Better Living Through Alchemy

Roy Mustang, General by trade, Casanova by reputation, stood with his hands on his hips and surveyed his temporary domain. It was quite scenic and tranquil, a lush and tree draped vista, with a view of a sparkling lake just in the distance. He took a deep breath and counted himself healthier for it, he turned to grin at his companion, his paramour, his lover, (of whom he intended to take full advantage these scant two weeks away from the world) and cocked an eyebrow.

The gesture said: 'Well, haven't I outdone myself? It's this all I said it would be and more? Aren't you pleased that I would bring you to such a dazzling and overwhelming place of peace and harmony?'

“When are we going to see the inside of this cabin?” the focus of his affections said. “You just going to stand out here on the porch all day? I'm starving, I hope that rinky dink tavern we saw out on the main road serves dinner.”

Roy's eyebrow took a quick side trip back to it's original position and his mouth flattened out.

“Ed,” he complained. “Look at the view! Just look at it! You can see clear down to the lake from here. Look at the trees, all the... wilderness around. Ah! Look, is that a squirrel?”

Ed stared at him blankly for a moment.

“Gee, I don't know. You're the expert since you were so sure we had them in the attic at home last fall. You were really intrepid to go up there with a flash light and I'm sure I only heard you scream like a girl once.”

“You know, there's no need for you to be so pissy because I wouldn't let you drive the convertible roadster. It is rented you know, and all you've ever done is drive into a house.”

Ed almost bared his teeth, but he caught himself at the last moment. They stood for a moment, eyebrows twitching and Ed conceded. After all, this was a vacation, something that they'd never done together. He shouldn't be trying to pick a fight, at least not on the first night.

So, to oblige he took a deep breath and turned to look at the lake. Ok, so it was pretty, but he wasn't going to go spouting that off, because that would make Roy smug again. Not that smug was a bad thing with Roy, per se, it made sex really good at times.

“It's great, isn't it?” there was no smugness in the tone, or arch of eyebrow when the General looked his way.

Defeated again.

“Yeah,” Ed said with a casual shrug of his shoulders. “It's really nice.”

The General's smile was warm and pleased and Ed got a little feeling in his stomach that wasn't so bad.

“Let's see inside the cabin,” Roy said, fishing the keys out of his pocket. “It's suppose to be the nicest on the property.”

Ed was all for that, he went back and grabbed the suitcases from the end of the porch and came over, almost eagerly pressing against Roy's back as Roy worked the lock.

The cabin opened into the main room, it's was large and airy with a high ceiling. To one end stood a rustic, stone fireplace, at the other was a bed. Ed let the suitcases drop and cocked his head at it a little. It was a funny sort of bed, almost round and mounded so high with pillows that you almost couldn't see the mattress at all. The rest of the main room was almost as plush, large cushions were in overstuffed chairs. A rug that looked like it once belong to some mythical bear from the Isle of Overly Fluffy Angora Animals, was stretched between them in front of the fireplace.

Ed turned toward the General slowly and started to open his mouth, but his eyes fell on another room decoration that he found he wasn't opposed to at all. A large fruit basket was sitting on one of the tables by the bed. That made up, in Ed's opinion, for the ridiculous lavishness of a cabin, in the woods on a lake for pete's sake. He stepped around Roy and headed over, sat down on the side of the bed and caused a small pillow-lanche that threatened to bury him.

“Hey, there's a card on this basket,” Edward plucked out the small envelope. “Who would send us fruit? I thought you said you didn't tell anyone but Al where were were going because Al could stand up to torture.”

“I didn't,” Roy said, picking up the suitcases and heading for a doorway off the main room. “I think it just came complimentary, with the cabin.”

Ed read the card, he flipped it over, then back and read it again. He held it up as if he were looking for some secret code in the very paper itself. He sniffed it, he looked slowly around the room, and then he looked at Roy.

Roy raised his eyebrow.

“It says,” Ed growled slowly, “congratulations newlyweds.”

“Well, fancy that,” the General said and turned away quickly, yanked the doorway open, shoving the suitcases in.

“I'm outta here,” Ed leaped to his feet, throwing the little card to the floor. “I don't know what you think you're trying to pull but I ain't having no part of it! Newlyweds!” Ed snorted. “Do I look like a blushing bride to you?!”

“I wanted you to have the best,” Roy cried, spreading his arms. “This was the best cabin on the lake! It has it's own bathroom!” Roy waved his hands toward another door. “All the other ones share public showers and toilets! I wanted this to be special, it's not my fault there is this honeymoon stigma to it! Besides, Ed, I would think that by now, common law...”

Ed's jaw flapped open.

“We aren't married!” he shrieked. “I never said yes and you never proposed!”

“But you have thought about it,” Roy suddenly purred.

Ed went scarlet and backpedaled, the back of his knees struck the bed and he sat again.

The General swung the closet door shut and sauntered across the room. Edward backed up onto the bed and looked anywhere but at the General's face.

“Shall I get on my knees?” the deep, silken voice asked.

“No!” Ed cried and immediately covered his face with his hands. “Look, forget I said anything. You don't got to do nothing!” He squirmed all around, trying to get off the other side of the bed.

Roy caught him easily, hopping up on the bed and crawling over him, straddling his body and looking down at his finger covered face. He could make out the faint blushing between the cracks in Ed's flesh fingers.

“But I want to do it, I want to ask you,” Roy leaned over. His lover was no longer a boy, despite this charming display. “Will you answer me, if I do?”

“Geddoffa me, leave me alone,” Edward huffed, muffled and wiggled. His hip came into contact with the inside of Roy's thigh and he went still. “Why are you doing this to me? You know I hate this mushy shit.”

“Why am I doing what to you?” Roy leaned down and kissed knuckles both flesh and metallic.

“Stoppit,” Ed whined and turned his head to the side, face still covered. Roy reaches and tugged at Edward's flesh wrist until Edward gave in and let him pull it away. Ed turned one eye in his direction, frowning and blushing. Roy leaned over and kissed his cheek and the corner of his lips. From there his lips traveled lower, over a jaw and down the side of Ed's neck. Ed's face was uncovered now, both of his hands rested lightly on Roy's shoulders and he was pursing his lips slightly and then sucking them in and doing it again. Ed had some of the most unintentional endearing habits and Roy didn't dare mention them, because Ed would then make the concerted effort to stop.

Ed arched then, brought his hips up and Roy half moaned. They weren't even unpacked yet, they'd just arrived perhaps twenty minutes prior, and already he wanted to fuck Ed through this ridiculous heart-shaped bed. Damn, lake air must be really good for you.

Ed gave a small, involuntary sound and risked at glance at his face. Roy smiled for him and settled himself down, lying between Ed's legs and along his body. He propped some of his weight on his elbows.

“Hey,” the General said softly.

“Hey,” Ed said in return.

“Would you?” the General said with a soft, teasing grin.

Ed groaned and squeezed his eyes shut and scowled in appropriate Ed fashion.

“You know I would,” he mumbled and tried to sink into the bed beneath him.

Roy pushed himself up, his fingers went to the waistband of Ed's pants.

“What are you doing?” Ed grumbled. “I just got engaged and you already think you own me, I'm starving. At least take me to dinner first.”

“Oh that's right,” the General snorted. “I forgot you were one of those girl-next-door wholesome types who wouldn't let me so much as get to first base without a ring.”

Then the General yelped as the Professor neatly threw him off and he rolled off the side of the bed and thumped on the floor.

**

The rinky dink tavern out on the main road did, in fact, serve dinner. As long as you liked meat. Fried, mostly. Or charbroiled into bits of black soot. The very large and rugged looking gentleman in the cooks window didn't seem to take to any other suggestion lightly. Roy appealed to Ed with his eyes.

“Why don't we drive back to the town that was an hour down the road?” he said.

“Why? This is fine, and it's right here.”

Roy squinted at the tattered and grease stained paper menu again. He scanned it fruitlessly, (and that was literal as well as figurative).

“There doesn't seem to be much of a selection, this is our hon...,” he caught himself at Ed's glare, “our vacation,” he corrected. “You should let me treat you.”

“You are treating me, to this big steak,” Ed said, pointing. “It comes with a potato, that's fancy enough for me. No rabbit food to get in the way.”

Rabbits made no noises that Roy could imitate, so he returned to his glum perusal of the menu. A woman, (at least Roy thought it was a woman, for it's sake he hoped it was a woman) came to linger briefly at the table side and gave them both a slight glare for making her, (or it), do her, (or it's), job.

“Steak,” Ed said. “As bloody as he wants me to have it, and the potato since it comes with it. Beer?”

She snorted and nodded and turned her small, slightly watering and slightly swine-ish eyes on Roy.

Trapped. He looked at Ed again, but Ed was set on feeding him to this woman's several sets of jowls. He dropped his eyes to the menu again, searching frantically.

“You boys ain't from around here,” she said suddenly, her delayed epiphany catching up to her. “You staying in the woods at that cabin place? It's fancy and 'spensive. That must mean you want the good stuff. Hey Turk!” she yelled toward the cook's window. “We got big spenders.”

A tiny ray of hope flashed in Roy's head.

“Good stuff? Do you have actual vegetables?” he said, putting on his most charming smile.

“Nah,” she grunted and then grinned. “But we got the high dollar beer like them places in Rockmont,” she nodded sagely. “Locals don't drink it much, but we keep it on hand for the city boys what come to play in the woods.” She grinned, and Roy tried not to stare into the tiny gaps of her missing teeth.

“I'm from Risembool,” Ed said, loftily. “I'm not from the city, he is,” and he looked at Roy, condemning him in a glance. “He's from Central.”

What few pairs of eyes were in the dark and dank little clap trap tavern, turned in Roy and Ed's general direction.

“I..I am,” Roy admitted, feeling this was some sort of crime. “But I can enjoy the countryside and lake, just like anyone else.”

There seemed to be several diversive snorts at this proclamation.

“I got folks out Risembool way,” the woman said. “But over in Doncaster.”

“I know where that is,” Ed said brightly. “I've been through it a few times.”

The two of them chatted for a moment about corn and sheep or corn in sheep, it didn't matter. Roy tried to be inconspicuous and to figure out if he could actually eat anything off the menu or he would be losing a lot of weight over the next two weeks.

“Are you going to eat, or what?”

Roy realized that the woman was actually talking to him now, so in panic he said: “I'll have what Ed is having”, just to escape her scrutiny and she took that for what it was worth and shambled away from the table.

Ed watched her go, turned back to Roy.

“Well, at least the locals seems ok enough. I wonder what the big dollar beer is?”

“Whatever it is, I'm not going to pay some hopped up out of towner price for it, you better believe that. I can't believe they don't even have salads. Do they think potatoes are the only vegetable?”

“You know, you eat steak just fine at home. It comes with steamed broccoli and carrots, but everyone knows that's just there to make the meat look better. No wait, you do actually eat that shit, don't you?”

“Vegetables are good for you,” Roy said in a patient parental tone. “You should eat them more often, Edward...ow! If you have to kick me under table use the right foot, dammit,” he bent over to rub his shin and glared at Ed over the table. Ed didn't look the least bit remorseful.

“Beer,” a voice said out of no where and two large glass mugs with handles slammed down on the table between them. Ed took his eagerly and Roy scrutinized his.

“Trade with me,” he said.

“Huh? Why?” Ed said, stopping mid-way between mug and mouth.

“This mug is dirty,” Roy said and pushed it with his fingertips in Ed's direction, “and you aren't usually picky about this sort of thing.”

Ed just stared at him silently for a moment. Then he slammed his mug down and picked up the one Roy was being so fastidious about.

“It must be fucking love or lunacy, I haven't figured out which,” Ed sneered and took a drink.

**

“That was not a steak, it was a wedge of tar in disguise,” the General groaned, sprawled on his back in the middle of the bed. “And here I didn't pack any bromo... I'm going to die.”

“Don't be so melodramatic,” Ed snorted. “It was a little tough but it was fine, next time we'll try the pork.”

“Next time?” the General whined. “I won't survive until the next time. My innards are already blocked. I'm just going to expand. You'll be cruel of course, tease me about getting fat. But I'll fix you, you'll be sorry when I'm gone.”

“I'm already sorry and you're still here,” Edward snorted and started peeling out of his clothes.

Roy let his next retort die on his lips, and instead watched Edward undress. There was some kind of symphony playing in the background, Roy was sure of it, because for every layer Edward peeled off, Roy could hear the choir. It was like manna to watch him bare himself, and knowing that if he could just get up and move with this tar weighing his body down, he could put his hands on that rapidly appearing skin. He licked his lips and Edward caught him doing it and stopped, pants halfway undone.


At first Ed looked like he didn't know what to do. If he should be offended or pleased and it made for some interesting contortions on his face.

“What are you looking at?” he finally mumbled and worked on his pants, albeit a little more slowly.

“My lover,” the General crooned. “He's glorious when he's baring himself for my pleasure.”

“What? The fuck I am! You're a pervert, a slimy pervert,” Ed growled.

“Not anymore my love, you're legal now,” the General sighed.

