Adult-FanFiction.org : Gundam, Beyblade, DBZ, FMA

Disclosure
By : TristaML
Category: Missing Data > Missing Data
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Chapter List
- 19
- 20
- 21
Chapter 20 (VP) Languish:
I have had so much time to consider everything now, after a whole month has gone by, that it’s almost as though the whole ordeal has come full circle.
My feelings for Kakarot have been a plague to me for so long. It was just a thought and a hope at first, but from there the fires were fed little by little. In my mind it was every confrontational conversation, every lingering touch and pressing stroke, every side eye, full on stare, and prideful smile, all of it, was like oxygen to the flames. This type of emotion doesn’t start out strong in one way or another. It just begins, and then it grows over time, and it’s either smothered or enflamed.
Of course, it never died, and it refuses to go out, even though I knew better than to urge its progression, I didn’t have to. Then again, I am obsessive, and I would just think to myself, if I could get the chance. If I could just have one opportunity. What then?
I thought maybe the infatuation would end if I could only find a way for it to begin! But I think I always knew that when opportunity struck, it would only spark the beginning, and I was willing to risk whatever we once had coming to an end.
Is he anxious around me because of my poor attitude towards him, and my fucked-up way of showing him interest? Or is it because of my haughtier attitude in general, that he doesn’t understand me and finds me easily disagreeable? Or was he never affected by me at all, and I took it the wrong way this whole time?
Have I handled each and every moment between us all wrong?
I have had time to reflect, plenty of it, even if I feel as though it will never be enough, and regardless of the facts, or the what-ifs, I have made up my mind.
I will show him who he was and what he did. And what I did.
Otherwise, he may never truly understand, and I must make him understand, or I will never be able to forgive myself. I can’t let him leave without getting this off my chest.
I can’t even say that I really understand. When did my lusting after him turn to love, anyways? When he kept asking me, and pushing the thought on me, and I finally confessed to it? But that wasn’t even him. Did I already love him and I just didn’t realize it? What the hell is wrong with me?
Is this what love is? This… torment?
Mental torture, the struggle of every second I spent before dealing with him. And before that dealing with my thoughts of him.
Could I have done things differently? It doesn’t matter. I was corrupted in the end to do his bidding, but not exactly as Piccolo had said. I didn’t only do it for me. I did it for us. Regardless of my silent everyday internal monologue as a creature of an ultimately terminal lifespan, even though I was immortal, I still feared and yet I was still persuasive. I tainted his innocence and brought forth my own iniquity. I forwent purpose for chance and although I knew better, I allowed the hallow selfishness within me to pursue pleasure and pain over peace and justice.
If our thoughts practice prior to the works of our hands, then I have sewn something evil, and I must make atonement by him. Past, present, and future.
The entertaining of my thoughts, although undone, have worked such havoc that I cannot live with it alone. I don’t think I can live with the guilt.
But perhaps in this case more than others, my suffering builds character, and I have no right to undue his peace with the echoes of an ugly past he truly has no control over, and in which there are no repercussions…
How could he be so lucky?! And why should he be spared?! He’s the one who did those terrible things.
But I watched from the sidelines and did nothing to stop him or fix the situation.
He made me think there’s a chance.
Perhaps, if I showed him for himself, then he could decide what to think about it, after he knows everything. Then he can say with certainty exactly how he feels and then he can rightly decide what to do. Whether to leave or go, and whether or not he wants me in either case.
Thoughts of him were always a pleasure, but I knew they would get me into trouble. I was so bad at being forthcoming about this, and now… Now I must bear it all to him, even if it ruins everything.
I don’t want for him to be haunted by these memories and I don’t want him to be scarred by them. I just want to shed some light into the situation. I know that if anyone can get over something, it’s him.
But I can’t just get over it.
It’s my biggest flaw. One of many, definitely, but it can’t be helped. My ability to obsess over something is unrivaled with anyone I’ve ever met. I’m sure I developed the habit originally as a coping mechanism, but it’s so much a part of me now that there’s nothing that can be done to change it. I need to tell him this for me because if I don’t, I know I will go crazy trying to find him after he leaves or lose myself in broken heartedness waiting stupidly for him to return when I know he never will. I have to tell him while I can. I have to have an answer. And in order for the answer to be true he must know the truth.
