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Unsettling Affairs	By : xkesshoux Category: Fullmetal Alchemist > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 1906 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Full Metal Alchemist, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 23
- 24
- 25
Each
individual chapter will have a different rating, different pairings,
different spoilers, and a different setting and timeline. Multiple
people were involved in writing this fic, I do not claim to have
written anything other than my own characters. I do however claim to
have come up with the plot, story idea, and organizing it all. The
others who write characters in this fic are well aware that I am
posting it, and contribute willingly. This fic is an ongoing project
with an unknown number of parts, with alternate storyline as of the
fifth laboratory incident. Enjoy!

Downward
Spiral of Insanity

Rating:
R (Mostly language, and gore, oh yeah, there's sex.)
Pairings:
HavocxEd
Disclaimer: I don't own FMA.
Spoilers:
Noooooone!
Setting: Train to Dublith and Izumi's
house.
Timeline: Day after smut. Heading to Izumi's house,
at Izumi's house.

Havoc
woke up some time later with a splitting headache and a tongue that
felt like sandpaper. He groaned a little, wiggling to get the heavy
lump off of him.

Then he
woke all the way up and realized what was sleeping on top of him,
where he was, and why he was so dratted cold. And blushed bright red
in embarrassment.

Shivering,
the aforementioned 'lump' curled up into a tight ball, clinging to
Havoc's arm in the process. "Nnngh..."

Havoc
dithered for a moment, trying to figure out the best way to wake up
the boy with minimal application of energy. Finally, he settled for
tugging on the boy's hair. "Yo. Fullmetal."

A
momentary lapse of thought, yes, but forgivable.

Said boy
yowled, hands immediately flying to his head, which he rubbed
furiously, one violet speckled golden eye peering open in annoyance.
"What was that for!"

Havoc's
brow furrowed. "Ed...? What's wrong with your eyes?"

He had
caught a strange flicker in the boy's irises.

"Aa?
It's bright...'s'all..." Ed sat up, stretching and rubbing his
eyes.

"That's
not what I meant," Havoc said mildly. "I may be colorblind,
but not shade blind. There was very definitely something not amber in
your eyes right then." He grimaced right after he said that.

Edward
blinked, staring at Havoc. "What are you talking about, Jean? My
eyes are perfectly fine! You're seeing things!"

But there
were the violet flecks again, in both eyes, splotching across molten
gold in the morning light.

Havoc's
eyebrows reached nearly to his hairline. "You lie like a
mattress, Ed. And don't insult my intelligence. Or have you never
encountered an offended lion? You very definitely have some different
color in your eyes – it's a slightly off shade that doesn't
match.

"Don't
think that because I can't see color doesn't mean that I can't see
gradients. My eyesight's a lot keener than you could ever imagine."
He stretched bonelessly, groaning as several small things in his back
popped and snapped back into place. "So 'fess up, boy, otherwise
I'm never going to stop pestering you." He opened one
slit-pupiled eye. "And if I hear you say 'curiosity killed the
cat', you're dead meat."

"I
still don't know what you're talking about you know..." Ed
huffed slightly, groping absently for his coat.

"Oh,
well." Havoc creaked to his feet, grabbing the bits and pieces
of his clothing. He began to get dressed. "Check in the mirror
over there if you don't believe me," he said, nodding towards a
little medicine chest mirror over on the far wall. The pants and
boots were on, and he was buttoning up his shirt. "Are you still
planning to go see Madame Izumi again?"

"I
still need to talk to her about a lot of things...she understands it
better than anybody else I know..." Ed yawned, pulling on
various articles of clothing. After finishing clasping his boots he
zipped up his pants, wincing as the mechanism caught a hair or two-he
hadn't bothered with underwear. With a sigh he pulled on his black
tank top, shortly followed by the jacket, coat slung over the bed as
he combed his fingers through his hair to get out most of the big
tangles before rebraiding it.

Finding
himself at a loss for a hairtie, the blonde alchemist huffed,
clapping his hands together and transmuting a red tie off of his coat
and tying the somewhat messy braid off. He walked past the mirror,
only catching a glimpse of himself, but enough to make him stop dead
in his tracks.

Slowly,
Edward turned to face the mirror, rubbing his eyes and leaning
closer, shock sweeping over his face. Oh, he was awake now, no
question there.

In
another moment, he'd backed up and tripped over onto the bed, curling
into a fetal position and muttering words of disbelief.

Havoc
blinked, dropping his new set of tags over his head. "Walk
much?" He kicked up the mess of steel wire up onto his boot toe,
balancing it for a few seconds before flipping it into the
wastebasket. "What's up?"

"Uh..."
Was Ed's only response, as he just lay there curled up, clutching at
his shoulder.

Havoc
drifted over and gently pried Ed's fingers up. "So there's the
dog in the woodpile. Looks... unpleasant."

Violet
flecked golden eyes turned with Ed's head to look distantly at Havoc.
"Wha...?"

Havoc's
eyebrow popped up again. "Way to verbalize kiddo. What the hell
is wrong with you? Sit up straight, look me in the eye, and act like
the military officer you are."

"Military...officer...am
I really..." Ed sat up, looking at his hands, then absently
rubbed his shoulder. "Fuck, Jean...I don't even know what I
am...how...could I be one of them...they have no souls..."

"Bite
me, figure of authority," Havoc snapped acidly. "I'm so
glad you have such a high opinion of me." He raised his hand,
then lowered it slowly. "If you hate us so much, just leave."

"Wh...no,
not you, Jean...those...byproducts of human transmutation...soulless
creatures with a body and a psyche...I can't be one of them...can't
be...I have a soul, don't I!"

Havoc
shrugged, biting at the bandages on his wrists. "I dunno. What's
your definition of 'soul' anyway? If you're talking about the will to
live, then every being has a soul. If you're talking about the
ability to love, that's up to you. If that's the case, I'm not too
sure that you've ever had a soul."

Ed froze
for a moment, tears threatening to escape, but he willed them back
and forced himself to stand, grabbing his coat and shoving it on.
"I'm going to Izumi-sensei...you probably shouldn't come..."
Pulling the coat more tightly about his frame, Ed walked towards the
door, head downcast so that his bangs hid his eyes.

Havoc
followed silently. "Major Elric, where you go, I go."

"I
can order you to stay here, Jean, I don't want to but I can..."
Edward walked out the door and into the hallway, heading for the main
entrance.

Havoc
grabbed Ed's hood, hauling him back against his body. "You may
have been wrong about that soul part... you seem just as indecisive
as a normal human. By the way, you may want to neaten up your hair if
you go out in public."

Ed bit
his lip before responding. "Do you even have a brush in here..."

Havoc dug
through a pocket. "Here's a comb." He tapped it down on
Ed's shoulder.

Edward
clenched his fists, shoulders heaving once in a silent sob as the
tears ran down his face again. He made no move to take the comb, or
to walk away.

"Don't
cry Ed," Havoc said gently. "I'm sorry that I said what I
did. It's just that you keep going on about how you're such a monster
and not worth anything. How do you think that makes me feel? If
you're a monster, what does that make me? A machine built only for
murder?

"That's
what I am, you know. You were brought back because someone cared
enough to yank you back. I was brought back because they needed
someone able to hunt down the people who wiped out an entire
platoon." He hugged the boy around the shoulders.

The boy
shook again, choking out a half-audible sob as he leaned back against
Jean. Ed tried to say something...but words failed him, and he simply
let it all out.

"Shh...
things will work out... it's not nearly as bad as it seems."

Slowly
but surely the sobbing died down, when Ed found that no more tears
would fall.

He'd been
leaning heavily against Havoc, and the warmth was comforting...so
different from how cold he'd felt since he came back...soon his mind
was in a daze.

"Are
you all right?"

Havoc
didn't dare say anything else. Their relationship usually had several
ups and downs, but never this many in one day.

He
wondered why they always fought and carried on like this. Ed asked a
stupid question or made a stupid comment and he responded with an
equally stupid answer. It was always nerve-wracking to have to tiptoe
around the youth's feelings to see if he was in a good mood or stuck
in a well of self-pity.

Instinct
and pride demanded that he pay back hit for hit and word for word.
But whatever better nature he had (some would argue he had none)
always persuaded him to bow down and take the blows as they came.

"Happy
medium," he murmured, somewhat bitterly.

Edward
reached up a bit weakly and wiped at his eyes, sniffling a bit. "Come
on...let's go..." His human hand slipped slightly cold fingers
through Jean's, giving a tight squeeze to the other man's hand. "I'll
be alright..."

"We're
not going anywhere until you blow your nose and comb your hair,"
Havoc said briskly. He snorted back a slightly hysterical giggle at
the powerful resemblance to his own mother. "And when we get on
the train, there are several things we need to discuss."

"I
can take care of my hair on the train, Jean...and it's just a case of
sniffles, I'll be fine..." Edward sighed slightly.

Havoc
yanked out a handkerchief. "I'm sure. Take it and blow your
nose."

Ed
managed a half-smile, taking the cloth and appeasing the Lieutenant
by blowing his nose into it, sniffing again. "Can we go now?"

"Sure.
Let me grab my jacket and hat." He let go of Ed and turned
around to go back into his room. "We can phone in at the train
station in Dublith," he said over his shoulder.

