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Falling Apart	By : YojiKato Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 937 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing nor any of its characters. I only own the original characters. And nobody's paying me to write this.

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Quatre pulled his bag from the trunk of the rented car, but his eyes were focused on the pair moving up the walkway toward the house. Heero had his arm around Wufei's waist and the Chinese man was leaning against him, gaze focused on the ground. He barely responded to anything happening around him. His thoughts, memories, had taken hold and many times he had trouble separating the past from the present.
Trowa took the bag from Quatre and pulled him into his arms. “Everything will be okay.”
“How can you say that? We have no clue how to help him.”
“I have one. We'll talk about it after Heero gets Wufei comfortable.”
Quatre nodded, albeit a bit glumly. Trowa had returned from his assignment and refused to say anything about it until they were settled in Hawaii. He said it would be best to be at a time and place where they could hash it all out and make a plan, rather than catch bits and pieces along the way. Quatre figured he was right, but he hated watching Wufei decline right in front of their eyes and do nothing.
He sighed and continued cleaning out the trunk of all their luggage along with Trowa, Duo, and Blake. He'd informed the staff they wouldn't need any assistance while they were vacationing. It had met with mild resistance, but after promises of vacation with pay and a firm admonition that they could fend for themselves, the staff had acquiesced.
The house was near silent as they unpacked and it felt more like a gathering for a funeral than it did the beginning of a vacation. Duo sat on the bed and watched Blake put their clothes away. It all seemed surreal. He'd been sure he was going to die. He had been positive their time together before the surgery would be their last. It was like waking up from a horrendous nightmare to find the monsters weren't real. He thought of Wufei and sighed.
No, the monsters were real, they just weren't after him anymore. He leaned down and massaged the mild cramp in his calf. After so long of being unable to function properly, he'd lost some muscle tone. He grimaced as he ran his hand across his stomach. It wasn't flabby exactly, but it wasn't ripped anymore, either. He laid back on the bed.
“When did Sally say I could go back to my normal workout routine?”
Blake glanced over his shoulder. “In two weeks.”
“Hm.” He rolled to his side. “Forget the clothes for now and come take a nap with me.”
Blake smiled as he looked to his lover's sleepy face. He'd rather do more than take a nap, but he travel had worn Duo out. He climbed onto the bed and spooned behind Duo, lacing his fingers through his lover's and curling them to Duo's chest.
“I love you.”
“Me too.”
Blake smiled. Perhaps Duo would never say it again, but he'd heard it before and actions spoke louder than words.
******
Trowa sighed as he watched Quatre flit over the room, dusting areas that didn't need it and organizing and reorganizing books on a shelf. He grabbed Quatre's shoulders and sat him on the bed.
“Calm down. We're on vacation, remember?”
He raked his hands through his hair, disheveling the normally well-kept locks. “No, we're on a mission to save Wufei from himself. How can you be so calm?”
“Because there's no point in worrying. Everyone else is resting. Why don't you lie down?”
“I'm wound too tight to rest.”
Trowa nodded and tipped up Quatre's chin. “I can tell.” He pulled Quatre toward the bed. “Let me help you relax.”
The blond sighed, but allowed himself to be stretched on the bed on his stomach after his shirt was removed. Trowa straddled his thighs and began working the knots out of his shoulders. Quatre pressed his forehead to his folded arms and sighed as the strong hands moved across his back, bringing pain that slowly ebbed into relief.
Trowa slid his hand down his back, tracing his fingers over the jagged scar that lay over where one of Quatre's kidneys used to be. It ran all the way to his ribcage. Marking the spot where the knife had plunged into Quatre's lung. He'd flat lined twice during the surgery to repair his lung. For as long as Trowa lived, he'd never be able to erase the image of Quatre lying in a pool of blood in the lobby of WEI.
“You're shaking,” Quatre whispered.
Trowa leaned down and kissed the scar. “Sorry, I was thinking about things I shouldn't be.”
Quatre turned over and looked up to his lover. “Trowa, it wasn't your fault.”
“I should have seen the threat.”
He shook his head. “You were across the room talking to Nancy at my request.”
“Which I should have ignored.”
Quatre sat up. “You had no reason to. We had no reason to believe someone wanted me dead.” He cupped his hands to Trowa's face. “One of these days you're going to have to let this go. I'm here. I'm alive. I'm healthy.”
Trowa nodded and leaned his forehead to Quatre's. “You're right.” He pulled Quatre down to the mattress and sighed. Neither of them really thought they'd sleep, but a knock on the door woke them at a quarter passed six.
Duo ducked his head in. “Hey, sorry to wake you, but Heero's anxious to know what you've got, Trowa.”
He nodded and sat up. “It'd be best to do it in here. I don't want to risk Wufei overhearing anything.”
He crossed to his suitcase and pulled out a disk as they filed in and sat on the edge of the bed. He tapped the disk in his palm as he thought over what the psychologist had told him. “Wufei's condition is at a dangerous point that could go either way. Somehow we've got to break him out of the catatonic state and keep him in the present.
