For Her. For Him.

A/N: To my reviewers: Nomme de Plume, I'd hoped the graveyard scene would be appropriate. After such a defining moment in their relationship, I couldn't have Roy forget about Riza. I'm keeping Dante as she was in the canon, so the answer to that is yes and no. milky, I won't lie that the sex scenes are why I'm writing on this to raise my own comfort level with writing them, so genuinely if you (or any reviewer) sees that I'm doing something wrong or awkward with them, let me know, please. TrulyWished, trying to keep the pace going, and yes, the canon is returning. Kasarin-Mustang, I hope you don't mind that I am kind of distorting the episodes rather than going with something entirely off the wall and original. That has yet to come, just because Ed's pregnancy has affected other things that play a factor in the end of the show. 4thcry, thank you so much. I'm glad you think I've made a pregnant Ed a beautiful thing. kikiko, see what happens when you dont' check often? I try to update nearly daily. It makes chapters short, but always something new. Also, thanks for saying it's still believable. I've worked very hard at that.

Oh, yeah, and remember, more reviews, faster updates.

And, I will warn you that this chapter goes beyond angst. Sorry folks.

Chapter 25

Revulsion

Ed was pacing the floor, waiting for Roy to get home. He was later than usual, and with the knowledge that someone was after Al, the young alchemist worried that this Greed might have decided to use Roy to his advantage to get Ed to talk.

When the door finally opened and Roy entered, Ed nearly hugged him, but opted for berating the older man for being so late. “What took you so long? I was getting worried.”

“I had to stop off at the cemetery, if that’s all right with you.” Roy’s tone told Ed that he wasn’t angry, but the older alchemist seemed to realize that Ed was genuinely concerned. “What is it?”

“There’s a homunculus named Greed after Al,” Ed said walking into the kitchen, Roy following close behind. “Teacher called. She said Greed had something to do with that Devil’s Nest that the asshole Archer attacked. I don’t know if Al knows. I don’t know if he’s safe, and then you were late from work. You had me worried that Greed had gotten to you too.”

“First of all, I’m here, and I’m fine. Second of all, we don’t know he’s gotten Al at all.”

“Don’t belittle me for being worried. He’s my little brother, and so far, I haven’t met a homunculus that under the right conditions wouldn’t kill.” Ed was angry at the man for pretending everything was okay, for being late, for being him. “You’ve never really had to go up against them. You don’t understand. You don’t get it. He could destroy my brother. Who knows what kind of powers this guy has. There’s one who can extend her fingers into sharp knives, another who can eat anything, another with my arm and leg who can do alchemy, and one who can shape shift.” Ed’s voice was rising and he couldn’t stop it, not that he wanted to. “My brother’s in danger, and you were late getting home. You should have let me know you were going to be stopping somewhere.”

“Ed, what was I supposed to do? Tell you that I was going to the cemetery to visit Riza and Maes’s graves? Gotten you upset?”

Angry tears began to flow down Ed’s face. “Well you did one hell of a job not getting me upset, Colonel Bastard!”

“How is this my fault? I can’t help it if there is some strange new homunculus out there.”

“You’re a friggin’ colonel, shouldn’t you be able to do something?” At that, Ed stormed into the study. “And stay the hell out of here.”

********

Roy hadn’t seen the face of Ed’s outraged hormones often. Usually the little bouts of anger had manifested themselves in nearly the same way Ed’s temper always had. For a moment, fleeting as it was, the colonel considered following his young lover into the study. Instead, Roy moved to the kitchen, removing his uniform coat and hanging it over a chair, his head still reeling at the teen’s anger. He pulled some things out of the cupboard, preparing to make a quick dinner, not sure that Ed would even want to eat with him tonight, or look at him for that matter.

He began to cook, checking the clock, knowing that Fuery was working tonight and would be back at his desk in less than a half-hour. The guy hardly ever took a long dinner, and always did it at the military specified times. Until Fuery was back at his desk, the colonel couldn't call, so Roy began to cook, it was nothing fancy, but it was edible and bland enough that Ed couldn’t complain too much about him using this or that spice, telling him he should have known better since they always made him sick--not true, but if a certain herb or flavor set him off once, he told you it always did, particularly on days when he was behaving like this.