Ed half turned his back and pushed his pants down, Roy was always very amused that Edward was still a bit prudish after all this time.

“Besides, you're too injured by steak to get it up, remember?” Ed said over his shoulder.

“I think I'd have to be dead not to get it up at the sight of you,” the voice said behind him.

Ed swallowed a little and slowly finished undressing. He wasn't sure why he did it, Roy was just goading him. He tried and failed to look over his shoulder, to see the smirk and the sparkle in a black eye. He clenched his fists.

“The line of your back is classical,” the voice murmured again. “Let your hair down, let me see how long it's gotten.”

Ed had no clue why he obeyed this disembodied voice giving him the most personal of directions. But he freed his ponytail and felt his hair fall against his bare back and waited.

“It's a little longer I believe, almost to your mid-back. It's still very rich in color, I would have thought it would start to fade more toward white blond by now. Either way it's mesmerizing.”

Ed felt a little trickle of sweat run down the back of his neck. He shifted a bit from foot to foot, what the fuck was he waiting for? More directions?

“It took a while to get here, didn't it? All those hours in that car? I bet you need a really good stretch.”

Ed flared his nostrils, like hell he was going to... and then he did feel a bit cramped, in his lower back and shoulders. This was some kind of verbal subliminal manipulation, Ed could tell. Roy must have mastered it years ago, yes, back in his Lt. Colonel days. So that was the reason everyone followed him around with puppy like devotion. Well, everyone but him, he puppied for no man! He just... laid on his back and spread his legs.

Roy sucked in a small breath. Ed tensed, he could see the play of his muscles all the way from his shoulders to his butt cheeks. Roy felt a bit light headed when Ed flexed those. Ed balled his fists and raised his arms slowly over his head, arched his back and groaned. Roy rolled up onto his side and pushed into a half sitting position on his hip. Ed slowly lowered his arms to his sides, holding them straight out and turned to his left, then to his right. He let his arms hang in front of him then and rolled his head once before straighting back up.

“Was that good?” the General purred.

Yeah, it was good, it was really good. He was starting to feel relaxed and warm despite his nakedness.

“You haven't had a proper work out lately, have you?” the General asked.

Well, no. Not since the Prince and the sparring matches. And he'd been avoiding the Prince for obvious reasons. And the last weeks of school had been hectic, making sure all his boys were ready for the exams. Sweating over their individual performances for the dean and other school board heads. Hoping there would be an alchemy class next year.

He hadn't had time.

“I haven't,” Ed admitted lowly. “But not because I'm lazy or nothing, and I'm not really out shape...” he rushed.

“I know,” the General placated behind him. “Believe me, I know. You're magnificent Ed, but I know how you are. You're a bundle of energy, and when you keep it all inside you're just heading for some sort of explosion.”

“Maybe,” Ed said and rolled his head on his shoulders again an stood up a little straighter. Roy smiled, Ed took to praise like a fish to water. It was nice to watch him preen.

“I know you studied with a martial arts expert as a boy, Mrs. Curtis? Was there a regiment she taught you? Some series of movements?”

Ed nodded and bowed his head. He didn't move for several moments. And when he did, he flowed. He turned his head and took a step to the side and Roy could see his eyes were closed. His arms came up, one hand up, the other fisted and he stretched his other leg back, but seemed perfectly centered. Roy almost forgot to breathe.

The next three movements were all similar in style, a rounded, artistic flair of motion that came to a stopping point just when Roy thought Ed would over balance or break his concentration. Each movement highlighted Edward's body in dramatic repose. Sinew and muscle, each pause and held movement seemed like time held it's breath.

His lover turned as he began to repeat the movements back to his original spot. His eyes were closed and his face serene. Roy heard loud breathing in his ear, and he knew it wasn't Ed's. He felt hot and a bit uncomfortable in his clothing. Once again there had been a power shift. It always amazed Roy how easily and how well he and Edward shared this precarious perch of domination between them.

Edward reached his original spot, came to a halt, then took a deep breath and bowed. When he straightened back up he slowly opened his eyes. But only halfway, he looked relaxed and lazy.

Roy wet his lips and nodded.

“Beautiful,” he said.

Ed absorbed this compliment, his eyes slide shut again and he tilted his head back, just a bit.

“Now what do you want me to do?” Ed whispered, on the cusp of husky.

Own me... no wait, you already do that.

“Perhaps you'd like to come over here and help me take my clothes off?” the General suggested casually.

Ed dropped his head back down and opened his eyes.

“I think I can do that,” he said.

And then he came. He was only a couple of strides away, but he filled them with his body and his heat and his sex. Roy felt his chest heave once. Ed was usually a rather demure creature in the bedroom, Roy felt that this was true. Ed was content to let Roy lead him, but on occasion, on those rare occasions when Ed felt his own power, things could be different.

He didn't say anything, instead he bent forward slightly and Roy felt fingers work the button at his throat. He was sure Ed felt it move. Ed worked with silent diligence, unbuttoning Roy's shirt all the way down then gripping it and pulling it out of his slacks and finishing the job. He pushed it open and off Roy's shoulders. Then he caught Roy's hand and lifted it, worked the button loose on the cuff and tugged the sleeve down on that side, then half turned, repeated it with the other. Roy kept looking at Ed's face, watching the concentration and the schooled expression. Ed knew he held the upper hand. Roy lifted his arms when directed and his dress shirt sailed over Ed's shoulder to the floor, followed quickly by his undershirt.

Ed lifted his hands slowly and Roy felt them on his cheeks. Roy felt his lips part to Ed's unspoken request and he leaned up. As they came together Ed opened his mouth, covering Roy's. It was Ed's tongue that sought and gained entrance and it was Roy who shut his eyes first. Ed's fingertips worked small circles on his cheeks and Ed's tongue stroked the roof of his mouth before dipping to nudge his own. Each breath Roy took drank Edward in, each exhale Edward swallowed greedily.

Edward's fingertips moved, skating over his jaw, down the sides of his neck and to his shoulders. Roy wasn't even aware he was being pushed back until he felt the comforter under his spine. Ed braced himself with his hands to either side of Roy's chest and pulled up slowly out of the kiss, tugging the General's bottom lip briefly with his teeth as he did so. Edward's always impressive bangs spilled forward to frame his face as they regarded each other.

“Don't move,” Edward whispered, pushed upright and looked around. He went to hastily retrieve one of the suitcases, dragging it out and unlatching it. He grunted in frustration as he pawed through it, Roy imagined he would just dump it out, because Edward lost all patience when aroused. But he came back, tossing the bottle on the bed next to Roy. He reached down then to undo Roy's belt.

Roy lifted his knees, pressed them to Edward's hips and rearranged himself a bit. Ed deftly opened the buckle on the General's belt and pulled it slowly from the belt loops around his waist. The buckle made a loud clank when it hit the floor.

“You know, I'm usually never without something to say,” Roy said and Ed looked up at him just as his fingers gripped and pulled up on Roy's slacks to undo the button. “But what do you say to the sexiest man in the world when he's standing between your legs undoing your pants?”

Ed's cheeks colored up and he dropped his eyes again, there was a tiny pleased smile on his face.

“And what does it say about me that he's doing it naked?” the General added, because, God help him, he never could resist a tease.

Ed snorted and yanked and the button of Roy's slacks sailed in a graceful arch and bounced once on the comforter before clattering to the floor.

“Please don't break the zipper, I've only just learned to sew buttons back on,” the General pleaded.

Ed smiled overly sweetly and gripped Roy's slacks hard at the top and closed his automail finger over the zipper tab.

“At least be careful of my hair!” Roy yelped.

Ed zipped with much enthusiasm and Roy heard fabric shred and then he was suddenly naked. He decided it best not to question it. Ed put his hands on his hips and let his eyes wander up and down Roy's frame.

“I'm not sure you're up to snuff for the sexiest man in the world,” he drawled. “You look a bit flabby and under defined. You're also an amazing shade of fish belly white.”

Roy's mouth pulled down on the sides.

“That's really cruel, here I've done nothing but drool over you for the past half hour and you think I'm flabby.” Roy leaned up on his elbows and looked down his body. He feared the middle-aged spread with a vengeance, and having Ed around was good incentive not to sit on his couch and eat chips and swill beer most nights. True, he wasn't as active as his younger lover, but he did ok. There were lots of steps at the office, he went up and down them, at a jog, several times a day. He wasn't fat.

Ed looked like he was on the verge of snickering.

“Don't...don't pout,” he got out before bursting into giggles he tried to smother with his automail hand.

Roy flopped back again, scowled at the ceiling and Ed managed to get himself under control.

“Aw, come on, I'm sorry,” Ed said, climbing back up on the bed and straddling Roy's body. “I didn't mean it, come on, look at me.”

Roy kept his head turned to the side, he tried to fold his arms but Ed wouldn't let him.

“Come on, you can say shit to me and I don't pout... ok, I don't pout usually, come on.” Ed wheedled.

“I did nothing but tell you how drop dead gorgeous you are and how much I wanted you from the minute I realized you were taking off your clothes,” the General huffed.

“I know, “ Ed crooned. “I didn't mean it, it's just you offer me a compliment with one hand and then smear it in my face with the other. I'm the one who should be upset,” Ed leaned down and kissed his cheek, his ear, the side of his neck. Ed's hair danced over his chest and Roy wavered.

“You're right, that was rude of me,” Roy murmured and Ed's lips found his adam's apple. “But if you can forget the second part, I mean what I say,” he raised his hands and rubbed Edward's sides, slid them down to his hips to knead.

“Yeah, that's better. We had some hot shit going on there for a few minutes,” Ed growled, “let's get that back. I love it when you make me feel like that.”

Roy slid his hands to Ed's spine, he pressed in on either side and dragged his fingers up and Ed threw his head back and groaned, curling downwards, his hips coming to rest against Roy's.

“Everything I could ever want in this world is hanging above me,” Roy told him. “I am only a breath away from my heaven, even though he doesn't believe in it.” He pushed his fingers back down Ed's spine and Ed's head hung forward, his back arching up now.

“Yeah,” Ed said, “talk to me like that. I fuckin' love that, but you didn't hear it from me.”

“Didn't hear what?” Roy replied smoothly, then he pushed up on his elbows again and he extended his tongue. Ed shuddered and gasped when it slid over his nipple then tossed his head back and bit his lower lip when Roy's lips closed over it. Edward jerked and twitched above him as he suckled slowly, nudging the now hard nub back and forth with his tongue.

Roy pulled his mouth away long enough to whisper: “Do you like that, beautiful?” before taking him in again. Edward twisted above him, but careful not to pull away from Roy's attentions, his hips pressed and ground down and he whimpered his pleasure.

Roy's hands traveled up and down his back, smoothed over his butt cheeks and squeezed lightly. He could feel the head of Roy's cock touching him on his lower stomach and the feel of his own cock, hard and tight; pressed into the crevice where Roy's leg joined his thigh. But Roy's mouth commanded him, drew all those delicious lines of lust together in one spot, under Roy's lips.

When Roy released him, Ed almost sagged. His cock helpfully supplied the knowledge that it was rubbing lightly against warm skin, and it really liked it, could it have more please in a 'harder-faster' way?

It must have telepathically sent this message to Roy's hand, for no sooner than it had finished speaking, there Roy's hand was to comfort it. The rest of Ed's body really liked the Roy's hand/Ed's cock couple and thrust forward eagerly to get them together. This caused Ed's internal fixings to also want to take part, and he gave a happy little yelp before he could get them under control. But the bastard didn't smirk at him, only rubbed him lightly up and down in a terribly, awfully, wonderfully, unsatisfying way.

Roy's eyes were now half mast and he was almost purring. Ed trembled on outstretched arms above him making the most delicious expressions. It felt incredible, to be here in this place in the middle of nowhere, where no one knew them and to have Ed naked and quivering at his touch. He cooed to his whimpering lover, watched Ed thrust and start to sweat lightly, listened to his ragged breaths.

Roy reached up, quickly located the bottle Ed had tossed on the bed earlier. He released Ed and Ed kept thrusting, rubbing the head of his cock on Roy's stomach and Roy snapped the bottle open and wet his fingers with lubricant. With his unanointed hand he grabbed Ed's arm and pulled him forward, made him crawl up Roy's body. He pulled Ed down and Ed came willingly, his hips still rocking and Roy slide his fingers into the cleft of Ed's ass and quickly located his anus, rubbing it back and forth vigorously. Ed half way howled and dropped his forehead to Roy's shoulder, trying to spread his legs wider in invitation.

“You want this,” Roy husked into his ear, then pressed the first finger in, steady pressure to the base. Ed needed little preparation these days, but Roy went through the motions because he enjoyed it. He loved the feel of Ed's muscles around his fingers, the minute jerks of Ed's hips when he was penetrated, all these little things he missed when he just plunged in, cock first.

The second finger followed the first with almost no pause and Ed thrust hard into his stomach, groaning and Roy reveled in every grimace and every spasm around his fingers.

