The Prince Bride

Disclaimer: Neither DBZVelena or ShenLong own in any way, shape, form or matter any rights to the Movie/Book "The Princess Bride" All rights remain with Act III Communications and William Goldman, the appropriate copyright owners. This story is purely for entertainment purposes, no money is being made here. This fic, "The Prince Bride" is based on this movie/book but with several twists and Yaoi content. This fic also contains many direct quotes and scenes from the movie/book.

Rating: Since both stories are rated PG.-13 and this fic is based on them. Most of the fic will be PG.-13. However be careful to check individual chapters to be sure. (ShenLong might add a lemon, you never know...)

Warnings: Violence, romance, lime, fluff, cheesy-ness, and lots more.

Pairings: Lots! *snicker*

Authors note: DBZVelena: Wow, another chapter and so soon? Yea, I figured that if I did I'd get us more feedback! So review already!

ShenLong: Well you can blame me for the delay on this one... something called a new baby happened in RL. *grin*

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The Prince Bride

Chapter 20 "Ultimate Suffering"

Princess Relena sat at her desk in her study, sharpening her letter opener in preparation for opening the mountain of mail from well wishers that were unable to attend her wedding.

Rashid swept into the room and bowed low, staying on the opposite side of the desk this time and well out of the way of any sharp, pointy things.

The Princess placed the sharpening stone down upon the desk top and stared at the hulk of a man bowing before her. "Rise and report!" She stated.

Rashid arose and glancing at the letter opener began to speak. "The thieves forest is now empty as you commanded. Thirty men stand guard at the castle gate."

The princess gave a satisfied smirk. "Double it. My prince must be kept safe."

Rashid nodded and then shoved a hand inside his jacket. "The gate has but one key, oh mistress of misery." Rashid withdrew his hand from within his jacket and showed the princess the article. "And I have that."

"Since when has a pair of fur trimmed handcuffs been the key to the gate, Rashid?" the princess asked, cocking her head.

Rashid went a lovely shade of red and quickly replaced the handcuffs inside his jacket and this time brought out the key. "I'm terribly sorry your highness. I can't think where they came from or how they got inside my jacket."

"Save it. I have no desire to know what kinky things you get up to when off duty," the princess replied and reached for the sharpening stone once more.

At that point in time so Heero entered the room, a scowl upon his handsome features. Princess Relena immediately put down the letter opener and stone and stood up, walking around the desk to meet her Heero. She went to hug him but backed off when she bore the brunt of his glare. Instead she picked up his hands in hers. There would be plenty of time after the wedding to have Heero in her arms... in her bed... in her... Well there was the little matter of an heir. Holding onto Heero's hands rather tightly she beamed at him and opened her mouth. Heero cringed slightly as the high pitched whine invaded his ears.

"Tonight my dear Heero, we will be married!" Relena glanced at Rashid who was still in the room. "Tomorrow morning we will sail to Sink..."

"I think you mean Sank," Rashid offered.

"Hopefully it's Sunk," Heero muttered.

"Tomorrow we will sail to Sank Channel where every ship in my armada awaits to accompany us on our honeymoon." Relena didn't notice the tensing of Heero's shoulders.

"Every ship but your four fastes?" Heero stated a glint in his eye. He was sure that the princess had lied to him and he was determined to get a confession of sorts. Besides, he didn't fancy having several other boat loads of leering soldiers follow them around on their honeymoon! While Heero may not have been a prude he at least had some modesty.

The smile had vanished from Relena's face. // Oh shit! I forgot about that. // she thought.

"Every ship except the four you sent out on my behalf?" Heero pushed.

Relena scrambled her vocal skills to try and cover up her slip but it was too late, she could tell by the look in those deep blue eyes that Heero didn't believe her anymore. She pressed on anyway. "Yes, of course. All except those four."

Heero glared at her. Rashid took that as his cue to exit and promptly did so. He'd had enough of volatile situations. Relena tried to compose herself and cover up her lie. Unfortunately she wasn't very good at it, never having had much practice. Usually no one would dare oppose her for fear of being killed, but Heero... Heero was different. He didn't care if he defied her. Her hands tightened their grip on his wrists.

"You never did send those ships," he hissed. "Don't bother lying to me, it doesn't matter. Duo will come for me." Heero's face turned to one of disgust.

"You seem pretty certain that this Duo character will be coming quite a lot for you, Heero. You are a fool to believe that!" Relena spat back. "After what he's been through I doubt he will ever *come* again without the assistance of viagra," she muttered to herself.

Heero by now was getting rather pissed off. and only managed to control himself by sheer power of will. "Yes, I am a fool. A fool to have believed you. A fool for having left him for you in the first place when I knew you would probably bull shit to me. My heart will never belong to anyone but him."

Relena was getting more and more annoyed by the second. She wasn't used to having people stand up to her. Her face went several shades darker than the pink outfit she wore. "That is enough!! Nobody talks to me like that! Not even you!"

