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The Road to Kindness	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7935 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Road to Kindness

Chapter 7

Part 22

At
least last time Duo had been so drugged up he didn�t really remember the
surgeries, the longhaired boy thought bitterly, as the nurse and Heero helped
him sit on the table. Besides that little fact, Duo felt exactly like he had
the last time he had been in this miserable place. He immediately didn�t
recognize the room, which was a plus. Of course the last time he had had
surgery, it had been a pretty serious thing, so he shouldn�t be as scared as he
had been then, wondering if he was going to die, right as he finally found
Heero again, but also terrified of the intense pain in his side. That pain,
probably more than the drugs they had given him at the time, was what had wiped
his memory. Everything had been so foggy and gray, but intense. He had almost
been screaming when they had taken him away from Heero to try to stop the
internal bleeding and after that� the pain had gotten so bad, he couldn�t
remember any details, just that feeling that there was no way a human being
could survive that much agony.

�� This time was different. His shoulder was searing, but the
pain was bearable, just not welcome. The bleeding was finally starting to slow,
the only real thing of discomfort being that the bullet was still inside of him,
Wes�s bullet. It was different than last time; he knew that, so why was it so
hard for him to not get lost in the past, to think that he had never left the
hospital in the first place. What Ms. Schbeiker had said was right, it seemed
like he was always getting hurt. He had gotten used to it actually, though his
weakness was more painful to him than his actual injuries and he hated himself
for it, for his incapability to not lean on Heero and his other friends. He
used to be able to handle things like this. How many times had Wes struck him,
whipped him, beat him into a quivering mass of bruises and blood, how many
times had he done things to him that were so sick and cruel that Duo shuddered
just to remember them? So why was his struggling with this,
with the knowledge that Wes had shot him? Why did his heart hurt at a
betrayal that wasn�t even really a betrayal, but just more of Wes�s disturbing
mind games?

�� He had gotten used to Wes�s abuse. It had become something
comfortably familiar to him, even if he did hate it. Beatings, rapes,
humiliation� it had become as normal to him as breakfast in the morning was to
people like Heero and Quatre. He had come to expect it, to the point where
Chris�s kidnapping and Wes�s stalking wasn�t as shocking as it was to Heero.
No, what was throwing him for a loop, was the injuries
his friends had gotten, all because of him. He could take the pain and wounds
on himself, but how could he ever accept them on the people he loved? The very
people he was trying to protect� but he had failed them. He couldn�t separate
them from his old life, no matter how much he tried. It was all
his fault� but they didn�t blame him. He couldn�t even fathom that. All
logic said that he was a bad person and he should be punished. Wes had punished
him for much less, and this was something that Duo understood as truly wrong,
so why weren�t they angry at him? Why did they still care for him after he had
done?

�� Duo glanced over at Heero, who was still standing by his
side, waiting for the doctor to come so they could get the messy bit finished.
He couldn�t cope with it. Heero had suffered so much for him, but he was here,
not scolding or yelling or hitting, just here, ready to give comfort where Duo
didn�t deserve. What had he done to gain this boy�s unwavering devotion? He was
scum, pure and simple, but Heero didn�t seem to think that. He had thought that
Heero would hate him for Boston
because until Heero, everyone he had known in his life, maybe with the
exception of Shi and Solo and the others, would have
hated him for it. They would have condemned him, left him there to die, but
here Heero was. He had told Wes that he would protect Duo, no matter what, and
in that moment, there had been no hatred in Heero�s eyes for Duo, only an
incredible resolution backing up his words. It made Duo want to go back over
the last few weeks and try to find the evidence of Heero�s anger with him that,
until now, he had been so sure of.

�� He had pushed Heero away, thinking that he hated him, that
Heero believed that Duo had let him down, just like Duo had believed, and he
was too much of a coward to face that anger, that disgust. Heero had seen him
being raped. Maybe he had told Heero about his past, but that was nothing
compared to actually seeing the slut that Duo had once been; maybe the slut
that he still was, deep down inside. How could he ever face Heero, knowing he
had seen that moment, feeling as ashamed as he was? He never wanted his best
friend to see that ugliness in him. But Heero wasn�t running away. He had
begged for his solid, protective guidance and Heero had given it to him without
hesitation. Was the broken relationship that Duo had seen really there, or had
he created it because it was easier to understand Heero hating him, than caring
for him so much, that even something as terrible as that couldn�t push him
away?

�� Maybe Wufei really was right after all and it was easier
for him to see the bad things in people, because that was what he had always
known, than to accept, even for a second, that the people in his life truly
loved him and wanted to help him. Maybe he was pushing Heero away out of
terror, not of him hating him, but of loving him. Love� he could understand
pain and hate and perversion� but when had he ever understood love? You had to
witness such a thing to understand it. Maybe it had come too late in his life
for him to welcome it. Maybe it was too late for him to open his heart to
anything but coldness. He hated that part of him. It was the same part that,
when Wes had come after him, had been screaming at him to go back to Wes,
because Wes claimed to love him, but it wasn�t the love that Heero and Name
were offering to him, which was petrifying and strange, like an alien creature
in his midst. Wes�s love was twisted and wrong; it made Duo�s heart feel like
something was eating away at it, while Heero�s made him feel things that he had
never known existed, at least not for him.

�� He had always thought that he was above such things, love
and affection, that they were made for better people than him. He had lived his
entire life, longing for love, but never dreaming of it, because he had
accepted it as a lie. Now, he was finding out that his lie was a lie. He had been lying to himself to make himself feel
better. It was easier to believe you can never have something that is hard to
achieve, than to live wondering why you�ve never been able to see it. If love didn�t exist for him, that was fine, but the thought that
he had simply been denied it, when it had been possible all along, ripped his
heart to shreds. He didn�t dare reach for it, because now, he was
terrified that his initial beliefs had been right. He was finally experiencing
affection�s warm glow, but it was blinding him and he was struggling with the
decision to wait for his eyes to adjust or slither back to the comforting
darkness once again.

�� But that idea wasn�t really accurate was it? Even if he
returned to the dark, he would always remember the light. He would remember how
warm it had been, how it had cradled him and loved him and how the darkness
could never possibly compare. It would haunt him until his death, his love for
Heero, and his love for Name. Even if he returned to Wes, he would never forget
how they had made him feel, and he would never stop yearning for them. Hadn�t
he told Name once that he hadn�t dared to dream because he had understood that,
if he did, even for a second, it would destroy him? How could he go back to
that hated world, unable to stop dreaming? It would drive him insane.

�� He couldn�t go back. He could never go back to what he was,
what Wes had made him. Those things were still inside of him, they always would
be, but what Name had made him was there, too. His nightmares were intermingled
with the desires Heero�s mother had instilled in him. Even if he went back to
Wes, he could never survive that life again. And now he was stuck in between
fear and desire, between light and darkness. He wasn�t even sure what he wanted
anymore. He didn�t want to die, but he was terrified of the future. The only
desire that was even tangible to him was his desire to protect his family, from
himself if he had to. His fingers reached for the black bruise on Heero�s neck,
caused by his ex-guardian.

�� Heero,� he whispered, his voice filled with sorrow and
guilt, �I�m so sorry.�

�� For so many things,� he thought to himself, �For getting
you hurt again and again, for being unable to protect you, for being so damn
weak I have to drag you into this place, which only brings up terrible memories
for you.�

�� To Duo�s surprise, Heero gave him a small, but honest
smile, and wrapped his hands around Duo�s fingers, keeping him from touching
the bruise.

�� It�s alright, Duo,� he said warmly, �There�s nothing for
you to apologize for. I�m scared too, but Dr. Stark will fix you up and we�ll
go home, ok?�

�� Duo�s violet eyes were wide with Heero�s promises and he
suddenly realized how much he had missed that warm tone. In that moment he
almost cried, but he denied himself that relief. Heero had forgiven him, again.
How had he ever thought that Heero was capable of hating him? Heero was so
kind, so perfect� he would never have that ugliness inside of him. Even back
then, when Heero had thought that Duo had betrayed him, he had gone looking for
him. He had saved him. It was exactly like that now. As long as Heero was here,
holding his hand, he could survive anything, even Wes�

�� The moment was shattered by Stark finally showing up,
accompanied by another nurse. He looked at Heero and Duo in annoyance, which
immediately set Heero on edge, Duo being too tired to deal with the doctor.

�� This is beginning to be a habit with you, Mr. Yuy,� Stark
sniped, irritated with Heero�s constant bending of the rules.

