Hell is for Heroes

Standard disclaimers apply!

warnings: I\'m going to be including rape scenes etc. later on, pilot preggy, prostitution.... O and LOTS and LOTS of torture! ^_^

Pairings: 2x1 mainly, a bit of 1x2 (i like Uke Heero best! ^_^) side pairings (3x4, 5xS) just mentioned and variousx1

Apologies to anyone who feels I have stolen any of their material, I promise you it wasn’t intentional but I have read a lot of fics in order to get ideas *hides* don’t hate me….
Thanks to anyone who’s bothering to read this fic it\'s going to be part of a loooooooong series but I have to fit writing chapters in with doing coursework etc. so it may not get finished for a while but believe me it WILL get finished!
Like all authors i LOVE getting reviewed (good or bad its just good to get someone\'s opinion) so if you can spare the time please please please review thx.
all my love
[An Angel\'s] Silver Tear
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Hell is for Heroes

Chapter Three

‘I hate war’ Duo thought to himself ‘so many deaths.’ Duo sighed and walked over to the window. It was raining and the grounds of the boarding school he was staying with the ‘perfect solider’ were deserted. ‘I wonder if anyone would even care if I jumped’ he was miserable, the last battle had been hard and the five Gundam pilots had almost been defeated by the Ozzies. To add to his depressive mood it was also the anniversary of his best friend Solo’s death. ‘I’ve been alone to long…hummmmm… I bet you’re sat up there laughing at me right now ain’t ya Solo!’ duo sighed ‘I wonder if Father Maxwell and Sister Helen are taking care of you up there So. I wonder if you’re leading all other orphans in a dirt war, just like we used to do….” Duo sighed again and sank down onto his bed. “Solo…”

Heero Yuy -Gundam pilot 01, the perfect solider and 15 year old formally known as Kid- walked in to the dorm room he was sharing with the Gundam pilot 02 and noticed something rather odd.

Duo was led on his bed, curled up into a tight ball hugging a pillow. Something wasn’t right here. The braided baka, as Heero had dubbed him after just a few hours of knowing him, was usually bouncing around the room creating a huge mess which Heero would usually have to later make him clean up.

Heero felt a tug at his heart. What could be wrong with the boy who always managed to spare a cheery smile at a disgusting killing machine like him? Heero had to do something. Someone like Duo shouldn’t be sad. He didn’t want Duo to be sad; he wanted Duo to be happy. But he’d never been good in situations like this; he didn’t know what to do. May be he should go get Quatre, the blonde always seemed to know what to do in situations like this. Suddenly that idea didn’t seem so good. Heero and Trowa had gone to a bar a few nights ago and Trowa had confessed that he had a huge crush on Quatre. Heero had told him to just tell Quatre. He was positive that Quatre felt the same, although he wasn’t going to let on to that incase he was wrong.
As tonight was the night that Trowa had decided to tell Quatre that meant that if he went to get Quatre now he would be ruining Trowa’s plans and probably the happiness of two of his fellow pilots. ‘Ok, so getting Quatre is out of the question’ he sighed ‘so I guess it’s up to me, don’t hate me for this Duo, I only wanna help’ he thought bitterly to himself.

The sound of Heero’s footsteps reached Duo’s ears and he uncurled himself and sat up, not wanting to lose face in front of the Japanese pilot.
When he turned to look at Heero he was surprised by the softness of Heero’s eyes. Heero walked to Duo’s bed and sat down next to the American pilot.

“What’s wrong Duo?” he asked tenderly. Duo could only stare in shock. Why was Heero being so nice? What had happened to his emotionless roommate? Before he could stop it his defense mechanism kicked in, “What makes you think there’s something wrong, spandex boy?!” he snarled.
“You’re not acting like your usually self, that’s all. I’m………..worried about you.” Heero explained now thinking that this was a really bad idea and maybe he should have interrupted Quartre and Trowa after all.

