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The Road to Kindness	By : shinigamiinochi Category: Gundam Wing/AC > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 7934 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing/AC, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 28
- 29
- 30
The Road to Kindness

Chapter 7

Djargo: Once again, thanks for the review. The scenes
between Shi and Duo are the exact reason why I�m hoping everyone is reading
Poisoned Memories, otherwise there are a lot of things
that don�t make sense, like the baby thing or why Shi got upset when Solo told
him that they should try to save people. If you�re following PM, then you know
that Shi�s little brother often whined that he wasn�t a baby. Shi feels so
connected to Duo because Duo keeps reminding him of his little brother.

Part 23

�� Duo shot awake to the screaming of his heart monitor and
was immediately disorientated. Where was Wes? He was dressed now, but the pain
was still there. And the needle. The needle was still inside
of him, not just one either, but more, a lot more. Fuck Wes and his fucking
experiments, his needles and his drugs. His vision clouded with tears and he
heard someone running into the room screaming his name, but he didn�t care.
Out, he had to get the needle out, then the pain would stop; then he could
leave� he could find Heero, but the needles had to go. Duo didn�t even realize
how hard his heart had been racing, even with the warning beeps from the heart
monitor, or how he had been thrashing until someone wearing pink tried to hold
him down. He lashed out at them, feeling triumphant when his bare foot kicked
the person in the stomach and sent them to the floor.

�� While he was unrestrained, Duo viciously started to rip out
his IVs, not caring at the blood that was dripping down his arms. The needles
were coming out, and that was what mattered. Suddenly, he was pinned again and
he felt another needle go in before he could fight back, this time in his neck.
No, he had to fight� he had to keep fighting� if he didn�t, the darkness would
come back. That darkness with the chains holding him down and the grey eyed
monster that told him that he loved him. Heero� he needed Heero� he would take
the needles out, he would make these people go away�

*****

�� The scene in Duo�s hospital room was chaotic, even from
Heero�s vantage point in the hallway, running towards the doorway. Duo was
thrashing weakly, trying to escape from various nurses� attempts to pin him to
the bed and bandage his bloody arms. He wasn�t moving very much, reminding
Heero of what his mother had said about Duo being sedated. He was surprised
that his friend wasn�t out already. The sight of the blood on his pale arms
made Heero run faster, his dream of a child Duo with blood poisoning running through
his head like a train wreck. He heard his mother running just behind him, but
didn�t give her much mind. When Stark suddenly appeared in the open doorway,
blocking his path to Duo, Heero snarled at the man, but Stark refused to move.

�� We�re handling this,� he snapped at Heero, annoyed that
Heero had even been made aware of the situation.

�� I need to see him,� Heero demanded.

�� You�re not allowed-,� Stark began.

�� Fuck your rules!� Heero yelled, �He is terrified of this
place, he needs someone with him, someone he trusts. Even if you sedate him, unless you let me in there, he�s
just going to keep freaking out!�

�� Let my son see his friend, doctor,� Name�s voice was
chilling, her eyes like obsidian stones as she stared at Stark.

�� Stark felt all of his power vanish in the force of that
stare and nodded shakily, moving aside so Heero could run to Duo.

�� Heero will be staying with Duo for as long as he�s here,�
Name said coldly, �I expect you to accommodate him like last time.�

�� Stark bristled at Name�s words, but didn�t object. What
could he possibly do against Name Yuy? He was a bug staring a tiger in the
face; all he could do was nod and get out of her way as she dismissed him,
standing in the doorway to look upon her young charge. Duo was already calm by
the time she walked to his bedside, but he didn�t seem to notice her, his eyes
glazed from the mixture of drugs he had been given. The nurse that was fixing
his arms gave Duo a nervous look, afraid he was going to lash out again. The
kick he had given her earlier made her stomach throb, but his thrashing had
been much more terrifying.

�� I�ve only seen this reaction in psychotic patients,� she
warned Heero.

�� If it were up to her, the boy would already be in the psych
ward, but Heero glared at her, a glare that, unbeknownst to Heero, was
identical to his mother�s. He touched Duo�s wrist in a loving caress of his
hands.

�� Ssh,� he soothed to Duo, who
though was succumbing to the medicine, was still tense and looking around in
fear.

�� To the nurse�s amazement, the boy that she had been
fighting with so hard finally settled completely and his heart rate went down.
She had no idea who this blue-eyed boy was, but to calm this wild boy like
that�

�� He isn�t crazy,� Heero said softly, though his voice was
tinged with anger, his hand still on Duo�s wrist.

�� He should be admitted!� the nurse protested, �He ripped
out all his IV�s, he hurt himself, not to mention everyone that tried to calm
him!�

�� No!� Heero snapped at her, regretting his tone when Duo
looked at him in shock, �No, he just had a bad dream.�

�� The nurse shook her head.

�� Stupid kid,� she hissed at him, bustling out and not
noticing the glare Name threw her.

�� Only one nurse remained and she gave Name an apologetic
look, understanding who she was. Duo blinked up at Heero, as though he couldn�t
understand why he was there. Heero felt irritated at the drug-clouded look in
his friend�s eyes. How was he supposed to talk him down from his anxiety
attacks if Duo wasn�t even entirely there? What the hell had they given him? He
looked over his shoulder as he heard Trowa, Wufei, and Quatre run into the
room.

�� Is he ok?� Quatre asked.

�� Heero looked back down at his friend, who was looking
around him in a daze. He should look terrified after a dream that had made him
hurt himself just to escape, but he wasn�t. He was just looking� confused.

�� No,� Heero murmured, �He isn�t ok.�

�� Heero, where am I?� Duo asked in loopy confusion.

�� A hospital, we�re taking care of you,� Heero said in a
soft, affectionate tone.

�� He didn�t mention Wes or being shot. If Duo couldn�t
remember at that moment, he certainly wasn�t going to bring it up.

�� What did you give him?� Heero snapped at the nurse, his
tone turning harsher the second he wasn�t talking to Duo.

�� Just a sedative and a pain killer,� the nurse said
defensively. �Something to help him sleep and deal with the pain. We couldn�t
give him anything fast acting because of his anemia and the blood loss, but he
should fall asleep soon.�

�� Well, he�s having some sort of adverse affect from it,�
Trowa noted, �He looks like someone who�s sleep walking.�

�� Please leave us,� Quatre said
to the nurse kindly.

�� The nurse looked hesitant, but did as asked, scared at the
air of the room and Heero�s obvious anger. Once she left the room, Name and the
boys clustered around Duo�s bedside as a collective, protecting force. Duo
didn�t seem to notice any of them, staring at the medical bracelet that hung
off his thin wrist.

�� Another to add to the pile,� he murmured, scaring everyone
at the airy sound of his voice, like someone who was talking in his sleep.