�� Just get the damn bullet out of him already,� Heero
snapped back.

�� Heero wasn�t entirely sure why, but he really didn�t like
Duo�s doctor. Maybe it was the snide way he looked at him, or his pompous
attitude, but the man made Heero�s hair stand on end. But no matter how he
felt, Stark was a great doctor; he had saved Duo�s life during a time when it
had seemed like his best friend would surely die, so how could he hate him?
Stark made a small noise, but didn�t say anything further. The doctor examined
the tools on the tray near the table Duo was sitting on and when he found them
satisfactory, he turned to Duo with a scanner in hand. Without a word, he
examined Duo�s bullet wound, making more small noises. Heero was immediately
annoyed by the man. The doctor that had treated Duo for his eye problem had
instinctively understood Duo�s fears and had explained everything before hand.
Either Stark was oblivious to how scared Duo was right now, and with his
shaking Heero didn�t see how he could not notice it, or the doctor plain didn�t
care. He was plain getting fed up with the hospital. The only sympathetic
person they had met here was Wufei�s mother.

�� What are you going to do?� the Japanese teen demanded.

�� Stark gave him another annoyed look.

�� His bullet wound looks clean enough that major surgery
won�t be necessary. I�m going to scan his shoulder to find the exact location
of the bullet. We�ll be giving him a local anesthetic, get
the bullet out without any cutting, though it will depend on where the
bullet is, and prep him for a transfusion. With his blood type, we�re well
prepared for it. Considering how much blood he�s lost, he�ll probably have to
stay overnight, at least. His condition has been made worse by his anemia, so
it all depends on how stable he is after the transfusion.� Stark explained.

�� He moved the scanner over Duo�s shoulder and this time, the
noise he made was more positive.

�� Good,� he remarked, �The bullet is in direct alignment
with the entry wound and it hasn�t hit any major areas. It�s stuck in his
shoulder bone, but because it�s aligned perfectly, I won�t have to cut, just
pull it out.�

�� Heero sighed in relief. It would probably still be
unpleasant for Duo, but at least he wouldn�t have to deal with another surgery.
Stark picked up a needle from the tray and approached Duo with it. Immediately,
Duo flinched and instinctively scooted back a little, trying to get away from
the needle.

�� Please not that. Cut me, stab me, burn me, anything but
that�� he thought in insane fear.

�� If he won�t stay still, I�m going to have to strap him
down or give him a sedative,� Stark warned Heero, �I can�t have him moving
during this.�

�� He�s fine,� Heero growled at Duo.

�� Heero hadn�t let go of Duo�s hand and he gave it a small
squeeze, gaining Duo�s attention. He didn�t like how pale his friend was and
instantly remembered how Chris had injected Duo, understanding Duo�s fear of
needles and drugs. This needle was to lessen Duo�s pain, to make the procedure
more bearable, but that did nothing to lessen Duo�s fear. That fear went up
even further when Stark used a scalpel to cut away the shoulder of Duo�s now
tattered t-shirt.

�� Don�t look,� he soothed.

�� If Duo had to watch the needle go in, Heero was sure it
would cause him to have a panic attack. He placed his other hand on the side of
Duo�s face, moving his head to rest on his shoulder so he wasn�t looking at the
doctor at all. Duo let him, trusting Heero to know what to do. Duo let his eyes
drift closed, pressing against Heero�s warmth, heavily contrasted by the cold
of the table. Stark gave them a strange look, but didn�t say anything about the
contact. He quickly sterilized a patch of skin near the entry wound and slipped
the needle into the area. Duo winced as he felt it go in and squeezed his eyes
shut. He similarly squeezed Heero�s hand, hard enough for the taller boy to
feel his knuckles grind together, but Heero didn�t care.

�� It was terrible, but Heero was deliriously happy. Duo was
in pain and terrified, and he was happy. He hated himself for it, but he was.
Duo was talking to him. For the first time in weeks, Duo was touching him and
hadn�t once flinched from him since they had entered the hospital. He was
actually seeking him out, leaning on him, and right now it was like things had
always been. It felt like his heart was going to explode with sheer joy, and
sheer sorrow, because he knew that as soon as Duo stopped being scared, he
would push him away again, and why shouldn�t he? He
had let Duo get shot, electrocuted, and harassed by a man that Heero had
promised him he would never see again. That promise had been so stupid, Heero
understood now that Wes was not going away so easily. But the second he had
seen the bastard, had gotten his very first look at the monster of Duo�s
childhood and teenaged years, he had felt this incredible surge of rage and
protectiveness. Listening to Duo speak about his abuser, he had promised
himself that if the two of them had ever met, he would kill Wes. He didn�t care
what happened to him afterwards, Wes was going to die.

�� And he had let him get away. He had looked at him and had
thrown thoughts of danger to the wind, attacking the man like a rabid wolf. He
had the bruises to prove it. It had been three against one, once Wufei had
gotten back to his feet, but Wes had gotten off without a scratch. It was�
unforeseeable. He had put so much importance on his own strength; he had never
imagined that Wes would be able to overpower them so easily. He had felt like
an insect trying to sting a bear. He tried to imagine Duo, at a mere seven
years old, being raped and abused by the man, pinned under his muscled body,
and felt like throwing up. It had been bad enough before, but now that he had
seen the man, that image was complete and haunting. Duo had been so helpless�
how could the violet eyed boy possibly blame himself for his rape and
enslavement when Heero, Trowa, and Wufei hadn�t been able to bring the man
down? He just felt so useless� all he could do was hold Duo�s hand and hope
that it was enough, but he didn�t feel that it was. He wanted to kill Wes and
Chris, but he was faced with failure at each turn. He was unable to avenge Duo,
let alone protect him. How could he have ever believed that he had any power?

�� Wes, Chris, and his mother had power. They had proven that
to him, but he was just a kid. Even with his family�s name and money, he was
nothing. No, he was Duo�s best friend and that title carried with it a huge
responsibility. He had meant what he had said to Wes, even if he was powerless;
he would protect Duo, no matter what. Seeing Duo getting shot hadn�t destroyed
that urge, that resolve, and that was a victory, wasn�t it? Wes had meant to
ruin Heero�s desire to protect Duo, faced with his own failure, but he would
never stop protecting Duo. Even now, there was nothing he could do to take away
Duo�s fear and pain, but he wouldn�t abandon him. He would rather Wes kill him
than ever abandon Duo.

�� Stark injected the anesthetic into Duo�s shoulder and
deposited the needle into the used bag. The drug was quick acting, making Duo�s
shoulder go numb, but Duo still clutched at Heero�s shirt when Stark used what
looked like a pair of tweezers to probe into his shoulder wound. Why had Wes
done this? Duo couldn�t stop thinking about that. Maybe he could understand
Wes�s tenacity in trying to get him back. He was pretty damn sure that the man
had never been in love before, or at least, what Wes saw as love. He still
wasn�t entirely convinced of that love.

�� With Heero holding his hand and letting him cling on to him
like this; it was hard seeing Wes�s love as any kind of comparison. The man had
stalked him, had claimed that he loved him, but then� then he had shot him, for
no reason other than to attack Heero. He hadn�t punished him, he had used him.
Why... why did that make him feel betrayed? Why did it hurt so much, to see
that smile on Wes�s face and how easily he had fired that shot? He should be
used to such abuse, but that was just it. He was used to Wes hurting him
because he was pissed off or Duo needed to be punished, but he had done this
for the sheer joy of it. He had seen Heero�s concern for him and had attacked
them for it. Wes had shot him because it was fun and he knew it would mess with
them.

�� It was those games that Duo had never really gotten used
to. Wes punishing him was easily understood, he was even able to understand
Wes�s physical abuse because of his temper, but when he hurt him, without any
warning, because it was� it was fun,
he could never understand that. That was the only reason why they had all
survived. Killing people was business to Wes, but this,
letting them know that he had absolute power and control over them and
that he could insert himself into their lives at any moment, was nothing but a
mind game. And a cruel one at that. He could have
easily killed his friends in revenge, but he had let them live, so they could
constantly be in fear of him.