(GP)
I’ve been trying to think of a way to tell them all, but I haven’t come up with anything good enough so far and it’s easy to fall back into the normal rhythm of daily life here. So, it’s been about a month now, give or take a few days, and I’m just as aloof as ever with my family, always away and still dreaming of going on an adventure.
Vegeta really put a wrench in my plans. I thought about going to see him just to fight some more, just to get out some of my frustrations, but I don’t really want to engage in that sort of behavior. Besides, I think he’d win in an argument anyways, at least, on this topic. As much as I pretend that his words don’t hurt me, there has always been a certain sting to them, I’m just good at hiding it behind senseless babbling, which only serves to irritate him more.
We have a lot of issues that need to be worked out.
My thoughts are bent towards him more often than not, especially these days, and so I’m happy when I sense him coming my way, but nervous to see him all the same.
Is he coming to yell at me some more? I wouldn’t be shocked by it. Maybe he’s coming to ask me why I haven’t left yet? Maybe he’s coming to tell me goodbye once and for all.
I smile to myself as I wait for his arrival, happy that I am a safe distance away from everyone and everything, not that it’s unusual, but I’m sure he was keeping tabs on me, and he waited for this moment just as much as I’ve been hoping for it. I don’t think I’ve ever been in a situation like this, so complicated, with such a complicated person.
He touches down gently, and we stare at one another, neither of us pretending that this is going to be anything short of an enthrallment, whatever comes of our meeting. I continue to smile gently at him and wait expectantly for him to begin speaking since he searched me out this time. I wish I could just rip his shirt off, slide down his pants, and make love to him the way he’s suggested he wants to several times now. We could just forget the conversation all together…
“Kakarot,” he goads, his voice powerful and stern, and hesitates for an instant, before I see a flash of urgency goes through his eyes, and then he begins rambling, “I don’t know if you’ve given any more thought to what we last discussed and whether you have or you haven’t, I have something that I must tell you.”
The smile drops from my face at his somber gaze. He’s telling me goodbye after all. I reply, “Okay. What is it?”
He approaches, and for a fleeting moment I think he might try to press a fight with me, but the feeling passes, and I recognize that the emotion I’m sensing is deeper than that. There’s something truly bothering him. I can see it on his brow and in his lips.
He tells me, now less than an arm’s length away, “I have been keeping something from you.” I begin to speak but he interrupts, “No, it’s not… whatever you may be thinking.”
“Vegeta…” I pout, but his eyes beg for me not to speak.
“I can’t begin to put this into words, and if I could…” he sighs, uncomfortably, “There is something that I think you need to know. I wasn’t going to share this with you but… I can’t keep it from you any longer.”
“Just tell me!” I whine, nervous and unsure.
He frowns and says, “Put your hand on my head. Read my mind. That’s the only way I can get you to truly understand everything.”
“O-kay…” I say and I do as he asked.
The memories flood me and we stand still for some time, while he forces image upon image, scene upon horrific scene, moment upon moment, into my thoughts, including the alternative conversation that we had about my leaving the planet and all the way up to the dreadful events on New Namek, and even after that, the discussion he shared with Piccolo.
I jerk my hand back as though scalded and begin to tremble, my knees instantly going weak. My stomach churns, and I can’t look at him. I drop to the ground, uneasy and sick. I heave but I don’t throw up. My whole body is shaking. My very breath is quivering.
He kneels beside me and speaks my name more gently than I think I’ve ever heard him.
I put my hand out to keep him away from me, not sure of how I feel right now, other than repulsion at him, and at myself.
“Kakarot,” he whispers again.
“Get away from me,” I growl.
“Listen… I…”
“GO!” I scream, refusing to face him. My hands ball into fists and my power level is sky rocketing.
Knowing that I need to be alone, he does as I commanded.
Now, by myself, I cry out in anguish, and destroy much of the land that was surrounding me.
I don’t know how to feel. I don’t know what to think. Everything that I saw. Everything that I did. Everything! It all seems so unreal.
I realize that I’m Super Saiyan 4 before I feel something inside of my snap and then it all goes away. Faded to black, I pass out in the midst of my destruction.