Duo could only stare. Worried about him? Heero Yuy, emotionless-bastard was worried about him? Had he heard right? He turned to look at Heero, searching his eyes for…..something. Something that would give him an excuse to escape. He was surprised when he found sincerity, worry, and something else. Did Heero care about him? NO! No-one cared about him. All the people who had loved and cared about him were six feet under. But here Heero was, looking at him kindly with those deep, deep blue eyes.

Heero was taken back by the depth of emotion he saw running through Duo. The pain was so evident in the braided boy’s eyes that Heero felt an overwhelming erg to just take the boy in his arms and hold him in a tight embrace. He surrendered to that erg when he saw the pain reflecting in Duo’s eyes double.

Duo was in shock. He was being hugged by the perfect solider. Now he knew that that impassive face Heero had really was just a mask. He had suspected this for a while, but here was the proof.
He held onto Heero, borrowing his face in Heero’s shirt. He felt Heero’s hand move to his back where it started to rub in soothing circles. Duo couldn’t help it; no-one had held him since Sister Helen at the orphanage. He started to cry. He felt Heero full him to sit in the short haired teens lap. ‘This is soooo humiliating’ he thought ‘BOYS DON’T CRY, DAMMIT’ but the steady movement to Heero’s had on him back pushed tho thought far out of his mind. All he could think about was the warmth Heero’s muscular body was providing him with. The feeling of security that was coming off his usually stoic friend.

Heero felt Duo snuggle closer. It was odd but he wasn’t in control anymore, his body was saying thing that he couldn’t express in words. The words his first mentor Odin Lowe had said to him can into his mind ‘Follow your emotions’ well, he was truly doing that now wasn’t he.
A thought crossed his mind. Maybe if Duo talked about it he would feel better. They do say a problem shared is a problem halved after all.

When Duo’s sniffles had died down Heero re-asked his previous Question. “Duo what’s wrong?”

“Heero, what are your parents like?” Duo asked absentmindedly.
“I have no parents” Heero responded. It wasn’t an emotional comment, it was a fact. The fact that he had never known his parents wasn’t something Heero tended to think about often. All his thoughts had been focused on survival.

Duo suddenly got the feeling that maybe Heero would understand. Maybe. ‘Well here goes nothing, if I tell him and he freaks out, it doesn’t matter ‘coz other than on joint mission we’ll probably never see each other again.’
“I don’t remember my parents either” Duo admitted “you don’t?” Heero was shd. d. He wasn’t quite sure why but he was.

“I’m a war orphan, I just remember being alone until after a few weeks of wandering the streets and living off garbage, I met another boy, who was about 10 years older than me and directed a gang of street kids.
His name was Solo and he taught me how to steal without being seen, and how to run and hide when I had been seen. He quickly taught me everything he knew.
I was Solo‘s second, but he was my best friend and I looked up to him like a brother.

Despite having to live on the streets and steal to survive I was happy. They kids were my family. The girls mollycoddled the boys and the really little ones. They said they didn’t expect to live to be old enough to have their own children so they were making up for that now. I remember one time when they forced Solo to steal a new shirt coz his had soooooo many holes in it!”

Duo stopped and chuckled. Heero kept quiet. He knew Duo needed to get this off his chest, something to do with his past had been bothering the braided American all day. In truth Heero felt quite honored that Duo had offered to share his secrets with him.

“But I didn’t get to stay happy for long though. The stores where running out of food making it harder to steal things without getting caught.
But we survived. We organized ourselves and we got by, barely.

I felt safe with them, they were my family. One day we were hungry so I went to steal some food for the gang, Solo was on water duty so I went alone. For the first time in my life I got caught.

That night I got back to the hide out and just cried in Solo’s arms. He told me that there were a lot of sick perverts out there and he was sorry that I’d met one. He said he’d been trying to keep this from us ‘coz we were too little to know these things. I was eight years old.”

At this point Heero was stunned. He had an idea of what Duo was talking about and understood that Duo wouldn’t want to say it. He kept quiet but he was worried he had a feeling that this story was just going to get worse. He pulled the sobbing Duo into a lose hug and rubbed soothing circles on his back.