�� You�ve just been here twice, Duo,� Trowa said cautiously.

�� I want to be buried with them,� Duo said suddenly, �When I
die� no, wait, not buried, I want to be burned with them. You�ll do that
right?� his cloudy, violet eyes moved to Heero.

�� Heero felt a thrill of fear go through them at Duo�s
wonderings. It was just like when he had been going through withdrawal. Was the
past really repeating? He wanted to protest that Duo wouldn�t die before them,
he would see to that, but he nodded, remembering how it had been last time, how
Duo had needed him to follow his line of reasoning, even if it was insane.

�� Of course I will,� he promised.

�� Duo glanced back at the medical bracelet.

�� I wonder if Yuki was cremated,� the longhaired boy mused.

�� Heero felt something go still inside of him. Yuki� he had
heard that name before, more than once, but when? He couldn�t remember�

�� He would have liked that,� Duo
continued to muse, �Yuki hated dirty things. He would have thought being buried
was dirty. I hope he got what he wanted, even if he doesn�t know� it wouldn�t
be fair, if you can�t even get what you want when you die��

�� Duo�� Quatre said worriedly.

�� Duo seemed to not hear him, looking up at the ceiling with
flat eyes.

�� I hate this place,� he whispered, �Why does it have to be
so scary?�

�� Now Duo, don�t be such a baby,� Quatre teased, trying to
keep Duo�s mood up, scared that the boy might have another panic attack,
regardless of the drugs in his system.

�� I�m not a baby!� Duo pouted, then
froze, whispering, �I�m not a baby. He got so sad��

�� Who got so sad?� Wufei asked, struggling to follow the
flow of Duo�s words.

�� He got so sad when I said I wasn�t a baby� why would he
look like that?� Duo wondered out loud.

�� The room fell into silence for several minutes, no one
knowing what to say to their friend. Everyone realized that what Duo was saying
really mattered to him, but they couldn�t understand him.

�� He was right,� Duo suddenly said, �I always knew that.�

�� Who?� Heero asked.

�� He had a lot more luck with his question than Wufei. Duo
looked at him again and his eyes were just a tiny bit clearer.

�� Wes,� Duo murmured, �He said that we�re entangled with
each other and sooner or later I�ll realize that, but he�s wrong. I�ve always
known that we were entangled. I�ve known that for a very long time. We�ll
always be entangled.�

�� Everyone in the room, even Name, shuddered at that. Heero
grabbed Duo�s hand when Duo�s attention started to fade again.

�� When will they go away?� Duo asked him, once again
changing gears.

�� What?� Heero asked, realizing that Duo was only really
answering his questions.

�� Duo pointed to his stomach. Heero lifted the hospital gown just
enough to see the broken blood vessels spread on Duo�s stomach from the stun
baton. Trowa hissed in sympathy.

�� They should fade in a few days,� Wufei assured him and Duo
finally met his eyes, making Wufei feel a lot better.

�� Good,� he murmured, �They look weird.�

�� Trowa tugged on Heero�s sleeve to gain his attention. His
Japanese friend�s blue eyes were filled with anxiety and Trowa didn�t blame
him.

�� Was he like this the last time he
was on sedatives?� the Italian asked.

�� It was a testament to how far gone Duo was that he didn�t
hear Trowa�s remark. Heero shook his head.

�� No, he�� then it clicked.

�� It was like two pieces of a puzzle falling into place.
Heero looked back down at Duo, who was now fidgeting with his hospital bracelet
like he couldn�t sit still and Heero realized that the chestnut haired boy
didn�t dare to. He was being so stupid! He was letting his panic over Duo cloud
his senses. The last time Duo had been on sedatives, he had been loopy and had
said things that hadn�t made sense, like now, but he hadn�t been this� chatty. Or quite this out of character. If engaged in a
conversation, Duo had said weird things, but only if prompted. Duo didn�t want
to fall asleep. He was chatting like that because he was scared and doing all
he could to fight the sedative. His nightmare had been so bad that he had
ripped out his IVs and now he was scared to fall asleep again. He felt like
slamming his head against the wall for missing the obvious.

�� It was obviously a battle that he was losing with how Duo�s
eyes were half-lidded, but even Heero realized that his best friend should have
been asleep by now. Duo couldn�t stave it off forever, but denying himself
sleep like this wasn�t healthy. For what seemed like the millionth time, Heero
cursed Wes. This was all his fault! If he hadn�t showed up again�
now Duo couldn�t even sleep without fear that Wes would follow him into his
dreams. And why not? The bastard had followed him
everywhere else. Again he felt that anger, again he felt that urge to find the
blonde shit and teach him what pain felt like, what hopelessness felt like. If
Duo wasn�t in the hospital right now, then maybe� but he wouldn�t let that
anger awaken here, because he knew that if Duo saw it, especially in his
drugged up state, he would just think that it was directed at him and Heero
would never let that happen. He touched Duo�s shoulder lightly, feeling an odd
burst of affection and something� hotter when he noted that Duo�s hospital gown
was too big on him and had slipped off that shoulder.

�� It�s ok,� he soothed.

�� Duo suddenly stopped babbling as he felt Heero�s touch on
his bare skin and heard his familiar, welcome voice. He looked up at his best
friend with wide eyes, as though he was shocked to find him there. Heero
wondered if Duo�s attempts at not falling asleep were subconscious or
conscious, if he was even aware of what he was doing or if the drugs were
making his mind so messed up, he didn�t understand.

�� You can sleep,� Heero continued, �We�ll make sure nothing
happens to you.�

�� Duo went stock still, stiffened, then shivered a little.
Heero realized that he really had hit the nail on the head and truly wanted to
smack himself for his stupidity. Wes had just soundly proved to Duo that he
could come for him at any time. He would even come for him in his nightmares.
How could Duo possibly feel safe, drugged up with a bullet wound in his
shoulder, completely vulnerable? Leaving him, despite his ideas that Duo would
push him away, was probably not the smartest thing he had done. If Duo had
pushed him away� he at least could have guarded Duo�s sleep.

�� Heero really didn�t think that Wes would make a move so
soon, especially in a crowded hospital, but the only person who really knew
anything about Wes was Duo, the one person who didn�t want to talk about him.
He couldn�t predict what the man would do when, so far, he had done nothing but
the unpredictable. They had assumed that Wes, the image of a cold, calculating
thug that Duo had painted for them, would stay away from Duo as long as Name
could prove a threat to Wes, but he had brazenly come after him. Maybe Boston had been logical,
since Name was far away and Chris had claimed to have an alibi, but here? Duo�s
job wasn�t exactly a tactical place to kidnap the longhaired boy. Hell, it wasn�t
tactical to kidnap Duo as long as Heero and Name were emotionally tied to him.
Then, when Wes had claimed to love Duo, they had assumed that Wes wouldn�t harm
Duo, only to watch as the man shot him, merely to prove a point. How could they
possibly know what he would do next?