When I awake, Piccolo and Gohan are staring down at me, and I still feel very unwell. I stare at Piccolo and can’t help but become angry all over again. Realizing that I’m still laying in the dirt, I sit up quickly, ignoring Gohan’s concerned questions, and say, “Piccolo! I need to talk to you! Alone!”
Gohan sees my grave face and nods, turning to Piccolo confused, but he doesn’t say anything before taking off.
Piccolo stands to full height and he gives me some time to gather my thoughts, even though not enough time has passed for me to do so, still, I get up and shake off some of my anger before growling, “You didn’t tell me! You didn’t tell me what a horrible monster I became! All the things that I did. And you knew and you kept it from me!”
I wasn’t looking at him before, but when I glance over to gauge his reaction the shock is easily read upon his face.
“Vegeta told you…” he says.
“YES! VEGETA TOLD ME!” I scream before regaining my composure. “Is THAT why you found my conversation with you so amusing?! You knew my plan, too, and why Vegeta…”
“Goku…” he frowns.
“I don’t even know what to say right now!” I snap. “I can’t even begin to… I just!” Humility swarms me and I find myself on my knees again. It’s not his fault. It’s… just so unforgiveable.
Piccolo says, daring to speak, “I didn’t think Vegeta would share that with you. I don’t know why he did. You weren’t you, Goku. You have to understand that.”
I shake my head in disbelief, “Why did he show me those things?”
“I don’t know.”
“How can you even look at me?!” I shudder.
“Goku… it wasn’t you. We all know that.”
“But it was me… It was a version of me… That beast is in me somewhere.”
“No,” Piccolo urges, “He’s not even a shell of who you are, Goku. I wish Vegeta had spared you from that knowledge. Sharing it with you was unnecessary.”
I can hear the disdain on Piccolo’s tongue. I consider why Vegeta showed me, but only for a moment. I can’t get over the horrifying memories of all the awful things I did.
“Goku…” he says, gently, “You can’t be mad at yourself over this. It’s undone. The only people who know about it are the three of us.”
I shake my head but there are no words. I can’t even look at him right now. Finally, I say, “Just go, Piccolo. I need to be alone.”
“Are you… okay?” he asks.
I nod and thankfully he knows better than to stick around.
I am left alone, but not in peace.
(VP)
I have been waiting for his arrival patiently ever since I left him with the whole truth, and I see that it will be our undoing. Just as well. I’ve accepted my fate. Our fate. I don’t deserve him, anyways, not the real him.
When he comes to me, I am not surprised by the bland look on his normally cheerful face, and for some reason, I notice, too, that he looks older, not old by any means, but not boyishly handsome as he sometimes seems.
It’s only been a few days, but the time means nothing without consideration to what’s passed within those hours. Does he want to fight me? I’d almost rather duke it out, then he can win like he knows he would, and we can be done with this whole thing.
He is not smiling at me and I am not so uncomfortable around him as I once was. No. I’ve been planning for this moment.
Kakarot begins with, “Let’s go somewhere else to talk.”
I nod and he comes forward, puts his hand on my shoulder and we’re off. It takes me a moment to realize that we’re no longer on Earth and my lips part, showing my surprise, but I don’t have time to consider where we are.
He removes his hand from my shoulder and says, taking a step back, “I have been so fucking pissed off at you, Vegeta. For everything.”
I grunt in understanding, a little shocked by his language, and my eyes narrow, but otherwise I don’t respond.
He glares at me and it’s some time before he resumes his speech. When he does, his voice is stark and biting, and he says, “I haven’t been able to forget any detail of what happened… and it’s all because of you. Whether Piccolo blames you or not.”
Again, I don’t respond, as my way of showing him that I agree.
He adds, “I’m not sure what to say about everything that I did. I don’t truly understand it, myself, but the more it plays in my mind, the more I begin to question why you did what you did.”
My face must have portrayed my doubt and confusion at that last remark, because his eyes are on me something fierce and they are engaging me with passion and intrigue, and his stance is tall and proud, even when speaking of his alter-ego’s delinquent past.
“You don’t have anything to say now, do you, Vegeta?” he asks, mockingly.
I don’t answer.
He smirks, I can only assume that it’s an ironic smile at my silence, and it’s such a foreign gesture on his face I simply stare at him, enthralled in his words as he continues, now looking out into the sky of this strange planet, “I wanted adventure. I didn’t know that I had already had one. And you. The conversations we had. The things that we did. They were real, weren’t they? I can’t believe it… and all those terrible things...”