"Nn..."
Ed nodded, pulling his red coat tightly around his shoulders, as
though it suddenly got colder in the room.

"Something
wrong?" Havoc asked, coming out and settling his cap firmly over
his ears. He adjusted the braiding on his jacket.

"Nn...I'm
fine..." Edward shot Jean a somewhat weary smile. "You
ready?"

"Yeah..."
Havoc's eyes narrowed under the brim as he began to walk towards the
massive foyer. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm
fine, Jean...don't worry so much..." Despite his insisted
reassurance, Edward still leaned slightly against Havoc as they
walked.

"If
I didn't worry about you, who would?" he retorted. "You
don't seem particularly inclined to."

They made
it out the door, Havoc having to flash his military ID. Strangely
enough, they had made it out completely unmolested by military
personnel.

"Odd,"
Havoc murmured.

"Nn?
What's odd?" Gold eyes flecked still with violet looked up at
Jean questioningly.

"If
I had sneaked out of the Medic Ward, I would have been mobbed by
doctors. Now, no one pays me a second thought." He gave a
strained smile. "Just like the good old days."

Ed
managed a grin. "Guess I'm like your escort or something, ne?"
He leaned against Jean again slightly.

Havoc
slid an arm around Ed's shoulders. "I wish I had you in Ishbar
the first time around. I left AWOL from more hospitals than I care to
remember." He grinned faintly. "I kept running out so much
that the old colonel of my battalion finally threw me in solitary. He
told me I was on thirty-day detention because I refused to stay put
and get better. I smarted off to him and he clobbered me across the
face, putting me back in the hospital yet again. So I skived out
again and joined up with my squad." He chuckled. "I was one
hell of a terror back then."

"I
would've held you down and kept you in there..." Ed grinned
slightly at the thought, resting his head against Havoc's side.

"You
probably would have – ouf!" Havoc tripped over a crack in
the sidewalk, hitting the pavement painfully on one knee.

Having
Jean's arm around him, Ed went down as well, automail elbow scraping
the concrete and making sparks fly. Luckily he managed to keep any of
his limbs from real damage, and he turned immediately to Havoc,
crawling up to tend to his knee if need be.

"Owwww,"
Havoc hissed. "That's going to leave a bruise." He got up
to his feet, wincing as something popped in his knee. "C'mon,
kiddo. We have a train to catch." He offered his hand down to
the boy.

"You
okay?" Ed asked as he took the hand, pulling himself back up a
bit shaken still from the sudden fall.

"Give
me a little credit here – I've managed to walk away with worse
injuries. It's just a bit of skin lost and some bruising." He
began walking in the direction of the station, his stride just a
little uneven from where he favored the one leg over the other.

Ed looked
down, true, he knew how that could be, he'd done pretty much the same
before...but it didn't stop him from worrying still. "Nn..."

"Don't
worry. If it makes you feel better, I'll raid the Supply car again
for some antiseptics when we get on the train."

Edward
nodded, taking hold of Jean's hand as they walked, more to comfort
himself than the other, though, as he gave it a light squeeze.
"Nn..."

Havoc
stopped, turning around and putting the back of his hand against Ed's
forehead. "Are you okay? Usually you're a lot chattier than
this." His blue-green eyes were worried.

"Just
thinking is all...I'm fine I swear!" Ed pouted indignantly at
the childlike treatment he was getting.

"So
that's what that grinding noise is," Havoc remarked
thoughtfully. "At first I thought it was an elderly car, then I
thought it was the train. But I was wrong! It's just little Ed,
trying to think."

A bubble
of rage was surfacing in his chest, ready to pour out in a fit of
nails, metal, teeth, and flailing limbs. But Edward settled at the
moment for a seething glare.

Havoc
grinned cheerfully. "Good. Now I know you're back to normal."
He started walking again, the limp alternately clearing up and
getting worse. "D'you mind telling me what you were thinking
about?"

"No,
but it doesn't mean I'm going to tell you even if I don't." Ed
stole a glance at the torn knee of Havoc's uniform.

Havoc
blinked. "Run that one by me again?" He caught Ed's glance
down at his torn knee and decided to ignore it.

"I
think I'll pass on that one..." Edward grinned lazily up at the
sky.

Havoc
tweaked the boy's ear affectionately. "You've never grown up out
of being a little horror, y'know that?"

"I
guess it's just the way I am!" Ed chuckled a bit, swatting
absently at Havoc's head.

Havoc
lazily caught Ed's wrist. "Glad to see you're so unrepentant."

Ed
smiled, tiredness showing on his face again as he leaned once more
against Havoc. "Are we almost there..."

"Yeah.
You think you can manage the steps, Sleepless Wonder?"

"Oh
hush...I got plenty of sleep! I'm not tired!" Ed protested,
standing up on his own to prove it.

Havoc
watched, amused, as the boy swayed a bit on his feet. "Right.
Not tired at all."

"Sheddap..."
Edward felt a bit lightheaded, and his vision swam for a moment
before blacking out completely, his eyes closing as he swayed,
falling against Havoc.

"Oh,
for...!" Havoc's eyes flared for a minute, then he picked up the
boy.

The
conductor grinned sardonically. "Planning to go far, mate?"

"Yeah.
Dublith. Put it on Major Edward Elric's tab. The Fullmetal
Alchemist," he clarified at the blank look.

-

Edward
stirred in Jean's arms, whimpering slightly as he opened his eyes to
military blue, looking up to see the somewhat darkly outlined eyes of
the Lieutenant. "Nn...what happened...?"

"You
blacked out," Havoc told him.

"Nnngh...'s
cold in here..." Ed shivered suddenly, wrapping his arms around
Havoc's midsection and burying his face against the military jacket.

Havoc
took off his cap. "Now I know you're sick. It's hotter than blue
blazes in here."

Ed
frowned, looking up at Jean again, the violet starting to fade from
his eyes as he sat up, suddenly tugging at his collar. "Saaa...it
is getting a little hot..." The boy pulled off his coat, tossing
it against the other seat.

"You're
absolutely nuts," Havoc remarked, getting up to open a window.
"I swear, you have multiple personalities."

Edward
blinked again, leaning against Jean. "I don't know why it was so
cold all of a sudden..."

"Whatever
it was, just try not to faint on me again. You have to try to keep
control over your body. What if that chimera assassin had popped up
while you were out?"

"I-...sorry..."
Ed looked down at his shoes, sighing slightly.

"Ed,
look at me. I know you hate taking orders from me, and you probably
don't like it very much when I say something that bursts your bubble.
You have to learn to control these outbursts, you have to realize
there are more people out there who are like me, and you have to
realize there are plenty of people out there who want to kill you –
whether for pay or because of a grudge. You can't let your guard down
at all.

"Right
now, I'm expendable. You're not. Granted, I'll probably end up
fighting for you, and probably end up getting hurt pretty badly.
That's the way the world works. But I can't protect you on my own. I
need your help."

He sat
back, waiting for the volatile little hellchild of Edward Elric to
blow up in his face.

Wincing
slightly at the tone of voice, Ed curled up on his side in the seat.
"Sorry..."

His voice
was relatively meek, especially for him.

"Ed,
sit up and look at me. A stupid little 'I'm sorry' isn't enough
anymore. You're nineteen years old, and you've been through things
that I wouldn't experience in my nightmares. You're an adult now. Act
like one!"

"I
didn't ever get a chance to be a child, I'm taking my childhood now,
thanks..." Edward curled up tighter, defiantly.

Quick as
lightning, Havoc reached out and grabbed the front of Ed's coat,
hauling him close.

"Wake
UP, Major Elric!" he snarled right into the youth's face. His
eyes glittered weirdly, and long, sharp fangs were bared ferally.
"This isn't some game! This is a matter of life or death, both
yours and mine! You can act like the spoiled little brat you are when
this is finished and I'm either dead or retired!"

Edward
sighed, shrugging off Havoc's hands and snatching his cloak back from
the other side of the car, pulling it tightly around his shoulders
with a shiver. "...'s cold...can't cope with this right now just
give me time to sleep..." Weary, dull eyes looked at Havoc
through half-closed lids, fatigue obvious.

Rage
boiled behind Havoc's catlike eyes. "Dammit, Ed!" he
roared, slamming his fist into the partition. "I don't know why
I care, but maybe I shouldn't!"

He got
up, entire body tense, and left the compartment, slamming the door so
hard that little cracks spider webbed through the laminated wood.

Edward
curled back up again, whimpering slightly, as he let the tears run
out of his dull amber eyes and soak the seat. He lay there still, not
sure if he was really alive then...aside from the throbbing pain in
his chest.

Stupid
little gopher, Havoc thought bitterly, rubbing his temples hard. He
wasn't trying to soothe away any headache. He was forcing one on
himself, just to prove that he was human and could feel the pain.

Going
outside the car, he climbed up top, perching on the roof and letting
the wind caress him.

"Why
does he have to ignore me?" he said to the sun. "Why do I
have to scream and shout before I get a reaction? Why do I have to
say things I don't mean?"

The boy
inside huddled under what little warmth his red coat gave him,
shivering like mad as violet crept across golden irises and he
whimpered pathetically, tears making him only that much colder.