�� Tears started to stream down Duo�s cheeks as the enormity
of the situation hit him. When Name had taken him in, Duo had tried to believe
that he would never see Wes again, that he was finally free of him. Yes, Wes�s
continued existence had scared him back then, but he had felt safe. The Yuy�s
house was a fortress, his job, his school, and his current life could not be
penetrated by his old life. He had truly believed these things. Then Chris had
destroyed everything. Duo had begun to realize that being with his friends was
not enough. In fact, being with them didn�t protect him; it just put them in
danger. But once they had returned to Maine, he had, foolishly, thought that he
was safe again. That the house, Name� they would protect him from Wes. ��

�� He had been wrong this entire time, he had been so wrong.
He wasn�t safe; he had never been safe, which meant that his friends had never
been safe. Wes could come for him whenever he wanted, in the dead of the night,
right into his room. How could he possibly continue living knowing that Wes
still, after all this time and everything that he had lost and suffered, had
such an immense control over him? He didn�t notice Heero looking at him in
alarm as he began to sob, overcome with a feeling of utter helplessness and
frustration. Would he ever be free? He had thought that he was, that he could
continue on without seeing Wes again, that he could exist in the same world
with the man without ever being under his thumb again. But now it was clear,
for as long as they were both alive, Wes would be there. He would never stop
being the man�s slave, not until Wes died.

�� It�s just a side affect of the drug,� Stark assured Heero,
�It doesn�t happen often, but with his anemia-,�

�� No,� Heero interrupted, looking more and more upset as Duo
continued to cry against him, �It isn�t the drugs.�

�� He had been waiting for this to happen. He hadn�t needed
Trowa warning them about the possibility of a panic attack, he had known the
second that Wes had shown up that Duo was heading for one, he
had just hoped that it wouldn�t happen before Duo was patched up. He was
worried, incredibly worried, about what was going on in Duo�s head, what Wes�s
cruel return into his life was going to do with him, but what could he possibly
do to help him when he wasn�t even sure if everything was ok between them?

�� The clang of the bullet dropping into the dish on the tray
was so similar to the time that the sliver of bone had been removed from Duo�s
eye that Heero suddenly flashed to it. It was just another terrible thing that
Wes had done to him, Heero thought. Was there no end to the abuse that the man
was going to put the boy Heero loved through? Duo continued to cling to Heero
as Stark bandaged the bullet wound and set up the transfusion. Duo flinched
again during the procedure, hating the feeling of the I.V. being inserted into
his arm. But the procedure went without any more hysterics and it wasn�t long
before Heero was helping Duo back into the wheelchair and Duo was brought into
a hospital room so he could rest. Throughout all of this, Duo didn�t let go of
Heero�s arm. His grip on him only tightened when he saw the much hated hospital
bed. The only place on the planet that he hated more was Wes�s bed, the place
where his soul had finally shattered. He was struck, like he had been the last
time he had been in this place, by a feeling of exhaustion, that he should just
give in and do what he was told because he couldn�t muster up the strength to
fight.

�� Duo fell into that feeling, letting the nurse dress him in
a hospital gown and settle him into the bed. She hooked up the bag of blood
that was still being pumped into him on the I.V. stand along with other bags
that Duo didn�t recognize and he had to fight against the urge to rip the I.V.
needles out of his arm. He hated them, that feeling of
a needle in his arm that he knew wasn�t coming out any time soon. It was like
an unscratchable itch. Tiredness filled him. He didn�t want to sleep because he
knew he would dream, but once he felt Heero�s hand on his head, soothing him,
his eyes drifted shut and he couldn�t fight it anymore.

�� Heero smiled softly as Duo finally fell asleep, exhausted
emotionally and physically, but inside, Heero was filled with sorrow. Duo was
asleep and taken care of, so his job was done. This wasn�t like before, when
Duo had been in pain and going through withdrawal. He hadn�t asked him to stay
this time. He hadn�t asked him to go either, but how could he possibly guess at
Duo�s emotional state right now? He didn�t understand what Duo was going through,
he couldn�t. He could try, but he would only fail. What if he staid and Duo
hated him for it? But� what if he left and Duo needed him? He was being taken
care of though, and if Duo needed him, he would come back to him. But right
now, he didn�t know what Duo wanted and all he could do was back off and hope
that Duo would reach out again. If he didn�t� he didn�t want to think about
that. He couldn�t go back to before, not after this. He needed their friendship
back. More importantly, this situation had made it abundantly clear to him that
Duo needed him. Even if Duo pushed him away, he needed him, and that was what
mattered, more than Duo�s desire to push him away.

�� He followed Stark out of the hospital room, giving Duo one
last glance as he left him alone under the nurse�s care. That action helped him
to separate the past from the present. He didn�t think he had spent any time
away from Duo the last time they had been here. Duo wasn�t as weak and sick as
last time either, but he felt like splinters of wood were piercing his stomach as
he left that room. He still felt like he was abandoning him.

�� I expect your mother will be here soon,� Stark pointed out
and dryly and, not for the first time, Heero wondered what the doctor�s problem
with his family was.

�� Of course,� he said defensively, �She�s Duo�s guardian.
She has Duo�s insurance card too.�

�� That had been a sweet moment between his mother and Duo,
when she had come home with the documentation she had gotten for him when they
had decided to take him in. He often wondered what sort of money and lies his
mother had had to use to get Duo health insurance, but it sure came in handy.
Hell, just the awed, teary look Duo had given his mother when she had showed
him the insurance card had been worth it. Duo expected so little out of them,
it made Heero want to give him the stars and the moon, just to see that look.
Even if that look was sad, because no one should be so happy over something so
tiny. Stark spun on his heel and marched out and Heero immediately put the man
out of his mind, going back to the waiting room.

�� The second he stepped into the room that had quickly become
a scene of his nightmares, Heero remembered that terrible, wonderful night when
he had finally found Duo, only to discover how sick and injured he was. He had
waited in this room for news that Duo had died, all because of his stupidity
and stubbornness. How could he have ever believed that Duo had betrayed him, that he had wanted to use him and steal from him? That
accusation seemed so silly now, it made him wonder if he had gone temporarily
insane, but Duo made him feel that way, constantly. He had to remind himself
that this time was different; Duo wasn�t going to die, but that sentiment
didn�t make him feel much better. Wufei, Quatre, and Trowa were in the waiting
room, already sitting in the chairs and Trowa was drinking coffee from a
Styrofoam cup. Wufei was looking better than he had, no longer curled around
his stomach. Heero gently touched his own bruised neck, but the pain didn�t
bother him. It had been scary when Wes had hit him and he, temporarily, hadn�t
been able to breathe, but he had been too busy trying to kill Wes at the time
to care.

�� Sitting down in the hard chair next to Trowa, Heero rubbed
tiredly at his eyes. No matter how much he told himself that things were
different than last time, he still felt that the past was repeating,
that he was failing Duo over and over and over�

�� What happened?� Quatre demanded, �Is Duo ok?�

�� Did he need surgery?� Trowa asked in a calmer tone.

�� Heero shook his head.

�� The wound was clean enough that they didn�t need to cut
the bullet out,� Heero explained, his tone turning bitter, �It looks like Wes
is a good shot.�

�� It seemed weird saying that considering that Wes�s target
had been their friend.

�� Well, at least he didn�t use a hollow point,� Wufei said
angrily.

�� Heero shuddered, thinking of the mess a hollow point bullet
would have made of Duo�s shoulder.

�� Or an echo,� Quatre mused, also upset about what could have happened.

�� I highly doubt a thug like Wes could have access to a
sonic bullet,� Wufei mused.

�� But really, what do we know about Wes?� Trowa pointed out,
�For all we know, he could have access to a bomb. Sonic bullets are only used
for military purposes, but they aren�t that hard to get through illegal means.
We know that Wes is comfortable with murder and he�s a drug dealer and pimp,
who knows what else he�s involved in?�

�� The four of them fell silent with that dark thought, until
Heero found the courage to speak again.

�� They gave him the transfusion,� he told them, �He�s
resting now. Stark won�t know when he can go home until they know how he is in
the morning.�

�� We can�t take home tonight?� Quatre asked worriedly.

�� He, like the rest of them, knowing Duo�s issues with hospitals
and their scare, really wanted Duo home and not here.

�� They want to keep an eye on him,� Heero sighed.

�� He wanted Duo home, too. The American was exhausted, weak,
and shaky. He could understand why Stark would want to keep him overnight, but
he thought they could do just as good of a job as the hospital staff. All he
knew was that he wasn�t going home. He had left Duo alone in that room, but if
Duo needed him, he would be here.

�� In other words, there is absolutely nothing we can do.
Again,� Trowa murmured.

�� We can stay here,� Heero said resolutely, �We can make
sure that he knows we won�t leave him.�

�� Quatre nodded in approval at Heero�s words.