I can sense him struggling to maintain his control as he pauses to keep it together. Eventually he calms down and says, laughingly, “You were immortal! …and I was… I didn’t know I had such evil in me.”
I want to say something, I do, but I can’t bring myself to speak, not while he’s being so open with me.
He turns back to me and, taking in a deep breath, he admits, “Nothing in my life has ever been more shocking to me, Vegeta. Nothing in my life has ever hurt so much to look back on. All because of my heritage! Is that who I was supposed to be? I hate the Saiyan race. I think you knew that already. I killed my own Grandpa. Grandpa Gohan didn’t deserve to die by the child who didn’t know who he was. The child he tried so hard to raise. And I’ve tried so hard to be a good man…” he let’s the rest of his speech trail off unspoken.
He looks at me, almost expectantly, like he wants me to argue with him, but I have nothing to say, and he does, so he continues, “I haven’t changed my mind, you know. Especially after this. I’m leaving, for good. I can’t stay there anymore. But I need to know something…”
I cross my arms, naturally on the defensive.
“Were you going to wish for immortality for me? Were you really going to go through with it?” he asks me.
“Yes, I was,” I confess.
“How could you, Vegeta?” he answers, and I’m surprised by it. Before I can say anything else, he asks me something more, “Did you like who I was? Did you like me like that?”
I frown, uneasy with these questions, and shift my weight from one leg to the other, but I answer honestly all the same, “No. I just accepted you. I understood you in those moments in a way that you can’t understand me. That’s not who you would have been exactly, and yes, you were, something else, but I knew you, nevertheless.” I uncross my arms and add solemnly, “Kakarot, I thought that there was no going back. Believe me, I considered killing you. I thought about ridding your existence from this universe entirely! More than once! …But I… I couldn’t… I needed to buy some more time.”
“I don’t understand, Vegeta…” he laments.
“What don’t you understand?!” I snap, growing tired of bickering and explaining and still not getting anywhere. “Damn it, Kakarot! Can’t you see why I shared all of this with you?! I didn’t want that to happen! Obviously! I wanted you to come back to yourself! And I only showed you because I needed you to see it all for yourself! I got a second chance and I embarrassed myself by NOT forcing that monster out of you and showing you how I felt as straightforward as I could, regardless of your ignorance on the matter, and still you don’t understand!”
“Exactly…” he says, and his voice is kinder than I thought it could be with me right now.
I snarl in disgust, “Kakarot---”
“Vegeta,” he interrupts, “What I don’t understand is why, when you had your chance to have everything you’ve ever wanted, you threw it all away? You had freedom, you had immortality, you had… me… and you gave it all up… when you knew that I wanted to leave you all behind.”
I huff and turn away from him, irritated. “So what?”
“Why?”
I grumble and reply mockingly, “There are better things in life than seeking out what you can devour and chasing after worldly desires. I mean, look what terrible things ‘you’ did. Do you think you’re the only one surprised by what happened? I was not impressed with your serious character flaws.” Then I snap, turning back to him again, “Fuck you! You brought me out here to argue both sides of the same coin, is that it? This is an argument I will never win against you! And I don’t give a fuck about giving some false pretense anymore. I wanted you to see it all for yourself, though, so you could see why I… started to hope.”
His eyes look away from me as mine bear into his face, but he says to me, “Hope? I guess I am not surprised that you feel that way, but that does make this kind of difficult for me. Especially since there’s something else that I wanted to say.”
“Then SAY IT!” I cry, not caring how pitiful I sound.
He smiles wearily, “I’m sorry, Vegeta. I’m sorry I put you through so much pain. I didn’t know how much I was affecting you. I didn’t mean for any of that to happen, either. And, frankly, I’m glad that you told me.”
My breath hitches. I couldn’t be more surprised to hear him say that.
“You asked me if I had anything else to say to you except for the fact that I wanted to leave, and I said that I did. But the truth is, I didn’t have anything else to say.”
My heart clenches.
He swallows hard, and continues, “I just wanted to tell you first. And I told you first because… I wanted to see what you would say.”
“What do you mean?” I ask bitingly, trying to retain dignity and remain unmoved.