�� You�ll stay?� Duo asked in a small voice that made Heero�s
heart clench.

�� Why had he left him in the first place? Just
because he was scared of rejection? Before Boston, leaving Duo alone in a hospital room
after being shot by Wes never would have even entered his mind, let alone the
possibility that it was a good idea. The memories of Duo�s last hospital stay,
though seeming a very long time away, were still vivid in him. He remembered
how scared Duo had been that time, even if Duo wasn�t as in pain now, he knew
the situation hadn�t really changed. Right now, his best friend was as unsteady
on his feet as he had been back then. He didn�t even seem sure that he had his
friends� support, or at least Heero�s. Heero hated that wide-eyed, shocked
look. Was their relationship so fucked up that Duo couldn�t even believe that
he would stick by him when he truly needed him? He had to fix this somehow. Even if he was a failure� Duo needed him, and if he denied
him now� that was a failure he couldn�t cope with.

�� Of course I�ll stay,� Heero assured him, giving Duo�s
shoulder a little squeeze, �As long as you need me, I�ll always be here for
you.�

�� That was what he should have told Duo before he had coldly
left him to his nightmares in a strange, unfriendly room, he realized bitterly.
What the hell was wrong with him? He never would have done this, he shouldn�t have done this! Duo needed him
and he had abandoned him, the one thing that he had sworn he would never, ever
do. He just kept hurting him� and he didn�t know what to do to fix it. The story of his life. He could be arrogant and think of
himself as independent and strong, but when it really mattered, he never knew
how to fix things.

�� It had just been a stupid dream, born of a mix of his stress
over Duo�s injuries, his guilt over leaving him alone and failing him once
again, and his fear of hospitals, born from his father�s death, but his
father�s words haunted him. Even if his father was just his own guilty
conscience, had he been right? Was he letting Duo suffer, letting their
friendship die? He had failed him and had thought that he was giving Duo what
he wanted by distancing himself from him, but in reality, he was pushing him
away. Did Duo even want that when, as soon as he was in trouble, he had reached
out for him? Heero had truly believed that he was right, that this was the
right thing to do. So why did it suddenly feel so wrong? Why, now, did his
reasons sound like hollow excuses? He wasn�t stupid. He knew that there was a
reason far beyond his fear of hospitals that he had dreamed up his dead father.

�� He missed him. That feeling of� of loss and betrayal had
created a deep bitterness inside of him at a young age, and it had only grown
over the years. The bitterness had become loneliness and the loneliness had
become pain and the pain had become rage. So, he had lashed out at anyone who
could take the abuse; classmates, teachers, sometimes even his mother and
friends, but never as passionately as everyone else. The only love that could
compare to the love he had had for his father was what he felt for Trowa,
Quatre, and his mother, so he had never really tried to hurt them. His refusal
to talk about his behavior or his feelings towards his father�s death had
probably led everyone to believe that he was in denial, but Heero was well
aware of the source of his actions.

�� Heero had loved his father deeply, purely, and absolutely,
as only a child could for a parent, so when Heero had suddenly found him gone,
stolen away from him in the night, a deep pain had consumed his heart. The
funeral had been a testament to who Alexei Yuy had really been. As Name Yuy�s
husband, and the obvious father to her only child, Alexei had been popular with
the media and anyone who wanted some sort of connection to the family, so his
death had quickly become a circus. That time between his father�s death and his
funeral had been a very dark time for Heero and his mother.

�� His mother, usually a collected individual, had fallen
apart, incapable of taking care of herself or her husband�s funeral. All of her
concentration had gone to taking care of her son, other than that, she had been
a wreck. Sometimes, more often than not, when she had thought Heero was asleep
or outside, he had heard her or caught her crying. It hadn�t been little bouts
of weeping, like a woman would cry after a break up, either. She had cried like
an animal would after losing a baby, nearly screaming with her grief to the
point that Heero really had been afraid she would break or even possibly die.

�� It had taken Heero years to realize that only real love
could make a human being cry like that, like the crying was causing them
physical pain. For a twelve year old boy who had never seen his mother cry
before, it had been terrible. He hadn�t seen her cry like that since, either.
Instead of begrudging her weakness, his mother�s obvious pain and grief had
awoken a deep protectiveness in Heero. His mommy was all he had left, he
realized, and he wouldn�t let anyone hurt
her. Maybe it was because he was so lonely and terrified from losing his Dad,
he wanted to protect all that he had left, but it went beyond simple
defensiveness. Even now, he protected his family and friends viciously,
constantly terrified of losing them.

�� The calls had started to come in only two days after his
father�s death. The media hounds, desperate for an interview with him and his
mother or demanding access to his father�s funeral would have been hard enough
to deal with, but the short amount of time infuriated both Heero and Name. Heero,
himself, had felt that he just wanted the world to leave him alone when it
simply refused to, and who knew what his mother had been feeling. She hadn�t
had the will at that point to deal with the media. Heero thought that she might
have been able to deal with her husband�s death better if those� assholes had
just left them alone. Eventually, Name�s stepmother had learned of her
step-daughter�s stress and Heero�s grandparents had moved in with them to help
her deal with the funeral and phone calls.

�� It was this witnessing of his mother�s grief that had made
her immune to Heero�s bitterness and wrath, the understanding that he wasn�t
the only one that had lost something precious. Sure, at times he had acted like
a shit to her, but never like he had with his teachers. As the years went on,
his attitude and personality, when he was around his mother and friends, had
gotten closer and closer to how he used to be, but how he was around other
people had never gotten better. Well, until he had met Duo it hadn�t�

�� Heero didn�t remember much about those early weeks of
grieving or the funeral. It wasn�t necessarily something that he wanted to
remember. Somehow his grandfather, a very powerful and respected man even after
handing down his title to Name, had made sure that no one but an invited guest,
a friend, or a family member to his son-in-law, would show up at the funeral.
Heero hadn�t understood how, back then, a single man could make something like
that happen, it was almost like his grandfather had waved a magic wand. But he
had still had faith in the man�s power and sure enough, there had been no media
present. Heero had always liked his grandfather, but in those moments, he had
truly loved him.

�� Though Heero knew that his grandfather hadn�t trusted his
father at first, they had become good friends once Alexei proved he wasn�t some
dime a dozen slime ball who just wanted to marry into
the most powerful family in the world. They had exchanged as many phone calls
and e-mails with each other as Name did and his grandfather had tried hard to
make his son-in-law�s funeral as respectful as possible, as well as give his
daughter as much support as he could. Heero just thought that his grandfather
had been in as much shock as Name, having never thought that he might outlive
his daughter�s husband.