Havoc
watched the greyscape fly past, sadly watching normal life go by.

Normal.
He and Ed certainly weren't normal. Havoc himself couldn't even cry
anymore.

A passing
tree branch nicked his cheek, and blood trickled down like a tear.

The only
thing that reminded Ed that he must be alive was the pain in his
chest, his heart ached...horribly...

Why is
it so cold...

Havoc
dropped down to go back in their compartment, but not to apologize.
This time, Ed had to apologize.

He opened
the door, limping slightly and eyes colder than flint. He stood over
the boy, watching him.

The warm
draft into the room went unnoticed as anything other than another
burst of cold air against Edward's skin, and he shivered again,
curling into a tighter ball against the icy cold he felt around
himself.

Havoc
closed the window. "Wake up, Elric. You're having a nightmare."

Edward
cringed at the words, but other than that didn't move. "I wish
it was a nightmare..."

"Suit
yourself. I'm going to Supply to get some bandages and antiseptic.
And a change of clothing." He limped back out.

Edward
reached out suddenly, stumbling off of the seat and dropping his coat
in the process as he got to his feet a bit shakily and followed. "I'm
sorry...I...don't know what's happening to me..."

"Well,
I hope you'll be able to find out what the hell's wrong with you and
fix it. It's getting on my nerves," he said, voice curt. He
didn't look back.

With that
remark, Ed clutched his shoulders, sliding down the wall of the
nearest compartment divider and to the floor of the aisle. "I..."

Havoc
half-turned towards the boy. "You what? You want forgiveness,
absolution, absolvement? I'm sorry, not this time. I'm not going to
knuckle under and give up anymore. You have to find your way through
this, not ignore it like you have been." His face was hard, but
there was a tiny glimmer of compassion in his slit-pupiled eyes.

"I...oh,
god...Jean I don't feel so good...I..." Edward's sentence was
cut off as his eyes clenched shut and he promptly emptied his stomach
of its contents right in the middle of the aisle.

Perhaps
the more horrifying sight wasn't Ed at the time, but rather what was
in that messy bile...

A violet
eye stared up at Havoc from the pile, goop dripping sickeningly away
from its pupil to reveal the bloodshot mass of white substance and
the red tangle of veins. Edward cupped a hand over his mouth, eyes
still tightly shut against the searing pain in his throat that
threatened to rise again at any moment.

Havoc
blinked twice, horrified and revolted. Then his over-loaded brain
short circuited and he passed out.

The
dizzying sickness in his gut caused Ed's brain to wretch suddenly,
and before he could open his eyes to see the sickening mess that he'd
spewed up, he was out of consciousness, slumped against the wall.

In a
matter of moments, a gurgling sound had come from the sickly little
mess that was on the floor, and it was gone as well, acidic contents
apparently having eaten through the floor of the compartment and
depositing somewhere far back on the tracks.

Military
instinct came back and Havoc managed to wake himself up. He dug claws
into the wall, dragging himself up by inches.

"Not
sick my ass," he retorted, turning around. And promptly fell
over. "What the hell was that!"

Edward
groaned, slowly coming to as one violet eye and one gold looked a bit
hazily at Havoc. "Nnngh...?"

"I
think I'm seriously disturbed," Havoc told the young man
frankly. "And I think I need a cigarette." He got up and
wobbled his way to the door closest to Supply. "I'm certainly
not going to ask you what the fuck just happened."

Ed
coughed wretchedly for a minute, and simply lapsed back into
unconsciousness, too weak to keep himself upright.

Deciding
that it was a decent place for the kid for a few minutes, Havoc
popped in and out of the car, grabbing Ed and hauling the boy and his
goodies back to the compartment and locked the door. Still seriously
disturbed.

Trying to
ignore it for a few minutes, he began to clean his knee.

Edward
suddenly shot up in the seat, having been just seconds away from
screaming his lungs out at the searing pain that threatened to rip
him apart. Slowly his breathing returned to normal, as wide eyes, one
violet and one gold, stared ahead.

"Ed,
it's all right," Havoc said gently. "The nightmare's
over..." Under his breath, he added, "for now..." He
scooped up a few painkillers. "Do you need these?"

Ed nearly
jumped out his skin when Havoc spoke, slowly calming down and shaking
his head to the painkillers. "I...I'll be fine...thanks..."

"You
sure? You said you weren't sick, and look at what happened. I'm
disinclined to believe you right now."

He
divested himself of the jacket. "You're not going to suddenly go
screaming around like a monkey, are you?"

"No...I
won't...I don't know what came over me..." Edward pulled his
coat around his shoulders tightly, sighing. "You shouldn't have
come..."

"Excuse
me?" He unbuttoned his shirt, tossing it onto the discarded
jacket. "Am I hearing a hint of martyrdom in your voice?"

He
grabbed a clean, thin cotton shirt, slipping it on and beginning to
do up the buttons. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you didn't
like me anymore."

"I...sorry...I
just...think I needed to do this alone..." Ed brought his knees
up to his chest, pointedly trying to avoid looking at Havoc while he
changed.

"Riiiight.
Letting you run off into the sunset without so much as a goodbye? I
may be a thick, insensitive clod, but I'm not stupid.

"Besides,
who's going to take care of you if I don’t?"

Havoc
slid out of military-blue pants into brown wool ones.

Ed
finally stole a glance at Havoc, smiling a bit wearily. "Always
have to make it hard for me to mope alone, don't you?"

"That's
what I'm here for." Havoc tied a black silk string tie under the
collar, adjusting it so that it rode comfortably. He slid on the
brown suit jacket. "How do I look?"

Edward
winced visibly, cringing as the image shot into his brain from the
other side.

Am
I...dying?

Tears
suddenly leaked out of violet and gold eyes, and Ed looked down,
fists clenched tightly.

"Ed...?
What's wrong?" Havoc got up, sitting next to the boy. "Something
I said?"

"It's...nothing
just..." Ed shook his head, closing his eyes. "Just
something I remembered..."

Tugging
lightly on Havoc's tie, the younger boy pulled him into a gentle
kiss.

No...you're
going back...where you belong...to be alive...

"Don't
lie to me, Ed," Havoc said, voice rough. "It was something
I said."

He gently
disentangled himself. Putting his hands on Ed's shoulders, he said,
"Look. I don't know what's going on, but I'd like you to tell
me. Something's wrong, and I want to know what."

"It
might've been something you said but it wasn't something you said
here..." One violet eye and one gold looked up at Havoc.

"The
other side and the gate won't leave me alone..."

Havoc
sighed heavily. He passed his hand over his face. "I –
there's really nothing more I can say. I've said it all, haven't I?"
He rubbed his temples tiredly. "I'm getting too old for this."

"You
don't have to say anything..." Edward shot a cold glance at
Havoc. "And one more crack about being old and I'll have you
wear a collar for a week..." There was a hint of an amused grin.

"Good
lord, not a collar," Havoc said sarcastically. "That'd make
all your dreams come true, wouldn't it."

"Maybe
back then..." Edward mused slightly, tracing the slight point of
Havoc's ear with his fingertip.

Havoc
scooted back, out of reach. "You sure recover quick."
Honestly, he was wary of such a recovery.

"I
know...it's weird...it worries me, to be honest..." Ed scooted
closer again, tilting his head slightly. "What's wrong?"

"Besides
the fact that one part of me is scared out of his wits and I'm backed
into a corner?"

Edward
stopped his advancement, sitting there on the seat like a hurt puppy.
"Honestly, Jean...you're not the only one who's scared of me
right now..."

"I'd
hope not! I may hauk up hairballs, but you're hauking up eyeballs!
That's enough to make anyone slightly panicky." He eyed Ed
warily, waiting to see how that comment went over.

"What?
I what!" Ed stared in idle shock after the comment sunk in.

"You.
Threw. Up. An. Eyeball." He nodded towards Ed's face. "Creepiest
damn thing I ever saw in my life. Probably explains why one of your
eyes is a different shade than the other."

"It
is! I DID!" Ed suddenly felt the urge to vomit again, stomach
giving an awful wretch. He clutched his gut, doubling over with a
pained wince.

"NOT
IN THE COMPARTMENT!" Havoc yelled, unlocking the door. "If
you throw up, do it outside. I don't want acid eating through the
floor in here!"

"Nngh!"
Ed winced again, collapsing on the floor of the compartment with a
pathetic little whimper. "What's...h-happening...to m-me..!"

"Why
the hell are you asking me? You're the alchemist, I'm just the
experiment!"

Ed
groaned, shivering, as a bluish white light crackled up around his
body for a moment, then died down. "I...it's...cold..."

A memory
from his leonine half shot up like a bullet – the feeling of
being helpless as frightening blue-white lightning consumed his
consciousness, stinging like the kiss of a mamba, burning like the
plains fires, the soft, slow kiss of death wearing destiny's cloak...

Havoc
pressed himself back against the wall, whimpering slightly.

Edward
just huddled there, cringing every so often amidst shivers, it was
cold...cold like death and they were coming for him again...

Havoc
reached across the seats, grabbing his discarded uniform jacket and
threw it at Ed. "Wake up, Major, before we both go insane!"