�� Want me to get you some tea?� Trowa leaned in whisper in
his lover�s ear, �It�s going to be a long night. Name should be here soon,
though��

�� Quatre hesitated, hating the taste of hospital tea, but he
also didn�t want to fall asleep while Duo might need them. He doubted that they
had sedated his friend, so he could wake up at any time. They needed to remain
alert. Also, an alarming thought, what if Wes came for Duo tonight? He couldn�t
possibly fall asleep with that thought on his mind.

�� Coffee?� he asked softly, �With lots of cream?�

�� He hated coffee, it always tasted funny to him, but in this
case, he needed the caffeine. Trowa smiled at him and nodded, disappearing from
the row of chairs. Heero crossed his arms over his chest and closed his eyes. A
great weariness settled over him and he could feel a headache start to form.
Why did he have to continuously let Duo down? Why couldn�t he be strong enough?
He wished his mother was here. Sleep started to wrap around his brain. He heard
Wufei say something to him, but he didn�t hear it.

*****

�� Heero awoke to an intense, bright light shining into his
eyes. He squinted, bringing his hand up to wipe across his eyes. Once his
vision cleared, he wasn�t quite sure what had woken him. White walls, white
ceiling, white overhanging lights, and a white, tiled floor greeted him, but it
was the same thing as when he had first fallen asleep. The hospital lights were
just as bright as they had been, the only difference
in the world around him was that the sounds of the hospital seemed missing. He
couldn�t hear the clicking heels of nurses, the squeaking, metal wheels of surgical
carts, or the chatter of anyone around him. He couldn�t even hear the intercom,
which was usually droning on and on.

�� Heero sat up sharply and looked around him. It wasn�t just
the nurses and doctors, his friends were missing, too. Quatre, Trowa, and Wufei
were no longer sitting next to him in the waiting room. He was all alone. He
got to his feet quickly, his heart pounding in fear. There should be someone,
anyone here. And it felt late to him, like he had been there half the night, at
the very least. Had something happened to Duo, and that was why his friends
were missing? But that didn�t make any sense. If something had happened, they
would have woken him, and it didn�t explain why there were no nurses or other
hospital staff around. Heero strode down the hall to the hallway where Duo�s
room was.

�� Perhaps it was a little absurd. His friends were missing,
and his mother, too, really, since she have been here by now, but all he could
think about was making sure that Duo was ok, that he hadn�t disappeared too. As
he ran to Duo�s room, he tried to think of any reason why the hallway and
waiting room, maybe even the entire hospital, would be empty. He passed by open
rooms, but even the hospital beds held no one. He was completely alone. Had there been some sort of� incident? A
fire or bombing or something? But no matter what he thought of, it
didn�t make any sense that he would be left behind. On the way to Duo�s room,
he didn�t see anyone. Duo�s room was closed and Heero didn�t know why, but it
made his stomach tighten unpleasantly.

�� He opened the door and stepped inside. Unlike the rest of
the hospital, all the lights in Duo�s room were switched off. Heero couldn�t
even see the green light of the heart monitor, which was definitely strange.
Even more bizarre was the moonlight that was spilling through a window that
Heero couldn�t remember being in Duo�s room earlier. No, he was certain that
Duo�s room hadn�t had a window, anymore than the moon tonight was the deep
orange that the light was as it illuminated the room. In his entire life, he
had only seen one moon like that, on the worst night of his life, over five
years ago. It was that moon, more than the fear of Duo not being in the bed or
that he really was alone that made him hesitate in the doorway. It was the
sound of soft breathing and something else that he couldn�t quite hear clearly
enough to name that made him walk inside, up to the bed.

�� The breath whooshed out of his lungs and a permanent
feeling chill filled him. His hands shook as his blue eyes peered through the
mix of shadows and light towards the bed and he took stumbling steps towards
it.

�� Daddy?� he whispered, but his voice was not of an almost
eighteen year old, it was the voice of a child.

�� Blue eyes, the same exact shade as his own, peered up at
him through unruly hair, set in a face that he had known so very well, very
long ago.

�� Heero, baby, why are you standing in the dark?� a familiar
voice asked, it�s mere sound making tears track down
Heero�s cheeks.

�� Heero fell to his knees in front of the hospital bed.

�� Dad�� his voice came out wispy, like it wasn�t real.

�� He desperately reached out to touch what he was sure was
his father�s cheek, but stopped still when he noticed that the cobalt eyes
didn�t track his movement. They were flat like those of a doll�s. He jerked
back to his knees as though he had been terribly burnt. What was he doing? His
father was dead� had been dead for five years�

�� A sob pierced through the still of the room and Heero
immediately, filled with a burning hope, looked at his father�s body, but his
eyes were just as flat and lifeless as before. Heero glanced over to the other
side of the bed nervously, wondering if he had been hearing things, but it came
again. A deep sob, but liquidy, like someone sobbing
while deeply immerged in water. He didn�t want to leave his father�s side. He
was dead, but he couldn�t leave him� not after seeing him after all this time�
but the continued sobs dug at his heart like hundreds of needles of ice. He
walked to the other side of the bed and felt bile rise in his throat.

�� Duo was kneeling on the floor, but it wasn�t Duo� yet it
was. The boy he loved was impossibly young, six or seven years old. Even at his
young age, Duo�s hair was long. It fell loose around his shoulders, a beautiful
waterfall of cinnamon, fire, and gold. His young body was naked, blood pooling
underneath him and on his thighs, in such an amount that Heero thought that the
boy couldn�t possibly still be alive. His tiny body, emaciated and worn down by
malnutrition and heavy bruising, shook and shuddered with his sobs. The child
finally seemed to realize that Heero was watching him and his head shot up.
Heero nearly gasped at the vivid, gorgeous violet eyes looking at him, and the
desperate fear in them.

�� Help me,� the child sobbed brokenly, �Please help me.�

�� Heero fell to his knees for the second time, his jeans
soaking in Duo�s blood. This child was Duo, his Duo� and there was so much
blood� protectiveness filled him and he wrapped his arms around the little boy,
cradling him in his lap, trying to protect him with his older, stronger body,
but as blood splashed onto his legs, it seemed like it was pointless. He tried
to get the blood to stop, his actions frantic and insane. He pulled the sheets
off the bed, not even thinking of his father anymore. It was useless though. No
matter how much blood he cleaned up, more poured out of his Duo�s body, seeming
like it would never stop. Heero put the boy on the floor to try to get at the
blood better when spider web patterns spread over Duo�s pale skin, the color of
red so deep, it looked black in the lack of light.

�� Duo�s eyes widened as he looked at Heero, almost in
betrayal, as though he couldn�t understand what was happening to him. Thick
blood suddenly spilled out of his mouth and down his neck. Heero felt the urge
to scream as the child bent double and vomiting a huge stream of blood onto the
white floor.

�� Duo!� he finally gave in to screaming.

�� A strong hand clenching the back of his shirt pulled him
away from the grisly scene. Heero came up fighting, ready to kill whoever was
taking him away from his love. Blue eyes, filled with a familiar love and
patient kindness, met him and all thoughts of fighting left him in an instant,
leaving him weak and helpless, like a little child. His father stood before him
wearing, not the suit, or even the hospital gown that he had died in, but the
grey sweater Heero remembered his mother had gotten him that Christmas. The very last Christmas that their family had spent whole.
Heero also remembered that his father had worn that stupid sweater every chance
he could get.

�� Maybe some married men coasted through their relationships,
but not his father. He had truly loved his mother to pieces. Heero remembered
how his dad would sweep his mother into his arms when they came home at the end
of the day. And he remembered his mother, who played the cold business woman to
her associates, would break up into a huge smile and giggle,
actually giggle. She hadn�t giggled
like that since his death. Heero remembered that sweater with a mixture of
sweetness and silliness, recalling how every time he had come home from school,
his mother would be sitting on the couch, needles in hand, and would constantly
ask him if he thought it looked ok. Like a twelve year old would know if a
sweater looked ok.

�� In his memory, his mother had never made anything by hand
besides food and he knew that she had struggled learning how to make the thing.
Her father and brother had hounded her mercilessly about just buying one, but
his mother had insisted on making it by hand, saying that buying a sweater
wouldn�t mean anything. Heero had made fun of his mother for it, saying it was
silly, something that lovesick teenagers would do, but in reality, he had felt
pride at how much in love his parents had been. It just made watching his
mother struggle through his death all the more painful.