�� The funeral had been a true testament to his father�s
character. Though there had been no media present and many of the Yuy family
had never trusted Alexei, the cemetery had been packed with people who had
loved his father and had fond memories of him. For some reason, listening to
their stories of his dad had soothed the pain in his heart a little, like their
words had made his death seem all the more impossible and he might still be
alive somewhere. But as wonderful as that thought was, at the end of it all,
when everyone but his mother and him had gone home,
Heero had only felt a deep, penetrating, cold emptiness. His father was dead
and no number of happy memories would ever bring him back.

�� For the first time in his young life, Heero had had to face
the very real possibility that the people he loved could abandon him. What was
worse, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He hadn�t liked that
feeling one bit. For the first time in his life, Heero had felt like there was
no one he could rely on. He became overprotective of his mother, Quatre, and
Trowa, obsessed with the idea that they might leave him too, but at the same
time, he became even more protective of his own heart. Losing his father had
been the most painful experience of his twelve-year-old life and that pain had
staid with him, vividly. So he had pushed everyone away. He had refused to
speak to anyone about his father. He acted out and hid his true feelings deep
inside, where no one could possibly reach them.

�� His father�s death had hurt him so much because he had
loved him so much. What if his best friends, his only friends, or even his
mother died, too? He couldn�t ever bear to go through that pain again. Well, it
couldn�t hurt if he wasn�t so close to them anymore, right? So he had done the
one thing, the only thing he could do
to protect himself: he closed off his heart. It hadn�t been very hard. Looking
back on it, it scared Heero how easy it had been to nearly destroy his
friendships. His mother, yearning for a fresh start, had moved them out of the
home Heero had been born in and to one in Sanq, England. Heero had been
terribly bitter about the move, but his memories of his mother�s crying kept
him from causing a huge fight. They had moved and it had been easy to turn his
anger over his father�s death and leaving the last place they had been together
onto the others around him.

�� Because of the move, Quatre and Trowa hadn�t been able to
see him as often, which only made the emotional distance between them all the
easier for Heero. Still, he had missed them, which had only fuelled that pain, that rage. At the end of it all, he had cannibalized
himself. He had forced himself to become something else, someone else. That
defensiveness and rage had eaten away at how he used to be, the boy that his
father had loved and maybe that was the point. If he wasn�t that person
anymore, he couldn�t hurt like that person did, he had rationalized. But, deep
down inside, he had still hurt. He told himself that he had done it to protect
himself, and that was partially true, but couldn�t it also be true that he had
done it to punish himself? Pushing the people he loved away didn�t really dull
the pain; it just pushed it deeper inside of him.

�� It was true that, sometimes, you could only see your
mistakes, see how stupid you were
being, when you were looking back on it. Back then, he had thought he was on
top of everything. He was Heero Yuy, the hottest, toughest shit on the planet.
Everyone said so, even the media, so it wasn�t so hard to make himself believe it. And someone like him didn�t let himself
be pulled down by trivial things like friends. He could rise above it. He could
get stronger. Who cared if that so-called �strength� was a lie and just blinded
him from the truth; the truth of how the world worked and the truth of what he
really needed? If he hadn�t pushed everyone away, he never would have let
someone like Relena get so close to him.

�� That was one mistake that was so blatantly obvious now that
Heero blamed himself for it more than her. He hadn�t been able to admit it to
himself until now, but back then, he had been so lonely, so completely
conflicted between pushing his two best friends away and needing them more than
ever. Relena had been just as pompous and stubborn as him, completely immune to
his attitude, but in a way that only pissed him off further. Most of all� she
was safe. Relena had never met his father, had never met Heero before he had
moved, so she had taken him at face value. When she had started hanging around,
Heero had thought that there was no way he would get close to a girl like her.
That had been his first mistake, thinking that it was inevitable that she would
fade away when he showed no interest in being friends with her.

�� Heero had never even considered the possibility that Relena
might wear him down, but it happened rather quickly. His second mistake was not
realizing his own loneliness. He had thought he could cope with his friends
only showing up a couple of times a month; he thought that he could live the
life of a lone wolf. Then Relena had shown up and Heero�s heart had started to
ache. In that desperation, he had let her in, despite his knowledge that his
mother really didn�t like the girl. It was in Quatre and Trowa�s absence that,
somehow, Relena had replaced them. He had never meant for it to happen, or at
least, not consciously, and there were strong feelings
that he had for the Arab and Italian that Relena had never been able to compete
with, but she had been there.

�� Maybe it was the presence of those still unbreakable
bonds of friendship that had made Relena demand that he not see his friends
when they had gotten engaged. That had been his third mistake, thinking that he
was so infallible that an engagement with his then best friend couldn�t
possibly affect him in any sort of negative way. His fourth was in trusting
Relena at all. He had let her so close to his heart, without even realizing it,
until she had brutally betrayed him. Her mere existence as his crazy fianc� had
seemed like a testament to why he should be close to anyone. In the end, he had
believed that everyone would just cause him more pain. But now, looking back at
his failed engagement and friendship, Heero could see that Relena�s
obsessiveness should have woken him up to the fact that he needed his friends,
his real friends.

�� Even through his remaining feelings for Relena, Heero knew
that Quatre and Trowa had always been his best friends. Even after all the crap
he had pulled, they had remained loyal to him, something that he could never
say about Relena. If he had listened to them, instead of acting like such a
pompous ass, Relena never would have existed in his life and Heero never would
have been left wondering if he deserved Relena�s craziness, if he was destined
to never be happy with another person. He could easily look back on all of that
and see how lonely he had been. In that time when he had thought he couldn�t
possibly feel the pain of loss anymore, he had felt it more than ever.

�� Heero briefly glanced over at Trowa and Quatre, who were
standing so close that their shoulders were touching, and had to fight the
desire to walk over to them and hug them tightly. He had moved all the way to America and
they had still followed him. Their mere presence showed him how much pain he
had been in without them, and how much he needed them. He had been an idiot to
think that he could go his entire life being alone. Even when he pushed them
away, they gravitated back to him.

�� It was the same with Duo, Heero realized with shock. They
were both pushing away from each other so strongly, but here they were, inches
apart, connected as though by some powerful, invisible force. In a moment like
this, Heero wondered if it was even possible to separate himself from the
people he loved or if they would be forever searching for him, no matter how
far he ran. How could he ever think that Relena was an acceptable replacement
for this, this warm feeling in his
chest whenever he saw his friends?