“You love this,” he whispered against Ed's ear. “You beg for this,” he licked his ear then and Ed sobbed his denial and admission all at once. He moved his fingers, in and out, back and forth and never in the way Ed begged for with his soft cries and hip thrusts. The key was to keep Ed hungry, starving. Just on the edge of his lust and desperate. That was where Ed was most lovely.

Ed tried to reach between their bodies and grab his own cock, but Roy caught his hand.

“No, that's mine. Do you really think I'm going to let you jerk yourself raw when I'd rather you be screaming and riding my cock?” he trilled. “You don't get to come until I say you can,” and he punctuated it with a hard thrust of his fingers and Ed writhed. “You understand me?”

Ed resisted him, grit his teeth and tried to jerk his wrist free of Roy's grip. But Roy hung on tightly and dropped his voice.

“Look at me,” he ordered and when Ed refused he growled and thrust hard with his fingers again. “I said look at me!”

Ed turned his head slowly, he was sweating and his bangs clung to his cheeks and his hair spilling over his shoulders stuck there. He opened his eyes to glare, but a stroke over a very sensitive spot made them pop wide and he trembled.

“Put your mouth over mine and kiss me,” Roy said, the order softer now. “Come on, kiss me.” He felt a surge of pure lust when after a moment, Ed leaned down to obey.

Intoxication, drunk of this man above him.

Ed shook and cried softly into his mouth, pulled up to beg with words since all his yearning wasn't working.

“Roy... I need... “ he sobbed.

“I know what you need, do you think I wouldn't give it to you? But you have to show me you want it, you have to tell me, Ed.”

His own chest was heaving, his own cock was so hot and tight he almost thought it might split. His bravo was fading and he held out as long as he could, eyes focused on Ed's flushed and swollen lips.

“You total bastard,” his lover cooed. “You know I want you to fuck me, why do you make me do this, I don't know,” he sobbed.

Roy pushed Ed up then and Ed's eyes grew wide and wounded. And Roy realized it must feel like some sort of rejection to be shoved away after such an admission, he rushed to mend it before the rift grew.

“Sit up, beautiful, here, lift your hips,” and he grabbed Ed there, pushing upwards and Ed pushed on his knees looking baffled and anxious.

“You get to be on top,” Roy purred, “you like being on top.” He reached between them, the side of his hand brushing along the bottom of Ed's dripping erection and Ed whined and started to push back down.

“Not yet,” Roy scolded mildly and Ed froze and waited.

Roy grasped his own cock and hissed aloud and Ed's eyes slid closed and he moaned at the sound. He lined himself up as best he could and gave Ed's hip a little push.

“Slowly,” he said and Ed began to sink. “That's it, like that...” The head of Roy's cock nudged and pushed into the cleft of Ed's ass and they both paused to shudder at the sensation. Then Roy coaxed again and Ed continued down. The head of Roy's cock locked into the depression there, poised against Ed's anus and Roy released himself and Ed's hip and he waited.

Ed hovered there, breathing in and out deeply, he tilted his head back and shook his hair and Roy groaned at the sight. Ed dropped his chin to his chest and pressed down, just enough to get the head of Roy's cock inside, and he made the most beautiful of grimaces and waited to adjust.

He slowly began to descend, just a bit at a time and Roy thought he would die and die happy by the end of it. When Ed finally settled his ass on Roy's thighs, Roy had already been to heaven and back several times. He reached up, rubbed Ed's hips and immediately took possession of Ed's cock, slick with pre-cum and hot in his palm. Ed jerked forward when Roy touched him and then his eyes widened and he pushed back. Roy forced stillness on his body, no matter its wailed protests. He wanted to move, to thrust and push himself impossibly deep inside Ed's body, into that tight, hot place that was clenched around his cock. Ed rocked his hips, once, twice, experimentally and then pushed up a bit on his knees and sank back down. He made a sound that flayed Roy's very flesh from his bones and pushed himself up again, then rocked forward into Roy's palm and back and down. Slow, agonizing torture that Roy would beg for, scream for, commit any crime for. He was awash in Ed's desire and lust, watching almost detached as the young man who owned his soul arched his gorgeous body and sought his attentions.

Roy brought his other hand into play, cupping Ed's balls, lifting them when Ed pushed up on his knees, as if to somehow urge him along, pressing them when Ed sank back down. Ed gritted his teeth, unsure what to do with his hands. One of them gripped the wrist of the hand Roy had around his cock, the other flattened on Roy's chest.

It wasn't long before Ed upped the ante and he began to move faster, picking up his up and down motion, tugging on Roy's wrist.

“Rub me, bastard, don't just hold it, fuck!” Sweat dripped from Ed's chin onto Roy's chest and Roy made a low sound in his throat, a gurgle-like welling of pleasure. Roy gave him two quick and strong strokes and Ed panted hard and moved harder, the sound of flesh slapping flesh mingled with their breathing. Roy waited and when Ed opened his mouth to beg, he did it again, just two, long and firm, and Ed whipped his head to the side and ground down as hard as he could before pushing back up.

There was no ecstasy like this to be had on his earth. No other person who could entice such raw desire from him. Roy bared his teeth and struggled to maintain himself, teetering here on the edge. Because the sight of his lover working himself to a lather in lust was something he wanted burned into his very retinas. But it wasn't to last, Ed sobbed to him, one last desperate plea and Roy couldn't help but answer. He gave Ed what he wanted, began to build him on long satisfying strokes of his turgid cock, raised his hips to meet Ed's descents. It all became a battle, a race, a conquering neither wanted to win, and when Ed thrust his head back and shouted his completion to the skies, Roy followed soon after and sang his praises to the man he loved and could never live without.

**

The next morning brought Roy a sight he hadn't seen in a long time. The Professor dressed like Ed. A black tank top, as much as Roy thought he wouldn't miss that steadfast piece of a younger Edward's wardrobe, he did. And shorts, when Edward went on vacation, he took it seriously. They had to be hold overs from his younger days. They were long, hit just above his knee and were a little faded and a little frayed at the hems.

Ed had his own thoughts on Roy's vacation wardrobe.

“You're not wearing that down to the lake, are you?” the younger man said with a slight sneer.

Roy paused and looked down at himself. He seemed in order. Linen trousers, short sleeved, button down print shirt, (not quite floral, sort of ferny) and sandals.

“Yes,” Roy said slowly, “is there a problem?”

“Well, yes,” Ed sputtered and waved his hands at Roy's attire. “We're at the lake, not on the back deck of one of your snooty General buddies!”

“This is what I brought to wear,” the General said and restrained himself from putting his nose in the air. “There is nothing wrong with it.”

“Weren't you planning on getting wet?” Ed asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No, should I be?” Roy asked, his own eyebrow raising a bit.

“Tell me something, just why did you want to come to the lake?” Ed said, hands going on hips and hunching his shoulders a little.

“Relaxation mainly,” the General said, putting his hands on his hips. “I was thinking I might spend some quality time with my lover and take in the scenery.”

“You weren't planning on swimming or fishing?” Ed said.

Roy worked his jaw and glanced around the room before settling his sight back on Ed.

“You weren't, were you?” Ed said, exasperated. “What did you think we'd be doing? Hanging around in the cabin fucking all day? Wait, don't answer that.”

“For your information, I was going to see about renting a boat, I saw a sign on the road as we came in. Also, I think it's high time you learn to drive,” Roy threw that in as a peace offering, to waylay any righteous tirade Ed might be formulating to hurl at his head.

“Teach me to drive?” Ed sounded a little breathless and then he suddenly lit up all over. It wasn't a tiny glow, but an angelic shining that sprang to life in his golden hair, ignited his eyes and traveled down his entire frame.

There would be no getting out of it now.

“Yes,” Roy said, as if he'd been planning it all along. “Why do you think I rented the roadster? I'm not going to teach you to drive in that box we take back and forth to work everyday.”

The roadster was insured and not their everyday means of transportation after all.

Ed was looking at him in a most peculiar way.

“That is... if you want to learn to drive,” Roy ventured, uncertain.

“I just have this overwhelming need to have sex with you,” Ed said in an airy way. “I don't know why, but I think we should have sex before we go down to the lake... a lot of it.”

Roy immediately began to strip.

“Is there anything else I can offer to teach you?” the General asked a bit breathless as the Professor's shorts and tank top hit the floor.

“No, I think the driving thing is going to get you more sex than your tongue can handle at the moment,” Ed reassured him.

“Oh good,” Roy said as he was backed to the bed and let himself fall back onto it. “Because I think my tongue can handle a lot.”

“Hope it's been working out,” Ed growled and covered the General's mouth with his own.

**

It was nearly dusk the first time they set foot on the dock at the end of the path that lead to the lake from the cabin; and they almost didn't make it that far. Ed was still flushed and he wrestled the hem of his tank top out of Roy's grasp and pushed the shoulder of it back up.

“We had to get out so the maid could make up the bed and change the sheets,” the General purred, hooking his chin over Ed's shoulder. “We can go back in a few minutes, she'll be gone.”

“I hope you tipped her really well,” Ed muttered, looking out at the lake. “Otherwise we better not show our faces up at that tavern on the main road again.”

“I'm sure she's the soul of discretion,” the General said, lips adoring Ed's ear lobe. “She didn't see that much.”

“You mean that much of you,” Ed growled. “Why is there a hook in the ceiling of that cabin and why did you bring a coil of rope in one of your suitcases?”

“Well, it is a honeymoon suite, after all,” the General purred.

There were a few more minutes of Roy pawing and Ed squirming before the lake in front of them caught and held their attention. In the late afternoon sun it was a serene shimmer of blue with flashes of light all the way across to the opposite shore. A light breeze rippled the water around the dock and lifted the ends of Ed's messy ponytail. Roy lifted his chin and wrapped his arms around the younger man, and pulled him back to lean on his chest.

Neither seemed willing to speak and break the sudden bubble of calm that surrounded them. So instead, Ed lifted his hand and rubbed Roy's arm around him and Roy nosed the top of Ed's head.

There was a splash somewhere off to their left and Roy turned quickly to look in that direction.

“What do you think that was?” he asked when Ed turned to look as well.

“Just a fish,” Ed said, tilting his head back to look up at Roy.

“Oh, right,” the General said with a nod. “I guess there are fish here.”

“Yeah,” Ed said slowly, “what, with it being a lake and all.”

“Don't get smart,” the General huffed. “Not all of us are hicks like you.”

“You know, you think that bothers me, but it doesn't,” Ed said airily. “It means that I grew up knowing how to do things on my own and not having someone wait on me hand and foot. That means everything I have I earned and it wasn't handed to me.”

“I didn't have anything handed to me,” Roy snorted. “I worked hard in school and the academy to get where I am.”

“Did you do your own laundry?” Ed asked.

“No,” Roy answered.

“Uh huh,” Ed nodded. “Did you cook your own meals?”

“No,” Roy answered, “But neither did you, Mrs. Rockbell did it.”

“Touché, touché,” Ed agreed. “Did you have to walk to school, five miles, up hill both ways?”

Roy gave him a wry look and flattened his mouth out.

“In the snow?” Ed continued.

“Did you just age thirty years while we've been standing here?” the General asked.

“Pansy assed city-boy,” Ed teased.

Roy gave him a shove, right on the shoulder. It was meant playfully, but Ed teetered to the side, did a sudden flailing of his arms and toppled off the end of the dock into the water.

“Whoopsie,” the General said, peering over the end, this wasn't the intent, but Ed should be able to take what he dished out. The water here must be over Ed's head, not a hard feat that, being as Ed was so... diminutive. But when a blond head didn't bob back up to the surface almost immediately, the General got to thinking. Ed should be a good swimmer, having grown up in the country around a bunch of ponds, (filled with weeds, that's why this lake water didn't phase him. Roy always swam in a pool, where you could see the bottom and any sort of thing that might be lurking there to brush against your leg underwater, like Maes.) but then again, Ed hadn't been half steel at the time.

Roy dropped to his knees and plunged his arm into the lake and began to feel around, he'd jump in if he had to, he really would! After a few moments of desperate groping he began to psyche himself up when he heard a slogging sound beside the dock. As he watched the blond head he'd been hoping to grab came into view.

Ed emerged from the depths, one stride at a time and reminded Roy, vaguely, of a b-horror movie he'd seen once about a creature living at the bottom or a lake... or a lagoon, or something like that. When Ed reached the shore he lifted his automail arm straight up in the air. A cascade of lake water rushed out of it, over his face and down his neck. He then sat down on the gangway of the dock, leaned back and lifted his automail leg. Similarly, water rushed out of that appendage as well.

“I'm sorry,” Roy said. “I didn't mean to push you in and then I forgot that about the fact you probably can't swim very well being part steel... please don't push me in, these pants are linen, they'll never come clean.”

But Ed wasn't looking like he was seeking revenge, in fact, it was just the opposite.

“Wow, Mustang,” the Professor said quietly, “that's two for two on the same trip.”

“Beg pardon?” Roy said, still fearing for his linen trousers and eyeing the lake water nervously.

“You didn't remember I was half steel?” Ed said, with a funny little lilt to his voice he immediately cleared his throat trying to hide.