�� And here his father stood, wearing that sweater. Heero was
terrified look at it, afraid that that wonderful sweater would be stained with
blood, but once he looked down, he was surprised to find that it was spotless.
Those familiar blue eyes were clear and vibrant and alive� Heero found himself
crying again. His father looked just like he always had; he even had that kind
smile on his face that had always made Heero confess to anything. His mind
screamed at him that his father was dead, this thing in front of him was wrong,
a zombie, but Heero leapt into its arms. Arms that he had not felt for so long,
he cried even harder at the feel of them.

�� His father�s arms came up around him and Heero buried his
face in his strong shoulder. He remembered when he had been small enough to sit
on those very same shoulders.

�� I missed you,� he whispered hoarsely.

�� He hugged his father even harder.

�� Heero,� his father�s voice was filled with sadness at his
name and Heero felt fear wash over him.

�� No,� he begged, his arms tightening further.

�� He didn�t care what his father had to tell him. He didn�t
want to hear it. He didn�t want to hear anything that would make him let go of
this man, he would never let go. He loved him� so much� and he would never let
go of him again. Had he ever let go of him? It felt like it was only his tight
embrace that was keeping his father alive. If he let go� would he turn back into
smoke and ash, only kept alive by Heero�s desperate love for him?

�� Heero,� Alexei�s voice was harder, the voice of a father
who was ready to scold his son for something serious, �Why are you letting him
suffer for your stubbornness?� his father demanded, �Why don�t you help him?�

�� Heero�s eyes widened and he pushed away from his father. He
didn�t even look back at his father as he saw Duo curled up on the ground, now
completely covered in blood, his body still, as though he had given his life
just so Heero�s father could stand there before him, warm and alive. He scooped
the child�s dead body into his arms, screaming and sobbing like a wolf that had
lost its mate.

*****

�� As
Heero awoke in a panic, he nearly bashed his head into his mother�s who had
been trying to wake him up.

�� Heero,� Name gasped in shock, seeing Heero�s wide eyed
expression.

�� What�s wrong?!� he demanded, his heart racing from his
dream.

�� Name took a deep breath, not liking the look in her son�s
blue eyes one bit.

�� Heero, settle down,� she demanded.

�� Heero didn�t listen, sure that there was something wrong.
He didn�t know if it was a carry-over from that strange dream or his mother�s
sudden presence, but he was just plain sure that she had to have woken him up
for a reason.

�� What�s wrong?� he repeated, seeing the distress in her
expression.

�� Name sighed in surrender. Heero was too stubborn to be
convinced with anything but the truth.

�� Heero, don�t panic,� she began, which only served to make
her son even more anxious, �But Duo�s nurse just spoke to me. He woke up about
five minutes ago and had some sort of� panic attack. They had to sedate him,
but he�s still-,�

�� Heero was on his feet, running down the hall, not caring
about how his mother was going to end that sentence. All he heard in his head
was �panic attack� and �sedate�. Name chased after him with Quatre, Trowa, and
Wufei watching the mother and son in bewilderment.

*****

�� //Duo didn�t remember if he had fallen asleep on the front
steps of the apartment. He remembered going out there, he remembered the cat
that had come up to him and crying into her fur, but
after that was nothing, like he had blacked out. He had to have fallen asleep,
because the next thing he knew, he was curled up on his side, naked, back in
the cage of a bed. He knew where he was instinctively, though someone had
cleaned up the blood from the sheets. And it had nothing to do with the fact
that it was the first bed he had ever slept in. Duo blinked his eyes open once
he realized where he was. Everything was the same as the last time he
remembered being in this room, though he tried not to. He tried to build up a
solid wall around those memories, but they just kept flooding back on a dark
tide. He hugged his knees to his chest, tears building up in his eyes.

�� He was stronger than this. He could overcome this. He would
find a way out of here; he would run and hide, like he always did, into
whatever dark hole the monster would never be able to
find him in. He had survived so much� hunger and fear and cold and pain, he
could survive this� this rape thing, too� couldn�t he? Bile rose in his throat
as memory upon memory struck against him. He suddenly yearned for the black cat
that had snuggled against him, even as he realized how silly that was.

�� Something at his back shifted and Duo felt the bed dip. He
froze, like a wild animal that senses a predator in its midst. A light touch to
his back sent him scrambling off the bed, screeching when a large hand grabbed
his stick-thin arm and yanking him back onto the bed. He screamed and fought
like a wildcat as Wes, also naked, pinned him to the bed with an angry growl.
Duo�s head rolled to the side from a violet slap that Wes delivered to the side
of his face. He stared at the wall, tears dripping down his cheeks, one of them
already bruising. His eyes were wide in shock, not at the fact that the man had
hit him, but by the force of it. It was like the man didn�t care at all if he
broke him, and why not? He was just a street rat. He came in the dozens and was
easily replaceable. He flinched when Wes grabbed him by the chin and forced him
to look at him. Duo thought he would go crazy just looking into his rapist�s
eyes. He suddenly wished that he had taken the chance to kill himself when Wes
had left him that day because nothing was worse than this, than waiting for
more rapes to happen. How could he possibly do this �job� when he couldn�t even
last the first time? Even death was better than this black hole in his chest,
threatening to consume him with madness.

�� Now you listen here, little bitch,� Wes snapped at him,
gaining his attention, �This is very simple. We made a deal, just the two of
us. I�ll give you a place to stay and you do a job for me. In order to that
job, I�m going to have to train you. It�s just like any grownup job; it can�t
be done properly unless you become knowledgeable in it. To do that, you�re
going to have to get very comfortable with me, with naked men, do you
understand?�

�� Duo was frozen by Wes� words. He didn�t want to get used to
this! How could he ever get used to it?! If he never saw a naked guy for as
long as he lived, it would be too soon. Wes slapped him again on the same
cheek, making Duo�s head ring with pain at the abuse.

�� I said, Do. You. Understand?!�
Wes snapped.

�� Duo nodded frantically, dazed by the blow. Wes smiled down
at him, but it was the smile of a crocodile.

�� Good. You�ll be sleeping with me until you�ve proven that
you�re used to this. If you can�t� I have no use for a
whore who can�t even sleep with a man,� Wes said, rolling off of Duo.

�� Duo shuddered, suddenly feeling cold down to his bones.
When he felt the much larger man settle down next to him again, every instinct
he had told him to run as fast as he could, but staid still, terrified of
another blow, of the man deciding that he wanted to fuck him again. He bit back
a sob. He would have to control that. He had never cried so much before and
wondered where his strength had gone. He had prided himself in being someone
that survived anything, but this� he wasn�t even sure that he wanted to survive
this. He rolled onto his side facing away from Wes, shivering violently. He had
never slept naked in his life and felt incredibly vulnerable. Of course, he
understood that that was how his new� �master� wanted
him to feel. He tried to close his eyes, but the darkness of the room was too
scary. He felt completely on edge, waiting for his rapist to touch him,
wondering, waiting�

�� He couldn�t close his eyes, couldn�t sleep, not as long as
that man was close to him, especially not with either of them without clothes. That
was all he wanted. Why couldn�t he wear something to be completely naked,
completely vulnerable? And he hated this bed. It was nice and soft, something
that he wasn�t used to. He was used to hard cement, cardboard, wood, and
scratchy, soiled blankets that occasionally he found in dumpsters. There were
even times in the winter that he had no choice but to sleep in those dumpsters,
amongst the trash and grime. He wasn�t used to the soft, plush blankets and
mattress underneath him. It was supposed to feel better, right? But it only
made him feel uncomfortable, like he was sinking into a cloud when he was used
to something much more solid.

�� The places he was used to sleeping in, living in, were
dirty and hard and sometimes painful, but they had always left him sheltered. A
filthy dumpster, a little crack in a wall filled with jagged bits of brick that
only a child could crawl into� he hated this bed because it was so out in the
open. Let alone the beast that was sleeping next to him, he felt like anything
and anyone could come upon him at any moment. He wasn�t safe. Duo looked over
his shoulder. Wes� eyes were closed and his breathing was more relaxed, like a
slumbering bear, slow, but deep. Duo took a deep breath. Still his instincts
were screaming at him to run, but he knew that he wouldn�t get fair. He knew
next to nothing about this man, but he did know that he wouldn�t take to being
slighted so easily.

�� When Duo was confident that Wes really was asleep, he
rolled off the bed. He didn�t make for the door. It was closed and he was sure
that the struggle to open it would awake his kidnapper. Instead, he ducked
under the bed, curling up there on the hard floor. Even with the knowledge that
there was a sleeping dragon above him, Duo found that it was easy to close his
eyes now. He had cover, even if he didn�t feel safe, he didn�t feel so�
exposed. Still, it was hours before he drifted off, but even then, it was
better than the feeling of Wes at his naked back, even if when he did start
shiver on the cold floor.