�� He wondered, definitely not for the first time, how he and
Duo had found themselves in each other�s lives. Heero had gone to America,
firmly believing that not only shouldn�t he make friends with anyone, but that
it was impossible. Relena had taught him that it was better to be alone. Even
those that weren�t close to him couldn�t be trusted. Besides, the girl hadn�t
been able to compare to Quatre and Trowa and she had been descended from
royalty, a beautiful gem in a sea of dirty coins. But compared to her, compared
to most of the people he had met, Quatre and Trowa were just� special. They
were bright, kind, talented, intelligent, and brimming with life. How, Heero
had thought on the plane ride over, how could he ever find someone like that in no man�s land?

�� And yet� he had. He had found that and so much more. It was
kind of funny actually, in an ironic sort of way. He had come to this country
expecting to not find anyone and he had met that someone his very first day.
And Duo had been in a much worse spot than him. Bullied and neglected by his
classmates and victimized by a man who was not only cruel and perverted, but
also a criminal who had no qualms about killing people. Was it any surprise
that Duo�s only friends ever were
also prostitutes? Add in his childhood as a homeless orphan and it was no
wonder why Duo had never tried to make friends with his classmates. Heero
didn�t know what was more likely, Duo being afraid of a new friend, being hurt
by Wes, or him being afraid of getting hurt by that friendship.

�� When he thought about it, their relationship was literally
miraculous. Neither of them had wanted friends in their lives, but Heero
thought that their reasons were exactly the same, fear. Maybe the reason why
they had connected so quickly was also the same, they were lonely and
desperate. He tried to imagine what life had been like for Duo before they had
met and had to stop because it was too painful. Duo had been so hostile when
they had first met and Heero didn�t blame him one bit. Duo had had enough to deal
with and here came this� this punk,
hitting on him and acting like an arrogant jackass. What had Duo said to him?
Something about the world not revolving around him and that he was going to
learn that sooner or later.

�� He had learned that all right, he had learned a lot since
then, like that he didn�t have the corner market on pain and loneliness. To
live in a place like that, with a man who beat, raped, and belittled you every
day, never sure if you were going to get to eat, or if your �caretaker� might
shoot you dead� If Hell existed, Duo was intimately acquainted with it. He had
lived in Hell most of his life. And when he had finally gotten a chance to
escape it for a few hours, he had met Zechs. He had had no friends outside of
that hell, not a single kind hand, not one person who wanted to protect him.
Just thinking about that kind of living conditions made Heero feel the need to
latch on to something, and Duo had spent his entire life in that state. What
the fuck did Heero Yuy know of pain and loneliness in the face of Duo�s own
agony?

�� If Duo could hear Heero�s thoughts, he would berate him and
tell him something like life wasn�t a competition and one person�s pain wasn�t
any worse than another�s; pain is pain, but when Heero compared his father�s death
to Duo�s lifetime hardships, they never added up. A spoiled brat, throwing a
temper tantrum because he had finally realized that he had no control over his
life and a shy, street kid turned forced prostitute with seemingly no future�
Their relationship was like two archers, standing miles apart, letting lose
their arrows on the darkest night and having those arrows hit each other at
their tips. Something like that was so random, but at the same time, so very
perfect. It was something that seemed utterly impossible, but here they were.

�� How had it happened? Duo had obviously been so hungry for
stability and human companionship that he had been able to find what he needed
in Heero and his stable life, but why had he sought Duo out himself? Had it
just been because of curiosity and lust or had it been something else, a need
deep in his heart? He could think about it for the rest of his life and not
pull out all of the things he saw in Duo that had started his life up again.
Because that was what he had done in his father�s absence, he had stopped
frozen, and now, with Quatre, Trowa, Duo, and even Wufei so close to him, he
felt like he was finally moving forward.

�� Then Boston
had happened and it felt like everything was at a standstill once more. He had
thought that he had cannibalized himself, that he had eaten everything he had
been as a child, but in reality, all of that was still inside of him, just
hiding away for the right person to bring it out and that was exactly what Duo
had done. He had woken his heart up, not just in the love he had for Duo, but
the violet eyed boy had opened his eyes to the potential in others. He had
spent so very long in the dark, looking at people in distain, calling them
stupid and simple and irrelevant in his mind, allowing himself
to be clouded by what the world thought he should be and how he should act.
Someone belonging to a powerful family couldn�t ever bother with �common�
people. But then he had met Duo, who was poor and hurting and a nobody even in the eyes of common people.

�� Duo had shown him that what other people thought of you was
often incorrect and if you acted like they wanted you to act, you were just
living a lie. Before coming to America,
if Heero had met a boy like Wufei, he would have punched his lights out. Now,
he was friends with him. It wasn�t an accident, or just because Duo had decided
to be friends with him. Even when he had wanted to hit Wufei for coming on to
Duo, he had seen the Chinese boy�s honor, the brightness inside of him, because
he had seen it in Duo, too. He had so much to thank the longhaired boy for� he
had saved him, had reached him where no one else could have, maybe because
Heero had never expected him to. He had snuck up on him.

�� Was it any real surprise that Heero had dreamed of his dead
father? He wasn�t a complete idiot; he knew what the dream meant and why his
father had been in it. To him, his father was his greatest failure, the most
painful moment in his life. Boston,
like the death of his father, had shown Heero how helpless he was and he hated
that. He had rationalized that he had failed Duo, and Duo had to hate him for
that, so he should distance himself from him. Really� wasn�t this reaction the
same exact one as when his father had died? Almost losing Duo had been so painful�
it was strange, Duo hadn�t died, but at that moment when Chris had almost slit
his throat wide open, the pain had been more overwhelming than at his father�s
funeral� just that possibility of losing Duo. It had felt like his heart would
be torn apart.

�� He was distancing himself from the people he loved again,
this time Duo, the one person he never wanted to do that to. And he knew where
that road led because he had walked its entirety before. Just more pain and
loneliness� like an endless circle. And this time, he wasn�t just letting
himself down, he was also letting Duo down, which was
a thousand times worse. Duo needed him to make him feel safe and Heero was
pushing him away. Hadn�t all those weeks passed with him wishing that Duo would
give him some clue that he still needed him? It was pointless, really. Even as
he was pushing his best friend away, the second Duo reached out for him, Heero
had come running back.

�� But it was terrifying the way Duo had complete control of
him without even realizing it. He was so hung up on his father that whenever he
got close to this sort of feeling, he ran away. But his father, real or not,
was right. In his effort to keep hanging on to his father and reliving that
fear, he was letting Duo down when he needed him most. Instead of staying by
Duo�s side, where he belonged, he had let that fear consume him. He never
should have done this� not just leaving him when he was sleeping in this damned
hospital bed.