"I
am awake...I think I am..." Edward pulled the jacket around his
shoulders, inhaling the scent of smoke and calming slightly.

"Do
me a favor and don't ever do that again," Havoc growled,
stepping over the boy to get the pack of cigarettes and lighter that
he had filched out of Army Supply.

"I'm
sorry...really..." Ed whimpered, not knowing just what he'd done
to cause that kind of reaction, though he curled up tighter in the
coat.

"Just
stop apologizing, all right?" He lighted a cigarette, inhaling
gratefully. "I don't care if you're sorry or not! I care that
these little outbursts are physically and mentally debilitating to
the both of us, and could get us killed!"

A tiny
whimper was all that came out of Ed for a good five minutes, before
he dared to speak up again.

"I
think...when I'm around you...I just get...scared...that I might lose
you...and the fear takes over..."

"You're
not going to lose me," Havoc said gently. "Well... we both
run a very possible risk of me dying," he amended. "But I
can withstand a lot more now – I won't go that easily. So stop
being afraid. If anything, it'll make my life harder."

"I
guess I just can't help it...I keep...seeing the other side
before...and..." Edward shivered again. "Keep me
warm...please..."

Havoc
knelt down, putting his arms around the boy. "Just promise me
that you'll think over what I've said, all right? I don't want to
have lost my temper at you for absolutely no reason." He
unbraided Ed's messy hair. "I thought you were going to fix your
hair on the train," he said, gently kidding.

"Nn...I
did say that, didn't I..." Edward let out a half-hearted
chuckle, leaning into Havoc and feeling the warmth that radiated from
the other man's body. "I promise I'll think about it..." He
sighed gently.

"I
guess that's as good as I'm going to get, isn't it?" He began
working his fingers through the boy's hair, using his claws like a
brush. "Good lord, man, do rats nest in your hair?"

"Dunno...you're
the one with your fingers in it...you tell me..." Ed snuggled up
against Havoc a bit more.

Havoc's
fingers snagged at a particularly tough tangle. He picked through it,
trying to smooth it out without hurting the boy.

The boy
winced slightly, tensing up at the slightly painful tug, but relaxing
again as it came undone.

"You're
awfully quiet," Havoc murmured.

"Nn...don't
have anything to say..." Edward sighed again, burying his face
in Havoc's jacket.

Havoc
shrugged. "All right." He began to braid Ed's hair, neatly,
quickly and professionally.

Havoc's
fingers in his hair were soothing...and Edward soon felt the haze of
drowsiness fall over his thoughts and start to drag him down.

Havoc
held the drowsy boy in his arms, feeling a little tired himself. He
was stressed from all the occurrences of that day, and his knee was
beginning to hurt a lot. He let his head fall back and his eyes
close.

Edward
sleepily found himself wrapping his arms around Jean's waist once
more, supporting the older man as well as being supported, as the
haze of sleep finally took over.

Havoc's
eyes closed all the way and he slid off into darkness.

-

Edward
awoke to the sound of a whistle blowing loudly through his dreams,
and the hazy voice of a man yelling 'Dublith! Last call for Dublith!
Dublith, all off! Next stop, Bomu!"

"Nn...Jean...'s
time to go..." He rubbed at his eyes drowsily and yawned.

Havoc
snapped awake, grabbed his stuff and sprinted for the door. "How
long was I asleep!"

"Saaa,
I don't know! Oi! Wait for me!" The previously tired braided
blonde was out the door in a few seconds flat, darting after Jean.

Izumi
watched the train carefully, looking for a blonde alchemist in a red
coat to come tumbling out. Colonel Mustang had phoned her earlier to
inform her that the little bundle'o'trouble was headed her way.

Havoc was
first off the train, followed shortly momentarily by Edward, in all
of his red-coated, blonde-braided, newly restored nineteen-year-old
glory.

Havoc
felt a powerful fist connect with his solar plexus, and he flew
backwards, bouncing ingloriously off the train's siding.

"WOOOOF!"

Izumi
realized, a bit belatedly, that the man she had just belted wasn't
Ed. Oh, well.

"EDWARD
ELRIC!"

Said
braided alchemist skidded to a stop, eyes wide and staring at Havoc
slumped against the train, jaw agape. Slowly his head turned towards
the voice that had yelled his name, only to be met with an
astoundingly hard blow to the jaw, causing him to follow his
appointed 'bodyguard' into the side of the train with a sickening
THUD.

"You
miserable, scapegrace little terror! What the hell have you been
doing!" Izumi roared at the prone teenager.

To the
stunned man in the brown suit, she offered her hand and her
apologies. "I'm Izumi Curtis. You are...?"

"Fizz..."
Havoc could hardly breathe. Damn, Ed's sensei was scary!

Ed
coughed, hacking up a bit of flesh and nearly losing his ability to
string together coherent thought, before Izumi-mode sank in. "Being
dead? Does that count?" He really shouldn't have said that...Al
would get such the beating...

Izumi
froze dead in her tracks, unable to believe what she just heard out
of her former student's mouth. She hauled Ed up by the front of his
jacket. "What?"

"It's
the reason I came here in the first place...I suppose Al hasn't kept
in contact with you at all then if you didn't know..." Edward
lifted his hands to pull down the coat and shirt underneath to show
the red as blood array drawn on his left shoulder. "Not dead
anymore though.."

Shocked
beyond her worst nightmares, Izumi let Ed drop. "Young man, I
think you need to explain yourself." The sight of that array
disturbed her deeply, but she couldn't think why. "Come, on
let's go to the shop." She noticed Ed's escort get to his feet,
and gave him a hand. Then she noticed something quite odd. "You
– you're a chimera, aren't you?"

"Yes,
I am." He dusted himself off, his chest creaking slightly.
"Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc, cat of the military, at your
service." He wasn't quite fond of how his voice came out as a
breathy squeak, but that would go away soon.

Pulling
the cloth back up to cover his shoulder again, Ed joined the others,
briefly squeezing Jean's hand, despite his downward gaze. The
simpleness of the gesture spoke volumes, though.

'I need
you...to help me get through this...'

Havoc
squeezed Ed's hand back. "I've been basically drafted as Major
Elric's bodyguard for the time being. If you would be so kind as to
put up with me as well as the Major, I would be grateful." He
flashed a winning smile. "I don't bite."

In spite
of her worry, Izumi smiled back. "I think we can manage to find
a cubbyhole for you, Lieutenant. If you'll follow me." She
turned on her heel and moved off.

Edward's
hand slipped free of Havoc's, as he slowly trodded after his former
sensei.

Havoc
limped after the two alchemists, feeling like the rear-end of a freak
parade – an insane alchemy sensei, a freak of alchemy, and a
freak of nature. Just what he wanted out of life.

He
growled at himself. Why was he thinking such mean things?

"Come
on, you two. We don't have all day." Izumi was worried stiff,
and that made her even more abrupt than usual. "Hurry up, Ed,
otherwise you'll be doing laps around Dublith."

"Hai,
Sensei..." Ed picked up the pace, still staring at his shoes as
he walked.

After a
few tense minutes, they finally arrived at her home. The boys were
out on a fishing expedition, so they would have relative privacy to
discuss exactly what was going on.

Havoc's
instincts tingled as soon as they got into the house. "Well...
I'll go upstairs and disappear for a while," he said quietly. "I
doubt I'll be of any help right now."

Edward
shot a glance at Havoc, eyes wide for a moment as if to say 'you're
going to leave me?'

Havoc
looked levelly back at the anxious boy, his thoughts clearly written
on his face.

'Do you
really think that I'd be of any help?'

Edward
bit his lip, two-toned eyes still gazing back.

'I need
you...'

Havoc put
his hand on the boy's shoulder. "You'll be fine," he
whispered. "Izumi's truly worried about you. And, odd as it
seems, she really does care about you." He made to go upstairs.

"Lieutenant,
would you mind staying down here?" Izumi called from the
kitchen. "And do you want a cup of coffee or tea?"

With
those words ringing in his ears, Ed grabbed Havoc's hand, dragging
him back to the kitchen stubbornly.

'You're
going to stay whether you think it's necessary or not!'

Somewhat
bemused by the turn of events, Havoc allowed himself to be dragged
into the homey kitchen. "Coffee would be fine. Black,
preferably."

Izumi set
down the carafe on the small kitchen table. "We have pumpkin
bread and nutbread, so help yourself." She got out two mugs and
a glass, filling the glass with water.

Edward
absently nibbled on a heel of pumpkin bread, leaning slightly against
Havoc in the process.

"All
right, Ed, Lieutenant. Take a seat, and I want to know exactly what's
happening."

"Where
to begin..." Ed continued to nibble absently at the bread, not
really tasting it.

Izumi
snapped a towel at the back of the boy's head. "Don't be flip
with me young man. Do what I've always told you to do – start
at the beginning and finish at the end." She sat down across
from the chimera and her former student. "Omit anything that
doesn't have to do with what you are."

"Itai!
Careful with that thing!" Ed rubbed the back of his head
slightly. "I died, three years ago...I've been living on the
other side for those past three years, Al brought me back. I don't
know how."

Izumi
felt really old for the first time in her life, and she knew she
looked it. "Al read Dante's books. He had to have.