“As Solo‘s second I understood that my job was to protect the younger ones so when I was caught again I didn’t struggle as much.
I began to make money out of it by walking down alleys where I knew these perves would be willing to pay to fuck me. I did this to protect the little ones and to earn enough money for us to survive.”

Heero’s suspicions had been confirmed. The story had got worse. He hugged his friend tighter. He wouldn’t let anyone else hurt Duo. Duo had been through enough. He didn’t want to hear the rest of the story but Duo needed to tell it so Heero would listen to it.

“It went on for a few weeks’ maybe months I’m not quite sure. Then the Federation came up with a plan to get rid of all the poor people living in the streets and soon, plague was spreading on the streets.

The extremely rich, who could afford the antidote anyway were given it for free but the others had to pay. Those who lived in the streets and didn’t have enough money… we were left on our own. Corpses began to appear in every ally way, meaning more people become contaminated with the ‘L2 Plague’. Solo and the other kids got sick, and I didn’t.

Turns out I have a natural immunity against most diseases. I knew there was no way they would survive without the antidote so I came up with an idiotic, half baked plan to go to the nearest Federation hospital, and steal enough antidotes for the whole gang.
I managed it but when I got back most of them where dead.
Solo wasn’t. He was still alive and conscious, but he knew he was done. I started to cry, I didn’t want to be alone again. I wanted to die so I could always be with Solo. I told Solo this and he made me promise to never take my own life. Not matter how hard it got I was to remember that I was living for the both of us and he would always be with me. Then I watched him die. Right there in my arms…and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do to stop it!

The second Solo stopped breathing I decided that I would honor his last wish and live my life for the two of us. So I named myself ‘Duo’ so we would always be together.”

Heero was almost sobbing now too. He wanted to do something to make Duo feel better so he hugged the braided teen closer. It was all he could think of. des desperately wanted to shut Duo up but he wouldn’t do that. This was important. His feelings didn’t matter. He could cry about t later when it wouldn’t be hurting Duo.

“I wondered the streets for a few days. Until I was taken to an orphanage run by a priest named Father Maxwell and a nun named Sister Helen who, for almost two years, I considered my parents. They were really kind to me. I started to think of the orphanage as home. No one wanted to adopted an ex-whore but I didn’t care ‘coz as far as I was concerned I had the best parents in the worlds and all the siblings I could ask for -and then some. I took the last name ‘Maxwell‘ and made it my surname in honor of my family ”

Duo chuckled fondly at the memory. Maxwell Church Orphanage had truly been his home.

“After a few years of happiness a terrible thing happened. The Federation came and bombed the church. 245 people died. Sister Helen died in my arms. I ran.
I didn’t no what I was doing or where I was going, but I ran. I was convinced that everyone I loved was going to die because I loved them. I guess I still am. That’s how I got the nickname ‘Shinigami’ anyway.
I ended up stowing away on a sweeper’s ship. I just wanted to get out of the hell hole know as L2, but I got caught. G gave me a chance. He trained me to be a Gundam pilot and then ordered me to steal Deathscythe. Strange man but he gave me a way to get revenge for all the people I loved who had been killed by this pathetic war.

I guess the reason all this had come back now is ‘coz today is the anniversary of Solo’s death”

After that statement Duo remained motionless. He just sat there feeling Heero’s presence and the soothing hand on his back. He snuggled closer to the boy he considered his best friend. He felt save here…in Heero’s arms.

It was a while before with or they said anything. Then Heero broke the silence. “It wasn’t you fault you know. You just happen to survive. I think maybe you alive where as the others dies is because you are meant to do something great. Destiny isn’t something I’ve ever really had much of a belief in, but the belief that if you follow your emotions then you have nothing to regret is something I believe in with the whole of my being. When you chose to take on the pain for yourself in order to help the other children, you where following your emotions. When you decided to make Maxwell Church Orphanage your home, you where following your emotions. When you ran from the scene of destruction, that was following your emotions. When you decided to become a Gundam pilot, you were following your emotions and every time you get in the cockpit you act on your emotions. As a solider your emotions guide you, not matter what others might try to say. Despite all the shit that’s happened in your life, you have to try to look at the good things, not many people can say that they’ve had three loving families. If you keep following your emotions I c gua guarantee you that more tragedies won’t happen, but I can tell you that you’ll be doing the right thing.”