When
Duo had flinched from him in that hotel room, he should have grabbed him as
tightly as he could and told him that everything was going to be ok. Even if he
hated Heero, he would be there; he would always be there when he needed him.
Instead, he had sent Duo the message, loud and clear, that that flinch was fine,
that this distance between them was not only fine, but wanted on both sides and
it wasn�t, not really. Even if the distance was safe, Heero couldn�t retreat to
it like he had in the past because more than anything, he wanted to be with
Duo. He loved him, why would he ever want to be apart from him? Just the sight
of the boy he loved lying in that bed, his shoulder wrapped in bandages, made
him sick with worry. It should have made him want to run, just like before, but
he was overcome with the desire to hold Duo to him, as closely as he could. He
wanted to touch his skin and breathe in every inch of him until the world fell
apart. He wanted to feel his heart beat, like he had every time Duo had needed
him to hold him or sleep with him to keep the bad things away.

Heero
dared to brush his knuckles over Duo�s cheek while he was too drugged up to
question it and wrapped his fingers around the shorter boy�s hand.

�I�ll
always be here,� he repeatedly with conviction. �No matter what you need, I�ll
be here. I promise. I�m not going to leave you ever again.�

Quatre�s
breath hitched in his throat at Heero�s vow. Back in Boston, Trowa had been so upset about the
promises they had broken to Duo and Quatre was sure that Heero had been even
more upset about it, but here he was, making another promise that he didn�t
know if he could keep, just to make Duo feel better� did this mean�

Duo�s
clouded eyes looked up at Heero in shock at his words and some sense finally
came to him. All the conflicting feelings in his head and heart about Wes and
Heero and Name silenced themselves and he could only hear Heero�s promise. He
would always be here� but Heero hated him, didn�t he? And yet the touch of
their hands together was searing hot and piercing, erasing any doubt, the way
that Heero�s touch, and only his touch, could. If he hated him, then why was he
here now? Why, when Duo had reached out to him, had Heero held him and tried to
comfort him? And did it matter? Heero�s hatred would hurt, but just the thought
of him leaving him again filled him with an intense fear that he hadn�t felt
since their very first fight, where Heero had struck him. He needed him� he
couldn�t do this, couldn�t face Wes without Heero.

If
it weren�t for Heero, for this strange, incredible love he felt for him, he
never would have run away from Wes in the first place. Somehow, Heero had given
him the courage to finally stand up and say no to the man, even if he couldn�t
bear to do it to Wes� face. And when he had returned today, he had found that
strength again, not only to say no, but to actually attack Wes. For the first
time in his life, he had this strength, he felt like his own person. And he
loved that feeling, was addicted to it.

�Heero,�
he whispered, his voice suddenly raspy, �I-I�m sorry.�

�Sorry
for everything,� he thought, �I put you in danger again, I put everyone in
danger and all I can think of is how happy I am that you�re here. Wes is out
there somewhere and I want to cry for joy that you stuck around��

�Don�t
apologize,� Heero soothed, stroking Duo�s bangs, �You�re safe now. I won�t let
him get to you. Just sleep.�

Almost
as if on command, or he was just that tired, Duo�s eyes slid closed and his
breathing seemed to ease for awhile. Name let go of her own sigh of relief. She
was surprised that Duo had even had the energy to fight the sedatives for that
long. She understood that the hospital had a policy to sedate patients like
Duo, who had frequent panic attacks, especially when they tried to rip out
their IV lines. It seemed like such a shocking, violent act, but considering
Duo�s intense fear over needles, it was one that Name could understand. She
just wished that Dr. Stark had asked her permission before shooting him up with
more drugs. Part of Duo�s fear came from a history of a total lack of control.
Wes had used drugs to make Duo even more of a victim and Duo�s body and mind
remembered that lesson far too well.

Sedating
him hadn�t made Duo less anxious, it had made his condition so bad, he was terrified of falling asleep. It was her own fault, really. As soon as she could, she was going
to have Stark make a little note in Duo�s file that he should never be given
sedatives unless she authorized it first. It was a fair thing to say that Name
Yuy was not happy at all. Her son�s best friend had been shot by the craziest
man in this state, who was admittedly stalking and threatening, not only Duo,
but her son and his other friends. Heero was probably going to worry himself to
an ulcer, and just to tip the scales, she was fighting with ignorant hospital
personnel at every turn.

And
didn�t it just say everything that, right now, she was more worried about Duo
than her own kid? Of course she was worried about Heero, how could she not be?
Wes seemed to have singled him out, like he had a personal vendetta against
him. The bastard had tried to kill Wufei too, just for showing up. It was like
everyone that Duo knew, everyone he was friends with, was suddenly in danger.
When Trowa had told her the entire story, she had been shocked to hear that Wes
had confessed to loving Duo. She didn�t know what was more startling, that such
a man could feel love for a child that he had terrorized, or that he had
claimed to love him and then had shot him, just to make Heero feel bad.

He
had tried to kill Wufei, and if they hadn�t ganged up on him and had kept him
occupied, Name was sure that Wes would have tried to kill Quatre and Trowa,
too. The man seemed to have absolutely no morals against killing a bunch of
teenagers, for little more reason than they were in his way. But Name knew that
her son and Duo were the two that were in the most danger from Wes. Wes had
only tried to kill Wufei, but he had mercilessly teased and bullied Heero with
his inability to protect Duo, something that seemed more serious to Wes than
simple murder. To take such time when he could have just shot them all dead
told her that the man had taken a personal interest in Heero.

So,
yes, of course she was worried about Heero, she would be a terrible mother if
she weren�t, but as a business woman, she was practical and could never ignore
the basic facts. Any man who could claim to love a person so much, and then
shoot them was clearly crazy. And Wes was far more than a garden variety, crazy
stalker. If she believed in such a thing, she would call him evil. The actions
of a crazy person were unpredictable. They could consider what Wes was likely
to do for years, but they would never be able to come up with anything close to
accurate. So far, reason had failed them. They had thought that Wes would stay
away as long as Duo wasn�t alone, but that had turned out completely wrong.

For
all she knew, Wes would storm the hospital tonight, anything could happen. But
there was still something that she knew he would do with absolute clarity. Wes
was coming for Duo. He was coming for what he perceived as �his�, and he
wouldn�t stop until he got it, or they stopped him. She didn�t know what he
would do after that, but she was terrified for Duo�s safety. It wouldn�t just
be a case of Wes failing or succeeding in kidnapping Duo, either. Just by
showing up again, Wes had done untold damage to Duo�s heart and emotional
state. Whatever doubt Wes had instilled in Heero�s heart wasn�t anything like
the agony in Duo�s that had started growing since the moment Wes had raped him.
Just his mere existence in Duo�s life was causing the teenager immense pain.

Name
wouldn�t stand for it. She had promised Duo a chance at a normal life, a future
devoid of loneliness and degradation. She had sworn that he would be safe. She
wouldn�t have that bastard make her a liar, not to this boy that had somehow
made his way as deep into her heart as her own child. No� it was more than
that� just calling Duo her son�s friend wasn�t fair. When he had needed a mother,
she had been there for him and she had resolved to give him whatever he needed
to become whole again. Saying that he was like a son to her
didn�t cut it. He was.