“No, I didn't even think about it,” Roy said with a shrug. “I thought you'd be a good swimmer, being a bumpkin and all...” he gave a hopeful little teasing grin.

“I think I want to have sex, right here, right now,” Ed muttered.

Roy did one of his little turns in confusion, wondering who this was and where Ed had gone. Finally he got out: “With me?”

“Yeah, with you,” Ed had already gone all sultry and Roy wondered if there was some better way to test if he was really awake other than pinching his arm. There didn't seem to be, so he did it and proved to himself that he was, indeed, awake and this wasn't some lust addled fantasy.

He watched as Ed climbed up onto the gangway and started toward him. It was a funny feeling, being caught flat-footed. Your lover actually giving into one of your most secret and depraved desires, sex in almost-public. Why, anyone one could happen by and see him shagging Ed's brains out on the dock. What would people think? Why would he care? Ed was gorgeous and he didn't get to brag much.

“Let me help you out of these things,” Ed purred, sidling right up to him, starting to unbutton his shirt. “You don't look good in this flower shirt anyways.”

“They're ferns,” Roy muttered dazedly.

“Whatever,” Ed said, pushing the shirt open and off Roy's shoulders and starting on his belt buckle. Roy watched him, licking his lips and already stretching the fabric of his briefs.

“I know,” Ed cooed, “let's skinny dip, we can do it in the lake.”

“Ok,” Roy said agreeably, eagerly, and he started plucking at Ed's wet clothes. “If that's what you want, beautiful, that's what you'll get. You know I'm the man that can give you what you need where you need it, I'm always willing to accommodate.”

“Roy, I'm horny, not feeling slutty, refrain from the porn novel talk, ok?” Ed said.

Now Ed was ruining the fantasy.

“Don't look at me like that,” Ed continued. “I found your stash under the bathroom sink inside the old bromo box.”

“And read it,” Roy supplied.

“Well yeah,” Ed countered, “it was porn after all.”

Roy gripped Ed's wet tank top and pulled it over his head, then reached back as Ed undid his zipper and removed the tie from Ed's hair. He toed out of his sandals and stepped out of his trousers when they hit the dock. Ed pushed his shorts down and kicked them aside. Last, but not least, Ed grabbed the waistband of Roy's long briefs and kneeled as he pulled them down Roy's legs. Roy's cock tapped him on the nose and Ed grinned.

“It's always so happy to see me,” he said.

“Of course,” the General purred. “It always has a good time at your place.”

Ed snorted and stood back up, they stood face to face, au natural on a dock, on a lake practically in the middle of nowhere.

Ed tried to climb Roy like a tree. He got his arms around his shoulders, his mouth locked over Roy's and threw his flesh leg up to hook over Roy's hip. Roy staggered backwards under the assault and managed to kiss back. Ed pulled back then and grinned at him, lowered his leg.

“Pants won't get wet now,” he smiled.


“What?” Roy asked, flushed and panting a bit.

Ed pushed him off the dock into the lake.

**

Roy had flailed himself into the shallows, stood panting and looking wounded and betrayed. That had changed to amazement and lust when Ed dropped off the side of the dock to join him there.

“Idiot,” his lover mumbled, molding to his side. “I'm still horny.”

There was no need to respond with words. Roy half turned and wrapped himself around the shorter man, this time he plundered with mouth and tongue and they rocked back and forth, holding each other in the water. Roy began to push Ed down, but when Ed sat in the lake, it came up to his chin. Shallower shallows were called for and they worked their way toward the shore between trying to tongue each others tonsils.

They sat again, but Ed jumped and squirmed around.

“There's a rock trying to get up my ass!” he complained, so they had to scoot around, (but not to close to those funny weed things underwater, Roy shied immediately from those), to find a good place where they could sit and no stray masonry found it's way into Ed's rump.

Roy straddled Ed's lap, cupping his cheeks and trying once again to suck Ed's tongue out and Ed, for his part made lots of encouraging noises. Ed tried to lift his right hand but struggled with it for a moment and when he lifted it the finger joints and palm of the automail were coated in mud.

“I think I'm sinking,” he said.

“Maybe you should have stayed on the rock,” Roy panted.

Ed shook his hand furiously which made him rather distracted in returning Roy's kisses.

“Just leave it,” Roy encouraged, “when it dries it will be easier to get off.”

“It feels weird,” Ed complained as Roy abandoned his mouth and headed for the side of his neck.

“How can if feel weird?” Roy murmured there, brushing his lips up and down the muscle that connected Ed's neck to his shoulder. “It's automail, you said it doesn't feel anything.”

“Yeah, well,” Ed said, “but that doesn't mean it doesn't feel anything.”

“That makes no sense,” Roy said, sliding his tongue over Ed's shoulder, “either it does or it doesn't, which is it?”

“It's hard to say, I mean you'd think it wouldn't, but then shit gets all jammed up in it and it does,” Ed grumbled.

This wasn't working out as planned at all, here Ed was being prissy about the hunk of steel hanging off his shoulder when he should already have his knees up to his shoulders and encouraging Roy to do it like he meant it. So to help that process along, Roy reached between them and helped himself to Ed's erection, wrapping his fingers around it snugly. This helped to shut Ed up about the automail at least. Roy gave a few hearty strokes to stoke the fire so to speak, and all seemed fine until Ed scowled.

“Ow,” he said.

“Ow?” Roy returned. This was a new take on encouraging sex noises, but Ed was nothing if not innovative.

“Yeah, ow, hold up,” Ed said, reaching to grab Roy's wrist.

“What's the problem?” Roy panted.

“We're in the water, I guess it's washing stuff away,” Ed mumbled, eyes darting to the side. “I mean, usually I'm all drippy and uh... you use that when you rub?”
“Oooooh,” Roy said. Yes, that made sense, the lake water was robbing Ed of his pre-cum, which could be used as a handy lube substitute in the early stages of stroking Ed to the breaking point. This could be a problem.

“We didn't bring any lube with us,” Roy whined.

“No, it's ok,” Ed soothed, “I can make some.” And he clapped to demonstrate.

“You know the composition of lube?” Roy said, amazed again at his resourceful lover, would Ed's wonders never cease?

“It can't be too hard,” Ed reasoned. “It's just slick, clear stuff...like sap!” Ed pointed at a tree right on the shoreline. “I can get some from the roots there.” He wiggled out from under Roy and stood to slog through the water toward the tree. Roy would have protested, but the sight of Ed, naked and erect wading toward the shore was quite a sight.

Ed clapped his hands and put them on the bank, probably intending to bring some roots of the tree to the surface. The dirt of the bank broke as the roots supposedly surged upwards. The tree decided to protest this and began to tilt forward.

“Ed!” Roy called, alarmed, but Ed had also seen the predicament and lifted his hands from the ground quickly.

They stood and looked at each other for a moment.

“Ok, it's ok, I can find something else,” Ed said and moved up to the bank. He clapped his hands and put them into a patch of weeds growing there, after a moment he was heading back over to Roy with something cupped in his palms. Roy looked down at the offering in Ed's hands when Ed held it out to him.

“Here, take it,” Ed said almost bouncing in place. “It's weed sap or something, it should do.”

Roy cupped his own palms and Ed let the liquid pool from his hand into Roy's.

“If this is weed juice how do you know we won't have some kind of allergic reaction to this?” Roy questioned, but Ed was already sitting in the water again.

“It's fine! It's not a weed that would make you itch, I know what they look like, come on!”

Ed's wish was generally his command and he saw no reason to buck that now. He kneeled carefully so he didn't spill the liquid in his hands. Ed leaned back in the water, holding himself up on his elbows to keep his head out and lifted his knees. It was a beautiful invitation as far as Roy was concerned, but there was one drawback. Ed's inviting bits were still underwater.

“Now what?” Ed lamented.

“I'm going to put this handful of liquid in the water, what do you think? Get up on your knees and stick your goods into the open air,” Roy ordered.

“You're so pushy when you're horny,” Ed grinned and flipped over, getting up on his hands and knees. He gasped loudly when Roy's fingers parted him and put his home-made lube to work.

Whatever juice Ed had sucked out of a bunch of weeds seemed to be working. Roy's fingers eased inside just as smoothly as if they'd had the store bought stuff. Roy had always heard of breakfast being better when you were out in the wilds, but never lubricant, this had to be some kind of first.

Ed tried to go down on his elbows, but got a mouthful of lake water for his trouble and Roy wondered if it would be rude not to kiss him until after Ed had a chance to brush his teeth. Ed groaned and gripped the fingers Roy had inside him tightly and Roy decided to leave coherent thought behind.

**

It was like nothing he'd had before. Oh sure, he'd had Ed before, innumerable times. But never with the breeze through his hair, or the sun on his back or his lover's melodious cry echoing through the trees...

“OW, what the fuck?! Hold up!” Ed cried.

“Buh?” Roy got out, gripping Ed's hips tightly. He listened for further encouragement and was rewarded.

“DAMN, Roy, hold up!” Ed yelled, then surged forward, pulling himself off Roy's cock and out of Roy's grip.

Roy thrust a few more times into empty air, his fingers still crooked as if holding onto something. He seemed to be having some sort of interruption denial. Ed on the other hand was rubbing his butt and giving the General dirty looks over his shoulder. It took Roy a few moments to realize what had happened.

“What? What? What's happened?” he rushed out and made grabby motions with his crooked fingers. “What are you doing?” he asked with wide eyes.

“It hurt,” Ed complained. “It was starting to burn... did you use that stuff I gave you?”

“Yes,” Roy said breathlessly, “I used it, come back, come back now.”

“No,” Ed whined. “I think all the water splashing on us washed it away.” And to protect himself from Roy still sporadically thrusting hips, he turned around and sat down in the water.

Roy made a throaty sound that sounded almost like a squeaky door hinge, then hung his head.

“I'm sorry,” Ed sympathized, “maybe we should wait until we get back to the cabin.”

“Wait?” Roy said, head jerking up. “Wait?” He looked down at his erection, then back up at Ed. “Let's just move up onto the bank.”

“No,” Ed said, wrinkling his nose. “It's gravely and kind of sandy and I don't want sand in unmentionable places, forget it.”

“But you said you wanted to have sex,” Roy gurgled, “you said you wanted it right here and right now. You're a cock-tease, once a cock-tease, always a cock-tease!”

“It's not my fuckin' fault the lube is water-soluble!” Ed snorted. “I guess maybe I should have realized that seeing as how I made it's composition but I wasn't thinking straight because I was preoccupied with the thought of you riding me like your namesake!”

Roy's eyes almost crossed.

“Don't talk like that when you aren't letting me have any!” he howled. “That's not fair! Cock-tease!” And he pointed at Edward with a shaky finger.

Ed didn't dignify him with a response, instead he showed Roy his tongue.

“Ok fine, that will work!” Roy said with a flail. “Bring it on!”

“Gross fuck no!” Ed countered. “You just had that up my ass, no fuckin' way in hell am I putting my mouth on that, here you can do mine!” And Ed flopped back and threw his legs in the air.

“No,no,no, look I'm washing it off!” Roy grabbed himself and pushed his erection under the water and rubbed it back and forth furiously...he almost didn't stop. “You're the one who wanted sex, I'm the one who made you want it, you blow me!”

“No! You're the one who should be on me like the ripped, blond sex-god you always tell me I am, now get over here!” Ed said and pointed at his bobbing cock.

“Flip you for it!” Roy challenged. But a wade over to the dock to feel around in his pants revealed no change.

“Loser!” Ed taunted from the shallows, legs still up and knees bent.

“We were coming to the fucking lake, I didn't think I'd be paying admission to the Ed-is-a-cock-tease-show so I didn't bring any money!” Roy snarled back.

“You complete ass!” Ed growled and flipped over and began picking up rocks. “Let's just find a little flat rock and use that!”

Roy slogged over to help him look and to make sure Ed didn't find some miraculous double-headed rock he could cheat with. They both picked up rocks and threw the rejects off into the lake. And picked and threw and picked and threw.

After a bit they were sitting side by side in the shallows tossing rocks they pulled up with their toes deeper into the water.

“The maid should be gone by now,” Roy said, watching Ed examine a rock he'd manage to pry up with his automail toes.

“Probably,” Ed said distractedly, then dismissed the rock and gave it a toss further out.

“You could probably throw it further with the automail,” Roy said, pulling up his knees and resting his chin on them.

“Nah, not really,” Ed said. “I'm a lefty by necessity, and I've gotten good at it. When I try to throw with the automail I throw like a girl.”

“We can do it twice tonight for missing out on sex in the lake,” Roy offered. “We could use the rope again.”

Ed looked at him and snorted.

“What do you mean twice to make up? We did it twice before we came down here, I think it will be ok to skip this session. Did you just bring me out here to fuck me at every opportunity?”

“It's not like you're complaining,” Roy returned. “And you've been rather helpful with that agenda with all this initiation you've been taking. I wasn't aware there were limitations.”

“I wasn't aware there was a quota,” Ed said wryly.

