kira and saving Athrun's
life. And she didn't want to consider whom she would decide to betray and at
what price.

A/N: Thank you all so much for your reviews and
support. And even more for your patience. I want to reassure you that I am not
dropping it. The only think that can prevent me from finishing it is (God forbid)
death.

@M: Well, Lacus knows now. :) However sometimes it
is hard to choose between two people you love and that is exactly what she is
forced to do. And the next chapter will make it even worse for her. Kira will hurt Athrun on purpose
and the unconscious retaliation would not make it easier for them to get back
together. And poor Lacus would be stuck between those two, completely unable to
do anything to help them.

@Apchi: Kira is not fragile, as you'll find out. It was something
he couldn't control, but now he is not fragile, he is more like
angry. And the result wouldn't be nice.

@mikyu: Well
part of your answer is in the reply to M, and on the other hand, I agree it is
hard for Lacus to lie to people she loves. That is why I made her distance herself
from Athun under the pressure of the secrets she has
to keep from him. Oh and in the next chapter you'll see more of Athrun's reaction to Kira and his
disappearance.

@furin-a:
Well, of� course
Kira won't go and say he got a baby with Athrun. And as far as the resemblance of the baby to Athrun in particular (if it takes after Kira
it would hardly be a surprise, now would it? ;)), don't forget that right after
the birth babies are rather similar and it is hard to tell which parent they
taker after the most. Even their eye-colour is still
unclear. And I refuse to say more.

@fayeS: Thank you so very much. I hope the further developments
won't disappoint you.
- 19
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Lonely Desire