After about fifteen minutes, the food was nearly done, so Roy turned down the burners to a low simmer while he turned to the telephone and dialed up central, asking for Fuery.

“Hello, Colonel.”

“Fuery, I need your help. I need you to get a hold of Major Armstrong as best you can. Find his last location and tell him to have Al call Ed. He’s getting worried about him. And tell Armstrong I’m going to need to talk to him.”

“Of course. Colonel, is everything okay?”

“It’s just been a long day.”

Roy hung up the phone and put the chicken dish on the plates on the table, looking up when he heard a sniffing sound at the door to the study. He put the pan back on the stove and embraced the small frame of the blond alchemist as he sobbed into Roy’s white shirt.

“I didn’t mean it,” Ed said, crying. “I wasn’t really angry. I just feel like I’m on a damned rollercoaster. I never know if I’m angry or sad or hurt.” The blond head tucked itself beneath Roy’s chin while mismatched arms wrapped around his neck. “I’m worried about Al. We’re not usually apart this long.” He sobbed.

“Are you still angry with me, Ed?” Roy rested his cheek against the golden hair as the head shook. “I understand you’re worried about your brother.”

“And Fuery’s going to try to find him?”

“And I’ll find out what I can about Greed, even if it means going to the new asshole colonel myself.”

********

The night had ended with the two of them listening to the radio, Ed propped up on the couch with Roy behind him. Despite the intensity of their morning together, they were merely sitting, hands clasped around one another, talking, and really, it was reassuring that the colonel didn’t expect an immediate follow-up. Ed’s body was more than willing, but he wasn’t sure he really had gotten a handle on himself emotionally.

“Yeah, teacher really just dropped us off of the island.”

“Two boys dropped on an island to fend for themselves?”

“We thought so, but not really. Apparently, Teacher had someone watching us all along. Not that they were much use. I still got bit by a fox on my arm.” Ed could feel Roy move, knowing almost instinctively what the man was doing. “Other arm.”

“Oh.” The colonel released Ed’s right hand and rubbed the arm sympathetically, despite the fact that the only sense of feeling he got was knowing there was a presence and weight there. Roy then wrapped his arms around Ed’s shoulders.

“Shouldn’t Fuery have called by now?” Ed asked, moving his left hand up to rub the older man's arms.

“It could take a while for a message to be sent and reach and returned, Edward.” Ed didn’t exactly like that answer, but accepted it because he knew it was the truth. It could be a day before Al and Armstrong actually got back to them. He leaned his head down and placed his lips to the arms below him, the fine dusting of black hair tickling his nose.

“The next time you go to the cemetery to visit Riza and Maes, I want to go too, even if it means I have to wear the maternity outfit again.” He heaved a sigh as he allowed himself to melt into the man’s arms.

They hadn’t been like that for long before the telephone began to ring. Ed leaned forward, allowing Roy to jump up from the sofa and run to the kitchen phone. It took maneuvering on Ed’s part to follow, but he finally managed it, though wished that the radio was not playing at the moment, so he could hear the conversation better.
“He should be glad to hear it… Thank you, Fuery.” Ed looked at his commanding officer expectantly. “Fuery said that the Eastern office just heard from Armstrong two hours ago, with a pretty optimistic report. Nothing suspicious. They will pass on our message when he calls tomorrow.”

“I’d still rather talk to Al.” Ed planned to trust the colonel to find out some information, rather than risking the suggestion his teacher had made that someone investigate Dante’s home.

“I know.” Ed couldn’t help but see on Roy’s face an expression that he was hiding something.

“Roy?” Ed walked over and slipped his fingers in the larger hands at the man’s sides. “What is it? Something other than this is bothering you.”

“Ed, I--” That rich baritone, nearly bass voice cracked. “I went to Riza’s grave today to make my peace with being with you so soon after her death.”