"I
don't think Al knew what he was doing. It looks like it was a
knee-jerk reaction to your death, just like what you did for your
mother." She rested her forehead in her hand.

"Did
I really teach you two that badly? All these theories, these
hypotheses, these postulates. You know why they haven't been proven?
It's because no reaction of that magnitude or type has ever been
pulled off completely. Something always goes wrong." She looked
levelly at her former student through her fingers. "For you... I
think that your body's unstable. You're caught between three places
and your physiology isn't strong enough to withstand the constant
three-way tug. And your mind probably isn't stable enough to handle
whatever's being thrown at you, either."

Edward
leaned more heavily against Havoc now, sighing with a pained grin.
Knows me too well...there's sensei for you..."I don't know what
Al lost though...it doesn't appear as though he's lost
anything...it's worrying me..."

Izumi
shrugged. "I don't know either. He hasn't spoken to me in weeks.
He asked me for access to what I salvaged of Dante's library, and I
haven't seen him since.

"Remember,
Ed: What's lost doesn't always have to be seen or touched. There are
lots of things people can lose that aren't tangible."

"I
know..." The braided boy set down the half-eaten heel of bread.
"That's what worries me most..."

Izumi
nodded. "You should be. There's nothing really that we can do
right now, seeing as none of us knows where he is. But you... you
look a little pale. Are you feeling all right?"

"I'm
fine...just...just a little tired is all..." Edward shuddered at
a cold breeze that only he felt, subconsciously leaning more against
Jean.

"Don't
lie to me," she said. "Get yourself a glass of pickle juice
and go upstairs and lie down for a bit. I'll call you for supper."

Knowing
better than to defy Izumi's orders, Edward nodded solemnly and went
to the fridge to pour said glass, sipping idly at it as he trudged
upstairs.

"Pickle
juice?" Havoc asked, quirking a small grin.

“It
fixes everything except a broken heart," Izumi said, smiling a
little herself. "And I'm sorry."

“What
for?” Havoc asked, smiling sunnily. “You haven’t
done anything to me yet.”

“I’m
sorry for decking you like I did. I mistook your for Ed. Sometimes,
pain is the only way to get that boy to listen.”

“I
know.” Havoc sipped his coffee appreciatively. “But I
honestly wonder about how hard it is for him. When he was fighting
with me, he made a very good point: I had never seen the ‘Gate’
and I didn’t know what it was like to be pulled constantly back
and forth between here and there.”

Izumi
sighed. “I think his main problem is essentially three things.
One, he’s in denial about a great many things. Two, you’ve
become a chimera, which he’s always regarded as an inferior
life form, no matter how perfect. Three...” Here she sighed
again, sipping her coffee. “He’s become something he’s
always hated and feared.”

“A
homunculus.”

“In
a manner of speaking, yes. He can’t be a true homunculus –
one eye is still amber, he apparently doesn’t need to consume
the Red Stone, and I don't think he has Oroburous symbol. I think
what his brother used to pull him back was a fusion between soul
transmutation and human transmutation.”

“What
makes you think that? I know about the array thing on his back –”
he winced at the memory, “but is that really enough?”

“I
don’t know. I’m sure you’ve noticed how his eyes
flicker from amber to violet when he’s in the grip of any
strong emotion. That indicates homunculus. But the array you’ve
mentioned is something else entirely.” She rested her forearms
on her thighs, cradling the mug in her hands. “Bear in mind,
Lieutenant, I’m just guessing on most of this. I don’t
know what Alphonse did, and I don’t want to know, quite
frankly.”

“Are
mood swings a possible byproduct of it?”

“I’d
say that’s just him being in shock. He wants one thing, the
Other Side wants something else, he can’t reconcile the two.”
She paused for a minute. “I think what we’re dealing with
is something as close to the perfect bringing back of the dead that
humans can do.”

“The
younger Elric is certainly the Miracle Alchemist,” Havoc
murmured.

“But
even Edward is flawed," she reminded him. "Alchemists can
make a chimera with perfect recollection of his past life and just a
few minor visual clues as to abnormality while retaining superior
power. It’s just a matter of combining two minds, two bodies,
and two instincts, with the human being most prominent. But bringing
back the dead...” She shook her head sadly. “In pulling
the soul back from the Other Side, essential things are lost. Some
things are added, but I doubt they’re very good –
memories of the coldness, the eyes, the loneliness.” She met
him eye for eye. “The Edward we knew three years ago is dead.
He is almost the Edward that would have been here if he hadn’t
died, but a good part of his core personality is gone. Leeched out by
the world transference. I don’t think what Alphonse did was a
kindness. The dead are supposed to stay dead.”

“But
now that he’s back, we can’t let him die,” Havoc
argued.

“I
know. Perhaps... maybe this is too much to ask from anyone, but maybe
if he stayed around those he was close to three years ago, he’d
regain some of what made him Edward.”

“That
may not work,” Havoc said soberly. “We’ve changed
too much. All of us. Things have gotten grimmer, and we can’t
afford to let ourselves get used to each other again. There’s a
war brewing, and we’re either going to be dead by the time it’s
over, or hurt very, very badly.” He struggled for a minute.
“Given my druthers, I’d rather keep Ed in a safe place
until all of this blows over, but I can’t. He won’t let
me, Central won’t let me, and I can’t let myself do it
because it’d be telling him that I have no faith in him. And I
can’t do that. Not to Ed.”

Izumi
smiled briefly. “You’re a good man, Jean Havoc. And you,”
she said, turning around to glare at the steps, “are
eavesdropping. Didn’t I tell you to go upstairs and get some
sleep?” Her scowl got just the tiniest fraction more
frightening. “How long have you been there?”

There was
a clattering crash as Ed toppled down the rest of the stairs, rubbing
his head in pain. He hissed a bit at the bump forming on his head and
one gold, one violet eye stared helplessly at Izumi. "Eheh...sorry?"

"Ed,
how much did you hear?" Havoc asked hopelessly, swiveling to
look at the scapegrace major.

"All
of it..." The trodden boy got to his feet, slipping into the
chair next to Havoc and curling his knees to his chest. "Sorry..."

The
maniacal light popped back into Izumi's eyes. "Sorry? Sorry! You
little fool, what do you have to say for yourself?"

"Nothing
at all..." Ed sat there, awaiting the inevitable beating he was
about to get.

Izumi
rubbed her temples. "I don't know what to do with you, Ed.
You're nineteen years old. You should know better."

Sensing
impending doom, Havoc got up. "I think I'll go take a walk,"
he announced.

There was
a sharp tugging on Havoc's sleeve that warned of worse were he to
leave now.

"Ed,
go with him. Maybe he can knock some sense into that thick skull of
yours. Besides, I need to get started on supper."

Ed looked
at Izumi with a mild shock, then turned to Jean, standing and leaning
against him slightly. "Nn.." He nodded.

Havoc
made good his escape.

"Oi!
Wait for me!" Ed stumbled out of the house after Havoc, soft
curses strung out under his breath.

"I
can't move that fast, kid. I think I screwed up something in my
knee." Havoc was limping noticeably now, favoring his left leg.
He winced.

"Sit
down." Ed's words left no room for question. "Right here."

"Nah.
I'll just walk it off."

Ed wasn't
going to let that slide. "You might be my bodyguard but I still
outrank you. Second Lieutenant Jean Havoc that is an order sit your
ass down NOW!"

Havoc
turned around and leveled a finger at the boy. "Give me five
good reasons why I shouldn't pound you into pulp for pulling rank on
me."

"I'm
still your superior, I CARE, you're HURT, I'm tired of you treating
me like a little kid, and I'm sick and tired of the fact that the
only person you care to even show the proper authority is Mustang!"
Ed spat back, frustration in his voice.

Pent-up
frustration and anger exploded violently. But it wasn't directed at
an inanimate object or himself.

With two
quick steps, he lashed out, hitting Ed across the face with the back
of his right hand. "I'll start showing you proper respect when
you start acting like an adult!" he snarled, his voice sounding
like an enraged lion's growl.

Edward
took the blow in full, staggering back against a light post to steady
himself. The man could hit hard, that was a given. But he deserved
it...

The
blonde alchemist didn't even say a word.

Havoc
stood there, chest heaving, shock scrawled across his leonoid
features. He'd just struck a superior officer... and damn, it felt
good!

Staggering
up straight again and wiping a tiny trickle of blood from the corner
of his mouth, Ed simply grinned. "I'm surprised you hadn't
gotten up the guts to do it sooner, Jean...hell knows you should
have..." There was a bit of bitterness in his voice, but if you
looked close enough, you could tell that it was false.

Havoc
looked up warily, tensed to run like hell. "I'm not sure I
follow, sir."

"Cut
the bullshit Jean, we're beyond 'sir' here, if we weren't, you'd be
euthanized by now and you know it..." A flicker of violet shot
through his still-golden eye.

"Fine,
then. Ed, what the hell are you saying? That you wanted me to belt
you one? God knows you needed it, with you acting like you have.
But..."

"How
else am I supposed to know that this isn't just some bad dream? What
goes around comes around, and so far none of it's come quite all the
way around...I needed it..."

Havoc
smiled shyly. "I think we're in agreement there."