“Yeah, there is, and we're behind schedule,” Roy said. “Come on, I'll feed you so you can keep your strength up.”
“And to think, I gave up the military for this,” Ed said, getting to his feet.

**

“She said she liked my hair this way,” Al said, eyeing the chair. It was a fine chair, black leather, low backed with big buttons sewn into it. It had a shiny metal base it was sitting upon and a bar to comfortably accommodate your feet. It was designed to move up and down by a pedal and lever. As far as chairs went, it was quite fancy.

“Let me tell you a little something about women,” Lieutenant Pharr said, giving Al a pat on the back. Now that Al was not longer in the military, and no longer outranked First Lieutenant Clayton Pharr, a little back patting was allowed.

“They're going to tell you what they think you want to hear, even someone like the Colonel,” Pharr said, taking Al by the shoulders and turning him toward the mirror behind the chair.

“I don't think the Colonel would do that,” Al huffed a bit, looking at the man's reflection. “She's not like that. She's honest and straightforward in everything she does.”

“That's just infatuation talking. Listen, Riza Hawkeye is a woman, rank not withstanding. Moreover, she's the type of woman who has never really practiced the womanly virtues, if you know what I mean. She's never had to, at least not until now.” Pharr grinned at Al's confused expression in the mirror.

“Ok, she has been with men,” Pharr said, “but to what extent? She had a fling with General Mustang once, that's true, but it never went anywhere. She's had a date or two since then, but along came Alphonse Elric and everything changed.”

“What do you mean?” Al said plaintively.

“Well you didn't see it of course, you weren't there to see it, but tell me Al, since you've been back, how many dates has she been on that weren't with you?”

Al opened his mouth and his jaw hung there in space for a moment. He ran to his mental filing cabinet and looked under the largest of them all, entitled 'Colonel Hawkeye'. He looked in the 'Potential Rivals and People to Eliminate Folder'. It was rather small, practically non-existent. The last folder there had been for Macklin Tolbert, but that had been a misfiling. All in all the section was bare. His mouth snapped shut.

“Exactly,” Clayton said. “Now, see, this 'womanly virtues' thing I'm talking about. Colonel Hawkeye is not a willing participant. She missed out on all those meetings the girls have about how to keep your man happy. She's not here to care if she keeps a man happy or not, after all, she gets to boss them around, she doesn't have to worry about them being happy. Well she does, but not in the sense that she wants them to think about her in any other way but as their commanding officer. All that goes right out the window with you my friend,” Clayton clapped Al's shoulder again.

“With you it's a brand new strategy. The battlefield is set, but it's not a battle she's out to win. That confuses her, because she's career military, she didn't expect this love monkey wrench to be throw into her orderly life.”

Al blushed delightedly from nose to neck. “Love?” he said.

Clayton turned him back around and backed him into the chair. Al's knees hit the front of the seat and he sat, but not all the way back. He perched right on the edge and looked up at the First Lieutenant, his eyes still showing trepidation.

“Well, or a reasonably good approximation,” Clayton told him. “Now, since you are in a good position, and I'm not saying to exploit that, it's time to take the proverbial bull by the horns. You repeatedly moaned to me when I used to set you up on dates that all the women treated you like a kid. Well, you were a kid, but this,” and Clayton reached behind Al, snagged up his ponytail, then let the silky mass trail over Al's shoulder, “didn't help dispel that image.”

Al shifted a little uncomfortably. Clayton Pharr was a man he'd known for a number of years. He met him when Riza had first come to the East and picked him to be in her staff. He was intelligent, congenial, a good problem solver. He was also a bit of a womanizer, and Alphonse saw that early on. But for all his flaws, First Lieutenant Pharr had always been there for him. His nervousness began to dispel, it was easy to overlook a bit of chauvinism when it was coming from someone you knew had your bests interests at heart. And First Lieutenant Pharr had always had his back.

“Ok, you're right,” Al agreed, on a certain level anyway. “Let's cut this off.”

Pharr grinned and turned and waved.

“Hey Sam, my boy here is ready,” he said and stepped back, jamming his hands into this trouser pockets.

Al also couldn't shake the feeling Pharr was a little proud of him, that was a bit bewildering but warming. He wasn't used to having an adopted elder brother, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense, back when Ed was gone and all.

When the barber moved behind him and lifted his ponytail he tensed all over, but Clayton winked at him and he held himself still.

Soon his neck began to feel a draft.

**

Day four.

Roy purred as his back was scratched. It felt wonderful, almost like some bristly loofa half naked native girls scrubbed you with while you languished in the warm tropical currents in the crystal clear pool under the waterfall. At least, that was how his brain translated it in his dream. But when he finally opened his eyes he realized that it wasn't a half naked native girl, but a wholly naked unshaven lover's chin.

Ed had given up shaving the second day in. With the rate his facial hair was coming in, it was a wonder the hair on his head wasn't down to the back of his knees.

Ed had his automail arm draped over Roy's waist and was rubbing his stubbled chin in little circles across Roy's shoulders and muttering in his sleep. Roy couldn't really make out the mumbles, but smiled when the thought he heard his name mixed into them. He stretched and yawned and scratched and waited for Ed to wake up. Roy thought lazily of a nice breakfast and a refreshing drive through the countryside around the lake. Maybe they'd find a nice spot to stop and hike about and have sex outdoors, this time with proper store-bought lube he'd be sure to have in his pocket. Ed still needed to make up for the sex-in-the-lake fiasco and was woefully behind quota.


But Ed took time off seriously. Roy wasn't sure how long he lay there hoping for Ed to wake up on his own, and when he didn't Roy provided helpful prodding and small kicks to his shins, but still, Ed slept on. Roy even wiggled out of his grip and got off the bed, but this just caused Ed to grumble sleepily and attack Roy's vacated pillow before curling up, pillow between teeth and settling back down again.

“Bacon,” Roy crooned. “Sausage, pancakes... no, french toast,” Roy whispered in Ed's ear.

Ed made an inquisitive little sound and smacked his lips, but his eyes remained shut.

Roy studied Ed's beard stubbed jaw and chin. Despite the golden shade of the hair on Ed's head, the beard itself was rather brown. He had a good bit above his lip, down around the sides of his mouth and from his chin up both sides of his jaw. Many people said that a change in a lover's appearance could charge up a couple's sex life. Roy considered their sex life charged enough on it's own, thank you very much, (because his reputation wasn't just rumor), without the help of Ed's face being... fuzzy.

It was a bit disconcerting, and Roy found himself wondering just why he was taking such an active dislike to Ed with facial hair. He of course told himself that it wasn't the 'age' issue, of course it wasn't. Edward was now a man, in his early twenties and conducted himself as such. The General was very proud of the man that Edward Elric was becoming. He'd always been confident and strong, but in his chosen profession he was learning many valuable new things, like compromise.

Children had a tendency to be the best teachers. Especially to those who lost their own childhood.

Still, just because Edward was growing up; no, had grown up, didn't mean he needed to look the part.

The General worked his jaw; maybe Edward was right; maybe he was a pedophile. He sat over onto his hip, looking down at the young man sucking on the corner of a pillow in a heart shaped bed in a honeymoon suite log cabin on an idyllic lake. If he was a pedophile, then why hadn't he looked at other boys? Why had it been all women up until Ed walked onto the scene? It stands to logic that if he was a pedophile, he should have been pedoing long before Edward came to throw chaos into his life. So why was it Edward and not some other fetching young man? There were several around; or maybe they were just too old for him. Roy felt a little twinge of alarm; was he a pedo all along and just didn't know it because there were no twelve-year-old army recruits at the time?

But wait, it wasn't the twelve-year-old Edward that made him shift uncomfortably in his desk chair, that had been the fifteen-year-old, should he feel better about that? After all, fifteen-year-olds where older than twelve-year-olds by a margin of three whole years, so that should be alright, shouldn't it?

Somewhere in the middle of this internal dissertation on his pedophilic tendencies Edward had opened his eyes. He lay with one eyebrow raised, studying his lover.

“Good morning! Let me take you out for breakfast, why don't you go shower and shave,” Roy said brightly, hopping off the bed.

Edward stretched and rolled over, dangled one leg off the side of the bed for a few moments and yawned.

“You know, I don't think you've had enough vacations to know how to act during one,” Ed said, eyeing Roy drowsily. “You're way to fucking cheerful for this early in the morning. It's almost like we're going to work.”

“Nothing wrong with being up early and ready to start the day,” Roy said, opening the closet and surveying it's contents. “I thought I might let you try driving today...”

He'd barely got the words out when Ed was up and off the bed and striding into the bathroom. Ed didn't waste much time in there, either. Roy had barely gotten dressed when Ed opened the door and a burst of steam heralded his entrance back into the main room. He too, came over to the closet and gave his wardrobe the eye. He hadn't shaved.

“Did you brush your teeth?” Roy asked casually.

Ed gave him a funny look as he reached in the closet for a shirt, then he suddenly flashed his teeth, baring them in a bit of a snarl.

“I see you washed your hair,” Roy commented, nudging a pair of nice slacks toward Ed's hand.

“I washed my ass, too,” Ed said, snatching a different pair of pants from the closet, “is there a point to this?”

Roy pointed vaguely at his own chin.

“I think you forgot to shave,” he pointed out helpfully.

“Oooh,” Ed said with a nod. “Right, I forgot and I'm not going to remember anytime soon,” and he went to get fresh linens and dress.

“I need your driving gloves,” Ed said once he was fully dressed. Roy tore his gaze away from Ed's prickly cheeks.


“Why?” Roy asked.

“You said you were going to teach me to drive, you're not backing out, are you?” Ed leaned forward a little, his brows making an evil 'v' shape and the corners of his mouth turning down. Coupled with his golden eyes he looked almost demonic, Roy could see why his academy nickname was 'Divine Retribution.'

“No, of course not,” Roy said, “I just don't know why you want my driving gloves.”

“For driving, of course,” Ed said in a tone that clearly denoted that surely Roy realized Ed didn't have his own driving gloves because as of yet, he didn't drive.

“You'll stretch them, your hands are ... wide,” Roy said, frowning.

“What?! My hands aren't fat! None of me is fat!” Ed huffed.

“I didn't say that, I said they were wide. The automail will stretch them, they're leather,” Roy said, pointing.

“No it won't, my hands aren't fat, automail can't be fat. Look, it's not any bigger than my other hand... Winry wouldn't make fat automail, are you nuts or something? You better never let her hear you say that,” Ed huffed.

“I'm not going to tell her, so if she finds out...” he gave Ed a meaningful look.

“Shouldn't I have a scarf and some goggles?” Ed asked.

“I don't know, are you planning to make the car fly?” Roy said. “Because if you are, I think I might be considering backing out.”

Ed snorted and then dashed to the door and pulled it open.

“Let's go!” he grinned and hopped out onto the porch. “Give me the keys!”

Roy sauntered after him, keys still firmly in his pocket. Edward bouncing in excitement was certainly a lovely sight as long as Roy didn't linger on the whiskers on Edward's face.

“I'm driving to breakfast, and then after that we'll find a nice deserted road and get you going with the basics,” he told his grinning lover.

“Ok, fair enough, I'm starving... for some reason I want french toast,” and Ed hopped over the porch railing and trotted over to the roadster.

**

Al poked his head into the office and then eased through the door, pulling it quietly shut behind him. No one was really about and that was just as well as far as he was concerned. He wished he'd stopped in the men's room on the way up and checked himself in the mirror at least one more time. A superstitious feel to the back of his head still revealed a bare neck and close clipped hair line.

He waited several nervous moments, hovering before Riza's desk before he loosened up enough to walk over to the window and glance out. He caught his half reflection in the polished glass and turned his head to profile, lifting his eyebrow and squaring his jaw.

Indeed losing the hair seem to have... matured him, refined him like a good wine. He felt virile and, dare he say it? Manly. It seemed that with the shortening of his locks some inner male-ness that has therefore been suppressed by his ponytail has sprang to the surface and gave him the desired aging effect he'd been longing for all this time.

Surely Riza would agree. She would be impressed, (and he always wanted to impress her), and perhaps feel better about being seen on his arm. Not that she seemed to mind being seen on his arm, ponytail not withstanding, but still, at least to his own mind, he felt that he'd bettered himself for her eyes.

He felt older.

He heard the door open behind him and turned around.

**

Ed lifted his chin and studied himself in the rear view mirror. They were sitting on a gravel road, the top of the roadster down. He was full of breakfast and he was in the driver's seat. Life was good.

“It makes me look older,” he suddenly purred. “Sophisticated, learned. I like this look.”

Roy rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked anywhere but at his preening lover. He has his own views on sophisticated and learned and neither of them involved Ed growing a bristle brush on his face.

“Right,” Roy interjected. “Ok, this is the gear shift,” and he put his hand over the balled end of the lever sticking up from the floorboard.

“Don't you think it makes me look older?” Ed pressed.

“Driving a car? Yes, I'm sure that will make you look older,” Roy evaded.

Ed opened his mouth again, but Roy jumped ahead.