His lips purse as he contemplates a rebuttal, and then he tells me, “You know what’s been bothering me the most about this whole ordeal? It’s the way that I talked to you, especially about us, and the things that I coaxed out of you, and the hold you clearly had on me. Surely you could see that I was doing all of that because of you. I don’t know what it is about you that makes me act that way, but I think that, even as I am now, sometimes things are unconsciously done. Things to irritate you. Things to make you think of me.”
My jaw drops in disbelief and I have no reply.
He asks, “Did you know that?”
I glare and remark, “Are you saying that you’ve been toying with me?”
He nods, “Maybe, a little.”
Exasperated, I demand, “Take me back to Earth. Now.”
He does and we’re back in no time.
I turn away from him, so pissed off that I can’t think straight, and begin to walk away.
“Vegeta…” he calls out after me, but I don’t stop. Still he says, “I’m going to leave, and I won’t tease you with the idea anymore. I’m just going to do it. Tomorrow. But before I do, I have a confession to make. I’m not going to sugar coat this and I’m only gonna say it once.”
At that I do pause to listen.
“I am interested in you, but I didn’t realize before in what way, and you’re right, I’m curious to know what it would be like, and I haven’t given this any real thought to this before, because I didn’t know how. I’m not the type of man that thinks things through. Not like you do. I never would have come to you because I never would have known how.”
I turn to face him just as he appears before me, closing the distance between us in an instant. In my annoyance I open my mouth to speak, but he says, “Please, let me finish.” I scoff, but he smiles, “Vegeta… I want you.”
“You don’t. Not really. And I’m not so sure I’m interested anymore,” I frown, having had enough of this.
He smiles and leans in, and although I lean away, I still allow his lips to land on mine. The kiss is quicker than I thought it would be, as he pulls back and says, “So, you’re content with having slept with ‘a version’ of me, is that it?”
“No!” I argue, before I could think better of it.
He smiles and kisses me again. I think he’s just doing it for good measure, just to see what he can get away with.
Even though he already knows I’d let him get away with murder.
Our kiss deepens as does our hold on one another. He pulls back and confesses what I already knew he was thinking, “This is wrong, isn’t it?”
I answer, “It’s not the worst we could do.”
He chuckles in reflection of himself, but I’m still not convinced by him and I don’t resume our kiss immediately.
He can sense my hesitation. I can see the calculating thoughts behinds his eyes, but along with his perception of me there’s a certain boldness there that I’ve only seen a shadow of before. “Vegeta…” he explains, “I want this… I need to know what’s it like… I can’t leave without having you, at least once.”
I smirk, “Is that all?”
He smiles but he doesn’t reply. He knows he doesn’t have to. This is all I could have ever asked for to begin with. He leans in again to kiss me and it’s the opening of the floodgates to the next few hours of our lives.
He murmurs, as he begins to work my clothes off, “Would you hate me if I told you that I want to fuck you first?”
I groan quietly and tell him, “I can’t say I’m surprised to hear you say that.”
He chuckles and pulls my body closer, squeezing every inch of me he can get his hands on. I grind against him in any way that I can, but other than our simple speech and light, quick breaths, we’re strangely quiet.
I allow him full access to all of me. There’s no point in pretending to be embarrassed or shy, and I appreciate his eager actions in working us both up to the next step. Our clothes have been removed without much consideration, and the only thing on my mind is how warm his body is, and how strong his hands are, and how big his cock feels, and how much he’s going to fulfill me.
I only realized halfway through that we were no longer on Earth.
By the time he makes me cum from fucking me like only he can, we are both sweating and breathing heavy. He grabs onto my face when he kisses me, and I love how rough gets and yet how gentle he can be right afterwards.
“It’s your turn,” he sighs and leans back.
I smile, and climb on top of him, going in for another kiss. After a little while longer of foreplay, when I slowly slide inside of him, he’s more vocal than before, and it takes everything in me not to tell him how much he’s turning me on, and how much I don’t want this to end.
Looking into his eyes like this, and feeling his whole body thrumming beneath me, it’s everything I’ve ever wanted, and when he calls my name, I have to bite his lips to make him stop so I don’t cum too soon.
We’re Super Saiyans before our climaxes, and then it ends, and we both fall back to our normal state, laying on the ground, scratches and teeth marks all over us, with hickeys and bruises in not-so-subtle places.