"Gonna
deck me again, eh, Jean?" Ed tilted his head a bit. "Didn't
get this side yet, I'll give ya a clean shot..."

Now the
Lieutenant grinned. "I'll take a rain check on that one. Who
knows, you might piss me off again."

"Feel
free to take it anytime..." Shadows flickered in front of Ed's
eyes but he tried to pay them no heed.

Havoc
turned on his heel and began to limp off. "Remember, Ed. While
we're here, you ask me as a friend. Don't order me around." He
waved a hand idly. "Remember, I'm more than capable of causing
more serious bodily harm."

"Yeah...then
in that case get your injured ass back here and lemme check out that
knee..." Edward grinned outwardly, but inside he could hardly
manage a grimace.

"Ehhh...
do I have to? I'm here now." Havoc put his hands on his hips.
"It's probably nothing more than severe bruising, anyway."

"That's
enough for me to worry about either way, Jean, I'll come there you
just have to promise me to sit. Now." Ed slowly made his way up
to Havoc.

With a
capitulating sigh, Havoc plunked down. With a groan, he stretched out
the leg in question. "Damn, I am getting old."

"What
did I tell you about those old comments..." One violet eye and
one gold snapped up to meet Havoc's as he knelt beside the man,
pulling up the leg of his pants to observe the damage.

Havoc
grinned ruefully. "I had hoped you were joking."

"I
might have to just take myself up on it though..." There was a
hint of a playful grin as Ed pressed carefully against the bruised
and scraped knee. "Tell me where it hurts..."

Havoc
yowled as soon as the slightest pressure was put on his knee.
"There," he said weakly.

"Nn...just
bruising, eh?" Ed lifted Havoc's leg, carefully letting it bend
at the knee. "Does that hurt as well?"

"A
little. Not as much as when there's pressure on it."

"Hnn...can
you move it with full range yourself with minimal pain?" Edward
prodded a bit at the underside.

"Define
'minimal'," he said with a grimace. "It's fine until I
stand."

"Perhaps
bruised...possibly sprained...you should still stay off of it for a
while and rest...it's not a good idea to further injure it as it
is..." Ed ripped the bottom of his coat to make a makeshift
bandage. "And you should really clean it...it's looking
infected..." Clapping his hands, he wet the rag with some water
vapor from the air, and dabbed at the scratches.

He
hissed. "Dammit, Ed, just leave well enough alone. I'll be
fine."

"I
have the right to be worried, don't I Jean?" Edward paused,
looking up at Havoc again.

"Well...
yes..." He fell silent, wrangling with his pride and his respect
for the boy.

"You're
not unbreakable...and I worry because I care..." Ed sighed,
wrapping his arms around Havoc's shoulders and pulling the man into a
hug. "You'll put me too high on your priorities and end up
getting yourself hurt because of it...and then I'll just feel
guilty..."

"Ed,
I've never been high on my list of priorities. What I have to do for
other people is more important than what I have to do for myself.
That's why I'm a soldier." He stroked Ed's hair. "I don't
want to lose you. That's why I push so hard."

"Whether
or not I wanted to be I've been forced into the role of a soldier
myself...after all this, I'd say it'd be hard not to call myself
one..the military is more my home than home itself...but I'll push
right back if you think you're going to sacrifice yourself in my
stead, I'm not worth it..." Ed closed his eyes, holding the
other man closer.

"Don't
devalue yourself. You're worth as many shots at life as I can give
you. You're still young; you have a chance to change your life, to
retire and become something else." His own arms tightened.

"I'm
old, you know. Too old: I reached peak performance years ago. I
really shouldn't be out on the front lines anymore.

"I've
made my living killing people for over a decade, ever since I was a
little younger than yourself. It's only justice that I get killed
fighting for you."

"Not
if I can help it...I'd never forgive myself..."

Hah...you're
crying again Ed...you baby...

"It
would be an honor to die like that..." Havoc's voice was dreamy.
"Fighting to protect someone I love. No... that's not a bad way
to go at all... and everyone has to go at some point or another. I'll
fight like hell to stay alive, but when I die, just let me stay dead.
That's all I ask for."

"I'm
not making that mistake again, you can trust me on that..." Ed
nuzzled his head against Havoc's neck, sighing again.

"Good.
I don't want to be like someone's plaything, yanked across who knows
where and beyond."

"I
wouldn't wish this kind of a life on you or anybody..." How long
had they been sitting there? Edward couldn't help but wonder.

"We
should probably start heading back to your teacher's place,"
Havoc said, voice slightly rueful. "Dinner's probably done, and
the sun's beginning to set."

"Now
I remember the real reason I didn't want you to come along..."
Ed pulled back, smiling a bit ruefully himself. "She'll always
be home you know..."

"Yknow..."
he started thoughtfully. "Even though she whaled us pretty good
on the platform, I think right now she's too worried about you to
think about doing anything. Much too worried. Help me up, will you?"

Ed got
up, chuckling a bit to himself, and extended a hand to help Havoc up.
"Promise me you'll stay off of that leg until it gets better?
I'll bring you meals in bed..." He smiled a bit mischievously.

"You?
Bring me meals in bed? Good lord, no." He shook his head,
smiling, remembering the last encounter with food, Ed, and himself.

He
started off, his limp even worse.

"Hey!
I said take it easy! Stay off that leg, dammit!" Ed hooked
Havoc's arm over his shoulders to act as a support. "I'll make
you stay in that bed even if I have to transmute you into it,
Jean...and despite the fact that I know that would be extremely
kinky..." His voice trailed off.

"This
before or after you put me in the collar?" Havoc said
humorously. He let Ed 'support' him, but kept his weight on his own
feet. He hated being helped like that.

"Hmm...I'll
have to think about that..." Ed grinned, leaning a bit against
Jean despite being there to support him.

"I
was kidding, Ed. Kidding!"

Edward
chuckled a bit in response. "I'll let you sit at the table
tonight, but after that it's up to bed, okay?" Perhaps he had
ulterior motives...

"It
most certainly is not!" Havoc said indignantly. "What about
my duty?"

"I'll
stay with you if you're that insistent about duty, Jean..." Ed
practically purred.

"Er..."
He wasn't quite sure how to answer that. They arrived on the stoop of
Izumi's kitchen door. "Why don't we discuss this later?"

"Fine
by me..." Ed grinned and opened the door. "After you?"

"Fine..."
He stepped in, only to be greeted by a bustling Izumi.

"Food's
on the stove, kids," she said, carrying a stack of books.

Knowingly,
Ed idled past Havoc, making to set a place for himself and Havoc and
serve whilst his teacher busied herself with other things.

"Oh,
and Ed? If you need me, I'll be in my study." Her face was black
with wrath. "I'm doing the research your brother didn't do.
Hopefully, I'll have you back to close to normal in a few weeks."
She disappeared, and closed the door to her study behind her.

Ed
shuddered at the look on his sensei's face. "Kowaii..." He
busied himself, finally sitting down and getting to his food.

"You
know, your teacher is one supremely scary woman," Havoc
remarked, still standing.

"Sit
down and eat already..." Ed managed after swallowing the
mouthful of food he had.

"You
haven't seen scary yet..."

Havoc
moved slowly and painfully to sit down. He stared listlessly at his
plate. "Not hungry, really..." He poked through it. There
wasn't enough meat to feed a stuffed lion, really...

He
frowned. Now, where did that thought come from?

Eyeing
Havoc's idle prodding, Ed finally got the hint and stood up, moving
to the fridge and pulling out a barely cold ham that seemed to have
been put there recently. "Nn.." He said through a mouthful
of potatoes, tossing the ham to Jean as he went back to his seat.

"I
told you, I'm not hungry," Havoc repeated. Not even the ham
looked good in this state.

What you
want is an animal fresh from the kill, still twitching, still bloody
and warm...

He got up
abruptly, revolted by his thoughts. "I'm going to go upstairs,"
he said in a strained voice.

Ed
stopped in mid chew, swallowing what he had in his mouth and sighing,
putting the meat back in the fridge before Izumi freaked for him
leaving it out. "You alright?"

"No,"
he replied shortly. "I'm hearing voices and I suddenly have an
urge to hunt and kill my own food. No, I'm not all right."

"Maybe
you should get some sleep...?" Ed didn't really know what to
think of it, he knew it was no doubt the lion's instincts trying to
take over, he just didn't know what to do. "Let's get you
upstairs then..." He stood up and made to follow Jean.

"No,
don't follow me. That's probably not too good of an idea right now."
He winced at a twinge from his leg. "Just tell me where the
antiseptics and bandages are. I can fend for myself..."

The 'I
think' wasn't spoken, but understood.

Stubborn
as he was, Ed wasn't going to let up. "I can take care of
myself, you know..." He walked up to Havoc and gave him one of
those 'I'm not letting you go off alone' looks.

Havoc
sighed. "Fine."

He began
to slowly climb the stairs, wincing every time he put his weight on
his knee.

"I'm
tempted to carry you, you know...I don't like that wincing...maybe
you should just sit down for a minute..." Ed placed a hand on
Havoc's shoulder warily.

"I'll
be okay, Ed. I'll sit down when we get to wherever you're going to
stuff me for the night." He made it to the top of the staircase,
breathing a quiet sigh of relief. "See? That didn't kill me."