�� He should have known better, that it hadn�t pissed Wes off
so much that he had tried to run away from him as much as just his leaving the
bed, but it truthfully never entered his mind. So, when he dragged out of his
little hidey hole, he fought like a feral animal, not even realizing what he
had done wrong. There was a look fury on Wes� face as he dragged Duo up and
grabbed him by his long hair. Duo stopped thrashing at the look, terrified of
what the man would do to him if he didn�t stop fighting.

�� Fucking rat,� Wes snapped at him,� You still don�t get it,
do you?�

�� Duo opened his mouth to protest this, to say he was sorry
and didn�t need to be punished, that he did
understand, he just couldn�t possibly get used to this, not tonight, but
his protests were cut short when Wes dragged him by his hair out of the room.
His conviction to try not to piss the man off further was forgotten and he
thrashed and screamed at the pain in his scalp. Suddenly, he was brutally
dropped inside of the tub in Wes�s only bathroom, his limbs flying everywhere
as he tried to grab futilely at the edge of the tub. Wes turned the lights on;
bathing the bathroom in what Duo thought was an unnatural white light. He had
never seen light that bright before except for the sun and squeezed his eyes
closed.

�� If you�re going to disobey me at every turn, I guess I�ll
start your training now. I was going to be nice and wait until the morning, but
I have no use for someone who can�t even listen to simple instructions,� Wes
growled, �Lesson one, for every rule you break, even the smallest one, you will
be punished severely until you get it into that stubborn skull of yours that
you aren�t a human being anymore, you�re a tool,
my tool. If you can�t do what I tell you to, I�ll kill you. There�s nothing
more useless than a disobedient whore,� Wes turned on the water, his grey eyes
piercing as he watched his new acquisition.

�� Duo yelped as icy cold water hit his naked body. An intense
shiver immediately went through him and he tried to climb out of the tub, only
to feel a solid piece of steel pressed against his forehead and looked up to
see Wes pointing a gun at him. Duo had no idea where the man had gotten it,
since he wasn�t wearing any clothes, nor did he know anything about guns, but
he did remember Wes�s comment about killing him and thought it had to be
loaded.

�� Stay in there until I tell you to come out,� Wes ordered.

�� Despite his shivers, Duo managed a shaky nod. Either he could freeze in the tub or he could get shot in
the head, he didn�t see much of a choice there. He wrapped his arms around his
shuddering body, nearly convulsing from the cold that felt like he had been
tossed naked into a snow bank, and curled up in the tub, feeling the water
hitting him like sharp needles. Tears started to drip down his eyes, past his
lips that were starting to turn blue, but they were unnoticeable amidst the
water. Minutes passed, what felt like hours to Duo, before Duo felt like he was
having a seizure and his heart was going to stop.

�� Please, please turn it off!� he begged, forcing the words
out of his chattering mouth, �It�s so cold� so cold.�

�� With an irritated grunt, Wes switched off the water,
glaring down at Duo�s still shivering body.

�� Your tolerance to pain is embarrassing,� he snapped,
�We�ll have to work on that before anything else.�

�� This time when Duo shivered, it was out of fear. Wasn�t Wes
supposed to be teaching him how to do sex better? What did following orders and
coping with pain have to do with it? Sex hurt, Wes had taught him that much
already, so why did the man care if he could deal with it or not when he seemed
to enjoy making Duo hurt? Large hands that were already starting to become
sickeningly familiar to Duo lifted him out of the tub. He let them; shakily
walking and allowing himself to be dragged back to Wes�s bedroom. He felt like
his bones were trying to jump out of his skin and he couldn�t tell if it was
because of the chill and his wet body, or if it was something else.

�� Wes flung Duo onto the bed again, this time leaving him
alone to grab some things inside one of the many cabinets in the room. Duo
hadn�t even noticed them and he wondered if you could be in so much pain, so
full of things that you didn�t want to think about, that you could actually not
notice something weird like that. He ignored whatever Wes was doing, curling up
on his side and trying to control his violent shivers. He didn�t want to be
awake anymore, he just wanted to keep his eyes closed and stay
there on the bed, not thinking or feeling anything. There were so many things
that weren�t coming to him, the cabinets, the fact that this room had no
windows, that Wes had, at some point, turned on a lamp in the room, or even how
his wet hair was sticking to him like millions of silken threads. It all washed
over him.

�� The bed next to him dipped, but Duo staid still, no longer
having any kind of urge to fight. It seemed like every time he did, Wes just
hurt him more, so what was the point? For the morality of it?
He was a street kid; he knew that morality was just a fairytale that people
with home told each other to make the world around them seem less cold. Duo
knew better. Still, when Wes pushed him onto his back and grabbed both of his
arms, Duo�s body tightened in readiness to flee. Then he remembered the cold,
hard fact that not only did Wes have a gun, he was ten times bigger than him
and much, much stronger. Flee� flee where, and how? He lied still, biting his
lip as he felt Wes wind something around his elbows and wrists, effectively
making him helpless. With the man straddling him, he couldn�t kick, either.

�� When he felt Wes get off of him, he looked over to see what
the man was doing. Seeing him fill a syringe with some clear fluid from one of
the many vials he had put on the bedside table was not at all what Duo had been
expecting. He couldn�t understand its presence at the same time that it filled
him with terror. He had heard countless stories of street kids and prostitutes
alike getting addicted to drugs, either of their own free will, or they had
been forced into it in order to control them. He had vowed that he would never
be one of those people. It wasn�t like he saw the point in it anyway. Everyone
said that sex made you feel good, but that had been a lie, so why should he
believe that drugs made you feel good, too? Even if they did� he didn�t want to
get involved with anything that left you a drooling, mindless mess to the point
that you wouldn�t even fight back if someone tried to mug you. Besides, he
really didn�t understand why, if you were struggling to feed yourself, you
would waste money on something so silly.

�� It was those thoughts that made Duo flinch away from Wes,
but Wes just grabbed his arm and stabbed him with the needle anyway. Duo felt a
wave of fear at what the unknown chemical would do to him, followed by
revulsion and pain at the feeling of the needle penetrating his skin and
slipping inside of him. Why would anyone willing do that to themselves?! He
whimpered low in his throat, fighting the urge to thrash. He wanted that needle
out and he wanted it out now! It was like some sort of maddening instinct. His
body and mind knew that such a thing did not belong in him and had to be
removed, like a piece of glass that had gotten stuck at the bottom of your
foot. But his arms were bound and Wes didn�t seem to be in any kind of hurry to
take it out. To Duo�s shock, instead of quickly injecting him and taking away
the needle, Wes fastened the length of it tightly to Duo�s arm with some
medical tape, which only made Duo squirm harder, feeling nauseated by the
continuous presence of the parasite inside of his skin.

�� This is a very special needle,� Wes explained as he
finished making sure that the needle wouldn�t fall off Duo�s arm, no matter how
much he struggled, �It will pump this chemical into you every five minutes, so
it�ll last much longer this way.�

�� As though the drug could hear what Wes was saying, Duo
suddenly felt an incredible agony shoot up his arm. He gave out a gasping
scream as he felt the pain spreading along his veins, up his arm into his
shoulder and neck and down into his fingers. He turned his head to the side,
tears streaming down his cheeks and soaking the pillow that his head was
resting on. It� it hurt. It felt like
there were worms inside of him, millions of worms, each of them made of fire
and blades and they were intent on spreading to every inch of his body.

�� Please,� he sobbed, �Please take it out.�

�� Wes smirked in amusement at Duo�s pained expression. It was
actually pretty cute. Usually, kids Duo�s age made such an annoying fit,
blubbering, getting snot and tears all over the place and generally making a
nuisance of themselves, but this child�s reaction to the drug was downright
adorable. Duo saw these thoughts in Wes� expression and felt a brief pang of
anger, but compared to the pain he was feeling, which was getting worse as the
seconds passed, and Wes� obvious dominance, that anger seemed so small and
pitiful.

�� This drug attacks the nervous system. I don�t expect a
stupid rat like you to understand, but in essence, it causes pain without any
physical force being involved,� Wes� tone was suddenly annoyingly professional,
like a salesman talking about his wares.

�� I noticed!� Duo wanted to scream at him, but he clenched
his jaw shut.