As much sympathy as he felt for the man, and understood the pain of such an act, but he also knew that for Roy to have done this, he must really care for him. That thought made him nearly jump for joy. Then he saw the lost look in those black eyes. “That isn’t all of it, though, is it?”

“In the process, I realized I have to stop hiding my past from you.” Roy pulled his hands away and stood, head bowed. “I shouldn’t do this. You’re emotional enough as it is.”

“Hell no, you aren’t stopping with that. What is it, Roy?” Ed stepped closer, placing himself under the man’s face, looking up. “Talk. Now.”

“During the war in Ishbal… the massacre, I killed many people, took out whole city blocks. All of us did.” He backed away.

“Roy, you told me that.” Ed tried to step closer, holding a hand out to put on Roy’s shoulder.

“No, not all. I not only massacred those people. I served as the military’s executioner. It was that role that made me put a gun to my head and nearly pull the trigger.” Roy backed himself against a wall. “On orders from Basque Gran, I killed two doctors who had been treating the injured, both Ishballan and members of the military.”

Ed’s hand pulled back to his side as though some outside force had brought it there. “You killed the Rockbells?”

“Yes,” said a voice so small it hardly sounded like it came from the colonel Ed knew. “I killed your friend’s parents. It’s my fault she was orphaned.” Ed could only watch as Roy slid down the wall. “It’s my fault.”
Ed wanted to get angry, but he knew too well about military orders and what consequences there could be for disobeying them. Though Roy had been about three years older than Ed himself was, he had less military experience. The idea that he cared for this man, the person who killed his closest friend’s parents made him ill, but it didn’t stop the fact that he did care for him.

“Just say something. Please Edward.”

“Why did you wait so long to tell me?”

That hadn’t been what the man expected, and it was obvious as those usually languid-looking eyes grew wide and showed shock. “Why?” Those dark eyes scanned Ed’s face. “You aren’t repulsed?”

“I don’t know what I am. Let’s just go for a simple question first. Why so long?”

“I thought you would hate me.” Roy audibly swallowed. “I was afraid what your reaction might be. With the babies…”

“You thought I wouldn’t go through with the pregnancy if I knew?” Any attempts he had managed at maintaining his anger with rationalizations and understanding were fading quickly. “You must think I am one hell of a monster, you bastard.” No, the man on the floor didn’t even deserve the playful title of Colonel Bastard. He didn't even deserve for Ed to yell at him. Much as Ed tried to yell, he just found himself talking at a cold angry level. “You thought I would kill babies that are part mine and part Riza’s because they carried your blood? You thought I would be so revolted by you I would be capable of destroying something that is partly mine?” Ed wrapped his hands around his stomach. “What the hell kind of parent do you think I'd be? Destroy them to spite you?”

“Edward, please…” Roy tried to reach out for him, landing himself on his hands and knees.
Ed backed away as quickly as he could. “Keep your hands off of me. Just stay the hell away from me, you son of a bitch. Stay away.”

Ed moved as quickly as he was capable up the stairs and to his room, where he alchemically sealed the door. Grabbing a pile of clothes, he knew he couldn’t rely on that man, he wouldn’t. Not if he thought Ed, after all the determination he’d shown, could possibly be capable of letting those babies be destroyed. After all the times he’d told him that he wanted to carry those babies for her, why did Roy think he would have made so much of a difference?

Ed piled the clothing on the floor and clapped his hands, bringing them to the heap, and let tendrils of fabric engulf him for just a moment. He couldn’t rely on this man for information, so he was going to have to go out and get it himself.

********

Roy sat downstairs, not even pouring the previously unopened bottle of scotch into a glass, merely chugging it down. It had been months since he’d touched the stuff, but he wondered how much of this it would actually take to finally get him drunk. How long it would be before he could just forget? Forget the murders he committed as a military officer, forget the faces of those two doctors or their daughter he’d gotten the chance to watch grow up even when they hadn’t, forget the hurt he’d just put into the eyes of the person he loved?