“Left square pedal is the clutch, right square pedal is the break, the long pedal is the gas,” he rushed ahead. “This is the hand break, this is the gear shift, the big dial right in front of you is the speedometer.”

Ed's gaze was darting back and forth as Roy spoke and pointed, he was nodding slightly and his fingers strayed over the hand break and up to the gear shift, settling over the back of Roy's hand as it still rested there.

“This is how you put the car in gear. The 'R' is for reverse... but you know that,” and Roy grinned and Ed reddened slightly under all that damnable facial hair and snorted. “This is neutral, this is first gear, second gear, third gear and so on,” Roy said. “You will need to press the clutch before changing gears and you determine the changing of the gears by the sound of the engine, did you pay attention like I told you to when we were driving over here?”

“Yes, yes,” Ed said impatiently.

“I guess it's good that's the side your automail is on or we could call you a real lead foot,” and Roy grinned at his own joke. “Get it?”

Ed looked at him blankly.

“You don't get it do you?” Roy said, disappointed that his comedic genius was always so underappreciated.

“Can I crank it now?” Ed said.

“Fine,” Roy sighed. “Put your foot on the break and your other foot on the clutch, then crank it. After you get it cranked put your hand on the hand break and push the button, ease up on it then push it down.”

Ed pressed the brake and clutch almost to the floor, grabbed the keys and turned them with enough force that Roy thought they would twist in the ignition. Then he grabbed the hand break, jerked it up and slammed it down and returned both hands to the wheel and gave Roy a cocky grin that went straight to Roy's groin.

“Ok,” Roy said, “that's done. Now you're going to ease up on the brake. Clutch to the floor, right foot on the gas. Put the gear shift in first gear and start easing up on the clutch. As the clutch comes up we'll start moving a little bit, that's fine.”

Ed kept nodding and he gripped the gear shift. His eyes darted to Roy's in a moment of doubt, but then he set his jaw, (his hair encrusted jaw), and managed to wiggle the stick into first gear. He cautiously tapped the gas once and the car made a shudder and an eager sound. Ed seemed to shiver all over at it and then he began to lift his foot from the clutch.

**

“Alphonse, I didn't expect you to stop by today,” the Colonel said as she came back into her office, her dog at her heels, a file in her hands. She stopped and tilted her head, her slight smile never leaving her face.

“Somethings different,” she said, “you've cut your hair.”

In that very instant, Al's mind was suddenly flooded with the squeal of the steno-pool. I love what you've done with your hair! Private A would say to Private B. It's so darling and short! It must be very easy to manage! they'd titter. His former budding manliness fled squealing like a steno-pool secretary itself and Al reached up and slapped the back of his neck. Tried to stop the heat in his cheeks and please, oh please, don't let him mumble.

“Oh, yeah,” he mumbled anyway, “what do you think?”

“I like it,” the Colonel said, making her way over to her desk, “It's very...”

Darling! Al's mind screamed.

“Professional,” she said. “It's a good look for a young business man.”

“Well, that's what I thought, too,” Al lied. “I thought it was time I looked my age,” he emphasized, ignoring her 'young business man' remark.

Riza nodded, lying the file on her desk, she stepped over to him and reached up to neaten his collar.

“Just so,” she said softly. “Did you have an errand in this part of town?” she asked.

The last remnants of whatever age-edifying feeling the shorning of his hair had left him fled before her touch on his shirt. It was all he could do not to duck his head and shuffle his feet.

“I... no, not really,” he confessed, one tiny lie was one too many to her in his book.

She brushed down the front of his vest and then smiled up into his eyes.

“You came to see me then?” she seemed rather pleased at the random visit.

“No, I came to see Hayate,” he tried to joke, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

She laughed and moved away then, he caught himself before reaching for her, she was at work after all.

“Hayate has more of a social life than I do,” she countered. “He's very popular you know, he has quite the circle of admirers.”

Hayate, for his part, was rather oblivious to the fact Al was a visitor for his royal self. He had already lain down on his pillow and showed no inclination to get up and be attentive of his guest.

“What are you going to do with the rest of your day?” she asked.

You mean besides hang around and moon over you?

“Since I'm in town I might as well pick up a few things, browse a book store, meet you for dinner?” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets and smiling.

“I get off promptly at 5:30,” she said with a graceful nod.

He wandered back into the hall, heading for the stairs. Lieutenant Harper passed him in the hall on the way back to the office, stopped and turned around.

“Alphonse?” she asked and he turned to smile at her, nod his head.

“Wow, you cut your hair,” she grinned. “It looks good on you, makes you look older.”

He bounced down the stairs after that.

**

Roy almost brained himself on the dashboard and reached up quickly to grab the edge of the windshield.

“Fuck!” Ed shrieked, yet again and the little roadster shimmied in anger and missed gear offense. They sat idling for a moment.

Ed struggled with the gear shift and managed to get it back in neutral, he grit his teeth, jammed the clutch to the floor but then for some inexplicable reason hit the gas. The roadster roared in place and Roy yelped and felt his ass get about a foot of clearance off the seat.

“Yeah, ok don't say it,” Ed yelled over the noise “That was stupid. I'll get it, I'll get it,” the tip of his tongue was sticking out of the corner of his mouth and despite the situation and facial stubble Roy wanted to grope him in the back seat.

With some grunts and the fortification of a few extra swear words, Ed got the roadster off and moving again. They were on a small gravel and dirt road that seemed to circle the lake. It seemed like a nice, quiet place to let Ed grind a few gears on the rental car. But Ed's inexperience, coupled with the pitted and bumpy road was not falling in line with the idyllic driving lesson Roy had planned. In his version, Ed struggled but prevailed, was rather pleased with himself and turned cuddly, (Ed often did this when he was feeling accomplished. Nothing turned Roy on more than a confident Ed achieving a personal goal). Then they had mind shattering sex in the back seat.

That was the plan.

Instead, as many of their plans went, it was all askew and frenzied. Ed managed to get the car into second gear rather successfully and the scenery started to fly by, perhaps a little faster than Roy would like. By another successful gear change, they were close to 40 mph and Roy sat back a little nervously and tried not to grip the dashboard or hand break or anything else in a panicky way lest Ed got offended. But just the look on Ed's face was enough to make Roy decide that flirting with his life in a speeding roadster with the Fullmetal Alchemist was worth it.

The grin on Ed's jaw was razor. His ponytail waved as his banner and his flag behind him. He looked... jaunty, one hand resting on the wheel, the other on the gear shift, eyes trained straight ahead. He must have caught Roy looking at him out of the corner of his eye because he turned his head and winked.

Roy couldn't help himself. He wasn't sure how his hand found it's way onto Ed's thigh. He would swear on a stack of bibles it was never his intention to feel Ed up while he was doing 40 down a windy gravel road around a lake.

But he did it all the same.

At first it seemed like a good idea to Ed, too. He was adrenaline stoked and feeling cocky and proud. They shared a hard, quick kiss so Ed could get his eyes back on the road.

Roy's hand crept over to press and massage Ed's inner thigh, and Roy was sure Ed was purring, but he couldn't be heard over the roar of the wind. He leaned over a bit more, nipping at Ed's shoulder, (lightly because of the automail, but he was always certain Ed felt it) and moved his fingers up Ed's thigh to rub the sides of his knuckles lightly against his crotch.

This would be where the plans took a ghastly turn in the wrong direction. Edward jumped, just a little, but he also reacted and neither of them noticed for a few vital moments that the gas pedal suddenly went all the way to the floor. Instead, they were grinning at each other like loons.

The General, just as he was about to practice his technique of trying to remove Ed's tonsils without the need for surgery, happened to glance at the road.

Panic is a notorious procrastinator. When it first registers, the first thing it does is send all the vital organs on a brief coffee break. The most notable slackers around the water cooler are, of course, the vocal chords and the thought process. They both take their time, because they are underappreciated and deserve this break, before finally meandering back to their desks to answer the wildly blinking red phones of doom.

It's usually too late by this point to take a memo and run it all they way up to cerebrum central and tap politely on the inner General's office door, lest he be up to something naughty with the figment Edwards yet again.

While the logical part of the brain milled outside an office door, wondering if it would be all right to just walk on in and take a camera, the less organized and more physical side of the brain decided now was the time to take action into it's own hand. The vocal chords owed it a favor, so now it was going to cash in.

“BRAKE!” the General screamed, more or less right into Ed's ear and Ed flailed before jamming his foot onto the clutch and trying to shy away from a busted eardrum, and in doing so, wrenching the steering wheel far, far to the left and off what little road there was to begin with and onto what seemed to be a grassy slope.

“NO, NO THE OTHER BRAKE!” the General shouted and more or less threw himself, head first into the floorboard, trying to jam the pedal down with both hands. By now, Ed's panic center had shot off the first memo to his cerebrum central, and at the helm there was an Edward but also an advisory Al, so Ed reacted a bit faster than Roy, lifting his automail foot and bringing it right down on top of Roy's hands on the brake pedal.

Roy, of course, jerked up and slammed the back of his head on the underside of the steering wheel, causing the visual unit to report to cerebrum central that there were stars in the floorboard of the roadster, and who knew? The digit recon unit was reporting back at the same time, they were certain that Armageddon was reigning supreme in each and every finger Roy possessed. Their advise consisted of suggesting that the inner General shriek a lot and then pout for attention, or a hospital, or possibly both.

The visual unit turned on the waterworks, to see if they could get rid of the sparklies and the General heeded the advise of the inner General and shrieked and tried to chew through Ed's automail leg to free his flattened appendages.

It was then Ed's vocal chords got switched back on.

“LAKE!” Ed said, then the pressure was off Roy's hand and Roy could have kissed him, only Ed seemed to be trying to crawl over the front seat and into the back. Well, that wasn't right, who was going to drive the car now?

Just when Roy was about to make a snarky and exasperated comment about somebody steering the car there was a sudden hard and jarring thump, then a strange gurgling sound and the engine sputtered and died. This was fine with Roy, his head was really pounding and the sudden silence was nice.

“Roy!” Ed's voice was all high and squeaky, it was really amusing, and Roy wanted to make a comment on that too, but Ed interrupted him again.

“Come on! Come on! It's sinking!” Ed shrieked. He then reached over the front seat and grabbed Roy by the back of his collar and heaved.

Roy was unceremoniously dragged over the front seat and into the back. Ed kept a firm grip on him, even when Roy tried to swat his hand and ended up swatting his automail wrist, which made his bruised, (and possibly mangled and broken digits) ache anew, and he went limp and whined. The automail sure had it out for him today. Edward grunted, heaved him again and that was when Roy noticed all the water around them, and it seemed to be getting higher, was there a flood and he hadn't noticed?

“Here goes nothing,” Ed said behind him and took a deep breath. “You know I swim about as well as you sing, and we both know that is not at all. Take a deep breath.”

Roy wondered why his head was buzzing and blinked a few times to clear his vision.

“I never claimed I could sing,” he mumbled, his semi-concussion euphoria starting to fade. “What... are we in the lake?”

“Brilliant, Einstein,” Ed snorted, “and the longer we fuck around here the deeper we're getting, we're going in!” And Ed stepped off the back of the car, Roy's collar still gripped tightly in his automail hand.

“Ein-who?” Roy got out before going under.

**

Hayate strained at the end of his leash, panting eagerly toward the doorway his mistress had disappeared into.

“No Hayate, no dogs in the coffee shop,” Al said good naturedly. “Let's find a table on the sidewalk, ok? She'll be back in a minute.”

Hayate reluctantly conceded Al's semi-dominion in the absence of his true leader and trotted dutifully at Al's heels to a small ornate rod iron bistro table and chair set. Al sat in one of the chairs and Hayate sat at his feet, looking back toward the shop Riza had disappeared into.

“I wish Sophie would walk on a leash,” Al mused aloud. “I feel bad about leaving her on her own, but then again, she doesn't seem to mind.” He smiled at the little black and white dog, and Hayate wagged his tail.

Al leaned over to be conspiratorially close to the little dog and Hayate lifted his nose to sniff at Al's chin then give it a lick.

“You know, if things go well you're going to have to learn to get along with Sophie,” he said in a near whisper. “I would really appreciate any help you could give me to that end. I know putting up with a cat might seem like a terrible burden, but in the end I think you'll reap the benefits. With both of us we could afford a place with a proper yard...” Al trailed off as Riza emerged from the coffee shop, two white porcelain latte mugs in her hands. She spotted him and smiled and headed over. Behind her trotted one of the shop attendants with a bowl.

Riza sat a mug in front of him.

“With vanilla powder, as you like it,” she said and then sat down her own mug. She took the bowl form the shopkeeper, nodded her thanks and sat it down in front of Hayate.

“A bit of coffee and warm milk, as you like it,” she told the small dog. Then she took her own seat.

Al lifted his mug and inhaled, closing his eyes for a moment, then took a cautious sip to test temperature.

“So what were you and Hayate conspiring about when I came out of the shop?” Riza gently teased. “I hope it's not about where he should be hiding soup bones again.”

“Nothing like that, we're reformed now, aren't we Hayate?” Al said.