Duo looked at Heero in wonder. Heero actually understood. He’d listened and wasn’t judging him. He’d got Heero all wrong. He reluctantly pulled away from his best friends comforting embrace to look him in the eye.
When he searched Heero’s eyes he was surprised to find sincerity and kindness lurking in those beautiful Prussian orbs. ‘Wait a minute did I juay hay his eyes where beautiful? Oh my God, I’m losing my mind!!!!’ Duo mentally ranted.

Suddenly before he knew what he was doing he was leaning forward and kissing those full, rose red lips.

To his surprise Heero’s lips were soft. Softer than the lips of any girl Duo had ever kissed before. He pulled Heero closer and put a hand on the Japanese youth’s cheek. He noticed that his cheek, like his lips, where incredibly soft and Duo couldn’t stop himself from caressing that baby soft cheek.

When he felt that Heero was returning the kiss he couldn’t help but smile. He really loved this amazing guy. ‘Love…. Do I love him? ……..Yes, I think I do’ Duo smiled and broke of the kiss. His lungs where burning and he was in dyer need of some oxygen. At the sight of Heero’s beautiful face Duo couldn’t help but smile an honest smile of pure love. To his amazement Heero smiles back. ‘God he’s beautiful, now I no I love him’ Duo pulled Heero into his lap and started kissing him thoroughly.

Heero wrapped his arms around Duo’s neck and started to suck on Duo’s bottom lip hungril’Whe’When did I start to have these feelings for him?’ he asked himself in wonder. He didn’t think about it for long though, he surrendered himself solely to Duo.

Duo was is heaven. Heero was perfection personified. He wanted to feel his soft skin against his and be inside this…this…God. He pushed Heero back onto the bed, never breaking the kiss. His tongue roamed the moist cavern of Heero’s mouth and coached Heero’s to spar with it, which it did more than willingly.

Duo’s hands snaked their way under Heero’s trade mark green tank top to play with the hardening nubs he found there. Heero moaned in pleasure. The way Duo was making him feel was indescribable.

Duo’s hands started to wonder downwards. He stroked Heero’s hardening erection through the material of the infamous spandex cycle shorts.

As Heero felt the hand travel to his groan he started to get flash backs of his time in training. Suddenly the pleasure was gone and when he looked up it was not his best friend Duo Maxwell he saw but the bastard that had tried to rape him all those years ago -Gregory Mitchell.

Heero threw Duo off with all his strength and bolted for the door. He was afraid. Afraid for the first time in 6 years. He cared about Duo, maybe even loved him, but his young mind couldn’t see past the pure terror that Mitchell had placed with in his is psyche.

Heero ran. He ran out of the dorms block and out of the schools campus. He ran faster and faster as if his life depended on it, which in his mind, it did.
He ran until he reached the Ocean which was on the edge of the town where the boarding school was situated.
Once he got onto the beach he ran to a little alcove where he curled up into a tight ball and for the first time in his life, he cried.

Duo was in shock. What had just happened? Heero had been enjoying himself that fact was evident by the moans and groans he’d heard coming for the gorgeous Japanese teens delicious lips.
Duo ran out of the dorms determined to find out what the fuck was going on.
***

After four hours of searching, a very tired and irritable Duo stumbled into his dorm from to find three of his closest friends awaiting his arrival.

Chang WuFei, Quatre R. Winner and Trowa Barton were extremely worried about their friends. WuFei had seen Heero running full pelt off the campus and had been shocked when he noticed how upset the ‘Perfect Solider’ was.