"Alright
fine..." Ed huffed, steering Jean into the room just right of
the staircase.

Once
inside, he closed the door, pulling back the sheets and turning on
the bedside lamp. Pulling up a chair, Ed took a small book out of the
beside table drawer and sat down, slipping on a pair of reading
glasses and opening the book to the marked page.

Havoc
blinked. "Hey. You mind telling me where the antiseptics are?"

"Nn?
Oh...right...you sit down on the bed I'll get them." Edward
stood, setting down his book and shuffling to the bathroom to get
some supplies.

Havoc sat
down, discarding his jacket and tie. He unbuttoned the first two
buttons of his shirt.

Why the
hell are you mothering me, Ed?

Ed came
back a minute later with the antiseptics, a damp washcloth, and some
fresh bandages, as well as antibiotic cream, and set the materials on
the bed next to Havoc. "Something the matter?" He noted the
slightly miffed expression on the Lieutenant's face.

"It's
nothing." He kicked off his boots, rolled up the pant leg and
blanched. "Strike that. I'm going to have to lance my knee."

Ed
frowned. "Just some minor bruising, hm? Off with the pants, I'll
get some more towels...and a blade, I hope you don't plan on using
your claws for that..." He stood, running his fingers through
his loose bangs and sighing as he headed for the door.

Havoc bit
the tip of his tongue, chuckling at Ed. "However did you guess?"
he murmured, ignoring the order to get rid of his trousers.

Returning
from downstairs with a small knife and some more towels, Edward took
a seat across from Havoc. "You don't want me to have to
transmute them off do you?" He made to clap his hands.

Havoc
grabbed a roll of bandaging, bouncing it expertly off Ed's forehead.
"Please. I can do this with my trousers on."

He placed
a towel over his thigh, close to the festered injury. Taking the
knife, he lanced the wound quickly, squeezing out the pus. When it
had seeped onto the towel, he folded the soiled cloth into another
towel and liberally spread antiseptics and antibiotics over the cuts.
He bound the mess neatly with another roll of bandages.

"See?"

Ed sighed
again, wishing he hadn't stared at the procedure as he swallowed the
lump in his throat. "Fine..." He took the supplies and
moved them to the bedside table. "Going to sleep now?"

"I
wasn't particularly planning on it, but if Mother insists..." He
cocked his head. "You look vaguely disturbed."

Trying to
hide his worry, Ed smiled, unconvincingly. "I'll be fine...and
don't call me 'Mother'...that disturbs me when I keep having thoughts
of you in bed you know..." He frowned.

Havoc
rubbed the scar on the left side of his neck. "What's up?"

"Nothing..."
Ed pointedly averted Havoc's gaze, attempting to appear lost in the
book he had been reading previously, pushing up his glasses a bit.

Havoc
reached over, gently sliding the glasses off the young man's face.
"Ed, tell me. Something's obviously disturbed you. I'd like to
know what it is."

Pouting,
the alchemist squirmed in his seat a bit. "I don't know, Jean, I
just..." Ed paused, not quite sure what to finish that with.

Havoc
folded the glasses, putting them on the bedside table. "You just
what?" He began to unbutton his cuffs, fumbling slightly with
the right-hand one. "What's wrong?"

Edward
whined slightly, he knew Izumi's study was directly downstairs from
this room, too, and that made it worse..."I..."

Having
finally triumphed over the stubborn button, Havoc rolled back his
sleeves. "You're not making any sense."

Ed
sighed. "I know that..." He stood, pacing around to the
other side of the bed and sitting on the edge. "Feeling a little
better?"

"Yeah.
I think the infection was what was making it so painful to walk. The
pus and swelling would have been pressing against a lot of nerves and
muscles in there." He stretched, his back cracking. "I'm
going to lance it again in the morning, just in case."

"Ah..."
Ed stretched as well, kicking off his boots and tossing his coat
somewhere across the room, before the jacket soon followed.

That
action was followed by a yawn and another stretch, before he flopped
down on the bed and curled up under the sheets, back to Havoc.

Havoc ran
a hand through his hair. "You know, Ed, you still haven't
answered me as to why you looked like you'd just swallowed a slug
after I bandaged my knee."

"It's
nothing, don't dwell on it so much...get some sleep or something..."
Ed tried to wave it off as though he were tired, pulling the covers
up under his chin.

"I
have the right to be worried, don't I, Ed?"

Edward
cringed. "Stop using my words against me, dammit..." He sat
up, spinning around to bombard Jean with a full-on glare.

Havoc
smiled sweetly. "So you're allowed to pester me, but I'm not
allowed to pester you? Is that what you're saying?"

On pure
whim, Edward tugged at Havoc's shirt collar, pulling him closer to
press his lips into the hollow of the other man's neck, eyelashes
brushing faintly against his cheeks as he moved upwards, nibbling
lightly on Jean's lower lip.

Havoc
stiffened in surprise. He attempted to peel the boy off, but Ed had a
death-grip on his collar.

Moving
along Havoc's jaw line to lightly tease the scars at his neck, Ed
sighed. "Is it my fault I can't get enough of you?"

"At
least warn me when you're going to pull something like this."
Despite his grumbling, his head moved aside and back.

"I
tried...do you have any idea how hard it is to hold back despite
knowing that Sensei would kill me for doing this here?" Ed
whined, looking into Jean's eyes.

Havoc
smirked. "Then don't do it."

"Do
you have any idea how loud my conscience is screaming at me not to?"
Edward pulled back, curling onto his side of the bed again and
whimpering.

"So
that's what that tiny voice is..." Havoc grabbed a pillow. "I
guess I'm sleeping on the floor."

"No
you're not...come here dammit!" Ed gave up on trying and rolled
over, pulling Jean down into a fiercely hungry kiss, a tear running
down his cheek.

I'm
sorry...

Havoc
grunted as Ed's action forced his lower lip against one of his
canines. It wasn't really the pain that bothered him, just the influx
of blood that nearly made him choke.

Why me?
What did I ever do to deserve this?

Sputtering
slightly, Ed pulled back, instinctively flinching and curling up,
faint traces of blood still on his lips. "S-sorry..."

Havoc
coughed, trying to get the blood out of his windpipe. He scrubbed his
lips with the back of his hand, a bright streak of red left from
knuckle to wrist. "I swear I'm going to file down my teeth
sometime!"

"Sorry..."
Ed's voice was weak and small, as he continued to inwardly curse
himself and his lack of control.

Havoc
smacked his pillow down over Ed's head. "For crying out loud,
it's not your fault! Neither of us can help it if I have abnormally
long and sharp teeth!"

"But
I should be able to at least control myself!" Edward snatched
the pillow and hugged it tightly to his chest, looking teary-eyed at
Jean.

"You've
never really been good at control," Havoc pointed out. "Witness
when I call you 'a short, little, mutated peanut from hell.'"

"I'LL
SHOW YOU WHO'S A SHORT LITTLE MUTATED PEANUT FROM HELL!" Edward
promptly tackled Havoc in a momentary fit of rage.

Havoc
started laughing, fending the boy off. "See what I mean?"

Izumi
looked up at the screech of rage that emanated from Ed's room. She
shrugged. Someone had probably insulted someone else. No real
surprise there. Though, if they continued to carry on like that for
more than an hour, she'd have to give both of the boys some of her
Special Punishment.

"Urusei!"
Ed couldn't help but laugh at himself for still flying off the handle
like that, as he turned the sudden onslaught into a playful wrestling
match.

Havoc
found himself pinned underneath the alchemist. He grinned up at the
young man. "Truce, then?"

"Maybe..."
Ed grinned. "What's in it for me?"

Havoc
yoinked Ed's braid. "Me not calling you names. Does that count?"

Ed
winced. "Oi! Don't DO that!" He grinned playfully down at
Havoc. "What else?"

The older
man pondered for a minute. Hitting inspiration, he tugged Ed's head
down, kissing him lightly. "That?"

"Hmm..."
Ed pondered for a moment, licking his lips. "Will there be more
of 'that'?"

"What's
in it for me?" Havoc parroted.

"You
scratch my back I'll scratch yours..." Ed leaned down and kissed
Havoc again.

"Glad
to see we're in agreement."

"Funny...I
swear you've said that before in a similar situation..." Ed
shoved the thought aside and instead proceeded to lay plaintive nips
along Havoc's jaw and down his neck to his collarbone.

"So?"
Havoc tugged the boy's head up, engaging him in a fierce kiss.

"Nn..."
Ed willingly submitted, hands already moving to unbutton the rest of
Havoc's shirt.

Havoc
purred as cool air touched bare skin. He tugged the tie out of Ed's
hair. "Having fun?"

Ed nipped
at Havoc's lower lip, shaking his head a bit to loosen his hair from
its braided confines to let it spill over his shoulders.

He moved
down, lips trailing first the vein in Havoc's neck, then his sternum,
then down the middle of his chest and abdomen, leaving light nips and
licks as he savored the salty taste of skin.

"You're
too addictive, you know that..."

"M'mm..."
He arched a bit, enjoying the sensations. His hands twined through
silky blond hair.