After a moment or so I realize that I haven’t done what I initially intended to do, so I get up to find my pants.
“What’s up?” he asks, and I hear a strange tone in his voice. Maybe he thinks I’m trying to leave, like I haven’t realized we’re off planet and that I don’t have that luxury even if I wanted it.
I scoff, grabbing the garment I was looking for, and fish out the object of my curious actions. I bring it over, sit on the ground, and hand it to him straight away.
He looks at it expectantly, but confused all the same, and asks, “What is this?”
“It’s a ship,” I explain, a little condescendingly, “A very good one at that. It has the same abilities as my gravity machine, and the fridge is stocked and ready to go. I thought you might want it. In case you get tired of being somewhere in an instant all the damn time, you can use it to train, and, to spend some time in between destinations.”
To say that his kiss threw me off guard would be an understatement of mass proportions. As our tongues clash and I relish in the feeling of his pleasing attention, I can’t help but be a little unnerved by this whole thing. By where this is going.
“Thank you, Vegeta,” he smiles.

I don’t really remember the rest of the evening. I think we just talked a little bit and then fell asleep. Or maybe we didn’t talk, maybe we just kissed some more, I don’t really know. For all I know we fucked again. Yeah, that sounds more accurate. But it all just sort of flows together.
I remember waking up though. I remember because I was back at Capsule Corp. and in a bed with Bulma, which rarely happens anymore. I remember that because I know I didn’t put myself there.
And I remember because I was completely naked, and I haven’t been able to find the shirt or pants that I was wearing.
And I remember because I tried to sense Kakarot’s energy and I couldn’t find it anywhere.
That was 4 days ago.
He’s left the planet. Without me.
I remember because I haven’t left this bed since that day. Well, I have, to take care of some things, but I have let everything else to go to waste.
Bulma’s concerned, and I can tell that Trunks is, too, so much so that he even enlisted Gohan to come and talk to me. Of course, that didn’t go well, I threatened him with his life the moment he uttered Kakarot’s name and destroyed the door to Bulma’s master bedroom in an attempt to fry him, but what did he expect, really.
By now they all know that Kakarot is gone and that he isn’t coming back, and I’m not allowed in the house until I ‘get over it.’
So, I’m stuck in the Gravity Room, which is fine. I can sit in here all day and night and it won’t make a bit of difference.
It isn’t until a few days later, when I get sick of feeling so sick that I finally get up and go to turn the Gravity Machine on, hoping that it will either crush me, or at least prove to be a decent distraction, that I notice I have a message. I assume it’s from Bulma and prepare to delete it the moment her face comes on the screen, but right as I was about to hit that button, I see his face.
He left a message for me...?
“Hey Vegeta…”
What the-? I stare at his face as I am forced to listen;
“I didn’t know how to tell you in person, and I figured this would be the best way…”
He… recorded a message for me, in my gravity room, the day he left?!
“I just… I couldn’t take you with me. Not right now.”
I think about deleting the message or destroying the screen, but he’s still speaking directly to me.
“I need time. Time to think. To explore. To be alone.”
“You asshole!” I yell, “Fucking. Contemptuous. Dick!”
“What if it didn’t work out? I don’t want us to end up hating each other if we jumped into this too quickly. But… this isn’t goodbye. I’m coming back. But only for you. So be on your guard,” he smiles, at me, and adds, “If you still want me then, we can be together…
“I had a lot of time to spend with my family, knowing that I was leaving… I wanted you to have that same opportunity. To tell them goodbye in your own way, or to make up your mind about us once and for all. It’s only fair that you have that chance, before leaving them all behind, or letting me go for good.
“I hope you understand. I miss you already, but I’ve got to do this. So, I’ll be seeing you.”
And the screen goes blank.
I must have watched it seventy times before finally breaking down.
After that I watched it one more time, before deleting it, so that I could never watch it again.
I’m overwhelmed, and I’m not done figuring it all out, but I can’t dwell on the past anymore than I can change it. Well, anymore than I would change it.
If everything in my life has led me here, then here is where I was meant to be.
Who can say what the future holds?
As far as I’m concerned, I’ll just have to wait and see and there’s really nothing more to say.
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Disclosure	By : TristaML Category: Missing Data > Missing Data Views: 167 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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