"You obviously don't get out and about enough," mumbled Heero.

"What was that?"

"I said, What are you going to do about it? You cannot hurt me for Duo and I are bound by the eternal bonds of love, not to mention we're both gay as well so really you don't stand a chance of getting into my pants, but you cannot track a love like that, no matter how good your hunting party. You will never break it either, not with all the swords or letter openers within your kingdom. Face it, Relena, I love Duo and I always will. I will never ever love a slimy, pink creature like YOU!" Heero spat the last words into Relena's evil face.

The princess put her hands on her hips and stomped her foot. "ENOUGH! You WILL regret that decision!! Guards!" Two of the maguanac core came charging in and bowed before their princess. "Take him to his room and make sure to lock the door." The guards did as they were told, dragging an unwilling Heero along between them and locking him in his room.

Normally Heero would have merely opened the window and either shimmied down the drain pipe, climbed down a conveniently located tree or simply jumped, setting his broken leg without medical assistance later if he happened to be that unlucky. Unfortunately for Heero, Relena had not long ago had security grills put up on all the castle windows. With the rising wave of burglaries in her kingdom she didn't want to tempt fate and so had the necessary deterrents put into place. Had they been made of the usual metals no doubt he would have been able to force them apart and abscond, but they weren't, they were made of a new metal called Gundanium and even Heero didn't have the strength to break through that. All he could do was sit and wait for his Duo to come for him.

So annoyed by Heero's bitter words and taunts, Relena headed straight for the pit of despair where Duo lay, still strapped to the table. She shot inside in a flurry of pink skirts and marched determinedly up to the half naked form. She stood next to the table and stared down at the rather nicely muscled young man, her eyes filled with hate. "You truly love each other, I can see that now, so you might have been truly happy together. Not many couples in a thousand years really has that chance; so the story books say." She ran her fingers over his cheek and then dug her nails into his torso as she dragged her hands back up. "So therefore I think it only fitting that no man in a thousand years will suffer as greatly as you will." Relena spun on her heel and grabbing the lever that was sitting at zero she yanked it up to the 50 mark.

Treize jumped up from his desk, whacking his knees as he did so. "Ow! Shit!" he muttered, then turned to Relena. "Not 50, you can't put it up to 50, you'll kill the subject!"

"Exactly!" snarled Relena. She threw the lever.

Duo's body arched and a long drawn out blood curdling scream left his lips, following Relena all the way back to the castle, infiltrating Heero's room. A tear slid down Heero's cheek as the sounds of his lover's agony pierced his very soul, shredding it along with any hope of ever seeing his lover alive again.

The scream also permeated the forest and surrounding areas, including the village where Wufei and Trowa were currently searching for the man in black.

Wufei suddenly stopped in his tracks and grabbed Trowa's arm. "Do you hear that?" he asked, cocking his head. "That is the sound of ultimate suffering. My heart made that sound when my father was killed."

When Trowa didn't reply Wufei tugged on his shirt sleeve. Trowa removed a piece of cotton wool from his ear. "What did you say? I couldn't hear you above this sound of ultimate suffering."

Wufei gave him a glare and shook his head. "We have to hurry. That is the man in black that makes that sound."

"I guess the sooner we find him the sooner we can shut him up and my poor sensitive ears can have a rest." Trowa said as he went to shove the cotton wool back in his ears.

Wufei tried to lead them through the crowd but it wasn't easy. Everyone seemed to be going in the opposite direction to them and consequently they were on several collision courses. Frustrated he turned to the man/elf. "Do you think you could?"

Trowa rolled his eyes. "I suppose so." He placed his hands around his mouth to amplify his voice and then shouted. "EVERYBODY, THERE IS FREE BEER AT THE PRANCING PONY!"

Within seconds the village was deserted as everyone headed for the set of LotR for the free beer.

Wufei looked at the man/elf and shook his head, an amused smile on his face. "Thank you... I think."

A short while later they were in the forest following something that resembled a sort of robot, only it was part human as well. Wufei decided that this creature was their ticket to finding the man in black seeing as how he was headed in the direction the screams had been coming from.

The screams had stopped, a fact that Trowa was grateful for, he could now remove the cotton wool from his sensitive ears and no longer risk having them damaged. After following the 'robot' for some time, Wufei finally stepped out from the shadow of a tree and confronted the metal man.

"Where is the man in black? We know you know."

"We know? What do we know?" Trowa asked, a little confused.

"You know..." Wufei replied.

"Huh?" The clink of metal became louder as the part man, part machine turned to face the pair, shaking a little.

"Can you jog his memory?" Wufei asked Trowa.

"The things I have to do," Trowa said as he rolled his eyes. He reached forwards and proceeded to pinch the man on the neck... the man's wires short circuited and he collapsed. "Shit! That must have been the Vulcan neck pinch."