After Heero’s Self-detonation in Wing, the pilots had begun to think of Heero as immortal and inhuman. To see him that upset had shocked the Shenlong Pilot to the core. He had immediately gone to his his soul brothers, Quatre and Trowa, what he’d seen.

Trowa suspected foul play on Duo’s part when the Deathscythe pilot was nowhere to be found. He knew Heero had had some severer trauma in his past from the countless nights him and his sister Catherine Bloom had spend nursing the Wing pilot back to health.

The three had eagerly awaited the return of either Duo or Heero as they felt that it was imperative they know what was going on.

As their braided brother practically fell into the dorm room he had been allocated at ‘Green Oak Gardens Boarding School’ they noticed the distort look on his face and changed their minds about the slanging match they were originally going to give him.

“Duo what wrong?” Quatre’s ever sweet voice asked in great concern. Duo could only look at his friends with large vulnerable violent eyes. “Leave it guys” he begged them in a broken voice, at the stubborn looks on their faces he added “please.” The heart rendering plea stopped all threetheitheir tracks and they silently decided not to push the matter further, tonight anyway.

At Duo’s request they were ready to leave the room when a soaking wet Heero Yuy appeared at the room door. The smile on Duo’s face at the sight of his beloved was just amazing, but Heero remained as impassive as ever. Duo’s face fell, he watched carefully as Heero walked into the bath room, and kept staring at the door until sounds of the shower could be heard.

The others watched this display with confusion. What the hell was going on? Unfortunately for Duo hew exw exactly what was going on. Heero had pulled his soldier’s mask back on. Duo threatened his control. Heero didn’t love him. The realization hit him like a tone of bricks.
Duo got up and motioned for the others to leave, then he burred his head under his pillow, and cried.

Unfortunately Duo’s theory on Heero’s behavior was wrong. The scared child that had been abandoned and abused so terrible was still very much there. And that hurting little boy was scared beyond hits ets end. He couldn’t take anymore pain.
‘If you let yourself care about someone, they let you down. If someone says they love you, they want to fuck you’ this is what the boy thought as he pulled his ever trusty soldier’s mask on and slipped into his dorm room.

The child cried alone in the shower where no one could hear him, he cried. He cried for the parents he couldn’t remember. He cried for Odin his first mentor and the man he considered his father. He cried for all the people who’s lives he had taken. He cried for the innocent little girl and her puppy. Most of all he cried for the love he would never allow himself to feel.

‘Dirty murderers deserve nothing but pain’ he told himself. ‘I just want this pain to go away’ he sobbed. A razor blade caught his eye and before he knew what he was doing he was sinking it into his thigh and running it up to his hip.

The pain was excruciating, but it was good. It was good pain. The type of pain he was in control of. He could smell the metallic sent of his blood and laughed.
He cut diagonally across the cut he’d just made. He watched as his blood flowed from his body and mixed with the water only to me taken down the drain.

‘A metaphor for my life’ he thought bitterly, as he cleaned up the bloody mess he’d made and bandaged his cherished wound.

As he came out of the bath room and crossed the dorm room to his bed he looked at the boy he would never let himself love. Said bout was fast asleep and puffy, red eyes evidence of huch uch Heero had hurt him.

Heero couldn’t help himself he crossed the room to the beautiful angel’s bed and kissed said angel’s forehead “Tenshi, Ai Shiteiru, Kokoro” (Angel, I Love You, Mind; Heart; Spirit) escaped his lips as he gazed at the sleeping boy. He cursed himself for thinking such a foolish thought and hurried to his bed. He didn’t notice the violent eye that peaked at him fromeatheath half-lidded lids, a confused gleam to it… ‘What’s going on with him?’ Duo thought to himself as he drifted off into a dreamed filled with a certain Japanese pilot.
***
Ok I think I scared myself with this one... the whole Heero cutting himself thing >.< Sorry to all of you who thought this chappy was pants. I promise that i\'ll TRY to stop scaring you (and myself) with surprise twists!