�� More than anger he felt, he was terrified. Wes wasn�t even
considering this something terrible, it was normal to him, so what could he
possibly consider �too painful�? Or punishment? After
all, he was doing this as a lesson, as training, not to punish him for earlier,
so what would he do? He was too scared of finding out to think about disobeying
this man anymore. The cold shower hadn�t been nearly as bad�

�� This is to test your endurance,� Wes continued to explain
and Duo was just shocked that the bastard was bothering to explain anything to
him, �Most boys your age end up vomiting and passing out with twenty minutes.
If you can beat that, we won�t have to do this again.�

�� Twenty minutes� it had only been seconds since the drug had
gone in and he already wished that his hands were free so he could claw out his
own veins. He felt Wes wrap his hand around the back his neck and pull him to
his knees. He felt those fingers curl into the thick hair at the nape of his
neck and felt betrayed. He didn�t even know why. It wasn�t like he knew this
guy or what he was into, which, clearly, was pain at the very least. Why had he
thought that pain wouldn�t be involved in this training business?

�� Please,� Duo begged again before he even realized he was
doing it.

�� What was the point in begging this man for anything? He
didn�t care for him, that was obvious. He was just
surprised that Wes wasn�t hitting him for the pleading. Wes� hand tightened
around his neck, but it was nothing like the painful grip of their first time
together.

�� I want you to give me a blow job. If you can do it right
by the end of the night, I�ll take the needle out, the second you show me you
can do it,� Wes bargained, �Once you do that, we can move on to something less
painful.�

�� For the first time since Helen�s death, Duo felt hope.
Bright, shinning hope� It filled him and lifted him amongst the intense pain
and he nodded frantically in agreement.

�� Good,� Wes said, �Now do it.�

�� Duo paused, looking down at Wes� lap for the first time.
When he had raped him, he hadn�t gotten a real good look at the man�s dick, he had just felt it when it had sliced through him. It
was� big. He wondered how in the hell it had gone inside his small body and he
couldn�t help but shiver, remembering his fear of the organ. It was just a blow
job, though, not fucking, so it had to be easy, right? He just had to open his
mouth and suck on it until Wes came, then he was done. But� but it smelled
weird and looked weird and just the thought of putting that thing in his mouth
made his stomach roll. It was funny, he had eaten things that looked much
nastier, but the thought of putting his mouth to that bit of flesh was gross.
But he hurt so much� he just wanted it to stop. Duo leaned down and, with a
look of disgust, he put the head of Wes� cock into his
mouth. Immediately, he almost gagged at the flavor. It was oddly bitter and
sweaty. He was suddenly struck with the thought that his blood might be still
on it and had to fight not to vomit. Trying as hard as he could not to touch
the thing with his tongue, Duo started to suck as hard as he could, hoping that
he could bring Wes off quickly.

�� Wes growled in annoyance at the move and yanked Duo off of
him by his bangs. Duo winced at the tug and stared up at him with wide eyes.

�� What exactly do you think you�re doing?!� Wes snapped,
making Duo flinch, �That�s not how you suck a man�s dick! Don�t just stick it
down your throat first thing, only a cheap slut does that. Lick it a bit
first!�

�� Duo winced as a rush of agony hit his stomach. The drug was
starting to spread into his abdomen now. Licking that thing was the last thing
he had wanted to do, but Wes was ordering him to� he leaned back down, this
time closing his eyes, and tentatively, so gently that it wasn�t almost a non-touch,
he licked the side of the blonde�s penis. Wes gave out another annoyed sigh and
slapped Duo�s cheek hard enough to get him to stop, but not to force his head
to the side.

�� Do you think this is a piece of candy?� he scolded, �I
said lick it, now do it properly!�

�� Duo looked up at him, terrified that he had no idea what to
do. Would he be punished for this, too? How could he possibly know what he
would or would not be hurt for?

�� I� I don�t know how�� he said in a tiny voice.

�� Wes snorted.

�� And here I thought you weren�t as innocent as you looked.
I guess I have to teach you this as well. Fine. Lick
the underside of the head, swirl your tongue around it and don�t forget the
slit. Not too lightly, either, I want to be able to feel it!� Wes ordered.

�� Duo stared at the member in front of him in confusion. He
had no idea what all that meant.

�� T-the head?� he asked shakily.

�� The big part at the top,� Wes said testily, �The part with
the hole in it. That�s the slit.�

�� Wes wasn�t sure if Duo�s innocence was annoying or cute. He
had picked up a street kid instead of just kidnapping some kid that had
wondered away from his parents so he wouldn�t have to do so much work in
training him. Until now, Duo hadn�t disappointed him. He had been taking a
gamble with Duo�s age, but the boy had obviously spent all his life on the
streets, or at least understood what sex was and how it worked. He even knew
what a blow job was, he just didn�t know what to do.
That kind of innocence seemed cute, if you were thinking of dating the kid, but
in Wes� line of work, men would pay more for a seasoned whore than a virgin. He
didn�t know if he should be annoyed that he had to work on this boy so much or
glad that he had the chance to mold him without destroying any bad habits.

�� Duo hesitated for a second, but he had been given his
orders and he thought that he had some kind of idea what he had to do� besides,
the pain in his arm was starting to get unbearable and he knew that the rest of
his body wasn�t going to be far off. He did exactly what Wes had told him,
licking the underside of the head, swirling his tongue around it, and swept the
tip of his tongue over the slit on top of it. He was rewarded with a low groan
and Wes� fingers tightening in his hair.

�� Good,� Wes moaned happily.

�� The boy was a novice, but once he was given orders, he
figured it out pretty quickly. Duo thought quickly as he continued to swirl his
tongue around the engorged head. If it felt good to lick underneath, would it
feel good to lick the top bit, too? And what if he touched the top, slit, and
underneath all at once, would that make Wes happy? Duo decided to test this
theory, swiping his tongue from the underside, over the slit, to the top of the
head and swiftly moving his tongue back down, in the opposite direction. He
repeated this action several times, feeling some sort of strange, bitter liquid
leaking out of the slit each time he moved over it and wondered if that was a
good thing or not.

�� Wes glanced down at Duo through slit eyes, shocked by his
actions. Shit, but the kid definitely wasn�t half bad and he wondered if he
really hadn�t done this before. He was approaching it like a bright child with
a new toy, trying new things out without being told that he had to.

�� Good, very good,� he praised, his teeth clenched.

�� He was going to have to be careful with this kid, he
realized. If he was smart enough to figure this out so quickly, he was smart
enough to think about other things and have thoughts that Wes didn�t want him
to have.

�� Now, I�ll teach you how to really suck. It�s just like how
I fucked you last night. Put the head in your mouth and slide down, as slowly
as you can. Once you get it all in, move up and down, just like thrusting,� Wes
told him.

�� Duo didn�t hesitate this time, he
just did as he was told, and for a moment, he wondered at it, how he could
follow such an order and not even question it. It scared him, it made him
wonder what other orders he would come to obey in such a way. He once again did
as Wes said, but used his common sense to expand on it. He did try to put all
of Wes� cock in his mouth, between the smell, taste, and just the size of it,
he was too scared of choking. He managed only halfway down, but he quickly
moved back up, hoping that Wes wouldn�t notice. As he made his way up, he kept
the member inside of his mouth, but swirled his tongue around it like he had
earlier, spurred on by more of Wes� deep moans. He kept doing the same thing,
though licking in differently places and moving at different speeds. He wasn�t
sure if it felt better to do the same thing over and over again, or if Wes
wanted him to do something different each time, but he thought it was probably
more interesting to do different things.

�� Suddenly, without any indication or warning, Wes grabbed
Duo�s head with both hands and the dick in Duo�s mouth twitched alarmingly.
Wes� cum was just as thick and unpleasant in his mouth as it had felt inside of
his ass last night, only this time, he could feel how thick it was a lot
better, not to mention taste it. He immediately tried to back off of the rod in
his mouth to spit out the disgusting load, but Wes kept his head still.