She
would protect him. No matter what happened, no matter what cruel thing Wes
pulled, she would be there, not just because she had promised Duo, but because
she loved him. He deserved peace for once in his life, but as long as Wes was
breathing, she didn�t think he would ever get it. Even if they caught Wes and
put him in a maximum security prison for the rest of his days, Duo wouldn�t
feel safe. The way that Duo made Wes sound, he had enough connections to make
sure that, sooner or later, he would break out. He might not even get
convicted. That scared Name the most. It was the sole reason why she hadn�t
called the cops months ago. She had promised Heero
that they would involve the police once Duo had settled and gotten better, but
the more Duo told them about Wes, the more she had
realized that it wouldn�t be that simple.

If
Wes was as connected as Duo said, it would be foolish of her to assume that he
didn�t have someone in the police on his payroll. At first, she had just been
concerned about the police learning about Duo because he would be sent to an
orphanage or foster home, or worse, be hidden away as a witness just because he
had lived with that monster. Duo had told them once about Wes shooting a fellow
drug dealer in front of him when he was younger. That there might be other
incidents like that in Duo�s memory that he hadn�t told them about chilled Name
to the core. It was a testament to how much she loved Duo,
that she was shaken and protective over his memories, things that she
had no ability to change or save him from.�

Name
was now less worried about Duo being taken to an orphanage and being lost in a
system that didn�t care what happened to him. He had been with them long enough
that he had easily proven how he had grown and changed under her care. Since he
had been released from the hospital and had gone home with them, Duo had gained
weight, hadn�t missed anywhere near as many
classes as he had when Wes had been putting him through the wringer, and he had
gotten a decent job. Better yet, she had the money and resources to help take
care of Duo and give him a future. Even if Duo was taken by the police and
shuffled to some orphanage, with no one else to contend her guardianship, Name
would win the right to be his foster parent easily. What she was more worried
about was some crooked cop taking Duo away from her with a bullshit excuse like
witness protection or prostitution if Name asked for their help in taking care
of Wes, only to have them deliver Duo into the lion�s jaws.

Still,
bribing Stark to go against his rules and not call the cops because they had a
gunshot victim left a bad taste in her mouth. She didn�t know if it was because
letting the cops know that Duo was in trouble was the right thing to do or
because of how ready Stark was to take her money and how easy it had been to
get people to do the wrong thing, but the whole process, though it was probably
best for Duo, seemed wrong to her. Her morality screamed at her to bring Wes to
justice, to call the police and tell them everything, but her common sense
refused to risk it. Wes was coming for Duo, that was true, but she wouldn�t
deliver him to the bastard by making such a foolish mistake. There was that cut
throat, vindictive part of her that seethed at the thought of anyone hurting
one of her own and that part was excited at the idea of meeting Wes one day,
and all the things she would do to him.

Nowadays,
it seemed like there was absolutely nothing she could do. It wasn�t a feeling
that she could easily accept. She wanted Duo and Heero safe, but she didn�t
want to betray herself in order to do that. She already knew that, if it came
to an assault against Wes, they, whether it was the police, herself, or the
boys would have to kill him. Locking him up wasn�t good enough anymore, not for
her, but at the same time, Name Yuy was no killer. Her grandfather had been
protected by a series of assassins who had readily taken out those out to
attack the Yuy family at his command, but it was a practice that her father had
been disgusted by. She could get a hit on Wes, but that did a lot more than
leave a bad taste in her throat.

If
she was doing this for Duo�s sake, she had to play by the boy�s rules and what
he wanted. To kill the man that was stalking Duo would lower her in his eyes,
and she couldn�t have it. Because when all of it was said and done, she needed
his respect and his love for her. She wouldn�t take those things away from him
by murdering someone. In Duo�s eyes, someone who took another�s life was lower
than anything. She almost felt the same way, though she thought that a man who
could rape a child was worse. Still, Duo deserved justice, not vengeance, and
she had no right to take that away from him. She would have to keep doing what
she had been doing, paying professionals to keep a look out for Wes, to keep
tabs on him. Of course, that hadn�t been working so well. The man was like a
ghost and Name felt like she was doing more, especially now with him lying in
this hospital bed and looking so pale and pained, even in his sleep.

�You
know,� Trowa said with a deep chuckle that dissolved the somber mood of the
room, �We really should start to ask for rooms with two beds in them whenever
Duo comes here.�

His
emerald eyes were fixed on Heero, who was still holding Duo�s hand and watching
him intensely as the longhaired boy slept. Heero turned his head to glare at
the taller boy.

�What
is that supposed to mean?� he snapped at him.

�Well,
this is becoming something of a habit, isn�t it?� Trowa teased, �Every time Duo
gets hurt, you stay by his side like a loyal dog. At least this time he won�t
be here long enough that we�ll need an extra bed for you.�

Heero
felt that he should argue about the loyal dog bit, but it was the truth. Even
when he and Duo were having problems, the second his best friend was hurt or
needed him, he was by his side in seconds, unable to leave him out of fear that
something would happen in his mere absence. Even now, though Duo wasn�t as hurt
as he had been back then, he felt the intense urge to not leave his side. He
knew that Duo wasn�t in any real danger from his bullet wound, but still� there
was a darkness deep in his heart that screamed at him
not to leave him. Once again, Heero wondered how he had been able to abandon
him before, when now it seemed so impossible.

�We�ll
get some chairs,� Quatre said, dragging Trowa out of the room in hopes that
Heero wouldn�t deck his boyfriend for his teasing.

A
nurse gave the two lovers a weird, confused look when they stopped her in the
hall and asked for five chairs, but helped them find ones that were much more
comfortable than the two in Duo�s room that neither of them wanted Heero
sitting in for over twelve hours. She even helped them lug the chairs to the
room and set them up before bustling off again. Almost immediately, Heero set
up his chair and sat next to Duo�s bedside. Wufei watched all of this, feeling like
a fly on the wall, or a big piece of furniture that was useless and just in the
way. He looked down at his watch. His parents had wanted him to be home early
tonight so he could start dinner before his father got home, but the thought of
leaving right now made him feel uncomfortable.

Should
he even go home at all? Duo had been shot and Wufei had almost died. He would have died had it not been for
Duo�s courage. And he had repaid him by failing to shoot Wes. It seemed
horribly wrong to just� leave him here. What if Wes attacked him again? He felt
like he owed the violet eyed boy that much, to stay here and protect him. But
at the same time, it was taking every inch of his will not to shake with what
had just happened. His pride screamed at him to find some place quiet and
solitary, while his honor as a friend screamed back that Duo�s needs were more
important right now.