"Nn...maybe
it's because...-" Ed swirled his tongue around Havoc's navel and
then dipped in. "-you smoke so much...-" He easily
unfastened Havoc's pants, tugging down lightly as he licked along an
exposed hipbone. "-that you've started to perspire
nicotine...heh..." One violet and one gold eye looked up from
where he was at Jean's face. "That's how addictive you are to
me..."

"Nyrgggh..."
Havoc suddenly remembered something. Wrenching himself over onto his
stomach, he reached down to his suit jacket, fumbling through the
pocket. He pulled out a pistol and shoulder holster, tossing them up
onto the bedside table.

Nearly
forgot... His brain fuzzed out again.

Ed leaned
back a bit, still tugging at Havoc's pants. "Neh...turn back
over...and help me with these damn things...!"

Havoc
peered over his shoulder, smiling cattishly. "Why should I? This
is quite comfortable..."

"Your
loss if you don't..." Ed managed to wrench Havoc's pants down
despite the fact that the man wouldn't even make it easier. "I've
got no problem with not repaying the favor..."

Havoc
rolled back over, his eyebrows lifted. "Rather determined
tonight, aren't you?" He supported himself on one elbow,
circling the other around the young man's neck and pulling him down
for a kiss.

"Nnn..."
Ed pulled back, hands sliding down Havoc's body, past his hips,
taking the cloth with them. "Maybe.."

"Ah..."
Havoc arched at the quick, gentle touches. "M'mm... yes..."

His brain
had completely fritzed out at that point, the leonine half content to
just bask in the sensations.

Edward
moved to position himself between Havoc's legs, hands skirting his
sides and moving to settle at the small of his back.

At first
the licks were tentative, feather light against taut, heated skin.
Soon, however, lips joined tongue, and not long after, Ed gave a
vivid presentation as to just how addictive Havoc was.

Havoc
fell back bonelessly, pure pleasure sparking up his nerves. Breath
came in long, shallow gasps.

Lithe
fingers ghosted over whatever he could touch of Ed.

Ed went
slowly at first, sucking gently at the tip and then moving down,
lightly grazing his teeth against Havoc’s skin and moaning, his
own desire rising with each tiny sound that he coaxed from the man
beneath him. His left hand moved to caress the base, and he chuckled
lightly when Havoc jerked his hips, forcing him to swallow further,
and he did, quickening his pace.

He pulled
up a bit, teasing the tip with his tongue before taking in the full
length again, automail hand moving to hold down Havoc’s hip to
keep him from him from making choking thrusts. Blonde hair clung
damply to Ed’s forehead and the back of his neck, and he
started to slow again to a torturous pace, keeping Havoc on the edge.

Havoc
gritted his teeth, body demanding satisfaction. But he wouldn't beg
for it.

One
strong hand knotted into a sheet, the other twining through the young
man's cornsilk hair, brushing the strands away from his hip. The cold
automail holding him down only increased the sense of pleasurable
agony.

He bit
his lower lip until it bled, trying to hold back a small, pathetic
moan.

Ed's
movements slowed to an idle, lazy crawl, before he lifted his head
completely, eyes focused on Havoc as his tongue trailed behind, a
thin band of saliva trailing even after, and then snapping as he
licked his lips.

His right
hand moved, as he shifted his position, sliding up next to Havoc to
claim a salty kiss, left hand still idly stroking.

Havoc's
breathing stopped altogether, his entire body tensing. So close...

A soft
moan purred out of his throat.

Edward
nuzzled his face into the crook of Havoc's neck, grinning. "Not
yet..." he purred against him, strokes lighter and lighter as he
purposefully coaxed Havoc away from the edge, so he'd last long
enough in what would follow. "This was my torture in the first
place...think you're ready to take me now?" The boy grinned,
eyes glittering.

"Goddamn...
little... gopher..." Havoc growled out, frustrated. "What...
nnggh... do you think!"

"I
think that I want you lasting long enough to get me off..." Ed
idly ran his fingertips up and down hard, wet skin.

Havoc
knocked his hand away. "Then get off and strip down, boy."

Typically,
Ed would've made a spectacle of stripping, but the suddenly very
intense throbbing in his groin made him prefer the short and sweet
method. Off as fast as possible, back into Jean's arms, get fucked
senseless. Not like he wasn't bordering on senseless already.

"In
a bit of a rush?" Havoc said teasingly, positioning Ed just
right. He ran a calloused fingertip down the young man's spine. "...
can't think why you would be..."

He
pressed in, slowly at first, waiting to see Ed's reaction.

Yes. Yes
it had most definitely been a while...perhaps a bit too long, Ed
mused, biting his lip to the point of drawing blood at the pain, body
instantly tensing against intrusion despite his will to the contrary.
Automail and human hands alike gripped the sheets tightly until his
knuckles were white, but he gradually adjusted and relaxed, breathing
a bit more evenly.

"I'm
not hurting you, am I?" Havoc said, voice a low, pleasant
murmur. It was so tight, so warm, and god he wanted to just throw his
head back and howl.

Instead,
he contented himself with beginning to slowly move back.

"Hhhhnggh...I'll
be fine just fuck me already!" Ed hissed over his shoulder,
breath slightly ragged.

"Your
wish, my command," Havoc said cheerfully.

He moved
back in. Hard. And kept at it, moving with a swift and brutal rhythm.

"Nnnnnhhgod!"
Ed clenched the sheets tighter, back arching against Havoc's thrusts
automatically. Whimpered moans and gasps escaped from his throat each
time Havoc thrust just right and hit that spot, white flashing before
his eyes as he clenched his eyes shut, fighting hard not to scream at
the near constant jolts of white fire that shot up his spine and
through his stomach, only fueling the ache and throb in his groin.

Havoc
growled low in his throat, instincts taking over. He could feel
perspiration sheening over his shoulders and chest, feel the writhing
boy beneath him... but it wasn't enough. He wanted to hear the boy
cry out again.

He
continued, just that much harsher than before.

"Hhh...h...hh-hurts..!"
Ed choked out, some primitive portion of his brain still functioning
in FEARIZUMI!mode as he fought to keep quiet, squeaks and gasped
moans surpassing his efforts. Finally he gave up on trying to hold
them in, burying his face in the sheets to muffle the hoarse cries.

Havoc
slowed, realizing his cruelty. He paused only briefly to bestow a
light kiss on the back of the boy's neck and whisper, "Sorry..."

He picked
up again, though gentler than before.

Edward
turned his head to the side, whispering a slightly garbled response,
before that was cut off by a short wave of little pleasure noises as
he arched his back again, pressing back harder against Jean, the
pressure eliciting a rather loud moan. Louder than he'd meant to be,
but by now his Izumimode was starting to give up on its fight for
acknowledgement and implimentation.

"Nnnngh...please...Jean...nnhahh...mooorrrre..."

Havoc
willingly complied, moving fractionally harder and faster, His right
hand slid down and over a few inches, 'just happening' to brush by
the tip.

A
pleading moan escaped Ed's throat at that brushing touch, along with
a barely choked out whispering breath that carried the word 'yes...'
as his body jerked at the sensation.

So
close...oh god...not yet...don't make it end yet...

He could
feel the heat coursing through his veins, heart pounding in his ears,
warmth he only felt in the arms of two men...the only warmth he
felt...Edward didn't want it to be over again so soon, but he knew
that the peak was near and there was no stopping it.

His lip
was caught between sharp teeth, even as his own breath came hard and
fast. As hard as it was, Havoc had to let Ed come first.

Ed came
first, Ed always came first, it was just the way the world worked...
damn enjoyable though...

His hand
kept stroking the young man, driving him closer to the edge.

The
combination of stroke and thrust finally threw Ed off the edge. He
buried his face in the sheets to drown out the majority of the sounds
that completely involuntarily offered themselves up, not even waiting
for him to answer before scurrying on out in a frantic, drawn out
wave muffled into the sheet as white flashes exploded behind his
eyelids and waves of pleasure washed over him, entire body going
rigid as he found his release.

For those
few moments, Edward soared.

Havoc
collapsed gracelessly onto the bed, pleasure still singing through
him. After a few minutes of a coma-like state, he yawned contentedly,
pleasurably sleepy.

He
somehow managed to worm his way bonelessly under the coverlet.
Curling up in the manner of a kitten, he yawned again.

Ed
whimpered slightly as Jean pulled away, muscles moving his body close
and wrapping his arms around Jean's waist purely out of the need for
physical contact and warmth. He didn't feel like he would've been
able to move at all otherwise, exhausted and feeling as if every bone
in his body had just decided to melt.

"M'mm..
get your sleep, kiddo. We're waking up early tomorrow morning..."
He yawned again, stretching almost painfully, several bones in his
body popping and cracking. After that was done, he curled up,
snugging the young man close.

"Nnn...'s
cold..." Ed pulled up the covers, curling into more of a ball
against Havoc.

"Nn...ne...Jean...?"

Havoc
fought off drowsiness. His eyelids felt too heavy. "M'hm?"

Ed's
voice was barely above a whisper, the last thing even he registered
before drifting off into slumber.

"I
love you..."

Havoc
laid his head down, pulling the boy closer. "I know..."

Please
review, constructive criticism and questions appreciated, flames will
be deflected back at you by Roy. n.n;
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Unsettling Affairs