�� Swallow it,� he ordered breathlessly, still recovering
from his violent orgasm, �From now on, when a man comes in your mouth, you
swallow it.�

�� This time, Duo did almost hesitate, but the longer he
waited, the less air he had and he swallowed dutifully. At the feeling of the
thick, bitter, slippery mass going down his throat, Duo almost threw up, but he
figured that Wes wouldn�t take the needle out if he did. Wes let go of Duo�s
head finally and the boy fell back onto his butt, taking long, deep breaths.
Finally! His mind shouted. He had done everything Wes had told him, he had
given him a good blow job and he had made him orgasm. Now, the needle would be
gone and he would handle everything that had just happened, but right now, the
needle would come out, so the rest of it was fine� it would be fine�

�� Duo laid down on his back the best he could with his arms
still tied behind him, trying not to put any pressure at all on the needle,
because he was afraid of it. He watched Wes, waited for him to take the hellish
thing out. Wes sat on the edge of the bed and pulled on the pair of slacks that
he had carelessly tossed onto the floor earlier that night. Duo let loose a
restrained breath of relief. That meant he wasn�t going to rape him again
tonight, right? He frowned when he saw Wes pull two long pieces of red cloth
from his pockets. What did he need those for? His violet eyes widened when Wes
undid the bindings on his wrists, only to redo them using the red cloth, tying
his slender right wrist to his right ankle, which Duo realized in fear made it
impossible to move both his leg and his arm and kept his thighs open. Wes did
the same to his other side.

�� Y-you said you�d take the needle out,� Duo whispered,
feeling that weird, prickly sensation of betrayal and petrified that Wes had
forgotten about their promise.

�� Wes� eyes were as cold and unfeeling as stone when he
looked at him, making Duo shudder.

�� Lesson number three,� Wes said flatly, �People lie.�

�� A tear tracked down Duo�s cheek, still wet from his
previous cries, his breath catching in his throat when Wes lightly slapped both
of his cheeks.

�� No more crying,� he barked, �And don�t look at me like
that. We still have two more lessons to get through. Endurance and giving a
proper blow job are very important, but in this industry, just giving a man
sexual pleasure isn�t enough.�

�� Isn�t enough?� Duo wondered in confusion, still stinging
from a betrayal that made him want to beat and scream at the man, if only he
wasn�t absolutely terrified of him, �How can it not be enough? What more is
there?�

�� He still couldn�t believe that Wes had done this to him,
and that feeling of betrayal, of Wes lying to him just to mess with his head,
made him realize that he had trusted him. When Wes had promised him he would
take the needle out, he had taken him on his word. He had trusted him. Was it
because Wes held all the power here and he didn�t really have a choice but to
trust what he said, or was it something else? He hated himself so very deeply
for that. He deserved to be punished and raped because, for that moment, he had
trusted this monster when it had taken him days to trust Sister Helen. What
sort of person was he that he could feel that? It was the number one rule of
the streets: don�t trust anyone, because even your best friend can stab you in
the back. So why him, why Wes?

�� Some guys get off on the pain,
some can�t even get hard unless the one they�re fucking is hurting. Other guys
can�t get hard unless their whores are enjoying it, too,� Wes wrinkled his nose
in disdain at that, as though he couldn�t possibly imagine not getting a boner
just because your partner wasn�t liking it, too, �These are the two lessons I�m
going to teach you now, how to handle the pain and how to like sex. If you
blackout during sex, just because it hurts, I won�t get paid.�

�� Duo didn�t say anything to that, still staring up at Wes
with wide eyes. He couldn�t wrap his head around all that. How could possibly
like it when someone was in pain, especially to the point where you found it
arousing? Sex hurt, but pain wasn�t sexual, was it? Was that why Wes didn�t
seem to care at all when he hurt Duo? Because he got some
sort of sexual thrill from it? He laid his head back onto the pillow,
closing his eyes. His body was wracked with twitches and shakes from the pain
that was now coursing through his entire body. He felt too tired to grudge up
any kind of caring for what Wes might do to him at the same time he felt some
twinges of fear at the sort of pain he might be talking about. He just felt
done in, emotionally and physically. How much fear did he have in him?�

�� He heard a match being lit, but he didn�t open his eyes.
His body was covered in sweat from the agony and he was just concentrating on
controlling his shakes, trying to find some sort of comparison for the pain,
though it eluded him. He had been hurt before, but this was different. It was
ok if he broke his arm or stepped on some glass, he knew how to take care of
that. But what did you do when the pain was buried deep inside of you,
somewhere that you couldn�t see or touch and the only way to make it stop was
to remove a single needle, which you couldn�t get at, and the one that had put
it there refused to take it out? His back arched in an unpleasant bow, he
pulled uselessly at his bindings and let out a hoarse scream as fire burst in
his stomach. He writhed and squirmed, clenching his teeth as he nearly threw up
with the intense feeling of heat and pain.

�� At first, he thought it was because of the medication, but
it didn�t take long for him to realize that the pain was on his skin, not
inside of him. He lifted his head to look at his body, his heart racing when he
saw a spot of blood-red on his stomach. Had� had Wes stabbed him? His vision
cleared from the spots of pain and shock that had been dancing in it and he
realized that the red wasn�t blood, but a splatter of hot wax that had fallen
from the red candle that Wes was holding. There was that feeling of betrayal
again. Where the hell did it keep coming from? Wes peeled the cooling wax off
of his stomach, but the burning feeling remained. Was this what he had meant by
getting used to the pain? Why wasn�t he just hitting him, why this� weirdness?

�� Stay still,� Wes ordered as he dripped more wax on to
Duo�s stomach and Duo tried to squirm away from it, �If I miss, it�ll just hurt
more.�

�� Duo was suddenly terrified that Wes would end up hitting
his genitals with the searing wax because of his thrashing and obediently staid
still. Wes nodded a little, happy with Duo�s readiness to listen to him, and
continued to stain Duo�s white skin with the red wax, this time on his chest
and neck. Duo bit off a screech when he felt the wax land on his neck and for a
second, the heat and pain had made it impossible to breathe. In those moments
when he felt the heat hit him, he completely forgot about the pain of the
chemical and was only concerned with not throwing up like his twisted stomach
wanted him to.

�� Why?� Duo finally choked out a mere ten minutes later when
Wes took a small break to clean the wax off Duo�s skin.

�� It�s not something I expect you to understand,� Wes said
condescendingly with a small smirk, �But some men like this sort of thing. It�s
S+M, or sadomasochism. It just means that there are some things that cause pain
and humiliation that turn guys on. It�s one of the benefits of paying for a
boy. They can be hurt a lot more than a little girl can. And actually�� Wes
looked over at the bedside clock and gave Duo a small smile, �You�ve lasted
eight minutes more than anyone else I�ve trained at this stage. They usually
throw up within two minutes of doing this, or black out,� he said with
distaste.

�� Duo�s eyes followed Wes� hand that was holding the candle
like a puppy following an abusive owner holding a belt and sighed in relief
when the man blew it out and put it back on the bedside table. He didn�t
realize that he had been crying again until Wes grabbed his shoulder and hauled
his bound body into his lap. Duo stared at the shadows behind Wes in shock when
the man put one arm around his tiny body, cradling him in his lap, and wiped
his tears from his cheeks.

�� Ssh,� Wes said and it was oddly�
soothing sounding, �I�m sorry, but this is necessary. You should be proud, you
did well.�

�� Fresh tears spilled down Duo�s cheeks. He closed his eyes,
feeling dark, strange emotions wash over his heart, wrapping around it and
invading it. He curled up into a tiny ball against Wes�s naked chest. What was
he doing? Why was he touching him, talking to him like this? His voice was so
soft� almost caring, like he was actually sorry that he had hurt him. Was he?
Was he sorry? Duo curled up tighter. He couldn�t believe that! If he did� But it felt so nice, that strong arm around him,
the touch of a human being that he had gone so long without. Conflicting
thoughts warred in him. He wanted to let this man hug him,
he wanted to take from him some measure of comfort amongst the terrible pain in
his heart that he knew the chemical hadn�t caused. He wanted to shove him away
in fear, staying as far away from his abuser as possible. He wanted� something�
something that was heavy in his chest, but he couldn�t put a word to. In that
moment, he truly hated Wes. Not because he had hurt him, was hurting him, but
because he had made him feel things, want things that he somehow knew were bad
and dangerous.

�� How should he feel? It was so confusing. He wanted someone
to tell him, but he was just alone. Wes was holding him closely, but he was
completely alone. Wes laid him back onto the bed, undoing the bindings on Duo�s
wrists and ankles. When the men left him on the bed, all by himself, without
removing the needle that was still pumping the chemical in him, Duo wanted to
feel surprise or betrayal, but he was too tired to feel anything. His hands
itched to grab that hateful needle and yank it out of him.

�� Out. Out. Out. Out,� he mind
screamed at him.

�� But he just kept his eyes closed as he heard Wes doing
something in the bathroom. What was the point? Even that maddening voice seemed
like nothing in comparison to the power that Wes held. If he took it out, the
pain would start again. It was so much easier just to obey. For some reason, he
started to cry again. //

End Part 22

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The Road to Kindness