�Wufei,�
Name said, almost loudly in the silent room, �I can take you home now.�

The
Chinese boy�s back stiffened. Dammit, but that woman was creepily perceptive.
It was no wonder why the magazines called her the sharpest, most efficient
leader that the Yuy Corporation had had in over three generations. He hadn�t
met Heero�s grandfather or great grandfather, but his mother intimidated the hell
out of him, especially when it seemed like she was reading his mind.

�I�
I think I should stay,� Wufei said hesitantly, �Duo-,�

�Rubbish,�
Name waved away his concerns, �Duo is fast asleep and won�t even notice that
you�ve left. He�ll wake up in a few hours and will probably feel much better
about himself if you lot aren�t here. It will make him
feel less guilty and pathetic. I doubt Wes will try anything tonight and if we
need you, I have your number. It makes no sense to have you, Trowa, and Quatre
hang around here, doing nothing. Duo�s life isn�t in danger and Heero and I
will stay here.�

�She�s
right,� Quatre said, looking at Duo mournfully. �Besides, they had to cut Duo�s
shirt to get at the wound, so we need to pick up some clothes for him for tomorrow
anyway.�

�And
breakfast,� Trowa added, �Duo might not be a picky eater, but a decent
breakfast, instead of rotten hospital food, will lift his spirits.�

And
suddenly, Wufei realized that they were all worried about the same thing. Duo�s
injury hadn�t really been that bad. Though he had had to have a blood
transfusion and very minor surgery, he had been hurt worse in Boston with his anal injuries and
dehydration, and he had gotten through that without any help from a hospital.
Though a cut on the neck, some bruises, and sexual trauma didn�t seem as bad as
a bullet wound, it had been his emotional state and shock that had made that
time so bad. That was what they were worried about now. Though Duo was
healthier than before, in that he wasn�t hungry or thirsty, seeing Wes again
had to be more traumatic for him than seeing Chris.

He
could see it in Quatre and Trowa�s eyes as they looked at their sleeping
friend. What if Duo had a massive panic attack, even worse than the one a little
while ago, and he made himself sick? Before meeting Duo, he had never thought
that such a thing would be possible, but he had seen it happen to his friend
before. He would be perfectly fine, then one of his attacks would hit and he�d
become a wreck. He didn�t think that it could be avoided this time, and he
didn�t know how bad it was going to be, but it was going to be bad. Duo�s worst
nightmare couldn�t come to life and not have some intense consequences on him,
on all of them. Name patted her son on his shoulder, barely gaining his
attention.

�I�ll
drive everyone home, but I�ll be back soon. Do you need me to grab anything
from the house?� she asked.

Heero
shook his head.

�There�s
nothing I need,� he murmured, seeming to be in another world.

�I�ll
leave your car� just in case,� Name said in a deeply somber tone.

Her
words seemed to reach Heero and his eyes cleared, becoming sharp and focused.
The mother and son shared an intense look and Quatre felt a chill go down his
spine and settle in his stomach. She was saying� she was telling Heero that she
was leaving the car because if Wes came, or anything else happened, Heero was
going to have get Duo out of here. The thought of Heero taking out all those
IVs and smuggling Duo, still drugged up and only dressed in a hospital gown,
out of this crowded building and into his car under some� some assault made him
shiver. He suddenly understood Wufei�s hesitance to leave. In the face of that
intense, shared look, it seemed wrong to leave Heero and Duo alone, even if
Name was going to join them shortly.

�I
understand,� Heero said gravely.

Trowa
noticed the same thing that Quatre had, but he didn�t feel as afraid as his
lover. If Wes did indeed come for Duo, Heero would see to it that he would be
safe. Heero would do anything for the longhaired boy�s safety, and Trowa
trusted him to do what he had to in their absence. Name kissed Heero on the
cheek, which he took without a glare of annoyance, and Quatre smiled softly as
she did the same thing to Duo, watching as she bent down and whispered
something in his ear. Whatever it was, when Name stood up, she was smiling
fondly.

Heero
heard them file out and the door close behind them. He sighed, but he wasn�t
quite sure if it was out of relief or regret. As grateful as he was to have
some alone time, away from the prying eyes of his friends and mother, the
hospital room suddenly seemed so empty and cold at their absence. He hated the
beeping of Duo�s heart monitor just as much as he had last time. It was a great
way to tell if Duo was stressed, but it just reminded him that his best friend
wasn�t well. He ran a shaky hand through his thick, unruly bangs. This was all
so fucked up. He had thought, they had all thought, that when Wes had shown his
face, they would take him out, they would give Duo both the peace of mind and
revenge that he deserved. Instead, Wes had not only gotten away relatively
unhurt, but Duo had been shot.

They
had failed spectacularly. Hell, the only one who had managed to seriously hurt
Wes had been Duo, the one person who shouldn�t have had to fight, not with
those mental blocks of his. But, he also couldn�t help but being immensely
proud of him for doing it. Duo had been turned, literally, into a slave by Wes,
and Duo had always claimed he could never fight against the man, but he had. When the people he loved had been
in danger, Duo had fought and he had saved them. Duo might hate violence, but
he clearly had no qualms about protecting what he loved. Heero tightened his
grip on Duo�s hand.

�I�m
sorry,� he said out loud, �I failed you again. I� I keep failing you. If it
weren�t for those cruel things I had said, you never would have run away from
school. If I hadn�t taken so long to find you, I could have saved you before
Wes had chained you up. I should have stopped Wes and Zechs from hurting you,
long before you ran away. All the clues were there, I just didn�t want to see
them. If it weren�t for me and my past, Relena never would have sent those boys
after you. In Boston� in Boston I should have found a way to save you,
but I didn�t. I should have stopped him from raping you, but I� I was just so helpless. I can�t do anything. I don�t
even know how to protect you!� Heero�s voice hitched and a tear went down his
cheek, �I love you so much, but I�m useless. I�m so stubborn and arrogant, but
in the end, you�re the one who gets hurt and I keep failing you.�

He
pressed his face to Duo�s shoulder, his tears spreading through the flimsy
material of his hospital gown.

�I
just want to protect you, more than anything. I want you safe and happy. But no
matter what I do, you just keep getting hurt. And I�m the one who hurts you the
most. I hit you, screamed at you, because I was consumed by my own selfishness
and need to protect myself. I should have been thinking of you and your pain,
but I refused to look at you, I just lumped you in with everyone else that hurt me. And now� now
I didn�t even mean to hurt you, but I couldn�t take my own failure and I pushed
you away,� Heero�s voice was thick with tears.

�Please�
forgive me�� he begged.

The
sound of his voice echoed in the room and quickly faded away into silence.

End
Part 23
- 28
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- 30
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The Road to Kindness