“I talked to a psychologist that said we would know better with how to deal with him if we knew exactly what had happened to him.” He took a breath and held up the disk. “This is a trophy Knight kept. It has hours of footage from the clinic.”
Heero's eyes widened. “Trowa-”
“I'm not saying to watch all of it, Heero. He just said it might help us know better how to deal with Wufei. If he won't, or can't, tell us what he's thinking, we're going to have to guess. And we need the right information.”
He held the disk to Heero. “It's your decision.”
He took it and stared at the innocent disk that held damning footage. He stood and crossed to the TV and DVD player. With trembling hands, he hit play and his legs almost gave way as it began playing. A much younger Wufei was restrained naked to a table like one used in a gynecologists office. His ankles strapped to the stirrups and his hands chained above his head. His hair was loose and fanning about his face as he struggled to get free.
A door opened and closed outside the view of the camera and large onyx eyes shot to the left. “Matthews! What the hell is the meaning of this?”
The man ran his hand up the inside of Wufei's thigh. “I think that should be obvious.”
He ground his teeth. “Let me go. Have you no honor?”
He chuckled softly. “Honor? No, I can't say that I've ever been accused of that.” He gripped Wufei's flaccid length and squeezed.
He choked. “Bastard. Let go. I told you what I would do if you even thought about touching me.”
“Tsk, tsk, dragon. Trust me, by the time I'm done with you, you'll be wondering why you ever tried to stop me in the first place. You'll be begging for my touch.” He slipped his hand between the teen's thighs and shoved a dry finger into his entrance.
Wufei bucked and barely held back a pain-filled gasp. “I will never beg for anything but your death. We're in the middle of a war. I have responsibilities. Let me go!”
He snorted, inserting a second finger. Wufei couldn't stop the muffled cry that time. “Do you honestly think the other pilots will even notice you're not around? I've been paying attention. I have my own network of spies. The other four are starting to work together. They don't even realize you're not around. They don't need someone so weak as you getting in their way.”
Heero sat on the bed, struggling to find breath. The man's harsh, damning words were said in a gentle tone, as if he were talking to an ignorant child. He clenched the remote tightly in his hand as he watched Knight jab three fingers up into Wufei, wringing a keening cry from him. He covered his mouth as the man shoved his hard erection into Wufei with only the teen's blood for lubrication. Wufei managed to hold back most of his screams, choosing instead to send vicious remarks at Knight's upbringing and character.
Heero paused the video after Knight pulled out and began cleaning the trembling teen up.
He clenched his teeth, eyes stinging. It took him a moment to realize tears were falling down his face. Duo threw an arm over his shoulder. “Don't force yourself, Heero. If you can't do this, then don't.”
He took a breath, scrubbing the tears from his face. “He went through it. The least I can do is watch. Maybe we'll find something that can help us.”
“I wonder if he fed that crap to Wufei the entire time he had him,” Trowa murmured. “That would definitely add more emotional baggage on top of the physical.”
Heero looked back to the screen and started the video again. They skimmed the disk, pausing to hear whatever bullshit Knight was feeding Wufei. Heero had lost count of how many times the man had raped him by the time they reached the third week. Wufei's screams had died. His tears were silent and his eyes empty. Heero had thought the worst was over until a determined looked flashed across Wufei's face as Knight returned for more, then Heero remembered how Wufei had gotten away.
His stomach rolled as the Chinese teen began responding to Knight's touch, soft whimpers asking for more. And each plea killing something inside of him. Finally, Knight was convinced that Wufei was his and released him from the table. While his back was turned, Wufei slid his battered, weak body to the corner and retrieved his sword. He lunged at Knight, grabbed him by his length and balls and sliced both off in a wicked arch.
Knight fell to the ground screaming. Wufei glared down at him as he stumbled to the sink in the corner and dropped the bloody appendage into it before turning on the disposal.
“Never come near me again you disgusting bastard, or I swear I'll kill you.”
Heero turned the disc off, sending the room into sudden and tense silence. He pushed from the bed and moved down the hall to the bedroom he and Wufei would be sharing. He crept quietly to the bed and sat down on the edge, tracing his hand down the sleeping man's cheek.
“I'm sorry, Wufei,” he whispered. “How do I make it better? Is there anything we can do?” He brushed wisps of silken hair from his lover's face. “Can you wake up for me?” He didn't shake Wufei's shoulder, startling him out of sleep tended to only send him into a flashback.
Onyx eyes slowly opened and Heero tilted his head to the side. “Are you with me?”
Slowly they moved to meet cobalt. “Heero?”
He smiled. “Yeah. Feeling better?”
He looked around the room. “Are we already in Hawaii?” He nodded and Wufei bit his lip. “I blacked out again.”
“Yeah.”
His brows drew together. “How do I stop it?”
“You have to start talking to me, Wufei. The doctors say that talking about it can lessen the symptoms of PTSD. And, over time, it'll get better.”
He sat up and pressed his cheek to Heero's chest, wrapping his arms around his waist. “I'm sorry.”
“You don't have anything to apologize for.” He rubbed Wufei's back. “Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
He slid off the bed and tugged Wufei's hand. “I figured not, but you need to eat something.”