Hayate paused in his rhythmic lapping to wag his tail at the sound of his name, then, satisfied that obligation was settled, returned to his bowl of milk-coffee.

Riza settled back in her chair, she too used her latte as aromatherapy before risking her tongue to the heat.

“We should go somewhere this weekend,” Al said. “There are plenty of tour books in the bookstore on the square, we could find a local attraction.”

“Or an Inn and make the night of it,” Riza said.

“We... we could do that,” Al nodded.

An Inn

Make the night of it

All the hairs on the back of his recently bared neck began to stand on end, (not that they could stand very far, being as short as they were now). He and Riza, together, alone, all night, in an Inn. He took a very large sip of his latte and then held his breath to keep from yelping as the inside of his mouth reached an oven-like temperature.

“There are some nice bed and breakfasts not to far outside of East City,” Riza said. “I've read about them in the travel and leisure section of the paper.”

She'd been reading about Inns. She probably had a favorite picked out. They were going to an Inn where they would be alone, together, all night. Al nudged the needle on the stuck record in his mind.

Alone, all night, together, in an Inn.

“Did you find one you liked?” he asked, opening his mouth to let his tongue have some air, it was sweating it seemed.

“I did,” she nodded. “I read about one called The Cumberland, it's about an hour or so south of East City, in the hill district of Hopeswell.”

Al, of course, had been to most places, and had probably passed through Hopeswell at some point in his well traveled youth, but he couldn't find a mental file on it, it was probably just a place to stare at from a moving passenger car.

“It's located at a historical site,” Riza continued. “It has many hiking trails, they offer horseback riding; it seems very peaceful.”

Al smiled and tried his latte again, finding it acceptable and only slightly stinging to his already singed mouth.

“I take it I can find their number in the paper?” he asked.

“I saved the clipping,” Riza said, her own latte of great interest to her.

It's almost like she'd planned it.

**

Ed lay sprawled on his back in the grass on the slope, but Roy was sitting up, leaning back on his hands and looking at the butt of the roadster, the only thing still visible of the car with it's nose in the lake.

“Did you like that car?” Roy finally asked the sprawled young man behind him.

“Sure, I really liked it. I liked that the top went down and I liked the spokes on the hubcaps, what was not to like? It's even a nice color,” Ed returned.

“Good, because I'm pretty sure the company I rented it from isn't going to want it back. It looks like we just bought you a car,” Roy said.

Ed sat straight up. Just from lying flat to upright, just like that. Roy suppressed a jealous grumble. No rolling onto his side and using his hands to push up from Edward, (or flailing like a turtle until he was offered a hand up).

“My car?” Ed said in a small voice.

“Yes,” Roy said. “If we can get it out of the lake and get it to run again. I guess if we can't you can always use it as a planter...”

Ed was suddenly up on his feet. Just like that, from sitting upright to up on his feet, like one fluid motion. How was he doing that? There must be some trick to that, because the General wasn't that old, and he had to get onto his knees and put his hand on the edge of the desk, or take someone's hand and then get to his feet. Maybe there was some kind of spring mechanism in the automail that Roy didn't know about, designed to propel one to their feet when needed.

The General's eyes widened when Edward turned to him with a large manic grin and held out both hands.

“Come on, get up,” he crowed. “I have to get my car out of the lake!”

“I think that's easier said that done,” Roy snorted, taking Ed's hands and being hauled to his feet.

“Oh ye of little faith,” Ed grinned and wiggled his fingers before rubbing his palms together. “With enough motivation I've seen ants move mountains. So if I get it out, I get to keep it, right?”

“Ed, what do you think you're going to do with it? The engine probably has a good foot or so of mud shoved into it, the leather will be all water damaged,” Roy waved his hands at the car. “If you want a car that badly, you can call the one at home your car...”

“Not the same,” Ed said. “This is mine. Now stand back,” Ed laced his fingers and cracked his knuckles, “It's been a long time since I've had to be creative with transmuting.”

That was enough incentive for Roy to climb the slope all the way up to the road.

Ed paced back and forth for a moment on the bank, before going still and then clapping his hands. He held them there, templed and upright, his elbows straight out to either side of him. For all his faithlessness, here lie his faith. A religion of science, a belief in himself; a church with no delegation but a fanatical leader and an almost godly power.

He knelt and laid his hands on the ground. There was a long, unbroken silence and Roy shifted from foot to foot, waiting and watching. As he was about to call down to Ed and ask him if his transmuter was broken, (and wondered if Ed could come up with some smartass comeback. Probably not, Ed was never good at one liners.), the lake around the car began to ripple and churn.

The roadster began to rock back and forth slowly and Ed seemed to be doing the same thing on the bank. They swayed together, then Ed seemed to lean backward, as he did so the butt of the roadster rose up, just barely and the water almost looked like it was boiling. Ed leaned forward, then back again, hard and the roadster lurched and then there was a loud sucking sound. The sound grew in volume and the hair on Roy's arms began to stand up. It made him think of cheap whores for some reason. A whole chorus of them, standing on a street corner in too short, too tight skirts; their painted lips puckered. Of course, his mind pulled up the association to one very drunken, post-academy graduation night. Later on Maes assured him that despite what his eyes had told him, in reality there had only been two prostitutes and one of them kissed like a lamprey.

He'd had a hickey for a month.

What jarred him back to the situation at hand was the air being filled with an overwhelming 'pop'. Just like that, 'pop'. And the little roadster came free of it's muddy prison and shot back out onto the grassy slope, landing on it's wheels and rattling loudly.

You would think that would be that, but it wasn't. Instead, the roadster began to roll right back toward the water, and Roy pointed and raised his voice in a half exclamation when a giant grass hand appeared before the car and stopped it in it's tracks. After a moment the roadster began to roll backwards, leaving the hand where it stood to slowly and alchemically melt back into the ground. The grassy slope suddenly turned into a reflection of the lake itself as it rippled and waved in an imitation of the water. At each crest of a green 'wave', the roadster was pushed a little further up the slope; until finally it came to rest on the road and Roy walked over to it, leaned inside and pulled the handbrake up.

From the bank Ed let out a whoop and Roy looked up to see him bounding up the slope. Once he reached the road, he threw himself over the roadster's hood and sighed.

“My car!” He lifted his head to grin at Roy. “I can't wait to tell Al, he'll be so jealous,” and Ed let out a little evil giggle that was so very unlike him Roy wondered if the whole driving experience hadn't unhinged him somehow. And how unfair that would be when in truth, it should be Roy getting to act like a moron, he'd had the head injury, after all.

“I'm sure Al will be thrilled for you have a mildewy, non-working car,” Roy said, hands on hips. “How do you think we're going to get this back to the cabin? And for that matter, what are we going to drive home?”

“What does it matter?” Ed purred and rolled over onto his back, still stretched out partially on the hood. “We still have more than a week left, you'll think of something, you always do,” then Ed pushed up and let his eyes go to half mast.

“Let's have sex in my car,” he said, voice going to just this side of husky.

Roy blinked a couple of times, looked around, then looked at Ed again. He wasn't going to say 'with me' this time, because obviously it was with him, (and he was the only other person around). What really frightened him was his own, sudden, hesitation.

“The car's all wet,” Roy said, waving at it.

“So?” Ed said and slid off the hood and just leaned against the car. “So are we, but you know what? I can fix all that.” Ed straightened up, held out his hands. “Observe, nothing up my sleeves,” then he clapped, “and presto, chango!” He put his hands on his own chest and a sudden fine mist of water flew off him in all directions. It shimmered for a moment around him, before dropping to the ground. He grinned at Roy.

“The trick is not letting the transmutation touch your skin,” he said with a wink. He then rubbed his hands together and gave the roadster the manic eye and Roy stepped back, not like it would have mattered if he'd gotten any wetter.

The roadster received the same water shaking as it's new owner and it even seemed to shimmy like a dog that had took a dip in the lake rather than being a car that got driven into the lake, which was what it was.

Roy was polite enough to clap, after all, it was a fine display of delicate transmuting.

“Your turn,” Ed said cheerfully and waved him over. How could Roy resist that smile and the all over almost-bounce of happiness Ed was vibrating with? He walked over and put his arms around Ed and Ed grinned, clapped his hands behind Roy's back and made him dry.

“That's pretty handy,” Roy purred next to his ear. “Something you learned on the road?”

“Yes,” Ed said, pressing and molding to Roy's body. “I was always getting rained on or car splashed, it was very useful.”

“Kept Al from rusting?” Roy murmured and caught an earlobe between his lips.

“Yes,” Ed said and squirmed a bit.

Roy backed Ed against his car, ran one hand up to the back of his neck to grip and hold him, then the other down his side to his hip. Edward made no protest at all, in fact he whimpered enticingly and arched his hips against Roy's. Roy felt the bristle of Ed's facial hair against his cheek and sighed. Still, it was a small price to pay for getting put his hands and mouth anywhere he pleased, and Ed would shave it off once they got home; so he could endure it for now.

The next phase was getting the door open, the seat pulled up and negotiating their way into the back seat.

“It's a good thing being a soldier has made me so adaptable,” Roy grunted as they both jockeyed for position. Roy grabbed Ed and maneuvered him around until he was on his hands and knees, his butt nestled against Roy's crotch.

“You think you're adaptable?” Ed snorted. “You whine when you get a hang nail and we are away from home and away from your clippers. You won't just yank it out with your teeth, like I do, that is adaptable,” and Ed nodded and then ground his rump against Roy's crotch.

Roy gave him one quickly, hard thrust against his backside then wrapped his arms around Edward, going for his belt buckle.

“Not all of us are masochists,” the elder alchemist panted. “And not all of us like the taste of blood, especially not our own. The way you suck on your finger after you've done that is downright gruesome.” Roy pulled the belt open and worked on the button and zipper.

“You do that so it doesn't get infected,” Ed panted, rocking back and forth a bit, making it difficult for Roy to concentrate. “It's not like I do that all the time, if there are clippers handy, I use those.”

“We should get an extra travel set and keep them in the glove box of the car,” Roy said when he could think again. “Then neither of us will be without them.”

“You mean in the glove box with your tissues, comb, mirror, cologne, and spare razor? You think they would fit?” Ed wiggled his hips as Roy began to tug his pants down over his hips. Roy then grabbed his boxers and gave them a yank before fishing in his own pocket for the bottle of lube he'd remembered to bring with them.

“I'm sure some compromise could be reached,” Roy growled, undoing his own pants before opening the small bottle and wetting his fingers. “Everything in that glove box is practical.”

“I think you should just get a purse,” Ed said, then yelped a little and turned to glare over his shoulder.

“Ooops,” Roy said, “fingers slipped.”

“I'll slip you one right into...,” but Ed trailed off, eyes half closing. “Slip them a little to the left,” he panted after a bit and licked his lips.

Roy smiled slowly and moved to accommodate. With his free hand he pushed Ed's shirt up his back and leaned over to lick up his bared spine. Ed made a delicious little sound and pushed back a bit.

“You know, if we were in the sedan at home doing this we'd have more room,” Roy murmured against Ed's skin, pressing and spreading with his fingers firmly buried. Roy's other hand slid around Edward's side to his belly and then down. He casually fingered the head of Ed's erection before gripping it loosely. He began to move the fingers inside Ed in the same motion he stroked Ed's cock.

Ed just whimpered in response. He reached up with his automail hand and gripped the back of the driver's seat, his other hand gripped the edge of the ragtop that was folded back. He raised himself up a bit and pushed back again and Roy groaned and slowly pulled his fingers free, released his cock and reached up to grip Ed's hips.

Roy guided him, back and down, right into his lap. Ed gasped out and curled his spine when the head of Roy's own cock seated against his anus and Roy nudged but didn't press to enter. Ed licked his lips and waited, schooling his breathing. Roy's fingers pressed tightly; he dug in with his thumbs, working them back and forth slowly, and he held Ed there, suspended and trembling.

“You know what? We're going to fuck in your car,” Roy leaned forward and hissed in the blond's ear.

“Oh yessss,” Edward groaned and gripped the door frame harder, tried to push himself down onto Roy's cock. But the General tightened his grip and held him off.

“In the back seat, out in the open, by a lake,” the General continued. He lipped Ed's earlobe. “It's leather, hand stitched, down stuffed. It's a really nice car.”

Ed's eyes rolled back and he shook. He tried to speak, perhaps coherently, but it only came out as a gurgle. So instead, to express his interest in participating in this erotic activity the General was suggesting; he grunted and tried to shove himself down, yet again.

Roy didn't quite catch him this time, but he halted his progress. Roy took several deep breaths for control. Ed groaned and snarled, tried to overcome the grip Roy had on his waist.

They fought like this for a moment, but Roy was at a clear disadvantage. He'd given over years ago. Ed conquered him, overwhelmed him; sank onto him, coming upright. Ed's back touched his chest and Roy wrapped both arms around him, held him; deep inside him at the same time. Ed shook his head, his ponytail slapping Roy in the face and Roy's hand dropped, over Ed's stomach, down between his legs. He gripped him, taking Ed's cock by the base, wrapping his fingers around it firmly. Ed dropped his chin to his chest; grabbed the back of the front seat, Roy used his grip to guide Ed up. Ed gasped, rising up on his knees and then Roy used the same grip to guide Ed down and Ed sank back into his lap.