"The what?"

"The Vulcan neck pinch. You know..."

"Let's not start that again!" Wufei stepped back into the clearing, giving himself some room and then closed his eyes, sinking to his knees and clasping his sword in both hands in front of him. His lips began to move and Trowa had to slink in close to hear what he was saying.

"Father, I have failed you for so long, but now our misery can end. Somewhere near by is a man who can help us. Please, guide my sword."

Swirling above the kneeling figure Duo's spirit watched the proceedings with interest. He'd been on his way to find Heero and intended to stay with him in death if he couldn't in life when the words of the Chinese distracted him. He paused and studied the Chinese man. // This guy is either really weird or seriously needs to get a life if he's talking to the dead and expects them to help him.//
Duo thought he would hang around a little and see what happened, after all it wasn't as if he had anything pressing to attend to, somehow spirits didn't seem to have the same demands as the living did.

Suddenly he realized who the Chinese man was and what he'd been saying. If nothing else he could have a decent burial if he led the Chinese to his body's place of rest. eagerly Duo's spirit reached for the sword... and passed right through it. Concentrating hard Duo managed to manifest himself enough that he could grasp the tip of the sword.

Wufei felt the end of his sword quiver and move, pulling him to his feet. Eagerly he stood and let the sword guide him where it wanted to go.

Duo was having fun. He pulled on the tip of the sword, dragging the Chinese man after him and all around the clearing, nearly falling over the wheelbarrow and prone form of the robotic human. Finally he drew Wufei to the tree and plunged the tip of the sword deep into the bark. // That should help. // he thought and floated to the side to see what happened next.

Wufei looked at the tree that the sword had embedded itself in and scratched his head. He turned to look at Trowa who just shrugged his shoulders.

// Oh for Pete's sake! // Duo's spirit surged forth and pushed against the knob on the tree. Immediately the hidden entrance opened up.

"What the?" Wufei said in surprise. He turned to Trowa who walked up to him.

"Shall we go inside?" Trowa asked and then proceeded to enter the tree trunk, Wufei right behind him.

//About bloody time! // Duo's spirit sighed.

Trowa looked at Wufei who returned the stare. Trowa lowered his ear to the still chest, his nose crinkling with the smell of burnt flesh from where the suction cups had been placed. "he's dead." He announced as if stating the weather forecast.

Wufei looked sadly at the prone figure. "Such a shame that this nice specimen of manliness should be cut don in his prime." Wufei's fingers glided over the washboard abs and he moaned softly.

"Well I for one am not into necrophilia,' Trowa stated flatly and fixed the Chinese with a *look*.

"Such a waste... it's just not fair."

// You want to try it from my end, buddy. // Duo huffed out into the already chilly air.

~ * ~
Back in Zechs' room the young boy cried out. "Uncle Howard, wait," he paused for a moment to order his thoughts and questions. "What did Trowa mean when he said Duo was dead? He can't be dead, the hero never dies in fairy tales!"

Howard chuckled. "Heero isn't dead, he's locked up in the castle, remember? I think you're getting your Heero's and Duo's mixed up my lad."

Zechs snorted. "So who gets to top Relena then?"

"Top Relena?" Howard was a little confused, he didn't recall there being any Yuri in this story.

Zechs began to get annoyed. "Who gets to kill Relena? Somebody has too."

Howard shook his head. "No one kills Relena, she lives."

"Huh?" Zechs was really confused now. "You mean she wins? Why the hell did you read me this story then if she wins?"

Howard gave Zechs a troubled look. "I think this story is affecting you too much. We had better stop." Howard closed the book and stood up as if to leave.

Zechs put a hand on Howard's arm and calmed himself. "No, really. I'm all right. Please, continue the story."

"Okay then.' Howard sat back down and opened up the book again. "Now, where were we? Ahh yes, the pit of despair..."

~ * ~

Wufei gazed at the still form and shrugged his shoulders. "Well, we Chang's never back down from a challenge..."

Trowa stepped between Wufei and the dead Duo. "I will not let you take advantage of this man while he's dead!"

Wufei frowned and glared at Trowa. "I wasn't talking about anything like that, you idiot! Now come along and bring the body with you."

Trowa looked at the Chinese curiously. "What do you want with the body?"

Duo's spirit also wanted to know the answer to that question.

Wufei paused at the steps and turned back. "Have you any money?"

Trowa shrugged. "A little on me but I can stop at a teller machine and make a withdrawal if you like. Oh, I've also got the credit card. Ummm... Why do you want to know?"

Wufei gave him a grim smile. "Let us hope it is enough to buy a miracle." With those cryptic words, Wufei left, Trowa right behind him, Duo's body slung over one shoulder.

// Well there is shit all else happening around here so I might as well tag along for the ride, // Duo's spirit thought and floated off after the pair and his body.

~ * ~

tbc.............