Wufei allowed himself to be pulled from the room, keeping his eyes on the floor as they went to the kitchen. He didn't want to see the looks of pity on the other's faces. He was losing it, that was plain enough. But it was made worse to be going crazy while others were watching.
“Hey, Fei, sleep good?”
He flicked his eyes up to Duo and found himself unable to look away. “You're better.”
There was a minute flinch, but the braided man recovered quickly. “Yeah. Good as new. We ordered pizza; it should be here in thirty minutes. That all right with you?”
Wufei nodded and sat at the table. He was missing something. He looked to Heero. “How long have we been here?”
“Just this morning.”
He frowned. “I'm missing something.”
Heero put a hand over his on the table. “What?”
He shook his head. “I don't know. If I did...” He cut off and looked back to Duo. “I already knew you were okay, didn't I?”
He smiled and nodded. “Don't worry about it; you've got a lot on your plate right now.”
Wufei folded his arms on the table and dropped his face to it. “What's happening to me?”
“Emotional overload,” Quatre said gently. “We're here, Wufei. Whatever you need, just let us know.”
He clenched his fists. “I need to be in control of my own mind. I keep losing hours at a time. What am I doing?”
Heero shook his head. “Nothing.”
Wufei raised his eyes. “Nothing?”
“Normally you're just staring at the wall.”
“Okay.” He gazed at the table as he thought. “What prompts it. What happens right before I go blank?”
Duo and Blake set bowls of salad on the table for everyone and several different types of dressings. No one really felt like eating after what they'd witnessed, but they had to keep things as normal as possible for Wufei.
“You're usually lost in thought and then... you're not there anymore.”
Wufei closed his eyes. It had to stop. He had lost complete control. He couldn't keep living worrying about when he might have a flashback or just completely shut down. And every time he woke out of one it left him feeling disoriented and angry. It wasn't fair to the others. It wasn't fair to Heero. He pushed from the table.
“I'm going to take a shower.”
He didn't wait for any responses as he trudged to the bedroom to gather some clothes before locking himself in the large bathroom. He felt numb. There didn't seem to be anything left for him. All his secrets were out in the open and he couldn't ignore them and pretend everything was okay. He climbed in the shower and turned the hot on as high as it could go.
He pressed his palms flat to the tiles, picturing Matthews face in his mind. If he could resurrect and kill the man again, he would. Over and over. He wouldn't just kill him. He'd rip his heart out slowly. He'd drive him crazy until he didn't know which way was up. He would do whatever it took to make the man feel everything he was now feeling.
But he couldn't resurrect him. All he could do was try to start living again. The question was, did he do that with or without Heero. The thought of the Japanese man not being in his life made his chest ache and he cursed his cowardice. He pulled his hand back and punched the tiles as hard as he could. His knuckles split and he latched onto the pain, raring back to lay blow after blow to the wall.
******
Heero jumped from the table and raced for the bathroom, the others on his heels as they heard Wufei's screams. He wrenched the knob until it broke and gave way. Paying no heed to the cascading water, he threw open the glass door of the shower and pulled Wufei from his punching match with the wall. The Chinese man fought against the hold, but had no ground as Heero folded both their arms around Wufei's waist. They slid to the floor, Heero murmuring softly into Wufei's ear while his screams faded to sobs.
“It's all right. I'm here. I've got you.”
Quatre swallowed and leaned in the stall to turn the water off. He grabbed a towel and handed it to Heero to wrap around Wufei. The shaking slowed and he sagged back against Heero's chest. Onyx eyes remained cast downward as he was sat on the toilet lid so his hand could be examined.
“Why did you do that?” Heero asked gently after the others left them alone.
“I was mad.”
Heero cleaned the blood away and covered the gashes with antibiotic before bandaging it. “Feel better?”
He raised a shoulder. “A little.”
“Maybe we should get you a punching bag, then. Would that help?”
He shook his head. “I don't know, Heero. I don't know what to do.”
Heero directed for him to remain seated as he moved to the tub and began filling it. “You're going to start talking, not just thinking. We've talked about this.” He looked over his shoulder to Wufei as he tested the water. “Talking is supposed to help you work through it.”
“But I already told you everything.”
He motioned for Wufei to get in the tub, and he sat on the floor next to it as Wufei sank into the warm water, keeping his injured hand over the side. “It isn't about telling me, it's about getting it off your chest. It's finding out what triggers these episodes so we can try to stop them.” He lathered a wash cloth and gently ran it over Wufei's chest, keeping his eyes locked on Wufei's.
“You made it through something horrible and then you got thrown into a situation that brought it all back. It's going to take time, but I'm not giving up, Wufei. And I won't let you. I'm here for the long haul. Do you understand?”
Wufei closed his eyes, causing more tears to slide down his cheeks. “Thank you.”
“Don't thank me, I'm being selfish. I just don't want to let you go.”
Wufei barked a sudden laugh, but clamped it down. “If you want to own a lunatic you're probably one yourself.”
“You're not going crazy, Wufei,” he said with conviction. “I won't let you.”
He bit his lip and the corners of his lips curved up ever so slightly. “You won't, will you?”
“No.”
To be concluded....
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Falling Apart