Here is where Ed surrendered; only in this. Roy pressed his face into his lover's back; stroking and goading, teasing and guiding. Ed moved to the pace Roy set for him, complaining bitterly, but acquiesing all the same. But Roy's control began to slip, in a desperate attempt to try and keep the upper hand in the situation, Roy ground his nose into Ed's spine. He rather hoped the pain of trying to crush all the cartilage in his nose would be enough to keep him from letting Ed bounce in his lap, which seemed to be what Ed wanted to do. It wasn't enough however and Ed began to use Roy's thighs like a high tension diving board.

In accordance with the terms of Roy's imminent surrender, Roy signed over all rights to move his hand in a languid up and down fashion. His wrist was handed over to Ed's steel grip and his people tried to negotiate a pace with Ed's people, but it just wasn't working out. It seemed the terms of Ed's cease-fire was a non-conditional thing. Roy was sized up, sorted out and put to work in the capacity best deemed for his prisoner of Ed status; and that capacity was to provide an orgasm not only worthy of his new ruler, but to be quick about doing it.

Seeking any sort of truce at this point was futile and the General flailed around for his own hand hold on the car. The leader of Ed, (who, ironically enough, was called 'Ed'), made it clear he had a zero tolerance policy when it came to not getting off and Roy, a mere peon in the new Elric Army, was put on double-time for the rest of his stint as trampoline with a dick.

When he came, it was to the loud and frantic orders of his leader who was currently broadcasting his rapture at the top of his lungs across the lake.

**

“How are we going to get it back to the cabin, let alone back to Central?” the General asked later, lying on his back in the grass of the slope, arms folded behind his head.

“At the moment, I don't really care,” Ed sighed. Then he stretched and rolled up onto his side, facing Roy, he rested his cheek in his palm, elbow serving as a prop. He gave Roy a lazy, satisfied smile when the General turned his head to look at him.

“You look sated,” Roy grinned and preened, just a bit. “I guess I still got it.”

“What you really have is me,” Ed said with a laugh. “You know, the guy who thinks you walk on water only you didn't hear that from his lips.”

Roy felt like he could carry the damn car back to Central after that. But instead he got to his feet, pulled Ed to his own feet. They walked to the top of the gravel road where they had a brief, directional inspired skirmish and a little bit of finger pointing and a who's who about how the car got into the lake.

Several hours later not only had they found the town, but gotten a ride to the nearest garage and then had another ride in the back of a truck to where the roadster had been left. Roy sat on a handkerchief in the back of the pick-up, because his pants were linen, he pointed out and Ed rolled his eyes. Ed was amazed that Roy could keep his ass on the tiny square of cloth the whole way back.

They got the roadster hitched up with a chain and Ed climbed in to steer it while the pick-up truck was used to tow it. Only the pick-up truck stalled before they reached the gravel road and they all had to get out and the pick-up had to be unhitched and pushed to the paved road. There it was tinkered with by its owner while Roy and Ed stood by and offered all sorts of unhelpful advice. They both had the audacity to blink in surprise when the man got the pick-up cranked, climbed in it and drove off leaving them standing there. They had been helpful, dammit, and if the man couldn't take a joke about his butt crack showing while he was hanging inside the hood of his pick-up, well they didn't need him anyway.

Roy complained a little about that to Ed, reiterating that Ed needed to study up on 'tact' more and low-brow humor less; but he conceded he knew Ed just couldn't help himself at certain times and was willing to forgive and forget this little incident because they were on vacation and Ed ought to be able to get away with a few things.

“You push, I'll steer,” Ed said, hopping into the roadster and giving Roy a bright grin. “It will be easy, this car is much smaller than that truck and we pushed it all the way to the road.”

“It was easy because there were three of us pushing it, now we are down to two and suddenly we're down to one in the pushing department,” Roy said, folding his arms.

“Well who is going to steer it when it starts moving?” Ed asked.

“Get out and push from that side with your hand on the steering wheel,” the General said, walking up to the passenger side of the car. “When we get it up to the road maybe we can flag down someone.”

Ed snorted, but got out and shut the door. He stood for a moment, hands on hips, figuring out how he was going to push and steer. He put a hand over the door frame and the other on the steering wheel and looked at Roy.

“This is awkward, I don't think I can push and steer, and I'm lighter than you, I should get in and steer while you push,” he informed him.

“I can't push this by myself,” Roy argued. “I know you're eager to drive it, but trust me when I say that driving it while it's moving under it's own power will be much more satisfying then driving it under my power, which won't be much unless you help.”

Ed grumbled but nodded, and watched as Roy reached in to jiggle the gear shift. Then Roy opened the side door, slide in, hooked his leg over the gear shift and pushed down on the clutch, having done that he could move the stick to neutral and the car began to roll... backwards.

It rolled right over Ed's left foot, thankfully, before Roy managed to get it stopped again. It was at this time, after Ed stopped yelling about his foot, that they both decided that picking on the only human in shouting distance with a pick-up truck had been a bad idea.

“Let's just walk back to somewhere we can get a ride back to the cabins and tomorrow I'll use the phone at the tavern and call someone, I don't know who. Maybe Havoc, he's under my command and won't snitch on me if I blubber and beg to be rescued from this godforsaken, beautiful countryside!” the General informed Ed while waving his arms around.

“What?! I don't want to go home yet, we still got a lot of vacation days left!” Ed argued, waving his own arms around. “I'm not ready to go back yet, I'm still unwinding, I'm tight as a watch spring, ask anyone! All my students asked me if I was going to have a nice, long, relaxing break and I said yes! I'm going to have a nice, long, relaxing break even if it kills you,” Ed said, pointing now in lieu of waving.

The General put his hands on his hips, mouth turning down at the side in a frown. He studied Ed but kept his mouth shut. They both knew good and well the real reason they were here to 'unwind'. But bringing it up would accomplish nothing. Ed fell silent too, and turned to look off down the road. Roy moved forward then, dropped his arm over Ed's shoulder and indulged in a brief nosing of the top of Ed's head.

“Isn't it nice that all of this trauma is about a car?” Roy asked, and gave Ed's shoulder a squeeze. “Just a car?”

“Yeah,” Ed said with a nod. “If you look up 'it could have been worse' in the thesaurus I bet it has a picture of every damn one of us. Come on, if the town was that way then the cabins are this way,” and he started down the road.

“Every damn one of us and then some,” Roy agreed, falling into step beside him before stopping and turning around. “Are you sure town was that way?” he said after a moment.

**

10 days later.


Ed flopped face down onto the bed and squirmed all around on it, nosing pillows and tugging on the comforter.

“Did you miss me?” he asked the headboard. “I missed you, I bet it was lonely here for you, all the other bed sets in different rooms and none of you could move.”

Roy rolled his eyes and dumped his suitcase on the floor.

Ed sat up, rolled his shoulders and reached up to scratch his beard. Roy shuddered and turned to go back out into the hall so he didn't have to watch. He went back to pay the cab driver and get the final bags. It was odd to be in this foyer with R.D. not dancing at his heels. He'd have to fetch the dog first thing tomorrow and then he'd truly be home.

Ed had sprawled back out on the bed when Roy brought in the last of the bags and he still wasn't shaved. For some reason, Roy had it in his mind that the moment they'd crossed the threshold of their home, one of two things would happen. For one, all the hair on Ed's face would miraculously fall out in the foyer hallway, causing Roy to have to sweep and not complain about it for once, or, two, Ed would immediately go to the bathroom and shave.

Neither has happened so far, but it was still early yet and Roy held out hope. He wouldn't mind sweeping the bedroom floor either if it meant Ed would be beard-free.

“Come lay on the bed with me,” Ed said. “Didn't you miss it? It missed you.”

“If I do that, who is going to unpack?” Roy said. “It will still be there when we get ready for bed. Say, are you going to take a shower and shave?” he added hopefully.

“I guess so,” Ed said, stretching, his arms over his head. “But I have a couple of days before break is over,” he reached up to scratch at his chin again. “Come on, what's wrong? We had fourteen days off and we had sex almost eighteen times, tired of me now? Don't like the Ed in bed association anymore?” but Ed grinned, knowing the truth to be anything but.

Roy refrained from asserting it wasn't Ed in bed that bothered him, but the possibility of rug burn between his legs every time Ed got aggressive with his mouth. Or the fact his shoulders where covered with tiny puncture wounds from every time Ed decided to kiss him there and stab his with that hair above his lip.

“Why the sudden fascination with the facial hair?” Roy let slip out. Ed lifted his head from the bed and frowned at Roy. At least Roy thought he was frowning, it was hard to tell since Ed's mouth was lost in the fur jungle.

“What do you mean?” Ed said. “It's not a fascination. It's natural, it just grows there unless I cut it off, same as you.”

“But you've never let it grow before,” Roy said, checking himself to keep the whine out of his voice. “You said you were letting it grow for vacation, you're not planning on keep it, are you?” he also managed to keep the horror of the prospect out of his voice as well.

Ed sat up again, leaning back on his hands and crossed his legs.

“You know what I think?” he asked his General. “I think you have issues with me looking my age, that's what I think,” and Ed stuck his nose in the air. “I'm going to keep it,” he informed Roy's pale visage. “I'm going to clean it up and wear it like many scholars used to wear it,” he reached up to stroke the beard, then pinned Roy with his eyes and grinned wickedly. “You know, just around my lips and chin, what is that called? A goatee?”

Roy had been on his knees before this man before. In surrender, in desire, but this would be the first time in supplication.. if it came to that.
“I don't think it would suit you,” Roy managed with some dignity. “It's not about your age, we all know you're an adult now, Edward.”

“But you don't like it,” the man on his bed laughed.

There was a man on his bed and it made Roy's head swim a moment in consternation.

“The beard? No. Your age? Yes. You've matured, come of age like a fine wine. We are on equal footing and I like that very much,” the General said smoothly.

“Oh spoken like the Master Bullshitter I've known and loved all this time,” Ed said, flopping back on the bed again. “Well you can whimper all you like, the beard stays.”

“It scratches!” Roy blustered. “It's prickly and when you kiss me it's like kissing the rug we wipe our feet on at the back door! It's the wrong color! How can you have hair that color on your head and not on your face? You don't eat neatly enough to warrant it, I can tell you five separate occasions when you had food caught in it! It makes you look...”

“Older?” Ed interrupted.

“Shaggy!” the General finished out.

“Staying,” Ed sang out, not even bothering to lift his head.

“Oh my god, please shave it off, I just bought you a car for godsake!” Roy begged. The time for shamelessness was upon him.

“It's a non-working car,” Ed pointed out, “because you made me drive in into a lake, don't deny it.”

“It was an accident, because I was smitten with you, because you looked so happy I just had to touch you! That should count for something,” Roy wheedled.

“It's very nice, but not nice enough for me to make friends with the razor again,” Ed crosses his arms behind his head. “Sorry Roy, but the Professor is on his way to respectability, not only for his intellect, but for his beard as well.” Ed reached up to stroke it again, then lifted his head and gave Roy a smirk. At least Roy thought it was a smirk, it was hard to tell.

Roy picked up his suitcase, dropped it on the bed and opened it. He began to unpack it, moving around the room silently and quickly, putting his life back in order as best he could.

“You're only efficient when you're ticked off,” Ed said as he walked past.

Still Roy said nothing. He nudged Ed's suitcase up against Ed's wardrobe with his foot and, nose in air, strode into the bathroom. He started the tub and began to peel out of his traveling clothes. Ed appeared in the doorway, (or was it the mountain man of Borneo? Roy was hard pressed to tell the difference) and leaned on the jamb, watching him.

Roy got into the tub and slide down, putting his heels up on the side of the tub, to either side of the faucet and let his chin sink in as well.

“If you're not talking to me that just means I get more air-time to talk to you,” Ed said. “Even if it means just talking at you. I get enough talk you see, I have twenty-three people that are just dying to talk to me, non-stop if I'd let them.”

Roy looked at Ed sidelong, then away.

“I bet the boys will think it's great,” Ed said, turning to look at himself in the mirror and lifting his chin. “They all go on about how they wish they were old enough to have one.” That seemed to appeal to Ed and he preened to himself, turning to study his profile.

Roy rolled his eyes and wiggled his toes, he groped around for the soap and began to lather up his wash cloth.

“Are you really not speaking to me?” Ed finally said.
Roy sliced his eyes back Ed's way, then sighed, blowing little bubbles into the bathwater. He lifted his chin to keep soapy water out of his mouth.

“Because you know, you're too old to pout,” Ed gave a sage nod.

Roy's eyebrow did the angry 'v' thing and he slumped back down, snorting water this time.

“Maybe it's time you grew a beard,” Ed said, turning and walking out of the bathroom. “So we'll remember who the mature one is around here.”